Everybody always talks about having a back up plan “if he cheats”, “if he leaves you”, etc. You could be married to the most loyal, devoted, loving man and STILL need a backup plan. What if he gets cancer and dies? What if he’s permanently disabled in a car accident? Women need a backup plan REGARDLESS of their spouse’s character.

Damn, it hit hard when you said, “women are expected to work like they don’t have kids, and expected to raise children like they don’t work”. I think it hit the nail on the head, as not only are we expected to do both but we’re expected to balance everything, and STILL be perfect at both. I loved this video, especially that you were understanding and went deep into both sides of the topic! I could imagine you doing interviews/documentary style videos on topics like this in the future🙏

All young women need to be raised to aim to work to support themselves. It’s not just about divorce or cheating! This gives them the choice to stay single, or a means to survive if a partner is unemployed, long-term unwell, or passes away.

A little off point but I think the idea of the "simple" life is becoming increasingly attractive because the majority are so frustrated and jaded from working full time and not live comfortably or even being able to afford our own houses. Back in the day you would grind because there was an excellent chance of it paying off with a sense of independence, autonomy, freedom and security. Now we grind yet still live precariously. A friend who has worked full time since 2014 went into a bank to ask about a mortgage and they laughed at her. We've normalised laughing at people who spend 1/3 of their life working and want to own their own home. And we are talking about supposedly developed countries. It makes me feel like they're laughing at us from the top . No wonder a rejection of hustle culture is bubbling. This turned into a huge rant but anyway - not a tradwife here but yes to pushing against the system!

This content has been bothering me for a while. People who think women used to "not work" and were "taken care of" have a fundamental misunderstanding of history... We worked, we just weren't paid for it. We weren't "taken care of," we were controlled. Due to poor mental health, I've always struggled to take advantage of the freedoms afforded to me by feminist movements, but I'm thankful to even have the opportunity to work (for money) and spend/save my money how I like. And it's nice to be looked at as a human, not a doll or accessory. Also, ladies... YOU enjoying traditional gender roles doesn't mean that women "BELONG" anywhere. That is YOUR experience. We (humans, regardless of gender) are more complex than prescribed roles of any type could encapsulate.

My grandma who was a 1950s wife is the strongest and loudest advocate I know for women making their own money and having a means of supporting themselves independently of their husbands. Precisely because the realities of financial disempowerment and abuse are so real and equally devastating. She always said, whatever you do, protect yourself and your own interests.

This isn't traditional, this is fetishisation of a particular era and social structure. Tradition isn't static, it's constantly evolving and improving itself. Feminism is a natural and necessary part of the evolution of family traditions. It's necessary because if your tradition doesn't change it isn't a tradition, it's a museum.

The tradwife influencers are a really interesting niche. As a stay at home mom myself, I am very involved in the running of my home, my kids, cooking, cleaning etc. The tradwife influencers do these same tasks in a very performative way. It's all everyday things done in very unrealistic ways. "My husband was craving cereal, so I made it from scratch".. I've made homemade cereal, it's healthier and tastes great, but it's not something I'd do on the whims of someone's cravings. Remembering that they are influencers, creating an aesthetic, a narrative for their channel and that the things they are doing are for entertainment is very important. Just like I don't think that women who choose to work should be judged, women who choose to be homemakers shouldn't be judged, or lumped into this unrealistic "tradwife" category.

My mom was a real traditional house wife- dependant on my dad, never had her own money and no time to herself ever with 4 kids in 5 years. My dad always made it known HE made the money. When she made it possible but got so little credit. I'm a part time teacher and it's very important to me to have a job while also spending a lot of time with my kids and cooking a lot and doing all kinds of things for house and kids. It's the perfect combo for me. The "trad wife" content is confusing to me since they are working moms who do the same things we all do for our homes and kids.

In Germany, marriage was built to support the 1950s lifestyle: Married couples get rewarded if one partner works significantly less. (tax reduction) Since women still get paid less in most jobs, the consequence is that the woman will be the one to reduce her hours. Then if and when she gets pregnant, she will stop working altogether. Then, when couples break up, women are left with almost nothing. The number of women who end up in poverty because they get little to zero pension is alarming. Most of my friends who got married in their 20s are splitting up now, and I am seeing the true personality of men who I thought were decent. Suddenly they are even talking their former spouse into giving them the little amount of “pension points” they have. They are fighting so that their former wives have NOTHING. We cannot go into marriage with rose tinted glasses, it’s way too dangerous. If you get married, please make sure you have a contract that ensures your fair treatment in the worst case scenario. Nobody wants to think of these things, but the reality is that most marriages end in divorce. Better safe than sorry!

To me encouraging women to maintain skills and education that can be used to make money isn’t just in case of divorce. What if he gets sick or injured and can’t work?

A friend once pointed out that a lot of conservative attitudes especially around gender roles... kinda start to look like kink/fetish play when you really think about it. Like since he said that, I now can't comprehend how a trad wife "submitting to her husband" and "his house is his CASTLE and so he should feel like a KING" isn't just a sub/dom kink fantasy in different costumes and lighting... and with likely none of the consent and boundary awareness that is core to the actual kink community and acknowledging what it actually is you're doing here. Kink is not always sexual! Just food for thought 😅

