Hahaha... Let's forget... It's never let's forget but you forget. You forget so they have permission to do it again while you forfeit saying "again". It's been in the video on forgiveness. Narcs don't view people as "people". We are props and pawns in their power plays or the villains in their stories (how they're a hero or victim). You don't exist for them enough to be considered as "living objects" or "not them". It's not let's, it's you forget what 💩they did. They won't forget anything remotely human that you did.

Omg. That is the exact line that was used on me. I thought for a short minute change did occur. It pulled me deeper in the web. The mask came off and I went into lala land mode instead of running as fast as I could. I wanted him to love me, why wouldn't he? He sought me out a second time. It's just so messy, so sad, so unbelievable. I continued to say- the audio and video need to match, I am not getting hooked back in and I chose to try a second time. Worse than any nightmare I can ever imagine for myself! Looking to get healed and make healthy choices for my life!!!

So true, even if he did something outrageous 1 month or 1 week ago,it’s in the 'past', you can not talk about it 😑😖

@@oishi5518 don't worry - in time he'll make up a reason and rebrand/twist/rewrite the story and it'll be the only thing you're allowed to talk and think about... Usually while he does some other 💩 He's trying to bury. Edit: it usually takes 2-3 months to rewrite and then even decades of forcing the narrative until they do another 💩 that they can't hide or dump on others

@@anna2belle783 Thank u for your insight❤I'm so glad and relieved that I had the strength to leave him before even more BS☺

Excellently put

Hahahaha 🤣😆😆😆🤣🤣🤣it's truly sad.

If that.....

Sadly, yes.

that gave me an audible chuckle

Classic

Lived this reality in my marriage... "I always feel attacked by you..."... "your tone of voice makes me see red..."...thank God it only lasted 3.5 years and I'm grateful every day I'm out.

My son's dad all the way. The mental gymnastics.

This is my fave line 😂

Soooo true!!!!

Good point about the role of addiction in holding out for a dream. I’ve had a lot of revelations about how my own addictions have played into these relationship dynamics, making it even more apparent that they have to do their own healing and I have to do mine.

I only stayed because of the kids. Now they live with me, and she's furious that her 'rights' are being denied. Doesn't matter how many times it's pointed out that if you throw your daughter out of the house, you don't get to play victim, when that daughter doesn't want to know you.

@@jimbobeire love is not a right but a gift. And it's the one that loves to decide if it is deserved, not the one that wants to receive it.

👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

My hope was after having reasonable discussions that we could function as a relatively happy family. My high was holding onto that hope. But that hope was based on falseness. False promises from them and signs that things could improve that turned out to be misleading and false. Having false hope is one of the most torturous things I’ve experienced in life. I had to go no contact with my narc family and only then did my recovery from depression get better.

I asked my Ex if she might consider being nice...she said, "You want me to change who I am!" As if I was making an extreme ask. I never knew that there are people in this world who wake up in the morning committed to being cruel and callous to the needs and concerns of others. UN-BE-LIEVABLE!

It’s always everybody else’s problem 🙄

Two things I can't handle anymore: stop hitting me and don't cheat on me. "You're so controlling! You made me change everything about myself already (the false image she tried to sell me during the lovebombing phase)! You are a narcissist!" So glad its all over.

@@healthyquadrant6587 Same! I asked my ex if he could stick to his promises or at least stop lying to me and be honest. He always said that I have to accept him the way he is and that he's not changing. At least I learned to date someones reality and not their potential.

Exactly, they turn it around on you.

Waw I’m so sorry you went through that. I am listening to my inner voice and all of you guys are inside my head. 2 years as well and promises to change after 4 months no contact. But after listening to all of this I know my inner voice is loader then ever ❤

Two year relationship too.....took him back second time....and nope no change after he said he had changed. Lasted three weeks as he hated me having boundaries for myself

At least you’re truly aware of the behavior. A lot of people say narcs can’t change. I believe they can if they actually look really deep within themselves tbh

Wow. I cant tell you how great you are in saying this. If its any help. I have some shamanic leanings. On the esoterical side. You must work in bringing the masculine and feminine energies into balance as it is in the soul/psyche slippting in childhood due to trauma.In addition on the 3rd dimension you maybe a narcissist but on the fifth dimension ( and most will say of no use here ), on the fifth there are specific why you’ve had this life. When God created the world even in the darkness there was light. We are all traumatised , just on different levels. Keep trying to open your mind to different perceptions of situations if you can. i truly wish you healing

@Polyrhythmium explain to me one thing. You say about trauma. If you know how bad is others to cause trauma unto you, then why are you doing the same into others ? Is really that hard to make this logical deduction ? You are also intellectually challenged besides emotionally challenged ?

@Rich Martin explain to me one thing. You say about trauma. If you know how bad is others to cause trauma unto you, then why are you doing the same into others ? Is really that hard to make this logical deduction ? You are also intellectually challenged besides emotionally challenged ?

