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When I was a kid, I had a cat who used to "hide" behind the living room curtains. He'd stand perfectly still, unaware that his paws and tail were all clearly visible. For some reason, I was just reminded of that.

Dsp is the type of guy that would put out fire with gasoline.

"The gameplay isn't that complex" >proceeds to fail at every game mechanic

"Every time something goes wrong, you turn around and place the blame on something else." -"Colonel Campbell", 2009

I didn't even know Snake could die in Arsenal Gear.

"It doesn't autolock on his head. It should auto-lock on his head." This quote fascinates me. In what fucking game does a gun just automatically lock on to a target's head? Wouldn't that remove any semblance of a challenge?

"How do you use rations? How do you load?" the movie

I feel like the AI talking to Raiden at the end saying condescendingly: "You're so great, and you got here ALL BY YOURSELF!" is talking directly to Phil by sarcastically referencing him looking things up.

This video gave me Foxdie.

I think he is the guy in the movies who doesn't pay attention and ask person nearby "WHAT JUST HAPPENED CAN YOU EXPLAIN IT?"

"hes such an emo" he was literally a trained killer at the age of 10

The DSP Metal Gear Solid FAQ: 'I'm prone in front of a table how can the enemy can see me!? It makes no sense' - Because he's standing up, five feet away, and you're lying down next to a table in plain sight. 'This is stupid, I threw a grenade and it bounced.' - A grenade adheres to the laws of motion and gravity and will therefore bounce when thrown at point blank range at another object. 'This is so stupid, I don't know what to do! They do this in all MGS games, they don't explain how to beat the bosses and you have to work it out!' - This game was created before modern games go to the effort of pinning an instruction book on how to beat the game to your forehead with a nail gun. 'I was running towards an enemy behind a chain link fence and he saw me, this is so stupid. Then I tried to crawl along under neath a hand railing with a gap in it and he saw me. This game is bugged.' - Good god man. 'I was shooting someone with my back to the only entrance to a room and someone shot me from behind, this is ridiculous.' - Have you never left your house? How have you not died before now? 'There's no auto-lock on his head, this is ridiculous, it should auto-lock on his head. The First Person controls are so clunky'. - There's no auto-lock in real life either, deal with that. This is a stealth game not a FPS, done properly you'll only really use FP when already concealed, taking a target out at range, not sprinting around, doing cartwheels, trying to tear someone in half with gunfire. 'I didn't equip a chaff grenade and it was equipped. This game sucks.' - You did. You did equip a chaff grenade. 'I crawled into an open area, not using my first person view to scout ahead of me and ended up crawling into the feet of an enemy. There's nothing I could do, the game is fucking full of shit man, whatever.' - If this is what you'd do in real life in this situation, I pray you never procreate. 'I ran along a bridge, paying no attention to my surroundings and then got spotted and shot at. This is bullshit. Absolute nonsense.' - Have you forgotten you're infiltrating a heavily guarded area? Would you sprint into an army base swinging your dick around, doing cartwheels and expect not to get shot? Fuck me, there are single cell organisms with better problem solving skills. 'I forgot how to use the First Person Controls to shoot people and keep missing, this game sucks.' - No words. 'One of the main characters in the game literally stopped me playing the game to call me to tell me I couldn't wear an enemy uniform with an AK outside of an area I'm not in. I then wore it and it didn't work. Why?!' - So this character stopped you from being distracted by the game to tell you some important information, which you then ignored, immediately did what you were told not to do, and it didn't work? Must be a game bug. 'I died, and lost a rifle I had collected. I then spent longer trying to reload the game, complaining in the process, than I would have done retrieving the gun normally. This sucks.' - Oh that sucks, sorry to hear you're total dogshit at the game and your precious time was wasted. 'I killed and dragged an enemy into a room, left him sprawled out on the floor right opposite the doorway, then hid behind a box. I was spotted and killed. This is ridiculous and NOT my fault.' - You're lucky you made it this far. Pat yourself on the back and never play a video game again. 'I struggled to kill the Metal Gears during the boss fight because I didn't think to try different strategies. Even when the game puts two massive target-able areas on the Ray's knees, I still aim for the head and complain I'm getting nowhere. How was I supposed to know when I only shoot 1/3 of the target-able areas that I was doing something wrong? The game is shit.' - Monkeys can work through trial and error. Otters too. JELLYFISH CAN FOR FUCK SAKE.

