It takes months for an ex to come back because they are busy entertaining “greener grass”, they’ll come back to you when they can’t find a replacement
@shkrsimpson44 Жыл бұрын
And that is when I turn them down, because I'm no one's option.
@julietoarapan5784 Жыл бұрын
Fr
@ashleykay3023 Жыл бұрын
That's when i say goodbye. If I want the first choice then the hell with you.
@tanguerogo9 ай бұрын
Sorry you made that frustrating experience, but it doesnt mean this is standard or general procedure.
@iceriddim8 ай бұрын
@@tanguerogoYes it is
@riseandshine61932 жыл бұрын
I believe it will take a while for the dumper to learn and appreciate what they had. The longer the better. That's when the tables truly turn and they may have a true change of heart.
@BledaRassmar14 күн бұрын
Learn and appreciate what they had? Maybe, but equally or more likely they are opportunists returning to their favorite Soup Kitchen to get a heaping helping of free emotional nourishment in exchange for no work.
@MegaRockstar48Ай бұрын
You have to remember a narcissist is basically a child in an adults body. So they act like being told off by their parents when they were a child. They leave and don’t want to return until they feel their parents have cooled off and/or given time to forgive the child. Or even an amount of time had passed where the parent may have forgotten what the child had done in the first place. Fast forward to the adult narcissist and they are basically doing the same with an ex partner, they return when they hope enough time has passed by and you as the victim has either forgiven them or forgotten what the argument was actually over
@ox-po36310 күн бұрын
Good point! Thank you 🙏
@batmikipig2 жыл бұрын
They come back if the new "toy" isn't as good as the old one. Ofc they can skip for a newer one... after some they may realize that "that" person wasn't that bad after all
@BledaRassmar14 күн бұрын
Exactly. Emotionally opportunistic bums cycling through their favorite “charities” to get their basic needs met in exchange for holding their hands out but doing absolutely no self-work.
@zepherreload6 ай бұрын
If they let you go and move on, then regret it and want you back, tell them no too late
@IvanaGirl Жыл бұрын
That’s exactly what other coaches said… an average of FIVE months. It’s crazy. Good luck everybody
@projectf0252 жыл бұрын
A little after 3 months were talking again and as of last week we started having sex, and she says she misses us but not the old relationship, I also agreed with her that's why we have to start over with a clean slate not bringing anything into the new relationship. I've been going to counseling for the last 3 months and she definitely sees the difference of my progress, so I hope we will work out and be together again
@destinykadir79582 жыл бұрын
He was the one who helped me in restoring back my ex 3 days ago without delay
@destinykadir79582 жыл бұрын
He will definitely help you he have solutions to all problems,
@destinykadir79582 жыл бұрын
8070
@destinykadir79582 жыл бұрын
7689
@destinykadir79582 жыл бұрын
92
@paige8361 Жыл бұрын
Dismissive Avoidants will make even the most secure person (me) feel anxiously attached and insecure. It is wild. Don't ever let them and get a grip on it.
@user-un6hq1hc8o4 ай бұрын
Happened to me. Fearful avoidant wife. Made me anxious as hell. I feel violated, deceived, trampled on.
@sofi41482 жыл бұрын
He's avoidant I'm secure. I can't handle his wishy-washy ways. I ended things in December and heard from him in May. I've moved on and not available. I told him and he went silent 😶. I wish it was him but he's got issues and never let me in in 4 yrs. I have to move on. But I'm happy with my new person. 🙏
@technoutopia46872 жыл бұрын
Good job Sofi. I wish I did the same thing but I have the Anxious attachment style.
@inspiredx38662 жыл бұрын
Similar in my situation. What helps me is reading these comments and knowing there are people out there going through the same thing. Its a real thing. And yes they have certain issues. Sucks either way
@mayur13972 жыл бұрын
Good for you Sofi. Good riddance.
@andruliciu202 жыл бұрын
You are one of the rarest and luckiest persons, I could say, having the secure attachment style. I have an anxious attach and I m rly trying to get over my ex. My ex who is an avoidant and also a narcissist… that is from his actions.
@tilak2312 жыл бұрын
That’s great! You are correct that if the issue is with them, they should work by themselves, we can’t change their inner world if they do not open the door:! Thank You for sharing your story!!
@paulwatson55312 жыл бұрын
I'm gonna keep it simple Let them go and hold onto yourself! Avoidants aren't worth the energy effort hurt etc. Let them go and hold onto yourself!
