Must cut the loop asap. Good luck friend.

This might seem like poor advice. But I'd say, stop trying. Take steps toward something you'd like to do/get involved with (where there are other people, preferably irl) and then you'll most likely meet other people there with that same interest. One day you ask someone if they want to get a drink/bite to eat afterwards/or you'll get asked yourself. BOOM, you have the beginning of friendship. Give up on the idea of needing friends to feel good - instead enjoy the little conversations in your everyday life. Good luck.

@Nana Same...surprised this is mostly a male problem. Its so hard for me to be emotionally open even with friends and so they turn out empty connections and never go anywhere. It is probably easier for the average woman to open up emotionally due to society being okay with it and not get trapped in this loop but it really depends on your upbringing I guess. Anyway, we are not alone on this at least.

200 iq comment here,you just described my life

@Nana tbh, I'm not too sure it actually is. It might just be the narrative the internet is focused on a lot. From my experience, most of the women I know have the exact same problems I do when it comes to socializing. There may be a cultural aspect that actually does show that men do have it worse, but I think that the internet has enflamed it, like it usually does. Edit: changed "girls"to "women"

Thats why we here 😂😅

He low key gaslighting

@@memenazi7078 Aren't you gaslighting us about him right now? 🧐😆

Title only and I'm already called out bru

This channel has been lifesaving for me lol

@@Dimitris_Balf how exactly am i dodging responsibility? Have i said loneliness is somebody elses respondobility but the lonely persons? (In some situations it is, minors for example shoud be looked after by their parents and teachers etc. To make sure they aren't lonely). Third of all, i didn't mention sexuality at all, so you are most likely projecting on me.

Just World Fallacy, bro This crap is so old it even appears in the Bible, in the form of the friends of Job accusing him of being a sinner, when in reality he was in that pickle because he was the exact opposite of a sinner.

I dress pretty decently, groom my hair, shower everyday, moisturize my skin and yet somehow, I’m still single and lonely. I’m pretty average looking and skinny but for some reason, no woman has ever asked me out.

I am disabled and don't have a caregiver. Without a caregiver I literally can't wear better clothes or meet new people (irl)

I started exercising more, developed a skincare routine that I stick to daily, started flossing and brushing twice a day, showering more frequently, put on deodorant, dress nicer, putting myself out there more by asking a girl out, yet in the end I still feel like a magnet. Not the attractive forces of magnet, but the repulsive force. It's strange because I feel like it happens everywhere I go, no matter which place I'm in. I'm the type to open up and talk more freely with people I know more. Of course this is a sign that I'm the common denominator and my anxiety and lack of social skills remain and make it hard to socialize. But I just wish people would look past their first impressions of me and get to know me. I feel like I would be a pretty good friend and partner if I got the chance.

For me it was never about sex or girls. If anything i wanted homies. thats what comes first in my book

@@peepeepoopooeater I do too, but they kind of keep abandoning me. Had a lot of that growing up too. I keep making new friends and trying to hang out with them though.

@RedactedAndExpunged I really like your comment. Thanks for the humor. It's very appreciated.

Yeah i do feel the same way. I dont really go out(just to work and for food). I do realease that i need to go out more to meet more people or girls to find relationship, but at the same time im so used being allone, and feel doing this by myself is pointless(since i had so much bad expierence doing it by myself), i would need some help by someone to be social again and that is unlikely. I dont think that im ugly or desprerate and still doubt i can become social or be in relationship without any help. Time will tell i guess. Constantly working on myself, eating healthy, working out is my main goal now in life. Btw i was really social and had probably too much friends when i was a kid,but everything change on teen years.

@@t0lex14 Taking the time to try to talk to people is important for being social. You'll get less awkward in conversation by doing it more. My advice is to make sure you don't get discouraged if it doesn't go well. You won't mesh well with everyone and that's okay.

Agreed, people just toss that piece of advice around without even thinking.

Great comment. I've been trying to work on this for YEARS. Can't seem to ever feel like I fit in, and I'm fucking 31 now.

Finding real love is challenging for all of us.

