I think most women, like myself, can find a man sexy, good looking, but not feel attracted to that man or see themselves having intercourse with that man. Most women need to be connected to a man to be intimate with him, regardless of how he looks though... just thinking.. very good topic!! Thanks for having these conversations ❤

Sexual attraction is definitely important. Sex is an important part of marriage it helps connection between you and your partner spiritually…we were made to have sex… to reproduce… to connect…not being able to have joy in sex with your spouse is a huge issue

It’s not that physical attraction isn’t important. It’s initial. It’s what gets you in the front door.

I love my husband but he was stylistically challenged when we met 😂 he's handsome af, funny, intelligent, educated, respectful and a gentleman. Really how he dressed was the only thing that kinda bothered me, and I remember I mentioned it once and he laughed and said he's never been stylish when it comes to casual clothes so he actually loves taking me along when he needs new clothes now. Mind you it's not labels it's just about quality and how you coordinate cuz he wasn't even doing that before lol. Hes done the same for me with something i wasn't the strongest at doing until he helped me. Your partner will have something you're less favorable of but if you're trying to improve a bunch of ish about them especially out the gate, that's absolutely red flag. 😂 I remember someone said Oh Ciara changed how Russell dressed she didn't love him for him but if clothes was all you had to worry about and their character is A1, chile be THANKFUL 😂 I KNOW I AM!

“Why you looking at my lace” 😂😂

I think there are different aspects that play into attraction. Physical attraction is important, but if you're not stimulating me mentally & emotionally in addition..the sexual easily fades.

Attraction is definitely different from sexual attraction for women. My husband and I have been married for 4 years (we’re both 27) and we had a pretty rough patch about two years ago. I think my husband is very handsome and I am definitely attracted to him. But during that rough time, I had ZERO sexual attraction to him because of our relationship in general. So he could walk into the room and objectively I could say ‘yeah he looks good,’ but I was ready to jump him not jump his bones! 🤣🤣🤣

Here's my surface example of physical attraction vs sexual attraction...When you see someone who's cute/fine/praying up a storm/worshiping with an open heart/exemplifying good Godly character, etc., BUT thinking of them in a romantic way never crosses your mind. You admire what you see, but you don't want it.

Lol!! The lace front debacle complete with a replay 😂😂😂 Ya’ll are hilarious 😂

Loveddd this conversation. And For me and my house, attraction ABSOLUTELY matters and of course the other stuff too! But yes I WILL be attracted to my man in Jesus name! Lol and sexually attracted.. period!

Majority of the time attraction is what sparks the interest because you don’t know their personality. Someone can not be your type or not necessarily attractive to you but they aren’t ugly and as you get to know them attraction grows. But you can not be with someone who you find absolutely ugly so everyone saying attraction doesn’t matter is lying because those compliments you’re so sexy/beautiful/handsome would be hard for you to say knowing you’re lying to yourself. Can you get over it yes generations ago in arranged marriages they got over it but it’s not a great foundation of a relationship to tolerate the looks of your partner. Also questions about attraction in marriage are irrelevant because at that point the vow and bond outweighs that and beauty fades over time. Which I feel is why in the Bible it states to marry the beautiful woman of your youth and be intoxicated by her because you will hold on to that beauty and passion as you age with that person.

I think there are different aspects that play into attraction. Physical attraction is important, but if you're not stimulating me mentally & emotionally in addition..the physical easily fades.

Physical attraction is what draws you to the person(your attracted to the way they look). Once you get past their physical appearance and get to know the heart and mind of that person will determine whether or not you decide to want to be in a relationship with that person. There also should be compromise when it comes to decision on different interest.

I have to agree with you Jess, for me, physical attraction is very much important, not the most important but definitely needs to be there. It also helps with keeping temptation away (which is something a lot of people don’t think about)

Jess, your personality is so big! I absolutely love it! I understood every stance presented in this conversation. As a very married (almost 10years) with kids - wife, I get the physical vs sexual attraction topic. They can be synonymous but can also be absent… ex: I can love all the things you do for me, your drive, your tenacity, the way you father.. but IF your “heat” doesn’t stimulate my jacuzzi then the sexual attraction is not there (for now). However, if that haircut; yes, something as simple as grooming, can make my water fall, I have both (physical & sexual) attractions to you! In my case, I’m very vocal - you will meet my needs! And I will show/talk you through it. My husband knows where I stand because I’m not afraid of the hard conversations and vice versa. We speak without ill intent and that works for us during times of self doubt or feelings of lack.