You and me both

It’s hard for them to keep that mask on once they get what they want. ✌🏼

Big faxx

Hi narc serviver ❤👈

Exactly what my mother does over and over and over again and that’s why I no longer have contact with her

This 👏

I was once in a relationship where what you said happened, except I was mocked for having my guard up and accused of making a big deal out of nothing. I was too young to understand any of what was going on (1990s early adulthood). But all the shaming did was make me more determined, yet still even this was used against me as if I were making resolutions and change impossible so the narcissist now had an excuse to give up any attempt at changing. I think this is why Dr. Ramani mentioned that the narcissist must change on their own time, not on the time of the other person.

YES! He begged not for a second chance but for a hundreth chance cause I gave him plenty. But after being let down by him so many times I KNEW his "change" would last 2 weeks and after that he would make me pay for giving him the consequences of his own actions smh.

Preach ‼️

omg you literally just described my experience with my S.O.'s mom.

Absolutely... This is exactly why I feel as though you can never let your guard down with a narcissist. Personal boundaries, internal and external, are absolutely necessary 100% of the time.

Thank you for sharing your story❤

@@aminakhan1372 ♥️we all deserve better my dear. You are very welcome. I hope my story shows that there is always a way out. Sending you many hugs♥️♥️♥️

Sending hugs back. Congrats to both of us for breaking free❤

Thank you for sharing this. I was his friend and saw how he treated the girl he was with, so I feel so guilty for then getting involved and letting him treat me terribly as well. Why was I friends with someone who was so cruel to others to begin with? But they are the biggest con artists! They’ll make you believe they’re the victim in everything!

Mine came back and was worse as I had boundaries.

Sorry, you had to endure all of this. But guess what? You are now going to enjoy the rest of your life with peace and quietness.

Didn't you see the red flags in the first year ?

@@visancosmin8991 no I did not. We partied and had a great time. He told me everything I wanted to hear.

You're absolutely right

Nope. They will quickly do everything they did in the past, only more extreme.

Angelia Hines They want YOU to change to accommodate their juvenile manipulative behavior they never grew out of for whatever reason. They spend years getting better at manipulating people while others practice decency. ✌🏼

