Phil failing a test in school: Fucking pencil doesn't do what I did. I never wrote that! This test is fucking rigged.

People like DSP are the reason we have 40 minute long obnoxious forced unskippable tutorials in todays games

Phil does a mile run test: "Dude, what the fuck, my stamina goes down so quick!" "Legs are bugged!" "This is bullshit!"

Phil must really have struggled with those toy shape sorting boxes as a child.

DSP as a parent: "My kid got run over by a car? It's not my fault! How was I supposed to know I should take care of my kid. The kid's AI is stupid! NOTHING I could do."

Spends his whole life gaming and he never acquires skills from the previous. Every new game he looks like hes someone who has never played a video game before. Its amazing.

"If I'm gonna' be honest, I'm probably one of the *best gamers* in the country!" Oh my god, he actually said it. I thought it was a joke amongst the community, I didnt think he *actually said it*.

Whenever I'm doing bad at a game and feel like I'm the worst gamer ever, I come watch this video and instantly feel better about myself. Thanks, Phil. You're doing God's work by setting the bar so low that anyone can step over it.

I imagine Phil getting a bad grade in school and being like "Your teaching mechanics are bugged! COME OOOOOOON!"

DSP at 50 : -"so wifey let's have sex" -"no" -"fine then, looks like I can't have sex, whatever"

"It says lather rinse repeat! Ive been in the shower for 7 hours! When am i clean? This shampoo is bugged!"

My older sister who never played any game in her life (except sims that one time) asked me once if I had Dark Souls. And of course I did. But the point is, she simply heard of how popular it was and even if she didn't know the layout of any type of controller, she still wanted to try playing the game. Without any assistance! She managed to beat the Asylum Demon after FOUR attempts. Getting better by the minute once she learned the mapping of the controller. A few hours later, she died a lot of times, made a lot of progress and even crossed swords with invaders while having a good time. Her opinion of the game? Fun and exciting. Even for someone who has never played video games before. P.S. And she enjoyed playing Demon's Souls too.

LOL! "Now we're getting somewhere, I'm liking this." walks off cliff and dies immediately.

Instead of a face-cam, I would love a controller cam for DSP. Just so we can see how he's totally pressing the button when he says he does.

DSP... The kind of guy that would lose playing Big Rigs...

it's funny how close DSP was to being a very successful modern youtuber, but his ego ruined it. if he could have just embraced the fact that he's a lolcow and not taken himself seriously, he could have made an absolute killing. he could have been a counter-troll, but his fragile inflated ego wouldn't allow it.

54:40 "I know how to use magic,I know how to do proper combat,alright, now we're getting somewhere,I'm liking this." *immediately falls off the cliff and dies* My God, that had me laughing on the floor for ages. Seriously Phil,how the hell didn't you realize that you were about to fall off and die?

"What? How can I lose health just from landing?!" Right. As opposed to real life where, if you fall from really high up, everything will be just fine & fuckin' dandy. Oh yeah, that's right...that's not what happens.

The foreshadowing at 2:35, when you see the guy start to get up, then he’s off camera for a few seconds... then he pops back up to throw DSP from the motorcycle.. it’s just excellent.

I don't know what's worse about the part where he kills Oscar, the fact that he killed Oscar, or the fact that he's gloating about killing him, like he was a really hard boss fight.

I envy his lack of talent, a single game can last him hundreds of hours till he gets to the end of the story

If you watch DSP streams and pretend you're watching a robot specifically programmed to be bad at games/always spew word vomit blaming everything for his bad performance, it becomes an incredible experience. DSP is a work of art. DSP can never change. He belongs in a museum. He's that annoying kid you knew in grade school who talked a big game but could never deliver on it, except he never grew up and now we're lucky enough to be able to watch him whenever we want. What a gift to the world.

Holy shit, he's really that kid who said every game has bad controls and his controller doesn't work right grown up.

Only DSP could be proud of killing a crippled dieing man

I think DSP might actually be a sane man trapped inside a disabled body. Maybe he keeps trying to do the proper commands, press the right buttons, but his body just spazzes out everytime he gives it an instruction and he fails in whatever he is trying to do. This man needs help everyone :c

I guess in his previous life he was steering the Titanic: "OH JESUS! THIS IS RIDICOULOS! THAT FUCKING GIANT PIECE OF ICE JUST SPAWNED IN FRONT OF ME OUT OF NOWHERE! WHAT COULD I DO? I PRESSED EVERY FUCKING BUTTON! FUCKING KOJIMA PIECE OF FUCK!".

“Alright so I figured out how to use the spell.” Me: Now you’re gettin it Phil! “So now that I have a talisman in my off-hand I’ll press R1.” Me: God dammit Phil!

