I dunno. “Something is wrong” and “I need to go to the hospital” are pretty clear to me.

Also, he WAS clear. He said he needs to go to the hospital. I don't need tons of information. You tell me emergency, ER, pain and I'm dropping everything and I'm checking on you.

If his messages in the update were accurate, he said "something's wrong" well before he mentioned his balls. She was annoyed with him *from the jump* for daring to text her. That is a red flag. If she was already drunk enough to alter her personality after 2 hours (then stayed out another 4), that would be an issue itself, but her behavior later with the "it didn't hurt that bad" says it wasn't a personality change. She doesn’t respect him and still thinks her night out was more important than his emergency or pain. They're young, ok, sure, but it isn't his responsibility to raise her. OP is NTA.

Can you imagine if girlfriend almost lost a breast and OP saying it couldn't have been that bad?

Men will never understand the pain of childbirth and women will never understand testicular pain. Both are very serious and should be highly respected.

The thing about his communication not being the greatest is...he was in INTENSE PAIN. Like vomiting from the pain. Think of the worst pain you've experienced and think about how well you were able to communicate that pain while you were experiencing it. You can't expect someone in that level of pain to be able to articulate it well. Your brain is so focused on the pain that "balls hurt" is likely the best you can do.

The expectation of a person in a medical emergency to communicate better is bs. He told her it was an emergency. Thats all that needed to be said. If he were having a heart attacj should he take the time to explain it? She was too busy partying to care. OP said it best if situation was recerssed and it were her texting my v***a hurts , he would be crucified.

If his claim that he has no history of pranking or terrible jokes, gf should have known the serious situation AND could have returned the call after seeing his text so she can find out if the situation requires urgency or not. I always check my family and friends when they send out of character (time, day) texts/calls.

GF definitely sucks for blocking her own boyfriend, & the laughing emojis when he told her he needed to go to the hospital. Her saying he was exaggerating was BS too, he had to have emergency surgery! I don't think she was trying to be a jerk, but she was definitely being selfish. I couldn't trust the other person again. Maybe they can be ok with some counseling.

Break up. And that whole thing about the pain not being that bad? Who the f is she to tell him that the pain wasn't that bad? And she thought that he was being insecure by not wanting her to be around a lot of men at the club? I don't know about OP, but for me, it would have been over. And I'm sure there were signs and red flags all throughout the years they were together (IMO)

Former imaging tech here. Torsion testicle is literally when the inside of a man's testicle twists to the point blood flow gets cut off. Yes, serious. Yes, needs immediate attention. And YES can happen to men at ANY TIME. It's usually men under 60 but no guarantee.

I don't like that "I can't talk right now". Because why if you're just in the club? Go to the bathroom real quick to check. Especially if he is REPEATEDLY calling you! Anything could have been wrong. That could have meant she was talking to or with another man, so I see why he asked if she was cheating.

I knew when he started describing the pain that it had to be testicular torsion (thanks, $ex Sent Me to the ER). I wouldn't blame OP for dumping her. If after 5 years, she can't tell the difference between when he's being serious and when he's joking (especially since he was calling AND texting her) then how well does she know him? OP said it was only a 5 minute walk from the club to the apartment, she could have taken the time to walk home and check on OP.

When you're in pain you can't always come up with the words to say what's happening. When someone you love says I have to go to the hospital you drop whatever you're doing and go help in anyway you can drunk or not.

My fiancé came home from work one day and told me his balls hurt, I INSTANTLY was concerned and took him to the hospital. Turned out to be an infection in the tubes but he was in PAIN.. always take someone’s pain seriously!

Dump her for sure soon as he said somthing is wrong I need to go to the hospital she should have been home it’s that simple nta

If someone is vomiting due to pain then you should know is bad. What would have happened if he needed someone to sign for him if he was unable to at the hospital? If she was able to stay at the bar that long she was not that drunk when he was trying to contact her. If someone is trying that hard to call you, while saying they need to go to the hospital you should take it serious. The moment she blocked him the relationship was technically over. She did not trust him enough to answer his call, and now he does not trust her.

She never bothered to answer the phone AND she blocked him, she has to go!

He wasn't in the place to be clear, he was in too much pain (about to lose an organ, nonetheless) and she should have ABSOLUTELY answered the phone, she was such an asshole

This relationship is dead unless she seriously eats humble pie and they get counseling. If my ovary's tied in a knot and my partner ignored me I wouldn't trust them anymore.

