I'm still in transition, but now, whenever now is for one, is always the best time to start tackling those negative internal narratives. So I guess I know what I have to do. 😊

self esteem has been a huge topic in my therapy ever since I came out to my therapist. decades of hating how I was plus being ashamed of how I should be created a LOT of negative self-talk

Dear dr. Z, I’ve responded to some of your videos in the past. Almost all my messages were about feeling stuck in my transition, not being able to move forward and live my life fulltime as a trans woman. Fear of what other people think (even neighbours and strangers) played a huge part but I felt there was also something else that was holding me back. I think my mind has been able to suppress my true self for 46 years because of the narrative I was telling myself. Sometimes consciously, sometimes unconsciously in the background. And now I tell everyone that I have accepted the fact that I’m transgender and that I’m okay with that, but after seeing this video I’ve realised that I didn’t get rid of the narrative. I still have all the negative thoughts and am one of those people who at times looks in the mirror and thinks she’s a freak 😢 My question is: how do I rewrite my narrative? Do I literally write down my life story and then re-write it with positive comments and affirmations? Again, thank you for all you do, you’re a lifesaver. Lots of love 🧡

thank you for this Dr Z. I've been struggling with this script as a trans man. Within myself I feel at peace now and can embrace what i see, but when confronted by society, it all breaks down. Unfortunately the fat person script is also there and reinforced by family as well as our selective culture. The issue for me is practical as I cannot change my legal documents, so housing, finding a job and even travelling (esp now with COVID protocols) has become really difficult, if not impossible. It's a daily reminder that eventhough within me there is congruence, the world will see the documents and want nothing to do with the bureaucratic nightmare... It's really bringing me down, has definitely torn my self-esteem to shreds and makes me think I'm entirely useless as a human being. At 48 years old (having started my transition at 41), I should have my life together, yet nothing could be further from the truth... Thank you for breaking this down and bringing the behaviour to the foreground. I can now notice it and understand it's programming rather than actual belief.

I am currently on HRT since late July and I am pretty happy with my internal self. Since mid December I have lost interest in alcohol. I hope that the joy last and I am hopeful on the changes that I will go through. I love being on e and spiro , which I call my antiboyotics

Whilst I'm not entirely there in what I want to achieve in transition, I've finished most of it, and the things I need the most. I've started developing this aspect of gender dysphoria which I never really had before, which is that I feel like a child, even though I'm 31. I think it's partially due to starting my transition at 25, so like I'm behind everyone else, but also I do have a very young-looking face (I've been told I have a baby face before). That coupled with a few other aspects of anxiety mean this narrative has gotten really powerful in my head. I'm getting help for it but yeah, it's hard.

Still mid transition, but I'm absolutely dealing with this. Objectively I'm already highly aligned with my gender, but self esteem is so hard. I even will feel my sense of my own gender wobble during periods of shame, which is super distressing. And yes, those negative messages were very strong for me. I was taught that all humans are inherently despicably wicked from birth, and every sin just adds to it. Then add in being the black sheep / scapegoat for the family trauma, and it's a lot to heal from. What helps is believing that my story with gender is actually a beautiful thing. Remembering how deeply I've learned to know myself, trust myself, and fight for myself. How I've kept loving my wife and kids through all that. There's a lot to feel proud of there. But it's still hard, and is definitely a work in progress.

Great insight Dr. Z and yeah although in early months on HRT this does arise. From time to time. Same with when I've been trying to heal from trauma. By going through recovery group. It doesn't go away completely. By realizing that fact. I am able to recognize it. Therefore making choice on how to better cope with. In order to move forward and work through it. Such things in those times are saying no that's not where I'm at and that's not me now. I believe it stems from false belief systems and even could be from self Gaslighting from hearing those negatives repeated. Especially when repeated in our own mind.

Dr. Z, this was a interesting subject. There a many days my dysphoria rages. I'm not sure what the end of my transition will look like, I'm not there yet. I hope one day to see myself as whole and complete, inside and out. I'm a very, very positive and goal oriented person, so there is hope. Mean time, thank you for your thoughts and help. Peace, Sheila.

This is a big one for me, my family has always shamed me for being different and called me weird. I actually figured out I was trans only after starting to heal from a lot of that and realizing that I could do this no matter what they think. I feel like now I'm on a slow but sure path towards recovery and being my authentic self

I’ve been watching your videos to help better support my transgender sister and damn… this video hits home! I don’t have a negative script, I have a whole movie franchise of negative scripts! I hope I can change and modify my own script to help myself, and also to be a better support for my sister

I found this video hitting very close to home, almost uncomfortably so. Thank you for these lessons you keep uploading, your content has helped me a whole lot with the first year of my transition.

I have the victimization script and I am stuck mid transition- that said I do have major issues with cptsd ..I have for decades but didn’t understand my symptoms until maybe 2 1/2 mos ago - I work that stuff ..I mediate and so a lot of work however ..I jump right back into the narrative. This was very helpful content because I am not gaining long term “ good “ feelings ...I think that’s why - unrecognized shame guilt self sabotage etc and nasty self talk / hate. Probably explains why I am also stuck mid transition too. Thanks DocZ!