This is so dangerous! I studied law and am writing an exam paper on this exact thing, the danger that comes with finances in domestic violence. This might seem amazing while the relationship is healthy and blossoming, but women seriously need to ask why *they* are the ones that have to show their love for their male partner and children by giving up their financial security! This is how women for decades and still, get stuck in domestic violence or stuck even in a relationship she wants put of even though it’s been healthy. Without money or employment and a career women aren’t eligable to get their own place unless it’s a super expensive rental from a private owner. They have to move often, due to those type of contracts tend to be short some months or up to 3 years at the most usually. To move cuts a big dent in the wallet too. She is not going to be able to find one single bank that will lend her the money, because she has no job of finances to show them. Many men use finances to string her along, which is impossible for her to escape unless she has friends or family that are willing or able to take in her (, and the kids if she has any because these men tend to never want to make it easy and have the kids living with him unless he wants to punish her and remove them from her because she wants to remove herself from him). This is why knowing why things changed in society and educate yourself on WHY women fought so hard to have rights. To know that childcare, a right to vote, and be allowed to be withing the work force etc. etc. etc. came out of protection and so much more for women. To run full throlle in to a full regression and act as if anything good or cleaver is being done by running the errands of men who wants to keep women tied to them as proerty like back in the days, is horrendous! It’s tragic that it’s also always to 99.9 % always the woman that is supposeto give up her life and live in isolation and see nothing more than the floor she’s mopping and her male partner and their children. As a woman I feel ashamed that so many of this young female generation willingly debate their right to have no rights and the older felame generation who applaud it because they have lived that way and live by the words of their man that ”a woman’s place is in the home”. I’m disgusted and saddened and have seen a ton of legal records during my education at uni. and during my internship how dangerous this is for women tied to domestic abuse in different variation (physical, sexual, financial, emotional, psychological, mentally, violence during and after the breakup process). We still in many countries have legal systems where women lose their children to abusive men because we live in a world that serves men, and if he says she has lost her marbles and is keeping the children from him she is deemed a non worthy parent in many court rooms and he will get custody. Then these children grow up and their lives are ruined because they share they were forced to grow up with a father/parent who regularly abused them. Because they have the custody they can deny the child any psychological right which means he determines tåwhat they know about the abuse he have them endure which these abusive men normalise and act as if they have done nothing wrng or nothing more than was needed. Please stay educated and understand history in order to make proper decisions for your life now and for the future you! Listen to the women before you who have shared they were promised financial safety and protection, only to have the man abuse them, cheat on them, demand an extreme amount of things from her because he financially provided for her. Be your own agent and don’t be fina cially dependent on anyone so you can leave exactly when you want if and when a relationship is not for you anymore. Meet a partner out of love and not because you can live your life as a live in maid/nanny/s*x worker,cook,nurse,therapist to him!

There is a reason the song that goes, "You make me do too much labor" is so popular. Since the dawn of time, women have had to work. Even back during nomadic times, even back when we were still homoerectus, women did equal labor. They gathered. They learned information on what was safe to collect and forage and shared it with others. When we starting settling and building civilizations, women worked the fields along side their spouses. Once the start of ancient civilizations started, women worked either the land and home or outside the homes. Only rich women didn't work outside the home. And even those rich women still had the labor of literal labor, like childbirth. Being a stay at home parent is work, being a working mother is so much work, having a job is work. We're all doing labor, but our society only seems to champion the labor that is considered to be masculine (the 9-5) in 1950's to modern society. Edit: Also, pulling on my first degree in anthro, we found that women also hunted along side men and that often women were better at it because they were better at studying animals and stalking prey. So when these trad wife creators act like they're living a soft easy life, then they're not a REAL trad wife. Being a full time mother and homemaker is hard work and not glamourous.

Melanie, this is a great video!! My mom was a traditional 1950s-60s housewife. She had four children and was a housewife was constantly taking care of us. My dad wasn't demanding and they had their roles. They both were very talented. My dad could build anything and my mother sewed our clothes, cooked from scratch, and created a wonderful home for us. But her vision for us was to be well-educated and self sufficient. My husband and I married late so had no children. We share one bank account and credit cards. We talk over large purchases but neither of us question what small things we spend our money on. I would be concerned that women who want that trad wife life don't have skills to fall back on should the need arise for any reason.

"Unpaid labor". Marriage is two people becoming one. There is no "my money" or "your money", only *"our* money". And if a woman is looking to become a traditional wife, she will also be wanting a traditional husband that will provide for her. This is a different sort of man than one who gets paid by his employer and then spends the bulk of the money on himself.

It’s crazy how much of this depends on the way you were raised (for better or worse). My mom was always the breadwinner of my house, even after divorcing my dad and remarrying, she still is the main breadwinner to this day. I don’t know how the hell she did it but I NEVER felt like she wasn’t around, I never felt any lack of support or love from her. She hired help yes but all my memories from my childhood are from my mom at home with us, even though she worked a 9-5 as well. Adding to that I saw a couple of women family members that were traditional stay at home moms, get screwed up by their husbands and struggle a lot to keep their house, find a job, and start a career. I never even considered becoming a stay at home mom because all of those experiences taught me that I needed to be financially independent, and now growing up and seeing other dynamics it was very hard for me at first to understand why anyone would do that 😅 but honestly I support women and what they choose for themselves, as long as we keep teaching them to be smart!

Feminism wasn’t forcing women in to corporate roles. It was meant to give women the option

Hi Melanie! The issue I have with the trad wife movement is the constant drone of, "if you work you're less of a woman. If you work, you don't love your kids and partner, if you work, you must be brainwashed." Not to mention what it does to people outside of the cis straight world. Overall, the idea that this is the one right way rubs me the wrong way.

I couldn’t agree with this more! I’ve recently become a stay at home mum to two very small children because of the cost of childcare. It’s hard! Cooking,cleaning, teaching, entertaining all day long and there’s still a feeling that im missing out on the fulfilment of a career that I went to university for plus the feeling that I’m not financially contributing. It’s in no way glamorous!

If you're aspiring to be a trad wife, just please - know that many to most videos are misleading, especially if no kids are involved. Staying at home cooking, cleaning and tending the kids is not glamorous at all; rather it can be a very isolating, frustrating and exhausting life, especially in this day and age, - make sure you stay financially independent (as in you have your own bank account). Loved the video btw, it was very balanced and addressed everything that needed to be addressed.

