Why is it so hard to apologize? | Michael Ballard

Why is it so hard to apologize? | Michael Ballard | TEDxBreckenridge

Рет қаралды 58,783

6 ай бұрын

Most of us are terrible at apologizing. It's so easy for us to get stubborn, prideful, and defensive, and so hard for us to just admit that we were wrong. In this thought-provoking talk, Dr. Michael Ballard offers a unique perspective on the challenges we all face in saying those two meaningful words, "I'm sorry." After growing up in a troubled home scarred with substance abuse, domestic violence, and divorce, Dr. Michael Ballard made it his personal and professional mission to help families heal from anger, addictions, and abuse through forgiveness and reconciliation. He is a licensed psychologist, speaker, and published author. Outside of the office Michael is a competitive runner who completed the Abbott World Marathon Majors by qualifying for and running in the Boston, Chicago, New York City, Berlin, London, and Tokyo Marathons. He is an avid outdoorsman who can often be found in the beautiful mountains of Colorado. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx

Пікірлер: 201

@michaelkragt1043 6 ай бұрын

As a psychologist and marriage therapist, I am truly appreciative of this important message on how to apologize. It is a critical skill that so many are lacking and the ability to apologize is critical for healthy relationships. Great work Dr. Ballard!

@65stang 4 ай бұрын

I've never been good at apologizing, and this talk made me realize why. It's scary to admit when you're wrong, but it's necessary for growth. Time to swallow my pride and start saying sorry.

@etking225 6 ай бұрын

I can think of so many people who need to hear this and apologize to me. I'm forwarding to them right now!! JK this is for everyone, especially me. And I love how well crafted and delivered this is put together. You're an inspiration Dr. Ballard

@juliaressberger 2 ай бұрын

This talk made me realize how much I've let my pride get in the way of apologizing. It's time to set aside my ego and start making things right. Thanks for the encouragement.

@user-lw3mz9jo2c 6 ай бұрын

"When we're prideful, we tend to say things like... 'I'm sorry, IF ...I'm sorry YOU ... I'm sorry IF my comments SEEMED inappropriate ... I'm sorry, YOU feel that way ..." Michael Ballard tells us: "Never apologize like this because you are not really apologizing at all." A true apology is about the other person and is not qualified in any way. Such great advice in this TED Talk. I hope we get to see more from Michael Ballard.

@ManicBrainpoint 4 ай бұрын

Wow I never thought about how perfectionism can hinder apologizing... now I'm questioning every apology I've ever made or received.

@MikhailZhovmiruk-yx6hc 5 ай бұрын

As someone who knows Mike personally and more importantly as someone who’s felt understood by Mike, this was really amazing.

@ThePackHunter 2 ай бұрын

it takes real strength to admit when you're wrong. appreciated the reminder that humility is key to healthy relationships

@natalemodesto 4 ай бұрын

Thanks for the new perspective that an apology is for the other person not for you.

@user-qt5zo2bq1b 5 ай бұрын

Great talk! The world would be a better place if more of us knew how to authentically apologize for our mistakes and our poor behavior. Empathy for the impact of our actions on others is important.

@jacintohernandez9052 5 ай бұрын

Often times we as people make very simple things in relationships unnecessarily complicated, especially when we let our egos and pride get in the way. This message cuts to the core of the true simplicity of an effective, meaningful apology. There are some great points made here that I plan to share with my students!

@elian-cruz 2 ай бұрын

I've always been quick to apologize but this has made me realize that sometimes my apologies were more about me trying to make myself feel better than really understanding the other person. It's not something I've really thought about before

@ironmercMike 2 ай бұрын

It's not just about saying sorry; it's about truly understanding the other person's pain. Powerful stuff.

@chrismiller8046 5 ай бұрын

I’ve known Michael for many years, even working together for a period of time. He’s a good man and a good counselor. Way to go Michael. Good info on a vital topic. As a counselor myself, I know the necessity and power of apologies. I’m glad you addressed this. Blessings on you.

@hazrexall 2 ай бұрын

It's not easy admitting when you're wrong, but it's necessary! Definitely been too stubborn in the past to own my shyt.

@amyskatula334 5 ай бұрын

This was a compelling, convicting and encouraging talk! Dr. Ballard gives very simple, clear and attainable steps to apologizing. I'm grateful for this message!