Transmutation and Transfiguration Words have meaning….., and Feelings` not Logic’ dictates the interpretation and definition of the words we use and speak…..., and the less words you know…., the less you shall be able too access Magix + Alchemy = Sorcery… You would do well to fill your mind with as many words as your Processor will allow you to hold……., and then keep writing down New Words…, and Big Words till you can install them into your mainframe…….., and you must seek out the ramification markers in your dreams whilst you sleep’ for this place of PURGATORY is A Machine called the Great Work.., and we are all born into it……..., and we can all achieve Enlightenment., and Illumination to the Point that we become [Jedi Knights] #QANON /_\ doing Enchantments and even using the Force known as Telekinesis!!! Since we live in A Construct known as these {Virtual Reality} [{**}] Holographic Lives we all do so live, what would you learn too STOP the Racka from feeding off our Human Energy known as Pak-Toe??? In this POST MUD FLOOD, and latest RESET of the world, we have watched the TV Shows dictate our [ideologies] / * \ of the many, but “WE ARE” have maintained exclusion from the Mind Control of PROJECT BLUE BEAM……., and we Humans are more “aware” [{*}] of these nonhuman whom run every FREE MASON Lodge in every Country as an (Invasion Force) where the FLAG is their primary IN YOUR FACE we took your rights away, and made all nonmason Populations - People - Persons SLAVES to Idolatry be that American Idol to Russian Idol too Made In China Worship, and when you have Heroes, you are to Worship them that do WAR IS MURDER when “murder” is something only Humans can do to Humans, and knowing this, we might be able to “redirect” these next 10,000 years if we become proficient in PRE MUD FLOOD Technology, and we will… After The Pre World War of 1853 to 1854 the U.S. Flag changed….., and anyplace you see that U.S. FLAG of the U.N. Troops shows whom has these “Mercenaries” in our Countries be it Asia, The Middle EAST, Africa, Europe, The Baltic, India, and these 50 STATES FOR AMERICA where we do not see our “State Flags” on our Military aka The Coast Guards and The National Guards, nor do we see OUR STATES FLAGS on our Capitals where them [Statues Stand] even in the USofA where Statues adorn a majority of CAPITAL Buildings in a Capitalistic Federalist COMMUNIST “Socialist System” of Socialites telling WE THE PEOPLE what to do when All Politics and All Governments are A Religion Unto themselves…..., as they use our Employment Money to do WAR IS MURDER with OUR paid employees: The Military of our CORPORATION “Conspirator” FLAGS of the U.N. international mafia of FREE MASON Lodge Members!!! That spoken, you do need to look in your Cities aka The CAPITAL CITIES of each State - Nation - Country FLAG and seek out Small Old World Buildings “like this one” in ATLANTA GEORGIA exclusion of the USA or U.S. FLAG Predominance in our Southern Republic… Each State Flag is the CAPITAL FLAG of your Home Land, and the U.S. FLAG is not your homeland, it is an OCCUPATION FORCE of the U.N. “World Police” known as Peacekeepers, and they put that god dammed U.S. FLAG everywhere and anyplace they can, but you must know your STATE FLAG “supersedes” the U.S. FLAG that was only made for a CONFEDERATION known as Republican/Democratic [Control] of your 50 States Navies - Marines - Army, and Air Force, but do you see YOUR National “Identity” STATE FLAG on any Military - Militia - Guards., or even Local Police?.?.? Johnny Exodice The Reason you have no State Flags on your Police Cars, Police Helicopters, National and Coast Guard is because YOU The People of each State Flag have allowed the “U.N. Troops” and their U.S. FLAG of the United Nations INTERNATIONALIST of FREE MASON Lodges to put that “U.S. FLAG” on Your Police, Youse States Militaries, and even above Your STATES FLAGS cause the U.S. FLAG is High Treason - Sedition - Treachery known as a WAR TIME FLAG…..., and this “U.S. FLAG” wants WAR IS MURDER, and that is why “These People” our Doppelganger Populations from the Other Side of FLAT EARTH own all the “TV Shows” called The {NEWS} World Order… The Sentinel… kzfaq.info/get/bejne/mbWVq7B_v-C4oac.html In my Dream I was with Pickard of Star Treachery, and I was using the FORCE of Star Wars to show him “We The People” do have Powers of Observation, and we know we live inside a Celestial Sphere as Celestial Beings……., and the Reason they Dug into the Grounds after the LAST MUD FLOOD Breakdown of the A.I. was too Retrieve the A.I. and have it {teach us} how to Rebuild Rockets aka ICBM Nuclear Hydrogen Weapons, and how to Rebuild all “The Tech” of NOTHING NEW UNDER THE SUN in our SIMULATION Encampment… That said, in ATL there is a Small hidden in plain Sight “Portal” that allows you to Traverse the {TIME LINES} in this Never Ending Oraborus De-Ja-Vu Curse… kzfaq.info/get/bejne/obGCesZ3z9mYcmw.html The Society of nonmason~ [///|||\\\] +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Absolutely! They will act like they have "changed" for the better but they know how to play you. They will "change" and do so well and you're so happy that they listened to what you said but then when you feel you can trust him/her they "hurt" you again.

Sounds like my mother.

Heard that 1000s of time

Ah jeez - just wow.

Ive got third degree burns from all the gaslighting 😫

طبعا...لازم نقلب الصفحه ع كى حاجه هو عملها بس لو سمح الله انتي الغلطانه..كل يوم حيفتح ليك الموضوع

Yep. After I stopped talking to my narc he accused me of letting small petty things ruin the friendship. So he is allowed to hate on everything and disagree with everything I say for years I guess. That's small. But if I slightly disagree one time I get a lecture about him wanting to share his ideas without being mocked. Ok.

Yes. My narc is with an empath life coach. I hope that she can see the truth.

"No one is immune to manipulation" is 100% accurate.

That is so sad because she has a double whammy. She would feel like she should "know better". Nah - these people are so clever at being so evil

Wow she asked for that she was well over qualified.

Bronwyn Tanner My ex always loved the game, (Said in a sing song voice) "I know something you don't know~" It's their favorite game to have information and confuse, to not tell the truth, or twist it. Manipulation isn't all that magical I think, it's just like blaming your sibling when your mom catches you both in the cookie jar. "He made me do it." "It's his fault." "He told me to." It's just spreading false information. It's also calling your brother stupid afterwards "You are an idiot" "Why are you crying? Geez You're so sensitive." "I need a break from your drama, I have a headache."

So so true 👍

abbb282 Thank You

They just dont care; life is all about buisness to them; i.e: getting there buisness done anyway, anyhow

Chris Wyma So InCredibly True

You're right. They refuse to change because the things they do, serve their purpose. It's beneficial to them. Being empathetic, causes them "harm" & isn't in their best self interest. Easier to be selfish.

I did 40 yrs 🤪been free 14 months now 🙋‍♀️ we can do this 🙋‍♀️🙏🙏💪🏻

Hello I read you're comment, I been 36 years I lift him going almost 2 years, but I still love him and miss him iam even praying to God that he will change and come back and take me home, he told me before i lift that he didn't love me then the next day he treated me like nothing happen I still lift I ask him 2 weeks ago can i please come back home and he said no and that anyway he going to divorce me he been telling me this since I lift him. Now this men had cheated, lie, abusive to me and blame me for everything he make me feel guilty I wish I can forget about him, there so much more to said but it will tore out to be a book. I want to know how are you are doing after so many years. Thank you. Blessing.

