🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 exactly

That has been my experience. Share my emotional experience? I have solved it already, so pointless. Except, that, by doing so, once agai, I am providing value, to HER. WTF do I ever get? Just more burden.

Yes, and then I ask a woman, "What do you add to my life.

Yes, well said

and this happens to women too.

@@delphinebrooks5110 yes but the key difference is the typical react from the opposite gender. A man does not find a woman less attractive for it. A woman will find the man less attractive.

@@KJ-pu8dw I'm not so sure...men do not like too emotionally needy women. I think the desire to share emotions with a partner is great but no one likes to deal with a needy child who didn't receive enough validation. Each of us has to do the work on our own (with professional help when needed) before to expect a mature , fulfilling romantic relation ship.

This is too true

This is so true!

Check again minute 6:04 and you'll understand better.

Good luck

This is the reality of being a man. As soon as you figure out that life isn't fear especially when you are a man you will feel free. I used to think just like you. This is not that much different from the "nice guy" line of thinking. I'm not saying this to be mean. This is real life.

Woman have their own growth curve and it’s not the same as men. The video is right moving past needing validation from your woman is the move from boy to man. You don’t need to do it in your own but it’s not for her to take this on it’s for your trusted male friends to hear and help. Join a support group or counselling if you don’t have trusted male friends that’s what I had to do. It may take a while to get the right group but that’s ok. Stick with it you will not believe what you will become as you start to get your shit together. Good luck brother.

Date a girl who isn't tied to gender role expectations and has an actual nuanced understanding of the world. And if that doesn't work, oh well, be happy for yourself. This world is too full of resentment as is.

This is exactly it. The juice is not worth the squeeze. I have been naive and really bad at maneuvering the world of sexual and romantic relations, and have been taught the same lessons too many times, until at last I am starting to learn them (partly thanks to channels like this and PsychHacks, among others). I see that what he is saying here is true. And I see the validity of a lot of these bitter truths. But the consequences of this is that I am totally disillusioned by relationships and women in general. Why the hell should I spend all that time and energy on something pointless, transactional, to give and not getting what I really want and need in return? And at the same time, I am still a young man with hormones and desires. Desire not only for sex, but much more so for the deep connection with a woman. It is like being at a old-fashioned streching table, being pulled in different directions at once.

As a woman, I really agree with what he's saying about needing to develope skills to regulate our own emotions/inner landscape (women are DEFINITELY included in needing to develop these skills!) But I think it's not THE answer to the particular question asked in the video. I agree with you. No matter if you're a man or a woman, even if you can regulate your own emotions/inner landscape 75 or 80% of the time completely on your own, it's a normal and beautiful part of relationships to be able to have your experience validated by your partner. NOT to have them solve everything. But just to be able to have someone to share it with. I've been on both extremes of men in my life not sharing./acknowledging any inner landscape or conversely using me as the sole emotional dumping ground/processing station in their life. I've also experienced a middle ground where there's some mutual support and validation while we each try our best to handle our own stuff. The middle ground is the better ground. For both parties, I am sure. Yes, there are differences between men and women. But there are so many more similariies between us than differences.

That's what I felt. It's depressing to think you are restricted in sharing your own emotions with someone closest to you just even though it's fine for them to do it

​@dirimi6352 share your emotions once she has proven that she is safe to share it with. Go to therapy to talk out wmotions u til you find a partner that is mature enough to be there for you

Well said. I don't want to fix problems, I want to hear you and be in that emotional space with you, beside you. As a woman, empathy comes very naturally to me, so I naturally want to exercise that empathic skill. A mature woman who wants a healthy connection wants to see you thrive and is not interested in control.

@@kalynsloan495 I would say a mature woman wants to explore life and share experiences which can only happens in within a healthy connection. Many women (despite really not aspiring to it) end up to play the role of the father that most men never had. And the role of the father is to control and to challenge while the role of the mother is to nurture...to want to see someone "thrive" or to control are both parenting.

@@delphinebrooks5110 I appreciate your response because it reminds me of the power of words, and of the roles context and beliefs play. It also reminds me not to speak on behalf of others, but only of myself. I definitely understand how a parent wants for their child to "thrive" and I appreciate you pointing that out. However, I use "thrive" in other contexts, too. To me it means to reach the potential *you* want for yourself, to realize your personal goals. It's a word I use commonly in my communities and it's something I wish for anyone I love (and not in any kind of controlling way). So although we might not use "thrive" in the same way, perhaps we can agree that "control" is not part of our goal in having a healthy connection with a man.

@@kalynsloan495 yes we can agree.

This is why all of historical societies did not count women as equals to men. They are adult children and need to be managed as such. The man must take possession of his wife and own the responsibility that comes with being her caretaker while recognizing that she will never be his caretaker. Be the leader and treat her in this fashion and she will then be “in her feminine” and submit. Companionship comes from the other men in your tribe. Damn, Islam is right about women….

@@hieug.rection1920 Adult children. Precisely my recent conclusion on the matter. (evan though they are very capable human beigns, in many ways surpassing some/most men, they seem to ... turn off those capacities when they are no longer single)

This is exactly what I was thinking I agree with everything if it pertains to feelings that derive outside of the relationship but not if it’s feelings your getting from your partner

Calculus-Well said. But you need to learn more about how women think. In a perfect world you are right. Sadly the reality is different.

