Are you hurt and currently in a bad marriage and thinking when you should get a divorce? Watch Paul Friedman explain the right time to get a divorce.
I haven't always been a marriage saver only for the last 20 years or so. Before that, I was a divorce mediator so I saw all the bad reasons for getting a divorce because I can tell
you right now looking back I don't think there is one couple who I worked with that should have had a divorce but I didn't know any better at the time. I had to learn about marriage. I had to understand marriage better so now I have a different perspective. In those days, I
actually believed in divorce.
I thought you don't get along your part as friends as best you can and you get on with your lives. I didn't realize the negative impact that it has on the children, on the individuals. It's very very difficult. They don't tell you the truth and your mind doesn't tell you the truth. You just want to get away from your pain and you can get away from your pain and you can get away from your pain without getting a divorce but there are times when you should.
When are those times?
First, I'm going to give you sort of the general. You ended up marrying a pedophile you didn't know. Pedophilia is something that is a big problem. There's another, there's a
few so one of you is involved in crime very deep in crime.
What are you going to do?
Being married from prison another drugs. Now obviously, if someone is going through drug problems and you've been married for a while and you want to be there to help them or
alcoholism. It's kind of an obligation to stick it out to a degree but what if it becomes abusive. It's very difficult for us here to tell you what to do in those situations but many of those are realistic grounds for a divorce. It doesn't have to be a nasty divorce. There could be understanding involved. I mean if you're married to a junkie it's tough and if they're not doing what they need to do to straighten themselves out it's tough and no matter how much loving support you give and if you have children all of your focus is going to be sucked into their black hole of junkieism so those are some examples Then there's other examples and some of these I hate talking about because it sounds so one-sided and so hopeless.
There's a big difference between a man cheating on his wife and a wife cheating on her husband and you could accuse me of doing a double standard but it's complicated and I mean for my own wife it's not complicated if I cheated on her it'll be over. But in many cases, it should be considered to be a wake-up call. You should see it as what were we doing wrong, why is he not staying home, what am I doing, what am I not doing where he's not feeling everything that he should be feeling in the marriage. If you're the woman and your husband has cheated on you usually, that marriage can be reconstructed and made amazingly better and even with just you doing all the "work" and the good news is that the work you're doing his work you should have been doing all along anyway.
One of the things that is totally misunderstood about marriage is that marriage is a spiritual path. It's an individual spiritual path that two people get on together. And as an individual, your goal should be happiness through love and women are deeper than men, I'm sorry but they are. Women are automatically connected to their heart because nature has set it up
that way so they could raise children and nurture them.
Men are not connected to their hearts in that way. I don't have a blanket if your husband cheated on you it's grounds for divorce. On the other hand, if a wife has cheated on her husband it has been proven to us and to every psychologist in marriage counselor I've ever spoken with that that marriage is never going to come back together and I can give you a bunch of reasons why that's true but I'm not going to I'm just going to say statistically, experientially -- it's much tougher.
There are obviously going to be other considerations. We've had people write to us so you know my husband has been on a business trip for a year now. I think those grounds for divorce. Ultimately, you have to make that choice for yourself. No one can make it for you
but you could write in. Our counselors -- it's a free service. We're a non-profit foundation. Our counselors I've trained them all will give you the best answer they can and it's not always going to be perfect but usually, it's pretty darn good.
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