I really appreciate how balanced this was, thank you.

I feel as though I have an interesting situation. I am and was raised to be a very independent woman. My career is important to me, I have a masters degree with plans to start a PhD, and ensuring women have every opportunity available to them is one of my core values. At the same time, I am 25 years old, married to my high school sweetheart, and just had our first baby 2 months ago. I think the beauty of living during this time period is that you can be an independent person while also having strong family values. Working from home, taking extra online courses for my undergrad degree so I could finish my bachelor’s a year early, and doing my graduate degree hybrid as well all allowed me to reach my personal goals while also starting my family at a younger age. I think just keeping in mind that we should support all women’s goals and aspirations is really important. There’s no real “right way” to go about life, it should all be at our own pace.

I think this is the first time I've listened to a critique on "trad wives" that I actually agree with! The trad wife esthetic is based more on 1950s trophy wives. ACTUAL traditional wives are the ones who are working alongside their husbands, who know how to get dirty and often don't have time to stop and pretty themselves up when their husband is on his way home. I'm a farmer, my husband gets home from his day job at about 3. If I went and did my hair and makeup for when he got home, it would all be ruined in under an hour because I still have work to do, often outside.

I have three little kids and work part time and it's those three days working outside the house that keep me sane. 😂

I can't stress enough how important this video is. Well done dear Melanie. I don't feel the longing to be a "trad wife" at all, because I value my independence. But I have a strong desire for a simpler life. Stress less, spend more time with my loved ones, to grow my own food and to be out in nature more often.

I'll never understand how these women don't understand that by making a living via content creation and putting out this 'anti-feminist' content, they're engaging with feminism by actively benefitting from it!

On trad wives protecting themselves, incase they suddenly can't rely on their partners income. Let's assume the husband doesn't divorce them... why have I never seen any of them acknowledge how they'll keep their kids alive if the husband dies? Or if he gets severely injured or ill and can't work anymore? Does his retirement plan have his wife written into it? Does he have life insurance and what does she get from it? Depending on the country, what benefits/support could he access if he can't work anymore and is it enough to cover the entire household? Alternatively, what if she suddenly dies or becomes severely ill/disabled? Who's doing the childcare and housework? Will husband have to pay for childcare and will he have enough, because childcare is fucking expensive and it could be more than his deceased wife's allowance and likely won't cover 5am - nighttime 7 days a week unless he finds a miracle nanny. Especially since so many of these trad wife influencers are American, as someone in the UK where we have the NHS (thank god) I can't fathom how none of them acknowledge what happens if either parent or, god forbid, one of the children needs expensive health care or long-term ongoing treatment like if someone gets cancer and needs several rounds of chemo. If a single income household large enough to support these kind of unpredictable, uncontrollable worst-case scenarios? Because if yes, that's a HUGE financial privilege not available to most. If no, they are not being mature, responsible adults or parents. Have the hard conversations, talk about the ugly stuff. Talking about death isn't ever worse than never talking about it before you lose that person- in fact, planning it out way ahead of time will make your worse nightmare that much easier ❤

As a 28yo woman I think a lot about kids recently. But it scares me a lot - this economical instability, amount of work that society doesn´t recognize. I would feel so much more secure if every mother had an unemployment payment every month (it could be called differently but whatever) until she can go to work, the sum increasing proportionally depending on kids amount, even if she had working husband. We make humans, future taxpayers and workers. It must be recognized as an important mission, and we deserve to feel completely secure and not depend on a husband or other relatives.

Living in the online world created by random individuals is not healthy in the first place. We should focus more on what is happening in the real world, check out how real women live and not obsessing over 20second videos that are aesthetically staged in order to boost public engagement (love or hate) and to generate revenue. Traditional wives should be loving, caring and protective of their family. Traditional husbands should be loving, caring and protective of their family. Melanie's making a very good point in that 50s women didn't enjoy doing the chores either. These are must do's in life. So to me this kind of content is just useless and besides the point. Let's live in the real world! Thank you, Melanie, for your insights!❤

Look at you with your cute Snow White vibe. Love it. I’m a SAHM. Always wanted that. Dated my husband for 7 years before getting married. He fully supports the decision and is a very driven person. He knows my work at home is priceless. I’m appreciated and loved. Our boys are his everything. We had a hefty savings before I quit. So I’m beyond confident in the decision. However, I am still aware that I’m screwed if I don’t figure out a way to work part time at some point. Not because my husband will leave me. But just in general. I need to develop a new skill in case of an emergency. But I will always stand by my decision and was willing to take the risk to be there every single day for my children. I could never justify working “in case” something happens. I’d rather be stuck bagging groceries at 50 and know that I got to do my most important work in the early days. To each their own though. Also, I’m annoyed you’re in Ireland. That Jeff Bezos clip made me pee my pants. We would be BFFs. lol

I love this video and I appreciate how you didn't shame the homemaker lifestyle! Many takes on Trad Wives quickly show creators' biases towards being a homemaker. It's hard to watch and respect their take. I grew up with a mom who had to work at times but she was a homemaker most of the time. She was so passionate about keeping a home for me and my dad. I saw her show real skill and passion for this type of work, so I respect being a homemaker or stay-at-home mom like I would appreciate someone with an office job. I'm not saying you have to be perfect to be a stay-at-home mom, my mom definitely was wearing pajamas cleaning and we didn't have candle light dinners all the time, but if she had the energy she would try to make everything look grand. That's what she wanted to do. My dad also cooked and would make things from scratch, and I saw her look tired and stressed taking care of us at home but I know she loved doing it. I appreciate how real you were about this topic, but you don't shame it as a lifestyle.

You basically exposed my own opinion on all this, but in a more eloquent way! I really admire the women who have the means and will to be housewives, but it comes with way more risks than it looks on the surface.

You’ve definitely got your personal colour palette down perfectly!!!