@dvsmith373410 ай бұрын
💯
@andrychan Жыл бұрын
Why would anyone want an avoidant type ex back? Why subject oneself to the same torture and never receive what they need? Just move on people, find yourself a lovely secure person who will be healthier for you. Leave the avoidant with himself
@jennifertaylor9864 Жыл бұрын
I love the time span of this video. 11:11
@Cluedup2399 Жыл бұрын
Avoidant partners are the worst its like banging your head against a brick wall on a daily basis being with them, they constantly send mixed signals there coldness and heartlessness is like no other they are sub human facts avoid these people at all costs for your own sanity. But the sad thing is by the time you figure it out its too late.
@teeteegmail1298 Жыл бұрын
Not true. I’m an avoidant and I’m becoming a secure. Losing a good relationship can be a good thing for us because we can seek help and love our partners better the next time. You are just hurt.
@Cluedup2399 Жыл бұрын
@@teeteegmail1298 so where you not all those things in your past relationship?
@bhwillis1048 Жыл бұрын
An avoidant is for fun and playtime. Never take them seriously.
@Cluedup2399 Жыл бұрын
@@bhwillis1048 ha I learned the hard way never again 👍
@jonatz793 Жыл бұрын
your right man you nailed it!. I've been there before. it's too late you figure out what true color she is.
@hakigoat10792 жыл бұрын
This is pretty much the situation I’m in. I always had to bring up the tough conversation because she didn’t know how to speak her mind and when she started crossing boundaries instead of trying to work things out she said it’s better for her to be single right now. We also lived and had a lease together so 2 months post break up, being an Anxious type I’ve had nights crying, pleading where the relationship went wrong, being angry and argumentative which seemed to only push her further away and reassure her she made the right choice. I wish I was as level headed then than I am now. I’m not giving her the space and I want falter by contacting her but I just hope it’s not too far gone. She asked how I was doing 3 weeks ago and I kept it very minimal and respectful, haven’t heard from her since.
@bhwillis1048 Жыл бұрын
Never, ever cry in front of her. Unless your mom or dad died. Go for a walk instead.
@BledaRassmar14 күн бұрын
When someone chooses to make themselves irrelevant to your life, you have to remember that their significance TO you always came FROM you. You were ALWAYS the operant power in who gets a place in your heart and mind. The last Ship To Happiness did NOT (I repeat, NOT) sail away without you on it. The One Love that permeates everything and that is meant for you is Protean and is ever changing faces. Don’t get attached to the face / actor. Their is only One Love and the good meant for you will never pass you by.
@Learn_With_Nataly5 күн бұрын
I wanna share my story: I’m 20f , my ex 24m. A couple of months ago we started having problems with the lights, Internet, job, financial issues. Since we lived in Ukraine and there’s a war. We lost our job, electricity, safety. And i started to pick up fights with him, started acting narcissistic and would complain and get offended. I also had some problems with my health at that time. So, he would support me, sometimes also criticise me and get offended. We decided we should move out the country. It was really difficult. I started to feel and behave suicidal and accused my ex. On the 22th of July he decided to break up, but he regretted it right after the next day, would call me all the time, write everywhere even in the gmail, would send me deliveries with gifts, flowers and meals with the notes to forget him. I forgave him. Then a week later i moved in another country with him. We were living in Germany with his aunt. We had an argument at night on the 3d of August and the aunt didn’t like it. The next day another fight because of the break up before. I said that i felt suicidal and he took it as a threat. Told the aunt about it and she kicked me out of her house at night. I begged to stay at least for the night. My ex just stood silent and took my stuff. He accompanied me to the camp for refugees, we were mostly silent. I asked him “are you breaking up with me? “ he said “yes” It didn’t feel real. On one of the bus stops i couldn’t go after him. And he went on with my stuff alone without waiting for me or going with me. He sent me a message with the address, said to get there myself, my stuff is there and blocked me. He never reached out since. I still left some of the things at his house some books, wires, clothes. I contacted his mom for him to give me back that stuff. He refused, his mom said that i can buy new wires and books. I tried to contact him the next day, he blocked me everywhere. No contact since today is 18th of August. His family thinks I’m crazy and that i threatened to kill myself, so that think that it was a right decision to kick me out of the house at night in a foreign country. The most unbelievable part is that we had a great relationship, he was a nice and great guy. Even when we had arguments, we still loved each other, went on dates, hugged and so on. I’m so broken, like everything was good, but my depression, suicidal tendencies and arguments led to this. Right now i feel anger. I felt really miserable first, but right now only anger that he let his aunt to kick me out at night, that he didn’t accompany me till the end that he didn’t even check on me if i got to the camp. That we had a good relationship that turned out so nasty at the end.
@SergMilli Жыл бұрын
By far the best break up videos I've seen so far.
