My narc ex said: If you leave me you and your kids will starve on the streets. Well, he was wrong. My sons and I built a great family life and I started a new career path in teaching. He was so wrong. 😁

Repeat after me.. what someone thinks off me is not my business!

Having emotional maturity & self control is your superpower. It's the very essence of what they lack.

Survival Thinking Style: 1. I know we can handle this 2. I trust myself *superpower* 3. At some level, there are adjustments I can make to dealing with problems if we can dedicate ourselves to solutions and changes 4. I am resilient and can bounce back 5. I’m not perfect but I’m adequate 6. I’m able to manage my life quite nicely and if you don’t believe in me, I’m not going to melt How can we know we can trust ourselves when facing (distrustful/condescending/contemptuous/superior/dismissive/angry/dramatic/chaotic) narcissistic expressions about us? Core tenants to build your life upon: 1. You have inherent worth and dignity 2. You have basic competence 3. When you fail, you are capable of learning and moving forward from it 4. Contempt and disdain says more about the broken person expressing it 5. I’ll do as I choose knowing that I don’t require the narcissist’s blessing 5. I know the value of boundaries and consequences and the bully doesn’t have to have ultimate say over me 6. Truth has a way of rising to the surface and I won’t buckle to smear campaigns because being me isn’t risky 7. My decency and goodness I represent is soothing and speaks for itself, is honest, can be inspiring, and I don’t need to be someone else at the condescension of the narcissist Steadiness, goodness, and peace! Thank you Dr Carter ❤

Trusting yourself is a deterrent to gaslighting.

Indifference. Do not react and give them the fuel to play on. When there is no audience, they will take their show elsewhere to perform for others. Stay empowered and safe, dear survivors!

It amazes me just how real this personality disorder really is.

"I cannot change others, and so I change myself."

The wind changes when a narcissist comes. You can never change the direction of the wind, but you can adjust your sails. But if you are sick of changing sails all the time, find your peace in more tranquil waters.

Dignity and self worth are the primary targets for destruction in the narcissist pathway. For to stand up for truth and honesty marks you for annihilation

Watched this on the edge of my seat through to the end! When doc finished with the question. Do you trust yourself? I bawled my eyes out with relief, joy, validation. Thank you doc you're a good man. You're keeping us out of the lions den.✌❤

It has nothing to do with me, their actions are a reflection of who they are. A narcissist is a toxic person, so run as far as you can from them and free yourself.

If the poor narcissist is so unhappy with you & finds you such a bad person to be with then maybe you should leave in order to help them make their life better. "Yes I quite agree with you dear. You will be so much happier without me."

Staying calm and focusing on self.

“I’m good at being me.” Duuude you just blew my mind

Trust the one who's earned it. Yourself.

You can't even imagine how much you have changed my life. I had a child with a narcissist 24 years ago. I felt useless, unattractive, and other emotions that I cannot even describe. Its like if I needed his approval to just live. I didnt know why I stayed with him even though he never said sorry for the many many things he did. A HUGE THANK YOU. Now I have the strength to walk away from him. He no longer has a hold on me. Now I have to work on feeling...because I dont find pleasure in anything. I think I am numb but not in a good way. But I know that time heals. Im giving myself time.

You are the most loving person I ever heard speaking, I mean extremely helpful, I am so thankful for your supporting the needy and the poor people like me.....

My cryptonite was..i let him know " I know my value and its much higher than yours "

To me, the hallmark of narcissism is their insistence on setting up a one-down-one -up relationship with you. Making you doubt yourself and your judgment is necessary to put and keep you "one down".

“Im not perfect, but adequate.” Is a great quote of yours. ...especially when you are criticized and you know it’s true. It’s NOT about me, it’s about the narcissist that has the problem.

When I was being destroyed I reached out for help. A therapist ,who saw me briefly and had published work on Narcissism ( a word that I had not even explored) told me to stand up and walk. She told me to stand up tall and in that moment, I knew that she meant show your own " agency". I like that word . I always gain so much from your videos. I wait in anticipation.