I love this video so much! Thank you for making it! I am a full time mom at home. Left my job as a children’s mental health therapist with young adolescents because I knew the right thing was to be present raising my own child, and the cost of childcare is ridiculous on top of that! It’s hard and often lonely, and I feel the weight of the invisible load often. At the same time, being with my toddler everyday is the more rewarding than any paycheck has ever been. Women need choices and not to be stuffed into “roles”.

theres a SAHM/KZfaqr ive followed since before i was pregnant with my first. shes hopped on the trad wife trend. only wears dresses now etc. has to make sourdough... but obviously gets sponsorships and thats how she can afford their lifestyle. from her content creation NOT just from her husbands career. anyway she had the audacity to post a reel where she was dancing around and gardening in a $600 dress saying it was the perfect dress for SAHMs and she rightly got ROASTED in the comments. these people are so out of touch i have nothing against real homesteading traditional wives. what i hate is the fakery. the trend of attempting to glamorize and monetize other moms daily lives but make it unattainable and fake

I don't think encouraging women to work is exclusively to avoid separation hardships, but it's to have freedom in the relationship itself. More often than not, women and stay at home moms are kept completely in the dark when it comes to financial situations of the family, and that's dangerous, extremely dangerous.

I was still job hunting when I married my husband. Fortunately, he earned enough for us to get by. Even with applying for jobs and doing a udemy course, alongside cleaning and learning to cook, it was boring and isolating to spend all day at home.

Have a blessed day & blessed comment section 🥰

My one note on the video, I'd suggest blurring the faces of the kids on the tik toks just like you do your own. I love your perspective and your videos, just something you may want to consider doing in the future to not promulgating the kids faces like their parents did.

When I see that content all I see is "my family is rich enough that I don't have to worry about work, and I can cosplay and pursue my interests instead." Not judging, that sounds great 😂 I wish we could all afford that

Why do my favorite KZfaqrs accept sponsorships from better help? They must pay very well, because pretty much everyone is aware how awful and unethical they are as a company.

I think my issue with the trad-wife movement is that a lot of the bits of it that go viral (which admittedly, I feel like is rage bait to some degree) seems to be an almost wilful misunderstanding of feminism. I dislike the 2010's girlboss feminism and the attitude it promotes but the overall point is that you have the CHOICE to work should you want to. The only reason they get to frame their lifestyle as a choice at all is because of feminism. I feel like the main gripe of people drawn towards this lifestyle is CaPiTalIsM (kind of a dreaded buzzword now but it's true). Like... you know what would enable people to have less work driven and family oriented lives? Universal Basic Income, if our taxes actually went towards social welfare programs. Maybe if people were talking more about things that would make this apparently preferable and idyllic life achievable for more people it wouldn't be so irksome. It's definitely true that just seeing someone essentially play pretend on an app is pointless to get upset over but there can sometimes be a air of classism to the whole thing. But I guess if it was being practical and discussing messy topics like systemic change it wouldn't be viral so hey ho!

I’m of the opinion that both people in a marriage should practice the same things, know everything that needs to be done to earn money, take care of the house and of the kids. Because you never know what happens. What if one dies. The other one shouldn’t become half useless because of that.

The thing that gets me about "trad wives" is that they are literally telling you to stay at home while they are at THEIR OWN JOBS! That, the attempt to fundamentally misunderstand feminism, and the concept of shame mongering--"if you don't make your cereal from scratch you're a bad mom"--creates a really questionable picture to me.

I’m willing to bet that at least half of these trad wife influencers are making just as much or more than their husbands. It’s super misleading to tell women to stay home/not earn money while they themselves are earning money.

I have a couple of "hot takes" from this. I'm an ex traditional wife and mother who worked exceptionally hard when the kids were younger to educate myself and then I started a business when they got older. I now teach people about healing and empowerment along side my original business. We have to understand that these "trends" are not reality. They are, or at least should be for entertainment purposes only. We can't compare ourselves to what we see on social media. At best, they're snapshots of people's lives, and more often than not, they're advertisements. The issue with social media is that people compare themselves to what they see, and then believe that they are failing or somehow less than. We shouldn't head into partnership with the mindset of "when it ends". But, we also shouldn't be giving up such huge parts of ourselves that we don't have a way of standing on our own, if life comes to that. The biggest thing I would suggest to young people (and I have raised 3), is that if you're close enough to a person to think about sharing your lives and bringing new life into this world, then you need to be open to having the conversations about building a life that is rewarding and sustainable for the both of you, in all circumstances.

My parents have been married for 65 yrs 3 kids and my mom wanted to and did stay at home with us. She has a teaching degree so went back to subbing after all 3 off us were well into school. My dad has SO much respect for her role and always made sure she had time for her music. She always played in community concert band and has a large network of friends in the local music community. My parents both proclaim to be "feminists" and raised us girls to believe we can be whatever we want to be career wise. My brother now has a stay at home wife of 25 yrs who he respects and treats amazingly. I'm a stay at home mom now. I had my first baby at age 44. Prior to that I was in the work force for 25 years. My sister works in banking and is divorced with 2 children. When my sister went back to work it was difficult after staying home for many years with her kids but she is so smart and capable. She was able to work her way up in the banking industry very quickly.

Yes I also had a lot of appreciation about that movement or esthetics, as you said. I always adored my mom who had great education, had 3 jobs at one point and gave it all up until I was 3,5 years old. Because Dad told her that he “didn’t like that she was not home that often”, and when I was 3,5 he said “oh and now you are too much spending at home“ and she with all her education and career before just as easily were able to get her job back, even with me went to work abroad to Japan for some time and very very successful and still is. But it was a good lesson for us all because 15 years later my Dad lost a job and my was able to give me education and the finished paying mortgage thanks to her salary. And she cleaned cooked and did a most of house chores. So girls, please study and learn something that can earn you money.

