"Cause what's worse than getting shot once is getting shot twice." --Dale, Self Defense Dude

The main question in all of this is. Why does he have a Bluetooth headset on the entire time he is doing the "self defense" video?

I had a self defense teacher who would always say “no matter what, always remember that your most useful and important move is this -“ and then he would run away

When jack was talking about how the ‘hands were never meant to hold anything’ I was expecting him to full on drop the mic like, “oh no! Guess my hands don’t work” 😂

The fact that Charlie and Sean both *INSTANTLY* called the keychain a buttplug is hilarious to me

Dale: “you don’t want to hurt them” Dale 10 seconds later: “and smash their skull into the wall”

The moral theme of this series is: “Laughter really is the best medicine.”

Jack: “I really hope a child doesn’t know what a gun is.” Nerf: “Too late!”

Jack: "I really hope a child doesn't know what a gun is" Me as a 5-year-old: *doing intruder drills every 4 weeks so we know where to hide*

Dale: The Hand is NOT made to hold things very well Sean: And i took that personally.

Sean making us listen to his heart beat was a lot more intimate than expected

You know, a cop instructed us on how to easily survive dangerous encounters with people armed with a knife. In the video he introduced his friend who will be trying to hurt him. They then both stood not too far apart and the guy with the knife started running at him. The dude books it in the opposite direction making as much noise as possible

I laughed SO HARD when Sean said “I hope a child doesn’t know what a gun is!” As an elementary school teacher in America, they do…. They do 😂😅

Jack using a microphone like that makes him look like he’s about to drop the hottest mix tape and I’m hyped for it

the one where dale is trying to escape the other guys hold, that one is actually jiu jitsu and it works, he did it wrong tho

JSE: "Kids don't know what guns are" Me, remembering being in first grade practicing an active shooter drill: "yeah, they have no clue what they are"

I love how all of these are actual proper self-defence techniques, they’re just terribly explained

Jack: "Kids shouldn't know what a gun is." USA public education system:...

I’ve never seen these self defense videos before, but this just looks like re-enactments of the fantasies you have in the shower of how you would handle these situations

The thing that made me the most confused was Dale casually grabbing a gun after getting shot. *_You can't recover that easily from a bullet to the chest._* It's like getting kicked in the balls: You're going to be down and out of it immediately and for a while.

Sean: "Kids shouldn't know what guns are" Kids: "It's Nerf or nothing"

"R A M I T I N H I M, D A L E ! !" Makes me belt out loud, every time.

One day he will drop the microphone by laughing so hard haha

Hands down the best things for self defense: 1.)Cardio 2.)Situational awareness 3.)Mace or pepper spray 4.)Not trying any of Dale's BS, ESPECIALLY if they have a firearm

Jack: actually I really hope a child doesn’t know what a gun is… American: hold my beer

I can’t express how happy the consistent reaction uploads make me. Maybe I’m easy to please with low effort videos, but just watching Jack react to funny things is always so entertaining

8:53 - How fricking massive is Dale's smartwatch?! That thing would work as a weapon on its own! 😂

Honestly the blues tabby one (I forgot what it’s called) is actually used in some martial arts for attacking pressure points and the one where he just pulls his arm from buff man actually works because he is pulling upwards against the thumbs which are the weakest parts of the attackers grip. He did word these both VERY incorrectly but these two actually had some truth. Edit: Also some of the leverage ones work but there are still much much better ways to go about it.

Jack: *Top Of The Morning Coffee is sponsoring this video* Doc Ock: *"It's self-sustaining now."*

Jack holding the mic and waving his other hand around saying “HAND! … is NOT meant to hold things very well” is giving me like church preacher vibes lmao

"god: ayo thx for making these tutorials man im getting a lot more up here ever since you started making em"

I feel like we don't see Sean get angry very often, but when it happens it's glorious.

Jack talking about "No, back off, my child" gave me the same energy of "Swiper no swiping" and I don't know how to feel about that.

Why is nobody getting "awe" by the fact that Jack literally created a TV show, like a proper host with mic, clips, intro and the best commentary. As far as I remember in his first "LAUGH" video he actually said that he remembered such shows and wanted to create something like it. He DID IT! OUR BOY MADE IT!

6:44 The tapping his leg is to let the person showing the action know that 'that's enough', in karate it's used when you are training so you stop when the person does it. If they aren't able to react and say it. Kinda like a safe word.

Jack: If the guy's got a gun I'm not going to just grab the barrel!! Dale: By putting your hand over the barrel you can prevent the gun from firing.

If someone is trying to rob you, just say no. They can’t legally rob you without your consent.

