I am a cisgender woman. The amount of times I’ve gone to the men’s bathroom because the line for the ladies room was way too long is more than I can count. None of the men have ever said anything about it, seemingly understanding my need to empty my bladder overrides the use of the “correct” bathroom. I’ve been to plenty of bathrooms that don’t have any gender identification. I’ve seen dads in the ladies room with their daughters, moms in the men’s room with their little boys. Never, ever, have I worried if someone is there to do anything other than pee.

Brilliant talk. But the main thing is; assault in bathrooms is illegal anyway. If you think assault happens in bathrooms, then you have to accept that cis men could assault cis men/boys in restrooms. If your fear is assault, then your issue should not be with trans people (who as shown are more likely to be assaulted), but with the actual people who are doing the assaulting.

The entire idea of segregated bathrooms have always confused me, when I was a little girl my dad always took me to the men’s room when I needed to pee so he could wait right outside the stall and help if I needed anything. No one ever blinked an eye at that and as I grew up and realised it was such a big deal to people I was shocked.

I'm a cis male who once wandered into the ladies room at a restaurant, having left my glasses at the table. My first thought when I went into the --thankfully empty-- restroom was how neat it was. It didn't have separate stalls, but rather little toilet rooms with real wooden doors that locked and went all the way down to the floor. After completing my assigned duties and washing my hands I walked out of the bathroom and noticed that the sign on the door opposite said "MEN." At that moment and ever since I have been waiting to be arrested.

You can pee a stall away from me. I’m not transphobic (being a trans woman myself), I just have privacy issues😂😂

HOW ARE WE STILL HAVING THE SAME ARGUMENT 4 YEARS LATER WITH LITERALLY NO PROGRESS BEING MADE?!

Lol. As a male, I would get panicked as well if I saw a female using the same bathroom. The panic I get is being on the other side of the conditioning, though. I would think to myself, "Oh no! Did I do a crime?" when I absentmindedly go inside female designated restrooms.

I dont know , I am a trans man, going into a male bathroom is kind of scary , it's like I am asking for there approval on being one of them. So this talk has been really helpful and reassuring.

I often don’t go out dressed as my real self because I am scared of going to the restroom while not looking like a “real” woman. If you think you, as a cis woman, are scared of trans women in the restroom, just think about how scared trans women are. When we go to the restroom, if someone gets harassed, it’s usually us.

I've never seen a man object to a woman coming into a MEN room (usually happens when the line is too long on the WOMEN room and they can't hold it any longer). I expect however, that women are not likely to react the same way.

When i was young my mom would talked about how the mens bathroom was unsafe because of my age and she wanted me to use the womens bathroom if my brother wasnt there, i didnt oppose of it because i wanted to be safe and unharmed too. After i started to get older i did feel uncomfortable being in the womens bathroom and a small insedent occured when i was like 7 or something which is when i statred to use the mens bathroom. But anyway i went into the girls one and did my business and when i left i saw a woman standing and washing her hands. She turned me and had was slightly shocked that a little boy was in that bathroom but she didnt shoo me out. And i actually said to her that im sorry if im in here but my mom wanted me to go in here because she felt it was safer for me.

how do these people even realize someone is trans when they r in the stall?? like wtf

* I had the opportunity to produce a film about the demolition of a historic hotel 1983. The demolition crew allow access for me to film wherever I chose. I went into about every nook and cranny of that structure: offices, guest rooms, restaurant, bar, kitchens, and public restrooms. I made a curious observation that has had me pondering since then. The men's room at the executive floor was elaborate: several urinals, several stalls, and several private showers. As for women, the women's restroom was two stalls (neither wide for handicap access) and one crampt sink. Considering this presentation, recalling the year of the construction of that hotel, the lack of up-grades required for the time, it seems obvious that the women's restroom was likely a late remodel to a room used for other purposes in original construction. Whereas the men's restroom was well-designed and considered for a society where there were no women in the business, let alone no women employed at the executive floor. *

I'm a trans woman. I'm lucky in that I "pass" well enough that I've never had an issue in bathrooms. I'm still a little nervous about going into the women's restroom. There's a part of me that still finds it hard to believe I pass as well as I do. So I worry that someone will notice that I'm trans and it will cause a problem.