@droflivelife9 ай бұрын
I'm 5 months into no contact. I can now see why one is two months is not enough. Did that before and we broke up again a couple of months later. I'm now a different person and don't depend on her even though I miss her I'm not desperate. Had only a couple of emails since but nothing that lead to anything. What ever happens, I'm not going to make it easy if I let her back into my life at all. Statistically what I read is that they never work on themselves and you will just break up again . Sad but reality.
@BledaRassmar14 күн бұрын
Any updates?
@droflivelife14 күн бұрын
@BledaRassmar hi there, been over a year now. Nothing from her. I think she will stay away purely knowing she does not want to hurt me again and knowing we can't just be friends.
@BledaRassmar13 күн бұрын
@@droflivelife I wish you all the best-peace, healing, prosperity. Thank you for the reply. Take care and stay safe.
@toydzurko Жыл бұрын
Wait so yall came here to find out how to get a crazy person back? Im trying to figure out how to stop attracting these psychos! I have an ex thats been stalking me since 2006! Trust me, you dont want this person back! You want who you thought they were to come back!
@tiffanypr.94482 жыл бұрын
what about after 8 months? I don't understand why I can't move on but it seems most people can after 8 months...
@Girlwithapurse03 Жыл бұрын
Same here you’re not the only one
@jesusrodriguez3044 Жыл бұрын
Me too I've been living apart from the mother of my kidsfor 2 years separated for 1 can't move on
@BledaRassmar14 күн бұрын
Because you think that the last Ship to Happiness sailed away without you one it and you don’t realize that there is only One Love but it wears many faces throughout a lifetime.
@EmilyGloeggler7984 Жыл бұрын
I never went back and eleven years later, I have moved on and met another man and married him.
@lions51036 ай бұрын
My ex and I broke up. He got a new gf within 3 weeks. I did no contact straight away. Sent one long email in that time. He came back 2 months later. He said he would change things and did some but not all. Was incredible for a year then I found a message on his phone. Wouldnt explain it and he broke up with me stating ridiculous non important reasons. I didn’t do no contact as he said was taking a break and wanting to stay in contact. It wasn’t proper contact though and made me feel and do insecure things. He has no emotional interest in me any more. Chasing every other woman alive but me. 5 months later I’ve started a strict no contact. Maybe too late but only chance to make him feel something and maybe change
@BledaRassmar14 күн бұрын
I hate to be “that person” that says this…but I think you are better without this id i ot.
@riseandshine6193 Жыл бұрын
Accurate! It too 8 months in my situation
@mzunderstood9585 Жыл бұрын
Well, mine moved out of state when he broke up with me....it's been 7 months...while he still reaches out to me through text, even buying me flowers and sending me money, I dont think he will ever leave his family or his state and return to me. I'm coming to terms with him never coming back.
@BledaRassmar14 күн бұрын
Update?
@mzunderstood958514 күн бұрын
@@BledaRassmar update is less than a year after he took off and went back he met somebody else and got married. He's happy where he is and I have met the love of my life. A friend that I had known for 10+ years has turned out to be the best man I've ever met. Had my ex not have left I would have missed out on this wonderful human being. I realize now that my ex was an awful person and I deserved way better and I found it.
@mzunderstood958514 күн бұрын
@@BledaRassmar I truly believe good or bad everything happens for a reason. We get so lost in the fogginess of our heartbreak, we can't see clearly. Breakups are meant to happen.
@BledaRassmar13 күн бұрын
@@mzunderstood9585 CONGRATULATIONS!!!!! I am so glad that things worked out better than you could have hoped! Peace :) Thank you for the reply!
@greenthumbnail18312 жыл бұрын
This has been eye opening. Thank you.
@tonym.s.8686 Жыл бұрын
Wow, you are so practical!
@MichelleOppenheimer2 жыл бұрын
I love these videos and they have been so helpful. I am curious about one thing . When you mention in your video "Competitor" why are they your competitors ? How about they are humans with different advice? We are all in this together ....so for me, I listen to people who I resonate with. My Mom was MFCC and she gave me the best advice in regards to finding a therapist . she advised I choose a therapists where I feel safe... heard... understood and one with whom I resonate with. So, the word competitor is a curious choice of words . Thoughts ?
@akosfellner50614 ай бұрын
The most important question is: What was the reason of the breakup? This makes the odds and time frame. 1. Abusive relationship? Not back ever pls. 2. Breakup in a heavy argument? 3. Serious trust issues or commitment problems? 4. Empty relationship?
@Bigbandi10 ай бұрын
When they are gone, they are gone. The choose to leave. Do not wait for anyone to come back, it is silly. They overwhelmingly do not anyway.