Fun fact:when I played games at like 7,8,9,10, I used the "controls don't work". Especially on dark souls cuz I had no idea what I was doing and didn't bother converting it's controller instructions to keyboard. The difference is that I was 10. *TEN*

From his voice and the way he acts, I genuinely thought he was about fifteen. I find him extremely distressing to listen to and it's only been made worse to realise that he is actually an adult.

I like the way he often speaks in third person about the character that hes controlling...

The DarksydePhil Drinking Game: Take a sip whenever he: - Says "Wow!" or "Oh my God!" - Declares his intention to quit the game. - Blames the controls for his mistakes. Take two sips whenever he: - Says "I'm dead!" or gives a loud "HUH!?" - Insults the game's creators. - Says something sexist or makes a sex joke. Down your shot whenever he: - Belches. - Insults his own fans.

And I’m just here like “How did he ever have a girlfriend?”.

DSP is the personification of the most negative stereotypes about Americans.

"Alright, now we're gettin somewhere, I'm liking this." [slowly walks off cliff]

All this. DESPITE ALL THESE ATROCITIES, he's still streaming, playing video games and blaming on everything but about himself. He must've been blessed, and cursed.

“He gave me a flask and I killed his ass 😏” I feel like... phil is some sort of metaphor for humanity’s apathy towards its own kind or something

"Approach him and grab him" - What do i do??? "Approach him and grab him" - I don't know what to do! "Approach him and grab him" - I cant figure out what to do! "Approach him and grab him"

People give this guy money on Patreon.

As a big fan of RE4 each scene with this game in this video brings me closer to suicide

the best part is how he seems to genuinely believe that almost every Trippe A game enjoyed by billions and if anything polished to a fault, has a terrible unresponsive control scheme that only he seems to notice

How did he place 4th in a Street Fighter tourney when he can't even double jump in Jak and Daxter?

You could say Phil's actions in MGS2 were... Irrational.

DSPs dream game would have a button prompt show up for literally everything at all times.

I love how every single game DSP plays is somehow bugged, when actually he himself is bugged as a person and will never learn from his mistakes for as long as he lives. What a character

He literally struggles with children's games. smh fam.

Is he Tommy Wiseau's kid? "I did not touched it, it's BS!!",he even does the laugh, "hahahaha, what a story Mark" like some kind of iconic way to say "I have no idea what I'm doing."

I've been going down the DSP rabbit hole for a few days now after watching DasBoSchitt's "KZfaq Ave" series and discovering that Phil in the videos was actually, accurately, meant to represent a real person. Almost every new thing I have found out about this thing has somehow managed to irritate me even more than the last. So far I've noticed a few recurring traits. >Inability or refusal to learn >Inability to self reflect >Inability to also see outside of himself >Refuses to even attempt to develop any of these basic human brain functions >Near constant failure to exercise even the most basic of higher cognitive and motor functions >Cannot understand patterns, or chooses to ignore them (This video has dozens of examples of this, reading a tutorial prompt only to somehow not understand how to perform that action less than 10 minutes later) >NO higher reasoning capabilities (Please refer to the video where he ranted about his condo for 15 minutes during an unboxing video, while a fire alarm blared in the background, and the box was never touched. He even mentions at the start "you may notice a loud, annoying, ear splitting alarm in the background" yet still decides that time is the best time to record a video, and then uploaded it) Phil is an NPC, 1000%. He literally is not sentient or aware, I refuse to believe a cognizant creature with a "soul" is capable of being this fucking terrible in literally every possible aspect. Berating him for being the way he is would be like berating a dog for barking at it's shadow, he literally is INCAPABLE of understanding what he is doing wrong, nor does he realize that it is indeed wrong. You can see it looking into his eyes, try any image of him where he's looking into the camera, there's nothing behind his eyes, nothing going on in his head at any given moment, The lights are on, nobody is home.

I'd buy Metal Gear Kojima sons of Kojima any day of the week

DSP finely demonstrates the definition of insanity. During the fight with the Metal gears, any normal person would have realized: "Oh shooting them repeatedly in the head doesn't seem to do anything. Maybe I'll try to shoot these other targeted parts." Not DSP. He keeps doing the same thing, then complains how the game is fucking stooopid when it doesn't work.

this is like if keemstar had a gaming channel

I can imagine Phil falling and breaking a bone and then screaming, "BUGGED GRAVITY MECHANICS! I COULDN'T EVEN DO ANYTHING!"

I love how these get more views then Phills videos

You must have a cast-iron stomach to sit through DSP's videos in order to make a compilation. I couldn't do it. He's so skin-peelingly cringey and gross I can't even look at him without equating him to an uncooked lump of dough. So I thank you for your service.

THERE WAS NOTHING i COULD DO

"I pressed X. It did nothing". The play through.

54:40 - 54:55 made me laugh my ass off for about 10 minutes straight

How to use rations: 1. Put your hands on each side of your head 2. Twist until you regain health 3. If you begin to feel discomfort, it means you're about to regain health - keep twisting!