I have lived both lives.. I can tell you from experience... Being a stay home mom is the toughest job one will ever have in their lives! Rewarding, yes, but stressful. I had the opportunity to go to college and work part time after the military. It was a nice break to sit in a class for an hour without kids, or a husband, wanting to be waited on... Also.... If no one is in the house to mess it up, then it stays clean!! My grandmother was superwoman! She held a 40 hr week job. cooked, cleaned, watched us grandkids on the weekends and baked bread every Saturday. I had no idea how women of her generation did this? My counselor told me... "prescription speed!" Just like in Pink's video for "Beautiful Trauma."

My problem with the term "trad wife" is that it's used in alt right circles :/

My problem with the whole trad wife trend is, that a lot of them try to convince us that we should go back to "traditional" gender roles. Instead of re-claiming motherhood and care-taking as something a modern woman can do without shame, they seem to be taking a step back and discard so much of the progress feminist movements have made in the past. I know a lot of women who had to justify themselves for being a stay at home mum for the past 20 years (my mum includued), because hustle culture and going back to work 6 months after a kid was born seemed normal and the "girl boss" thing to do. And I perfectly understand that not all women want to or can do that. But saying that you have to be there for your husband and treating him like a king while you have to cook and clean and dress just for him so he can relax seems very mysogynistic. The other thing that annoys me a ton is, that they never seem to acknowledge their privilege. A lot of people just can't afford to be a stay at home parent and they kind of make other parents feel bad for making an easy quick and maybe slightly less healthy meal, or for not spending as much time with their kids.

These people don't understand history. Women have always worked (paid and unpaid). Most didn't have the luxury to not work. And pre-Industrial Revolution, cottage industry was based in the home, so both genders worked from home so to speak. This notion of the trad wife is only relatively recent (19th century onwards) and only a small percentage of the population had the luxury to embody that "ideal". It's also offensive to women in history to define housework as not work. It's bloody hard work that goes under-appreciated.

Mom married in 1978 because she desperately wanted this life And she had odd jobs here and there but ultimately chose not to work My father was incredibly abusive and used her as an emotional punching bag He drank heavily and cheated on her Now they’re in their 70s and live off his pension He struts his stuff on the beach and calls all the ladies by the poolside his “girlfriends” When I was a kid I begged my mom to leave him, but she always told me she couldn’t because of financial reasons While I was growing up I vowed NEVER to let myself be HER Got myself educated including my masters I also learned a second language as an adult Now I work for the government and I am the one banking in my pension plan I pay my own bills and my plan is to strut my stuff in the beach when I’m in my 60s (I’m 45 now) and if I want a boyfriend- I will have that freedom (Im just kidding about that last part - but hey - why not??) 👌 💪

Literally every single person on this earth is different, therfore every child is different, every family is different. If a person wishes and actively chooses to be a trad wife - makes a conscious effort every day to be that and follow that path and that is all they have ever wanted for themselves, it works for them and thier family - that so brilliant! If someone finds themselves falling into a more trad wife role because of the way their family dynamic has just seemed to play out but it does work for you and your family and you are happy and content fulfilling that kind of role - that is also SO brilliant. Every family is different- we shouldn't be judging each others family dynamic and the way each other choose to live their family life. Every single one of us just be out here trynna do what works for us. Do what works, whatever that looks like for you and f*** everyone else 😘

for me, feminism is a choice based on circumstances. Don't shun the working mother, don't shun the stay at home mother, don't shun everything in between. Everyone's set up is different. There's stay at home mums who miss working, there's working mums who miss their babies, and there's mums who love the lifestyle they get weather it's say at home or working

Dudes, Dudettes, there are two kinds of husbands and wives--you either work IN or you work OUT. It doesn't matter if you are a man or a woman. A man who works IN, is a man that works for himself. A woman who works in is a woman who works for herself. A housewife (or a houseman) may not get paid but if she (or he) did, the hourly wage currently is about $40/hr, also keep in mind that these "content creators" are earning what is called money. Now, if you work OUT, what that means is that you are not your own boss, somebody else is your boss. A farmer (whether man or woman) works IN. A supervisor or a regular worker at a big company works OUT.

I think it's really sad that these trends push people into feeling like a slow life or a focus on homemaking is necessarily conservative. My mom was a stay-at-home mom because she really wanted to take care of her children, and my parents felt like it was really important that we weren't raised by nannies our whole childhood. Even though this decision was eased by some structural concerns (my dad was more educated, was older and already had a fairly stable career when they got together), this never changed their dynamic - my mom was the person who managed most of the house's finances, and they always shared access to their bank account. They were also hardcore hippies who had an open marriage. My mom was heavily judged by others though. Her friends and family, my dad's coworkers, my friends and their parents, always made snarky comments about how she was lazy because she didn't have a job. I heard time and time again my friends at school asking why my mom didn't do anything, while their moms did all the house chores on top of a fulltime job. At the time I felt embarassed, it took a long time until I was able to defend my parents and their decision. It's a real disservice both to women who stay at home and women who balance a 9-5 and housework, and it will continue to be an obstacle to true gender equality.

I have an issue with the glorification of trad wife life. And the whole religious aspect that most of them seem to push. No issues at all with the cute videos about domesticity.

My mom was a trad wife.... she was at my fathers whim, and it was enfuriating watch my mom never be able to rely on my dad for anything evn dangerous things at times. She never had her own money, never had her own car. On top of having to clean up after my dad who never cleaned up after himself. He's also a hoarder. He never helped with the house or with me and my brother. There were signs that he cheated on her various times. I could never! Now as a SAHM myself I am not letting slide any of the things my mom did and am going to have my own home job/ income as soon as I can. I will never be stuck and a pushover or a traditionalist just because thats the "right" thing to do. My mom never worked while being married even when we needed a second income. That will not be me. I've worked while pregnant and now am just settling myself into my new home to eventually start making content too. I will not be a helpless individual and I will not teach my daughters to be that way either.

