Covert narcissists are the absolute worst.

They avoid you and disappear, they discard you pretend you're not family, act as of they don't know you. Out in a public place the make nice, pleasantry out in the open.

I told my ex "the parts of a person that make them human are missing in you"

My narcissist has now accused me of being a narcissist when I have called him out on his behaviors. He just denies, blame shifts, and projects. It's CRAZY!!!

Narcissist have many masks, they treat other people better then they do there partner. I delt with that for 27 years of the abuse, discarded only 4 months now. He would act single, flirting with other women right in front of me, I would ask him to stop and I just got told, I'm not going to change what I do, it's my way or the highway. He left.. thank the Lord.

They leave for good!! They can’t play anymore. They know they’re done ..or we’re done. They disappear!!

They discard you like the time they spent with you, regardless of how long that was meant nothing to them. And they move on to search for their next source of supply. You have to remember these people are NOT normal and don’t follow the human ways of dealing with other humans and healthy relationships

They ignore you, they’re all a front and they do not like being exposed. Psychopathic super egos.

Narcissist know that they are narcissist. They know exactly what they are doing. That’s why you should never feel pity for them. Whenever I come across a toxic/narc individual, I call them out. And of course they always back down. I guess being 6’5, 250 and looking at them like I’m going to kick their ass helps. I feel no pity for people who prey or take advantage of others.

Just cause a narc doesn't know the term for what he is doesn't mean he doesn't know what he does and that it's wrong

It took me several years to realize this person had some really severe issues. I was listening to my heart not my mind. Once I told him I had been educating myself in narcissism and told him some of the traits he immediately knew I knew. He went out and got a 3rd party saying he was so unhappy. By this time I had already become reactive aggressive as his ex had become. I saw him with the mask completely gone when he extremely depressed. I asked God to show me him. He did! I knew then it was time to go and I left him. He had to continue to hurt me telling me 2 weeks later in anger about him cheating on me for the last year. He didn't realize that put the nail in his coffin. I will never go back to an abusive, habitual liar and cheat.

Once You KNOW 🚶‍♀️ GO

I started realizing something was off. The rage ( before I knew what it was) just didn't make ANY sense. I just figured he was REALLY hurt by previous relationship trauma so I became even MORE patient/understanding/empathetic but THEN he betrayed me with cheating. He tried to project, used my own words against me, and BLAMED me for shit we already talked about. He said " nothing you say to me, Nat, will hurt me". I realized then that was the worst projection he tried of all so I ghosted him. Life is sweet and sOoooo peaceful. 💛😍💪🏾

Morphing is their strongest trait.

I feel so dumb for believing my x narcissist that he would be Loyal and that he would be honest with me. When he cheated on me with at least 7 different people.

All they do is collect personalities after they put the dead bodies in their graveyard

My narcissist KNOW that I KNOW EVERYTHING! I'm living at my moms right now thankGod

I just had to except that I will never get closure. He would never let me explain how I felt and how it was for me. I had to stop trying and mentally move on. Free of him after 35 years. When I see him, it's my terms now. I finally have boundaries.

This is like fitting the pieces of a jigsaw together. I grew up acting out of principle, doing the right thing and always worried and perplexed by the reactions of my siblings. I didn't have a clue why they just kept shifting situations and reactions. I just knew they acted like bullies.

I think that message of how a narc can shift their abuse needs to be highlighted more often. The most crazy-inducing part for me was how they morphed into a very different personality when they were around me, the empathetic part of me really wanted to believe that they had changed, and I felt so guilty and confused for hating the "old", openly abusive version of them. But all of the projection from them continued and their mask still slipped every now and then, and thankfully some part of me still new something was off, a person's personality can't morph overnight. They push you into a really dark place of thinking you're the problem and all of their previous behaviour was somehow on you, it's bizarre how far they are willing to go.

7:00 "After people start getting aware (and start grey-rocking) this is where the abuse ramps up!" As a former target who recently ended a friendship, I'm glad that someone (who used to be) on other side of the coin here is vindicating exactly what I thought was happening

The most confusing part was what you were talking about in the end of the video... I caught him out texting numerous women loving stuff.. and selfies to his ex wife...doing her gardens and flirting with her having lunches etc...and his reply.. "I find your lack of trust abusive". Just completely mind blowing stuff. You start to question your own sanity

He would act differently around his family. They enabled him. I see it now and know why.

Delusions of grandeur, superiority based in age, money, education/intelligence, race, height/weight/strength. Unable to understand that every other person has their own opinions and self interests. Gray rock!

