I couldn’t have said it better myself.

Anyone who clouds your perception of yourself is a demonic piece of shit and not your friend. Never question they are out for themselves at your expense. It gives one an amazing sense of clarity!!! Yay!!

I agree & relate

Yes, we have no idea what a good man is. All we know are the bad. Help!!!!

Totally agree! Well said and I can’t thank Dr. Carter enough…I am not able to physically detach from my narcissistic ex purely for financial reasons…I only need be around him two days a week (when we’re both off work)…I never understood that I could have psychological power while still being in contact…I do needed to hear this advice..very wise words..

Stay strong. You deserve to only associate with people who are kind to you.

Turning on my phone is my biggest anxiety every morning

Yes lol and it keep living life with a smile on your face 😜

Truth, keep pushing soldier 💙

Yes. That's exactly what I'm reminding myself too. I owe him nothing!!!!!

Thanks 😊

La gracia también la tiene usted por hacer el resumen 🙂

❤

The Art Z Scientist this is absolutely powerful and made me really think that I need to snap out of it! Bc I keep thinking over and over that he said he loved me...reality is....if you REALLY love someone, you don’t just throw them away like a peace of trash bc someone says something in a way you don’t like smh

Some fake love you for money

Oh my God this is true

@@jennygabat4094 No, SO true!!!!

How true ! These videos give me the proper words and actions to stop or shut up the narcissist !

Jim Kurn me to jim

Amen! May God continue to richly Bless You as you seek liberty and peace !

Me too

That's what I did ! I found my self watching videos of dr. Phil. When I suspected that he is a narcissist

I do this now for support and encouragement ! Good idea

Me too....its like a light went on in my head. The narcaccist loves to make you feel like you are damaged and wrong, and tries to make it seem that "everyone" feels and thinks the same.

I don't think you are supposed to say it. Unless you are looking to hurt them.

A spoon full of sugar makes the medicine go down in pain management vs. Adding salt to the womb. Opinions are not Truths but lessons in wisdom. Wisdom has it cure. Time. ...Greater Loving Wisdom has no time. Let it Be....Let it Be... Mother Mary came to me speaking words of Wisdom...Let it be.

Last year I had a situation when a narc wanted desperately for me to share what was going on with me by trying to force me to as if sharing was my duty to him as if I owed that person that (when he did nothing in his life to deserve me sharing feelings, because when I did, they were used against me by Poor treatment and labeling me as weak and even crazy). After listening to his non sense drama to make me feel even guilty for not sharing I just simply said: I have nothing to share with you and I can tell by your face that does not satisfy you, But that is not my problem, is yours. He left in silence and did not bother me again (I distanced myself well after that) Narc disarmed!

I LOVE YOUR REPLY!

I'm so sorry this happened to you but so happy you found the strength to walk away, I admire you x

This is one of the hardest truths to accept. I'm currently married to one. I've been hoping praying....sowing seeds of love. But its time for me to wake up and realize that it's dead ground. Nothing is going to grow outta that no matter how much I sow. And I don't want to wast another minute of another day in my life doing that. I did that with my sister, and looking back I'm still kicking myself with regret. Not this time...like the song goes, won't get fooled again.

I've tried so many things for 12 years but sadly nothing works and nothing will. Now in the process of separating as he plans to leave after I went stone-cold and no affection any longer.

Thank you for sharing this. They are incapable of change. They are a broken record from the depths of hell. Cheers and enjoy being narcissistic/parasitic free

He was projecting when he said those words in the manner he chose because the children are a reminder of what he lost.

You did great 👍

I wish that could have happened for my children. Instead, they have left him - and are happier for it.

Be you! Dr. C

That's my goal!!!

Seriously I regretted so many things but never leaving a Narc behind. Yes it doesn't solve everything but it solves like 95% lol a pretty neat deal after years of give 40 and take 1 relationships 😂

"I'm already gone!"

@@SurvivingNarcissism We should always be ourselves-no one else is qualified to do the job!

Oh my goodness this is so true! It's perfect.

Yesss! So true! These kinds of people are sappers and have no generosity of spirit, hell, they can't even be happy for themselves! Well said!