My stepfather passed away suddenly in the 90's....guess what my mother had always done and HAD to do after he died??WORK. Luckily she was educated before having children. I would never leave it all up to the MAN....my Stepfather was a good man, husband, and human being. He had a beautiful smile..He's gone...and my mother had to take all four of us and raise us alone. I nannied for a SAHW with 3 boys. She hadn't worked in almost 7 years. Ask me how hard it was for her to get back into the workforce.

There has been many waves of feminism. I would hope that modern feminism is all about facilitating and celebrating All the choices women want to make. Whether that is a stay at home mum, a working mum, child free women, single women with cats. All are valid and valuable lives.

I don't have tiktok and I've only just rejoined instagram so I've been able to ignore this relatively successfully up until now! So important that you emphasised that tradwife influencers do work - we need to differentiate between tradwives workng as one-person media companies - and those who are pursuing that life with zero social media following. I do definitely think it's important to have a plan to fall back on in case things don't work out. I'd rather my daughter have a back-up plan and not need it than the other way round. My dad died when I was 8 so that influences my perspective a bit!

As a long time stay at home mom, I love it, but it’s not without challenges, my husband has never tried to control me via money or anything else. I see it as a blessing I’ve been able to be the one who raised my kids. But it can be very monotonous cleaning the same thing saying the same things and cooking the same things. I will say it’s a lonely career to be a SAHM in my experience. No real adult conversation on the daily. But really it all comes down to what works for each family and what brings you joy.

I'm a SAHM/HW, now that my toddler is almost in school ive started working part time. While theyre at preschool a couple of mornings. I have found that all of my family have been super supportive of my choice to stay home as long as possible for my baby. My career oriented self proclaimed feminist friends have actually been the most judgemental. Asking me things like "how do you do it, becuase my brain would just rot away," and "dont you care about your career?" "But youre so educated!" Etc etc. so so so many snarky, unkind comments. I may be a SAHM/HW but I also make sure to read, have hobbies and im lucky to have a husband who is a very involved dad. All these things make beibg a home maker, SAHM delightful. I honestly love it. Why does caring for your own children get such a bad rep? They dont disrespect (and shouldnt) the underpaid, hardworking childcare worker! So why is it ok when its a self contained labour for your own family. If women have no choice but to work to keep their families alive, i respect that. I can imagine how insanely hard it is to work and be a mother away from your babies. I dont judge working mums, that shit is hard!!!! I take ny hat off to them. I have the mobility to move back into a career if i so wish, but im making a choice to invest in my family. On my deathbed my boss wont be standing there holding my hand saying how much he appreciated the extra hours I put in. Employers dont give a rats ass about you. No matter who you are, you're replaceable. A mother and father can never truly be replaced. The thing with the trad wife movement that I take serious issue with is the encouragement to not bother with school, or higher education. YOUR KNOWLEDGE, EXPERIENCE AND EDUCATION IS SOMETHING NO ONE CAN TAKE FROM YOU. Dont encourage young women to have nothing for themselves. Its gross and short sighted. And to the feminists, having an education isnt squandered when you have kids, you can pass on knowledge, wisdom and teach!!!!

I feel like the universe is playing games with me right now...i have these kind of thoughts all the time in my head...you somehow managed to Express them in the most beautiful way! Thank you for using your time to do this! ❤

I was just talking to my BetterHelp therapist earlier today about being nervous about my lack-of-money-making in case my man isn't able to work or something bad happens to him. It doesn't worry me that he might leave, it concerns me that I might be in a difficult place if something unfortunate happens to him. At the moment I'm a "homemaker" by accident, but I hate cooking haha, so I don't do it very often 😂

I have been thinking about this for a while. I believe the term Trad wife refers to the relationship between husband & wife whereas a stay at home mom refers to the relationship between parent & child. Both depict a person raising children. However there is a differece and 9/10 the USA versions we see online are reglion based principals which can sometime feel behind the times when the focus is on the caring of husband over the caring of children.

the post-trad wife stories made me sad, but i really appreciated including them. I think these things can happen even after youve had marriage talks

I read all the comments about how you really shouldn't leave your job to look after your family because WHAT IF. And I do understand it, it's a valid thought but also, how much do you not trust your relationship? I'm looking after my baby at the moment and I am not sure if I will go back to work outside the home. But even if I don't, I do see it as a very privileged situation (my partner's income is high enough to support us) and as a temporary situation. I will go back to work at some point. I'll also add that my husband and I have a joint account for house expenses and then individual accounts for our own expenses. Maybe I live in a naive bubble, but how do people NOT talk about finances in their marriage?? Money is such a big part of life! It's like that girl that says you should worry when you're dating not when you're married. You definitely should talk about how you share/spend money on shared things before you're married. Do people agree??

To me the trad wife life is not simple life at all. I'm a SAHM, but in our country you can be that for 3 years with each child and get money. Not much, but it's still something. But with no money at all, that sounds horrible to me. We share one account with my husband and all money is our little family's money. Not mine, not his. And when my second child turns 3 I will go back to work. You can have a simple life while working. This works for us, and if anything bad happens, we are covered. We have every kind of insurance, we pay for retirement, and we will both work until we are able to.

ok but can we talk about the RESEARCH in this video?! Hi teacher Mel! love it

I think people get triggered by the videos because it makes them feel guilty and or jealous. That’s how I feel anyway, I’m well aware of how awful UPFs are (my mum was banging on about it my whole childhood) but I have no village and my maternity pay is dire, mixed with my husband being also a nurse so out over all income is just enough to pay the bills with a little left over. I want the time and money to make my own food from scratch with organic fresh produce all the time but it’s not possible. At least at the moment with a 3 year old and 3 month old and ridiculous prices for good food. And I hate it.