@@katarina6724 you have Snapchat?

@@christiansnaturestudio6599 this issue isn't limited to people "finding real love"

@@13579hee not sure how to solve this issue long term

@@Dimitris_Balf its almost as if human beings are social animals who seek human connection. Mindblowing!

*too

@@Dimitris_Balf just spend thousands on travel?? That’s the cure?!?!

Yeah I've traveled and it only made me feel more lonely

Gaming can make people feel really disconnected and lonely. People should just meet up, make friends and do stuff. Travel might help a lot but if you're unable to relate it's a trap.

It is. But what do you think will help when that validation goes, or worse, people start putting you down

@@lewisnorden3744 well according to the doctor, long term validation eventually builds the person's self-confidence and then self-identity. It is when the person starve for validation or unable to respect space, causing people to abruptly leave them and abruptly end the supply of validation that they break down.

It's also hard to build confidence when the people around me feel like they are out to destroy it and all the while am in a cycle of self loathing.

@M This just makes confidence sound like solipsism or Dunning-Kruger.

You can start lifting weights and once your muscles start to grow and you see them then those muscles will be the validation you need to gain confidence.

I should've done something similar to you. Instead I took the "Jordan Peterson" approach, seeing them as some sort of necessary suffering and signs of me being lazy or not "manning up", which has caused some lasting damage that made me less empathetic than when I was younger.

The day I realized it's not all my fault was the day that the clouds finally parted and I've felt completely different ever since then. That was years ago now. It was a weird thing, because the epiphany came absolutely out of nowhere just as I was going to work. The only advice I too can give is to learn to forgive yourself.

@@Blirre very true, and realizing you can't control everything is massive.

May you be happy, may you be free, may you be at peace.

@@williampan29 I was fortunate to have a number of friends and family help me up along with a good counselor. It definitely was my doing that got me on my feet.

My situation right now 😮‍💨

preach

The emotions of being discarded and forgotten/unwanted only get added on.

@@kenXtripleI For some/most mayhap, but for me they're actually just gone. It was a conscious choice I made one day after having an epiphany where I realized that there isn't in fact someone out there for everyone, and unfortunately I can see my future clearly enough to tell I'm gonna be one of those people who just never find someone. Upon that realization I decided there was no more point in feeling sexual urges or the longing for a companion. No point in worrying about something I'm never going to have.

@@SomethingScottyi have though realized that thinking that there is someone out there for me to show me love and compassion is like having delusions of grandure and I would have better odds at winning the lottery mostly due to a lack of social skills and really missing the window of opportunity.That and because I'm not perfect

@@SomethingScotty thats a dangerous place to be... it might all come roaring back some day

The way i see it, "just be yourself" means "Don't say/do something you don't actually identify with". So don't mask your personality, don't fake it, be genuine, especially if you're a "work in progress". I've experienced that people can be very positive when you show them that you don''t have it all figured out.

Yeah, I don't think fully "being yourself" is even possible, but there is some truth to it too. Talking about your hobbies, favorite music, movies, art, without caring if it's too weird or out there. I would say that is way to be yourself, and not just "yeah, I like what everybody does, and listen to whatever is popular“ Being confident about your hobbies really shows. (as someone who doesn't really has much going for him)

“Be yourself” is an extremely hard phrase for someone like me, being that myself is an amab trans female I currently am unable to express because I don’t have an understanding environment yet

“Just be yourself” like idek what myself is

The way I eventually understood this phrase (which I hated and to be fair still dislike) is through studying Bruce Lee's views on martial arts styles. He keeps saying one should "have no style" and people think they shouldn't study anything or do any forms, because it'll detract from their "being water, my friend". And they keep trying to shoehorn BL's STYLE (Jeet Kune Do) into this weird "it's a philosophy bro, not a style" Schrodinger's cat situation. Truth is, JDK is a style, and you shouldn't adopt it without thinking. You should study it, take what's good, and keep going, on to the next style and the next, until your fighting technique is a mishmash of what you found useful from all of them (kicking like in TaeKwonDo, some other thing from Boxing, the stance from Fencing, hell take the footwork from Kizomba dancing if it works for you). Now, I nerded out too much on the martial arts thing, but try to see the metaphor behind and how it relates to your own life. Or read his daughter's book "Be water, my friend". Or go straight to the people who inspired Bruce and read the Dao De Djing. Or don't if you don't feel it suits you, that would miss the whole point.