As a person that suffered ovarian torsion I sympathize with OP. What I experienced was extremely painful and took a few days of tests before the doctors figured it out. Poor guy.

The texts are one thing, but him repeatedly calling and NOT answering to say “dude stop joking it isn’t funny and then hearing the severe pain he was in, that’s not cool.

She was five minutes from their apartment. Come on. She's gotta go.

If it had just been one message saying "my balls hurt I need the hospital" or there had been issues surrounding her going out in the past then I could see thinking it was a joke. But that wasn't the case, it was multiple calls and texts saying it was an emergency. It blows my mind that with that many texts and calls she couldn't take 30sec to step outside and call to check on him. She just blocked him because he was annoying her. Yeah She was drinking and the girls might have been winding her up but she was still aware enough to make those decisions, and then minimize his feelings when he confronted her. This might be salvageable, but for that to happen she is gonna need to have a long think, and maybe some counseling, and figure out why she chose to believe he would do that when he never has before.

I’m sorry if my boyfriend has shown no signs of pranking or controlling behavior if I hear he’s in pain and needs to go to the hospital I’m going to a quieter space so I can talk to him and see what is going on and then heading home. If I’m in no shape to drive I’m telling him to call 911 and I’ll call an Uber and meet him at the hospital. Her first reaction to seeing puke and no boyfriend to yell at is to be annoyed? This relationship is over. I don’t care how long he was in it he just saw that his girlfriend valued a night out more than him in medical crisis. He’s right in that if the roles were switched people would be telling his SO off and not trying to make it his problem. She even tried to play it off as “ it couldn’t have been that bad “. What part of being in so much pain that he vomits is “ not that bad “?

NTA So I definitely understand that OP could've communicated his issue better but he's right when you're in that level of pain communication is harder. And even if she did think it was a prank the least she could've done was answer the phone and talk to him even once. But she ignored his called and then went as far as blocking him. That's fucked. No matter how you spin it unless this is a behavior he's shown before which he stated it isn't. She should've at least taken it semi seriously and tried talking to him instead of blowing him off. Poor description of pain or other wise.

My eldest son had testicular torsion in 2007 or 2008. It’s lucky it came on suddenly and painfully because my dad and I were able to get him to the hospital in time for emergency surgery to save the testicle. For some guys it happens slower with a lower amount of pain over a few days. Once blood is cut off from the testicle it dies within seven hours. Trauma to the scrotum can cause testicular torsion, but not always. Testicles are connected to the scrotum by a thin stringlike membrane. If that membrane detaches (due to injury or sometimes for no reason) the testicle will begin to twist, cutting off blood circulation to the testicle. If the testicle can be saved the surgeon will stitch both the twisted testicle and the unaffected testicle to ensure no reoccurrence of twisting for one and no spontaneous twisting for the other. If the testicle is too damaged or dead from circulation being cut off the surgeon will remove that testicle and stitch the unaffected testicle to the scrotum to prevent it from following in the dead testicle’s lead

Text his whole medical emergency with twisted balls....ok, Dusty. Nope. Leave her.

as someone who has had an ovarian torsion she is totally the asconaut!

About the only thing I think should have happened, she should have atleast called to be sure what was going on, she would have heard the pain

You would think that after 5 years, you would know the type of person you're dating and how if they never joked around or was against you going out, they would be serious if they said they needed to go to the hospital regardless of context. I completely disagree that it's a communication issue. Didn't even bothered to check when it's 5 minutes away. Not even counting the fact that this could have been way worse if OP trusted the girlfriend will come and check on him.

IMO she’s not truly remorseful . She keeps on being sorry then defensive and the cycle continues

I don't know Dusty, OP was in pain so trying to have a conversation with clarity would be hard.

Most people when in extreme pain are usually barely coherent. The fact that he was able to send any kind of messages, let alone to 911 (or other emergency services number) to eventually get help was little short of amazing. Given OP had no history of pulling pranks on his gf, yeah it's on her for not at least checking on him. Being drunk IMO is no excuse for not checking on someone that says they need your help. OP, the one thing you absolutely must not do is "test" her with a fake emergency. That would totally destroy whatever relationship you have remaining with her. NTA!