This dude has more alerts in one play-through than I've accumulated in my whole Metal Gear playing career.. Since 98 - Present.

The saddest part is he thinks he's funny.

Dude, this is ten years old and is still peak comedy gold. It's crazy how fast time flies. I will forever cherish these memories.

The best part is not only is it all in the instruction manual, but Otacon gives a long winded explanation of the controls in the game right at the start

17:53 "How could he see me when I was prone?" Phil, if someone was crawling on the ground 3 feet in front of YOU in fine lighting, don't you think you'd see them and call them a fucking idiot?

15:53 Turns to face enemy. Takes out his can of coolant. Priceless.

"How can he see me when I'm prone?" My thinking as someone who has never played any of the MGS games: Going prone is probably for moving in a less noisy way, to hide behind sufficiently tall objects, to fire more accurately with larger weapons and to get through tight spaces like vents. DSP's thinking seems to be: Going prone is a stealth thing, so when I'm prone I should be invisible.

Ah yes... The video which started it all. February 15th, 2013: The day DSP was exposed to the internet for bein the hack that he is.

Jesus, he doesn't understand that "Tactical Espionage" is more important that "Action".

Anybody know the Phrase "Don't hate the player, hate the game"? You'll forget about it now because of this abomination of a playthrough

29:56 Fatman calling Phil slow as he dawdles around the bomb is the pinnacle of comedic timing

This is the kind of guy, who goes and reviews 1 star because "it sucks".

That Olga boss fight made me want to fly to Phil's home and bitch slap him. How can someone be that bad? I wasn't even that bad the first time I played this game as a fucking kid.

Can he use the restroom on his own? "It doesn't tell me how to use toilet paper!"

Every game over: Colonel: Raiden, what's wrong? Raiden? Raiden?! Raiden: I'm controlled by an imbecile!

This guy is the most egregious MGS player I've ever fucking seen. Fighting terrorism with a fire extinguisher had me fucking rolling

Wow, I never knew that if you died in first person it did the shattered lens thing. Thanks for teaching me about that, DSP.

the definition of insanity:Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results

Legendary hero Snake tells Phil, "Don't fall behind." What does Phil do? Runs as far behind as he possibly can.

i think Kojima should've added a new difficulty for this guy, European easy

Sucking at the game is bad blaming the game is stupid blaming the controls is retarded blaming Kojima is simple-minded shitting on the beautiful ending song that DOES fit the game...this requires capital punishment.

"Snake runs out into the open and gets owned like a fucking idiot." And what have YOU been doing this whole playthrough?

26:50 "I haven't activated the radar, but yet, I can't see any enemies on the radar. Shit game."

Calls Raiden an emo. Cries and whines whenever possible. #DSP Logic

seeing phil insult this game is like watching an abusive parent insult their talented kid.

DSP must think "Tactical Espionage Action" means "Generic Third Person Shooter"

26:00 "RAAAAIDEN!!!" Even Campbell is sick of you dying.

My god DSP's laugh makes me want to end my suffering.

Phil's logic is, if there is 4 guards shooting at me with machine guns, certainly a tranquilizer gun will take them down instantly!

When ever I feel like I am doing terrible in a game I just watch some DSP and I feel better about myself.

Why doesn't he play on easy?

When we hear in the news about another famous seppuku in Japan, we will immediately know that Hideo Kojima has just watched this gameplay.

I wonder how this guy made it here in life. How did he manage to rent an appartment, make food, purchase things, get a job? How can he even upload something to KZfaq? By the way, don't you just love how his solution to every error he makes is to let himself get killed and start over? *sigh*

Well to be fair I died a lot of times too on my first playthrough of MGS2... But mostly on purpose because everytime I was sighted I just felt like I didn't play properly and retried to make sure I'm not seen at all. Yeah I died a fuckload of time...

Phil would make a great game journalist

Long cutscenes are literally the first thing people associate with Kojima. If you don't have the patience to sit through them, then you shouldn't even be playing his games in the first place. That's like someone with a severe dairy allergy walking into an ice cream store.

so you bump into a soldier in your clothes come off. It's supposed to simulate the idea of the soldier being able to tell you're a fraud when you're close enough for him to tell.