@hichemkahela 2 ай бұрын

A far cry from what I was taught growing up. For so long I would work around an apology because I thought it meant I was weak if I admitted fault.

@petekleinsasser5355 6 ай бұрын

This was remarkably inspiring. "I see you and I see your pain." Truly a humbling thought. Thanks for the great talk, Michael! I have at least three people who I need to authentically apologize to today after watching this.

@margaretstrom 2 ай бұрын

I've been on the receiving end of half-hearted apologies too many times to count. It's refreshing to hear someone break down what a real apology looks like.

@jacquelinehogan3313 3 ай бұрын

I cannot handle confrontation, always been a thing for me. Watching this, I can see now why I have repeated some patterns. Great wisdom to share here!

@jessicaevans3764 5 ай бұрын

A great conversation starter to get at the heart of what apologizing is and isn’t and how we can take steps to actually apologize. It takes much humility and courage!

@SweetPeePandora 4 ай бұрын

It's not just about saying sorry; it's about understanding the impact on the other person, it is how we grow!!

@gadlubac 4 ай бұрын

The dance of breath and movement is the dance of life! This talk is pure enlightenment. I felt my chakras aligning at 6:28. Ground yourself, release, and let your breath guide you to freedom. Namaste!

@1martinarose1 3 ай бұрын

It's so easy to justify our actions, but that doesn't make them right. Thanks for the reminder that a sincere apology can go a long way

@georgegerchow3665 5 ай бұрын

As a TedX myself, speaker working with Michael was a pleasure. His talk was my favorite and a great way to end the event!

@umadelecois 4 ай бұрын

This talk made so much sense when I stopped and considered an apology from the other person's point of view.

@paulcaprera8471 4 ай бұрын

Thanks Michael!!! You're work with anger management has been so incredibly helpful to myself and all the client's I have worked with for a decade now. How exciting to see this contribution around forgiveness. A new media but just as helpful! Congrats and thanks!

@Boss-1964 5 ай бұрын

Loved the idea that a sincere apology can have a ripple effect worldwide. Small actions, big impact.

@user-qg3kx5ny5u 6 ай бұрын

Listened to it with my son and of course ended up applying the lessons learned within 24h! So helpful!

@morgannfields 2 ай бұрын

This talk made me think about all the times I've been too caught up in my own world to consider how my actions affect others... Pretty uncomfortable things to reflect on tbh and I wish I could go back and just be a little more aware

@georgenotbest 4 ай бұрын

As someone who struggles with empathy, I found this talk challenging in the best way possible. It's easy to get caught up in our own feelings, but true growth comes from considering others

@BenFranklinBFA 6 ай бұрын

As we learned in Scouts, Own it, Fix it and Move on. Great talk on something that should be easy

@danszy6874 6 ай бұрын

Empathy is strangely controversial in certain circles. It shouldn't be! It is, as you've said, what equips us for apologies that are on the only path to genuine healing and reconciliation.

@NotSkander 6 ай бұрын

Before this, I hadn't thought of the components of good and bad apologies without the weight of their subjects getting in the way. Thank you

@scotthmcbride 5 ай бұрын

This video sharpened my apology skills, but more importantly challenged my heart. To be more charitable and gracious, even when it causes me pain to do so. I want to have the character to be able to give these whole hearted apologies for all in my family and community, this video is helping me do that!

@ryanpaulson3789 5 ай бұрын

Such a great talk. As a pastor, I work with people all the time who are struggling with apologizing, empathy, and taking ownership. This is a great resource.

@jeffjaynes7046 6 ай бұрын

I'm sorry I didn't get to see this live! What a fantastic reminder and very well done. You ROCK!

@christinafaulkner2994 6 ай бұрын

Oh how quick we are to believe our own lies! This talk addresses our self indulgence and how to genuinely empathize and apologize. Humanity would be better off if we embraced the steps mentioned in this short and effective talk.

@michaelballard306 5 ай бұрын

I appreciate such a kind and encouraging comment. Thank you!

@ladyvalli1 4 ай бұрын

Simple and effective steps to apologize. Practice empathy, take accountability, and say the words 'I'm sorry.' Noted for my next slip-up!

@user-dw1cr1ii6z 6 ай бұрын

Thanks, MB!