The fact that she continued to gaslight him after. Are you kidding me. Not a good relationship. She isn't mature enough for the relationship eith OP

After he said he needs to go to the hospital, there is no other questions needed. She should have just gone home and checked on him. If he was joking she could have just returned to the club and yell later. A 5 minute walk is nothing.

My kidney stone was so painful, the spasms made me vomit and void my bladder and bowels simultaneously. So, yeah, OP's ex-gf, that intensity of pain does exist. Geesh.

NTA I'm in full agreement with Dusty here. Personally, I'm a huge advocate for being able and willing to discuss rules and boundaries in a relationship, but I think that that has to be a mutual decision and not an ultimatum. It has to be "This is how we recover" and not "This is how you get back into my good graces." I also agree 100% that the OP needs to consider how he frames this in his mind. He could very easily wind up projecting this level of mistrust onto future relationships. He doesn't have to let this specific woman regain his trust, but he'd be an asshole to himself if he didn't at least try to trust his next partner.

I think, at the end of the initial story, they could’ve worked it out. I get that he was in so much pain he couldn’t communicate clearly and she was drunk and thought he was joking. She found him and apologized immediately. But her downplaying his pain when they talked later pushed her into AH territory. Calling it “disrespectful” is weird though, but it was inconsiderate and she handled it poorly. His new boundaries (read: rules) definitely won’t work, I agree with Dusty that it’s over.

Nah, her blocking him is craaazy. Who tf blocks their partner without even answering a single phone call first to see what's up??

Testicular torsion is so painful it was a wonder he could phone her at all!! She's an AH!

First of all he was so clear about the fact that he needed to go to the hospital and he was feeling pain, and something was wrong and he wanted her to come home. But also there is nothing in the world that would make me block my significant other's number that is not a relationship ending offense. How in the world are you blocking his number to make it so that it is impossible for him to contact you in the Case of emergency???

You need a code stronger than ‘I need to go to the hospital’?!?!

This happened to my husband he did lose me of his balls they told him it was a kidney stone

They're not compatible and he sounds very self aware. He would not be TA. OP made completely solid points and they can grow and learn from this apart

If my husband calls and said my balls hurt... I'm going home!!! The exact same symptoms hit my brother and he swelled bigger than a baseball... He had testicular cancer. Never underestimate a man's pain.

Not explode but yeah, it twists and can be caused by several things but yeah, it can be very serious. Very much NTA. She's a bizzo for not coming home when he said he needed help.

I maybe a bit biased due to having health problems and family with health problems, but if someone asks you to take them to the hospital you dont ask questions you do everything in your power to help them. The ONLY question i could see asked is if they can wait however long itd take you to get there.

Her gaslighting him afterwards is what bothered me. Yea if he imposes the rules on them later yea these would be horrible. Their relationship sounds toxic. The only way I see it working is if they go to therapy.

Edit he is nta. But Will people please learn to call emergency services and not drunk partners, friends or family in a medical emergency?

My ex husband woke up at 4 am with one from a sound sleep. He thought I kicked him in my sleep or something. I was 3 months pg with our 1st child. Had to get up and drive him to the hospital. Because I was able to get him their quickly they were able to give him medicine and he didn't have to have surgery...

This video just popped up in my feed. I'm impressed by your analysis of this situation and the couple. Good advice. If he can't HONESTLY let this go, it is a recipe for disaster. In this relationship and future ones. Instead of unilateral "rules" how about mutual consideration. WE will not ignore each other's messages. WE will not block each other. That sort of thing.

Given that he has ZERO history of pranking her or pulling that sort of BS, his messages were CRYSTAL clear to me. I can't even imagine what sort of pain he was in, but I HAVE been in so much pain I've hurled, and you 1000000% are NOT thinking clearly at all. When my appendix started to act up, I was in such pain I could barely speak, let alone stare at a keyboard and put letters together coherently to form actual words that made any sense. I get that she was drunk, but what she did was straight up disrespectful. She didn't show even an ounce of concern, not an iota of a moment did she stop and think "shit what if he's for real?". Just laughed at him and threatened to block him and then ACTUALLY blocked him. Even taking into account that she's young, was in an un-serious environment, and intoxicated, the way she behaved is deal-breaking behavior. I DO, however, think he could carry some life lessons into his next relationship. Namely, the code-word for "shit is going down I need you RIGHT NOW". My family and I have such a word that, when given, means you drop WHATEVER you are doing and contact the person immediately. Also, the no blocking thing--yes, that whole list probably wasn't worded well, but honestly, that's trauma-inducing to be in desperate need, heaps of pain, and to have your partner, whom you trust implicitly laugh at you and then BLOCK you???? Nah fam. That would never, ever fly with me.

