Thank you so much for saying so.

Yes, this is!!!

7 ubuuu

U u. Hubub ubbubybu by7

Bu 8

Thank you so much :)

​@@MendedLight😊😊😊

Well thank you. It's a practiced skill, lol. It did not come naturally at first.

@@MendedLight :) I'm sure not. As a photographer I can't stand being in front of the camera, let alone look directly into it haha.

Thank you. This means the world to me.

@@MendedLight ❤️It means the world to a lot of others too❤️

Yes! Absolutely.

Right.. I agree. I used to care when I was younger but now I know it’s a natural thing. And when you know your man loves the 💩 out of you, it’s unbothersome. He’d rather have his love than any of them and he’s proved himself plenty, manyyyyy of times… which is why I have the attitude I do 😎 thank you babe ❤

I found out my boyfriend has a porn addiction. I’m trying to remover myself from the equation but it’s hard.

Same!! Some guys seem to be able to separate porn from reality and others think porn IS the reality!! I have zero problem with porn if every single person involved is truly consenting and if actual female pleasure and safety is just as important as male pleasure. Wish there was more of it lol

I can't say as a whole, I can only speak for my own experience. But I would say I don't think so. I myself watch all kinds of porn and I never did or felt like having my girlfriend act like women do in porn. I actually feel really bad thinking about treating her roughly, we even decided to try it once in the beginning and it just left both of us feeling bad. Same goes the other way around, she likes many kinds of porn, and she never wants me to do anything close to those. It can be hot watching it on a screen, when you are far detached from the person, but it's something else to be in the presence of that. To DO that. It can be pretty gross. So no, I don't think the kind of porn you watch has anything to do with how you act on the bed. I think it has more to do with how you were educated. I was taught since forever that porn by no means represents real sex, just like you can't shoot laser from your eyes like superheroes in a movie. I was taught to respect my partner (all people, really) and try to never do them any harm. I learned to see people as their own individuals, and not as "MY girlfriend/parent/friend/cousin/boss/etc". While my girlfriend has had quite a... "journey" in her life, to put it lightly, she has been tangled into sex since she was a minor, and has gone through many a rough times. She had gone through a lot that helped her grow, and had some good role models away from home that in the end put her in a similar stance to what I am. She too, can't see me as "her ", but as an individual. That's mutual respect. And she too grew up from the delusions of porn. I think that's the main thing about it. Also, something that may also influence is that both of us are pretty empathic, which might keep us from wanting the other to, well... be humiliated, you can say. But I haven't put much thought into that yet, that's a side of ours that we are still exploring and beginning to understand. Though I wouldn't want to make it sound that if you have a fetish it means you don't feel for the other person. It sounds like a little bit of a leap to me.

@@SirZelean you seem to be solely focussing on rough porn. Which of course is totally fine, it's just not everyones idea of pleasureable porn. Like for me I do only consume "ethical" porn that focuses alot on female pleasure without any sorts of violence and or degradation. Frankly I only enjoy porn that mirrors what I like in real life and not the other way around. So there are different aspects to this topic I'd say.

I had this happen in a former relationship

@@dakota7314 honestly

I don’t think porn it hurtful for you but the way your partner was hiding it from you. So your partners behavior hurt you.

I definitely agree its all in the context. You both have to be honest and communicate and agree. Any lies and deceit is harmful to a relationship no matter what its about. Youd both need to consider eachothers feelings. And honestly even in a relationship where occasional porn use is agreed upon and accepted, overuse can still cause harm

Yeah, I get the OP’s point. Porn is so normalized and has entered mainstream so that it feels as if society saying that porn is always fine and SOP. I have heard that it has affected male grooming (shaving of pubic hair) for an entire age group. But if in your gut the porn use does not feel right to you, stick with that. You probably have a better sense of how it’s being used and how it affects you and your relationship better than anyone - including the user, who may be rationalizing and minimizing to protect their compulsion/addiction.

you are not alone

How did you deal with it for 7 years? Like did you ever get to the point where you just wanted to quit?

This is so important. I was told, by another therapist, that ANY compulsive behavior used for coping came from root problems and that the behavior was covering up those problems. This can be self-mutilation, porn use, anorexia, bulimia, entering into cycles of toxic or abusive relationships, overeating, oversleeping, etc. It's learning how we can "healthily cope" as Jono and his wife said. The healthy coping mechanism will help break the bad habit of the unhealthy one, help rewire the brain to be happier, and more positive, and address the root causes (hopefully) at the same time ... if not side-by-side with other strategies to address those root issues. Thx for sharing!

Disagree, i think it's the perfect tool to finally show women how easily replaced they are.