It's hard work lots of therapy and belief that you are stronger then you ever believed possible. I have now been on my own for 11 months. This passed Tues my divorce came through. I felt such an enormous relief I am no longer legally bound to him. I divorced him and with a very understanding attorney was able to pay the fees out of the small maintaince he was giving me. He told me there would be no divorce when he started his affair and he would just look after me. I proved him WRONG. It's been hard therefore making the achievement all the more great in my eyes. Do I still care love him a little of cause I have made excuses for his behaviour all these years. But I now know without a doubt I am a happier kinder person. I have left the toxicity behind. You too will find the strength to walk away through prayer Good luck.

So like my Ex smh these ppl have the same spirit

Wow almost the same here except I’m in 33 years married now

Gets other woman's name tattooed on his own body and it's YOUR fault?!? Geez! So sorry you had that happen to you That kind of BS sounds so familiar. Everything was (and I'm sure still is) all my fault. All of his decisions gone wrong are someone else's fault, never his.

@@graceface418 I know right. It was like my punishment for catching him cheating for the infinith time.

@@Hundredacredaycare how are you doing? I stayed and kept going back trying to figure it out. Understanding what I was dealing with has helped me so much in my recovery.

I feel the exact same.

I hope you find a way to set yourself free and flourish. I’m praying for you 🙏🏽😔

@@a.o721 omg ....i went through this shit******

@@a.o721 SO true.My good friend sold me out too and told him of my whereabouts.......can u believe!

What’s crazy is that they are all the same person. Word for word!!

yes!! they are liars!!

Oh, yes. They're ALWAYS right! When I see someone like this I always remember the phrase: "The more ignorant, the more convinced to be God-like". And, honestly, sometimes it feels like they think to be even better than God. That they know it better. So I can't take them seriously anymore. And this pisses them off. Because they're always trying to put on a mask of "the more important guy in the room" and then behave like impotent children that can't handle the adult life. It's such a pity. For THEM. Being so old and grown-up and still needing to find a mommy that will solve their problems for them all by herself. Because that's what they call "unconditional/true love". They are just not worth the imput. I hope that you do well and Good Luck!

Same here....HE was never the problem.. something was always wrong with ME

Mine too his new supply is doing it for him.

That’s exactly how they are , my ex husband was like that and later on my boyfriend is a better version but almost same

Dalia J just be careful....we naturally attract aholes....I find myself meeting dating people like my ex...I’m an empath...I’m still learning to speak up and not be afraid...

They won't change because they will never be accountable. Its everyone else who have the problem.

charmaine Macgregor What if they are narcissists too? considering it's inherited. So if we got narcissistic parent, what are the odds we're narcissistic as well?

You may turn out to be a narcissist as well, or you may take on some of the traits of your narc parent. Are you capable of insight? That will make a difference as to what kind of person you become.

M T cannot and will not

Denise Buese I definitely acquired some of their traits. My fathers was malignant as heck, my mother may be on a smaller scale... I always thought perhaps she took up traits of my father due to her also being abused by him. Good chance their parents were pretty messed up to them as well. It's like a cycle, huh? A generation has to break out of it, which I do believe to be my generation. We need to do something about this. Let them all know of their narcissism. Perhaps a therapist or psychiatrists can be their medium so they can have insight. They may just get mad and spit their venom at us if we just call them out on their narcissism? How is is possible for me being the only one that is damaged and needs help? My parents need help too!! I guess I'm an equality type of person. I don't find it fair that the people who damaged us pretend to be fine, even go as to say we need help when in reality it's their fault we're in this position. I may have too much insight considering I recall being a teenager and going months without speaking to them. The whole time I was trying to figure out what was wrong with them... what was wrong with me?... all of this is making so much sense, but it feels like we're stuck. They need to want to be a part of the change, but the whole point of being narcissistic is believing nothing is wrong with you, correct?

I love how this turned out for you. What an awesome therapist!

This is what I really have come to as a conclusion. A narc wants you to change from who you are (very often, we may not be in the best places, but we are in a better place than the narc in some way) into a person who accepts the abuse they give you and not complain. You become a perfect source of supply.

It was always"but you..." If I could just be perfect he would be able to handle reality. Self control for the narcissist is just tyranny of another.

He flipped the script.

Yeah and the frustrating part is to explain it to other people because the logic makes no sense. The worst is to explain one narcissists toxic behavior to another narcissist because you can see how they actually switch in between two positions 1) defend the narcissists abuse as a normal reaction to being slighted 2) they focus on how you are deficient and that you need to try harder for the other person. No contact sadly is the only thing that works for your health :/

That where mine goes every time too till you've questioned yourself and changed and now you're so insecure you cant decide if you're even breathing or not

@@tturing5698 exactly 45 yr of it for me and I've become this bitch or ??? I've gotten to afraid to talk to anyone or go anywhere hed so good at the victim roll .

