Why You Don't FEEL HEARD
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It's not uncommon for people with CPTSD (Complex PTSD or Childhood PTSD) to feel disconnected, uncared for and UNHEARD. Are other people doing this to you or is it a problem in you? In this video I talk about what causes the feeling that you're not being heard -- and what do do about it!
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@rumdo5617 3 жыл бұрын
I have been doing your morning routine for a few weeks. I had an unexpected interaction with a toxic stranger yesterday when he got too close and personal. Despite feeling furious, I was amazed to find myself expressing myself clearly and succinctly. And although he was determined to take charge of the situation, I took control and put an end to his nonsense forthwith. I was so pleased with myself. It was the first time in my life that I felt I could trust myself to deal with people effectively. Thank you.
@Visible.Friend 3 жыл бұрын
That’s so cool!
@strangelitgirl 2 жыл бұрын
Yay! That’s beautiful. ❤️. I’m struggling with the trusting myself and struggling with that I’m an ok person even. I just found this channel and her insights really clicked with me immediately I felt it.
@rumdo5617 2 жыл бұрын
@@strangelitgirl Thank you - but I fell flat on my face when I tried to deal with a similar situation this week! I guess it’s trial and error and you have to just get over your failures but TRYING is the main thing. Yeah - this is a great, helpful channel. Good luck to you ❣️
@bea3045 2 жыл бұрын
@@rumdo5617 yep that’s my life! A cycle of trials and errors. Your comment encouraged me though. It’s easy to get discouraged once you finally feel you’re getting a handle on things and healing and then you suddenly fail. Just don’t get discouraged though. Accept the fact that you have a right to fail at times as you go through this tough process.
@katea9748 2 жыл бұрын
What is the morning routine?
@tomdixon1213 3 жыл бұрын
The moment I realize that somebody isn’t listening to what I am saying I stop in mid sentence and walk away. It doesn’t matter if it is a family member or somebody public. I feel better just saying this here now.
@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 жыл бұрын
Glad you feel comfortable sharing !
@allisong.4280 3 жыл бұрын
One day I hope I can be this bold
@movingonandup322 3 жыл бұрын
If I did that, I would speak in half sentences all day long. Lol!
@raymondvaughn9723 3 жыл бұрын
I finally started just stopping like that. No walk away. That's pouting to me. Sometimes you need to give them a most subtle signal they are not being respectful.
@ashleeskhan4075 2 жыл бұрын
I do the same thing.
@JCA51698 3 жыл бұрын
Growing up I developed a habit of speaking rapidly because I had only seconds to get my point across before someone inevitably cut me off or talked over me. Not being able to contribute to conversations because it seemed like nobody ever stopped talking so there was no room for me to add anything. Sometimes I would literally have to fight to have a voice or I would just sit there like a lump on a log.
@JanGroh 3 жыл бұрын
I've found this common in families with ADHD. So many fast talkers and interrupters - if you don't scramble you literally truly can't get a word in edge or otherwise.
@momtosaoirse 3 жыл бұрын
Oh my gosh same thing happened to me. I felt invisible. I still feel invisible in my own family sometimes.
@jayneelinor 3 жыл бұрын
This is still the case in my family, Everyone just talks over each other and I usually just give up trying.
@darkhelmetsplane 3 жыл бұрын
Me too! This is the reason I grew horns on my head.
@pinkiescott672 3 жыл бұрын
😢😢 I know the feeling
@vanessasouthern1792 3 жыл бұрын
It's the not being believed. Its like being gas lighted all over again. Sends a person insane.
@carolm9996 3 жыл бұрын
OMG, YES!!!!!
@krystalrussell38 3 жыл бұрын
Yes, indeed! I hate gaslighting.
@juliebraden4865 3 жыл бұрын
I hear u. I guess a person has to live it to understand. I understand and feel your pain. 🥺❤
@juliebraden4865 3 жыл бұрын
It's like being gaslighted over and over. Why?
@drearypoet5603 3 жыл бұрын
@@juliebraden4865 Because others are devalueing your feelings, and turning it around in you as if there's no valid reason for you to feel how you feel or be how you are..
@kirstenanderson7313 3 жыл бұрын
It is FAR better to be alone, than to settle for anyone who de-values you. Never settle for anyone, or anything, because that is what you feel you deserve.
@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 жыл бұрын
Yup!
@kattyk6370 3 жыл бұрын
Exactly.
@wholeshebang1 3 жыл бұрын
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy - You might want to check the 18 *identical,* copy & pasted replies by “Janice Winsor,” who has replied above me in this thread, as well as to 17 other comments by your viewers. She has only made 1 follow-up comment in a thread further down. This “person” could be a bot. She has posted the same reply about “being the last of 14 children” and prefering texting.
@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 жыл бұрын
Thanks for heads up.
@redboar 3 жыл бұрын
@@wholeshebang1 AI bots are very common on YT nowadays.
@jeffharper9703 3 жыл бұрын
I WUZ TOLD: KIDS SHOULD BE SEEN BUT NOT HEARD
@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 жыл бұрын
Serious old school cruelty.
@krystalrussell38 3 жыл бұрын
That's wrong!
@krystalrussell38 3 жыл бұрын
Kids have needs and the right to be heard.
@krystalrussell38 3 жыл бұрын
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy exactly! I told my step mom if you don't like it you can change it.
@darkhelmetsplane 3 жыл бұрын
I was told the exact same thing! I was also told as a teenager "your life is not yours".
@Trendlespin 3 жыл бұрын
OH my word I have always felt this way, people talk right over me or ignore me. And people never listen they just want to talk, it is partly why I started writing, so I could get a sentence out without being interrupted.
@Jules-zg1ip Жыл бұрын
THIS!!!❤
@angiep3346 Жыл бұрын
Same here. Writing has helped me heal tremendously. ❤
@MerryLozza Жыл бұрын
💯
@kikilynn1167 3 жыл бұрын
3:15 "No good thing ever comes from trying to make a relationship work with someone who doesn't care about you." People who care about you are present and they hear you.
@lionesss06 2 жыл бұрын
Hit hard 😪
@Alinda1308 2 жыл бұрын
The problem is when you need to have a relationship with that person because is part of your family... 🙄😓😢
@zoeesperanza6704 3 жыл бұрын
I express myself, and some people just talk over me, and assume how I feel... They don't listen to my true feelings.
@lisajohnson6351 3 жыл бұрын
zoe Espy I’m just curious...how do you pick these people to be in your life?
@zoeesperanza6704 3 жыл бұрын
@@lisajohnson6351 sometimes I feel like I have a sign over my head, and I attract people who hurt me... My Therapist is the only one who validates my feelings, and listens.
@lisajohnson6351 3 жыл бұрын
zoe Espy maybe you could use some boundaries to protect you. There’s probably videos on here about that 😁
@Claymoreinurface 3 жыл бұрын
I get this. I’m honest about how I feel and I’m direct, I hope. People still assume and make up their own story not paying attention to mine. I realized I can only be my own best friend.
@carolm9996 3 жыл бұрын
Same here Zoe
@pinklilyblossom 3 жыл бұрын
I’m really calm and quiet most of the time but not being heard can be a massive trigger to a big melt down for me. When it happens I can’t seem to calm down either
@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 жыл бұрын
I truly understand!