I envy ppl in relationships so bad. Ik if i got a gf my depression would be fixed. I try so hard but everyone around me gets relationships effortlessly while I fail consistently. I wanna give up but at that point i might as well kms.

@@icecoldnazo5335 how do you know that if you got into a relationship that your depression would be fixed?

@@icecoldnazo5335 very untrue, every person should be able to live depression-free, without a realiationship. Try to work on your mental illness, and dont make not having a gf, the reason you are depressed. Cause thats most likely not true. (i could be wrong though not an expert, but thats what i hear all the time and read)

@@icecoldnazo5335 getting a gf won't fix your depression, why do you think it would?

@@throwaway9347 if i am in a high quality one yh it would. I do psychology and every study on happiness has consistently found that the key to happiness isn't money or materialistic shit but high quality relationships. I can chase money and other goals as much as I want but it doesn't matter cos I am always gonna feel empty without another person.

Absolutely. It never ends well.

It's just made me realize I had issues lmao I haven't been able to get to the point it is fixed though

@@adambaker6794 you'll make it, don't worry. Something I always tell myself is that "a person has infinite chances as long as they're alive"

@@Zamu273 that's a good one

it’s tough making new friends in university since everyone has so many commitments. by the time you become an adult, it gets more difficult. but not impossible. here are some ideas to meet people without partying/drinking/etc: have you joined clubs/sports? or would you rather make your own club/sport? does your university/professors offer paid trips for a small group of students? does your university have a discord where you can get into small cliques and meet up with them? does any of your hobbies offer conventions? can you make a social media account about your hobby and meet other enthusiasts? are there on campus roles that focus on being social (student government, planning student events, resident advisor, club leadership positions etc)? can you get a job where you’re required to talk to other people (tutor, academic support, peer mentoring, tour guide)? do you often make small talk with your classmates? (i noticed many extroverts will talk to anyone in the area and make friends over a few weeks) do you make study groups or go to study groups your classmates planned? (i noticed this works a lot-especially if you hate parties and need to bond over something like a dumb class) are you friendly with the most confident, talkative person in the room? (i noticed a lot of people naturally gravitate to them, which means more people for you to talk to) *warnings* i don’t recommend you befriend/date coworkers. you need that work-life separation.

Ask questions in class, suggest to study with people, get to know the student workers at your facilities (cafeteria, library, whatever), go to university run events, join a club, exercise at the gym and ask for a spot, or try to learn about someone else's workout. None of these are foolproof, and a lot of these feel a little artificial, but they're necessary to learn. If it seems like everyone is doing 'their' thing, that's cause they are. You'll have better luck being a part of someone's life if you've got a similar 'thing' so you can spend time with them. Take a genuine interest in other people, and you'll find that you'll have more of them around. When people say "put yourself out there," it means leave your room and be a little bold by talking to someone in person. People don't explain it because literally anything you do can be qualified as it (grabbing a drink with coworkers off hours, volunteering somewhere, picking up a new hobby), so without knowing you, I can't nail down what it is you would enjoy doing the most. If you're out doing something you like, even if no one else likes you, you're going to enjoy what you're doing a little as well, so I would hedge against doing things you don't like (don't join a ballroom dance class unless you've got an honest desire to learn ballroom dance, not because you heard it was a good place to meet girls). If you do that, you won't have a good time, and you'll likely have worse odds of finding people that will want to spend time with you as a result. I've had the problem you describe, I still struggle with it especially after having graduated, but there are solutions. Putting the cart before the horse, dates always seem to get overblown by both society and media. Your goal isn't to finagle something from someone that does not want to give it to you, your goal is to spend time with and get to know someone you like. This can range from media projected norm (going to catch a movie with someone you like is actually pretty fun), or it can be as mundane as baking cookies with them. Dating comes down to context, as in whether or not you and the other party have mutual attraction and are spending time together. Assuming you're a guy, you might have to do a little leg work on the front end ("Hey, I like you, I'd like to get to know you over coffee"), and then they, assuming they're agreeable, might simply use the date as a barometer to tell if there is attraction like that. If not, no skin off your back, you try again with someone else. If they do like you, then you do something else you both like a few more times, have a conversation as adults about boundaries and/or intimacy, and with a little luck, voile, you're in a relationship. As a side note, people change their mind too. You might grab coffee with someone and have good chemistry, and things may seem peachy up through a few dates, or even after being intimate, and they may decide to break things off. This is okay, and it really isn't something you try to 'fix,' unless they're saying/asking for you to try to ("I like you, but your habit of shitting on my porch is kind of a turnoff and might be a dealbreaker."). If this happens, or your desire to shit on people's front porches is greater than your desire to be with them, it's all good, you know how to make new friends now anyways. Hell, maybe she's got some friends that are interested in something like what you're looking for.