So very true

Thank you Jennifer for helping those you're helping. I've gotten help from a few counselors. It's so wonderful being able to talk to someone who understands.

That works? 3 words! I don’t believe

ooooh nice.

Beautiful

I know what it feels like when they steal pieces of you and you start to feel like a shell of a person and numb... wasting all your love and energy on someone who never gives back the same true love

❤️❤️❤️ 🙏

Beautiful x

Dear J Alexandria, you are so right about that. I have had 3 wonderful ladies in my life for over thirty years and I was in love with them as well as loving them, anything I did to make them happy made me happy as well. He could be jealous he never made you laugh like that. I hope you are a happy woman. Take care and God bless.

You are not alone. My narc father said my laugh hurt his ears, and now my narc brother has picked up the theme - our last interaction 6 months ago, his big insult was that I have a stupid laugh. I was thinking 'is that all you've got?'

@@betsyhood1206 Dear Betsy Hood, so sorry to hear you have two sicko's in the family, like one was not enough.

Same, he was in his bad mood and me laughing was a sound of an old hag, my voice was ugly made him cringe... lool, me having a nice fun time also annoyed him lool.

I would love any laughter these days. Good for you. It is music to the ears.

Thanks for this good input, Marketa. Dr. C

@@SurvivingNarcissism Dr C, thank you for all your videos! I refer your videos to everyone I know. I enjoyed this video and I've begun releasing from the troubled souls in this journey. I think it's important to "Release" but I also choose to release any bitterness. I pray that they can find peace as well on their journey.

How are you, dear? I relate.

Yes! I can relate. I am doing it for my health and sanity

Realize she does not have the emotional health to give you the proper love and approval you deserve. Release her of meeting your needs, as she doesn't know how. What works is to love her "in spite of herself". Have pity upon her. She is the pitiful one -- not you!

@@j.c.hunter8960 thank you for these words. I'm crying as I read them. My own mother passed away over 2 years ago and I'm still struggling with the memories of abuse.

Very good point!

wifferste ABSOLUTELY true!!! Other narcissists showed their colors as soon as I left my narc. They contacted me DEMANDING that I explained my action, as though I owed it to them! I blocked them all.

Thanks, I needed to read your words. I appreciate this. Wulfy

Flying monkeys can be hard to release... I'm not using the term in jest, it describes those who do the narcissist bidding. Think about it and it might make sense.

@@smithenterprise quote "narcissist bidding" hmm, maybe just say that to the flying monkeys. something like "hmmm, narcissist bidding, I have heard of that before, by by"

I don't know how you're doing now, but I sure hope things are better for you, & that you've been able to release yourself from the negative crap you've been living under. Never give up, & always remember God loves you, & is there for you!

I pray🙏🏽that you’re doing better now. Your post was long but necessary and helpful. It helped me after 34 years and facing divorce to know that I’m not alone in staying too long in a narcissistic relationship. I knew he was different,thought it was just a matter of opposites attracting. Just found out about narcissism a few years ago.

@@dyoung2739 blessings on your journey dear one I left mine 10 years ago best thing I ever did. It’s a long process but so worth the work Now I’m just getting rid of the last Narc friend from high school 40 years ago I’ve come so far and so happy Hugs 🥰

@@bodymindsoul60 Thanks❤️!

Please know that it's not your fault. You are a loving person. He is not. You are a God person. He is not. The good thing is: Healing for you is there in every moment. I come from a narc. family and had a narc. boyfriend. It almost killed me. I felt the life energy leaving me. But as mentioned... healing is there in every moment. Believe in it. Let go of all the sickness and feel the healing.

@ Peta Brown I think we need to mourn our losses and let them go. I've missed many a year of accomplishments and left a really good job for someone like this. Does lost time make me sad? Yes. But we cannot look backward because we will miss what's right in front of us-a healthy future. We got this!

It is a loss you have to grieve. It’s only been a year for me. So even though I am healing, some nights I just sit here and let the tears flow. No noise, no wailing, I just let them flow. So much loss.

I feel exactly the same Peta - so much sadness over practically an entire lifetime lost & crippled by a covert narcissist mother. So bad that I had to go no contact at age 40 & am 68 now & still trying to heal. Can't afford therapy but at least have great videos from Dr. C, others, & a loving Father in God to help me heal.