@pinklilyblossom 3 жыл бұрын
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy makes me feel like I’m a crazy person because I’m so reasonable like 99% of the time
@kleanne58 Жыл бұрын
@@pinklilyblossom Same
@Imokay1695 8 ай бұрын
Same...
@llove8283 3 жыл бұрын
I have found that people who have not gone through the same kind of childhoods that we have really can't understand how we feel. They can be compassionate and empathetic but will never TRULY understand.
@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 жыл бұрын
Yes, it seems that way.
@mswriter3612 3 жыл бұрын
Yes , and I like how Anna teaches that healing is a very personal thing that takes time and we dont need to worry about those who judge and say "Get over it" . We need to unpack our issues , as our heart leads us into truth
@lisajohnson6351 3 жыл бұрын
L Love I don’t know if I’d agree with that because I really think I had a pretty great childhood but I can so relate to so much of what “the crappy childhood fairy” is saying. I’ve lost all those people who loved me in the last decade and I have ADHD that I’ve been trying to get help for and that has caused me extreme PTSD...and the problems she talks about are exactly what I am experiencing.
@laurenpaterson3475 3 жыл бұрын
L Love yes I agree. Y parents had nasty fight in front of me a d my brother they were terrifying I now try and visualise myself Rescuing myself and hugging me when I was in middle of these fights and say it was not fair this was too scary
@esotericsolitaire 3 жыл бұрын
Absolutely.
@LoveBeliefTruth 3 жыл бұрын
Or parents who where narcissisticly very selfabsorbed and getting enjoyment, feeling of power from childs emotional pain and fear.
@Mauteaches 3 жыл бұрын
Both my parents! One was covert, the other an overt. Classic narcissist family with Golden child, middle ignored, scapegoat, etc. i thought every family was the same way. Now that I raised 3 children and have young grandchildren, I am angered by what my parents did!
@amandac7056 3 жыл бұрын
@@Mauteaches same. ❤️
@ashtontarot2824 3 жыл бұрын
I had a dream last night where I was sitting with my husband surrounded by his family and friends and everytime I would add to the conversation my voice would instantly get muted like in a movie or something and all you can hear is the other people talking over me. No matter how loud I screamed or talked none of the words I wanted to say would come out, my mouth was moving but no sound. I came to the conclusion that I am subconsciously struggling with not feeling heard by others and here I am! Thanks for sharing.
@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 жыл бұрын
I relate to that dream feeling so much. Thanks for sharing it with us.
@icantdance6813 3 жыл бұрын
I hear you loud and clear mama! You matter.
@QueenYak 3 жыл бұрын
@d b That stinks. Sorry to hear this.
@laurar8486 3 жыл бұрын
@Denna Morrizzo I'm sorry that happened to you. That sounds really painful.
@laurar8486 3 жыл бұрын
@d b That must be awful. I'm sorry to hear you are going through this.
@sandydepoy9396 2 жыл бұрын
I used to have nightmares that I was screaming at my mother and she just stood there, aloof, like I wasn't even there, and raise her shoulder that one way, like "oh well, I don't care." That's how my whole childhood was. She was extremely passive aggressive and cold. To this day I yell and scream to get heard. If I'm not heard it makes me extremely angry, because it feels like I'm being disregarded and disrespected.
@dannewth225 3 жыл бұрын
This I got past. Having my writing published (in a newspaper) multiple times, doing homeless advocacy, and doing a lot of volunteer work. All this late in life. But the first forty years of my life I didn't get my voice heard. Now if someone doesn't have listening skills or always dominates the conversation they are no longer in my life. When I talk I try to be clear and concise. I am respectful of other people time and energy. I am unwilling to just sit and listen to people ramble on and on
@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 жыл бұрын
Self-possessed.
@jtrose6995 3 жыл бұрын
Grats on having work published...awesome! 👏🏻
@dannewth225 3 жыл бұрын
@GoShiggyGo the surest path to happiness is building community by helping others. It is being accepted by community that helps reduce internal voices and fears. With persistence you can become grounded in this. For me the paranoia became more manageable. I still get triggered, but I have a sense that it is temporary. I've seen others transformed by this as well. It can be addictive so keeping balance is key. We are special in that we have insight, empathy humility, and ability to communicate at a high level.
@celesteinman56 3 жыл бұрын
This is why a good bartender or hairdresser is so valuable. LOL
@H000REI 3 жыл бұрын
Some of the most predatory people I've ever met have been bartenders. Remember they're selling you poison while entertaining your words.
@clairebeane3455 3 жыл бұрын
@@fionaerskine-smith1423 Please, to the people speaking down concerning bartenders. We babysit you in your drunken stupor. I have been a bartender for years. I listen to everyone and I don’t give a hoot about how much they tip … also, I am rarely, if ever actually “heard”. The person listening the hardest never is. It’s BS. I came here looking for encouragement and this is the first thing I read. Thanks guys. You’re all real peaches.
@RevTurtle 2 жыл бұрын
@@clairebeane3455 maybe this is encouragement to stop enabling drinking and use your compassion in a healthy environment.
@madesimple101 2 жыл бұрын
It sucks to have to pay someone to listen to you. Problem is, you walk away alone when all you want is someone to join you on the ride.
@maris9559 2 жыл бұрын
😂
@MmmKayHuuNay 3 жыл бұрын
I finally let go of my family this year. I expect nothing from them, When I see them it's like strangers. I like that, no anxiety I just see them as random people. I don't see them often at all anyway, which is also great.
@laurar8486 3 жыл бұрын
I went NC with my mom last April. Best thing I ever did. She wasn't happy of course, b/c she raised me to be her caretaker when I was a small child and always talked about how she was going to die. She constantly lied to me and manipulated me. I'm an only child. Now she is going to have to figure it out all by herself. She can't make a friend to save her life and has no family nearby. My husband will help her out if need be (I didn't totally kick her to the curb), but I never want to see her again.
@jtrose6995 3 жыл бұрын
i get it me too...but its sad and not how i wish it would be
@lilac9240 3 жыл бұрын
I did the same thing. It's such an awful and deeply sad thing to have no choice but to cut off your family from your life for your own well-being. Sad but necessary. People with supportive family will never understand this.
@ynntari2775 3 жыл бұрын
I already see them as strangers while living with them. They've always been random strangers that won't leave me in peace and will do anything to make absolutely every single aspect of my life the worst and most difficult as possible by any means necessary. They never felt like family.
@petestevens3970 3 жыл бұрын
When working through these matters, a therapist told me the goal towards family was indifference, which I am finally reaching.
@Myspirit904 3 жыл бұрын
I was never allowed to express myself. If I was happy, I was told I was being phony. If sad or angry, the message was that I had some kind of nerve feeling that way and it was just “too bad”. I am so thankful for finding this channel...I listened to the one on Covert Avoidance first and found it by chance...and felt like a window of fresh air has opened for me. I haven’t been able to get enough of your videos since. Thank you 💕
@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 жыл бұрын
Thank you for sharing, so glad you found the community :) -Cara@TeamFairy
@liznorth4028 3 жыл бұрын
I had an aunt who used to use jabs any time she judged i was too happy. Now i realize she was projecting her own unhappiness onto me, seething that i was happy and determined i was fake. I did have happy times even growing up in a mob family, and maybe? bullies see it as a loss of their control.. Sometimes i still I look back and try to make some sense of it..