@@sylascole5254 This right here is some fire

@@jw5931 Cheers and thanks. I've had this written in a notebook for years, the hard part is deciding if I want to try to it.

Honestly, this is something I am currently working on in the area I’m in. I’ve noticed there wasn’t a professional connection at University that directly gave experience (which so many entry level jobs need) to the German Department’s students. So in trying to connect TEFL/TESOL teachers and have some students and alumni (including me) be able to shadow them, that way these prospective TESOL/TEFL teachers see exactly what they don’t know in the German Department, and therefore have a common goal to work towards together, which allows people who understand you, at least minimally. This is just what I am guessing might happen. For other suggestions I’ve seen like asking other students to study with you, I would suggest an additional component. If you feel like the other student knows more than you, try to offer another piece of experience or expertise you have in another class that they don’t understand that well. Or something like this? You are the expert of your experience. Always. You can share that. Can you read this? You have the ability to learn. You can try one new thing. It is only one thing now. These are just my thoughts.

My situation right now and it feels like a baden I can't get it of😢

You gotta find your gusto bro

May you be happy, may you be free, may you be at peace.

Try hanging out in smaller groups then if too many people drain your energy

Me...too....i get so exhausted while hanging out with people...initially I try then gradually i just start losing my energy as if I dont have the bandwidth to indulge with anyone...anymore...and I see others....they still look energetic and fresh and ready to talk and engage with people...full of liveliness

the social exhaustion thing is just from being an introvert. and its ok! it's ok to be someone who doesn't get energy from socializing. it's just a question of finding the people who are also introverts, so that your need for socializing matches. the other thing to note is that the more you get to know someone the less exhausting it is to spend time with them. eventually you feel comfortable.

Right after this video there was metta meditation in the livestream. It is present on the channel in the video called "how to love yourself meditation"

The only women that have been into me are always like younger and I don’t date younger than mid 20s. I get hit on by high school girls more than I get responses on dating apps 😢

I see myself in this comment , for real man.. this is exactly how I feel and it feels like there is no way out..

I know this was a year ago but if you’re still in the same situation, take the advice in the video, try to focus on sharing your sandwich, that is what you offer in a relationship, being able to meet the other person’s needs. And I wouldn’t worry about relating to a woman i feel like the sexes are a lot more similar than people may think we’re all just looking for love.

Same

Same is so hard to be positive I cry a lot 😔

@@Dimitris_Balf for you yes for me I've always been stuck in a cycle I can never break. I can talk to women fine but I've always sabotaged myself because I know that I am not good looking enough, I don't have enough money and I don't have a good enough body for any woman. So yes I'm In a damn cycle

Keep it up

i'm so glad to hear this

You got this!

That's beautiful! Good luck on your journey!

keep going !

