In the 1950's and 60's I was a tomboy and no one cared at all. Puberty was hard on me, but I got through it. And even now at age 73, I still am a bit of a tomboy. My grandchildren like that.

This is an extract of one of the best interview about the subject, they talk about transition as well as detransition with no judgement on both end, the confusion that kids have around gender identity and how this child psychologist deal with each case and the many exceptions that there are. It's refreshing to see the medical and healthcare side of the story without the political talking points. 10/10 would recommend it to anyone

In the early 1900’s hardly anybody was left handed. After we stopped beating left handed people the rate of left-handedness increased sharply. Crazy how that works huh?

I'm a straight guy in my 30s and starkly remember multiple times as a child and teen where i felt extremely weird not by my hobbies of sewing, cooking, gardening, etc... along with normal "dude activities" like high contact sports, cars, and video games... but rather that society shoved how many things I enjoyed were "gay" or "girly." Maybe if we stopped being dicks and trying to assign different sex or gender to activities kids wouldn't feel so confused or weird. In my late teens I had a conversation with a uncle who made a comment of a similar vein amd I responded "how many chefs are men??? How many fashion designers are men??? Don't men do most of the landscaping and farming??? Wtf are you on about?" And it finally clicked to him there's nothing weird at all about it.

The commenters who say this doctor is influencing kids need to watch the whole interview, he goes into lots of detail about how he explicitly explains to kids that just because they enjoy activities associated with another gender doesn’t mean they are trans. There are lots of policies in place to really try and ensure kids aren’t “confused”

Expressing yourself, rebelling, finding an identity, raging against the machine- *It’s what kids do* It’s what they’ve ALWAYS done

He's exactly right. I have a trans son, ftm, and he has clearly been a boy since day one, there's no denying he has gender dysphoria. There are a lot less kids with actual gender dysphoria, than trans kids.

Folks, as usual, we must ask the question: WHO TF CARES. If the 10 year old says they're non binary and they don't want surgery or hormones, WHO CARES. If they cut their hair or want to use a different name, WHO CARES. It literally doesn't matter at all. Just let the kid express themselves, and if there's nothing medical going on it literally doesn't matter one bit.

I think the biggest problem with why kids are so confused nowadays is because of how strict society is on certain things, like colors and toys and clothing. None of those things have genders, a little girl liking trucks doesn’t mean she’s actually a boy it just means that she likes trucks. Same thing with if a little boy likes pink. I think we need to take the socially decided gender out of objects and such, it would be so much better.

I never felt like I fit in with society's expectations. I was a very outdoorsy girl who did not have domestic interests. They used to call that a tomboy. As I went through puberty I knew I was heterosexual but several times in my life had women question my sexuality due to my physical appearance (muscular and strong) and interests in things traditionally associated with men.

also please remember, you are still valid as a trans fem/masc or non-binary if you are happy with your body and do not want medical "help" YOU ARE VALID!!! trans doesnt equal hating yourself

When i was really little, i never felt feminine enough. All my friends would dress super girly, and i didnt understand how to *be* a girl, so i would take being feminine to an extreme. I almost exclusively wore dresses and obsessed over princesses and dolls and only wore pink, all to make up for the fact i didnt feel feminine enough on the inside, because i thought thats what i was supposed to do. That thats what i *had* to do. When i learned about being trans, i was so confused at first. I thought that *everyone* hated their gender, but that it was their duty to to act masculine/feminine. I have never really felt inherently masculine or feminine, i always just felt...genderless. I hate parts of my body, but i love others. I currently identify as agender, but i am still figuring everything out. These discussions are very important, and im glad that doctors are having them.

It's the same reason more people are open about being left-handed after the concept it was a devil symbol started to fade These people are not created, they're discovered.

So basically, a lot of kids are confusing their personality with "gender identity."

Weird. It’s almost as if the less we emphasize gender roles, the less people feel obligated to clarify their gender.

Gender dysphoria is a very serious and real medical condition. I find it very frustrating that there has been a social and political ecosystem in the modern era that has somehow promoted the idea that being trans is like a choice or cool or something. No one chooses gender dysphoria, they are born with it.

I swung HARD into feminine stuff when I was fairly young. I loved pink, skirts, dresses- well into my teens. (Still do) and I always wore my hair long... Until I hit puberty. I got super depressed, developed an eating disorder, wanted DESPERATELY to hang out with the guys of my social group, and never understood why. My mental health got bad, and stayed that way for years... until I started to finally allow myself to learn about transgenderism. I listened to countless men, women, adults and teens speak about their experiences. I felt seen, and I hated it. I cried, violently, many MANY times about how good it felt to see myself, and how terrified I was for others to see me too. After years worth of questions, discoveries, tiny steps, and multiple research paper's worth of reading; I am finally out, and proud, as a trans man. I'm still feminine- and the child I was is still with me. I love her. It's Because I love her, I live as myself today. I'll fight as hard as I have to to keep that kid safe; and it's discussions like these that remind me I may not have to fight alone. Thank you.

