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I wish all parents did some inner work before they become parents.

It's really heartbreaking learning that your parents may have subconsciously belittled or verbally abused you growing up because they suffered the same thing in their own childhood, and they may not even recognise it as abuse.

A lot of these people know exactly what they're doing, they just don't care because since children have almost no agency and are seem as the parent's property, they think they'll face no consequences from that behaviour. Fast forward a few years, and the now grown up children want nothing to do with their toxic parents anymore (and they wonder why no one calls or wants to visit them).

Bullying children is such a common thing where I come from, that if you try to help the child, you are attacked. Recently I witnessed a mother slap her baby. The baby started crying and was gasping for breath. When I went to speak to the woman and said, "you know this is abuse, right?" it triggered her and she started yelling at me. I was new in this place, and had moved during the pandemic, so I did not know anyone yet. This woman started a defamation campaign against me, garnering support from her friends, and spent the entire day ranting against me on the community whatsapp group. She called ME dangerous. All this because I had tried to defend her baby when she had been bullying it.

Childhood is considered to be the most dangerous time in life. 🥺

Realising that parents often hurt their kids because someone once hurt them was such a pivotal lesson for me and helped a lot with the healing process

"I'm not awful, something awful happened to me." Hits hard

To all the parents out there. Never relate or associate love and care with bullying, cursing and insulting!!!!

It seems a popular idea to absolve people of the harm they've cause their children because 'they were hurt too', or 'they didn't realise what they were doing'. Perhaps in some mild cases, but in cases like mine where there was a couple of decades of bullying (and more), the parent makes a conscious decision over a long period of time to take out their frustrations on their child, to feel powerful by making someone else feel weak and humiliated. It is deliberate, and the damage is caused on purpose - many parents cannot control this sadistic impulse that arises from a defect in character and personal failures. There are no excuses for bullying your own child, and I don't think anyone does it by accident.

"You think your better than me?" Weirdly too many of these parents think that this is good parenting, namely because they were told it was how good parenting is done by their own bullies, and they never questioned it

I’m so scared of doing anything like this to my children

My experience - I was bullied and abused by both parents. Abuse - sexual, physical, emotional, mental from both parents. My father began the sexual abuse on me when I was a baby of only two weeks old and continued right through into my adult years. I thought that was what parents did, I didn’t know it was abuse, I knew it hurt, that I was scared every single time, that I hated every touch - my mother joined in (under his control) and was made to do things no mother should ever do to a child. . (In my 40s when I finally recognised that it was sexual abuse, I told my Aunt + she instantly believed me. She told me that she had changed my diaper when I was 2-3 weeks old + there was blood etc + my father yelled at her for changing me + forbade her from ever changing me again. She was scared to interfere so never did anything at the time, but when I went to the police at age 42 she became a witness). Anyway, apart from the sexual abuse, the beatings, being starved, I was forced to eat everything on my plate, even if my cold mash potato made me vomit, my mother would mix my vomit into the mash potato and force me to eat it until my plate was clean. I believed I was stupid, ugly, because I’d constantly hear that my sister was the pretty one, my brother was the clever one, and I was the baby because I’d sit on the floor rocking back n forth, from toddler years right through to adulthood. Eventually, over time, I found out my father came from a sexually abusive family - all siblings (8) were sexually n physically abused by their father / my mother came from a family where her father was very strict but died when she was 11. My father was many years older than her (16) and started dating her when she was 13 and he was 29. Her mother was depressed due to her husbands sudden death so one less child to look after didn’t matter. Hence my father groomed my mother from the onset, hence her incapacity to be strong and confront him when she knew exactly what he was doing to me. By going to the Police and then through them, they arranged for therapy for me, I began to slowly recognise I needed to give myself permission to be safe, to be nurtured, to say No, no you will not abuse me anymore. Once I knew the police had ample evidence to charge my parents, I wrote to them to let them know I will no longer see them. I politely and calmly wrote about how I recognised that the abuse they did to me was not my fault, it was theirs. I let them know I will no longer keep their secrets, I will always speak out. I will become strong, safe, healthy - not because of them and not because of what they did to me, but I would become strong because I deserve to be and I had been strong from the day of my birth because I survived. Survived over 34 /thirty four years of constant abuse. I promised them that I would not just survive from then on, but I would thrive. I would rise up, fly, soar because I had the truth and their truth was out too. They could no longer hide behind our fake perfect family. The evidence was overwhelmingly strong. When they both died, I never went to their funerals. My brother n sister did. They remained controlled by them, even though they were older than me. My name wasn’t / isn’t on either parents tomb stone - my siblings didn’t put me on it as they wanted to have me invisible in the family history as it was too painful for them to face, knowing I’d told the police etc. I have never visited the graves. My aunt went one day, and let me know. I went 10 years without seeing speaking to my mother before her death and 19 for my father. I do not regret it. I had to take control of my life. I had to find my voice, to be safe, to learn how to connect to my emotions. I only went to the police in order to protect my nieces nephews from being abused in all ways. I never made a big public scene or a big family scene. Just quietly went to the police and they quietly gathered evidence. Then I sent my letter, which now that I think about it, I am surprised at how incredibly polite I was in my letter. How calm I was. How I didn’t even express anger or hate. I simply let them know the secrets were out and I was strong (etc). It’s strange what we are capable of surviving especially when we don’t recognise the war for what it is at the time, in those years of life, of growing.