Playing hard to get Humans are dumb monkeys 🙈

Nice, I have to wait another two years to achieve that status. But we will persevere!!! (and hope that the wizard status is not restricted to video games, because that would be a scam)

34 V-izard here, I simply find all the social events are boring and nothing in this world gets my interest. Something good happens, I would ask "What's the catch", it can't be real. If I want to experience something, internet is the best place to experience it for free. When I spent a lot chasing a girl back then, it all went to toilet the moment she stops responding my message, dating is just like fraud. It's an investment you will lose 100% of it and patience won't get you back, unlike stock market. At least I learnt not to invest too much in one basket now and completely understand not everyone can or want to find a girl.

Do you feel that this has changed from dating apps? I'm an introvert and it was super tiring for me to go on dates so dating app was amazing for me.

How old are you? You're probably making the important changes early on. I think as dudes we have an internal inclination to take action and I think you can tap into that feeling of taking charge, while ignoring the discomfort. I don't know if I'm making it up in my head, but I do feel there's an internal thing of "taking charge" you can tap into which comes with being a guy.

I have been a wizard for about a year now and ironically I have improved at my profession and even got a better job since then. Coincidence? It's up for you to decide! XD

holy shit bro, thats a long ass essay. may peace be upon you

@@schmooplesthesecond5997 thanks dude, made me smile reading this over breakfast.

I have to agree with this. You think you're going to share your story and your own self-awareness about your condition, and get a positive response. You won't. The people you meet don't want relative success -- they don't care how far behind the 8-ball you started and where you've gotten yourself to. They only care where you are right now -- your absolute level of success. You really are alone, and you have to figure it all out by yourself. It's truly a double whammy -- you need help (and you know it), but you will never get it.

Hell yeah.I thought something was wrong with me

I had the same problem but I try to tell myself that friends are not permanent. Nothing is. Friendship comes and goes based on a lot of factors like context and effort. I'm glad I have some good friends now and I put effort in maintaining it but from time to time I also think of scenarios in which I may lose them or we drift apart just in case. Like love them, but try to be neutral and not too attached. Not sure if this is a healthy mindset but it may help.

some ppl are just comfortable talking with strangers, that doesn't mean you're not their friend my dude.. if they choose to hang out and spend time with ya then that's your answer.

@@0xsergy Yeah but that's exactly how I knew that I weren't friends with my old friend group anymore. Talking to me was a chore and very boring to them even tho we knew each other for 10 plus years. Now when I see what those ppl are up to on social media every now and then I see that they are always on parties, drinking a lot, making even more new "friends". I'm glad I was able to ditch them before I got dragged into that stuff. So yeah they stopped being my friends even while we were "friends" a while ago. It's not that they just like talking to other strangers.

I kinda forgot about this comment but that just shows how much can happen in 9 months. I stayed close with this 1 friend, made two more through them and later on I made another mutual friend with them. I know have 4 friends I talk to on a regular basis and that's more than enough. My life in general got quite better not just because I have people that care about me and we can share our interests but I also really invested time in myself and improved myself bit by bit. Stuff gets better

Want a friend?

@@oddcop945 sus

@@bobobsen I'm not sure if you're part of the problem or not.

Ikr, I just want a normal healthy relationship

I get it. That is literally me.

I also feel exactly the same, my question is… is it okay to be this way? I don’t feel pressured to be in a relationship, I also don’t have the sexual drive to have sex like others…..Im pretty happy where I am. I do want to get married and have kids in the future.

Yeah, same. Sometimes I even think that something is wrong with me, as I can extremely rarely relate to such seemingly common problems.

I am single, and also have 2 close friends. I rarely go out but also feel incredibly lonely. I liked the way Dr. K put it, "emotionally starving". I did not realize it but it's like a strong hunger for intimacy, which I got very little of growing up. My friends are much like you, so they were always confused when I talked sometimes about my desperation for relationships.