@Myspirit904 3 жыл бұрын
@@liznorth4028 I can completely relate to this.... I, too, sometimes try to analyze it with a now adult mind and emotion
@baudelairefleurant7359 Жыл бұрын
Iv happy you found this channel. I just found this channel. Iv went through the exact thing.
@baudelairefleurant7359 Жыл бұрын
@@liznorth4028 They ate soooooo evil. Just like my older brother.
@rebeccajones8628 3 жыл бұрын
You attract people who deep down will not listen. When you set the boundary after being say stood up, they get upset! Imagine. So I am learning from you that it is not my problem, it is theirs.
@boop7313 3 жыл бұрын
BOOM! This^^^ exactly!
@brendareed5050 3 жыл бұрын
@Rebecca Jones I heard her say that it could be both people who can be partially responsible. Fully blaming the other person can keep us from not looking at our ourselves and accepting that we may have some responsibility for our hurts and actions.
@Tracymmo 3 жыл бұрын
I'm cautious about the word "attract" when we talk about unhealthy relationships. We don't attract others who are unhealthy so much as fail to see red flags.
@josephinetyree1476 3 жыл бұрын
@@brendareed5050 I agree and I have been abused from early on....
@puggirl415 3 жыл бұрын
Sure it gets me when I don't think my partner is present and hearing me but what really gives my confidence a beating is when I'm hanging with my women friends and while conversating I notice a couple of things that make me feel unheard and have hurt feelings: I am asked a question and when I start to answer someone interrupts and begins to talk over me with their contribution before I've finished answering. It makes me feel invisible and on the periphery, not valued etc. I have tried to ask to be able to finish and the looks that gets! Not worth it. The other thing is when I'm trying to connect and I ask someone about themselves and they tell me but don't ask me back anything about me. This is a dead end for connection usually. I tend to blame myself for these failures, but it makes me mad to blame myself and resentment grows for all the self-centeredness that we have to deal with. It definitely has it's origins in my family dynamic but when following the common advice for connecting with others it seems not to work well or bring about any connection at all. It must be my perception and my expectations but gosh how do I go around not caring about this when no one else seems to?
@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 жыл бұрын
Aside from the possibility that your friends are just kinda self-centered, it's possible that you have different conversational styles -- overlapping talk is normal and common with some people (it's something I love about East Coast people) and not the same as Indifference. But if it shuts you down, then maybe it's time for some friends that are more your style!
@freezo244 3 жыл бұрын
I could’ve written this. Exactly. Theirs may be a diff conversational style (talking over others) but 1) it sure is unfeeling to not notice someone in your group is struggling to be heard and 2) it sure shuts me down.
@imwatching2960 3 жыл бұрын
Exactly the same with me
@laabsenceofcol8079 3 жыл бұрын
I think that we are super sensitive to being "ignored" whereas the friends aren't hypervigilant to it. Minor things affect us more deeply because we have an open wound there.
@TheWBWoman 3 жыл бұрын
I really relate to the asking new people about themselves and them, 99% of the time, not asking me anything back about myself. Sometimes I feel like I live in a world of self-centered people. The very rare 1% of the time where someone asks me something back after I've listened to them and asked them questions, I know that I'm talking to a really GOOD hearted person. (Except for with men, if they are sexually interested in you, they will fake the being interested & asking questions part for awhile so you have to take their initial interest with a big grain of salt until you can see if it's real or a facade.)
@cirelo1896 3 жыл бұрын
I have people interrupt me alot or even walk out of the room or start talking to somebody else when I'm talking. Sometimes somebody will start looking at their phone or start doing some other activity while I'm talking. it's often in a conversation where they've expressed their opinion and then I'm taking my turn and then I get cut off. it makes it hard for me to finish my sentences strongly which I sort of feel reinforces the problem. I never know what's appropriate whether I should just force my opinion through or just trail off and disappear. I often wonder whether they are being triggered by having to hear my opinion, but it makes me feel invalidated to not have an opportunity to express my side of things.
@Mourning_Dove 3 жыл бұрын
That's a good question. I don't know how to handle that awkwardness either, but realize this...they are the one who did this to you. It is about them and their rudeness. Nothing about you. Sometimes I just walk away. It's not even worth it to tell them how you feel.
@sophiesmom746 3 жыл бұрын
They are just showing you who they are. If they do it to you, they will do it to others.
@margyrowland 3 жыл бұрын
Me too 💖
@thatswhatisaid8908 3 жыл бұрын
This happens to me too. It makes me narky. Sometimes i get passive-aggressive. I say things i don't mean to say. It's particularly infuriating when someone listens patiently to another person repeating themselves, and when i make a concise statement, they act as if i haven't spoken at all. And all i can think is, "what's wrong with me?"
@hunterfishergather6879 3 жыл бұрын
@@thatswhatisaid8908 Yes I have this problem. with my dad. He goes on and on; and I listen. Then when I try to say something, he interrupts me or changes the subject; as if what I have to say doesn't matter (infuriating/hurtful to say the least). Then to add insult to injury, over the years he has told me that I never listen.
@polsondemott16 3 жыл бұрын
I like that she points out that sometimes they can't hear just because of their own stuff. Another example is being in a relationship with someone with adhd. Sometimes they are physically unable to focus on you. It's a lot easier to forgive in this case but it is still triggering nonetheless
@JanGroh 3 жыл бұрын
So much this, yes.
@ngeee10 3 жыл бұрын
Yes! My husband has adhd is a great person but man I feel like im talking to a wall.
@janethagen3385 3 жыл бұрын
It took me a very long time to understand that ADHD & ADD adults trigger me. I don’t feel listened to or heard, I feel used by them as they dump all their one way emotions on me. One time, I sat in a church for 9 years before leaving that church. He was a very friendly & loving shepherd, but ADD. I NEVER felt heard by him. One Sunday I’d had enough and I left and never went back. 20 years goes by and we run into this man. He spends 30 min. completely talking over me & talking about himself. TRIGGERD!!!! I was upset for 3 solid days.
@JanGroh 3 жыл бұрын
@@janethagen3385 Same. I first thought they were all narcissists, but I've since learned some just don't even realize they are doing this. (Lack self-awareness of their motor mouth/steamrolling trait. But they're sorry when you call them out/stop them.) And... I now recognize the trait in myself too. Though I "trained" myself to actively listen 30 years ago when someone first called me out. I'm also more "codependent" than most of my friends - meaning, I bend over backward for you to people please. I'm slowly learning to have better boundaries, and politely (or not so politely) interrupt and either stop them, or leave. Most don't mean to steam roll us. Others - possibly covert or rarely overt narcissists also, possibly due to being steamrolled *themselves* I suspect - it's "their way or the hiway". (See - my ex boyfriends.) We just have to develop much better boundaries, as they aren't likely to change. If someone is worth the effort, find a way to work with them, maybe even agree on a "safe word". (I'm increasingly easily overwhelmed in a sensory way as I age - I suspect "occult" , that is, less visible/apparent autism in myself now too.) If we are just being doormats/too nice, that's on us. Glad you got up and left finally that church. Also, it runs clearly in my family of origin - whence I'm so triggered- I was steamrolled by them out of the gate, sigh. No wonder I don't feel like I matter much. But I'm starting to. Finally. Ahh...
