When you don’t know your true self - you are lost and don’t even know what you want if you find it impossible to have goals desires and love for yourself how can others even have a chance at knowing who you are - so you try to be what they want and expect and constantly get taken advantage of - feel stupid for falling into the same trap and get angry instead of showing love for yourself - thank you for your helpful videos your understanding kindness and for sharing your talent.

I have listened to many videos on the fear of intimacy, multiple times to this one because this has helped me the most by far. Thank you so much.

I never knew this was what "fear of intimacy" meant! I always thought it was just about emotional intimacy, but this thing about being seen... whoa. It's hard with trust issues. In the past, being seen and known meant having my vulnerabilities or desires or expressions of my identity being used against me.

George, you must've been enlightened. We need you back in the whitehouse!

But I had a wonderful up bringing. Now I feel like I can't even be broke correctly lol.

OMG 2:43 - 3:53 completely summarizes my mind and life from my teen years up through middle age now. I never knew what “fear of intimacy” meant after hearing in passing. But now it is crystal clear. Every time a relationship would start advancing deeper than the initial superficial phase, I always, always would sabotage the relationship or ghost the person completely. What a lonely world I’ve confined myself to. Thank you for this very informative video.

I actually did suffer from toxic shame but I have been working on it and I feel alot more better now but I still have an intense desire to be alone...so now I'm dealing with an intense lack of trust and feelings of not being safe around other people..I'm working on this using meditation and grounding techniques...

This hits close to home but very valuable. Thanks so much Counselor Carl.

Thank you Carl. Your clips bring so much clarity to the dynamics playing out here.

This video is me!! Thank you so much for posting this! Can’t wait to see your other videos! Blessings

It's a good video although painful. The truth hurts.

Uhh what about people who can’t even enter relationships?

One of the most succinct and helpful videos I’ve seen on why someone pushes me away the harder I try to show love to them. Thank you for sharing this.

I'm getting so much out of these videos and I truly thank you for sharing.😊

This was helpful and it brought some insights I have learned back to reality again

I’m so sorry about your loss of your daughter. It seems it was awhile ago but I can see it in your eyes and I’m sorry you hurt. I kno. That kind of hurt. Very recent tragic loss of my son, Danny. I am dead inside but seeking help. I don’t know how to cope or even to grieve.

Completely this. So well explained thank you.

Excellent message. Thank you

This was very healing for me. Thanks

You are a fantastic counselor.

Thanks for this Channel. Much appreciated.

Love love love love your videos. I learn a lot from you.

Thank you so much, this is me!

Great wisdom! ❤️

thank you for this video! 😊

Thank you for the video.

Wow you just spoke exactly what I feel within six minutes Wow

Just two words: Thank you.

Very well expressed

Thank you for this video

Your voice is so soothing

Great video.

I didn't expect to see George😆❤

My FA ex...and I think it got worse because he opened up to me about some things no one knows about (for the first time in his life, 'cos he has never talked about intimate stuff with anyone - he keeps everyone at arms' length) and because I was seeing him, could see when something was off, his fears, etc (the FA power! 😅) and when fears went to the roof he pulled away and changed the reason for the breakup several times until the "I'm not one for relationships, I need to be alone" while he was completely in deactivation mode, cold like ice 😢 he has a big shame wound too and full of anxiety

Good info I do all of the above coming from a childhood of emotional neglect and criticism at almost anything I did and sexual abuse too left me a confused young person to a now old person

Very crispy discussion summarized nicely 😊😄

Great video

Thank you

You are very good thank you

Wow very helpful thanks.When people say awesome things about me I start to think that they are putting me on a pedestal and I feel the desire to be away from them so they dont realize that Im not like that.I give up quickly and I think that maybe it's okay it's better like that etc

THATS why.

this is very very hard to fix.

Reminder to myself: 2:45-3:00

Thanks Counselor Carl. 💙💫✨ Edit: It's seems like all narcissist has the YO-YO effect in relationship! The idealisation stage where they love bomb their victim, then followed by devaluing and discarding stage, again followed by intermittent remission and hoovering!

KZfaq trying to tell me something by recommending this

I'm really close, Carl. I'm mighty damn close.

I have this fear of intimacy and i don't know why. It been so long so so many years. And i got comfortable with my life. Avoiding relationship with people in general. No friends no girlfriend. I fear it all. So i avoid it and run. And feel so good about it.

How does one practice and learn healthy relationship skills? By luring people into relationships with you and use them until you get it right.

❤️❤️❤️❤️

Counselor Carl, any book recommendations that go along with this video?

How do u discern between a covert narc/someone who just has a few more narc coping mechanism traits than ur average Joe/an avoidant attachment person/weed smoker/full blown sociopath?? All the signs of each cross-over so it's hard to discern & know what ur dealing with

My boyfriend just broke up with me for this reason. (( hes an ACOA ) It came right after we told each other for the first time: I love you. Everything was really great between us. That was 2 weeks ago and now, without reason or cause, we broke up. :(

Concelour Carl, I would like to ask you if there are not people who just arent willing to compromise themselves without child trauma?

Bingo

You forgot the most important point: the trauma survivor needs to heal their wounds and shame w SELF-COMPASSION ,. which is the antidote to shame ..🙏😔 Instead of blame and shame...understanding and compassion

Sharing on my Facebook. Lisa. Mobley irwin

I can't bear this, I just want to be healthy and normal.

Wow.. I hope my husband doesn't leave me.. 😢😢 his getting tired of my craziness, I always push him away and i start fighting with him..

Wow..this is exactly my husband

Please tell me what I need to do. I have many problems that should have been adressed when I was a child, however, I was raised in a cult. The cult criteria came first my needs were not met.

I used to yo-yo. I finally changed my pattern. Now I have a husband who does it to me. I can see it clear as day.. I can’t bring up that he is pushing me away, bc he get so deeply offended. Saying I think I am perfect & he is the problem. He agreed to therapy finally. But not until after he filed for divorce. Praying it’s not too late...

Isn’t there a grieving process?

What about the fear of been naked.?

I live with severe acne anyone else

Didint know george bush was this deep.

you sound a lot like what john bradshaw speaks to...

I’m ashamed because I made myself ugly. Self harm scars and excess skin and scars from plastic surgery and on top of that an atrophied hand due to inflammation of nerv. I am ashamed becaus of the VISIBLE RESULTS of my abusive caregivers. All I am waiting for is death. I self isolate because I’m too ugly to go outside the house. No one wants to hig touch or love an ugly selfdestructive monster. There’s no need to heal i side if outside is ugly!!

george bush??!!

Thank you George bush

What is this? George Bush is a therapist now?

Thank you