They are so clever...

Exactly! When I called my nex out on his abusive behaviors he said that I was the abusive one! He claimed the reasons we weren’t working is because I don’t know how to communicate. He’s the only person in my professional and personal life who’s ever claimed that. When I reality, whenever I mentioned anything that bothered me it was turned around on me in fits of rage. I’m glad you got out! ❤️

Yup! My husband is convinced that I have borderline personality disorder. My counselor of 4 years says no, and outlr last marriage counselor sort of chuckled (during a solo sessions due to my husband's tantrums) and immediately said no, I do not have BPD.

Go you. Are you ok now. I got rid mine after his second chance. I set boundaries he didn't like

I guess they're all the same; notice how they've got the same language and way of trying to put you down when they themselves are self-loathing, lonely and insecure beings. I'm so proud of you for coming out of that one. I hope you're stronger than ever now and doing way better. Cheers! ♥️

"I justified abusing you because you're toxic, and you're the abusive one. It's because you make me like this"

What do you mean about the phone? Are you looking at it often? What's on the phone that needs to be seen?

@@healthyquadrant6587 My STBX never went anywhere without his phone until one day he started leaving it on the kitchen table which was unusual. I believe he purchased a new phone which he could have contact with his new supply(s) and his game was to seem transparent by leaving his regular phone out as if to say go ahead and have a look, no proof there. They are very conniving and know how to hide their indiscretions.

Sooooooooo cunning. Never could you ever trust a narcissist.

I found his new phone...he was on every f***ing dating site possible! No change!

OH MY GOD THIS IS SADLY SO TRUE 😩😩😩😩

And what happened? He didn't change ..?

@@lanatodorova6295 : You probably meant to be facetious, but in the event you are actually serious.... No! At the final therapy group, he told me he understood he had a sexual addiction, and it was my job to stand by him and help him through. But by then Dr Ramani and Dr. Carter had repeated enough times, “ they don’t change, and you cannot fix someone else” and I recognized his words for the control tactic they had always been. He’s gone now. Let him destroy someone else.

Same 🤦‍♀️

Time with God isn't wasted

@@malibudolphin3109 : true, but you took it out of context. The point was, the ex used Bible Study as a gaslighting event. Just more abuse. Satan can use anything as a weapon.

Ugh, that sounds terrible! I’m glad you have insight into the crazy-making behavior now and I’m sorry you had to go through that.

Those are the worst

When they change their behaviour too much you have to take for good the worst one. And see the best one as an act. ("What does he want to obtain from me putting on this super-good mask?") And then ask yourself if you can really need someone like that. It's the only way to keep yourself grounded enough to stay sane. Peace ✌️

a. m. Exactly. Leaving saved my sanity. (Though I wasn’t the one who ended it, he did.) I left to give him the space he wanted to find himself. And it was the best decision I think I’ve made.

I am sorry you had to go through that

Talking in circles is a definite, feels like we never get anywhere.... Tries to convince me I'm wrong and I'm the one invalidating him when all I'm trying to do is help him 'see'. Soul draining......

Oh yeah..this one I’ve heard too many times to count!

Same shit here... I showed him this channel of dr Ramani, I thought it will help him open his mind and change , but he just got educated and now he is projecting me that I am the Narcissist 🤣 lol

@@lanatodorova6295 yep. Same! It’s not funny but you have to laugh at the shit 😂

What about having them go to individual counseling to a counselor specializing in narcissistic disorders?

Not with a good therapist! My ex spouse was nailed within 5 minutes of being there. I was in shock and the therapist probably saw that and took control. FOREVER in her debt.

My ex husband studied psyche over the years. We went to a therapist for months. Things only got worse over time. He started getting physical. The last session I had with the therapist she seemed shocked 1 that he didnt show up and 2 at the things I told her were going on. She appeared dumbfounded and said "but he presents so well." Every time he pulled another stunt my dad would raise his eyebrow and say 'but he presents well'

Yeh. I went to one with one of my ex narcs, and she completely flipped everything around on me. Im Hebrew, and she even got the theropist saying my religion is wrong. It was the worst experience ever

@@redtigerlily8165 They are very very talented in "presenting well".

They give hope where there is none

Spot on description. Thank you

@@noracharles9366 yes.thanks

They just want to punish you

Totally correct!

I can relate.

Same.

FACTS 😂🤣😂🤣🎟

Yeah man. By the time I broke down and went grey rock, I didn't even recognize who I was.

Omg, projection at it's best!

Are you back with him ?

Lucy Rane .... they have none, thus, the false self.

