You are such a lifesaver, I'm tellin ya! I've had *such* a hard time making friendships with women, thinking I just don't like other women. Through the Daily Practice it hit me: I'm totally intimidated by other women and need to gain more self esteem to fix this. Sometimes it's those duh moments 🙃

What she means when she says she traded her body for love and affection...when you've been alone or felt alone for a long time, your whole life, you'll do pretty much anything to fight off that loneliness.

I'm not empty , but yes I will never settle for another relationship that doesn't feel right, just to be pleasing, to be the nice gf . Never ever again .

My 2022 epiphany: Everything [they] taught us (via programming, i.e., romcoms, Disney, bosom-heaving novels, etc.), is a lie. The truth is, true love is self-love. Acknowledge, accept, adjust. [This] is 58 and I rock.

I applaud the respectful way you address all of your letter writers, Anna. Your manner is a model for the rest of us to follow, whatever circumstances we are in.

The only thing I'd like to add is be careful with the in-person support groups; there are often manipulators who can turn into someone you wish you never laid eyes on. Especially if you are an approval addict with weak boundaries.

I healed the emptiness through doing what brings me joy and self-love. Before that, I felt so empty inside. Only a romantic relationship would fill that void. And I'd bond with just about anyone, no matter how awful the relationship. But I learned to fill the void with participating in activities that excited me, I was good at, and really made me happy & joyful. Do what you love. Do it until you love yourself doing it. Doing just that filled the void and changed my life.

I know it sounds cliche but connect with yourself first. Do the Journaling practice! The more you connect with yourself then you won't need people to be friends with. You'll want people to be friends with. And you'll be able to see people for who they are and not what you want them to be. It's also okay to pass on people. I feel like having cptsd you grab onto anyone you can. At least I used to do that. And then I'd feel awful because these "friends" made me feel the same as my family and I'd play the same role in my friendships. #scapegoatlife lol!!! Smile and say hi to strangers. One thing I do is go on long hikes and anyone that walks past me I smile and say hi to. Building positive interactions helps.

The amount of broken people who just jump into full on relationships is staggering, I seen it for myself!

many years ago after my first heart break I realized that the guy didn't know me and then my next relationship had similar issues although I managed to keep that one going for over 5 years. I finally figured out that back then I could be emotionally close to someone or physically close to them but never the two shall meet. I worked hard on pulling down the wall I had between physical intimacy and emotional and finally got better. The hardest part is figuring out who loves you the person and who loves the body and thinks that is the person.

When I listened to the letter what occurred to me is the lack of Oxytocin this comes from sex, hugging touch. Having a a childhood without a parents cuddle and substituting sex at a young age can set up a pattern of trying to get it from someone else but it is a love hormone made within ourselves. Hugs hand holding etc intimacy provides this as well as sex. There are other ways to simulate your system as getting exercise or getting a pet to hug but sounds like both people in this relationship are in need and maybe a opportunity to try that to heal both party's.

I look forward to a video on the topic : "signs that you are ready to date" because it's a scary thing to do after asequence of abusive/ manipulative relationships....

I feel bittersweetly triggered by this video.. Really spoke to me. I realize I have come a very long way since I was a teen but I still have a lot of work to do.

a sexual relationship in no way represents intimacy - exactly.

She told my story. Alcohol abuse is self medication. You can't make other adults your parents. Some of us will not find that tolerant significant other as you have. Like this woman filling the void with sexual encounters is how we become promiscuous. We end up getting hurt over and over. I recommend Alanon and CODA. Therapists don't have a clue

No mention of Dad. Let's face it that's an important relationship in a young girl's life. The fact she didn't bring it up in the letter tells me it's a buried trauma and some awareness about Dad and coming to terms with that would be very helpful

Yea I need more friends. Those are the relationships I need most now. A nice support network filled with love and acceptance. I just need to find out when and how I can finally start making them.

I am sad and empty for years but not depressed. I felt empty even when married so have not figured it out? I struggled with female friends too and had no problem having male friends as they didn’t stereotype or gossip as those are things I hate. A lot of my emptiness was cured when I got another pet CAT to fill the void of coming home to the empty house. I am very loved by my cat and it helps me to get up happy most days. I am currently avoiding people a lot in social situations staying home where I feel safe after learning why narcissists are attracted to me! It’s lonely though and I can’t seem to restart yet around people as I feel like I need to be a different person first. I do wish badly to have a mate. How do I attract normal people? I must have “vulnerable” written on my forehead!