i never bully my kids... i was so bullied by my parents i never even HAD kids

I also think this bullying/abusing towards children by their own parents happens, because said parents take out their childhood “revenge” on their children, to avoid being jealous of their children’s lives, privileges and choices, that the parents themselves were never able to have or weren’t allowed to have.

Even as a grown up they still bully me. I remain a child forever.

My parents haunt me, they really do. Compared to so many other abuse stories, I don't even think my experiences were 'that' bad. It was how they made me feel. My Dad was so hateful, I remember around aged 11 things taking a turn where I felt he hated on me constantly. My mum used to complain about us arguing all the time, even threatening half-heartedly to leave as if I wasn't a child but an equal partner in the verbal abuse. I had strict rules, like not being allowed to leave the house or see friends, not shower in the morning for waking him up. Eventually he had me take out a bank account which he had control of and took my student finance and loans for 'keep'. I told him I wanted my freedom at 18 and he told me nothing would change. Only by dropping out of uni and throwing everything away did I escape. He belittled absolutely everything I enjoyed, banned me from talking about them because they were 'boring'. In my early teens I used to go to bed holding a pillow over my head hoping I wouldn't wake up, it just makes me so sad for that person because she is my foundation and I am now a mess of an adult that I can't see recovering. I have severe anxiety, depression at times and I don't feel I've achieved anything of worth. They used to tell me all the time about how the 'real' world was going to be a shock because I wouldn't cope and they were so right, but I can't help but feel they had a huge part in that. :-(.

My father suffered abuse as a child, and his depression shows itself as anger. It took years for him tae get therapy and even admit he had depression. He's in a much better place now.

I'm from Türkiye and this video touched a chord with me. My old-school parents were just the type of parents described in this video. I've alternated between hating and loving them because of what they did to my self-esteem and confidence. My adolescence years were a constant revolt against my "fate", full of red-hot fury that consumed all my vital energy. It took me a lot of years and lots of reading to finally understand that they just imitated what their parents had done to them. I realized that they were also victims in their own way. I was only the latest victim of a vicious cycle. Did this epiphany reduce my pain and depression? No. But my anger subsided over time and I came to "understand" (but not forgive) them. Unfortunately the scars I sustained during my childhood are still taking a severe toll on my psyche.

My whole family was in on it, I was definitely the black sheep. Parents, siblings, grandparents, aunties, uncles, cousins. If they weren’t actively bullying me, they we enabling it to happen and to continue to happen My best revenge and act of defiance has been remaining true to myself and not conforming to their screwed up ideologies

Excellent video. I was bullied my my mother and grandmother every single day since I can remember until aged 21 when i finally left. Took me about 10 years of therapy to truly grasp on an emotional and not just intellectual level that there was never, ever anything wrong with me. And even though I now feel a lot of compassion towards my mother and her own suffering, I absolutely can't stand the mere thought of having her near me. I went no contact eleven years ago, and honestly don't think I will ever speak to her again.