@livethelawofone27 3 жыл бұрын
My daughter and I both have ADD. We are loving people, but we are literally driven to distraction. We are learning how to communicate better. Please don't hate all of us ADDers. We're doing the best we can.
@Psychicmediumrebeccak 3 жыл бұрын
I have reoccurring nightmares where I'm trying to talk but no words are coming out.
@Acetyl53 3 жыл бұрын
I used to as well. It was always coupled with sleep paralysis and a "false awakening". The dream is that I wake up paralyzed in bed, I feel this threatening presence, I eventually manage to move enough to fall out of bed, hit the floor, and I'm laying there unable to speak. I wake up in bed afterwards.
@prestons9305 3 жыл бұрын
You stutter in your dreams. That sucks. Stuttering in rl really sucks.
@Psychicmediumrebeccak 3 жыл бұрын
@@prestons9305 I've stuttered in real life and I've mumbled because the words just didn't come out. I freeze and can't say anything.
@Tasha8626 11 ай бұрын
I needed this video. I feel like I am about to explode. At this point I don’t feel like anyone hears me. I am working in a toxic work environment and I’m finally coming to terms through therapy that my mother is a narcissist. So whenever I do speak to her about anything she minimizes it and makes me feel as if I’m overreacting and I shouldn’t let what my coworkers are doing to me have this big of an impact. When I tell her she doesn’t understand, she then compares my experience to hers at work and all she went through and how she handled it and didn’t allow it to beak her. Yet I’m also in graduate school, and doing an internship. Something she has never done. So she still couldn’t comprehend the magnitude of pressure I’m dealing with. I literally feel like I’m about to explode.
@maarakailet1 3 жыл бұрын
I hate it when someone responds or answers a question that is different than what I had said. It reinforces that somehow I must communicate differently. I also constantly project this, having grown up being told over and over I talk too much, or my topics are weird or boring. *Edit* Ha! At 4:15 you described my entire childhood through my 20s in a couple of sentences. Once I was able to finally accept that my mother
@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 жыл бұрын
It just makes my day when I find out that I'm not alone, either!
@Tackitt 3 жыл бұрын
I feel this. I also often have people get hung up on a single word or phrase and completely ignore the point.
@gertrudewest4535 Жыл бұрын
People don’t really listen.. its a skill. Our culture is infantile and narcissistic. I have learned to not waste my time and move on.
@selah7778 3 жыл бұрын
I' m unheard and uncared for. I'm disassociated and not connected at this point. This is by my aide and mostly my doctors and the people in my apartment complex. I try to have as little contact with people as possible at this point such as turning off my phone etc. I can't feel or cry but I find enjoyment on the internet and tv still.
@Shaumbrahedvig 3 жыл бұрын
I was never allowed to speak for myself. Whenever anybody would ask me anything, and I tried to answer, I would be talked over and interrupted. So now I have problems getting extremely stressed when I talk to people, feeling like I am going to be silenced at any moment, and of course it put a strain on my communication with people. Ad to that the fear of not being heard... it’s a problem. Now if people try to shush me or silence me, it is completely triggering.
@wholeshebang1 3 жыл бұрын
@@janicewinsor4793 - Here you are again, with your cut-&-pasted reply that you’ve posted on 17 other people’s comment threads for this video. How annoying.
@stellabandante2727 3 жыл бұрын
The description of assaulting people with words when you feel the urgency to be understood really hits home. I am very verbal, and my communications take the form of emails. So many people have told me that it's too much, including people I really love. Thanks for what you do. I benefit greatly from your videos.
@wholeshebang1 3 жыл бұрын
@@janicewinsor4793 - Can you write anything other than this exact same comment in almost every person’s comment thread for this video? I have counted 18 instances, and it seems like harassment and abuse of this forum and its participants.
@visionvixxen 3 жыл бұрын
@@wholeshebang1 you need to stop telling everyone this. Strange? Wondering what’s going on for you?
@wholeshebang1 3 жыл бұрын
@@visionvixxen - Janice Winsor was spamming many comment threads. I let Crappy Childhood Fairy know, about 10 comments beneath this thread, she acknowledged it, and Janice Winsor’s comments no longer exist. So, I wonder what your issue is in me pointing out someone who repeatedly spammed the comments section with what was an identical, cut & paste reply on at least 18 people’s comment posts, many of which had nothing to do with what she wrote.
@shauna6815 3 жыл бұрын
I'm finding that with the ones who I feel unheard by I don't care for as much. That's my current response. I really need to choose who I like and let that be motivating, rather than trying to like people who I had a history with.
@bigddh78 3 жыл бұрын
Your awesome, your words are EXACTLY what I'm needing to hear,wish it'd been bout 20 years ago tho😢
@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 жыл бұрын
I wish I knew all this 20 years ago too (LOL). Thanks for your kind words.
@wholeshebang1 3 жыл бұрын
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy - “Janice Winsor” has left the identical, copy-&-paste reply as in 17 other comments threads. This is annoying spam.
@momcc7882 3 жыл бұрын
Same here I wish I knew all of these long time ago😢
@simplicity6564 3 жыл бұрын
I watched this video a couple of weeks ago. Then, a couple of days ago I had an interaction with the head of our transportation department. I don't have much respect for this person as a manager, yet he's the one that was around to report a safety issue to. Of course, his response was truly indifferent to the safety issue. It triggered me. The internal conversation and scenarios started playing out. Then, I remembered this video. It didn't automatically stop the internal dialogue, but I was able to catch myself and say "Ah, I know what's happening!". I soothed myself emotionally (self care) and then logically processed what I was experiencing. I turned around that it wasn't that I wasn't worth being heard, it was that this person isn't doing their job well. First time, in 64 years, that realization, that it was more them than me, has occurred. Yay!
@joyfulone1816 3 жыл бұрын
Anna Runkle, you're a treasure and i am so thankful you were born! I bid you abundant peace, overflowing love, and unending joy. Also many loaves and fish, much oil, and companionship the rest of your days little sister 💚🧡💛
@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 жыл бұрын
Thank you for this extra loving message!
@RosePetal17 3 жыл бұрын
I just had an experience two minutes ago! A "friend," just said "I'm not interested in this." I am furious, sad, and I want to cut this person out. She is blunt, rude and completely self centred. I feel like such a victim right now! I just found you, and I had no idea this was a "thing." I put everything back on me. This is not a romantic interest, this is a (so called) friend. I'm done!
@wholeshebang1 3 жыл бұрын
@@janicewinsor4793 - You have posted the identical reply (above ^ ) in 17 other comment threads. Why are you doing that? It’s annoying because it often has no context to the original comment.
@diane9247 3 жыл бұрын
You could use that energy in a much more enjoyable way! There are just some people who are a waste of our time. 😫😊
@liznorth4028 3 жыл бұрын
That friend spoke how she feels. I hope you'll reconsider when you are calm... The daily practice has helped me with this so much..i hope youll consider doing it.