The trans community needs more cishet allies like her👏🏻👌🏻👍🏻

i was beaten up in the restroom of my school and never ever used a restroom at school again. it was horrible having to hold it in all day every day and i drank nothing the hole day.

Thank you for learning and your support. It means the world to my people and I. ❤️

I was so into the conversation that I started clapping, before realizing that I was listening to this in headphones, in my bed.

I was thinking about this topic recently.. I grew up in the late 80s/90s and went out with my dad on weekend errands frequently and I don't remember how we handled the bathroom situation when I was young. I don't really remember my dad taking me into men's room, but surely he must have. It's a strange issue, and I definitely agree with both "family bathrooms" and " gender friendly" bathrooms. It is made way too big a deal, we have SO many other things to worry about in this country!

Did anyone notice the 2 factual reports: 1) 2 WOMEN beat a human being into a coma; 2) the MEN at Walmart were polite.?? What can we deduce from that?

There are two things I want from people who use my bathrooms: 1. That they're tidy 2. That they wash their hands End.

If you only want to pee, I have no issue with you entering a public bathroom which I happen to be using, regardless of how you look. I'd probably just assume that the queue for the ladies bathroom is simply too long for you to have been able to relieve yourself without peeing your pants. If I see someone getting violent in a public bathroom, I will step in, help the victim, and call the police, again regardless of how the victim looks. Aggravated assault is a felony, usage of a public bathroom is not!

She was 6? I’d think most dads would just take their daughter into the men’s room (like moms take their sons into the women’s restroom). “Take daddy’s hand (and if you’re especially cautious) close your eyes/or look at your feet until we get to the stall honey”. Then he could help her & she wouldn’t be alone. Of course a lot of bigger stores (like Target) have one toilet/urinal “Family Bathrooms” for reasons like this.

It never ceases to amaze me how humans can over complicate any issue! Most people understand that little girls need to pee too! If they are with dad at the time, dad must take them into the men's room. Not a difficult concept, and never received any flack about it. Now, can we tackle some real problems??? Life is just too short to be pissed off about everything, maybe just go to the beach or something.

A trans persons best friend is a single stall bath, no hard decisions no risk.

Beautifully spoken and informative speech. The world needs more people like yourself 💜

Here's a thought: Make the stall doors longer or fully enclose them so people can't see you. It works at home, and nobody gets "cooties" from it!!!

I do miss out on a lot of things. I have a routine with specific restrooms, but overall never go too far from my apartment in case of emergency. Guess you could say I travel in a circle. It's safe, and limiting. But going beyond it takes SO MUCH work.

She referenced the incident of a transwoman being beaten after coming out of the ladies room at a McDonald's. Isn't it extremely ironic that the argument of ciswomen being in danger of attack by transwomen in the ladies room was turned completely around? The transwomen in that case was not a threat at all. The ciswomen were the threat. Personally, being a transwoman myself, I avoid public restrooms as much as possible, more because of their questionable cleanliness than any other reason. However, I have had numerous occasions to use the ladies room over the years. Not once have I ever been challenged. But I have found that women can get quite chatty in the restroom which is very unlike my memories of men's behavior in their restroom. And on several occasions I have been included in the chatting. As far as safety issues, I am convinced I would be in much more danger of being hurt in the men's room than in the ladies. And I honestly cannot conceive of any reason any ciswoman should fear me being in the same room. It's sad that so many actually think anyone is at risk being in the same restroom with me, but totally neglect the very real threat I would face if I were forced to go to the other one. We're both in there for the same purpose: relief and cleanup, then exit.

I cried throughout the whole presentation. It feels so good for someone to actually understand.

If you keep men out of the ladies room, the good men who might protect ladies will be More Apt to stay out than the bad men who would harm ladies.