Pornography, like most topics, requires nuance. As @MendedLight said in response to a different comment on this video, "portraying sex and sexuality is not the problem, it's the HOW." It might be worth remembering that pornography isn't a modern invention - evidence of porn has been uncovered in different cultures around the world going back hundreds or even thousands of years. It looked quite different, obviously, before the invention of photography, and then motion pictures, and then...the world wide web. (*dramatic sound effect*) You can make a strong argument that porn reflects the society that created it. Just as there is good & bad in our world, there exists harmful porn that perpetuates unrealistic standards, as well as sex-positive porn (aka "ethical porn" or "indie porn") that aims to promote inclusion and help reduce bodily shame. Growing up in a religious family with so much shame around sexuality, I found pornography to be a welcome refuge full of information. Not only could I find out all the different ways body parts look (and learn that nothing was wrong with my own vulva!), but I could also find out how they typically functioned. Information like that can be empowering. I have to admit, I kinda struggle to understand people who think porn is what real, everyday sex looks like - I don't watch movies and expect my hair to always fall perfectly around my face, or my bangs to be exactly the right length. That's a production, it's theatrics. Pornography (consensual, non-violent acts between adults) isn't inherently evil. Try to analyze the How and Why you consume it, and what that consumption causes you to feel. As for me, sometimes I get off watching porn, and sometimes I get off without it...but you probably aren't gonna find me "should-ing" all over people on youtube like some kinda holier-than-thou, omniscient weirdo. 😒

It might be good to consider e.g. asking a friend who speaks both languages and is close to her to watch it with her and translate. Someone who is not you, to avoid the traps of ... you know "I told you so" 's and co.. I think what Alicia said is a very good advice, though, no? That is she cannot be your help in this due to her own feelings in the matter, it is important that you build a support system and get help with being held accountable. Jonathan also brought up self-help advice in the previous video on the topic that may help. It will be your way to walk either way. That part cannot be helped, unfortunately. Even though her support may have been helpful in this, you will need solutions for yourself regardless of her decisions. As that can be a whole differnt topic (and hers to work through). After all, this needs to keep working regardless of if she's with you or not (I mean locally, like being with her versus being with friends or alone), now or in future. Your care for your()self cannot depend on her willingness to help with it. That rule is actually the same for healthy, unhealthy and abusive relationships, all the same. :'3 Our baggage is ours, even in the face of e.g. someone actually being guilty of harming us (I say this to clarify the principle, not to in anyway imply anything about your relationship).

By the way I noticed two small details in your description. Really small things that can sometimes indicate underlaying concepts being at work in how we think. If you would like me to offer them to you for self-reflection (or just short self-check) purposes, please let me know. You'll need to @ mention me, I think, to notify me. As I have put other settings on "off". Feel very free to ignore this otherwise. Wish you well!

I hope Jonathan reads this so he can answer. For what the opinion of a random ignorant stranger is worth, I think that you need to find help elsewhere for now, like a therapist or a group, like they've said in the video. Work on yourself and maybe you'll be able to talk to her about it in time.

If she watches the video on the computer, there is automatic translation of the subtitles available, and the subtitles on the channel are 100% accurate. I think you can show her the video with the subtitles, what do you think?

You can't do this alone. You need couple therapy with a therapist that speaks your language. Why? Both of you have a problem with communicating about this subject, and a therapist can help you find the right way to do this. That alone can help your relationship. Secondly, you can't manage your own coping strategy choices. If you could, you would have chosen better. You have to face up to what you're running from, and you might need support with doing that.

Its only hard to talk about when the shame is there. I had this talk with my ex gf and it honestly was so helpful to get me to stop viewing pornography as a crutch. These are conversations that are difficult to begin but they flow once both parties are understanding the real problem and not just shifting blame.

Oo which channel was that video on?

😭💕

Hi! So, I’ve been seeing many comments from people on the ace spectrum, and your comment got me thinking, I hope you don’t mind me asking What would your relationship look like if you have no interest in sex and you partner has a high sex drive? Since you don’t want your partner to have his needs satisfied outside of the relationship, where will he? Will the person just need to abandon his needs? He= she/nb/partner

@@mermaidmaterial5735 Being asexual doesn't always mean that you hate sex. Some do enjoy sex but not actively seeking for it. For me, if my partner doesn't like sex or have low sex drive, I will masturbate since masturbation takes care most of my needs and I'm a simple person. Sex is not important to me so I don't mind masturbating for the rest of my life. What important is the genuine love from my partner. I expect the same thing from my future partner if I happened to not interested in sex one day. However, if sex is important to them, I will gladly let them go and have relationship with others who can satisfy their needs. Relationship is all about teamwork and commitment. If you're unhappy about your relationship and both of you have tried everything to improve it but nothing work, you should leave and pursue a new one.

Thank you so much!

Welcome!

Thank you so much for this beautiful comment.

Thank you so much. It wasn't easy, but it was worth it.

Well said. The compulsion is a symptom of the real problem of unhappiness.