Thank you. Narcissists are so lying and deceiving.

I told my narcissist husband I am filing for divorce. Got endless hysterical personal attacks as he paced around the room about how, "Noone will marry you! You will get old and sag and noone will marry you," God bless Dr. C and his videos which I had been watching. I replied, "My future is my own to think about. You do not worry about me" Just like that, I felt all the control slip away from him, I felt whole again, no longer an anxious mess constantly burdened to defend myself. Dr. C, you have given me my narrative, my formerly happy self back. Thank you doesn't begin to cover it.

After 29 years of myself and my now grown children being used and abused by my wife I would always get emotional every time I would try to talk to her. She feed of of it like a leech. Last time I talked to her on the phone I satiated calm and showed no emotion and handled everything with no anger and it brought out every bit of hatred that she had. Every minute that went by she go more and more irate. It was like a bomb went off inside her when she realized she lost the control she carried over me.

To narc: “You are the only person who has ever accused me of being a liar or .... (fill in the blank). You are entitled to your opinion. But I have integrity, so as sad as I am about it, if you can’t see that in me then I guess this is goodbye.”

Trusting your instincts can be especially difficult for codependents as the desire for approval and validation interferes with the simplicity of it all. If you feel you're codependent ask yourself this: if someone else whom you cared about was dealing with the same narcissist you are dealing with would you recommend they trust the narcissists opinion or their own? Exactly. Do the same for yourself. Validating, accepting and approving yourself is the first and last step you ever need to take. That is trust.

Surround my self with nice POSITIVE PEOPLE.

🤗Being me is so free! Enjoying this life while I trust in the God within me!🙏

It boggles my mind why anyone would choose to remain in the presence of a narcissist. I was raised by one and the constant struggle against their narcissism was so great that I couldn't wait to get away from him. We never had a close relationship while I was growing up and we never had a close relationship after I left home at the age of 17. And, what I learned about narcissists through my experience is that no one can have a close relationship with a narcissist. Therefore, they just aren't worth the effort. Just get away from them as soon as possible and move on with your life. It's a whole lot easier than trying to figure out how to protect yourself from them while remaining in their company. They're never going to value you as anything other than a punching bag that makes them feel better. Read that last sentence as many times as it takes for it to sink in - then, run away from the narcissist as fast as you can and never look back.

I have been gaslighted so thoroughly and for so long that I legitimately don’t know whether the narcissist is me or her.

Raised by narcissist mom; today she's a good godly woman. She surrendered to Jesus. I'm a magnet to Narcissist 🥺 I'm married to one now. I left the house when he teamed up with his daughter (my Stepdaughter) to humilate me, but has asked me to apologize to his daughter for my reaction. I seriously feel so drained and I was falling apart until I started listening to your videos. I been watching you videos for 3 days in a row non stop, literally! My husband is pretending his sorry, but I don't believe him anymore. He says I'm sorry, but still wants me to do what he feels is right. He is such a bully! But he acts like the good guy and blames me everything bad that happens. I do need counseling

“I do hope that you have gained some inspiration.....” Dr. Carter, it is more that inspiration, your soothing words each day are the only calming force in my life right now. I take a phrase each day and make my mantra to get thru the day. Today “I trust myself”. Another favorite “I release you” to the narc.

Yup, trusting and believing in myself and a deep faith in God.

If u have known a narcissist for a long time, and u bump into that person, u simply kill him with kindness. They will be nice back, in a fake way. U know their character, so u play the game.