Dale: "You don't wanna hurt them." Also Dale: "Smash their fucking skull"

10:47 That actually works and we are taught that at the academy. When we do live action scenarios where we are geared up in protection gear and go all out, those grab techniques work ahha

Anyone else notice how the child abduction one the first letter of all words in the title spells C.A.P and I found that really funny 😂😂

I like how Dale or whatever his name is said “you don’t want to hurt them” but shortly after he stuck his fingers in the other guys eyes and falcon punched him in the throat and stomped his knees in.

Jack: puts microphone on his chest so we can hear his heart beat. Me: Well, I didn't know we were going to get this intimate today.

*The hand is not meant to hold anything very well.* -Dale, Self-Defense Dude

12:58 The point where Dale actually gripped on the pistol won't allow the trigger to go off since the barrel is gripped on, this tip is risky but it's not completely useless and obviously the whole point of the tip is to not let the gun fire while you're trying to get the weapon out of the criminals hand. The pistol can't fire if the barrel is blocked and once you're gripped onto the barrel you have easy control of the guns point direction

Jack: *I hope a child doesn’t know what a gun is.* Every 9 year old playing GTA Online: *Am I a joke to you?*

Jack: I hope a child doesn't know what a gun is Schools: *laughs in active shooter drills*

Child Abduction Prevention The first letters spell "CAP"🤣🤣🤣

That one thing was just to see if you're really being followed by a car. I love that he gave actual advice and said "pull into the nearest police station" instead of "jump out of the car and push his thumb because the hand isn't made to hold things well"

Thanks for using my LAUGH remix! There's a full version of it on my channel if anyone is interested :)

to be fair, the "trick" of self defense, from 10:23 - 10:51, is literally what we were taught in karate to do (and taught little kids to do). it's not that the hand isn't meant for holding things, it's that the thumb is the weakest part of the hand/grip, so you utilize that weak point to break the grasp. if you pull against the fingers, you will NOT get loose. but if you pull back suddenly, especially with two hands clasped together, against the thumb, you can break the grip on you and you can flee. i've had male 5th degree black belts grab my wrist(s) with their whole strength, and I (a girl and a blue belt) was able to break free from their grasp by pulling against the thumb. we would surprise the kids we were teaching (literally 5 year olds) by grabbing their wrist and trying to drag them with us, and they had to get free. and obviously I wasn't gripping hard enough to hurt them, but I made sure that it was a challenge to break free. and 95% of the kids were able to break free in mere seconds. the other 5% just needed reminding to pull against the thumb, not the fingers, and then they got it in seconds too. so yeah, most of the jokes about how the hand isn't meant to hold things is sorta true sorta false. it's just better phrased as "the thumb is the weakest point of the hand, so utilize that to break free" just my long rant about self defense lol

The blue keychain is called a Kubaton. It's essentially a last case scenario for self defense, but it actually is a self defense tool.

Absolute banger of a laugh intro expecting a new single coming soon😂 ( 1:20 )

Sean: "I hope a child doesn't know what a gun is." Me: *laughs in American*

Charlie's video with Dale is worth a watch. He actually went deeper into the techniques and when to actually use these. He also conceded that these aren't 100% effective, but could improve your chances in certain situations.

17:35"Oh no i got shot, anyway"

"I attack and defend my village" Vote jacksepticeye for mayor 😂

The technique at 10:45 is actually taught in martial arts. He just taught it terribly. The thumb is the easiest to move, which is why this works so well.

The "death buttplug" is the weapon that killed me making me laugh to death

I just noticed dales patches on his outfit are just crappy paper cutouts glued to some jacket

Dale: The hand is not meant to hold things well Me: THEN WHY THE FRICK DO WE HAVE HANDS

Dale: Explains how not to die… Jack: “RAM IT IN HIM DALE!!!”

Those keychains are actually quite useful. One of the teachers at my brothers old karate school gave me one and showed me a few different ways to use it (I spent far too much time on being homeless as a teen because of a not very nice household). I honestly thought it was pretty silly at the time. Then a couple of months later I got jumped. It's amazing how much pain that silly little keychain can inflict with minimal effort and how much pain it definitely saved me. It's been 30 years and I still carry it with me. So yeah. If you live in a sketchy area I highly recommend getting one and learning how to use it.

“Here’s a woman here” killed me for some reason 😂😂

Dale: the one thing worse than geting shot is geting shot twice. Me: the one thing you do when you get shot is, CALL A F****** AMBULANCE.