@@donthefallen Hey man I also didn't really get that much love growing up. It's tough sometimes I get it. Much love from a random stranger on the internet

Based on what I've seen on the internet, irl, and my own experiences as a woman... women usually deal with loneliness and desperation by: * jumping into relationships, usually with those older who they feel will see them as mature and take them seriously. Most of which isn't at all about "being mature" and turns toxic very quickly * they try to shape themselves into what society and those around them consider ideal * turns into a pick me and will do or say anything for male validation. They will push other women under the bus in a heartbeat to get the approval of a guy * and lastly they will for the most part (if not completely), stop seeking and waiting on a man to notice her. They will just stop hoping for it to ever happen and shut down the possibility of a man being genuinely interested in them, which results in further isolation and despair. It something that happens a lot among straight women. Since they sorta loss interest in men, but will still beat themselves up for secretly wanting them and being attracted to them in the first place

these videos are really interesting bc its eyeopener to what men go through, tho i feel like a video about us would be helpful too, its not like we have it all perfect and know how to deal with this too. in my expirience im an introvert, and i like being alone, but i found out that if i live alone for a long period of time i get very lonely and kinda let myself go. relationship wise i never been in one and im in my early twenties, but i never been interested, or i have problems for this subject because its hard for me to trust someone so much as you would with a partner. im rarelly horny like once a month so thats that, it's prob different for other women tho. other than that i just have a ton of hobbies to keep me occupied from thinking about love ig lol, also to me right now i feel like i need to accomplish more if i want to be in a relationship, rn im working out and trying to study for a job. at the same time theres also this pressure that if i want a partner i should find someone quickly before i get too old and unlikeable so i always feel like theres a clock ticking. but at the sametime im not desperate for any of these.

Lost me at “pick me”. I find that there’s really no such thing, but rather just women who make and value different things than what feminism wants them too, and apparently that a big no no now a days.

@@cocojlly1375 the last one I feel is so accurate and tbh I’m starting to get into this territory. I know that to stop being miserable for being single I need to stop believing that a man/relationship will solve all my loneliness problems. But at the same time I wonder if I’m actually just withdrawing further and cutting off any possibility of a relationship because I’m no longer open to it.

@@throwaway5926 Yes, "pick me" is sometimes used that way, but there are absolutely people who compromise parts of themselves to suck up to others. To say there's no such thing is delusional imo

I love that you have the attitude to work on yourself, but try not to come to the point of once "i do this etc i will be fixed", self-love is a slow process and nothing is determined, so even tho you are improving having that deterministic mindset that youll just be fixed doesnt work because we arent "monolithic creatures" as Dr K states. you'll have your ups and downs, and that is perfectly ok. (also watching the interveiw, 'Why you're behind in life' has a really good point on 'being fixed' mentality) hopefully this helps you but you always take this with a grain of salt because only you know you're life! May you be loved, may you be free, may you find peace!!

I feel like it's such shitty advice too and kind of feeds back into the self judgement and deprication. It makes it so that it seems like the problem is above you and out of your control. Because no matter what you do you WILL come off as desperate and therefore unattractive. It's framed in such a shitty way that's so unhelpful to the person who's feeling not good.

@@ViiZiiOnZ915 I don't think it's a binary. Obviously on a spectrum being desperate won't help your case but to be aware of this issue in my eyes is a big part of it. You probably will come off desperate, if you are desperate, but it's more about how your desperation makes you act. Obviously there can be other things at play but for me the different kinds of advice like "Focus on yourself, don't think about relationships" lead into me trying to improve my social skills which made me overthink less about my interactions with girls in regards to the feedback loop. I had more space to allow a relationship to flourish because I wasn't occupied with the feedback loop (as much) Hope this helps if you're going through this

@@mellow-mike that's great man I'm happy for you! I think for the most part people don't know what to do with the advice "just focus on yourself" especially because it's so nebulous. And like Dr k says in this video, nobody really tells you HOW or what to do when you're "working on yourself". Idk like i think it's cool it worked for you but Im not sure how easy it is for most people to just get out of the feedback loop like you did. It definitely takes some more help

Meditation is good. You will realize the pattern earlier and you can take action before it's too late.