Contempt and disdain. It was so very very hard to live with that - married for 14 years to that. I am a fun, happy, extrovert, assertive, energetic person. I was courted by my mirror - I married my opposite! Finding that out was horrendous. 14 years later - 30 June 2017 - freedom

Your advice has been instrumental in amazing personal growth after years of not "trusting myself". In the midst of conflict, I hear your calm, firm voice coaching me. Thanks Dr Les, your big heart comes through in all you do. Gus is a great example of being calm! Cheers

I had a narc living below me in an apartment complex, and he took a dislike to me, and made my life hell in a bunch of ways. One was that he ended up formally complaining to the board for noise complaints. If I was simply cleaning, he would accuse me of moving furniture, if I was bundling up recyclables, he'd accuse me of making a racket, etc. All exaggerated, no complaint reflecting reality, and all daytime, normal hours, me doing normal everyday things. I kept every text and email, and I responded to his formal complaint by noting every complaint he made and what I was actually doing during that complaint, and what time it was. The board completely sided with me. Despite all of this, part of me always felt awful, and it was very difficult to stay strong, and remind myself that this was totally on him. I think for women, especially, we tend to feel guilt and shame when there is absolutely no grounds for it, b/c we were socialized to be that way. Also, if you have that personality type, the narc senses it and knows you are a good target. I moved out, but if I so much as drop something on the floor I still feel my heart start to beat faster because of him, as if I am making too much noise. Anyway, the "trust yourself" sounds simple, but for so many of us, it really is a tough one. But it is the path through. May we all absorb a few drops of the arrogance these jerks are overflowing with.

Wow! This is so helpful to me trying to end a narcissistic relationship with my disabled husband! My counselor for the last 10 months has been trying to guide me in understanding me to trust myself and that I’m not crazy! Thank you for your time!!!!!

It made my narc sister so angry when I told her I don't trust her. Once they know the spell is broken they will drop you. Once they know you trust yourself and love yourself, you are of no use to them. My narc sister turned into a little four year old victim when I got myself back. Poison growing up with her.

Detach and letting it go.

i wish i'd had a therapist like you instead of the one i had... mine encouraged me to put all of my trust, faith, and energy into my narcissist and gaslit me when i was starting to realize that the relationship was unhealthy. i felt incredibly guilty for feeling that way, so i kept letting him take more and more from me. :( a few months ago i finally told him i can't take this behavior and the way he treats my friends anymore. i talked about it to my counselor and she defended him saying he can change back to his "real" self for like one session but that was it (she works at my college and knows this person)... she was more interested in talking about my sexuality (i'm gay) than helping me. i don't see her anymore. watching videos like this on youtube has helped me more than she ever cared to. thank you for what you do. :)

THIS HAS BEEN THE BEST VIDEO FOR ME TO 'MARCH ON IN MY DIVORCE', HEAD HELD HIGH AND HEART STRENGTHENED. I DO TRUST AND LOVE MYSELF.

Although I still love the character my ex narc played, eventually I would have hated the true person he was and my heart is not meant to hate.

I would say knowing very clearly who you are (boundaries, etc.) and not being afraid to communicate that clearly to everyone. Also: total indifference to their competitive attempts to outdo you 🤔🤷‍♀️🌚

Sometimes if the narc accuses me of being or doing something, I agree. It totally throws him off and he accuses me of trying to manipulate him😂.

GOD BLESS YOU for showing me how to understand my sister of 66 years of playing with my head and all the hurt she did to me ,and i never understood why i was the asshole and she the best of the best the family hero ,replacing me in the family with a friend so she's the baby ,with this understanding i can look at the under tone and think its O.K. and have peace in my heart i still love her ,THANK YOU.

This reminds me of the 1st epistle of John, "I tell you these things not because you don't know them but because you do know them", or something very close to that

It is surreal to discover that my family is INDEED filled with evil. I had lied to myself for 40 years they were good people doing evil things. No, No, No! They are bad bad bad people who occasionally are nice. They are incapable of empathy, honesty, growth, and love. It is hard not to still be filled with hatred. Dr. Les has reminded me that I really should value myself just for fighting the good fight and surviving.

I gave so much of my time and resources to narcassistic individuals in my extended famly. I owe them nothing and my life is so wonderfully fulfilling without them muddying the waters daily . I trust myself. That's my secret weapon!

Thank you for this. My mother was a narcissist and my life was a living hell for so long. I am in therapy and now feel I'm ready to break the chains of that relationship for good and work toward a happy life.