I'm happy as a woman who has some masculine interests, though when i was younger i really wished i was a boy because i'd be stronger and more accepted. Girls didnt like me and boys didnt like hanging out with a gjrl. I think it'd also be nice to have more parents and society be more accepting of boys being emotionally vulnerable and girls being tougher or with non-stereotypical interests. Because lets be real, school is a wild and vicious jungle we all have to go survive through.

As someone that is a very masculine transgender man. My identity hasn’t really changed. I knew from the time I was eight where I was going to go. I was a classic case. So was my husband. We may joke about who we are but that is our joke to make. We are two transmen that love each other for who we are. We wake up each morning look at each other make jokes and have our morning coffee. We work and go to school to better ourselves. We laugh at the dogs, and snuggle at night. The only difference between us and everyone else is the fact that we had to have a couple of surgeries to feel better, but there again. That isn’t so different from how everyone else is either. Acceptance of your kids isn’t something that should have to be thought of if they are coming out as LGBT. They haven’t died. They have committed no crime. They have accepted who they are, in all the many flavors it comes in. Be happy for them. They thought of you enough to tell you. That’s what matters.

Nonbinary kids are trans though, it’s medicalist nonsense to seperate the two like this bozo is, it’s in the name, unless they have never been gendered male or female, their gender identity doesn’t match up with the one assigned at birth. I’m so tired of this needless distinction that gets made. Also the idea that non binary people don’t have dysphoria is just wrong, some don’t, some do, just like with binary trans people. And there’s not waaay more trans kids, kids are just able to come out as kids rather than as adults due to increased awareness. Is Mike just doing the questionable interview rounds atm? First that gross muppet talking about how social gender differences are chromosonally linked, and hormone caused, now someone with trans medicalist talking points.

An important thing to touch on as well, that's not mentioned here, is that some nonbinary people do experience dysphoria, and feel the need for medical transition AND some binary trans people dont feel any form of dysphoria, or dont feel the need for medical transition In fact, many nonbinary people don't consider themselves trans

People in the comments don't seem to understand that a lot of trans people *don't* fit the stereotypes of their chosen gender. I know many trans men who are unashamedly feminine. You don't easily get being a tomboy confused with being trans. I'm kind of a tomboy myself, and while I did wonder about being trans as a teen, I quickly arrived at "I like being a masculine girl, but I don't like being called a guy." If you're not really trans you *notice.* You notice that pretending to be the other gender doesn't help you at all, or feels neutral at best. Sure, sometimes that might take the entire duration of puberty to figure out, but since when is self discovery bad?

I’m gen x. When I was a kid, we fought a culture war ourselves. We were boys and girls who didn’t necessarily act like the traditional boys and girls, but we argued that we were still boys and girls. Like if I was a boy who likes dolls, it didn’t mean I wasn’t a boy. It just meant I liked dolls. I didn’t want to be something different just because I didn’t subscribe to gender norms. This generation WANTS to be called something entirely different because they don’t subscribe to gender norms. I can understand why boomers are confused in their lifetime kids did a full 180.

I used to indetify with she/her pronouns and was fine with it for about 15 years. But i realised that it always made me extremely uncomfortable for no reason, so i decided that i wanted to identify as gender fluid (she/they/he) ppl still call me she/her pronouns but im completely fine with it and i dont ever experience the uncomfortableness that i experienced before. Its allowed me to dress and feel the way i want.

One thing I take issue with is people acting like this is a new phenomenon. There is evidence of LGBTQ people as far back as ancient times long before the acronym and labels even existed. It's not some new societal phenomenon it has been around for almost all of mankind's existence.

You have to keep in mind: they’re kids. Kids do weird things. There’s no problem with them being confused about their gender identity. They’ll get through it on their own and maybe they’ll still be “non-binary” in 10 years and maybe they won’t. The important thing is you support them no matter what.

I don’t understand the people who think it’s some wild, far-reaching conspiracy to corrupt the children. It’s like, settle down; worry about yourself.

If a nonbinary person doesn't want gender-affirming surgery, it's because they're *nonbinary* They're somewhere in between, so sometimes their current body isn't any worse then transitioning. I'm genderfluid, and I don't plan on transitioning because I know I'll have the same amount of gender dysphoria if I do so. Some people consider nonbinary to be under the trans umbrella, which is why not all of your clients who identify as trans want to transition. It's a labels game. My gender has nothing to do with "societal expectations". I didn't choose to identify as something other than binary because I felt like it. I did it because I'm not binary.

as someone who had gender therapy as a child. I was asked multiple times why I felt I was trans and if there was any other explanation for what I felt. even as an adult I got asked if I could be happy being in the body I was in for my whole life, I was asked if I could ever see myself being happy as a woman. I had to answer all these questions to just be put on a list for an appointment to talk about starting testosterone. there is way more pressure to be cis than there is to be trans and believe me when I say no one wants a cis kid to medically transition, that includes all the doctors they will be talking to

Please remember that this is only a small clip of the interview.