Called out my sister, showed proof of her abuse to my family and some of them asked her about why she behaves like this. She has now decided she will no longer have anything to do with the family and has disappeared lol. She ran and hid with her tail between her legs because she got caught and she knows it.

I never knew till my late fifties I was an empath ,my ex my whole family total narcs 😊

A narc ALWAYS knows what they are doing. They are master manipulators that actually accomplish their victoms feeling like its all their fault in why the relationship is toxic!! Run away as fast as you can and save your life !!

My problem is my now ex narc doesn’t believe or acknowledge that he’s a narcissist. He’s in complete denial about being a narcissist and he has absolutely zero consciousness of his actions & behaviors. He thinks everything he says & does is perfectly acceptable & ok & he has no remorse for his actions & behaviors or how they affect other people. He flat out does not care.

Blamed me for not calling but he’d already been giving me the silent treatment, I’d beg him to call..

My Narc left but came back. It’s me now who’s discarded him! It was my only option to save myself ❤

Ben, you're one of the best out their that explains narcissism. Thank you.

Since this happens in friendship as well, I had to tell her in a nice manner that I couldn't listen to her paranoid ideations because I enjoy my peace of mind. This caused a complete silence. No more numerous phone calls at all hours, texts, nothing. I blocked her on all fronts because I know she will try to contact me when she needs something because in her mind I am indebted to her. Well I am nor falling for it. 😊

I once told my Ex specifically about what he was and did as a Narcissist and the effect of his abuse on me. I laid it all out like a 'Thesis Document '. I described all the cycles and his reaction, well, there was none. Just a blank look on his face as he continued to watch Tv. 🍒

He does have this...100 percent.

I call out all of them and this is when they bsck down and disappear

You are spot on when u figure it out or have knowledge of narcissism they get worst.👽

My ex knows she's a narc. She often spoke about her step father who was also a narc(provided she was telling the truth in the first place), And we spoke about narcissism at length as well. She won't admit it outright, But I'm sure she knows it herself

If you address things as they arise, kindly and gently state your boundaries, absolutely no blame towards them, just take ownership of what you require, they start to figure out whats going on. The trick is to start the relationship like that, then you don't get caught up in the net. As soon as you react emotionally, you've shown a button that says "press me for supply"

I started to become aware of his manipulation and lies and stared catching onto his games and yes the abuse got worse and he started calling me the narcissist. It's good for me to find out these things but it's not so good when they find out you're catching on.

In my case it was hard to end the toxic relationship with the ex narc due to physical abuse. That toxic relationship lasted 1 year, I prayed my way out of that toxic hell, and God answered my prayers and freed me from the devil. Thank you for sharing your videos they're educational and informative. ❤

Can you do a video about "When a narcissist tells you we should take a break but still acts like your partner"

America should just be called narcissism at this point because EVERY one is toxic asf here

Can you do a video on how they act like they don’t want you but don’t want you to be with anyone else, its like they want you to be alone forever, thanx

I've been married to my narcissist husband for 18 years. He's now aware and hasn't had explosive anger for 2 years now. When I nick his ego I recognize the hurt child abusing me so his words are void. And most of the time I throw insults back or judge his false gas lighting. He smiles now and walks away. It hurts still bcuz it's a hurt soul hurting others. But we're in progression. Maybe I'm the lucky one.

This is exactly what happened. When I would call him out on things (for example, "Hey, I did not deserve that. You could have done x instead of y.") his passing digs and full-on rage-outs would become more and more frequent. He sabotaged the relationship. He could have just taken a deep breath, been a decent human being, made room for compromise, but instead he acted like everything constituted stage 5 fury. 🔥👹🔥

Yes sir- in my case gray rocking ramped him up- the abuse (verbal and emotional) increased tremendously until he finally left.

We have so much power than we ever realized. And it was foolish of us to hand it over to them. Ever.

I started to think that my ex was behaving in very different ways depending on whose company she was in. This explains why their friends don't meet their colleagues and their colleagues don't meet their relatives and so on and so forth.

My ex in a moment of honesty told me he treated his ex the same way as he did me and that he had promised himself that he wouldn’t do the same when we got together. He told me he didn’t know why he did it to either of us. But this was said after 15 years. He very quickly reverted back to gaslighting the situation, continuing what he did and continued to lead others to believe that I was the problem. But in that 15 years it progressively got worse and worse until I was so confused and so lost and heartbroken that I no longer wanted to live. That was my wake up call and thank god I realised my children needed me. So they do know that what they do is wrong even if they don’t fully understand why they do it. The thing you have to get clear in your own mind is, abuse is abuse no matter what the cause is. The cause is not an excuse. Looking for answers is your way of looking for hope that it will change. So you have to ask yourself how long are you willing to wait and hope for change that probably won’t ever come. Because the longer you wait the more damage that will be done to you. No one will believe you. And you will be completely alone in it. And that is the horrible truth. Run!