Love This!!! there are many vids about narcissist... I don't care about the "Narcissist" (thats what they want anyway) ... but this is about how to change yourself! How to get away from these lunatics! Great therapist.. always enjoy his vids! Thanks doc - if you read these!

Being aware of their personality disorder tendencies, the ways that the disorder manifests, and thus not absorbing their control tactics, their devaluation, their projections helps me take back personal control and stability. Realizing, as you said, that their behaviors communicate more about who they are than who I am keeps their tactics from grounding my personhood into powder. What I am most concerned about now is learning how to connect with healthier people. A lifetime of withdrawal and keeping so much to myself as a means of psychological survival makes it hard to know how to open up and connect. Dr. Carter, your videos have been extremely helpful. Thank you. I think that I would benefit, and probably others here would as well, from a video about healing from long-term narcissistic abuse and learning how to connect with people when secure attachment has been a rarity.

I trust myself, being me is easy. 😍

I had never thought about how important self trust is! Thinking of it, narcs usually target vulnerable persons and, often, when you're in you're a vulnerable state, your self trust is not at its top. Thanks, Dr.C, for these eye-opening videos.

TY! I’m adding “I trust myself” to my morning mantra along with “I forgive myself”

I was watching another KZfaq show and they recommended you for anyone who needed help with narcissism! I thought that was so cool.🥰

I would like to add that my ultimate super power is God my maker, Jesus my savior and being filled with the Holy Spirit...the scriptures have also been carrying me through. Without them I do not think I would still be alive. Please do not stop posting on narcissism...Thank you...you are helping me and many others to navigate the rough waters.

He has kept me so Busy taking care of him, I barely have time for myself

This is so true. Because when I started becoming aware, in the last couple years of my 36 year marriage. I began to hear when he was lying. I could hear the real truth in the lie. Liars always tell on themselves. And I know it’s because I began trusting myself.

I trust myself but more importantly I trust God to lead me through the mess that is the narcissist. The more I trust God, the more I trust myself. We know who wins in the end of this battle. 💎🕊💙🔱🔥 God bless you Dr. Carter! I know He sent you into my life as a blessing and an inspiration. 💫 Have a wonderful day

I used to live in fear everyday due to my husband being narcissistic. Thank you thank you THANK YOU for your kind words of direction.

The "being me..." should be a children's book, it's a great lesson.

To "Know Thyself" is the way to living freely, it allows you to break free from how others try to view and condemn you from their own perspectives. In other words, other people's opinions don't mean jack 💩 when you truly know who you are as a person.

I've just discovered my 27 yr old is a true narcissist. I'm tired of arguing with him and feeling less than. This one saying... Trust yourself truly helps. Thank you for your video. Ill keep looking at the rest and hopefully be able to feel more than less than. My bipolar makes it difficult but I need a new way to deal with him. Blessings and light to you.

My super power has been prayer 🛐, and fasting. All things are possible with God. Even if the narc is not relaxing their attacks, the Lord is my defense, and place of my refuge. There will be a day of reckoning coming, and I pray everyday for the souls of these people who willingly choose to live their lives outside of Gods authority. For their life lived apart from the name of Jesus Christ and His gospel, is going to end in an horrific eternity. May God bless them with His salvation...

"Being me . . ." is very powerful language . . .

If you are being repeatedly targetted, there is often a real reason behind it. Jealousy.

They also try to make you doubt yourself and that's what my narcissist did when I was with him gaslighting me make me doubt myself that was a really good one

Following our break-up, as we were trying to figure out a parenting plan, the advice I heard over and over was that you need a support group. Three years later, I can hardly say I have a support group (sadly), but I do have self-trust. It really is a super power.

There's Gus, popping his head up. He must be the sweetest angel to be around. Thanks, for everything.

I'm dealing with a friend who I suspect is a narcissist, and I found this really helpful.

Co-parenting with a narc is a disaster for me and mental and emotional harm to a child because there is Not such a thing as co-parenting with narc... Looking forward to this live video with a hope to learn valuable lesson.

