Who Should Initiate Sex?

Рет қаралды 6,077

Жыл бұрын

I get a lot of people complaining about always being the one who initiates sex and what it means. There are two main reasons that the initiation stops.
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Пікірлер: 42

@alienmoonmom1361 7 ай бұрын

The concept “ rejection/disconnection” was clear and well explained. The bonus was the life examples. Thank you

@genesewatson648 3 ай бұрын

I love how you put that “if she’s not feeling you or feel connected she won’t initiate.” I definitely felt that way with my partners i either felt like we were not connected or I’m doing everything in the relationship why should i be initiating sex too

@phormzlab1743 5 ай бұрын

Thanks for this refreshingly mature video. Makes a great change amongst all the “it’s time to leave them” videos. Much appreciated cheers

@mysticmama_3692 3 ай бұрын

Lol...i feel like the only wife in this comment section. Ive been the initiate 90% of the time throughout our entire marriage...even during the newlywed phase. Itd be nice to feel wanted that way more. To be clear...ive never rejected my husband when he has initiated. He just also has a problem with HOW he initiates. Hes very awkward and just kinda gropes a little until i get the hint. It makes me wonder if hes been rejected in a prior relationship and is still afraid to go all in so he just sort of fumbles the ball when he tries. This has been a larger issue in our marriage than ive let him know. Its left me feeling ashamed of my sexuality (makes me feel like im the only one who wants sex), rejected, undesirable, unwanted, and just generally unloved. So strange how something like this can have such a big impact on an intimate relationship.

@trok90k 2 ай бұрын

You are rare mama. From my experience, she stopped initiating a little after marriage. I've done all initiating for over a decade. That means I've received all of the rejection also. It gets old and you get tired of initiating and you get tired of the rejection so you just stop asking. It really messes with your confidence as man.

@kimberley5980 Жыл бұрын

This was very helpful!! You were spot on, once again!! You’ve articulated my thoughts in a healthy and practical way. When you’re dealing with this issue it’s hard to understand, because we (I) take it personal and never have the conversation. Another Great video 🥰

@donnachavous6840 7 ай бұрын

I agree with what you said about women needing to feel connected and then the outcome is sex. Many men don’t get that. The idea of lighting the candle is great! Thanks for sharing this valuable information!

@rollingshadespaintingllc5761 7 ай бұрын

This was helpful! I think in my marriage I’m constantly initiating and I start to think I’m wanting it too much…and she’s not as interested… I even tell her my fantasies is to be somewhat dominated or just not in control of it all the time. It’s definitely a topic to talk about. Thanks!!

@bsays1149 8 ай бұрын

I'm for sure going to try and watch this with my lady and will get back to you with A result. 🙏🏾

@butlerka2606 3 ай бұрын

Great video!! Rejection and disconnection!!! 🔥🔥

@brandonhunt3250 3 ай бұрын

This was really insightful.

@ElimEx1 7 ай бұрын

When you're the only one initiating for a decade and you stop and it takes 5 years to get a mention, you get the message loud and clear. Any advice? I stopped initiating over 5 years ago and she never did anything about it. She has no idea why I stopped and if she was interested in finding out, she'd ask...

@CBrantleylmft 3 ай бұрын

I understand what you are saying, but you have to remember that what YOU think is obvious may not be obvious to her. For example, "if she was interested in finding out, she'd ask." Not necessarily. I would say have a conversation and tell her how you feel and what it means to you.

@commenter5469 22 күн бұрын

It is simple: she is not interesting in sex, because she got what she wanted out of you, and your idea of expressing love ( by taking care of her and family) - totally different from “romantic” malarkey she has in her mind and fantasies. You are not attractive to her anymore, you’re there only for financial reasons and to “checking out” the “family” box. The sex you had ( or having), when you initiate - it’s just a dreaded chore ( especially if she is Christian, and have been taught that’s what she must do). The worst thing about all of this - you can’t do nothing about it. I would advise against starting any conversations about that, if you want to maintain the shamble of the union that you already have. Just my two cents. I know it is not what all these “teachers” telling you. Theres nothing rational about this topic. If you hell bent on “having a talk” - things might change, but you will always wonder whether she is doing it because she thinks that is what she “must” do. I decided that after 23 years I don’t want any “musts”, I’m here only until children grow up, and for my kids not to notice anything being wrong. After kids all grown up and gone - that’ll be whole lot of hobbies, travels and “man cave” time!