Testicular torsion is a surgical emergency. If not addressed quickly the lack of blood flow will cause that testicle to die.

This relationship won’t last much. Even if it wasn’t intentional, his trust on her is broken and his rules aren’t cohesive as well. There are so many misunderstandings that are going to be taken as big deals. This trauma made him insecure and this insecurity can “create” a control freak. This won’t work. If trust is broken, there’s no relationship anymore.

Even in my most drunkest or whimsical state, like riding horses or shopping with friends. If my husband repeatedly calls or text me. I'm dropping everything to take that call to find out what's wrong. She lacks concern for her partner. If she had answered his call she would have realized the severity of the situation.

Him being a construction worker and lifting heavy stuff, im surprised it did happen sooner. My ex husband had a twisted testi once and he was in excursiang pain. Construction work is hard heavy work. On that i would say this relationship is over. You two are young and the trust issues are your sinking ship. Lesson learned to carry on to the next.

this happened to my husband after our first date he was 17. He had to tell his parents who did rush him to the ER and he received treatment that didn’t involve surgery but yeah it’s a thing it happens with or without any kind of trigger it’s never happened since and we’re now in our 40s but yeah, it’s terrifying.

She’s ABSOLUTELY an ahole for not taking his MULTIPLE calls & even moreso for blocking him. She’s 22. She was drunk. I can understand her not understanding how big of a deal this was. Her walking home at 11-12pm alone, drunk? Terrible idea, even if it’s nearby. Neither of them was thinking or communicating very clearly (‘come home bc my balls hurt’ isn’t very explanatory to a 22-yr-old kid who probably never heard of testicular torsion), and it’s probably not something their relationship will recover from. She was drunk. OP is NTA, but this was a really sad situation. They’re both so young. Also, staying out until 3am when he was asking her to come home was HORRIBLE.

I think the relationship could POSSIBLY be saved, but he definitely needs trauma therapy.

He was being gaslighted by this gf it’s a nope she’s an AH he deserves better and lies she had to have been with someone else,no friends are worth the time if your bf/gf when they have an emergency

Dusty idk how you would be able to properly communicate while being in intense pain

I've had this happen before. IT FUCKING SUCKS!!!!! Imagine the worst kick in the balls and multiply it by 100.

Relationships are created over a long period of experiences, but are ruined by only one.

i went through something similar, that pain was horribly hard to bare even for me with a high tolerance to pain, he was lucky in the end, as mine was cancer and had to have it removed

Nta. They've been together for too long & he's not needy nor a prankster for her to ignore him. He is 1000% correct l flip the script & we'd definitely say he was ta. He will always think about this is they stay together. Plus, the rules would in up with him being controlling.

No one is thinking of one thing. She was drunk. She was 3h into clubbing. Also if she's in a club she probably can't talk because it's loud. She probably wouldn't have been able to take him to the hospital because she would have been drunk driving.

My feelings on this are on a rollercoaster. 1.He should be mad 2. I can see how “my balls hurt” seems like a joke 3. Why are you with someone if you seriously think they would ruin your night out bc they’re lonely 4. He’s right to put up a boundary about blocking him 5. He sounds like he’s dipping into manipulation when he says she has to pick up for him “no matter what”. That sounds way big of a threat when there are plenty of reasons she may not be able to pick up right away. This would make me feel like I’m walking on egg shells… and I’ve done that before.

No. I was gonna give her some grace until he wrote out the exact messages. And even then i was like "okay she was drunk" until she said he was exaggerating. Ive BEEN in that kind of pain before. The kind of pain where you cant move and dont care that youre throwing up on the carpet. You cant see the phone to text a bunch becausw your eyesight goes blurry. Blocking him was out of pocket. She is the AH and he needs to dump her. Downplaying his pain is inexcusable to me. If i tell my husband something is wrong he has me in the car before i can say anything else. I have stage 4 endometriosis, PCOS, and a failing kidney. Im in a lot of pain most of the time. He would never dare question me on it.