It is not only parents who bully their children although that's terrible. Generally people inflict misery on others as a form of reserving happiness to themselves by exporting outside themselves. I recall here Jean Paul Sartre's famous quote: "Hell is other people."

My mom is my biggest bully. I cannot get over this fact.

" I haven't done anything wrong, something wrong done to me " This hit hard.

Sometimes I get surges of anger towards my parents for how they treated me, and I can’t express that anger to anyone otherwise I get further criticized/ostracized. My anger is so great against them that I feel like breaking things and ripping someone’s head off, but I have to tolerate it and live with it. I gotta forgive them and move on, but they always will stay in denial.

"How dare you to hurt me" Says mom who got rightfully affected by the consequences of her actions.

This is why therapy should be a thing for everyone. Not everyone are fit to be parents and most people won't know that until the damage has been done.

Love these conversations and videos so much. In society (esp. in India), parents are often seen as some form of Gods or flawless beings and even if they do something wrong, you're supposed be okay with it. These conversations put well how they are humans as well and are affected by other humans and situations. BUT that doesn't make you liable to bear abuse from them just because they brought you here without your consent.

It is possible the parent is insecure and doing it to make themself feel better. However, some people are just mean and sadistic and they enjoy watching others suffer.

Whenever I blame my flaws, insecurities or mental health on my parents, I am always told, "you need to stop blaming others for everything". But it IS their fault. We don't magically just become who we are. Events that happened to us caused us to become who we are. It's not my fault that I am the way I am, but it's my responsibility to deal with it. One way I do that is to try to make my parents understand the way I've felt and the way they've hurt me. Because then they might not at least continue to hurt me. Or they might admit their faults and that they were in the wrong, which would make me feel like I might not be as stupid that they try to make me believe I am

Yes, unfortunately...I was bullied by my parents, and now also my in-laws for some reason. It took me quite a long time in my 30s to realise it's more about them than it's about me...And to grief I didn't have supportive people around me. My further self-love and achievements are in spite of them, not because of them.

"The fear contains an imprint of the unconscious history." Very very wise words as always

My late grandfather bullied my dad as a kid and even as an adult until he passed on. Unfortunately my dad is using his traumatic upbringing to be toxic to his immediate family, especially his kids. Sometimes he doesn't even know it, he just gets verbally abusive. It even got to a point where I threw a bottle of alcohol at him just to shut him up. I regret doing that afterwards, but not because of what I did, but by what his behavior is making me do: resort to violence. 😔

I actually noticed how my cousin laughs at her (7 & 4 year old) children's mishaps, not when it comes to stuff like school or something, but e.g. when we play games together and the children make silly mistakes. I found it always quite funny until I realised about two days ago, that this is very cruel for a parent to do. So I promised myself to not do this to my future children

Every new parent should aim to be better to their children than their own parents were to them.

My parents were very bossy. They always tried to remind me that they were "better" than me because they were the adults and when I told them what they were doing wrong, they went: we are the adults, we can do whatever we want but you don't have to do it because we tell you that you don't have to. Do what we say but not what we do. Once my dad told me he was my "god" because he gave me food. Guess what? Now I don't even help them when they need me because when I did, they didn't care or only care the first few times. I treat them the same way they treated me and they wonder why I'm doing it and why I'm not thankful for everything I have. This is my face -_-

bullying runs in my family. both my parents, my brother, my grandparents on both sides, and basically all of my extended family are all bullies, seem to all enjoy teasing and embarrassing people. I have severe ADHD and I am autistic, so I suffer from a trait of both called Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria. RSD makes embarrassment turn into utter mortification, so being bullied and teased by my family had me suicidal by the time I was about 5. I was undiagnosed with both autism and ADHD until adulthood due to parental neglect. moral of the story: don't do this to your kids.

And the main reason why this is not so easy is that we still feel we are falsely accusing others. We feel that what has been done is correct and we are perhaps bad for reasons we don't know or will never know. We are made to believe we are paranoid. This is like being stuck between two mirrors - a false reflection and another re-reflection of that falsity.

It took me a very, very long time to realize what my mother had been doing to me my entire life. The belittling, the teasing, the name calling...when I moved out at 16 she started sending me books on "How to Stop Being Negative, Angry, and Mean." (One actual title btw) When I turned 18 I finally cut her off for good!