After a long emotional and mental abuse sesh with my boyfriend he sat next to me and instead of apologizing he asked me what part hurt me the most…pure evil.

Ah! The shame rage spiral !

The narcissist I know, told me his previous girlfriend was a narcissist. I looked it up with his other toxic behavior, I figured the narcissist puzzle out. He is a covert narcissist. He finally admitted it. No contact is the best for your mental health

My ex stopped the stalking and stopped the hovering once she knew

This is so true!! Great video. It’s the closer we all wanted from these people but we had to give to ourselves and once they felt that we are over them they hoover and we take this as a narcissist alert and exterminate the relationship by rejecting the hoover.

It's almost as if youre a "fly on our wall" in our house. I'm still in shock about this. My husband's a covert narcissist, hands down, but if he doesn't seek help, like you did, there's no telling what's going to happen.

My ex narc was married for 20 years and said he never cheated

You become a threat I’m not exaggerating it’s as if you are strangling them .

Wow, this is exactly what I have noticed for the past 50 years. The narcissist would change how he treated me when we were with people so that he could always be the center of attention. He would even be rude to me to fit in with the other narcissists in the family who disliked me. I am the scapegoat and the narcs in the family were able to use their angst toward me to flip my husband in family gatherings.

Why is this such a common thing these days?

Thank you for your honesty Ben, it helps

Is one of the symptoms of NPD from a young age absolute refusal to do even small favors, responsibilities like washing one's own dishes or agreeing to requests, eg. to help bringing something to someone? It's like it's a huge deal. I don't remember ever being so difficult and selfish, and would generally oblige or help in small ways friends and family members.

Ex texted photos of an Italian celebrity, tried to pass them as his "son." Ran when questioned. Sleazy.

It's great to hear this explanation from someone that stands on the other side! Ben, you are so aware that it's almost scary😳 My Ex just couldn't admit ANYTHING although the proof of his cheating and dishonest behaviour was huge! But now that I saw your video I can understand that he was "playing" different games and strategies to trigger me because he knew exactly what hurt me and then he just took the role of the victim that had not done anything wrong and blamed me of being too emotional because the problem was that I didn't trust HIM🙃 His mask fell many times and I confronted him so that he raged at me or cried like a little boy.

Spot on. Thank you so much. This clears it up. I always had my work as safe space.

Thank you for giving clarity to something I have been trying to figure out for a while..you provided confirmation.

I am at a loss when a narcissist speaks to their partner as if they are not even in the room , and refers to their partner in the 3rd person

Right on. This is the channel that gets to me the most.

This is getting so mundane. Why am i here?

This is absolutely true!

Wow , he used those words also , that I was dead to him, I was holding him accountable, I knew that is not how a healthy relationship was supposed to be, No way was it gonna be his way and I had to just go with it , he would have just slept with a new person every day and night if I would have accepted it, nawww, I'm not gonna make myself miserable, while he was just getting his way , nope

My ex knnows exactly that he is a narc! And he likes being like that! When he discarded me he even said that was not going wrong in his life! He’s just like that!

The is one of the best I’ve heard. Good for others who have this personality disorder. & the ones dealing with it. Thank u.

Something is different… they think they are grandiose 😂😂😂😂

This may sound familiar if you have ever been in a relationship with a narcissist. ROMANS: 1 28-32 28 And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient; 29 Being filled with unrighteousness, fornication, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness; full of envy, murder, debate, deceit, malignity; whisperers, 30 Backbiters, haters of God, despiteful, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things, disobedient to parents, 31 Without understanding, covenantbreakers, without natural affections, implacable, unmerciful: 32 Who knowing the judgement of God, that they which commit such things are worthy of death, not only do the same, but have PLEASURE in them.

Excellent Talk. Thank you.

Not man enough to finish what he started he ran and hid. I once pulled in the gas station as he was exiting his truck. He hurried back to it and left. Coward!