My mother-in-law used to live in Paris in the 1950s/1960s, and she says there were NO public restrooms available for women in Paris back then. She couldn't stray too far from home because she might have to run home to use the restroom LOL, she hated it so much. Sexism hasn't been gone that long...

This needs to be on ever news media station across the world.

I knew that it was time to start going into the men's room when I dashed into a woman public restroom not thinking anything of it and a woman at the sink dropped her purse and screamed. Lol Basically said, "oh, so sorry" and ran out acting like I went into the wrong one by accident.

Can we also have private rooms or stall? I know that would be a lot to add, and I don't want it to be gendered, I just get embarrassed when anyone hears me using the washroom, and I'd be willing to wait longer for the peace of mind. There's a lot of people I know who don't like when others can hear them even pee. Could we make gender neutral bathrooms but also a small private bathroom for those of us who have issues? Not to mention how that impacts us with disabilities too, if you have a condition rather physical or mental you might also be stressed.

why can no one who is mean in the comments section ever spell? like, I'm scrolling through the comments and see that pretty much the only people with spelling mistakes and grammar mistakes are the ones being rude to other people, and I don't get why :P XD

It's crazy how much debate goes behind how we go about ridding ourselves of our literal human waste. I'm much too busy suffering constipation to care whether the pretty lady in the next stall has a pp or not smh

Now that is a what a good ally looks like

For me this is so strange, I'm a ciswoman, but when there is a long line in the womans bathroom I go to the mens bathroom. No problem there, if it was reversed I wouldn't realy mind either. Surprised? Maby. But not fearful. I never heard of the fear of a man in the womans bathroom in the Netherlands but maybe that's just me? I get that gender nonconforming people don't realy know what to choose so that's a reason to get gender nutural bathrooms, but I don't see a problem with anyone using the womans bathroom. Anyone else from the Netherlands who is experiencing this? (pardon my possible mistakes, as you might have guessed English is not my first language)

I rarely use public bathrooms. I also don't travel much anymore due to transphobia. I won't even visit family back home because I grew up in Texas.

Loved your understanding of reality.

Very important topic here!

For big venues with long bathroom lines, segregating the urinals from gender-neutral stalls and using a shared sink/wash area is most efficient. Most of the time, the men are only waiting on the urinals, and the stalls are just wasting space. We’d be better off pooling all the stalls together and ultimately giving women more open stalls.

Beautiful impressive amazing soul. Great talk . Thank you, bless you . All your dreams come true.

What I see as the trend recently for public restrooms is a move to gender neutral single occupancy restrooms, I feel that this is all around the best and safest option.

I once accidentally used the woman's bathroom at a museum once. I remember thinking: This bathroom is fancy but why does it smell different??

"We have evidence to suggest that transpeople have existed throughout history and all across the world." "In other news, anthropologists have just determined that pottery is a thing."

I learned something here. a couple of years ago Target was osticised publicly wither their company statement of a new bathroom policy.. I remember being one of those who boisterously opposed to such an action. That the family restrooms are for those who need them. I now understand the dilemma of waiting for the correct moment to use the correct gender when nature has made your life miserable.

What a beautiful woman both inside and outside. Amazing what kindness, compassion, and intelligence, both intellectual and emotional, can do: as the video started I cast a glance at her and subconsciously thought "not attracitve"...Then, towards the end of the video, I started to find her irresistibly beautiful and attractive... :-)

I don't care about this so long as there is ANY restroom open. What irks me is the city governments systematically locking the public restrooms. I think that it is everyone's responsibility, independent of gender whatever, to pee on locked restroom doors in protest!

ex CAF, on a road move, theres 2 lines end of story, no one cares which line they are in or what the door says, the only ones who care are the drivers and mechanics because we are at the end of the lines, retired many years and still have to stop myself and confirm if I am allowed in the closest restroom

We need to get this video more attention.