@georgesonm1774 5 ай бұрын
Yeah, you probably know best... BUT - consider this: the friend might be having CPTSD too, or similar issues (ADHD maybe?) As a people pleaser with ADHD and boundary problems, after over 30 years of trying to be this 'perfect listener' and trying to cater to everyone's needs, never being able to say 'no', I've begun to say it (with much tremor) to friends and other people: 'sorry I don't feel like meeting you today', 'I'm tired of talking' etc. I simply don't have as much space for everyone else's problems nowadays - I need to guard my space so that I can have it for my own thoughts. And some less well-regulated friends used to abuse my openness by endlessly calling me and never picking up on subtle cues that 'I was tired' or 'didn't feel well' or whatever. Some of them could talk for hours about their own stuff, very self-centered (not always their fault, but I couldn't set any boundary with them, fearing they might go to a rage or get offended). Obviously, I try to be a little more polite in my wording, but the gist is the same. It's healing. Some people might have problems with wording things differently, so might come off rude - maybe consider why they'd say such a thing, what made them say this? Being a victim makes us see things in a very black and white manner, externalizing the blame and never really seeing the full picture. Just my 5 cents
@Fluidx808 3 жыл бұрын
I have experienced this throughout my life. Have never been ensnared in a narcissist relationship, so that wasn't an issue. It has happened in many scenarios, even minor ones. I always thought it was two things: 1. not being "heard" as a child (no empathy towards me, no one to help, no one really interested in who I truly was) and 2. not having enough confidence and self-worth. I would look at people who, when they walked into a room, everyone would automatically respect. They had an aura about them. I couldn't figure out why I didn't have/couldn't have that aura. It seemed as though my only recourse was to fight to be heard, because that's what happened growing up, I started to fight back and rebel. I didn't really want to fight to be heard and didn't want to come across as difficult at times. Would try to be nice at first, but if a situation got critical (to me), I would fight. I could relate to this video a bit, but not really. Yes I have CPTSD.
@nataliabogdanova2816 3 жыл бұрын
Totally agree about the “certain aura” I think we can make it better by working on our self-love (I know it’s hard!!!)
@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 жыл бұрын
You might like my video from April that is about that "aura" thing: kzfaq.info/get/bejne/jZiblLB3ttqVmKs.html
@nataliabogdanova2816 3 жыл бұрын
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy Thank you Anna! I followed the link and saw that I already have my "like" in there ;) Well I watched it again of course! 💚🙏🏻
@Fluidx808 3 жыл бұрын
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy That video was pretty bang on! Thanks :)
@NonyaSmith 3 жыл бұрын
I can totally relate to this.
@jadegreen1554 2 жыл бұрын
There is a definite mismatch with what is being heard and what is being said. Sometimes if you record a conversation and listen back (or read a string of text messages that derailed) in a less dysregulated state, it is interesting how things can sound so different from another perspective. You can hear how your tone of voice or the things you might say to cope is somehow sending a different message from what you are feeling. Getting closer to expressing “accurately/authentically” is so crucial and it is unnerving.
@vickieheather9682 Жыл бұрын
I am getting good at discussing these things and getting across my intensions. If another person has no interest in changing the dynamics of the relationship as you might, then move on. It is just sad to have another ending. Every ending seems to push me to a higher understanding of me and what I am interested in living with in my day to day life. The other person may be a fine person, but if they are emotionally unavailable and have no interest in changing for the relationship, then...you can only stay and expect nothing more, or move on.
@uniquelymyart 3 жыл бұрын
Thank you for this video Anna. On top of the problems I have had to deal with from childhood trauma, the realisation that those my silence protected for so long did not actually care about me at all was the final betrayal. The fear of abandoment in me fully manifested in my world. I have survived that, because I learned as a child how to survive, and I am definitely better off without their hypocritical sense of love/caring/loyalty. As much as it was not their intention to help me at all, showing their true colors freed me from them. Onward and upward, maybe slowly, but I am not going backwards for any more scraps of love from the dining room table.
@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 жыл бұрын
YES! The feast of live awaits you!
@josephinetyree1476 3 жыл бұрын
I TRULY ..wish YOU ...ALL lifes bests ..from one who is 'still' in the mist ..of abuse...
@uniquelymyart 3 жыл бұрын
@Josephine Tyree Thank you so much for your kindness. May it come back to you 100 fold as you begin to heal from your own abuse and experience ALL of the bests that life can offer you as well. Many blessings to you.❤️💜❤️
@uniquelymyart 3 жыл бұрын
@Crappy Childhood Fairy Thank you Anna . ❤️💜❤️
@kvk4643 3 жыл бұрын
The crappy childhood angel
@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 жыл бұрын
Aw. Thanks.
@monaqueeney6885 3 жыл бұрын
Hm. I completely understand every single thing you’ve expressed about not being heard, the triggers that come from dysregulation, the exasperation, the inevitable discard by one side or the other. Why has therapy sucked so bad and taken the obvious so far out of the equation? I feel like I am done with the anger , blaming and shaming based therapies. This is useful and well articulated honest talk I can connect and work with. Thank you.
@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 жыл бұрын
Welcome!
@livethelawofone27 3 жыл бұрын
Finally! Someone "gets" me. Thank you, Crappy Childhood Fairy 🙏
@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 жыл бұрын
So glad it resonates!
@elizabethgil4135 3 жыл бұрын
I also grew up with an alcoholic mom... and so much disfunction. When my husband turns into that little boy....guilt trips....I’m not giving enough...I really try to hear him but then I fall into self protection...I sadly had to leave. It was exactly how you explained it. Manipulating 😣... , it was so horrible for us both in different ways. I really hope my husband finds this Chanel...he is a good person and it was so bad what we went through🙏I’d listen... but then he would repeat for what could be hours literally !
@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 жыл бұрын
Those of us with alcoholic parents have some specific challenges, This min-course may be very helpful to you bit.ly/3608opl
@alaniadante 3 жыл бұрын
I love the loving way you explain how to look at our shadowsides and learn to accept them. Thanks a lot
@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 жыл бұрын
Thank you!
@Dr.A.Rosenberg 3 жыл бұрын
I love your videos ! I never even knew that " Childhood PTSD " existed before I came across your channel . A lot of people are misdiagnosed with : ADHD , because the symptoms are so similar !
@SusanaXpeace2u 3 жыл бұрын
It's just my parents. Other people react in a normal way. I did attract a man who also WOULD NOT HEAR when I was younger though. I talk as clearly and directly as I can to my parents but they have made up their minds about everything. They back each other up. When my mother hurt me, and I told her that she hurt me and told her why, they both got really angry with me. My hurt is in their eyes an act of aggression I have perpetrated against them. I have to expect nothing from them. My brother is trying to smooth things over but they think they are deciding whether or not to forgive me.
@strangeland4062 3 жыл бұрын
sounds just like the relationship I had with my parents. My brother (and the rest of the fam) goes to bat for my parents though, so I'm the odd person out.
@NonyaSmith 3 жыл бұрын
Classic narcs.
@KalicoKat86 3 жыл бұрын
I can relate with my parents. When people have someone to back them up but you don’t, you loose. Very frustrating. I learned to go silent very young for many reasons.
@rockstarofredondo 3 жыл бұрын
Same. Just my parents and brother, who will ask me questions then talk over me as I’m in the midst of answering. Most other people I interact with listen quite well or at least sufficiently.
@bygraceonly182 2 жыл бұрын
Whoa Susan, I have the exact same thing with my parents. I’m so sorry you are going through this too. It’s like a betrayal because these are the people who are supposed to understand you and love you best.