"What? How am I getting hit???" He's kicking you, Phil.

Wowwwww, this makes me feel way better about my gaming abilities.

Didn't know Metal Gear Solid was a beat-em up series.

Let's break this stupidity down to arcs Arc 1- How do i use the rations!?! how dumb! Arc 2- i didn't equip the cool-ANT!? this sucks! Arc 3- why can everyone see me when i'm out in the open and/or running in front of enemies?!? this is so dumb! Arc 4- I can't diasarm dis bahmbs!?! this is bad! Arc 5- why can't my fists stop alarms?!? this is stupid! Arc 6 - why can't i quit!? this is balls! Arc 7- but i don't have the M9 that's clearly in my inventory! this is so stupid! Arc 8- why does she keep geting blown up?! hang on let me ignore this codec of snake explaining there are bombs on the bridge while i cry about how stupid this game is! Arc 9- i got a sword that deflects bullets, dur hur hur, now to run head first into a gun fight with my tranquilizer while snake does all the work! this is so dumb! Arc 10 - why are there targets on the ray's legs?! eh, i'll just shoot there heads only, only took 10 minutes to kill 2 rays! this is so balls! Arc 11- credits! time to be a HUGE hypocrite & backpeddle!

6:50 *assault team comes around corner* Snake: FREEZE! lol'd

"do i use rations in codec mode" lulz

He's intentionally not pressing the L2 just so he can keep blaming the game.

SOPA and PIPA. Ah I remember that. Seems ages ago when they were a big thing.

Urrgh.. so annoying.. of course Kojima gets credit. Credit where credit is due! I haven't even played those games because I know I stink mightily at stealth based games but I can still appreciate the writing and emotional moments and challenge the series seems to offer.

"How is my M9 Bullet full? I don't have a M9." _Literally is HOVERING OVER THE M9 OPTION on the Weapon Menu_

came back to watch again for the 4 year anniversary

THIS GUY AND HIS FUCKING DEEP AND INSIGHTFUL ANALYSIS WHILE THE CREDITS ROLL. EVERY GOD DAMN WORD OF IT. HOW CAN YOU BE SO FULL OF SHIT. HOW. It's unbelievable how a stranger on the internet playing videogames would get me so riled up. It's a phenomenon.

He obviously didn't know playing Metal Gear required a brain

22:21 "phil... Phil never changes" I was fucking rolling that comment was gold.

One of the best games of all time reduced to... this. Ugh. I used to think nothing was worse than playing an awesome game poorly... but now I see the light. Blaming an awesome game for your own stupid mistakes. THAT is worse.

DSP Logic: A Soldier is coming lets lay on the ground and hope he doesn't see me.

Imagine if DSP attempted the VR missions for this game...lol

my fav part is when he runs face first into a guard, throws a grenade at him and starts punching. Then he complains that the alert started.

I remember being 11 years old when this game first came out and on my first play through I wasn't this bad lmao!

DSP makes me cringe....."can I use the rations in codec mode??" Jesus...being a huge MGS fan and watching his playthroughs makes me facepalm so much.

He's the problem with games. "It doesn't explain how to do it how do you do ittttt waaaaah"

But man. I remember playing MGS2 when I was 11, and despite dying a few times because of my tiny babby hands I managed to get pretty far in the game until my uncle found out i was playing one of the "forbidden games" (the other one was silent hill, which traumatized me so badly as a child that i chucked it out of the window - literally. I was grounded for that, rightfully so.)

Nice to come back to a classic fail. "It should auto-lock on his head, and it doesn't." How are you gonna tell us what a PS2 game should and shouldn't be doing? This is Phil's mentality in a nutshell. He doesn't have to adapt to the game's mechanics; the game's mechanics have to adapt to him. His lack of common sense is on full display. "I'm bleeding all over the floor, but I'm disguised so why doesn't it count?" Game: "Use your goggles to see claymores on the bridge." *explosion* "Huh? What's going on? Is there some type of explosive on the bridge? I don't get it, I'm so confused."