@@pegihaider813 Stay strong...

You're welcome! So pleased to be with you on the journey! Dr. C

It’s a Buddhist axiom.

I agree. I stumbled on this totally randomly. Sent when needed most. Thank you

Same here!

Same. Thank you so much.

As soon as I read your post it hit me like a ton of lead lol !! It’s been over 2 months now my girlfriend (if I can even use that term, she’s hidden our relationship the whole time she’s been with me, yr &a half now) and I my last text message to her I said something similar and she immediately replied what do you mean by that !! Funny how something that we know is so simple to comprehend gets their kind of response that’s full of confusion and bewilderment lol !! Yet she thinks she’s smarter then me and is part of her gaslighting bullshit but hasn’t the brain capacity to understand such a simple statement from us !! Thanks for your comment, I’ll be sure to use this one if I bother to respond to her texts I’m getting after 2 months pretending she’s concerned about me and asks hope all is well, but doesn’t realize if she didn’t cheat on me and blatantly rub it in my face, I wouldn’t be in this situation in the first place !! Shows the disconnect and immaturity level she’s really at to now keep texting me all of a sudden she cares about me but what’s funny is any one who really does care about there partner calls that person and or makes the effort to come and see me to show what a normal human shows there partner they’ve been with for over a yr & a half lol !! Good one Bill, thanks

Yep - Narciopaths whole existence revolves around extracting attention & preoccupation one way or another - neutrality baffles them and leaves them without bullets to fire - really we need to totally ostracise these little demons altogether in one big concerted effort - find them a remote desert island where they can't harm anybody but each other and stick them all there.

@@user-el3lm4hf2t Is that a thing Narcissists do? Hide relationships? God, I wasn't the only one

Thanx great tool.

I have found the same type of responses to my partner is also the most advantageous. Go us! Makes my life a lot easier to limit ‘narcissistic injury’ to the poor, delusional soul.

Definitely. At some point you have to unhook.. Best wishes as you move forward. Dr. C

There is. Just like there is a difference between vanity and self-pride.

I have a new mantra! Thanks, doc!

There are so many points which the n. throws back at you that they are actually doing....

@@rebeccaperson8581 They're projecting their dark side on you and you can see it as an opportunity to know what they're guilty of. It hurts though because it feels like a false accusation on you and they don't even know how wrong they are. 😵 Really feels like my sanity is...

I don't see it.

Deffo xxx

I have had the same experience but with the great help from Dr Carter I have reached the same conclusion as you. Stay on your guard X

It seems to be one of the narcissists biggest goals: sowing seeds of self-doubt into our system. Even after disconnecting I kept defending myself internally by saying to myself 'there is nothing wrong with you, you are healthy and you did not do anything wrong and you are a whole person'. They really attack our positive thoughts and confidance and try to make us feel like a bad or disturbing person while they are the ones triggered bc we confront them with their own bad state of mind compared to a human being with and social emotions.

Knowledge is a beautiful thing, especially when you’ve been in the dark for decades (referring to myself).

@@tedschmitt178 Yep, same.

This video is a lifesaver, thank you so much! Peace

Are you a bear?!

@@barbaraevening3854 lol

Amen!!! No contact and even need to parent but every time they are around it’s a game. Mine will not go away and hanging onto my parents and playing games with everyone. He has a girlfriend and I was happy about that but he is still stalking me on line and stuff!!! When do they go away? My parents are caught up in it and we are tip toeing around his bs right now! They don’t want him around anymore after showing them proof of his lies! I collected for years to sink his butt! They are good liars and stealthy!

I am in covid lockdown. I feel as if I am in a bad episode if the Twilight Zone with no way out. I have to go.....

Anitra Moore as long as they get energized from people they will hang around, and I guess you and your family has to tell him no, that he is not welcome or you all are not interested in having him around. If you got kids with him, it will be harder. I wish you good luck and hope you get your peaceful life.

BRILIANT!!!