I'm a 23 year old who has been working for a year now on and off and absolutely hated every single second of it. Being a traditional housewife was one of the best choices that I made in my life even though I have a bachelor's degree and also pursuing my masters degree. Some women love careers but we have to accept that not every woman wants it. I fully rely on my spouse to provide for me but I ask him for allowances of course and also focus on blogging and hobbies that might help me in the future. A man who can't support a family shouldn't have a family. If he needs the aid of his wife then he shouldn't have a child. The woman will be doing wayy too much work in this case. She will carry the child for 9 months, breast feed for several months, and then also have to work?? I would never want to be in any such relationship with a man. No matter what anyone says I don't believe that working in corporate world is a better alternative. So many women get abused and harassed and very low paid compared to men. Working from home is not option for a bunch of women. Starting your own business is not for every woman. These are difficult things.

I didn't even know the term tradwife before this video, cause I've never encountered this type of content and this trend on my side of the internet. Not sure it's something I wanted to know, but mad respect for this video, Mel!

Excellent video!! Have really struggled seeing all that tradwife content aghh. Great insight and balance to this video, love how you always facilitate a well rounded discussion and acknowledge the massive *context* around it all ❤️

Stephanie coontz wrote a book called” the way we never were 📚 “ looking at this whole nostalgia v reality thing. Oh and John Gillis “a world of their own making”. If anyone’s a reader 📖

I love this take! I adore the cottage-core, homestead type aesthetic, but am well aware of how unrealistic so much of it is! I also made a point when I was deciding what to do after university of looking at careers that would offer me flexibility in the future when I decided to have children. I ultimately decided to become a swimming teacher, in part because it gives me the opportunity to work short, flexible shifts that I could work around my husband’s future career plans and my future children, whilst also allowing me to do something I absolutely love! But when I told my friends and my Mum that part of my thinking, they were scandalised, as if I shouldn’t be considering what I KNOW I want my future to be when I’m only in my early 20s! Yet if I hadn’t, and then had got to the point of having children and realised I had to choose between raising them and having a career, they would have been equally stumped! I don’t think there is anything wrong with shaping your life in your 20s to accommodate your future dreams, but there is such a push to be super high-flying and have an amazing career (which I do! I love every day I go in to work, which is more than a lot of people can say!), and not mention wanting to raise children in case you’re seen as a ‘bad feminist’, despite the fact that feminism is about CHOICE, and this is my CHOICE! Agh, I get so passionate about this 😂. Great video as always Melanie! 💚

I'm 24 and got married in May. I work full time as well as my husband. I'll be honest, I belive planning will help a woman in case something does happen. Women shouldn't struggle to start over if there is a divorce, illness, or death. There are times I feel so insecure because I don't feel like that traditional wife a lot of people aspire to be. I am not one to clean all the time, I have autism and ADHD, my husband cooks, etc. My backup plan is working, even if it is hard for my autistic traits at times. I know I would also be bored if I didnt have anything to do besides cook and clean. My husband and I also agreed on not having kids either, so it works. But in this economy, we need to be making more money to survive, sadly. Some people said it here but having a plan is like having insurance. You may never know what will happen with your home or car, but you need that protection.

Lets do the math. 24 hours in a day - 8 hours sleep - 1 hour to get ready in the morning (shower, breakfast, getting family ready) - 1 hour transportation to work (some will need less, but many people spend up to an hour each way) - 8 hours work - 1 hour transportation (home) That leaves you with 5 hours to do all the rest - Cooking, eating and cleaning (will usually take at least 1 hour combined, up to 2 if you eat with your family) - Laundry - Exercise or hobby - Socialising, dating, childcare - Any evening routine you might have By the time they are home, most people are too exhausted to do anything. Meaning they cut corners on cooking healthy food, cleaning their home, or even the time taking care of themselves (exercise and personal hygiene). Many people don't have a hobby these days - because they never had the energy to develop one. Netflix and reality becomes their hobby, because that is what they have the energy to handle. Weekends are spent on catching up to housework, socialising or trying to re-charge for the next week. Yes, we have better tools to cook, clean and do laundry, but even if it takes less time, it still takes time and energy. And many people were not taught the skills or habits as children, so they take more time and energy to do. Instead of learning these skills before they needed them. Yes, we have more opportunity to take an education. But it is no longer a guarantee for success, or a high paying job. Educations are now so long that they take up most of your youth, and they are a necessity to be able to compete for an entry level job/get your foot in the door. And since there are many others with the same education as you, it offers very little job security. Yes, how much time and effort you want to spend on your appearance is 100% op to you. But these days, you will be judged if you don't shower on a daily basis, don't smell like a rose garden, and don't look good all the time. Even when you work out, you can't sweat too much, or look too disheveled. As fashion is more and more revealing, you 'need' to remove more and more hair from your body, and have perfect skin all over your body. And not only are you expected to look good - you can't look like you actually spent a lot of time on it. If your are too feminine or girly, you are seen as weak and childish. I am not a tradwife, but I think this is why I kind of understand them. In their own way, it is a rebellion against all the demands of modern life, that can be exhausting. Yes, it resemble playing dress up a lot of the time. But they show the sense of peace and calm that it gives them, and they don't apologize for the effort they put into the food they cook, or the appearance they present. I definitely agree that these women are also risking a lot if their man were to leave them. But I understand their desire to live a simple life, and take care of their family. There is nothing wrong with wanting that.

Italian here. Italians buy pasta in a box. The times you do make pasta is usually on a special occasion.

Thank you for this great video! Just wanted to add that many researchers have also covered that the rise of the tradwives is heavily linked to the rise of the far right and conservative political views and the anti-feminist backlash that has been having real consequences on women/gender minorities!

I personally think that women have every right to experience feminity without being submissive. You can be a homemaker by all means, but also have some means of earning if possible by your side, because you never know what happens to your partner and you need financial aid.