Ow my empathy ballz

She was probably drunk by then anyway.

New fear unlocked for all men learning this now 😳

I can't imagine such a pain as what he describes but I've had a heart attack, one does not have the energy or time to talk about one's pain in such a situation. Furthermore he called Several times both before and after texting the words Something's Wrong and Hospital. She's responsible for her actions, whether or not she's drunk. Her trying to write off his pain when they talked afterwards was a HUGE red flag, I couldn't trust such a person anymore myself. If such a thing were salvageable it would have to come with a lot of therapy and couples counseling. Also, he's 100% correct, had the roles been reversed and it was her that went to the hospital he would have been on the proverbial Reddit-BBQ if he had done what she did.

I don't blame OP. The club is 5 minutes away. She could of left to check on OP. He was clear with his text. She picked getting drunk over OP

No. He kept calling. You at least answer the phone and ask, "WHAT?!" Make sure everything is cool. Geez.

If she was an hour away or something I get it but she was 5 MINUTES AWAY IM SO ANGRY Even if I thought my boyfriend would ever DARE play such a horrible joke on me to intentionally ruin my night (why would anyone be/stay with someone who would ever do that btw) I would 100% check on him if only to be sure! Theres no downsides to checking. If BF is for real youve been a helpful good partner by being there for them If BF is being an AH you now know youre dating the kind of AH that would do that and you can dump them and move on! But this had no precident of him doing that to her. If he always did that to her and this time she got fed up and refused to go to him Id understand, but WTF?! Also those rules are stupid bruh literally just dump her. If you cant trust her get rid of her.

Oooh poor Dusty not knowing what testicular torsion is kljdfslgk lol And yeah uh, it basically is your balls fucking around and getting stuck. We don't know exactly how this happens, we can only speculate.

If women can say "no uterus no opinion" then men can say "no testicles no opinion" when it comes to saying they are "over exaggerating" their pain. The fact that he has never given her a reason to doubt him and she doubted him anyway, and even blocked him is problematic. I feel secondhand anxiety just listening to the story and could never trust my partner if they responded to a medical emergency in a similar way. NTA. I hope he goes to therapy to recover from such an ordeal.

While she should have gone home she had been at the club for a few hours within walking distance of her apartment... she was probably drunk and shouldn't have been driving anyone. That doesn't excuse her ignoring him completely but he wasn't clear that it was an emergency and if I got that text while I was drunk I honestly don't know if I would've taken him seriously either

Does he make it a habit to call his girlfriend if she is at a club? He has already said he doesn't like clubs. He says he wouldn't try and get her to come home but it doesn't mean he wouldn't call to disrupt the night.Maybe this is why she could have misconstrued the texts.Also she couldn't have driven OP,she had been drinking. This needs a full conversation between you and then decide.

one of my male friend had the same happen when just watching tv and out off the bleu he started screaming in pain so yes i did rush him to the hospital and saved his boys , if you hear that kind pain you madical help is and should be task 1

LEAVE.

NTA; but OP was not clear with her. Those texts really seemed like they were a joke. Esp since she'd been drinking. I don't think she's TA. She could have maybe ridden to the hospital, she couldn't drive. They're 22. Once she realized she actually went to the hospital. They should maybe go to therapy. This is a case of youth and bad communication.

There were a lot of red flags on OP and his GF's behaviors, so Id really like to hear the GF's side of this story. I suspect he wasn't actually cool with her going clubbing and has given her a hard time for having girls nights out in the past. I know he denied this, but i have serious doubts about how truthful that is, based on other things he said. I think the GF thought he was just trying to guilt her into coming home early, so she didn't believe that something that serious was actually happening. On the other hand, if she's happy with him, why insist on going clubbing until 3 am in the first place? Major red flag on her part. I think the reason he keeps talking about how gravely disrespectful she was and how he'll never trust her again is because he thinks she was up to no good when she was out at the club. And he's probably right.

I'm all for giving people the benefit of the doubt but this isn't one of them

💙

Op nta if leaving her... First of all, if I get ANY kind of message that's off plus other one is calling to my phone many times I go and call back asap! If it's "prank", i will be angry but more about why make me worrued than anything else. Other thing is... if this had happened to me (well, not by testicle but something similar in womans body😂) i couldn't br with that person anymore. My trust would be gone, trust to get help. One of Basic needs in relationship.