My mother emotionally abused and bullied me as a child and now I'm 39 with 0 self-esteem

This is why I get anxious when I see ppl having children just cos society requires it. Children are fragile and they need emotional, psychological and physical care but most ppl think that's too much work. My suggestion? Don't have kids if you can't handle them, don't let them society make you something you're not

Still whatever reason, they do still harm their children and it will never be justified. If our own parents never cared to treat us with kindness, respect and love, then how are we supposed to find our own healing and get out of the hell and depression we have been set up to deal with since birth?

3:48 I’m 65 years old and have been in and out of counseling many times, and I still struggle with the damage my parents inflicted on me.

Needed this. The main wedge I and my father's relationship is that he bullies me. If it's not my hair (which is ironic, given that is resembles his hair when he was my age), it's my hobbies and interests, if it's not that, it's my career choice. Nothing is safe from being mocked by him.

I was bullied by my mother and grandmother from a very young age. I was constantly body-shamed. I grew up hating my appearance and being ashamed of my body. Now that I'm older, I do realize that it was just projection of their own insecurities, but it doesn't make it any less hurtful. I'm still working on trying to except myself for who am and I'm trying to live a healthy and active lifestyle. I'm just trying to focus on my health (in all areas of my life) instead of just my appearance.

I was bullied and abused by my parents and extended family so badly that I live with CPTSD. Healing is a life long journey but totally worth it. I cut all ties with them, I refuse to be a punching bag or make another person one as well. The buck stops here

My ex wasn’t faithful, and my dad took his side, and blamed me for everything that went wrong. I messed up my marriage, I am messing up my kids leaving him, and I’m the one who is crazy and needs to see help for not thinking like him. It took 4 therapists over 5 years asking why I don’t leave my ex before I did, my kids saw it coming and are happier now, and I pity my dad because I do understand how he thinks. I’m not even a factor with him, he only sees himself in my ex and replays his own divorce and childhood. So yeah, fuck seeking love from other people. At this time, I’m better alone to heal and learn to love myself in the ways no one else has.

Thank you for making this video. People need to know there are way too many pathetic excuses for parents out there. And yeah, many of these douch-bag parents were abused as children. But still NEVER AN EXCUSE to just pass that demon on.

Father was violent and verbally abusive , mother was extremely verbally cruel . Started asking myself when I was 12 if what she was saying about me was actually true. She’d call me fat when I was borderline anorexic . Luckily I just thought she was crazy but it made me wonder if the other nasty things she’d say about me were true. And it bled over to questioning my father’s ridiculous misogynistic behavior as well. It did mean that I spent my adolescence in constant battles with 2 toxic immature punitive people which also wasn’t good for me .

I'm 43 and while talking to my s.o. I realized that everything truly horrific that happened to me, both in childhood and adulthood was a consequence of either direct actions from my mother, or me following her advice. AS a child and young adult I couldn't vocalize why I deeply hated her so much. As a full grown adult, intensely looking back at my life and finding the root cause of trauma, it always pointed back to her. Everytime, my life would start even remotely going positive, she'd sabotage is in the most direct and obvious way she could. At 33 I cut her out of my life for good and miraculously, things were easy and good changes actually stuck. There seems to be a misconception that "blaming your parents" isn't valid. But in a society where 25 year olds can't even buy a car or rent an apartment without a parents signature, Then YES, if your life sucks...its most likely your parents fault, if its good then its also because of them.

Right on. Realized last year my parents still bully and degrade me - even now as an adult when I’m indisputably more capable, knowledgeable, and able to effectively navigate the world than are they - simply because it is an ego boost to do that and feel superior; it eases their own insecurities and anxieties. They think it’s benign and that there’s no need to be respectful to their own children, but it’s effectively ended our relationship because I’m no longer naive enough to think I have a duty to be the bigger person and fix / maintain my relationship with them as well as take care of them. I wish I had loving parents that I could be loving towards, but I’m no longer willing to be mistreated in order to keep things kosher w them.