My Mom also cut our hair with kitchen scissors. She once punished me with threatening to cut it all off. She also did loving things, but was more negligent than not. I forgive her as in my adolescent, I started hitting her back. I felt guilty, but have made peace with all of it. and Forgive myself. It was awful!

Thank you for this. I left several lifelong toxic friendships and now realize I've started a new one to replace them. Just in time.

I feel that I shouldnt run away from things, but also dont run towards anyone. It takes time to build trust and to take note of any red flags. If I run in, they might be overlooked until it will hurt more to see them - which might mean that I try to avoid seeing them for a long while. People and things wont make me happy or less empty - that is an internal feeling that only I can control. But they can make me less happy/more empty when what I projected onto those people/things doesnt materialise. And I have run in and projected several times before I learned that lesson.

The attachment trauma happens within the first 6 months. There is treatment using the comprehensive resource model. That with a 12 step program would be a grand slam!

Sometimes, the emptiness feels like a bottomless pit. I have tried to fill it for decades with people, possessions, and substances, but no external source fills the black hole inside. My heart aches for Maria. 😔

I finally found the elusive "forever" relationship, but I still find it hard to be happy. These days, my emptiness needs more pets, more material items, more hobbies to spend money on. I watch this happen and I'm getting better about it. The need to fill the void inside of me is a lot to deal with. Your videos help so much.

Wow this story is absolutely similar to the Maria of Magdala story and Jesus advices on her sexual life being an attempt to filling out the emptiness for love and affection... what a symbolism Maria being called here too

"Alcoholism is there before the drinking" hmm ~that's something to think about.

I interpret her more as disappointed in herself rather than angry. However she IS angry and the person that anger belongs with is her mother and rightly so. We inherently know that we are entitled to love, respect, acceptance and to live with consistency peace and belonging. It's this lack - and more - that chips away at our souls and leaves us shells of who we really are. Very difficult, I know, and my heart goes out to her for healing.

Emptiness within a relationship? I am 70, I feel extremely lonely and empty inside because my relationship. My husband was a workaholic and I thought he paid no attention to me because he was too tired. I was looking forward to retirement thinking it all would change. So stupid of me!!! Now being retired he is on his laptop all day long except for meals and during the meals he is playing sudoku. REAL story!!, I demanded going to couples counseling thinking/hoping that that will improve the relationship. After two sessions the psychotherapist diagnosed him with Asperger. He does not know yet. He will of course not accept it. I am heartbroken. 😢

Not love and affection, just a form of attention.

Anna, you're looking great in blue! Thank you for your hard work over here :)

Love your work and approach!!

I can relate to that loneliness and pattern of behaviour, ouch, it’s really painful for everyone. I quit doing cold turkey, blamed romantic novels and fairy tales for creating an unfair expectation of men, and wasting my life on a fools mission. But those stories did spark recognition of the core qualities in a man that I admire, like true decency, kindness, and generosity of mind which I did not see enough of at home. They also prevented me from falling in love with drunken bullies and fraudulent scoundrels, so it’s not all bad..

I had two narcs back to back. The last one did a serious number on me. I hate being codependent and always looking for someone to love me.

Thank You🐝🌟

I could’ve written this letter. I break hearts as well. I pick good guys that I feel superior to so that I can feel safe. I don’t pick guys that I want to “step on my toes for.” So when they inevitably disappoint, I want to flee.

My mom & dad took my sister & I to a barber so they’d get there moneys worth. Sounds like my mom but she didn’t drink. My dad never had conversations about life learning skills.

My own brother who has two daughters said most men are dogs. Well young man will be so manipulative to get laid. Let's not sugar coat it anymore. And throughout my life I have met men like this. Women are taking a cue from them in many cases. Finding the right true love is a daunting task and many don't get it. That's just life. I can accept it now that I'm old...er. I feel badly for younger single women who are perfectly healthy and fit for a good man. Needle in a haystack. PS his two daughters finally both found good partners after kissing a lot of frogs

Excellent video!

Better to be in no relationship than an unhealthy one....

I found a boyfriend named Jesus but I think he's seeing other people.

My usually evasive hope resurfaces when I may have a date lined up. I know it's NOT fair to anyone else to play that role for me though. I feel like I'll never fix myself enough to be worthy of a non-limerent relationship and time is running out (I'm 46 now). Is just being aware of this enough to go on that date?