I'm with Jess on this one. Great dialog, by the way. The reason I believe you two are at different ends of the spectrum as it relates to sexual attraction is because women and men have two TOTALLY different mindsets when it comes to sex. We have sex w/our heart, and men have sex with their penis. If our heart isn't in it, neither is Ms. Kitty. This is why women could still be in a relationship, and be emotionally elsewhere.

I love how y'all complement each other in these conversations! Subscribed to the new channel 👍🏾

I agree with Jess. There is definitely a difference between physical attraction and sexual attraction. E.g- Omari Hardwick...him as ghost in power could get it, seeing him as himself, his mannerisms, his personality, the way he talks etc...absolutely not sexually attracted to him. But it doesnt seem like that was the case in the scenario. It seemed like she just wasnt attracted to him at all and overlooked that because she prioritized his other qualities.

Sex appeal is verrrryyy different from physically attractive. You can be cute and not have the swag to get me going.

It's something y'all said about if you're trying to change someone then you probably don't like them but just the idea of them and vice versa. That was such a good point. I love the perspective each of you bring and the love and respect y'all have for each other!

I'm crying at the replay 😂😂 He was definitely looking at your lace

Jessica! Excellent point about going on a vacation! My husband and I have been married 15+ years and are having serious problems. Our family blessed us with a Staycation and it really helped us to talk about some of our issues! Great point!! Jonathan! You are wise beyond your years! THANK YOU BOTH! LOVE YOU!!

Love love how you guys tackle these tough subjects!!! There are several types of attraction-intellectual, athletic, visual, etc so yes I agree with Jess. You can have attraction without sexual attraction.

Jonathan was on point with his answer, especially when he broke it down. All Godly men and women should have this perspective and mindset before they get married. It will save a lot of marriages. Feelings will DECEIVE you. Great podcast guys!🙏🏾

I 100% understand what Jess means. I just call it “the vibes” and some people call it the “sparks”. Just because someone is attractive or conventionally good looking, sexual chemistry will not be grantees.

This has been a great conversation! I have been married to my husband for 14 years but we were together for 23 prior to the marriage. last year was a hard one. We found out he had prostrate cancer. It was a life and death situation and things have not been the same, but I am so grateful that the Lord stepped into our situation and He is doing a new thing in us.

Preach Jonathan!! That whole fantasy comment is spot on!!

As happy as I am that you two are giving of yourselves this way. I am nervous because divisive people are already coming for ya'll already. Please give them the least attention; they will eventually flee so you can build the healthy community you intend to. Love ya'll

My partner had some mash up hair when I met him, but his personality was crazy hot. Don't get me wrong, he's tall, dark-skinned, but I was'nt physically attracted to him at first, then we started dating, and he got a haircut, Jess!!!!! I was gone, weak at the knee, so yes, physical attraction brings a different level of passion to our relationship, that trust me he volunteer's now to get a haircut 😅😅😅😂

Jess is clocking the lace look. 😂😂😂😂😂

Yay! New channel! Congrats y’all 🎉

That replay was wild😂 Definitely enjoying these conversations!

I APPRECIATE THIS !!!!!!!

OK let’s go ahead and get deep with it! I’m here for it!

Subscribed to the new channel. Love you guys 💜

The replay sent me 🤣

Jess I totally understand what you were saying lol because as someone who is waiting until marriage I find that when I dated in the past I would sometimes think the other person is physically attractive but did not see them in a manner that was sexually attractive. Which had nothing to do with lust… And honestly that’s how the mindset of you need to “test it “ before is normalized, but that’s a whole other convo….