If you were bullied by a parent, what form did it take? Let us know in the comments below

I lived inside the gaslamp as a child. They had no idea they were doing it, and you have no idea how ridiculous gaslighting can get. I tried using recordings, but its like they couldn't hear them. It made me harder to get along with, because being gaslit at every level 100% of the time means that you cant show any signs of weakness. The gaslighter is just searching for cracks they can force insecurity and doubt into. You have to be a literal ironclad of resolve and confidence and instantly and without delay go to war over every challenge to prove it. At the same time, you need to make sure your never caught being wrong, because if your ever wrong one time and don't immediately admit it, it will be weaponized against you for years. (starting to notice a similar pattern in politics) As a result of having grown up like that, I actually function better in toxic environments than healthy ones. To extend the metaphor, I feel more comfortable in the rain than in sunny weather. I really am a product of my environment at this point. I eventually started noticing a whole slew of ultra subtle self sabotaging behaviors as a result of that. Like how I would make toxic friends and try to create a healthy environment around them just to see if all the toxic person needed was that healthy environment. Half and half results overall, but ultimately they were what they were. No one will change unless they first tell themselves it needs to happen, or are essentially tortured by reality into it. I wasnt doing myself any favors though. The really unhelpful side effect is my ability to camouflage. I cant even feel my own stress, sickness, or emotions that might indicate weakness most of the time. The good news is this makes me incredibly good at intimidating wild animals (lol). I think the only reason I still have them is because I realized at some point I was suppressing them and desperately tried to preserve them in a glass box. But I cant tell you if I am stressed. To an observer, I look absolutely fine, because I can believe the lie. One time I pushed myself so hard, I just lost the ability to see and lost all motor skills. I dropped like a sack. As I was almost unconscious, I decided I was probably pushing too hard and to pull back on the levers. My vision came back and I got motor skills again. Thats when I realized mind over matter is a lie. The stress is real, even if I dont know about it. It also makes it so my trust for unverified sources (aka, everyone I havent verfied myself) is nill. Trying to grow back in the other direction is hard, especially in this society. Those are very much strengths when dealing with predators. I think it might not just be my childhood, but also society. My point, and why I shared all this, is that there are ULTRA subtle side effects to defences youve built up over your childhood, and you wont notice their there without really focusing. But they directly affect your health, so you should do everything you can to figure them out.

my mother got a great laugh out of smothering me in deep snow and drowning me in water when i was a small boy.. it made me feel helpless and enraged. i never understood why she would do that and have fun doing it.

I always interpreted this phenomenon not as the parent trying to externally project blame for their own stupidity per se, but more along the lines of the parent being afraid their child will turn out like them and going too far to enforce the opposite

Both my parents do, and when I say it's abuse. They start with the gaslighting and guilt trips.

“Not every child has the endurance and fearlessness to go on searching until it comes to the kindliness that lies beneath the surface. You can only treat a child in the way you yourself are constituted.” ― Franz Kafka, Letter to His Father

i can't thank the people behind this channel enough for this video and the past few videos with the similar topic. it's been really helpful for me to try to recognize about what the actual problem is

Reminds me of my father. I cannot love him, but knowing (or maybe even worse, not knowing) what kind of things he was put through makes me want to cry for him. Or at least cry for the little boy he once was.

Abusive or negligent parents all learn those ways from someone too; the change starts with those watching this video

One of many things was my mother saying I’m just like my dad, after spending every waking moment telling me how awful he is

I can so relate. I spent my childhood and part of my teen years being afraid of my father. He was so psychologically and emotionally abusive that it came to a point where I couldn't be in the same room with him. My mom wasn't abusive but she was never supportive either. She's just there but not there for me.

This make es so much sense and make me look back to all the times my family members verbally bully me

It’s worse with a Narcissist parent like I had to deal with growing up, cause they’re lost even further in the delusion that they’re not to blame

Being made fun of by one’s parent can be embarrassing on account of this adult is competing with a child and the older “wiser” one is staking their self-worth. You let them win and keep distance, the instability is painful to watch. Board games, any kind of game is dangerous. They offshore their feelings onto others so responsibility for their hurt is carried by the kid or really whoever is closest.

I recently lost my Father and am struggling through the grief process, having become confusingly numb. My Dad was definitely a bully to me, as was my Mom. I think that's why I can't be sad about his passing. He can't hurt me anymore.

This is why I want to make sure I've done the work, before raising a kid. A lot is beginning to change in parenting culture, and the knowledge that treating a child with respect is the best way is slowly growing. I hope that I can one day contribute to that.