I’m in the category of having pretty evident dysphoria but being too depressed, broke, and self conscious to attempt physical transition

My sister looked like a boy when we were kids. She hates dresses, didn't play with dolls, wore my brother's hand me down clothes. My parents didn't make a big deal out of it. In her teens, she was athletic, went through that awkward phase with braces and trying to figure out make-up. She grew up to be a pretty woman, with a child. No big deal.

This clip isn’t really doing justice to how nuanced this conversation was in full, and I’d recommend watching the full context. A lot of the comments here (“I was a tomboy!”) are addressed in the conversation. For example, some trans women are/were tomboys too!

I think it has more to do with how gender nonconforming kids are treated when it comes to their identity. If their parents put a huge emphasis on genitalia as a reason they have to be a certain gender, they're going to put a lot more value in the shape of their genitalia than they would have otherwise. Obviously this doesn't apply to every case of gender dysphoria, but now that many kids are allowed to express how they want without too many people close to them trying to argue against it, they aren't given the "because your private parts" excuse, and don't feel the need to change that part of them as strongly to express the way they feel is correct. You don't need to be dysphoric to be trans, although it is a major element for many trans people. I guess my hypothesis here is that the less of a big deal you make being trans, the less dysphoric kids who are going to be trans anyway will feel. For personal context, I consider myself agender. I don't like being forced into the box I was forced into my entire childhood, and my natural tendency is to view others through the lens of my own experiences (which I'm pretty sure is normal?) so I admit I might be wrong here, but this comment comes from a kindred place.

The way I was treated as a female child- abused, neglected, insulted, enslaved…that alone was enough to make me not want to be a girl. I desperately wanted to be a boy. My brother had freedom all day- no real chores and got things like musical instruments and chemistry sets and building sets and model cars. He was allowed to touch firecrackers. I was not. He was allowed to climb trees. I could but only if I “could get all my chores done and it was still light outside”. The light was usually gone except for summertime. I was hasseled daily about how fat my body was (it wasn’t but I didn’t know that.) I didn’t for one minute want a boy’s genitals as part of my body tho I knew peeing standing up was an advantage. Sure I wanted to be a boy but kinda like a Ken doll. 😂 I also still liked girly things even while I was very very mechanically inclined and wanted boy toys- construction toys yes, bicycles yes, basketballs yes. Pretty sure if the category was around when I was young I would have said Trans too. Now I wish I were a lesbian but am just maybe 3%, I identity as bi- for sure but I wish men were nicer.

Unfortunately, some people can't understand this nuance and just want to be outraged whilst shoehorning their children into one's own ideology of what makes a boy or a girl.

hrt was lifesaving for me. gender dysphoria is a real disorder that requires treatment (like hrt) to fix. the lot of us just want to live normally like anyone else. and it always tickles me when openly transphobic people talk to me as a dude because i’m on testosterone and pass well… it makes me feel like an undercover agent 😅 you can always tell huh? love this interview

I am getting top surgery in six days. I never felt like a girl, never really felt it was "me". When I started transitioning, my depression became a lot better, and now that I've had gender affirming medical care, I can't be happier ❤. People should be allowed to express themselves freely, regardless if they are trans or not, or want gender affirming care or not. :) Edit: Thank you, guys, for all the positive replies! It means so much to me. This is one of my biggest feats in life, and I can't wait to come out of it as my true self. Ty all and ily ❤️

My child told me years ago they were trans. I asked for more information as to how they knew. Since they weren't sure how to answer, I asked if it was because they like pretty colors, sparkles, and pretty patterns. They responded, 'yes, why are boys colors so boring?' I stated that many men and boys like pretty colors and sparkles. They wear those colors and patterns. Then, we discussed what it meant to transition. I asked them if that was what they wanted. They said no. They liked their boy parts. I responded that they really wanted to chose pretty colors and patterns. Their cloths and decor are pretty and colorful.

We really need to be more open about this stuff and just let kids express themselves however they want. Let's not treat it as something wrong or shameful

Bruh, yo, errbody in these here comments...... please stop TELLING kids they're confused. If they are, they'll figure that out through their own searching. If they aren't, then affirming them was the best thing you could've done. We all know kids go through phases, so let them do the thing we know they'll do anyway. You're hurting kids development in so many areas by telling them what and who they are. LISTEN to kids and the people who are trained to listen to kids. Let kids be people, because if you don't let them be their own person until they're an adult, they won't know who they are, and we don't need more underdeveloped adults getting into shenanigans and running for office and stuff....