@thepoetstone 3 жыл бұрын
Your content is very helpful. Your word choice and tone convey both empathy and instruction. Many things said resonate with me and are things I’ve not heard elsewhere. I am incredibly grateful for these videos. 🙏🏻💙
@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 жыл бұрын
Thank you, I'm so glad you're here.
@sarahs.6377 2 жыл бұрын
Thanks for calling me out on being manipulative. Seriously, I don't think about it, but it is far kinder for me to be direct than "nicely suggest" my needs.
@gingerlori52 3 жыл бұрын
That's why I love and collect quotes. They are so succinct. - it helps me organize and clarify my ADHD mind!
@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 жыл бұрын
Interesting! -Cara@TeamFairy
@lionesss06 2 жыл бұрын
I do this also but never realised it helped me actually!
@kathyduer7108 11 ай бұрын
I had zero voice growing up. Children werent supposed to be seen or heard. In school I had to stay home on days when I needed to give an oral book report or speech or anything that drew attention to myself. People thought I was just shy. They still do and I am 70. This channel has been a true gift for me. Thank you Fairy. You are also an angel ❤😇
@laurieowen8696 3 жыл бұрын
I worked 25 years in social work and I've had my own massage therapy practice for 15 years. I've had the privilege of being a part of many aspects of healing, but you've really put it all in an amazing venue. You've become my new, biggest and best resource. Many blessings to you. Thank you so much.
@lesliesheridan9169 3 жыл бұрын
Sheesh...its like that song - killing me softly... like e very word you say is from my own mind...so articulate ..so many nails hit right on my head
@Jane-mb8jj 3 жыл бұрын
Thank you for making this, I am trying to fix my natural responses. I don't mean to manipulate but I don't want to do it anymore. I hate it.
@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 жыл бұрын
Yes!
@rocwilder85 2 жыл бұрын
I have a partner who has had a traumatic childhood (CPTSD), and she often tells me how she doesn’t know why people can’t understand her, and that it frustrates her. I try my best to understand her and listen to her but at times, we may fool around and I do/say something unintentionally that triggers her. She will tell me how she doesn’t like it and I apologize and let her know that I wasn’t being serious and I don’t think of her in a negative light. I always tell her how much of a strong woman she is and that she is very smart. I always support her and there to listen. I try my best to not trigger her but sometimes we can be joking and I step on an unknown eggshell. By all means, I try not to hurt her because she means a whole lot to me. Unfortunately she got really overwhelmed the last time when we were having a playful conversation, and is frustrated why I keep doing it. She tells me that she knows she isn’t perfect either w/ the way she is handling her emotions on the situation but can’t understand why she isn’t being heard. She opened to me that when she isn’t being heard, it feels like when she was younger and was assaulted by her family member when she trying to tell them to stop. It makes her feel small and ignored. It scares her as well. I am trying my best to listen to her and see how can I do better but I think she is done. We only been dating for a short time and she just doesn’t want to deal w/ the push and pull of a relationship, while I am here to grow and learn w/ the person. It makes me feel bad and that I should’ve done better.
@helenhighwater5313 3 жыл бұрын
Once I was out in the world interacting with "normal" people, I had difficulty dealing with being taken seriously, which was a totally new experience for me, not really knowing how to respond. I'm sure I alienated people that way, unintentionally, having experienced serial ghosting as a result.
@blackphillip2393 3 жыл бұрын
You're a healer, lady. You're have a positive effect out here. Thanks for putting yourself out there. Its a good thing.
@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 жыл бұрын
Aw, thank you @Black_Phillip. I appreciate that.
@zenawarrior7442 3 жыл бұрын
So true. Avoid the narcissists...they trigger you & only leads down a hole. Yes when am really upset, the intensity can overwhelm some...never scares me tho as I've been informally counselling my whole life so no emotion is unknown. I have learned to just be real. Thank you💛😊
@lisajohnson6351 3 жыл бұрын
Zena Warrior and avoid the narcissists because they are narcissists!
@drakotondramavo4522 5 ай бұрын
Its powerful when the healer actually went through the things !!!! So powerful!!! Thank you!! Send you my love
@celesteinman56 3 жыл бұрын
I talk extra fast because I/m afraid I'll be interrupted or cut off. Like I'm not even there or important.
@ynntari2775 3 жыл бұрын
it's horrorific. the worst part is when people interrupt you because you were speaking fast to shame you for being so awkward. When you were speaking fast to be able to be heard. It's desperating, it tells you that there is nothing you can do to be heard.
@bygraceonly182 2 жыл бұрын
💕 I’m a fast talker and over explainer because I’m worried people will think I’m lying or making things up.
@sage9836 3 жыл бұрын
This message is a healing dose of truth, and well worded. Wow! I must have gone "Wow" ten times and I'm not halfway through.
@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 жыл бұрын
Wow back at ya!
@jacquibevilacqua6715 3 жыл бұрын
This is mind blowing!!
@carolnorton2551 3 жыл бұрын
Or when you are interrupted and THEY finish it or start telling their story.
@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 жыл бұрын
RIght, that too...:)
@trudyfox938 3 жыл бұрын
I call that hijacking. Mid sentence they will interject you with “that’s like me....”
@elizabethgil4135 3 жыл бұрын
Yes! I would do that.., .. shut my heart down close it off and just sit there...holding back tears😓 and listen to complaints and I really gave 1000%
@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 жыл бұрын
So, we realize at some point we are the ones keeping ourselves stuck and we can get better!
@cheriefrench6956 3 жыл бұрын
They don't hear me. They stare. This was worse living out of my own country working in the sf bay area. Ignorant treatment by colleagues at high level in hospital organization. Made it hard to work effectively.
@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 жыл бұрын
Sounds hard!
@CassandraMac 3 жыл бұрын
I've recently (Last 2-3 years) mastered not getting jumbled in the face of things like gaslighting. It requires hypervigilence but the grasp to reality is a fine trade off.
@siennaprice1351 3 жыл бұрын
I have CPTSD, and I’m also on the autism spectrum, and I have a physical disability that I really don’t want to get into. But I definitely had that feeling of being unheard. I used to have a Social media addiction, and always relied on friends on Facebook or specific groups for help. But after awhile, I realized that that wasn’t working. I did try expressing myself about my abuse from my stepmom, but I either call her my psycho mom or my stupid stepmom, because she was that way. But over a month ago, I left Facebook, and have not talked about how I feel in over a month. The only people I really rely on are my husband, my mom, and myself. I’m starting to slowly accept that self love isn’t selfish, and that it’s ok. But I just feel so bad for putting my “friends” in that predicament where I was expressing myself, not always in a good way though. There was lots of self loathing that nobody needed to see. I should’ve been pushing my feelings down and burying them deep from those people. I should’ve been pushing the people who gave me advice or help that wasn’t good, I should’ve been pushing those people away from me. I have a hard time accepting people in my life now, I feel being isolated is my only way to cope. Maybe friends are more harmful to me than they are helpful.
@siennaprice1351 3 жыл бұрын
@@janicewinsor4793 I haven’t texted anyone for awhile now. I’m honestly scared of people, just because I have this feeling that anybody and everybody will hurt me. I feel like I for one, shouldn’t have any friends. I don’t want or need friends. I feel like making friends is more harmful to me than it is helpful. I hope I don’t give up also. I try to keep all my feelings bottled up, even when I feel dysregulated, I ignore the signs, and I say that I’m “ok.” But that’s just because I don’t want to talk or think about what’s triggering me. But then later on, it all comes out in an anger outburst, because I’ve been bottling it all up and hiding it.