@tokemayaki805 6 ай бұрын

Great video

@jordancarter2994 Жыл бұрын

Love this so much 🙌🏽

@power2surge1 5 ай бұрын

Good stuff 👍

@mariaager1924 7 ай бұрын

I don’t reject or disconnect and I still have to initiate

@blknwild9047 6 ай бұрын

My issue is my wife Weaponizing my sexual desire. We both have to strive to support each other, If we have disconnected then let's speak on it. I'm tired of having to read minds

@CBrantleylmft 6 ай бұрын

Reading minds is definitely for the birds.

@sugerlipsxjamiewright4170 7 ай бұрын

A Lady doesn't Need to Ask to get attention . Enough said. I believe that you don't need to take on The masculine role to achieve validation .it is given with respect just because you carry yourself properly and in doing so you best repsent your partner . And that is why they choose to be around you and or with you at the end of the day.

@mrpawka 7 ай бұрын

So, are you saying a Lady's way of initiation is just being made available at the man's behest? Are women actually taught this as young ladies?

@azariadevinehouseoftruthllc 29 күн бұрын

What's the point of initiating if there's a schedule I know what day and time to drop the drawers

@CBrantleylmft 28 күн бұрын

That is a good point. The "problem" with initiation is the meaning people attach to it. So even if it is scheduled, the one who believes that initiation means more than simply 'making the first move' won't be content.

@mariaager1924 7 ай бұрын

I ask and he won’t tell me. He said it’s not me. But he won’t give me an answer and no, he’s not gay 🙄

@Wahamn_are_EVIL Ай бұрын

Being single is superior lifestyle

@njeriwakimani_thebrand 4 ай бұрын

Hello Cliffton, Love your wisdom and Is there a way you can be reached through an email please? I would love to have a collaborative conversation about sexual Wellness . I would explain more on the email if you're more open to that. Thanks.

@vonpayton2041 2 ай бұрын

There is also the issue of control and manipulation at play. “I will participate in sex, but you must come to me for it. I want it, but I will not initiate it.”Therefore, the other person’s sexual drive/appetite is being used against them to feed the non-initiator’s need for control or sense of power. So they manipulate you into participating according to their dictate.

@carlosvalladares7698 Жыл бұрын

😢

@mikem6176 3 ай бұрын

She was not feeling it. Physical changes from a newborn plus a school age kid. House. Work. The minutia of life. “No” is the easiest word to say in the English language, and it means so much more than just ‘not now.’ It stings. So, he backs off. Waits. She’ll come around, eventually. But she doesn’t. And she won’t. Complacency sets in. Patterns of behavior form. Passion dies. He gave up asking a long time ago. It’s not that he doesn’t want her. It’s not that she doesn’t love him. He remembers how good it was, and he yearns, but he also remembers the pain. And he no longer knows how. And she’s long since forgotten why. But, sometimes. Occasions. Not often, but just often enough to keep hope alive. He thinks she’s come back to him. So he tries. And fails. The pain is the same. The humiliation. The self doubt. You suggest he awaits her lighting a candle? Some tacit message that tonight she’ll be receptive? He can’t. He doesn’t believe in fairytales anymore.

@johnkarcis5142 3 ай бұрын

It's not a maturity thing well it is you need to be mature enough to see that itay very well be she doesn't want you like she used to

@Wahamn_are_EVIL Ай бұрын

NO ONE

@Wahamn_are_EVIL Ай бұрын

MGTOW monk mode 💪

@cur244 3 ай бұрын

Dealt with rejection for years and at some point just completely stopped. I'll never let that happen again. Some rejection is fine, but when it's constantly for years it's over.