I find I'm often tempted to fall into a passive attitude. The very 'woe is me, the world is terrible to transgender people'. But when I think that way I become insecure and fixate on all the bad things that aren't the ideal I want. When I catch myself doing that I take a moment to sit down and think about why and what is causing me pain. Then I force myself to problem solve a plan that will allow me to take an active position. So when I realized my family made me feel like shit I took small steps to be financially independent so I could cut them off. When I became frustrated by how long hormonal transition takes I focused on other aspects of my life I could improve, like fitness and skin care. It requires a lot of radical acceptance and logical processing. I might think, oh I'm an ugly man. Well, I was certainly very beautiful as a woman and less dimorphically attractive as a man but which do I prefer, beautiful woman or mediocre man without dysphoria. The latter. If that means people find me unattractive, then those are people who don't appreciate what I've been through and aren't the people that I want to waste my time with. Also, learn to enjoy your time alone. If you can do that it gives you such a boost in confidence because you won't tolerate people that make you feel like crap.

This makes a lot of sense in relation to the thoughts of, "I'll be an ugly woman," I mentioned with a previous video. For some, it makes sense that dysphoria would result in a negative internal narrative on our looks. Heck, not even dysphoria but our society in general fosters a negative internal script about our appearance. So if you're transgender and transitioning or even thinking about it, that script will simply carry over. "I'm an unattractive man," becomes "I'll be an unattractive woman." Or vice-versa for someone who is transitioning to male. For non-binary and other GNC folks, that script may revolve around attractiveness compared to conventional, gender-conforming messages about attractiveness. When targeting this script for work around self acceptance, it almost takes gender out of the picture. The core script might simply be, "I'm unattractive" and gender identity and presentation are almost irrelevant to that part of you. And, really, that thought almost comes as a relief to me in regards to the self-work. Because the self-work I gotta do isn't really around my emerging gender identity or presentation but, really, just self-acceptance. Separating the work needed around the script of, "I'm unattractive" makes it seem like a less intimidating obstacle toward transition than, "But I'll be an unattractive woman." Because, really, that internal narrative will likely be persistent regardless of presentation. Becoming more authentic may actually help turn down the volume on it, too. One trick I used when dismantling my internalized homophobia when I came out as pansexual was transforming the "voice" of that internal script. Rather than those thoughts being my own, I envisioned a character I called "The Judge" - because I was dealing with internal judgement. The character was envisioned as Sylvester Stallone in his role of Judge Dredd - which was an incredibly campy movie and an almost laughable role for him. The result was that those internal scripts became as campy and laughable as the most ridiculous impression of Sly Stallone you've ever heard. I'll have to come up with a different character for my internalized transphobia and script related to my appearance, but I've done it before so I can definitely do it again. I also try to bring mindfulness in when I struggle with that. I can't know what things will be like in the next month, year, 5 years, so on. The only place and time I can be in relation to my transition is this place and this moment, so I try to practice bringing my thoughts of the future back into the here and now and the optimism I do feel when I engage in things that bring a sense of gender euphoria.

This was very helpful and something I need to start working on. Thanks for all you do to help us!

Thanks for your video, it has been rather timely for me. I have been going through a tough time recently due to a mix of factors and while my current mood issues are seemingly not directly related to my transition the end effect is roughly the same and your video has helped me at least a bit. I am still early in my transition and most of the time have been able to maintain a positive lense on things, but it is not always so easy to do this. We all have our limits and it seems that when these limits are hit we can misdirect or misinterpret what is causing us to feel as we do. Your video has helped me to reframe my view of my current situation and nudge me back on track. It is not a quick fix, but it was uncannily timely for me and helped. There are aspects mentioned in the video that resonate with me very strongly (body self-image aspects), and it just helped to remind me that I am doing what I can to address them long term and mitigate them short term. So, thank you again and keep up the good work.

My sister don’t know i have dysphoria. The things she said about trans women made me feel ashamed of myself and avoided thinking about my identity for many years. I mostly feel like a clown living as a guy. On the positive side. I’m privileged of a androgynous body and I have my mothers eyes. Ps. We need to abolish beauty standards.

Thanks so much!

I just appreciate your videos so much. Thank you for posting these. 🙏🏳️‍⚧️

…, “and I see you next time. Bye.” ♥️😘

I'm not in transition, but, just in case it is useful for someone, regarding the overweight pepole example, I was one of them, like 25 years ago. It suddenly went away due to a combination of changes in exercising and eating habits, a growth spurt and an apendicectomy. I still feel part of that narrative, I am quite vigilant of my weight, but I deal with it sticking to objective data, like BMI, waist-to-hip ratio... Things like that, though I always feel "I'm not thin enough", even if some people say I'm skinny now. I know I'm not overweight, but it is still there, so I just rationalize it. As I said, just in case it turns some light on...

The ancer for all is controle your thoughts of your self beleave your creator that you are perfict so act accordingly and most of all your forgiven

Dr Z, I love you and I'm grateful for what you said in this video, but I'd like to point out that you may have set your camera on an unstable table, so when you spoke, especially that close to camera, the camera shook so badly that it literally made my head swirl and hard to focus. Maybe you could do something about that in the future? Looking forward to more videos from you, especially ones about mental health and empowerment❤

Can you explain the difference between dysphoria and body dysmorphia? I can't tell which I'm experiencing and I'm not confident in my therapist's 5 minute diagnosis.

Can there be or is there a video on why one may still have imposter syndrome after seeing feeling and believing in oneself?

Is the disphoria causing the fatigue an depression

😭

I don’t judge cisgender people anymore who don’t understand transgender persons like me because they don’t know that gender identity is in your brain. They aren’t doctors or biologist who have knowledge about the brain. But it still hurts when people (espacially religious people) critzis us just because our gender identity. It sucks.