@@CS-iv8tk exactly these ppl dont love their self but feel they deserve honor n love from others n feel im better than you if i dont love me who are you for me to love i need love you not popular or rich or beautiful

Listen to Sara here !!!!

Hi. I hear you. Mine did same. Hated my boundaries when took him back as was control to him. I got anxiety and feel it still now. I asked God to confirm and saw the words web cobweb as confirmation... stick in his web

It’s all traps to purposely let you down. Narc is a “friend” and he just took the damn mask off and laid it on my kitchen counter. He mentions that he will call up his old girlfriends to reconcile( cuz the unaware women still hold on to hope of saving him) to invite them out to dinner ONLY TO CANCEL ON THEM LATER. It’s a shit show. Run.

Sounds like mine!

Mine just said the same thing. We just had ours. I spent it with my brother.

...and gentlemen

@@lorettanericcio-bohlman567 feel free to make you own comment addressing the men here hon! Im not denying men have narc wives and find it hard to leave, but MY comment was addressing the wives who wrote lengthy comments on this video, of which i read about 10 or more, and i didn't see any long readlly sad ones from men. Again im not saying it doesnt happen, but if its ok with you and everyone, i wasnt adressing that right now. And Im sure there are probs a plenty of statistical data backing up that women have a very different time in the narc dynamics because they are child baring and therefore usually end up "losing" many more YEARS of thier lives. Loretta WHY are you trying to use my comment to make an "equality" agrument? Its compleatly ridiculous. IF YOU WANT EQUALITY MAKE A COMMENT THAT SAYS "My heart goes out to the husbands" or somthing. FFS

Yeah I can relate to this. In my opinion I think narcissists really hurt themselves a lot including making their world sooo incredibly small and never reach any meaningful goals for them to be proud of and part of it is to always need to be king of their castle. They are also continuously left and feel as an outsider because over time the people they admire and like get wise to their injurious patterns and distance themselves. They never have the courage to venture out. In my opinion I actually feel sorry for them, while also seeing that you cannot hug a snake. It will act like a snake. So you need to be at a safe distance.

"King of the castle" that was the most accurate thing about them I've ever read/heard. They're so obsessed with that tiny world they live in. It's depressing to watch.

Sounds so much like my mum.

New Start Lol!! I truly believe my mom didn’t want kids, even though she tells me it was “her passion.” I think she only had kids so she could eventually blame them for her own unhappiness.

Childlike behaviour. "I can't let you leave me!!! I am the super-human!!! You can't choose to leave me! It has be me to choose to leave you!!!" Their fragile ego can't stand the idea of not being enough for someone. I look at the hoovering and the discard being just a phase they have to go through to be able to stand the fact that they are not liked anymore. You can see the fact that you've come back to him as a mercy to a pitiful someone that otherwise could not stand living with himself. Like you gave him a pitiful pat on a shoulder "Yes, yes. It's true. It's not me, it's you leaving me". But don't let him know that you're happy you're done, or he will come back. (Known from experience). Wish you all the best! Peace and love!

Thank you@@a.m.1675 I forgave him twice and each time he treated me worse than the last time. Now I'm done I will never ever let him to come back into my life.

Somayeh Sheikhi It always gets worse. I’ve been married for 19 years and left 3 times. The first two times I went back, and the behavior became more contemptuous and extreme each time. Anyone who’s thinking that they can handle going back to the situation they left because they have kids or economic problems or they’re lonely or whatever reason makes a return look appealing, just know that you won’t have the same situation you left. They always find ways to ratchet up the misery.

The letters are so gut wrenching. You get this feeling of hope and giddiness over the romance of a love letter. When you read closely, it’s often worded “we can do better” or “we’ve both made mistakes”. Emphasis on the “we” and complete lack of accountability on their end. I got two letters after it ended, and the more I was able to see the bigger picture, it was very manipulative. Love bombing at its finest especially when they never once used the same compliments or affirmations. Be grateful he tore it up himself.. it’s not even worthy of the five seconds of energy it would take to destroy! :)

@@user-xd6nc6rg7b true that, they punish you for "leaving"

I asked my Ex if she might consider being nice...she said, "You want me to change who I am!" As if I was making an extreme ask. I never knew that there are people in this world who wake up in the morning committed to being cruel and callous to the needs and concerns of others. UN-BE-LIEVABLE!

Yeah these kinds of parents never change. Even if they admt to neglecting you as a child they will continue exactly the same behavior as adults.

Whenever I was abused as a child, my mother immediately called the people she knew to make sure they had "her" version of what "really" happened (all lies) as an ongoing drama of how I was misbehaving, how I needed "guidance", how I was given a lecture I gladly agreed to (when I was screamed at for 5 hours) -- all in case I went to any of them and told them what actually happened, they would think I was a child who was overreacting or trying to get out of learning an important lesson or denying my fault. All to cover up her abuse.