Thank you for this. 💜💜

this is great and very helpful for me i get that feeling sometimes when I go on my own it can make me a little pee shy

First class and well recommended 👌👍😊💖

I'd love to hear a little more discussion about teens and college age people. Children are naive and often do as directed. Adults *should* know better and should have some maturity. As a high school teacher and father of two girls, I'm not really excited about introducing young girls into the world of teen boys with no safe spaces. You can talk all you want about "educating" young males, but considering our understanding of frontal lobe development and our anecdotal experiences with teen and college age boys, I'd love to hear everybody's "simple" solution of just eliminating gender specific bathrooms (and locker rooms??) at that age.

At about 14 I got trapped in a ladies' for about half an hour. I had rushed into the wrong one for an urgent dump and only realised when I heard women's voices. I felt that I had to wait, locked in the cubicle, until it all went quiet. By the time I got out, all my friends had given up on me and left the cafe(no mobiles then). This shouldn't happen.

❤️ Thank you Rachel!

thanks for sharing

Last year I was dragged out of a women's restroom and beaten till I lost two teeth all because I'm trans I didn't do anything wrong it ruined my life

I avoid public restrooms.

Gosh!! All this restroom and gender talk is sooo intellectual. Expressing gender is such a big, good thing too!!! He everyone watch out for me!!! Weeee!

The ally we all need

Several times a urinary tract infection has caused me to revert to the rural custom of facing a tree and peeing. There are no restrooms in a field. Locals see stalians, bulls and goats with erections and are familiar with the anatomy and see gallons of urine and fecies. Townies don't know where eggs and milk come from.

Its not just about trans. I'm a straight male and was assaulted in HS men's room by other males. What is with everyone's obsession with group restrooms. Last time I was at Walmart they had 3 toilets for men. Probably the same for women. So why not just make 6 private restrooms. Problem solved for everyone!

Very good talk.

Thank you more then you know I feel like crying you my Hero

I've been in a skirt in a man's bathroom a few times and never even had a "strange look" from men, only confused cleaning ladies. I don't feel comfortable at all using women's bathroom because my ID isn't up to date yet and I'm afraid someone will call security or will make unpleasant comments. So yeh, I avoid public bathrooms

Thank YOUUUUU! 👭💙💚💛❤💜🌈🍺🍻🍷🍹🍸🙌✨🔆💎🔆✨

At the warehouse where I work we have two bathrooms for everyone. We used to have an unwritten rule where we used one of them to poop in peace.

I've never given a damn when someone else needs to hit the bathroom. As a 'teen hanging out in the park in the '80s, we all used the same bushes. When I was stationed in Germany, there were often "bathroom trolls" (the American nickname) who sat in the public restroom to take a Deutsche Mark (a toll) from those who sought to use it; they were generally women. In Japan, sometimes cleaners came in while I was using the bathroom; they were generally women. No big deal.

I am a trans and i love cispeople !!!!¨My parents ware cis.🤣🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂😂😂😛😛😛😛😎😎😎😎😎

some of these comments literally think she's trans, they did even watch the first minute of the video.

In Sweden, the norm is that little boys come with their mums and little sisters into the ladies' until they can unbutton their own rompers and whatnot for themselves. Little girls go with their dads and little brothers into the men's in the same way. This is just how we do it. Little kids aren't as sexualised here, I guess. Somehow, I'd never considered that this should be different in other cultures? I'm honestly baffled that your dad didn't just take you into the men's toilet at such a young age, but then again, America has a lot of (to me) strange issues with gender and bodily autonomy...

I just came across this talk. And I like it! But the real bathroom scare comes when you are an intersex person, like I am. I am, what is known as a Hermaphrodit, and I had, until later surgery, both sets of genitalia. Which was the right bathroom for me? Luckily, I developed a clear female phenotype, and I used the lady's room. But what would have happened, if some person would have found out, what I had between my legs?

A lot of countries have more unisex restrooms than separated ones. I don't think restrooms assaults are any more common there than anywhere else ;P

You give me hope that your generation and the ones that follow you will unlock their mind. Take care.