I do agree with Jess...There's a difference between being attractive and sexually attractive. That's why we have things that turn us on and off sexually . For example I can find Someone physically attractive but the way they talk can be unattractive to me and that has an impact on how I view that person sexually

This is why I have to WATCH these videos and not listen like a podcast because I am in tearssss laughing at the replay of Jonathan looking at your hair 😂😂 I can tell he definitely looked at your hair cuz he doesn’t prefer the wigs and loves your natural hair. Yall body language is so funny to me 😂

Well done Oxford… come on words !! In other news I agree Jess…. Sexual Attraction and Attractiveness/ Beauty is different and also relative

Good discussion . Love is a feeling that grows and I agree with Jonathan it could be expectations that's causing that person who commented to feel that way about her husband . If he's a good man and all that maybe she should focus on him and that as well as seek counseling to help . I can't imagine it though because I'm married and attracted to my husband in every way . From the time we got married to now my feelings for him and the attraction I feel towards him has grown tremendously. I wish her all the best ❤

1) Character over initial physical attraction............baseline, you should like your person physically. They do not have to be the "ideal" image you've had in your mind for that to be so. I agree with Jonathan too, it's part of the whole thing but not a major thing in and of itself. 2) I think we need to also make sure that our minds are renewed from what the world deems attractive. Best believe the image of what is physically attractive in our minds is what we've seen. Based on what "society" has made us believe of that image over time, we've formed a liking to it. Can easily be reprogrammed. 3) Sexual attraction definitely belongs in marriage and when I think about it most women are largely emotionally and mentally stimulated. Physical attraction does help but in terms of priorities, I think a woman will choose a man who loves and treats her right even if he doesn't meet her ideal spec. 4)When you're married you are locked in. This is your sexual attraction not by feelings but by choice for the rest of your life no matter what.

I think these conversations should be discussed while you're dating, what things are non-negotiables this way you know if you want to continue the relationship.

Physical attraction is definitely important to me. I have dated "unattractive" men before, and they ended-up being worse than the handsome men. Why is it okay for men to be attracted to women, but women are expected to be okay with frogs 🐸? The inside is important, but can he be a "looker" as well...YES he can ijs🤷🏾‍♀️

LMFAO NOT THE REPLAYYYYY! 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Love your podcast ❤

i'm not married yet but God blessed me with this video, been watching since 2017 Jess!

Good quality content. Thank you👏🏾👍🏽!!

Jonathan with the wisdom "danger of fantasy" merciful God

Cmonnnn Evangelist Jon with the gems!!! Yes to everything he said!

No sex in 8 months and your married is wild. Physical attraction can be different. In my opinion the lady who commented about this probably does not like having sex with her husband at all which is why she isn't sexually attracted to him. There's things that may turn her off and she needs to communicate that to him so they can work thru it. Or maybe she abstained and married to find he's a micro although that's a sensitive topic i can see ways to get around that as well if he's a great man otherwise. I agree counseling but mental and sexual counseling for this couple can bring them thru this.

I would add that o appreciate how you two communicate and allow each to speak without interrupting each other.

in just subscribed to the new channel congratulations again guys!

I think this can be compared to the equation that you can truly love someone but also not be IN love with them. So much ppl has a hard time understanding that

If I order the Big Mac meal I want the fries, big mac, and the drink. Everything is important I need the whole meal, a Godly man I'm attracted to, loves the Lord (Jesus Christ), and have something going for himself. 🤣🤣🤣🤣 Now if you want the meal without the drink or fries be my guest.

I get what Jonathan is saying, you can objectively think someone is good looking/ handsome but not be attracted to them - thats a different thing. However when there is already an attraction its already partially sexual , but I guess sometimes it can increase or decrease based off different things like what the person does, the moods etc

Physical attraction is important in a relationship .

Just came to see if y’all started your new podcast channel yet lol…I’ll be back tomorrow to watch the video!

I like this topic. As someone that had two children back to back, I was blessed to have my libido come immediately back. I’ve known many mothers that struggled with getting their libido back and it caused tension, affairs, and divorce. Where does one go when it’s taboo to say “i want to respect my partner as someone who went through childbirth BUT I am also an equal partner with needs?”