You can also have gender dysphoria, be nonbinary, and not want surgery. And it's not just kids and this also isn't new or unique to gen z 🤷

So theyre wrong about describing themselves as trans then cool.

My brother is a trans man and I’m a cis woman. We gave our friend a gender identity crisis because she didn’t understand how we had such strong feelings about our respective genders. Now they’re non-binary and use she/they pronouns. They haven’t changed anything about their appearance. She’s still very feminine, but she’s feminine non-binary. I don’t think it’s necessarily just about femininity and masculinity because my brother is very flamboyant and there are butch cis women. I think there’s an innate sense of identity (which may be regulated by the sexually dimorphic nucleus, but research is scant).

And more people are coming out as Trans because people are standing up for them and providing resources so that their parents disowning them is less life shattering, and they are more protected by a community that makes it harder to mercilessly bully them to death. People feel safer. But there's still a long way to go.

Crazy to me how people will attack trans kids and wholeheartedly believe they’re “helping” them. Just pure ignorance

If kids don't relate to gender stereotypes, it's the responsibility of the adults to clarify that this doesn't mean they're trans. It just means they're an individual and nobody is truly cookie cutter anyway.

You can ignore societal norms without changing anything. I do that. Born a man, identify as a man, not typically masculine but I am by no stretch feminine either. I just wanna chill and live my life

Remember: Being trans just means you don’t identify as the gender you were assigned at birth. Trans is under the non-binary umbrella, but not all trans people will identify as NB and vise versa. And like he said, not all trans people want gender conforming surgery. There are transwomen who are perfectly happy with their penises, and transmen who are content with their breasts and vagina. It differs from person to person. Most kids also know what they’re feeling at a young age. They know something’s not right with them, but they don’t know how to express it. They’re also more comfortable coming out because society has become a lot more accepting than it was only 10 years ago. So are the recent generations.

This is going to be a long comment and so I will provide a summary for those who don't have the time or energy to read it all the way through (not judging at all as I get the same thing). Summary: I was born female but rejected anything femimine and was always a tomboy, made the full transition to male. Saw a video of masculine women being butch and very much identifying as women. Had I seen that I think I would have stayed a woman. Please note: all I write here is MY experience and no one else's. The language I use is how I define my experiences and would appreciate if people don't police me on it. Also I post this to share my perspective, not start a debate. If drama kicks off then I will delete this comment, I have no patience for internet drama so easier to just nip it in the bud when it happens. I was born female and grew up as a tomboy. My family was 100% fine with that and only tried a handful of times to get me into a dress (worked one time only). I played with my brother and play football (soccer) in the garden. I played with cars and ignored Barbie's and tea sets and baby dolls. Anything feminine was just not considered. I would dress as male Disney characters such as Tarzan and Hercules. I didn't want to be Jane or Meg. Teenage years were hell. My tomboy identity was being threatened by puberty; periods and breast development. I was becoming a woman, I was having to buy bras which are typically worn by women. I found an online LGBT youth support website which had a trans forum. I read people's experiences and what the trans men had to say was like looking in the mirror; it was the perfect solution. I rejected femininity and womanhood because I was a man and wanted to act in a masculine way. I found a video on here about two years ago, about butch women. These were women who were happy as women and still expressed and celebrated their masculinity. Some of them totally rejected anything feminine but were happy being women. For the first time in years I felt doubt. Had I made a big mistake? Had I jumped in too quickly? I can't go back as I have gone as you can do in terms of transitioning from female to male. Had I seen this video before coming out as trans, I don't think I would have transitioned. Hopefully I would have found peace as a masculine woman, but far too late for that now.