This video resonated with me as I am coming to the realization, thanks to my fiancé, that this was done to me; and is still being done. It’s painful, and my relationship with my family is suffering, but I won’t go back to believing a lie.

I was thinking about it a lot, and I'm honestly tired of defending my mother with the thought that "someone bullied her too." Somehow, I learned from my pain not to hurt others. While she just preferred to take it out on me. I don't think I'm going to talk to her again, and I don't even feel sorry for her because this is the result of her actions.

Too many parents, too many children...

My dad bullied me when I had depression and the meds, lack of exercise and overeating made me gain weight. I was in shock every time it happened, not knowing how to respond, and very hurt, humiliated, and confused that my dad, who loves me so much, would do that to me, especially knowing the conditions which led to my weight gain. It wasn't anything truly mean, just mocking, little jabs to make me feel self-conscious. Even tho I confronted him, it continued. Years later, we stumbled upon this topic during a random conversation, and he said he didn't realize it hurt me THAT much, and that he only did it because he wanted me to not lose track of the fact that I'm gaining weight, abandon any thought of losing it eventually, and probably gain a bunch more (very possible at the rate that I was going), because he knew it would only add to my issues and my depression if I were to put more weight on. I believe him. He had good intentions, it's just sad that that is how society teaches people to motivate others into losing weight - shaming. I didn't lose the weight because of it. It just got me more depressed (ironically, given his motivation for making me lose weight), and it made me have a period of trying a bunch of unhealthy diets, followed by binges and self-hate, repeat. When I eventually lost the weight, it was on my own terms, because I wanted it, not because I was shamed into it.

I don’t have children, just students, but is this why the pupils who annoy me the most are those with the same flaws I had as a student?

"fear contains the imprint of unconscious history" hits hard

My sister critisizes her son daily and she passes her trauma to him and looking at him now he looks depressed and he is only 6 years and she forces him to read daily. It's sad because there's nothing I can do I tried talking to her about how she treats her only child but went to deaf ears. Ive given up. I've got my own children to raise and my focus is on them not another person who doesn't take corrections

I love Alain's voiceovers! His voice is so soothing :)

It took me over 3 decades to understand I was constantly bullied by my father, another 3 years to be able to describe what happened with words.

this channel is saving my mental health

It has something to do with feeling like an authority who has the right to dish out insults. It apparently helps to process the past trauma by finally being on the opposite side. They don't feel like the victim anymore (even if just for a moment) because they are the bully. It's despicable even if it's done unonsciously. If you created life, you need to work on yourself.

It’s sad that so many people can say that their parents where their first bullies.

Honestly, this make a lot of sense. I think this can explain my insecurities and difficulty with self love and acceptance... But this is another step towards healing. Thank you School of life

I realized I was gaslighted by my own mother from Brittney Lee's "Toxic Mother" video. She has been going back and forth with me, calling me stupid and now I am not. She does all the physical abuses, including choking her children and beating one of us with a broom. Even though she protected me from other kids bullying, her constantly insulting, manipulating, and beating me makes her the biggest bully I still put up with. This video helped made me see it more clearly than ever. I see it all now.

My father was a child of divorce and was tossed between two new families where the new sons had greater affection, and he had to compete for his mothers love. He viewed me as the 'male' competition for the woman of the house from the time I was an infant until I moved out of the home. Once I was no longer a "competitive threat" in his home, he treated me wonderfully as a peer. My mother had a twisted view of money. When she saw signs from an early age that I had the potential to become a massively successful artist, she did her best to suppress that from happening by attacking my self esteem with a negative comment whenever I completed a new painting. When I confronted her about this (at 16 years old), she said "Well if you become too wealthy and successful, you'll be drawn away from God. Recently I learned just how badly that affected me, so I confronted her and successfully got her to stop that behavior. Now my chains are unbound and I'm on my way in my art career.