@@danielkaiser8971 That's rough. These people really should not have kids.

@Zhenzhen Xiang My family contacted my work place after I went nc too

T Turing, I agree except my mother used all of her kids as a safety net for finances if ever the father wanted a divorce. My dad is not my siblings' dad, and I was the last born. He told me if it weren't for me, he would have ditched my mother in a heartbeat. Her previous husband divorced her but had to pay alimony and child support. He did not live long after that, and he passed on just after my mother married my dad, so I never met him.

My marriage counselor fall for the "promise to change." by my narc husband. However, I let the counselor know that these persons do not change so easily, and that I am not falling for it again. As they would start off quite well and within a few weeks, they are back to their old self and even worse.

Jepp

I personally am (like to believe was) a narcissist who was dumped by the love of my life. She broke up with me twice before because of my behaviors and took me back both times after I promised change. She cut me off once and for all about 2.5 months ago. I have made sure to evaluate and consider all of my actions and decisions throughout the day since then. I am disciplining myself and genuinely trying to make myself into a far better person. It is extremely extremely difficult and I often feel like dying because of how heartbroken I am, especially knowing that my own actions were the cause of losing her. I believe the situation is not as black and white as you may think. Your ex husband may just need a large sum of time to be alone to fully change. If you took him back too quickly before or forgave hime too quickly, he didn’t have the time or reason to break his bad patterns and habits. I can almost guarantee the man had no idea he was the problem (speaking from experience), and if he did he wasn’t given enough time alone to fix it previously. Idk where you are at in life, but it’s been 2 years since your comment. I would place a very strong bet that if the man is still single and still waiting for you, he has become the most dependable partner you could ever ask for if he truly loved you. I would suggest giving him a call. The pain of heartbreak can truly transform a person when given enough time.

Congrats on setting those boundaries. Sounds like your bullshit detector is on point. Enjoy your freedom and wisdom!

LOL I AM GOING THROUGH EXACTLY THIS ... therapy, promise to change, all about him, his problems everything you said... but I... I GOT SUCKED IN.. AGAIN .. and you can guess what happened and why I am here...

@@selenajet6525 Girl you can do it! There's more out there for all of us than having to put up with this bull****

@@80islandia I'm kicking myself in the butt right now cuz I got ducked in too.

I asked my Ex if she might consider being nice...she said, "You want me to change who I am!" As if I was making an extreme ask. I never knew that there are people in this world who wake up in the morning committed to being cruel and callous to the needs and concerns of others. UN-BE-LIEVABLE!

I asked my Ex if she might consider being nice...she said, "You want me to change who I am!" As if I was making an extreme ask. I never knew that there are people in this world who wake up in the morning committed to being cruel and callous to the needs and concerns of others. UN-BE-LIEVABLE!

Excellent example/illustration, slapping and then asking why you are asking. They truly don’t get it and in my experience of 18 years with 1 narcissist, they never will. Move on!!

Yes, you should. Or accept that this is as good as it will ever get.

I'm so sorry. It hurts when someone you love only uses communication to manipulate and rage. It's becomes a constant mantra- if we could just communicate. And then you blame yourself. Another part of being stuck in a narcissist cycle. HURTS

This was my best friend. After ten years of walking on eggshells, which began when we were roommates as strangers her control, manipulation, and possessiveness took over all my time almost immediately. She was just like my narc father...only I was not aware of any of these things 15 years ago. I had to last till the 2 year lease ended. She was so dynamic...love bombed all then flipped to victim hood...then rage... so when in separate cities I thought I could manage her. When I set a slight.....and I mean slight, boundary against an outrageous demand....she sent the most virtriolic email...and mailed to me all the gifts I had given her!!!! Then months later her husband sent me an email to see if I wanted "to mend the relationship"! No acknowledgement let alone apology! He was also a narc I believe. Within the next few years I'd get an email...always from him and condescending... and they showed up to my home to confront me...FIVE YEARS LATER!!! Fortunately I had just moved and changed my number! Lol. Sadly though...I had kept my curtains drawn every weekend those 5 years knowing they would someday ambush me. What a waste. After their tenth anniversary he emailed me to say she had abandoned him and kids and wanted to see me. I did NOT reply. Of note...she left them at Christmas..and was married again in a year. Her second child came just after they showed up at my old place. They were both looking for supply. Poor kids. My point.....you must leave. I was shocked that when she did that the biggest emotion was.... relief! Anger...you bet....but huge relief. Good luck and I'm very sorry you're going through this. It's being held hostage. Trust me...you will miss her and think of her a lot, but possibly not even close to the amount of calm and security you find ; and peace. 🐦🌈

Were we dating the same woman? Sounds like 😂

Yeah, it sounds like he is saying he changed as a way to shut down any possible discussion of how he hasn't changed and never intended to. Don't be surprised if he ever accuses your "lack of appreciation" or "encouragement" as the excuse of why he actually got worse. I just have a hunch he will try to make it all your fault for his own neglecting to change for the benefit of the relationship. Because I have a hunch if he had changed for the better, you would not be leaving comments under videos about narcissistic abuse.