If someone claims that physical attraction is not necessary then why would some of those same people lust at attractive people men or women and try to hide it😢let me say something. After you get all that brains and good natured person in your life if you have no physical attraction someone will come along and break that for you. This is the main reason why people go out and cheat and don’t know why they did it. Why the second part of the attraction came in “the physical” I don’t care what anybody says there must be something that they like about that person….and they the only one who knows what it is..anything they should know

Nah Jonathan, no shoes on the couch 😂

My question Is how do you even find out that stuff about that person If you don't first like what you see? Of course whats on the inside matters more, but if I don't first like SOMETHING about you, I'm not going to entertain finding out the deep stuff 😅🤷🏽‍♀️

Hey Jess and Johnathan, I love what yall are doing . Johnathan gave a lot of good perspectives from a man’s stand point. The subscriber should also take in consideration that her husband have needs as well. 8 months is a long time. He may cheat and that will open up another can of worms. Can’t wait to the podcast launch🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉

When you meet someone you find sexy, getting a simple hello from them will send tingles to your lady bits. I understand and agree with Jess you can find someone attractive but not sexually attractive. That’s why guys and girls can be just friends.

Subscribedddddd to the new channel. I love you guyssss❤

I find that I’m more attracted to my husband when his hair is cut & I think it’s obvious why but I do I become a little more affectionate toward him so being physically attractive definitely does matter. Also I’m glad you guys brought up the height difference..I’m 5’4 & my hub is about an inch or 2 taller but I feel some way about that so I opt out of wearing heels most times 🤷🏽‍♀️

I am a "seasoned subscriber" and physical attractions does matter...LOL!! I can't see your personality across a room...thank goodness I have both ...God is Good....🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

Commenting before I watch ❤❤❤😂

😂😂😂 you'll had me cracking up

Physical attraction and sexual attraction are very different things. I have been thinking about how important sexual attractiveness should be. I do think that there must be balance.

There IS a difference between being attractive to someone and sexual attraction😂

Since I'm one of the more seasoned subscribers physical attraction is important it's just that as you get older sometimes you get older sometimes you gotta trade 1 out for the other cause the likeliness of you get involved is slim. And most likely the inside tends to Way more than your physical attraction because once you see the type of person they are it adds to their beauty for you.

I have a scenario - I was connected with this guy, on paper my type, his personality was great, he was ambitious, kind.. really great except, he was on the heavier side, and I just couldn’t get past it. I spoke to my parents, older women from my church and they all agreed that if I didn’t think I could get past it, end things early and don’t drag it on. He deserved someone who like him completely. I don’t regret that decision.

For me. If I'm not attracted to the person I won't even entertain it, But if I'm attracted to the person but we don't have the same values, faith(must be a Christian) it's also a no, the person gotta have both. Attraction it what makes me interested, but the personality character faith is what makes the relationship progress and possibly leads to marriage. That's me, tho can't speak for everyone. However I've heard you may not be attracted to a person at first but when you know the person you can become, but i just stop from the beginning 😬 maybe that's why im still single.😂 🙆🏾‍♀️Jesus, take the wheel

Her smile when he said "I would never leave" 🥰🥰

Hey Jess and Johnathan I love you guys!! Can you please do a podcast on god ordained marriages vs marriages put together by man (going against God’s will and marrying someone not for you)

I agree with Jess. There's many people that I'm very attracted to that I'm not sexually attracted to. I think maybe it's more of a woman thing than men. Maybe men's baseline for attraction in general is sexual attraction. If they're not sexually attractive then maybe they're not attracted in general.

Been waiting !!! Lol 😂❤

Jess is right about the distinction. I can find someone attractive but not find them sexually attractive. That’s been very few and far between. For example, Liam Hemsworth is attractive, but I’m not attracted to him. Idris is attractive AND I’m attracted to him.

Sounds to me that he is not satisfying her sexually and it's a turn off. She loves him but maybe not in love there is a difference. Just my opinion.

You have a good, mature husband, Mrs. Wallace!!!❤

the replay 😂😂😂 Jonathan repent right now! 😂😂

Physical attraction is very important to me, it’s the first thing that I see, the first impression, and sex is very important in a mariage so I need to be attracted to my partner. And that doesn’t mean that I will lower down my standards just because somebody is pleasant to my eyes but I need both which is totally possible in my eyes.