I can see why kids are confused about gender. I'm 35 and I'm confused. I thought transgender was the term for someone who is, more or less, "trapped in the body of the opposite gender". But now it seems like the definition varies from person to person? So now if you're a girl that likes cars and fighting that's transgender? And if you're a boy that likes to cook and clean that's transgender? But When I was growing up that was "tomboy" and "tidy chef", but the person was still a girl or boy. I'm not trying to be disrespectful or anything it's just that transgenderism has never really been explained in a consistent and clear way to me. And as I'm trying to figure out transgender I'm being bombarded with like 72 new genders and pronouns and growing and my simple mind simply isn't prepared to process all that. Like it's easier to memorize the periodic table of elements than understand gender because at least the elements are the same every time a science teacher explains it. Whenever someone talks about gender now-a-days though I just get a bunch of strange new words that have no meaning to me thrown at me like it's some kind of advanced class in Latin or calculus.. Not trying to be disrespectful I just think if we really want to help confused little boys and girls (and whatever other genders there are) that we should talk about it in a way that makes sense instead of throwing terminology at them. Edit: Found the full video. In that he does a MUCH better job at explaining things. It's still difficult to grasp, especially if you're new to the subject or never really thought about it, but he gives more nuance and explains why the definition of transgender has become so broad. Basically, if I could summarize it the way I interpreted it, it's because in psychology everyone's brains work in very different and kind of unpredictable ways. So while being the type of girl who doesn't cook, clean, and wear make-up might not mean anything to how one person self-identifies, it could call into question how another person self-identifies because in their mind they can't fit that mold of what a girl is supposed to be. So the difference between a tomboyish girl and a transgender man is, a tomboy still thinks they can like football and be a girl, a transgender believes that they can't like football and be a girl (and because everyone is different and grew up in different cultures, there's like an infinite spectrum between these two, ranging from not even considering oneself a tomboy because they believe girls can be strong to having anxiety and distress because you feel that it is very wrong for you to like football but be in a girl's body). Another example that I can identify with is the definition of race. Labeling human beings by race is objectively stupid because human beings are diverse and unique. How dark does one have to be to be considered black? How many generations down from Africa? 1? 2? 10? What if your grandmother is European? What if your mother is European? What are behavioral and cultural characteristics that define a black person? Why do those define black people when they have nothing to do with skin color and everything to do with what culture you grew up in? Are you still black if you have the behavioral characterist but not the physical characteristics? Are you black if you have the physical characteristics but not the behavioral? What if you have neither but were born from black parents? It honestly doesn't really make sense to use "black" as a label, but at the same time as humans we naturally latch onto labels and use them as part of our identity. But different people value different labels differently, and define different labels differently. So while I am dark-skinned and my siblings and parents are dark-skinned, I identify as black, but not African American because I don't know any family from Africa. Yet, my brother, who is lighter skinned than me, might identify as African American because that's what society looks at him and calls him and he accepts that, and he plays basketball and listen to rap music because that's what society says he should do as an African American. My sister might not call herself African American or black because she could care less what society thinks about her appearance. But my cousin, who is darker skinned than all of us, identifies as white because his great grandmother is white skinned and he works a high position at a large corporate office and has an extensive stock portfolio and those are not things he believes black people do. His skin color is merely a recessive trait but every other part of him feels white so he checks "white" on the cencus. Basically, labels are stupid but you can't stop people from using labels so you broaden the definition of labels so that people won't feel excluded and be able to choose the label that makes them feel most comfortable. Because some people want to be "normal" and others don't, and everyone has a different definition of "normal" because no one really is "normal". And that's how we got here. So while there is male and female, because we attribute so much more to "male" and "female" than genitals (and to make matters more confusing, not everyone has what most would consider "normal" genitals) it's pretty much impossible to make a concise definition of transgender (at least not without making some people feel like outcast, and it is unethical for psychologists to do this).

So many people are missing the god danm point in the comments. Guys, this is a literal expert on this topic. No, you don’t know more than him.

Reminds me of this meme of the guy from the Simpsons saying, "Don't make me point at the sign!" And then it shows a chart of how when acceptance for left-handed people went up, the population of left-handed people went up. People stop hiding and flourish when there's less discrimination towards them. Also, Happy Pride Month, Mike! I'd be very interested if you delved into more LGBTQ topics, and I ask you to bring on trans people to your podcast when the topic regards trans ppl. I recommend asking someone like Jammidodger to join you.

Hot take: I agree that many people are genuinely trans, but the percentage of kids who say they identify as "trans" are much higher than those who actually are. Although I agree with the speaker that this is a social effect of wanting to find their individuality, I disagree that it is a "nuanced" way to describe it. In fact, it's the opposite. It's taking unrelated things (fashion/style/social cliques vs real feelings that one views themselves as the opposite gender) and conflating them into one bucket. This does a disservice to those people who are actually trans, while many of these kids will continue to figure out who they actually are as they continue through adulthood (spoiler: it will be a very different person than they are now).

Its important to be aware that the two kinds of trans kids described here are not two different kinds of trans kids. They are on the exact same spectrum. Gender is like different shades of color. At which point starts green to be blue? There is no objective answer, becauser there are not just two colors. And even if you expand your language and invent a third color "teal" you now have the question when starts blue to be teal. If you care about color you have a lot of words describing different shades. And if you care about gender you know a lot of words describing different nuances of gender. The cutoff point at which a cis person becomes trans is just as arbitrary as the point where green becomes blue.

100%! My son has autism. He found out the popular kid is “Bi”. So in order to hopefully become his friend, he told everyone he is “Bi”, and asked if he would be his boyfriend. When I tried to carefully ask him questions and not lead him, I asked if he felt like he wanted to kiss him? He said “No, but I will just get used to it.” So I asked if he likes him like he likes girls? He said, “No, but I can hang out with him more if I am his boyfriend.” Finally, the kid had to tell him he didn’t like him like that. So my son got mad. He finally admitted he only said he was “Bi” so he could be closer friends with the popular kids.🤨 Try to make all that make sense in the brain of someone who is autistic! He has troubles distinguishing between real and imaginary!