I met this guy dated him for 5 years, now that I remember on the first date he told me he was controlling. I didn't know anything about narcissism or control. He told me people leave him, I still didn't understand I just wanted to comfort him that I don't plan to leave. Things escalated and he told me well people in relationships would expose each orhers traumas, I still didn't understand and I would pour my traumas to him. Gosh oh gosh. I had abandonment issues with my mom who was narcissist, and I told him. Well years later he would threaten to leave and I would get into anxiety and try fix things even when he was wrong, I got molested as a child after my mom chased me out the house at 7 years, I told him well well being out in the dark alone freaked me out well he would chase ne out his house, after having wine not in a state to drive and the anxiety that something would happen to me sent me to a pit. I recently broke it off with him, after he cahsed me out again, after he threatened the relationship would be over because I didn't want to have S*X. I got tired 😢😢😢😢

My ex thought it was funny when I called out what he was doing. This was way before I knew any terms with narcissist.

It's like you're a fly on the wall at the my house. Discovering that my husband is a narcissist & there was a name for what I was going through for so many years, narcissist abuse, was life changing. That was only the beginning. He has always known which buttons to push to get me going, as I shut them down, he'd push harder & try new ones. This is the 1st time I've heard of yellow rocking. It sounds like basically what I've been doing now for a few years. Anything I say can & will be used against me. Sorry to be so wordy, but I follow other narcissism creators & I saw an acronym, JADE, don't justify, argue, defend or explain. I bought a cheap jade bracelet to remind me & I'd look at it & stop talking not realizing I sighed. He called me out on it & now refers to it as the "sigh of disgust". Smh that I get yelled at for sighing. Interestingly, on rare occasions he has admitted that he knows he's different, like not really caring about our children like his friends do. He chalks it up to a car accident he had as a teen because he hit his head. Again smh. I know his family, his raging alcoholic father & shaming mother. It wasn't a head injury. I guess that's all he could come up with, without taking some responsibility or saying anything negative about his family that might have caused it. He just drinks, until he's stupid drunk then mean drunk. First time seeing your videos, I'll have to watch more of them, thanks.

I don’t think people want to go back once they know what they are, the pain they are left with is the lack of apology. The injustice

After she love bombed me she thought she could move all 4 of her kids in without any sort of financial help. When that didn't work for her the smear campaign was horrible. She based posted an autobiography of my past 3 years w her. All the way from the beginning when I didn't remember the correct date of her birthday. We just started dating at that point. Trust me. High value men test also. She failed miserably

I really love your channel!

Thank you so much. This help me to understand exactly the reality that I live. Crazy days!

BEST MESSAGE ON THE INTERNET 🌼

Ps this absolutely describes what a coworker did to me recently. In the end, I reported him and he got fired. I am anticipating a revenge move

He accidentally recorded himself and sent it to me and when I called him out he denied it all and I said look at your phone. You just recorded yourself. He turned red and said to me, I’ve gotta go. Haven’t seen him since. One month later….

Recommend -this is a good video! Thank you.

What is the mildest version of a narcissistic personality disorder called? My ex told me before we started dating that she was not normal, very selfish and unable to reciprocate love as well as emotionally labile. Yet did the same love bombing, devaluation and cold abrupt discard when she found a new supply roughly 10 months after I met her.

Narcissist know what they are doing that i am 100 percent sure of so you saying they dont know thats a lie. But then again you are one so i expect nothing less.

Will they blame their significant other for the reason they don't finish projects on your house and actually don't finish. My significant other tells me that he's not finishing anything because I can't stop running my mouth and when I ask him how I run my mouth he can't give me any answer. It's frustrating and confusing because I wonder if it is me.

You are so spot on .thank you.

This video and your others have been so helpful. Thank you!

DEEEEPPPP....CLARITY....REVEALING....

omg this is all sooooo true

A narcissist actually is just not able to know they are toxic! No discussion about that!

Yup i see behind the mask And normally he would hoover me and even if i have stuff from him here he is radio silent it's so weird it feels kinda scary 😂 i just told him what he did and doenst take acountability and said he is abusive towards me and he has to work on himself. But yes offcourse he told me i was abusive and seeing things wrong i'ts my reaction (that gets old). It's like kindergarten 😅 he still tried to have controle about sertain things but I'm clear you're not in control anymore.

Is it possible to enlighten a narcissist that he has a problem i.e. he is a narcissist? And that he needs to get help. He is currently claiming he is autistic. And of course I misinterpret what he is doing, making him look bad.

The narc i was with said it was my fault, bc i caught him cheating. That if i wasn't snooping around in his business. Then i never would have known. Then we could still be happily together. So what exactly does this fall under? Gaslighting, blame shifting, or manipulation!!!!

my neighbor is covert. and he started stalking me

Thanks for the information. Use a thesaurus. Crazy overuse of the word, oftentimes. Many times, time and again, periodically, sometimes, generally, etc. Pick five and rotate the usage, depending upon the number of bullet points you are presenting.