@ashdacraft 3 жыл бұрын
I understand this and it’s a horrible cycle. I don’t particular feel sad about not having lots of friends but I’m trying to be “social” and network and things to help with my mental downfalls and isolation. BUT I don’t do well socializing-I overshare trauma immediately. I go months without constant/familiar in real life human interaction. My jobs been remote for 3 years. Outside of my bf and 1 acquaintance I only talk to cashiers irl and Instagram /YT comment sections . I’m so scared of meeting new people because I know I’m “a lot” and can’t regulate it. I m on the spectrum as well and when they ask me general questions about life/friends/family I can’t lie good enough. I have to set alarms on on my phone that say “stop talking” or “one word answer” and also pretend it’s something important to remove myself from the convo and just to regulate my over sharing in group settings. I try but I end up venting and making the mood weird. I make people feel horrible after they talk to me so I’d rather just not talk to anyone because I don’t like spreading negativity. (I know it’s easy to say then don’t but some of my trauma is still fresh)
@siennaprice1351 3 жыл бұрын
@@ashdacraft I totally understand where you’re coming from when you talk about oversharing. I also do that impulsively. But I am trying to work on it. I’ve been also working on bottling up my feelings and saying that I’m ok, even though I’m actually dysregulateed. It’s because I don’t want to talk or think about why I’m dysregulated. I also have a physical disability that I feel so uncomfortable sharing publicly. Just because I get asked stupid questions about it, or people think I’m just crazy and making it up, when I’m clearly not making it up.
@friendalways9140 3 жыл бұрын
This is so amazing, I absolutely use subtle forms of manipulation. I thought that was clear communication! But clear communication is calmly directly saying what I'm feeling the first time. Wow. This is how I freaking push people away. Or- basically my husband. Poor sweet man. And this is another reason to hate myself but I've got to stop living in guilt :(
@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 жыл бұрын
Great self-awareness! That's HUGE!
@NM-vn6bw 2 жыл бұрын
Yes ,I keep telling myself now I know better I can do better.
@leventejuhasz3492 3 жыл бұрын
It is so true, completely on point! Also, kudos for the 50k, nice to see the community growing :)
@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 жыл бұрын
🙌
@suchetadasgupta5299 3 жыл бұрын
Dear fairy, this is the second clip from you that I have been watching today. I am Indian and 47. I have a troubled relationship with my mom and I identify with this feeling a whole lot. Thank you! You are doing such a great job uncovering these emotional minefields. In this clip, the big reveal for me came with your diagnosis of us actually being manipulative when we ambush and overwhelm people with our agenda. But at least we are more direct about it than the gaslighters, aren't we? Still, knowing this now makes me personally feel so much more in charge. Because my cause is mostly legitimate, among other things. I think we should just have faith in our truth, and try and present it optimally, while respecting the other person. If we can master this, we will acquire the instinct to judge the other person, too, based on their response, and modify our actions accordingly. How's that for a bonus? Look forward to more videos. 💚
@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 жыл бұрын
Thank you @Sucheta_Dasgupta!
@wholeshebang1 3 жыл бұрын
@@janicewinsor4793 - Why have again posted the identical comment that you’ve posted in 17 other comment threads, even in ones that have no correlation to your situation. You seem like a bot spamming this content creator’s comments section.
@is15land 3 жыл бұрын
im so happy i found your channel. i really needed these videos and they are helping me a lot.
@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 жыл бұрын
I'm glad you're here!
@kimcreate1 3 жыл бұрын
This is so powerful. I always feel like I;m not heard by my spouse. I am becoming open to the fact that part of it is my doing.
@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 жыл бұрын
It's always kind a good news when there's something WE can change that might improve things. I hope it goes well!
@Arya-cf7vu 3 жыл бұрын
Glad you popped into my suggested videos Fairy. You are telling my life story x
@MishkaTia 3 жыл бұрын
You don’t know how healed at some deep level I feel after discovering your videos your doing so much and it’s so appreciated the kind way you explain it makes me feel understood and helps me realise so much thank you 💕
@jacquibevilacqua6715 3 жыл бұрын
Me too
@jordanautumnjarviswilson9383 3 жыл бұрын
EXACTLY! Thank you for breaking that down so it's a bit more easier to explain to others who listen.... It's taken years to see that the love given is not coming back and that at times, just got to look around and find where to put it so it grows.🌱 Thanks so much for you're video's. They give so much Hope where there wasn't any. The video's set reality in High Definition which gives much better insights to Living instead of Surviving... It's beautiful to know that people out there like me,... Well were not crazy because it's not just a Fluke, but Life- Autumn Wilson Las Cruces, New Mexico
@gygogo1 3 жыл бұрын
I'm so glad to meet you. I am looking forward to growing and changing for the better. I see that you also are a survivor of complex post traumatic stress disorder. I listened to this video you made on Feeling Not Heard, and yes I could see the part I played and my getting involved with people who can't give this to me. I have often gotten involved with people like the parents I was raised with. They were incapable of love and empathy and this is who I selected in my life, and yes I do take ownership for my own part, and the people pleasing and manipulation. This is going to be a great healing working with you. Thank you, Brittnee
@zannejae196 3 жыл бұрын
This is sooooo good. Thanks for this information! I am so glad I found your channel.
@iconoclastic-fantastic 3 жыл бұрын
This is the reason it continues to be nearly impossible for me to sit down and write the lyrics/music about my experiences that I so badly need to write. My gift is music/singing...it’s what I am meant to do and I know it, but I cannot shake the feeling that no one will actually listen or care about what I have to say. That would be an ultimate trigger and i cannot bring myself to face the possibility :/
@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 жыл бұрын
Small steps. Write your music, you can decide later about sharing it :) -Cara@TeamFairy
@morganalexis6147 3 жыл бұрын
How is it that every time I see a new video it's always totally applicable to my present situations and what I'm dealing with in real time? LOVE these videos💗💗💗
@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 жыл бұрын
Thank you @Morgan_Alexis!
@mswriter3612 3 жыл бұрын
Me too!
@petestevens3970 3 жыл бұрын
I speak my truth to others, when necessary, and to myself - often. What’s most important is that I hear myself.
@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 жыл бұрын
Yes, rigorous honesty with myself and relative honesty out there in the world 😉 -Cara@TeamFairy
@im19ice3 2 жыл бұрын
i really appreciate the reminder that there's no prerequisite to begin healing, i'm only in my twenties and i still fall into the trap of believing i'm a lost cause, but try to reminder every day is a good day to change things up
@CrappyChildhoodFairy 2 жыл бұрын
No lost causes but I totally relate to that kind of thinking :) -Cara@TeamFairy
@justdominos153 3 жыл бұрын
How do you deal with the thoughts of feeling like you’re never good enough and you’re a failure? I cried a lot today watching one of your videos so thank you for existing on KZfaq.