@BledaRassmar14 күн бұрын
Nah, they always come back after you’ve started being grateful they are gone and started being joyful again.
@Kavilion5 күн бұрын
@@BledaRassmarthey always come back if you were good to them. They go to a toxic relationship and it makes them realize how great they had it. But it takes months
@Mooncat222 Жыл бұрын
I think avoidants also are wanting commitment But have been previous hurt so too scared to get close and commit ,
@GiorgosYfaАй бұрын
The sad part of that they don't always come back...
@dnpaker842 жыл бұрын
Been FWB for 2 years and she doesn’t want to come back.. So I trying to let go and give up.. I been hurting myself for to long.
@eddycolumbusohio60632 жыл бұрын
He came back 2 months after dumping me and lasted over a months with his rebound he came back made me trust in him again and dumped me again for no reason I am finally moving to a different state because he hurted me so much. 💔
@destinykadir79582 жыл бұрын
He was the one who helped me in restoring back my ex 3 days ago without delay
@destinykadir79582 жыл бұрын
He will definitely help you he have solutions to all problems,
@beccf.s.8012 Жыл бұрын
I am sorry to know this. Are you feeling any better?
@BledaRassmar14 күн бұрын
You are sloppy seconds to NO ONE, especially this id i ot. Remember who you are and keep holding your head high. Anyone’s significance TO you comes FROM you. YOU are always the operant power. Never forget it.
@user-sr4kr9db6w Жыл бұрын
i was emotionally draining him, it was too late for me to fix myself and our relationship. will he come back
@BledaRassmar14 күн бұрын
Maybe he WAS the emotionally draining one. After the grief goes, you may find yourself alot less depressed & less co-dependent…and alot stronger and more interesting than anyone ever gave you credit for. Anchors away!
@riseandshine61932 жыл бұрын
This video is 11:11 long. 😁
@rebeccajohnson56582 жыл бұрын
I am anxious and secure now. My one ex Nick is an advoidant. Nick was the one who asked me for space and time. Gave him plenty of space and time. Several times he tried to rekindle our love for a relationship felt used for sex by him. He has been trying to come back to me after failed attempts of rebound relationships. During our past relationship we cheated on each other. I regret it and ask forgiveness. Thought he accept the apology and forgiveness by me but never fully moved on by it. How will I know if he is coming back to stay?
@destinykadir79582 жыл бұрын
He was the one who helped me in restoring back my ex 3 days ago without delay
@destinykadir79582 жыл бұрын
He will definitely help you he have solutions to all problems,
@destinykadir79582 жыл бұрын
+123
@destinykadir79582 жыл бұрын
8070
@destinykadir79582 жыл бұрын
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@damianooi8261Ай бұрын
Months? For my case is after 4 years of no contact with diff phone number
@amandam2238Ай бұрын
What if it was the crazy mother in law who sabotaged the relationship? Can you please do a video on this? Exes who haven't individuated!
@trincess41816 күн бұрын
Same here 😢 I feel like there is no way out.
@BledaRassmar14 күн бұрын
You will never win, especially if “mommy” still treats him as “her little boy”. This is why I am only interested with people who don’t have weird, inappropriately close dependency on family. If this is the case, you will always be “the other woman” in a chronic, gag-inducing love triangle. Don’t go for addicts either.
@amandam223814 күн бұрын
@BledaRassmar thank you for your comment. Yes, not only treats him as a little boy when he is 52 years old, but also convinced him about 10 years ago to transfer all of his assets into a trust that she manages, so he gave up his financial independence & she can control him by not transferring him any money to his transaction account. We went out for dinner with our mutual friends once in 12 months and I paid for myself, and she withheld future transfers ad punishment saying he had spent too much money. He would have spent about $80 on his food and drinks that night. He's 52. Surely he can make these decisions for himself, but she thought if she withheld his money it would also restrict our relationship. One of the many things she did to sabotage something we had together which I think was truly beautiful without her interference. Unfortunately he didn't have the backbone to stand up to her, to save us.
@annabylina Жыл бұрын
7 month in my case he didn't even stop and ask how am I once. Well I probably deserve it but still. 5 years
@BledaRassmar14 күн бұрын
Cruel.
@julietoarapan5784 Жыл бұрын
Almost a year and a half and i never comeback for my ex.
@joZieDiMaria2 ай бұрын
She never came back. Went into something else
@HojaFPS8 ай бұрын
This doesnt really work with the "secure" type of ex nop?
@gemmadizon7457 Жыл бұрын
Does it apply for a LDR?
@BruceJC752 ай бұрын
I feel like my anxiety is getting worse as time goes on. I’m four months in.