I think alot of victims need therapy for a while and learn in belief in one's self. I know that my confidence was thrown out the window a few years ago. It's up there with trauma and PTSD. Clearly we got to stay away from narcissists if we aren't strong enough. It's emotional abuse. Stay away from the pricks

This is possibly the best advice I've ever herd. I'm really tired of not being true to myself to try and please the narcissist in my life. From this point forward, I'm going to be who I truly am. Thank-you.

So glad there's someone like you in the world as well as those pesky narcissists. They make you crazy. You make us feel sane!

The very clever narcissist will take the time to make you think he believes in your superpower and he wants YOU to believe in your superpower- that is, until you USE it. That’s how he sets you up in his little T-ball stand to knock you down with “what do you think you’re doing trying to stand up for yourself?!” And because he lacks true integrity, he would never attempt to stand for a direct pitch. That’s just too much work. He’d rather take the easy way out and simply convince you and others that he believes in you and in your super powers. Deception is his superpower. And sometimes he even uses it on himself.

The main thing that bothers me is when I'm driving he starts the worst when I do finally get into a store it is insane I'm so upset I can't even shop or remember what I'm getting or clothes shop I'm so upset I don't feel like getting for myself 😔 when I'm allowed to get out I have severe panic and anxiety attacks thank you for just listening

these lectures explain everything about my sister that i have tried to help but never succeeded in.

My father used to say, 'you are your best friend'. Trust yourself. All the answers are inside you. Trust your gut feelings, your intuition, because they are the right answers for you. Thanks Dr. C. Say hi to Gus.

You have been a coach for me for years. Thank you so much, Dr C

They can spot empaths a mile off who are usually caring, giving and have a conscience. It's like they feed off that "weakness". Alone time is vital to figure out if you're being manipulated by a narcissist.

I love this. “Trust yourself”. It’s like what Jesus Christ said to the lame man at the pools, “Pick up thy bed and walk”. I’ve said that to myself a few times to get me through the bad bits! Wonderful video! Thank you, Dr C! x

Man, I had a narcissist sneak into my life these last 4 months. I made a few mistakes early on but I did keep my eyes open. After he did 3 bad things in a row I stopped replying to his calls and texts and he went C R A Z Y!!! God what a pain in the ass they truly are!

My father has been telling me I’m too prideful, and he’s been a tyrannical narcissist in my life the entire time. This video helped me realize I am capable without his approval

Selftrust was the beginning, off self-destruction with the narc. Hard road to climb back to reality.

I had an argument yesterday with my Narcissist Ex that ended badly. When I said I wasn't going back to him he replied "I'm going to see someone else then". I said "Of Course you are". We both know you've been cheating on me". I walked away looking at him. But then something snapped and I couldn't control it. I went over to him and attacked him. All the time he was calling me 'Pathetic and crap in bed'. I eventually managed to walk away. I was shaking, and tears rolling down my face. How inhumane to throw another woman in my face. It nearly killed me. I wish I hadn't been like that, but I also think anyone in my situation emotionally abused would have done the same thing maybe. So for that I forgive myself. Today is a new beautiful sunny day and I intend to self care and live as good a life as I can, forgiving myself over and over whenever intrusive thoughts about the incident come into my head. 🍒

Thank you so much your video's have helped me so much in my recovery.❤️15 mouths no contact. I did see him a couple times and he was doing the same thing to the new woman that he did to me.And if I hadn't found these channels and it was a god thing that I did, I would probability been dead or in the nut house.Thanks again.

My best ways to deal with narc parents are saying "No", distancing (seeing them very rarely), not showing emotion or enabling, never arguing (they want that), staying superficial (no deep talk about anything) because they can't handle deep talk, believing in myself/ignoring their putdowns and digs. I stay as far away as possible because they are exhausting and hurtful to be around. I notice whenever I talk to them, I feel off balance so why put myself in that position..why I have let go. They shun until the target backs away, then they pursue. I get a call or visit once in awhile. When they do, I trust my own judgment in dealing with them. I know what they are capable of doing and don't take their garbage personally because they want to be nasty. I have strong boundaries and if they cross them, I end contact. Sometimes completely for long periods of time. My parents know this so they pretend to be friendly when they come looking for supply. I'm pleasant but don't engage. No calling or visiting. I have no need anymore. I have a good life now and will protect it.