This is so true, but it doesn't mean we should all compile all the kids into one pile that they actually arent trans. And neither should we make assumptions. But, i completely agree with you on this

I feel like the best we can do is let kids know there are so many ways to be men, women and nonbinary- and trans versions of all those too. Let kids know about femme and butch as they explore this- give them time to explore their identity and what ways you can be so they can explore from a place of knowledge instead of the automatic mode being ‘if I don’t fit this one mold for my sex I must be trans’- and going full in before exploring. Like, if someone is trans I fully support them - and any kid who has said they are trans I’ve of course honoured their pronouns/name changes etc- but with kids who are young and not necessarily coming from a place of knowledge when it comes to how one can live and express oneself - let’s give them opportunities to see if they are trans or not safely with support. I sometimes worry that medically affirming too soon, instead of more socially affirming, this can deny them the opportunity to explore and know

It all boils down to how much attention one wants. I don't want anyone to even know I'm alive so you're not going to see my face all over the internet and videos prancing around crying about equality.

To write quotes around trans is quite problematic. They are trans as trans just means not being the gender assigned at birth. The title is also wrong. The big reason trans is more popular is because more people are allowed to be trans, not because solely of non-binary trans people.

Wouldn't it be nice if there was no societal pressures to be anything other than who you really are? And everyone is given the space and freedom to figure that out on their own timeline? No rushing it but allowing it to occur organically? It'd be a much greater world.

We went from trying to fight stereotyping genders to re-stereotyping them so people can identify outside of it. The world has gone insane.

Trans and non-binary aren't the same thing. Why conflate them?

I remember being a kid in the 2000s and thinking of myself as a tomboy because I liked things that boys around me only do. Playing with Kart Wheels, playing video games, liking scary things, explosions and action packed movies etc. But I also liked skirts and dresses (not much now because I dislike having my legs exposed and the feeling of the dress brushing against my legs (I know, very autistic (I'm borderline))), I loved barbie, especially the movies, I disney princesses and zoozoopets, etc etc. And for the time I thought I was a tomboy until I realised that no matter the gender, I can like anything I like. What I like doesn't define my gender. What does is how I see myself and how I feel about my body. I'm proud of my body, could lose some fat and weight but I'm proud to be a woman. The only times I think about what it would be like to be a guy is how they handle the bit between their legs on a daily basis and how I would dress myself up as my ideal guy. I like guys. Why wouldn't I want to be the prettiest guy that I can look at every time I look in a mirror? Still can't comprehend the bit between their legs tho. Like, how does that not bother them?

The fact that they would beat and murder people for being gay before might have something to do with the younger generation feeling more comfortable expressing themselves

Soo there is just basically mor femboys and tomboys . Honestly good for them . At least they are happy (edit ) yes I know that there is a difference between gender and gender expression . I hope I didn't offend anyone

thank you dr mike for having an actually informed person speak about this

That’s not being trans. That’s just not being who fits into the narrow slice of people who we think of as embodying the perfections of manliness or womanliness. It is frankly harmful to categorize that as being “other” rather than expanding our definitions of what it is to be a woman or man.

I understand what's being said here and all I can say is if I ever had kids which I dont plan on doing I wouldn't react any sort of way if I had a girl or boy and whilst growing up they showed any interest in what's either supposed to just be girl or boy stuff whatever would catch their interest I'd let em try it out or talk to them about it so they understand and also let them try it out if we as a society stopped doing this in the first place perhaps kids who at least don't have gender dysphoria and such wouldn't use the labels as well just to avoid the societal pressure we inadvertently end up placing on any individual because we see their gender or think we do and then act or speak based on that around them lets just let people be people

That will save a lot of traumas. I was a very happy kid and love dancing so badly, so of course I would be called names, and then I did some drag as a young kid, all of that because I loved arts from the begging, dancing, singing, acting, but I loved soccer and Trains and swimming, hiking. Having no labels from the beginning would be the best, not being called gay would save a lot of lifes and life decisions, thanks to my family they are the best and never judged me, and I became this ballet dancer and ate the world, later on I became a business man, and I really dont think about myself as a gender, I think I am a human and thats it, and I can do whatever I want with my body. Respect is the ultimate validation we need.

Well yes! Not every trans person wants to change their body. They simply want to non adhere to societal expectations of being male or female

So in layman terms, they just want to be different because they need attention

Just as gay/bi becoming safer publicly, reporting increases and caps at a low percentile, it should be no surprize with trans.

If non-binary was a thing when I was in school, I would be non-binary. I honestly would be a she/they.