@alimay8344 2 жыл бұрын
I needed this reminder that I have to communicate clearly if I want them to understand or hear what I am trying to say. My mood swings and emotional reactions could surely be confusing. I also often take back things i said that I felt were hurtful and apologise. Even if they were true to me. I don't want to blame myself for being ignored or disrespected but this is helping me find some balance. Thankyou for all your help and advice
@suchetadasgupta5299 3 жыл бұрын
Because they don't believe you. Because they are committed to doing it. Because they hate you. What to do? Call them out. Never forgive them. And don't ever trust them. If they enjoy your pain, then you, too, know why they are doing it, and what's more, may know you are good, for you may have worked hard to be so, and so don't need their approval anymore. Only, if you honour what you lost and whom you lost because of them, don't look to make up with them anymore.
@LoveBeliefTruth 3 жыл бұрын
I've left so many shitty, uncareing situations / relatiosnhips it feels like that too: shitty. I need someone to care, I can't heal otherwise. The trauma won't go away no matter how much I meditate, do self regulations, self improvment, practice yoga, read and do this and that trying to heal. I need loving and careing interest, compassion from at least one person, if not from others too. Everyone has read from newpaper about my trauma, so why not even one person to be guiding me out of the fear of people?
@RandalfElVikingo 3 жыл бұрын
You want me to care? I'm just a random, mexican You Tube account that has some mental problems lol I could care about you and your problems until the end of time as just text on a comment section. The point I'm trying to make is that A) What kind of people you want to care about you? B) What kind of care do you want? I'm asking because those two questions are present in my mind since forever. I care because I can relate :)
@goodenoughgirl8102 2 жыл бұрын
I think this is probably my biggest issue these days. I tend to go on and on when I write things. Also there are times, I’m trying to kind of “write it all out” as I go, so I can finally understand what I’m trying to understand. I think also it’s more like meandering or being so thorough or detailed or something. The need to look under every rock and examine every angle or such. And sometimes I def feel like the queen of oversharing.
@georgialeblanc6449 3 жыл бұрын
Your work is so profoundly needed in the world right now! Mastery over fear and openness to love is where this all leads. Thankyou so much! You have such a wonderful humble,warm and comforting way about you that acts as the spoonful of sugar to help the much needed medicine go down! May blessings and love overflow and protect you ! ❤️🙏🏻
@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 жыл бұрын
I happen to love Mary Poppins (big childhood hero) so I'm most grateful for your kind words. Spit spot!
@cherylduckworth8185 Жыл бұрын
Without intervention, a person can hold on for years and years.
@jackiechessani4994 2 жыл бұрын
SO. WELL. SAID. Thank you for all you do, Anna.
@elizabethgil4135 3 жыл бұрын
You just described exactly what happened to us...I was SO confused!!! It makes sense now🙏🙏🙏
@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 жыл бұрын
:)
@Izzy-zn6fs 3 жыл бұрын
Thank you for saying that we can still heal. Healing is possible, even though it feels so impossible.
@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 жыл бұрын
Yes, we can!
@eliser9776 3 жыл бұрын
I love your videos and I am sharing them with my clients. And it is helping me too. We all can grow and continue to heal throughout our lives. Thank you!
@ellenlevenson7831 2 жыл бұрын
Thank you for these videos. I can't tell you how much relief I have experienced since listening to you.
@kirstenanderson7313 3 жыл бұрын
Thank you! Being new to your channel, I am starting to backtrack and go through your topics. Wow! I need to listen to some of this a few times. I kind of get triggered due to a thought, or memory taking me in a certain direction, away from what is being said. But it is so helpful, I am willing to do whst it takes. I feel hope!
@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 жыл бұрын
Beautiful. So great to have you here @Kirsten_Anderson
@wholeshebang1 3 жыл бұрын
@@janicewinsor4793 - Here you are again, with your identical, cut-&-pasted comment on yet another person’s comment that has no context. I think this is a bot account for spamming.
@merrym7174 3 жыл бұрын
This is amazing. I have done this countless times. Have been on both ends of the spectrum. So horrible to endure. So grateful you could put this experience into words. Amazing clarification and help. THANK YOU!*! Excellent insight regarding being direct vs manipulation. Wow,.. Guilty!!
@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 жыл бұрын
Thanks for sharing!
@jasonleeauthor2036 3 жыл бұрын
I really feel your words. You come across very authentic and thank you for your videos.
@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 жыл бұрын
I appreciate that!
@ernarc23 3 жыл бұрын
I have found that this experience -- if prolonged over a long period of time or various relationships -- usually stems from either a narcissistic parent or an alcoholic parent, or one of each. The narc is ignoring you while the alcoholic is spaced (or passed) out. Thank you so much for making your videos. I can feel how genuine you are and appreciate the way you discuss your experience.
@bonanonymouscrickett5231 3 жыл бұрын
Some very solid wisdom. I listened to a lot of teachers on NPD. NOW it's time to focus on myself and why I attract ppl who don't care about me. I wonder how much of it is to resolve the unresolved issues with my dad. I need to try to heal my relationship with my sister and must put the whole thing behind me. We cannot change the past. It's fixed. Somehow we have to see the obstacles as stepping stones.
@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 жыл бұрын
Good for you. I'd encourage you to stop saying that you "attract" such and such. The problem isn't what you attract. It's what you are attracted TO, and to whom you attach.
@bonanonymouscrickett5231 3 жыл бұрын
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy I've recently found that I'm not attracted to them until I see that they're attracted to me. Maybe that's unusual but I generally don't pursue men. I never have. Old school programming. I quit dating a very long time ago when I saw they all bear a striking resemblance to dad.
@staydangerousceo5209 2 жыл бұрын
I felt like she was talking straight to ME .. 🤦🏾♂️ i don’t wish this feeling on anybody
@CrappyChildhoodFairy 2 жыл бұрын
lol -Cara@TeamFairy
@katherinedesaulsesdefreyci6272 3 жыл бұрын
So interesting! Thank you for articulating all of this.
@leyeKminded1727 Жыл бұрын
Anna, I thought this Humpty Dumpty Messed up thoughts of a person was my FOREVER, until I ran into one of your videos. With the utmost gratitude and all the king's men, I Thank you for sharing the Hope I now possess.
@mauricekoopman4902 3 жыл бұрын
I felt disconnected because I never learned to make eye contact. Now that I do or try, what I thought was most important, the things that people tell, is less important. I much more share the feeling af being part of the group, I am less stuck inside myself, focus less on my own emotions.
@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 жыл бұрын
Interesting!
@ashleyarias7444 3 жыл бұрын
I always have people not listen and then come back a long time later and finally do the thing I was saying. It always like yeah, I know that was the solution. that’s the exact thing I told you x amount of time ago. I always feel like I need to shout because nobody is listening.
@wholeshebang1 3 жыл бұрын
@@janicewinsor4793 - Here you are yet again, posting the identical comment about “being the last of 14 children,” as you have done in 17 other comment threads for this video. It’s a bit much, and unimginative. I think this is a bot account, polluting this therapist’s video comments section.
@TheWBWoman 3 жыл бұрын
People hate advice. Even great advice. They tend to want you to listen to them and say things like "Wow, that must be so difficult", "That's really unfair.", "You're totally in the right", and " That person is a real jerk!". Most people prefer to complain over & over again instead of solving their problems.
@annquinn6780 3 жыл бұрын
I need this so much . You are spot on . Could have done with hearing it 35 years ago . Sad .
@00ddub 2 жыл бұрын
I really enjoy your material and I’m finding it, not only fascinating, but also extremely helpful. Thank you so much for the work that you do and for sharing it. 🙏🏻
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