"I'm probably one of the best gamers in the country" I puked in my mouth a little bit when he said that

DSP is the human equivalent of that meme of the guy on the bicycle who sticks an object inbetween the spokes of his tires, falls off and blames someone else for it.

It’s amazing how he always thinks he finds a game breaking bug in every single game.

His GTA vice city walkthrough went for 400+ parts probably all 30 min episodes

He doesn't know what Left stick+R1 means, but he played fighting games on a somewhat competitive level? What.

This is the man that quit FUCKING LEGO STAR WARS people.

"Because I'm an honest person." That might be the pinnacle of his self-delusional lies.

Could you imagine being this guy's parents?

"Tell me what to do" And this is why gaming sucks now. No one tries intuitive things or tries to make sense of their own actions. Everything must be spoon-fed.

this boi says "wow" more than Owen Wilson

54:37 "Ahhh-haa. Now we're getting somewhere." Phil then immediately walks off a cliff. Perfect analogy for DSPGaming.

Why and how does he have a fanbase?

How can he be bad at so many games. It's like he doesn't even pay attention and then complains when he fucks up. It's amazing.

I just can't believe how if he forgets the controls for something he just blames the game instead of literally just checking the controls to remind himself.

I love how no matter what happens, dsp removes his blame. It's always lag or some unresponsive controls or some never happened to anyone else ever before 1/10000000 glitch. He's the type of person that dies in league and says "my flash didn't go off!"

I can't believe I watched this entire thing.

man, it's not even about him not knowing some things or what to do. it's about how he tries to explain it and divert blame. so sickening.

"Alright i'm getting somewhere" *Falls off a cliff right in front of him.

At 4:03 I couldn’t stop laughing !! He dead ass turned around while blocking and got back stabbed!

Having never played a Darksouls game before, much less played on many other consoles aside from Nintendo, I still feel like I would be able to pick up its controls easier that DSP can.

I beat jak and daxter when I was 14 and I never had any trouble. How the hell does this grown ass man have trouble doing the simplest things?

Hate to admit it, but the “Metal Gear Kojima: Sons of Kojima” had me rolling

I’m always baffled when I play a new game and how long things like tutorials are or how I’m your face they are and I always think “man is anyone really this thoughtless playing a game”… apparently yes

How did this guy even manage to have an actual audience back in the day? How?!

I can't believe he bitched about the medallions in RE4. You know, Phil, some people don't want to spend hours on a scavenger hunt. It's unbelievable because I know even he would complain about that if they didn't give him the locations. He seriously complains one way and then complains another. What's the best way to describe someone like that?

When something doesn't work the way he thinks it should, instead of trying something else he just declares it to be broken and gives up

54:36 is my personal favorite

If Phil started a patreon for people to donate to beat him, he'd be rich inside a week.

Best compilation to date, shoutout to all the individual TIHYDP videos and thier respective makers. The little montage of him only knowing what to do if "It's explained to him" or he wont know what to do was priceless. Then, after being explained.. "I can then 'master' the controls" YEA RIGHT! lmao

I've been watching DSP hate videos all day not knowing about this guy to begin with. A few of them mentioned how bad he was at games, and I never understood just how bad he was until now. Is it actually possible to be this bad? My girlfriend, who has pretty much never played a game in her life, and has started playing one of the hardest genres of games, platformers, is better. I watched her play through Shovel Knight's first tutorial level having never picked up a 3ds in twenty minutes and beat it. She has never played any other game before, and now looking at this guy who has played games before I would feel embarrassed watching him.

I always come back to this classic every now and then.

I'm not even a quarter of the way through this video and I think I'm having a stroke...

How the fuck does a man get perplexed by a *slide puzzle*?

I’m actually blown away at how long it took him to figure out how to use rations.

I would love to see a video of Phil's controller at all times when he plays.

I killed Oscar. I wanted to put him out of his misery so he wouldn't be tortured. But never did I EVER have THAT MINDSET!!!

one day we are all gonna wake up and phils gonna be like "you guys just got pranked, i actually know how to play games!"

Every time I watch a DSP video I feel better about my own lousy game playing.

Phil burnell is the type of guy who brings a knife to a fist fight,But he still loses.

'Beginner's trap'- not knowing what's going to happen is what makes a game or a movie or any other kind of entertainment exciting. 'How was I sposed to know 500 guys were gonna appear?!' You weren't, and that's the fun of it. Being surprised and having to deal with different situations on the fly is what makes for a good game and good gameplay. I hope that DSP goes under the game industry's radar, because if they decide to take him as an average instance of their audience the medium is fucked.

This guy is the living embodiment of Dante Hicks from Clerks. "I wasn't even suppose to come to work today!" He even looks and sounds like him too...

I'd like to see a game with a DSP difficulty level. It guides you step by step, auto equips any items, auto locks on and attacks enemies and prevents you from making any mistakes.

Phil reminds me of myself when I was eight years old. Except he's in his 30's.