@calvinwing1456 5 ай бұрын

Truly an amazing talk Mr. Ballard. So well spoken and an approach to humility that is so often dismissed. Thank you for your clearness and overall talk on this really important message! It’s not about us!

@benjaminskurdal3218 5 ай бұрын

Resonated with me as a person not known for empathy- I started thinking of recent situations I needed to apply this action. Thank you! Yes, the world would be very different (let’s start one concentric circle at a time).

@nathanielballard1668 6 ай бұрын

What a great talk!

@efae 3 ай бұрын

Thank you

@raeflores-nr1ge 5 ай бұрын

Thank you for this message!!

@gtowncook 6 ай бұрын

I will come back to this video. So much packed into 13 minutes! And 13 minutes that will have a big impact on me and those I love.

@ginapesce661 6 ай бұрын

What a great reminder on the essence of a sincere apology. I had never considered this perspective before. It’s about them. Not you.

@user-dy4ee1en6l 6 ай бұрын

Thanks for such an encouraging reminder to say AND mean, I'm sorry

@kellykurpanek2255 5 ай бұрын

Love this! I’m so bad about the “I’m sorry, but” that you mention and it’s helpful to understand WHY I do that sometimes! So well said!

@rmc6566 6 ай бұрын

Well done. And good to reflect upon.

@burtonbuffs 6 ай бұрын

Good Talk! Thanks for sharing.

@jessicasato6201 5 ай бұрын

I really loved this talk! Not only did you bring good humor to this conversation, but you also dropped a few gut checks! So good.

@tylerbrayton3446 6 ай бұрын

What a great reminder of the importance of an apology to promote healing and restored relationships! Well said!

@jessicaparks4070 6 ай бұрын

Incredibly important message! Thank you!

@chrismartinco 6 ай бұрын

Thanks Michael. Clear. Compelling. And something we all need to take to heart!

@tracihart8666 6 ай бұрын

There are many resources about the difficulty of forgiveness, but I have not come across many about how hard it is to apologize. Dr. Ballard's unique perspective is an excellent reminder that our intentions should take a back seat to how our actions are perceived.

@gscharto 5 ай бұрын

So good! The best talk of the night!

@user-kk2dm8mx9s 6 ай бұрын

Great message, thank you for your words!

@drandrewfix 6 ай бұрын

Loved this talk! Apologizing is something I have a hard time with. I tend to be a perfectionist, and I hate when I mess up something. I also am guilty of thinking about how things feel for me and not always the other people or parties involved. This was a great reminder and eye opening.

@teresaross4565 6 ай бұрын

Good message for everyone to hear.

@richarddierenfield3928 6 ай бұрын

This gave me a lot to think about Michael! Thank you for laying a simple approach to apologies.

@kkcarnevale 2 ай бұрын

So GOOD! I laughed. I cried. Now, I'm off to apologize :)

@nicoleturner9014 5 ай бұрын

I really appreciated the focus on empathy and that ann apology is about the other person, not you. Great speaker and teacher on the forgiveness!

@jeffdeclue9748 5 ай бұрын

Such great truth! Home Run of a Tedx Talk!

@user-br4dz3rq1j 6 ай бұрын

Deeply insightful and clearly communicated!

@bradcrossman 6 ай бұрын

Saying I’m sorry is definitely missing from our culture today! Great talk!

@hbotyos 6 ай бұрын

Mistakes happen, we are human. Owning the mistake and saying, “I’m sorry” is important. Owning the mistake, saying “I’m sorry” for the specific action, and applying empathy is growth! Thank you for sharing such a valuable message.

@reginarabenhorst1908 6 ай бұрын

What a powerful message and convicting reminder!

@user-xy5lj4ne5z 6 ай бұрын

This really hit home! Thank you so much for sharing this. It is needed today and always!

@MarkHallock 6 ай бұрын

What a fantastic talk! So helpful and practical!

@alexandriaagresta 5 ай бұрын

What a riveting talk! Thank you for helping us reframe those 2 meaningful words in a way that makes it not so scary to say them and actually MEAN them to the humans we love most. This is true thought leadership right here. Can't wait to see this message create a ripple effect.

@jasonl2507 6 ай бұрын

This is great Michael.

@davidmorrow6649 6 ай бұрын

Great talk! Such great insights!