Likewise

I mean a lot of people, including yourself seeing how mad you get at the topic and identify yourself with the people this post is about and not the poster, see women that way whether it be subconsciously or consciously

@@JB-mh5xy yes because you getting mad about people calling incels sh1tty people isn't a self report but requires me to have mind reading powers which will somehow win me the lottery

@@dropyourself So you know how I "see" women? Wild. What else can you tell me about myself?? :D

@@JB-mh5xy I sorry, but if you quack like a duck I can make the educated guess that you're a duck (or an incel in this case)

just wait till you realize theres more people like you and they like you and want to date you!

@@KaliziKaiza I’ll look for them, but for now I’m focusing on myself 😊

@@mitthrawnuruodo1730 Strong work brother! After realising i don't have enough self-love for myself and that there's so much stuff to work on (which btw. is exciting) i've decided to step away from any relationships for probably closest few years. If i can't love and take proper care of myself first, then i can't really be a good partner. And i write that with a positive feelings, cause compassion towards inside should be the first and most fundamental love in our lives - not love towards someone else. In my opinion that comes next once we've truly got our act together and are truly mature.

I fully agree. I had to learn it the gard way. I'm currently going thru it 😪 its exhausting

@@user6371 I do

ikr, I love it

Fucking America, it costs a whole hour of min wage for a gallon of milk, dafuq

Have you looked at energetic therapies like somatic experiencing, EFT? EFT is esp good because it's self applied, although it's best to sign up for some sessions with a practitioner. It was being done by phone LONG before the pandemic, which cuts down on cost and widens availability. Also do an allergies test and look at changing your diet when you get the results. My body has been a mini lab and I realised some years ago that when I eat wheat and gluten that I get over sensitized and angry AF. It's definitely worth investigating. Also sleeping well is vital too, as well as getting exercise. It sounds like sucking eggs, but these things (or lack of) have a HUGE effect on your mental, emotional and physical well being.

Agreed people who are Linley have a multitude of issues and problems. Its important to look at how you spend your time and then find hobbies and interests

Same vein as being dependent on life saving drugs. Humans are social animals, we like to grow old around loved ones, that’s beautiful, chase that

I want every positive thing associated with relationships including the sex, a normal part of a romatic relationship.

You lose yourself in the other person with co-dependence and that feels like shit. You feel guilty if you're happy and they're sad, and at least my ex wanted me to emotionally coddle her constantly, which got me blamed for the actions she willingly did, or I'd be blamed for having a bad day and not acting the same love-dovey way. It was hell. Everything was always about her, she wouldn't even get curious about me in any way and continue about herself 24/7. At the end I essentially told her she was self-centered and left. I think she still believes she's perfect and like I gave up early. I was happy to have a relationship, but I now remember I was happier when she was away in a different city. LOL. You don't really want these things, the feel-good of love wears off, the negatives outweigh eventually. I survived 3 months. Good luck on that.

being emotionally supportive and emotionally dependent are completely different. co dependence is selling yourself for and to someone else, and vice versa. neither of you are _you_, you're just reflections of the other person.

Co-dependence is only bad if both you and the other person is imperfect, because being let down when you depend on them is horrible. I would advise you seek a relationship with God

@@phosspatharios9680 Dating god lol

co-dependence is gangster if you both have an element of secure attachment that you can find through your deep trust and bond. honestly that's the ideal relationship - it gets a bad reputation because it's usually one sided and co-deps are vulnerable to predatory personality disorders.

I miss being vulnerable with someone

@@brunoclement123 same, I missing knowing I could tell them anything and feel loved and validated regardless...

You can’t control how people perceive you. You can however be more of an initiator and be more comfortable and confident with yourself

You should continue to improve, but your attributes aren’t going to fix your love life by themselves. You gotta kick any desperation within yourself, focus on making connections (this takes some ebb & flow), and show people this is who I am and what I want

External things are great to improve and not a lot of people do that so big up to you for doing that👏 .. However the biggest thing is shifting internally. Changing your beliefs about yourself, what you believe is possible for you and your stories/ identity in life. People who do that can literally become who ever the want.

improve style, haircut, accessorize, also therapy might help if you aren't going to it already

Same, I don’t even have coworkers at the moment and barely any family, just my mom although she’s gotten tired of my shit at this point too.