Yes, you get it! Dr. C

It seems to be along the same lines as forgiveness. People don't understand what purpose forgiveness really serves, but now I'll be using "I release you" instead when trying to explain it to people. I think it'll make much more sense. It's not about excusing their behavior, it's about allowing yourself to let go and move on. It's something you do for yourself, not them. Very healing!

Excellent if ur unable to walk away.. but mentally a sanity saver 👏👍🙏🤗

@@m0L3ify forgiveness is hard for me to grasp because it has been used by my narcissists to gain leverage. But I hear you. Can not let someone live rent free in the kind or heart. It just keeps the pain going. "I release you" feels safer. Like...I dont forgive someone just so they can keep hurting me. I release them and never look back.

@@rougirmore ♥

Judy Whittlesey ditto. I knew but was afraid to go. Our children suffered for it and it definitely did them damage.

@@Noahsoak I am so grateful to Dr. C, he has answered so many of my questions. I know I can't change the past, but my heart and mind are quieter. I will pray for the same for you and your children.

Judy Whittlesey - Know that you did the best you knew how to do at the time you really did. Rememeber as well society didnt supoort women leaving as it does now - financially and otherwise.

@@raia9 Raia, Thank you for the encouragement, yes thankfully there is more community support now, but still not enough. Just today, I thought; "I really think I'll speak to someone at my local shelter about volunteering." I not sure I can, I worry about being triggered, but there is such a need, even more since the covid quarantine. My local media reported on 2 deaths this week. It's never-ending.🙇‍♀️

Bless you both🙏🏻❤💯At least you found out the truth and are now doing your best to change and heal the past with yourself snd your children❤ I was a child of a narcissistic mother and a father who was the enabler. It was painful yet i am at the place now where i forgive them both.They truly were in a dysfunctional program and playing out patterns and progrming which was unresolved pain from their own childhoods.I did have alot of repressed anger and pain underneath that and underneath the pain was fear and shame below that was sadness and loneliness and beneath that my true self and the unconditional love i craved from my parents and family and as i heal myself and love my self i am filling the void i carried for so long. We are born beautiful innocent beings that dont question if they are good enough etc..babies just are who they are, and as we become conditioned by the world around us we stuff ourselves down down down and accept the projection and beliefs of others which i say with compassion this consciousness shit isn't easy.You both did the best you could with what you had and with compassion and understanding totally comend you for doing what my parents didn't do,i never got the chance to talk about this with my father he died years ago,but i bet if he was here today he would and wouldn't have shut me down like mother who i have no contact with anymore but the catharsis and healing that happens between anyone experiencing this especially parents and their children....it's quite powerful.Even though i didn't experience it with my own parents i have helped people mend it with their own families. Much love to you both and blessings to you and love to your children.

Janet, I am 64 too, and released him three months ago, after 48 years of hoping… I have peace in my heart. God knows I tried year after year.

You get it! Dr. C

I pray that you are ok now.

@@2010cmarie same

You deserve to live in peace! Don't walk on eggshells. He's not worth the trouble.

@@jackilynpyzocha662 I’m happy to report that I escaped my horribly abusive spouse and I’m rebuilding my life - I work a lot but I’m happy and I’m doing it all on my own. Proud of myself. There is life beyond that hell. I’m living proof. ❤️

@@2010cmarie thank you! I am! I got away from my narcissist and I’m in remission from cancer! 💪

Yey, live a happy life now

I hope you find the happiness you deserve.

Haha "release papers" that's awesome! I wish you all the happiness in the world once it's over!

So pleased for these comments, Katherine. Dr. C

@Aurora Nemesis I hope you begin living the beautiful life you deserve. Keep growing forward.. I'm going to do the same. 🦋🌺❤

Yeah I felt that one too! Well let me say it to you, I want you to have a truly wonderful life!

@@laurabarber6697 Thank you for your caring words Laura. I genuinely hope your kindness blesses your life also. 😇❤

I also want you to have a good life- full of dreams coming true and power and purpose and destiny😘

Thanks so much, Kay! Dr. C

100-percent agree 💕

Good for you. Be happy.

Her response is to be expected. The releasing is for you, so that you aren't standing there waiting for her to hear and respond appropriately to you, so that you have passed her hot potato back to her.