This is a great topic especially for you to cover, cause I'm sure more then a few times someone who doesn't follow you has stumbled upon your content and assumed you were a Trad Wife, since your content is (slightly) Trad Wife adjacent. I personally follow a few trad wife cretors, because I strive to have a more traditional relationship in the future, but A. the ones I follow mostly do discuss the harder aspects, it just depends how intently you follow them B. I educated myself via the internet and my own life expriences as well as family experiences before I considered that something I wanted to presue and know more about, C. I do sometimes see content even from creators I like that is not how I would do it and not how I would encourage others to either, but it is their lives so I leave it at that. There is a danger in the allure of this content, but I feel the most important thing is that people talk more openly about the challenges and pitfalls that can happen. Many "mom content" creators share the reality's and a handful of Trad Wives do to, it is all about finding the right "influencers" to make your view well rounded, that can be challenging with how social media is designed but if you are willing to put in the work it can be done. More conversations on all ends are always better!

Cosplaying as Betty Draper without understanding her struggle on "Mad Men" kills me.

Mel you are so wise you really do know everything 😂❤ xxxx

What I dislike about the tiktok trad wives is the absolute disconnect. Feminism is about the choice to be a mother. Not everyone should be or wants to be a mother and we deserve to have the option to rely on ourselves to survive not the good will of some man. And if you want to rely on a man to survive that’s your choice that’s what feminism is about; the opportunity to chose your lifestyle and who you want to be

I'm a stay at home mom because I want to but also out of necessity. We have 3 kids, 4 and under, and although I am a licensed teacher, if I went to pursue a career in teaching, my entire paycheck wouldn't even cover childcare so working would be pointless. Essentially, I would be paying to be away from my kids for no reason, especially since I'm not passionate about teaching anyway. We knew before having kids that we wanted one of us to stay home, so I did because I breastfeed and have the patience to be home with kids all day (hence why I thought I'd like teaching but unfortunately do not lol )

I’m just here for the LIPSTICK and MAKEUP - please give us a list of what you use ( I want to buy it all ) 💃🏻

Thank you for a great conversation on tradwives with a real feminist perspective. I loved it

Great points about families working together!

I don’t have children but my job is very stressful so I actually enjoy watching those videos. I also had a job where I basically took care of the houses of elderly people from house to house. It was more like the simple life. Cleaning houses and gardening and having a chat with some tea. I actually get the simple life a lot more. Than working at some high traffic train station working for citizens who are most of the time moody and in a hurry 😂. But also acknowledging the history of the 1950 , like the problematic issues. What I am trying to say is. Work today doesn’t pay enough to have a simple life at home. You almost have no time to be at home and enjoy the simple life because you need to have more and more money with every inflation that is going on. And with being short staffed you also have to do more work without being paid more.

There was a time in my life when I desperately wanted to be a trad wife: I married at 21 and moved to US for my husband’s work. Granted, I know my husband since high school and he’s the kindest and the sweetest person in the world, never raised his voice or talked down to me in over 16 years that we are together - and I’m very sensitive to that sht. So those early years of my marriage were gloriously carefree! But then I actually learnt about feminism, grew up, became a responsible adult and got a high income job myself. Now I’m a stay at home mom and a remote software engineer and I’m drowning in burnout, wishing to quit my job to actually enjoy my time with my 5&2yo and make sourdough bread from scratch XD Except that unlike in my late teens/early twenties, I am a solid feminist and blame the hustle culture/capitalism/patriarchy for the disproportionate pressure to do it all, not feminism. From my experience, trad wife ideal is a sign of immaturity and needs intervention/education, so that the wives are aware of all the nuanced consequences and dangers of this life choice. (Lol I was so annoyed with my mom lecturing me on the importance of having a job in a marriage: she was right of course, but at that time I was also escaping her unrealistic expectations and the constant high pressure she had been putting on me throughout my childhood - I just wished to be left alone. But ultimately I did reconsider, though it took a couple years, and am glad I did)

Great video, I love how you put conplicated thoughtful arguments into such heartwarming anti hostile words

I'm in Germany and people here are NOT making their own bread. It costs a fraction of the cost to buy it here

The best and most levelled take I've heard on this app

1950’s woman was unhappy and wanted more. thank you for bringing this up!

I have so much to say about this topic, but basically, I agree with everything you just said. Also, thanks for the song "mother's little helper". It is super interesting, I'll be going on a rabbit hole of my own to see how valium was used by these trad wives back in the day, and how it was advertised as a coping mechanism to cope with societal and life back then. I think having and earning your own money is super important as a woman. If I want to buy x/y/z I want to have the liberty to choose, even if it's a mistake, it's my mistake.

While I understand that different things work for different people, I can't imagine having none of my own money and depending solely on another person to care for me and my needs as an adult. With my partner and I, it was always so important to us both that we each have our own "fun" (or spending) money. We have a joint account for bills, but everything else is our own. It also allows us to surprise each other with gifts without the surprise being ruined by a shared account lol. I agree with you that if things simply "work out that way" and one ends up being a stay at home parent while the other is a breadwinner, that's fine. But women and girls should always aim to protect themselves in this world today. Have some kind of education and experience. Have your own side hustle and savings. Protect yourself. It doesn't matter how well you think you know your partner, things can always go wrong and it's foolish and naive in my opinion to not acknowledge that. If you don't end up needing it, you can just buy yourself a nice treat instead. It's a win-win!

One of the reasons I love your content so much is because you show more “traditional” fem roles, and that is familiar to me. Stuck in the mundanity of life, it is nice to have a little inspiration from someone who is also at times stuck in that same place. And you give us a little inspiration to romanticize the little things. I notice that you state “perceived decline of traditional family values”. Curious if you feel we overestimate a decline in this area?