Appreciate this man. Dr. Carter, thanks you for your, well to me, Minstry. After being psychologically abused by my mother, and then suffering the same at the hands of my now, ex-husband, due to trauma-bonding.......your wealth of education in narcissism, and empowering words are monumental in my road to healing. At the same time as my divorce last year, God blessed my daughter and I with our first home. I believe there is hope, I believe I can forgive myself, I believe I can be FREE. Thank you for what you do 🙏🏾

I live in constant anxiety. Life is so hard

I am the center of the universe. Everything must revolve around me.

Would love someone to dedicate a narc video to when the narcs are your parents. One or both. Not as easy to walk away. You can clearly walk away and cut ties with narc "friends" or partners. But when you were raised by them, have horrific health issues and are disabled, not so easy. The narcs don't even know I'm disabled. That would ruin their image so it and any medical issues are totally ignored. As a child, I was convinced they were going to leave in the middle of the night. As an almost 50 year old adult, I see why. But nothing makes any of this easier. Pain on top of pain on top of pain.

I guess the statement is "whatever". As for behavior (something the behavior speaks more than words) I think it is ignoring the narc. When attention is denied, the fake persona starves and the narc is not in a good place.

Just agree with them and don't get sucked in to the chaos. Remember they are sick and needy.

I needed this today after being abused by 2 narcs....

Its awful to be tied to a narc for life. I have 3 children with him and feel stuck. Left twice and went to my mom's knowing it wouldnt go well. Now, Im back in his home and his mask fell off in 3 weeks. Sick of bouncing back and forth between an abusive narc and an emotionally distant mom and sick of letting him break me down so that I am unable to focus on what I need to do to finally stand on my own. I try to follow all the advice from Dr. Les and other experts on narcissism but its so hard when you are a peaceful, loving person that WANTS to be that person all the time. I feel like I have to shut down my emotions or hold onto the anger to get through it sometimes and then I realize my kids are the only ones that notice mommy isnt OK. They're not getting the best of me, the happy mom they need and deserve and meanwhile, he's whistling dixie from the minute he gets home. This video is exactly what I needed because i will be fine all day and then about an hour before he's getting off work the anxiety kicks in and last night as soon as he got here my PTSD hit me so bad I was locked in the bathroom shaking and crying and kept thinking "I cant do this." Now, I am going to try telling myself I CAN handle him and whether he is nice, or mean, or acting like I dont exist... I will try my best to keep doing me and moving forward. REPOSTED THIS COMMENT. Sorry if you see it twice but I wanted to share with some other viewers struggling with co-parenting. Someone asked if Dr. Les could do a video about this. DR. LES, if you do can you please include those of us that are co-parenting while still living with the narc? Most of the advice I come across is for co-parenting after you leave.

Thank you Dr Carter, thanks to help and guidance im gradually getting back to me, i am able to focus on positive things and not feeling so guilty about not serving his every need. Im am at peace. It took about 15 months, but that was easy compared to the over 15 years of being controlled. I just concentrate on the life i want and the people who arent in my side are OUT...ive been thru far too much by the age of five to give up or not take the path i want for myself...im not the kind of person who wants to live a single life...but also i dont want to be subservient to someone who thinks they are better than me...its a 50/50...not a 90/10. One of these days i will find someone who is on the same level with me. I dont think i made it this far to not be happy. Good things to come!!

This man.. Dr. Carter.. has I think literally saved .. my life. SAVED MY LIFE. And even, GIVEN me a BETTER ONE.

Thank you doctor for all your encouraging wordsI feel better knowing that I am not alone in this narcissistic relationship it is so hard to get out