Walk away. Deciding that you have a right to implement rules on your girlfriend or else, you need to walk away. She was in the wrong for blocking but you are far too controlling.

@Dusty Thunder, I think you're wrong about them being done. Possibly. IF he can let it go and realize they both made major mistakes (albeit innocent ones during a serious situation), then they can grow from this. His messages DID sound like he was not being serious, ESPECIALLY if you're drunk. If she hadn't been drunk, then she might have been more worried and wouldn't have dismissed them like she did. I'm not excusing it because she was drunk. But it's a reason. They've been together a long time. If this is the first time she's reacted like this, then just saying they're through is a big leap. On his part, I completely understand why his messages (voice and text) weren't more clear. I've had pain bad enough that it makes it hard to breathe, let alone be coherent. So he isn't at fault eighter. To me, it sounded like she truly wants to make things better. I think his "demands" are good, although like you said, definitely not worded the way he had it and not calling them DEMANDS. Just... Yes, agree to never block the other person, even if you think they're being a jerk. Always call, even if you think they're joking around, and say it uh, voice-to-voice. "Quit screwing around and trying to make me leave or not have fun." "I'm not! I need to go to the hospital." Then if the other person gets home and the partner is lying, then that's a whole other issue. So they have some trust issues to work through, but a long relationship like that where it sounds like this is the first issue like this they've had should be worked on, not just dismissed, especially since he was thinking of buying a ring and proposing. I usually agree with you 100%, but on this, I think you're wrong. *shrug*

New fear unlocked for all men watching 😳

Sorry but if you’re in a lot of pain you don’t think about which words are going to work

It bothers me a bit how OP EXCUSED his unclear communication because he was mentally compromised from pain, but then ACCUSED girlfriend for not understanding his communication when she was mentally compromised from alcohol. BOTH wreak havoc on your thought process… pain makes everything worse, alcohol makes everything “better.”

It's funny that he expects her to respond normally even with drinking😳

If they share the same friend group then why didn't he communicate his emergency to other people she was with so she would know it was genuine? He's not telling the whole story here and does pull crap with her

No woman responds this way unless she's used to her man crying wolf.

Absolutely NTA. She should've never left in the first place. Admittedly, it is partially his fault for letting her go out but still, she should've been a better partner and come straight home when he first told her to.

Why not, “I’m in excruciating pain, can’t stand up, and I’m vomiting!” Instead of “come home my balls hurt!” Probably because he is controlling and psychotic. I am a woman and in the same situation I probably would call my partner, and whether they answered or not I’d I’ve wait, I should be calling an ambulance. And they cost money. But if I was in fear of my life, my drunk partner would not be much help anyway. The fact that he depended on her so hard, and then called her a million times instead of getting himself he,p makes him seem petty, gross, dumb and manipulative. Doesn’t seem like he was in much fear for his wellness if he just kept calling a number that wouldn’t answer. And most people wouldn’t answer if they had a boyfriend who was calling them nonstop about his balls and no information when you try to go out alone with your friends. He is a controlling abuser and he is going to be begging for her back when he realizes the next one isn’t dumb or broken enough to fall for his shit.

Sounds like he normally makes up excuses to keep her from going out with her friends, so now she didn't believe him

My eldest son had testicular torsion in 2007 or 2008. It’s lucky it came on suddenly and painfully because my dad and I were able to get him to the hospital in time for emergency surgery to save the testicle. For some guys it happens slower with a lower amount of pain over a few days. Once blood is cut off from the testicle it dies within seven hours. Trauma to the scrotum can cause testicular torsion, but not always. Testicles are connected to the scrotum by a thin stringlike membrane. If that membrane detaches (due to injury or sometimes for no reason) the testicle will begin to twist, cutting off blood circulation to the testicle. If the testicle can be saved the surgeon will stitch both the twisted testicle and the unaffected testicle to ensure no reoccurrence of twisting for one and no spontaneous twisting for the other. If the testicle is too damaged or dead from circulation being cut off the surgeon will remove that testicle and stitch the unaffected testicle to the scrotum to prevent it from following in the dead testicle’s lead