The difference ‘I hope’ between my parents and me and my young son, is that I try to connect with him and with that connection ensure I boost him rather than belittle and dominate him, I feel it in my gut, if I open up to my parents they don’t seem to be able to help themselves pour salt in rather than hold back some of their negativity and boost me when I’d love their genuine support, we seem to get by, by me shielding my inner thoughts to placate them, for them they lose a genuine connection, they get a tiny fraction of me, it’s bizarre, I just think some people are so broken they coast to the finishing line of their life with no will or energy to change, it’s their comfort zone and exposing it all is just something they are unwilling to do, even if they too could gain from genuine full connections

"We're not bad people, we just come from a bad place."

Great video. I think the bullying by parents is that even though they may have been able to hide their feelings of inadequacy they fear that their children are exposing it to the world. I was raised by to mentally ill parents that did a lot of damage to me and my siblings. As an adult I look at it that I was given bad programming and it is up to me to learn and get better programming for myself. So far it is working quite well.

This hit too deep for me 😭😭 it's like you're talking about me

This is as good as it gets. Very timely for me. Thanks...

To become an adult and parent requires knowing thyself; introspection, facing the worst or best of yourself, and embracing your own problems and how to grow out of them!!! So much homework to do! If not…. Kids will be in absolute suffering just absorbing what their parents are saying as kids do not have the capability to defend themselves and their consciousness is built by surrounded people… eventually kids become adults will dealt wthl their life tragic forever

I agree. My mum bully me verbally. I remember when I said to my mum that the food that she cooks was not delicious, therefore I told here that it was not delicious (not mean as an insult), I ask her politely yet she respond with angry. She got so angry like a demon comes from her mouth and she hit me with a hanger to the point I was laying on the ground. And after that she hit me with a broomstick and she screams "You are no longer my son!!!" It's still not over, my brother who he thought I did something wrong to my mother, he grabs my neck and choke me. I forgive my brother whom I know he felt guilty when realising that I had done no evil. But my mum... I cannot forgive her. I will pee at her grave one day... let this be my last revenge.

amazing video! As a person who had parents that were bullies this really hit home. It was super spot on about how bullied children take years to realize they've been bullied. Thanks so much for what y'all do!

this is why my parents tell me to have kids because this definitely was their method still is

I think the best solution for this is if you’re one of these kids when you grow up don’t procreate stop the cycle and let your parents cry themselves to sleep every night knowing it’s their fault that they are not grandparents

The awareness of such things can be plain and simple yet never easy to process and move forward from.

I work at a retail store. Every day, I encounter many parents using harsh treatment on their children, the way my mother used on me. I see the patterns everyday in new parents, and it breaks my heart.

These kind of videos make me feel compassionate about myself. They remind me why I sometimes don't like myself so much when in reality, it was actually my parent that implied that they didn't like me just because someone else did something to them back then.

I always love my parents and it will be forever but earlier i got to know that i have to fight with everything alone and no one is going to help you as you expected so now i don't expect anything from anyone not even to my parents. 🙃

My dad bullied me and when I was older he said it was because he thought I was a popular kid at school so he didn’t want me to become bigheaded… the reality was that by the time I went to school my self confidence was so low I wouldn’t speak and was seen as odd so kids picked on me and I was so used to it they wouldn’t get a response so it escalated to seeing how much they could hit/kick me without a response. At home I’d be attacked/insulted soon as I walked in from school. I’m glad my childhood is over but my father still thinks he was a great parent because his parents were “worse“.

Wow. Spot on. Best, most concise description I’ve heard

Also, when financial provisions are made, sometimes, there is a resentment when parents are told that they emotionally hurt or were neglectful to their kids. Then the response may be, "How ungrateful!" We have given you so much: material wise, but nothing of emotional comfort. Both are necessary for good parenting.

Having grown up with both my siblings bullied and manipulated by my father, seeing how that trauma turned them into reactive, self- destructive or just plain destructive narcissists, then watching how that narcissism has led to the breakdown of a marriage and severe lifetime drug dependency, it's very hard for me to see it from my father's point of view and to accept him doing that. In my head, I know that he learned it from his parents too, which means the chain of intergenerational childhood trauma must go back much more in his family... And that he was also a victim, the same as my siblings. But in my heart, seeing how all my brother's and sister's potential may have been fully squandered and given over to a life of endless suffering instead... It is hard for me to not despise what my dad did to them. Narcissism against children is probably one of the most fucked up things that can happen in this world, as I have also suffered from narcissistic abuse from another as an adult and know what it feels like.