I love how he thinks the game should auto-lock to an enemies head lol. I can't think of one game that auto-locks to an enemies head specifically.

He evilaj2010 You may want to download all your work. DSP is starting to flag the this is how you don't play videos.

As soon as Phil saw you could cartwheel, his eyes lit up, his mind adrift with all the first person shooters that allowed you to make ridiculous movements with ease, and assumed the game was a movement shooter.

Repeated stupid mistakes by DSP include: 1) Forgetting the controller has left shoulder buttons. 2) Trying to punch the guards over and over again. 3) Hardly ever using First Person View. 4) Not running away from the guards and hiding in Alert phases 5) Moving around prone in plain sight 3 feet from guards 6) Not paying attention to the Soliton Radar. 7) Standing in the middle of rooms when the guards come for a Clearing. One of the rooms in Strut F he kept dying in over and over again to the Clearing had a vent to the right to hide in. 8) Pure Impatience 9) Running around like an idiot never planning his movements. 10) Doing the same thing over and over again Things that he did better on: 1) On a few occasions he managed to discreetly snap some guards necks. 2) He seemed to figure out you could pick up the Claymores by crawling over them 3) And I can’t think of anything else lol

The TIHYDP that started it all.

Holy god... the first thing DSP tries to do when he gets caught as Raiden is to constantly keep cartwheeling into a group of guys with riotshields... Guy is the smartest player ever........................................NOT.

"I didn't equip the coooolant..."

MG "How do I use rations"? MG2 "How do I use rations"? MGS "How do I use rations"? MGS2 "How do I use rations"? MGS3 "How do I use rations"? On and on

***** So I know what sort of game we need for you now. Three buttons do everything, one to move in whatever direction the next objective is automatically (Crouching and jumping are automatic) one to shoot (Don't worry about aiming, it headshots everyone automatically) and a third button to screw the brains out of every hot chick in the game, to satisfy your bro-drooling. Finally, the game will tell you over and over again, just so you know, that you have whatever weapon is best suited to the situation at hand. In addition, the tips will be delivered onscreen in big red letters. Also the game will provide you with free Mountain Dew and Cheetos to aid your belching. Oh and the entire soundtrack is dubstep and there are no cutscenes.

143,000 people are subscribed to this man. One hundred and forty three thousand people are eager to watch this man record video games with his camcorder, snort constantly, laugh at himself saying the word "balls", and scream at games he's awful at. Just think about that for a bit

"This is METAL GEAR SOLID not METAL GEAR Rambo" I love that comment.

i love how he thinks that if hes prone he thinks he is invisble

How nice it is when a vid ridiculing DSP has more views than he has subscribers... Some moderate faith in humanity restored!

30:02

Honestly I’ll admit the controls are pretty tricky in the older MGS games, but actually ABSORBING AND LEARNING THEM and getting good is the most satisfying part of the gameplay, and clearly he couldn’t do it LMAO

This aged like fine wine

Its like watching an elephant with a firetruck anally raping it trying to sneak through the front door of the White House with an AK-47.

I think there was a known issue in the HD remake as well where Snaked died a lot more than he was supposed to in the Arsenal Gear fight. I remember it practically never happening on PS2 but it happened multiple times to me on the PS3 version.

Happy 10th Birthday.

Every time I skip to a random time Phill is in alert mode LOL

It's like watching a simple child playing with the controls of an aircraft: A lot of effort, little movement, 100% entertainment for the bystanders watching him flail about in effort to make it work.

what are you talking about? i play mgs2 like this all the time! my favourite part is where you do the sniping mission with captain price

DSP translation: Weird controls: "there are too many buttons and options and my barely developed brain can't handle it"

They could make a Journalist difficulty in the game and he would STILL fail

I will be honest guys, this really is guilty pleasure to watch. Don't get me wrong, he plays like absolute shit, and is literally the definition of scrub but if I'm stressed or need some laughs out of me, I watch these vids to get a kick out of it...can't see why anyone else would watch these vids

This an absolute disgrace to my favorite game of all time. I've played through this game at least 10 times and he's died more in 57 minutes than I have combined.

*Metal Gear Solid: Tactical Espionage* DSP: "Espionage? I don't know the meaning of the word."