After watching Charlie and his crew meet with Dale, I'd be more inclined to believe that these might work. I think Dale's downfall is that he doesn't explain these are last ditch efforts if you know you're gonna die

6:11 You gotta love how Dale advises you to use literally every part of that keychain except the pointy bit that at least looks viable as a self defense weapon against an attacker.

you know what's better advice than this? "ah, call an ambulance! call an ambulance! *but not for me-"*

This intro to the video (the song) needs to be in every funniest home videos

Jack sees someone shoot another: “You just murdered him!” Also Jack: “STAB HIM! I WANT TO SEE YOU STAB HIM!!” 🤣😂🤣

"The only thing worse than getting shot, is getting shot again." How did he say this with a straight face?🤣

“NOT MY THUMB! NO!! OWWW🥺🥺” I am laughing so hard at his demonstration I am dead 💀

Man: **tries to steal child** Woman: Back off! Me: SWIPER NO SWIPING!

On another note, I really like this new setup where Jack is standing and has a mic. It brings something really new and fresh to reactions and obviously plays off of stand up comedy.

Actually, the one about driving three rights and three lefts it actually works. I've had to do it twice, once in the states and once overseas. If someone is following you NEVER go home. They'll know where you live and if you're a target for whatever they have planned then it makes you a sitting duck. Always drive to a police station or in my case I drove straight to the military base I lived on and told the gate guards. Both followers fucked off and turned around. It does seem silly I'll agree to that, but it can really help ward off horrible people. And calling 911 on the way is useful because they can either have a cop meet you or have someone waiting for you to arrive, plus since they record its good evidence in case something DOES happen before you can get to safety. Stay safe everyone!!

In his defense of "the hand isn't designed to hold stuff well", the hand would look like a crab's claw or an alligator's mouth if it was designed to "hold stuff very well". That's why stuff can be taken and slipped and twisted from your grip all the time.

15:01 but Dale.... I learned that when I used to do karate that pushing up or down WILL work. It works when you do it at the elbows..

Dale: The hand is not meant to hold things very well Evolution: Damn I must’ve forgot to save my progress

“The hand is not ment to hold anything very well” is my favourite quote of the week :D

If Dale was an actual DLC Smash character, I'd absolutely buy that lol

Every other KZfaqr: TRY NOT TO LAUGH CHALLENGE Jack: Try to laugh. I want you to.

The "being followed" advice is actually pretty solid. The 3 left turns are a bit unnecessary but calling the cops is the best option if you suspect you're being followed. Heading towards the nearest police station just gets help to you sooner

10:00 Technically the hand really isn't meant to hold things very well, it is meant to grab things and manipulate larger objects, but when it comes holding something tight, all the fingers apply their vectors on different directions and disrupt each other, making the final vector much weaker, specially if we're talking about round objects

Child abduction clip was like "Swiper no swiping!"

I like how Jack is so innocent not knowing how hot the barrel of a gun gets. Jack, if you see this, don't think about it

I took actual self defense courses a few years back and the women who gave the course actually taught us how to break bones if we had to. Like I know how to break someone's nose if need be. At the end of the course we had to break a wooden plank with just our bear hand. Needless to say I did. After watching these videos all I can think of is "Damn, this man can't teach shit. All I could defend myself against is a pillow or a toddler!"

I hope to be like Sean someday. Walking around his office talking to himself holding a mic and pretending he's on stage

In Biometrical Advantage he says “But you don’t want to hurt the attacker” And then 3 minutes later he’s shoving someone’s eyes out. 🤣🤣🦆

Just imagine getting mugged and smashing the attacker in the face with every blunt object in your pocket

Is jack becoming a stand up comedian? Just the way he's holding that mic.

The “mine” bit with the child abduction video made him sound like a pigeon and I laughed too hard

Instructions unclear I have a knife, bullet, and my pointy dilldo in my chest

Step 1: hands up Step 2: throw wallet Step 3: run like hell the other way

3:15 Dale : "As soon as he saw my hand move, he is going to shoot" Also Dale : "So want you want to do is move your hand to the barrel-"

I like how jack makes everyone feel special in the intro, we love you Sean, and hope you had a happy birthday!

I'm looking forward to the home invasion video were he will probably say "remember they broke into ur house because ur eyes weren't made to see very well"

I love how all of these techniques absolutely suck, but people think they actually are clever and insist they work

My only problem with Dale, cuz he seems like a nice enough guy, is that he makes these videos without really disclosing like in Charlie’s video that these techniques will never work 100% of the time, and they are very situation-specific, and also your average non-combat trained person would probably be more likely to get themselves shot trying this than help themselves in any way 😅 bottom line, if someone comes up to you with a gun demanding your phone and wallet, just give it to them, cancel your credit cards order new ones get a new phone instead of getting shot😅

i love that he used the hand-held microphone. He could walk anywhere in the room without worying that we wont hear him.

If the hand can't hold anything well then why does only his hand go against that logic?😂

You know what, I did actually learn something today. If you ever want to rob an easy target, go after this guy specifically.