Don’t be ashamed. I have struggle with my prejudice on this topic. Sad but true

Go to a concert or major sporting event. I see women the men's room all the time and nobody flinches

I have 5 kids ... every day we peed right next to each other , up until each kid was about 10 or 11.

Brave woman... Brave speech..

I, as a man, always feel uncomfortable in public restrooms 🤣 I prefer the comfort of a private restroom 😅

I now feel like I've done a degree in the history of public toilets. 🤔

...not sure what you would have done about those four original buttons regardless of which restroom you chose.

There are unisex and female urinals (I don't think they'll ever really catch on). I'm inclined to say that they shouldn't be packed cheek to jowl as mens' urinals have in the past. At a minimum there should be dividers. (I'm glad this is happening more and more among the mens' urinals.) But really, to keep (primarily male) gawkers to a minimum, they should be in stalls too. I would prefer this, in fact, because as an uncircumcised male, I like to dab/wipe with a bit of TP after leaking. I grew up in the 60's/70's when we uncircumcised were much rarer, any different behavior (or any different anything) was scrutinized and mocked, so I was very discrete. I'm not so sensitive now, but I might not go if there are no urinal partitions and the stalls are full. Interestingly, in hiding/being discrete, I've always glanced around to see if anybody is looking. I've only seen one, maybe two other guys doing as I was doing.

And that did come to pass.

14:50 think this would only work “male” to “female” rest rooms.. I’m pretty sure if I lined up in a queue to the female rest room, I’d probably be removed one way or another... but when you think about it though, female bathrooms are set up to be “safer” environments with different stalls for each person, similar to a unisex bathroom would be. where as men have urinals. It’s a strange enough thing to potentially have to stand next to a stranger, almost expose yourself and pee next to a stranger.. if a women was then to be in that environment, I don’t think that’s right or fair to do. Imagine if your stalls in the female rest room had ones with doors for pooing, and no doors if you just needed a pee. All the female strangers walking passed, feel strange right? And then a Man walking passed or being present in the room.

What did the story about her wetting her pants when she was young have to do with the bathroom issue?

The core of this issue has always been public safety. If a person honestly believes that it's a good idea to let anyone of any gender in any number into any women's facility such as bathrooms restrooms locker rooms dressing rooms and showers you've got a screw loose. It invites predators and to say otherwise is idiotic. SMH

Its not a good idea to use the bathroom as a lavatory. When US troops met the Russians at Torgau on the Elbe in 1945, the Yanks were soon complaining that in accommodation which had been occupied by Russians (who were from the backwoods and weren't familiar with modern conveniences), the bath was full of feaces and the sink had been used as a urinal. When they questioned the Russians about this, they were told that when they first arrived and wanted to know where to relieve themselves, they were told by the Americans to use the bathroom. Apparently some Americans do this too. In UK a bath is for bathing, we never use it for anything else.

In China, there are many restaurants where one must walk through the Ladies' room to get to the Men's room. Chinese toilets being what they are, stalls are much more modest than they are in America. Such stalls could be used by both sexes together. You walk around a corner to get to the urinals. I believe such an arrangement would address whatever issues remain in the Western gender/bathroom debate.

This history is so American. What about the rest of the world? When I went to a university to learn French in Quebec, Canada, there was no separation of genders in the restrooms and it was very uncomfortable because my interaction with women is different from men and I don't want to be in this difficult situation when I want to attend to my toilet. I am in the majority and this is the way we want it so back off.

What is RiNo?

public restrooms do not need to be communal. there is no reason anyone has to pee next to anyone else. trans people are not the problem. public restrooms are.

yeah

This might seem to contain logical arguments that should settle the issue. It might seem to be a reasonable basis on which to form a stance on the issue, especially if one is predisposed to adopt progressive stances which makes one feel morally superior to those who disagree. However, if one applies a degree of critical thinking one will realize its full of non sequitur and anecdotal arguments.

Why are so many guests moving from Jerry Springer to TEDxxx?

If it bothers you that someone is going pee you need to reassess your life yo

Yes, I can. I'll just ignore your presence. 😁

Let's just have all privite bathroom.