@BledaRassmar14 күн бұрын
This is you going through “pain / detox contractions”. Hold on, keep your head up; it does get better. Any update?
@BruceJC7514 күн бұрын
@@BledaRassmar I reached out and asked if she would like to get lunch a couple weeks ago. She said yes enthusiastically and even set the date, then she texted a couple days before and said she might have to cancel (gave valid reasons) and then the day before she said she’d have to rain check. The next day I suggested another time that I’m usually not available, but knew she was, but she had family plans, which was true (confirmed on Facebook), but she said she’d let me know another day to get together for lunch. I’m not holding my breath. I wish I wasn’t starving for breadcrumbs. I want what we had in the beginning and everything we talked about literally right up until the day she discarded me. I’m just lost.
@BledaRassmar13 күн бұрын
@@BruceJC75 Hey, at least she is talking to you positively and open to seeing you! And rescheduling rather than ghosting! Remember that getting back together will be the start of a whole new relationship, not a “unpause” of the old one. On the days that she reschedules, do something really enjoyable for yourself-make it like she gave you a GIFT of a little holiday for self-care. I know the anticipation feels like FOREVER but make it as fun for yourself as possible. We are all energetic beings and exes- can sense when you feel good versus needy; they can sense when you are carefree and glowing-up. Everything is going to be okay. You are doing really well so far and you have been strong and patient. Just relax into the process and have fun. Your heart is only as broken as you allow yourself to be convinced it is.
@BledaRassmar13 күн бұрын
Stay grounded in the moment that “nothing bad is happening RIGHT NOW. Don’t give yourself anxiety looking too far ahead. Your job is to have fun and be at peace. You are special and good things are in the works.
@gladiatoroui189728 күн бұрын
It’s been 8 months….
@joannedomingo2398 Жыл бұрын
I might not be available in 5 months
@ativaavery3878 Жыл бұрын
😂 so what if (and I'm not joking here) husband of 10 years gets deployed overseas, cheats with another solider on pass, and separates from you... (their not at the same location anymore but he wants to snapchat her.. says he will always love me but doesn't believe in the marriage anymore.. wants to be best friends again so we can coparent the kiddos...
@knapi15042 жыл бұрын
Hey i need your help tell me in my case : me and my ex-boyfriend were fighting like any normal couple ( its LDR) But in this time he told me bad words and hurted me so much so i told him that m leaving then we didn't talk again (i closed my social accnts but when i reopen them the next day he blocked me) So i feel like i am the one who dumped him Wish u tell me because m so confused about should i reache out or no It's have been tow months since the break up.
@Cjslvdr Жыл бұрын
Funny that I had the same story experience from my ldr ex
@BledaRassmar14 күн бұрын
A relationship takes 2 people to make it work. If your ex- can’t figure out why and how to improve, then he was an appetizer to a much better, more wholesome feast of love coming your way. Hugs.
@madameproblemes6548 Жыл бұрын
Idk if I have a fearful attachment style or if it's just because I have bipolar 😂
@limaflavio7926 Жыл бұрын
Stay away from relationships before you hurt an innocent soul just stick with casual se….x
@davidallahgod3217 Жыл бұрын
More like passive aggressive
@deanalexander30863 ай бұрын
Do these research work on women because i am a guy indont want my man its a woman.
@ambiliramachandran57393 ай бұрын
Its Been 6 months Bruh 😂
@tomaszp.94242 жыл бұрын
I'd like to ask You about my case. Short. We've been togehter for 3,5 year (live together). Brokeup for 9 months. Get back togerher for 6 months. Both was dissapointed and brokeup again. There was a children + family issue. Whe wanted i didnt. When i did was to late. 2 months after brokeup she went to Spain - 2500 km and is there for 3 months. Generally no contact for 30 days. I know she tried to date others but all failed - they dont speak english and she is bit tall and bit muscular spanish guys are bit smaller and mediocre. She is single (live with other girl) in the country where almost nobody speeks english. Lonely for sure. Next week will be her birthday. I want to ask her to try one more time. I dont think small talk will do the job. She needs real arguments to leave Spain because she has her lives there. I know for sure she will be massive depressed that day and after that she will be much better - i know her. Questons: should I ask her at all? Should i ask her in her birthday or after that? Should i ask her small talk way first? I dont belive she will reach me at all or even answer if it is small talk version. She dont even read my smses. She thinks i have a GF and seems she lives in Spain for good. Im sure she is at stage 1. I want someone to love me.
@alyssakrazigirl2 жыл бұрын
Can you do a video like this on fearful avoidants pleaseeeee😁