I repeat. There is always something there. Even if he/she isn't drop dead gorgeous, there is something there! May I suggest what can help the attraction issue with your spouse? Start working out, I mean, gym rat working out together. Even if you both work out separately in the same gym. Peep your spouse bustin' out some bench presses or squats while you're doing your thing. Practice dancing....especially salsa!!! Watch things happen!!

COMPROMISE & COMMUNICATION❤

This is probably the therapist in me but I’d want to know why my partner feels the way he does. So for the gels example, why does he not like when I wear hears that make me taller than him? Does that change how he sees himself as a man? Or the green hair example? Was he not able to express himself as a child or earlier relationships and this is a manifestation of that? Because at the end of the day, if I’m with that person I ultimately want to respect your wishes and desires and this would provide me with more understanding. It really boils down to communication so I think it’s less about who gives in but how can we come to an understanding.

Jess, I know you don't like us being Team Jonathon... sorry but we have to protect him. You have to take one for the team. Maybe it's the haircut or the sweaters and new style but it seems like he's matured 20 years since you got married...he went from cute twenty something with the long hair to this grown 45 year old lol. He's slowly morphing into Michael B. I see you Jess! Marriage has been good to both of you. You love to see it!

First!!!!😂❤

1. 18:34 the solution to that is if you met me in a way, 🍩 dare start asking me to change. 2. I could never date anyone that didn't make me tingle physically. Like I want to feel like a pervert of how much I want somebody y'know?.

I think men look at things differently. I’ve met guys that were REALLY attractive. but they’re dumb😂. So I eventually found them unattractive, therefore they’re not sexually attractive to me. You’ve got to intrigue my mind first, then the body follows.

Why is the vacation/hotel segg so much better!?!?! 🤣🤣🤣 I think it's the hotel sheets 🤔🤔

I'm making comments as I'm watching 😂 so yeah I think sexual attraction vs attraction aren't the same. It's like how women can look at each other and find each other sexy but are also heterosexual and don't wanna have sex with each other lol. Idc how beautiful I find a woman to be, I don't wanna do to her what I wanna do with a man 😂

Those that need to SEE don't trust the process. There's ways to make it work

Whew no sex in 8 months is very delicate. I feel like although sexual attraction/physical intimacy isn't of utmost importance, it is somewhere in the realm of a healthy relationship category. Like that would at some point cause other issues with self-esteem and confidence within yourself. My question would be does the husband feel the same way and if so what dynamic of the marriage has changed to cause the drough.

It’s a case of stability and peace of mind. She married him because he was a safe choice, not because she was drawn to him physically. Most of us have a baseline physical attraction to someone possessing a certain assortment of features, and would never even date someone we don’t look forward to having sex with. She is left with regrets for being practical - even though attraction would not have guaranteed a long, healthy marriage either. She just married too young, but this is also typical in lots of retro, religious, and eastern countries’ cultures.

She’s turned on by his accent that we can’t / haven’t hear[d] … it was instantaneous, almost unnoticeable, but it was so freakin adorable lolol ✊🏾😍✊🏾

Y’all funny with throwing them flags 😅… tell Johnathon good job on his responses… 👏… I think what you’re saying is that some people need help being sexy… or they need help bringing the sex out of the person… her husband has to be given ways to make himself more appealing sexually… that should fix the problem… tell sis 1. Hair cut.. 2. Nice outfit & shoes.. 3. Cologne… those are some ways he can become more appealing sexually… Blessings🎊

I think the distinction should be between beauty(inside or out) and attraction. The definition of attraction is evoking interest, pleasure or liking of someone or something. You can appreciate someone’s demeanor/appearance without wanting to get in their pants and vice versa. You could be ugly but have sexy qualities.

Think it’s not either/or it’s both/and, if someone is not handsome to others it doesn’t mean they are not handsome or attractive to someone else. Consider what the other wants but not demanding what your mate or partner does.

Jonathan is in my opinion is speaking as a man of GOD! I believe he is correct in that sexual attraction is part of the whole attractiveness! And, worldly fantasies is what many may consider sexual attraction. Also, Jonathan’s statement about considering sexual attraction after marriage is true in reference to the scripture. As man and wife both have to be there for each other physically and sexually through prayer!