@tonylizzy4781 4 ай бұрын

It’s so hard for me to apologize I want to be perfection and keep my pride.

@user-xw4dt7pz5i 4 ай бұрын

Great message. Apologies require so much vulnerability sometimes.

@payton.stepps 3 ай бұрын

Insightful! Thank you for bringing light to this important topic

@TLooP 5 ай бұрын

Excellent work! Mike this is wonderful 😊thanks for sharing ❤

@user-ct8yo3bf3i 6 ай бұрын

This captures in a compelling and succinct way exactly what we all need to learn when it comes to making an honest and effective apology. Love it!

@KristinWillis-iz6ot 6 ай бұрын

Great talk! Something everyone needs to hear and put into practice!

@janiceweber5330 5 ай бұрын

Excellent presentation, very well delivered. More of Dr. Ballard, please!

@user-jo3vw3zu9i 6 ай бұрын

So relevant and what a good reminder and insight that it’s really not about us!

@AdamAngieLong 4 ай бұрын

Great talk - truly insightful, relevant, and practical.

@user-ku7bv9xh2y 5 ай бұрын

What a wonderful anchor to the whole program! I referenced this talk in a conflict management class that I was in later.

@davidmcguire5611 6 ай бұрын

Truly inspiring and powerful message - one that I will keep close to my heart for a long time! Thank you for this!

@user-fn6yx5po5z 5 ай бұрын

So helpful to hear about this topic through the lens of perfectionism and trauma. And so practical to hear examples of true apology. Yes, words have power. This is one to listen to again and again!

@jonathanmarshall893 6 ай бұрын

A simple but challenging skill for all humans!

@Rsulli-dn7xu 5 ай бұрын

Such a great message with practical advice about an act that is so simple but profoundly complex to all of us. Thank you Dr. Ballard for distilling the apology and helping others genuinely embrace it, hopefully sooner than Florence!

@kuangchiang3621 6 ай бұрын

Well done, Michael!

@user-zv6xe3dl4u 6 ай бұрын

Excellent condensed reminder of how an authentic apology should be. Everyone should listen to your message as we tend to all forget the rules to a sincere apology.

@user-sd4jl7yg6n 6 ай бұрын

I so appreciate your reminder on the three key items of an authentic apology. It means so much when we are specific in our apology of how we hurt someone. And what a great photo of your family’s shoes and what it might actually feel like to walk in someone else’s shoes. Great analogy for building empathy!

@user-qh7zc5oy4d 6 ай бұрын

Really appreciate this message! Definitely something I will come back to repeatedly as a good reminder and something to consistently practice.

@nnyl5236 6 ай бұрын

This is a very great speech on a very important subject. Made me think of my failures in my efforts of apologizing.

@m13hockey 6 ай бұрын

I never realized what a real apology was until recently and this talk is a great, concise and profoundly relevant explanation of the power and importance of I’m sorry. Way to go!

@nyc62206 6 ай бұрын

Teaching an essential skill in a time when we all seem so quick to really think about how something affects us rather than understanding others in the world around us. Great talk!

@tojamismis 6 ай бұрын

I really appreciate you touching on that key factor of empathy. I have two people in my life who struggle terribly with apology. One of them only apologized once in 13 years. But when they did, they were crumpled on the floor in pieces. Something between the empathy and the fear of not being “perfect” is a factor in them fighting so hard to ever accept accountability.

@bluegoose9157 6 ай бұрын

Outstanding stuff. Well said, and a perfect delivery. Vital message for relationships, personal and professional.

@BrianHatak 6 ай бұрын

This is so true. I know that it can be difficult to say "I'm sorry" in a meaningful way. It is so important to make sure others are first in most things that we do and that should include apologizing. What a great reminder on how to interact with others. Thank you Dr. Ballard.

@patriciascholer852 6 ай бұрын

I love this topic! Wonderful reminder to all of us and great ideas to put it into practice.

@TakeMeOn25 5 ай бұрын

Loved this talk! Very good points that I'll be taking home and sharing and applying. Thanks, Michael!

@allisonboerner6393 6 ай бұрын

This is amazing and such a powerful message. More “I’m sorrys” need to be said. Thank you so much for sharing your knowledge and wisdom. You’re truly amazing.