As a 46 yo trans woman ,this makes a ton of sense. Although in my day, late 90's, we just described ourselves as "non conformist" "gender queer" or "genderfuck" or just plain old "punk AF". Adding them to the trans category is confusing kids, especially when i see detransition videos. How they pass the therapy session's is wild to me especially very young people.

That’s me! I identify as agender, but I’m still completely fine with presenting very masculine, the way I was born. I love being feminine, androgynous, and masculine, and I’m very glad I live in a day and age where that is more accepted. I personally don’t feel like any gender, whether it’s binary or not. In my mind, I fit into nothing, so I am just agender.

Sometimes we have to remember that its not always a trans case but rather an untreated mental health struggle. for example, a tomboy girl doesn’t fit in with the other girls at school and feels extremely lonely and left out, leaving her depressed and questioning “why am I like this? I seem to get along better with the boys, they just get me more. The girls are just fashion and makeup weirdos. I wish I was a boy.” this happened to me when I was a child but the whole issue was lack of mental support and guidance counselling because I was having difficulty adjusting to a new school and was struggling with my personal identity in terms of how I cut my hair or what clothes I wore and gender stereotypes in society But once I gained the proper guidance from my family, I understood that no I am not trans, I don’t have to be same as other girls to be friends with them and enjoy school. I can be unfeminine and still be a happy girl. Kids often get lost like this during early puberty/teen years because thats when “gender” starts to become more mentally and physically defined and without proper mental support and guidance the kid could get lost and end up depressed.

The thing about the non binary catergory is that it actually reenforces traditional gender roles even more and nobody identifies with them 100%. I wish we would rather eleminate traditional gender roles than creating subcategories like non binary.

I think the usage of gender to describe whether someone prescribes to gender norms is a result of the sociological "theory" of gender which says that gender is not inherent to a person and that the "default" is genderless, because the only evidence for that is related to gender norms and not actual gender. The brain forms differently (male vs female) based on the hormones that a fetus recieves when they are in the womb, so the surprisingly widely accepted "theory" is completely incorrect. As far as I know, a transgender person occurs when their brain forms opposite of what their body does, which is not common knowledge, but should be.

Every kid is like that in some way. You may grow out of it, it may be circumstantial, or it’s a part of your personality. A lot of people are like that and they are happy with themselves but would like the world to get along with their expression more in situations that don’t have to be so serious. That’s is not trans and it’s disingenuous to say your trans. If your not transitioning anything and are happy with your body you are not trans. I am not trans but you could place me with the description given. I will never say I’m trans because I’m not a part of that and am not seeking procedures that would make me trans. Just because a lot of people are different from each other does not mean that can be placed in lgbt categories. Those categories should be split up as well since that have no relation. You have orientation and trans in one category and lump in tomgirls as trans while ignoring tomboys all the while your only missing two other categories of straight people. Tomgirls and tomboys are straight and “normal” people and should not be assumed gay or trans by any categorization. That is a separate category that is not predicated but work in conjunction with your personality. Personally and identity are two separate things. Gender studies lumps them together along with many separate categories that becomes confusing, unnecessary and misleading. Just because I have some feminine personality traits why would that ever give me the the right to identify with the trans flag? If you are not a girl but dress like one does that make you trans, no. It’s your identity that’s being expressed but you are not transitioning your actual gender through procedures. If that’s not how you would define trans then the majority of people would all be at least a little bit trans because of societal defined masculine and feminine characteristics. This is dangerous because “trans care” is an umbrella term that encompasses many different and separate complex issues but the left advertises it as one thing. How can people come to a better understanding of the topics and issues if you shove it under the same umbrella. You force unrelated scrutiny onto topics that are a non issue. Why would trans care include identity, personality, and therapy for people who are very much okay with themselves. They’re not seeking to transition so don’t categorize them in the same fashion. It’s confusing and does not help it politically or generally.

I am really glad to hear that more kids are happy with the way their bodies are. That extra self condifence is going to help them flourish as themselves. It is absolutely ok to be different and to express yourself differently. Kids don't need the additional pressure of "you need to look this way" to be human.