He's saying someone shouldn't rely on their partner or other relationships to be their sole source of emotional validation and partners are looking for someone with the emotional maturity to validate themselves. I think he caveats this with the idea of the parental role being a primary source for developmental validation for emotionally immature people as they help them recognize their own systems of regulation. You, too, should be looking for a partner that is capable of regulating their own emotional systems, not just 'women.'

If that is the case, why do you chase after them, dream of them, pay for them, work hard with the hopes fo capturing them, if they have no value

​@@carmeld45 You assume quite a lot things.

Glad this landed for you brother. Having male friends is key!

It just kind of sucks to have to be her emotional support system and provide "validation'', but as soon as the emotional dynamics are flipped I should figure it out myself, and or find another man to help because I can't get the same support from her that she demands of me. At least that's how I'm understanding it. please correct me if I'm wrong. @@ManTalks

Here's what you do. You tell her you are fine. You then take your emotions to a group of guy friends and vent there or a therapist.

@@avostorm8111 see and that’s what I always thought man this specific girl confuses me.

​@@marquise7200at the end of the day man, there are two things to learn, girls don't give a f about your feelings/emotions. Too many men have stated that as soon as they open up, even if the girl wants him to, the girl will lose interest. 2. We as men are always replaceable. Girls can go on any dating site and have an ungodly amount of choices. She can chose if she wants to hook up, have a casual friend, or finds long term relationship all before you even know what's happening. It's not the old days anymore where people work together, made mistakes and grew. Now, if you make a mistake, people will just leave. Don't get me wrong man, shit hurts my chest typing it out but I don't see it getting any better for us.

I'm in the same situation. My girl of 4 years always tells me that she is frustrated that I have never opened up or cried in front of her.

Why? External validation is extremely important. Thsts why we developed statistics.

Wait so you only want to receive emotional support but NEVER give it? Is that how a relationship works?

​@@realprimeartkinda. It's like when a women complains about topic a, b and c, they don't want an answer, they want an outlet. But this is growing up and understanding that men are PROVIDERS. You bring these things not take things. Make sense kinda?

So true...I have Grenaded three marriages answering their desire for me to be vulnerable and was called too sensitive and emotionally weak.Now you get no insight into anything I feel.

Hate to admit it, though not as simplistic as stated, but it is very true.

I've heard that said so many times. In my exerience I would have to agree with that too.

Yes, I have to agree.

He’s not saying it’s ok. He’s saying that’s how it is.

And I’m saying that I have no sympathy and no empathy for Women. It’s strictly transactional, hurry up big government and make tricking legal, I’m tired of playing games and hiding how men and women really are and how we feel about one another. They hate us, we hate them, I can live with it. Love and relationship and marriage are all BS and a waste

It's not okay but the alternative is you being constantly disrespected. Pick a struggle. De-center your life away from women.

When I tell a woman that I love her, and she neglects to reciprocate telling me she loves me.. I feel invalidated. I feel invalidated because I feel she doesn't love me back, perhaps incorrectly. I tell her I feel this way because I want her to know how I feel and to correct my perception either by changing her behavior or demonstrating that she loves me. She has no obligation to do either of those things, however the reason validation is important is because if I don't feel loved, for whatever reason, it's going to be hard to continue a monogamous relationship with her. Not having my feelings validated means a literal financial and physical threat to my well being. If I don't feel loved, our plans to buy a home together and have kids are at jeopardy. There should be no pressure for any of this. "Handling it on my own" basically denies her the opportunity to strengthen our relationship and denies me the meaningful connections required to build a happy comfortable and healthy marriage with her. "Handling my feelings on my own" means simply ending the relationship, or definately refusing to buy a home together. It's not about punishment. Not feeling loved in that monogamous situation is a literal threat to my financial well being and compels me to take measures that may be of disability to both of us if she DOES love me, which she very well may. Telling her how I feel is a great way to empower myself in making decisions in the future (such as buying a house together or not, or having kids together or not, or moving to another state for school or not etc etc) and also empowers her to make minor changes and corrections to make me feel loved. If she wants the relationship as much as I do, it behooves both us for me to tell her when i don't feel loved, and it benefits her to know I don't feel loved and it benefits benefits both of us in both of these ways, and it also benefits us for her to have the opportunity to perhaps change to build a better union, or perhaps understand what is the issue causing this and take steps accordingly... in most instances its such a simple solution.. telling people how you feel is so graceful and elegant a solution...

i hate to say this but now i know why i kept women in a trauma bond for years as a way to punish them for showing me indifference each time i shared my emotions or positively validated them@@makerKID5

Kids. Help raising those kids and maybe some housework if you manage your woman correctly. Possibly some social standing if your wife is pretty and treats you well in public.

The same could be asked when the roles are reversed. It is to the point of being a cliche, and you can ask virtually any man this, that things we said 20 minutes ago may not be remembered, but saying we didn't like her haircut, or forgetting to do something , or admitting vulnerability will be remembered forever, saved, and then brought up when deemed appropriate.

Straight? There is a huge difference in emotional and brain in women from men. It’s a fact. Don’t know what you are meaning but whatever works for you.

I find this a rather broad statement. Maybe my situation was not common but I had a social network to go to when I got divorced

@@dank2820 I"m in my mid-60s and went through my divorce in the latter 90s. In that time frame and back most men didn't have that much of a social support system. So from a historical perspective I have to agree with @jimcol4986. I think it's better for yournger men now.