If it doesn't feel right .. let him go and work on yourself through therapy,12 step groups and support groups...

This hurts.

But but where's my knight in shining white armor that is going to come to my emotional rescue? Doesn't anybody believe in Disney fairy tales anymore? Sarcasm

Jesus is a guy you can relate with by praying and talking with Him. He's real and alive and has helped me and so many of my friends through life and all of it's difficulties. All you have to do is try it and see.

Being single can be scary or it doesn't have to be ...In my opinion it's a mindset....

She sounds fearful avoidant. Recognizing the pattern is the first step to healing it.

I find that my hobby of building model cars helps fill the void of being single so she may want to consider pursuing a hobby that can help fill the void of being single ..

The only relationship that heals your feeling of emptiness is Jesuschrist. The One who can fill the void inside of us. And then, yes, learning how to regulate yourself and choosing healthy people to be with.

For traumatized people on their healing path can be really uncomfortable and also triggering getting advice like: Jesus is the answer... It sounds superficial and unhelpful.

I hate this…. It just keeps showing up. I tried this time. I’ll be fine but, it gets tiring.

Do I have to become a member to send you a letter crappy childhood fairy?

12:10

The beginning of this video is like me but mom didn’t drink mom was skitzfrania she tried to drink but my aunt stoped her she never went back to it I was ignored she use to make me food I didn’t like so didn’t eat then later would say I’m hungry so she told her friend see she says she’s hungry and I put the food in front of her and she proved it to her one friend she didn’t have that long in pictures I look at when I was from 3 years old till teenager very young always so sad with a face no love just put me in my room and play with my million of toys no books till my brother was born when he was five we were allowed to get books they were a dollar a book book club my brother is eight years younger and I was not nice to him because he was to young and my mom favored him and beatings started at 15 years old yes when I got thrown out into the streets my body took me twenty years of horrors used my body for attention my father was absent my mom only had two men her whole life and stayed alone threw my father out he had another family he was my mothers brother in law she got rid of my father by dating one guy two times and she dumped him and my father never came around and when I was 15 I use to take a bus to visit him but three times I saw him gave me alote of attention and never came around ever till one time he came with his girlfriend that was a woman in men’s clothing Dyke she was crazy never saw him again I’m single 14 years straight usually after twenty years each husband I don’t want them and I leave all of my men they don’t leave accept Mr A limerents because I worked a job hair salon he didn’t want me to work for because the makeup manager use to go out with his married best friend so I left him and chose my job over him the salon was my ticket to get out of that street I’m grateful today we met up a year ago and family didn’t allow him at 61 oh well adios done can’t no more thanks Anna your extremely the best and that’s a compliment I stuffed and numed but only very little num but I throw it out yes relationship especially with woman I accepted them now not again and men are out because tired of crumbs done 😢@lorraineamicothemakeupartist rather be alone I’m at peace

Then tell me how to stop it

CODA meetings (in person) did wonders for me as well. Took a while to figure out (and admit) I needed it. Alanon is awesome to make connections. Great programs.

It was unnecessary to make the point of changing what she wrote to 'sex' as everyone knows exactly what she meant by being intimate. I use it often and those who read it understand exactly what I am saying when I do. It's called being polite. That's kind of like drawing the line between what sex is or isn't and saying kissing isn't sex when it actually is in some cases but that would depend on the kiss and who the kiss was with. For instance, I wouldn't say I ever gave my Mother an intimate kiss goodbye. A simple kiss goodbye or a kiss leading to futher sexual activity are 'not' both being intimate but the latter most definitely is & was what she was referring to when using the term. It is in the dictionary after all. I only say this because you're stressing the point and you can't get much more intimate than willingly having sex with someone. The lack of 'loving' sexual intimacy in a longterm relationship can be very harmful to a relationship and a good indication that it may be time to move on or there are issues to deal with and in this case, he has issues. I do understand your point all the same. Many people use sex as a gateway to find love and fail. So the real issue here is that intimacy or sex are not necessarily love. Cheers

I had a niece tell me years ago, "they're just aren't any good men anymore". I told her that of all the men that you did in your life they have one person in common and that is you. Why don't you try thinking differently about your life

The emptiness can only be filled by Jesus Christ.

Oh this video is god send! I was just thinking 'Maybe if i had a boyfriend now i would forget such and such' I need to learn to be fully ok by myself. Thank you for the massage 🤎

True no stuffing at 68 @lorraineamicothemakeupartist