They have so many fictions that they delude themselves with, that they use for false comfort, kind of like the way alcoholics use alcolhol > They spin yarns for false comfort, to make themselves feel adequate.

The trash takes itself out, I always say.

He wanted to discard you first….narcs hate to lose

All of this

Hysterical! Thanks for making me laugh!

I know I've been a dirty little bastard....epic comment!

“Being brave enough to face the truth” is a huge one. Thanks for the wise words and congrats for getting free of the BS.

Lisa trust me on this, block him on every platform and focus on your healing. He will destroy you if you ever go back, you will get over him in the end and then you can be free and happy. Be strong 👊

It makes him look even worse, because Remember all the times you've said that his behaviour is being toxic. And what was his reaction? It's usually demeaning gaslighting. And NOW he is aware and can remember every flaw that he's had?! Doesn't it mean that he good knew from the start that he was acting off? And then? What he did then?? Oh, when called out, while knowing to be wrong, he did everything he possibly could to make you feel even worse!!! And NOW he acknowledges it! It's been a while since you've told him to change his behaviour. And how he was behaving before saying to you that you were completely right? Or if you did not call him out and he "found it out by himself" it just means that he knew that he was doing wrong things to you right from the start. And then he ignored your pain. How someone like this could possibly change?!

Stay away pls, he will become worse if you go back

Girl, same

That's what mine did to me he returned declaring "He's changed" , but I didn't fall for it. I nearly fell for the manipulation and then I self reflected and realised it was simply another manipulative tactic. I blocked him everywhere and he can't contact me.

Yeah...eventually you do change for them and become a shadow of your past self..it’s sad😣😥

@@oishi5518 or you change by leaving, and going no-contact.

@@cacatr4495 hey,great to see your comment.And you're right..I've been no contact for a year now and doing much better😊😊😊 Hope you are doing well too..

You’re right, it definitely takes going against the instinct to “see the gold in others” to get to the other side of the manipulation. You’ve worded this really well. Maybe we need to flip the script and focus on the gold within ourselves, and who is worth having it.

80islandia Absolutely!

The best thing of these comments is knowing your not alone. Thank you for sharing, that could have been me writing that!

you did it though, congrats!

QueervervescentBenjiJames Good for you. Stay strong and stay away. After the way she abused you, you don't owe her anything! Good luck on your journey.

@@andreavanda4722 thank you xx

Q, the spin cycle of an alcoholic. Drink, guilt, shame, drink. I once read all alcoholics are narcissistic but not all narcissists are alcoholics. YOU, go live a good life. 💪🏼💐

I honor your ability to be self-aware and to continue healing and focusing on improving yourself. I too essentially had to raise myself as my childhood was robbed of me. The only way to keep my sanity was to keep track of what everyone said and did so that I couldn't be gaslighted, and also to be very sure that what I said was true. I still deal with both of my parents (ages 88 and 86) never fully accepting me, they never stopped believing being gay is just a lifestyle choice. But their minds are old and no longer flexible, so their changing is not an option, especially on top of the onset of dementia for both of them. You must not be hard on yourself for your past, you continued to learn and you broke through the barrier between immaturity and adult self-accountability. I am so proud of you. You did so incredibly good.🤗 Be kind to yourself now and always through your continued healing in life. 👍☺❤ I hope to see you leaving more comments in the future, telling others of your progress. Take care.

@@danielkaiser8971 thank you. Thank you all, actually, for your words of encouragement. I didn't have a childhood, I didn't have an adolescence, and I was robbed if the first half of my 20's but not by my mother, by a manipulative christian cult that took advantage of my vulnerability. Firing me back into the closet and making me once again ashamed of my feelings and attractions towards men. It's only been in the last couple of years (27-30, current) that I've finally been able to accept myself and express myself free from persecution. J still struggle with internalized homophobia from time to time, but healing is a journey, a journey I'm grateful for. Up until my mid 20's, I was seduced and/or manipulated by family or religious groups to suppress and reject an essential part of my personal humanity. It's not been a long time for me to have been free to just he me and accept myself. I now have friends who love me just the way I am (something my Narcissist mother would say made people "stupid" for doing - accepting an effeminately gay man just as they are) and a living partner. We are actually about to move in together and I couldn't he more thrilled at what my life currently looks like, and sometimes I'm still taken aback by the stark juxtaposition of life as me now verses life as me back then, uo until my mid 20's. And I only just turned 30. Been living for myself and nobody else for only a few years. Most liberating feeling.