I do agree with what you say here, many kids who identify as trans are still figuring out their gender identity and they see the term as the closest to define how they feel. However (after seeing some misconceptions in the comment section) I would like to add that gender is a very wide spectrum, and sometimes not wanting medical intervention doesn't necessarily mean identifying with your assigned gender. I am genderfluid, and although on what I call my "masc days" I sometimes think about getting top surgery and feel the need to wear a binder, overall I'm content with my body and I don't want any operations. Would I call myself trans? Yes, but just on some days, if that makes sense. I move through the spectrum a lot. The thing is, if a young kid finds themselves somewhere in this spectrum that isn't given a label (or maybe they don't know about the specific label yet) it's only natural that they would choose the closest name available for their situation. If I had known about trans people in middle school I assure you I would've identified as one straight away! Going up to a kid and telling them that if they don't feel the need to get major surgery in the future it means they are cis gender is nonsense. Also yes, gender isn't tied to societal norms or expectations per se, but it's still forced onto people since they are incredibly young with the help of said norms. As I child I was told I couldn't do A LOT of activities I wanted to take part in because "this stuff isn't for girls", and I'm far from being the only one. Being aware of the fact that I didn't fit into the standard that was expected of me was the first sign that made me start to realise I was different on a deeper level, but I finally figured out my gender identity much much later; basically I had to wait until my brain had developed far enough. So for a child it's completely normal to have a "placeholder" gender identity, they are still too young to know for sure if the reason they don't fit in is physically related to gender or not! And that is completely OK. Labels after all are just names we give things to help us figure out the world! All identities are valid, no matter if they are clearly defined and catalogued or not! Finally, to all the people who say "children don't need this, they'll just get confused!", let me tell you something: they wouldn't be confused about the existence of identities outside the binary ones if you just got them used to the idea at a young age! If you tell them their whole life that there are only the "two genders", blue is for boys, pink is for girls and all that societal bs, of course they're going to be SO confused when they learn that all of that is not actually true! I don't plan on having kids personally, but if I ever do I'm sure I'll make sure to educate them on how different humans can be, and I'll support them no matter what, cis or otherwise! Well that was a long comment! Thank you for coming to my ted talk i guess haha

So tomboys and more feminine that’s easy to not only understand but to support without making them feel like there’s something wrong with them

Gender dysphoria IS NOT the biggest symptom of being trans, gender euphoria is. Yes, maybe some kids use non binary because they still don't see the difference with being nom binary or being gender non comforming or being just outside of the society expectations, but someone without dysphoria can still be trans.

Plus, it's just safer nowadays.

Perhaps the reason more are coming out as trans, is cause they won’t be beaten simply for being trans as much as they were in the past. There is still an immense and horrendous amount of transphobia/homophobia/(whatever else) but it’s getting better over time. Which is overall good for everyone.

Kid's shouldn't be thinking about their Gender wtf is up with this world.

When I was growing up sex and gender were synonymous and smashing stereotypes was the "woke". Which im fully behind that, you can have a female mechanic and a male nurse. I don't understand how we moved away from that positive progress to this mess we have now that confuses everyone and lines Dupont and Plastic surgeons pockets.

If parents wouldn't force their kids into boxes, it wouldn't be an issue.

Yeah, I do not fill the societal expectations and it doesn't make me any less of a woman. I just have my own definition of who woman is. Not every woman acts and looks the same, why just because you don't follow the stereotype you need to call yourself special?

Wait. Are you saying there is a bunch of teenagers that are unsure where they fit in and what society is asking of them? Shocking!

You can be Non-binary and experience gender dysphoria

Thank you !!!! As a genderfluid kid/(idk if i count as a kid i just turned 18💀) i still get a lot of gender dysphoria but I still don't want gender affirming surgeries because I think it wouldn't help ❤

This is incredibly similar to the early to mid 2000s when teenagers used mental illness as a device for their teenage antics and angst. I know because I watched it happen. I was diagnosed w/severe manic depression as a teenager and was medicated for it and sought therapy. I cannot tell you how many people said things like "I'm so bipolar", "I'm so hyper, I must be adhd" and have absolutely no idea the trauma that truly mentally ill people go through in their own heads on a daily basis. The same goes for people who deal with gender dysphoria, I imagine it can be super invalidating to see people who are just fine with themselves use the same descriptors and definitions you use to explain your issues.

Has ANYONE considered the possibility that being in an environment obsessed with gender, gender roles etc that’s causing the anxiety to begin with? It sounds to me like “traditional gender roles” is being portrayed as something EXPECTED of a person of a particular gender when in fact it is no more than a statistic showing trends in choices people make in all types of subjects, same can be done for age, nationality, race, list goes on.

This exactly is what I see happening to a lot of the teenagers in our community. It explains it perfectly in words that I didn’t have before hearing this. Thank you for sharing.❤❤❤❤

new generation forgot the term 'tomboy' smh

I think our society, at least in the US, is poised for a very stark and very fast upheaval. I estimate that in 10 years or less, societal expectations of gender will be turned into something completely new and only barely reminiscent of the norms I was indoctrinated into. And ya know what? I welcome that. I can't speak to women's experiences, but I know being expected to have no emotions except anger is absurd!

Take away gender social norm, then we wont have this problem. Normalize people liking what they like. People can like whatever music, tv shows, color, hobbies, clothing, etc they want. What you like does not define your gender. It is what it is… All I ask and many others, is that what you like does not consist malice, physically/emotionally/mentally is not hurting someone (ex abuse, r*pe, making fun of, etc), or destruction.

It is exactly like the teen girls of my youth who were 'eating disorder' patients after throwing up once at a part after six beers.