Fun Lovin Bloke ....Exactly, no empathy. They will throw you under the bus, abandon you in times of trouble and they really have no grasp as to why someone would show compassion. With them, it's all about their self image and it's all mental, no heart. Really liberating when you realize it's a waste of time to try and argue with them. It's all about black and white, win or lose, control and asserting their own superiority. I laugh because I am a retired Canadian civil engineer and she was just a housewife and worked various jobs. Yet, she thinks she's superior. Her need for control and power is a sickness that comes from an unhappy childhood. An angry person within. Works hard to keep it under wraps.

It's an eye opener to realize the type of person we let in to our lives. Time heals and with the invaluable knowledge you now have... the future should look a little brighter. Hopefully you don't have any things of permanence tied to this person. For some, the cost of that knowledge comes too late and can leave a good person devastated in so many ways. I'm glad you survived... Life will get better !!!

Your tomorrow will be much better than your yesterday!

I agree 100%

I have tried for 40 years. Almost cost me my life. I have released him finally. He is on his own journey. And I love the person I have become.

Denise S, sorry for what you lost. Mine was a 27 year battle with a Narc husband. Physically, I have been free from him for 3 years. But he’s still lurking there mentally and emotionally. Time to release him from there. All the best to you, dear!

@Nelumbo Nucifera- Denise S - Mine was 40 years. Congratulations! You'll be happier.

You're quite welcome.

I remember the same fruitless journey and came to the same conclusion. Congratulations ! You will be much happier.

@@venusrising6554 I really look forward to just being alone!

When I read what you have put here I have done it all too...it amazing how all of them seem to have the same m.o

Deborah Armstrong I agree with Venus rising - U will Be MUCH happier! I finally made my exit for good. There is a peaceful solitude that comes with the immediate freedom from being someone’s supply. Just be swift, under-the-radar & don’t breathe a word to the narc. Wishing u the best in your return to self. Enjoy the reunion! You deserve it. Personally, I have never slept more soundly.

Good for you. Be careful because people like this will go to extreme lengths to stop you from leaving and be prepared for the possible sabotage and smear campaign.

Absolutely 💯

I release you for you are no longer my sky. No longer will I tremble and cower beneath the brewing storm of your thundering insults, blaming & shaming of my tender heart. I release you cos now, I am now my only sky.

It truly is amazing advice!! I took down notes as well and I strongly agree with you that he articulates his points extremely well! Also, it is so rare to have this kind of incredible advice available to us for free, I am super grateful for this guy and that he dedicates his time to sharing this with us!

Same concept. Dr. C

Interesting and totally valid as it’s about the best one can do with one of them. Have you noticed if you ever get any sort of pseudo-apology from a narcissist it’s some very near equivalent to this? It’s polite to express regret or sorrow like that, and of course a narcissist counts on exceptions being made and living in the gray area. Extending that polite courtesy is offering them the exception of still hearing something apologetic. Took me quite a while to refine that into “that’s unfortunate” or “sucks doesn’t it” LOL but now I don’t even pretend to apologize to someone for their lack of reason anymore. That said, of course I didn’t have that even close to figured out until a good while after it would have been most useful and I was well into not often finding myself in these kinds of conversations anymore. I released them....ran and even covered my tracks too, but I didn’t understand what I was seeing in terms of somebody thinking so completely differently than I do (since they pretend that they don’t) and I made or accepted rational excuses for the irrational .... and was ultimately hooverable. When it’s your family of origin and that leftover childhood survival strategy that allows you to think “they love you but just aren’t great at showing it” or they “love you as much as anyone can after the trouble you’ve been” is still in place all you’ve done is release a monster that can still get you back. Monsters don’t need masks with kids who still hold out hope their parents only looked like monsters lots of times. I left home at 13 (boarding school) and thank God, but at 46 when my dad died I was still asking myself stuff like if he was never gonna let me win (have his approval) why didn’t he just tell me as much and leave me to it during any of six estrangements that lasted longer than a year (the last 3-4 of which were my decision). Nobody asks themselves if I was so awful why he kept bringing me back, so I guess they actually believed he was some long-suffering model dad and aren’t the ones who’d see his cruelty in treating me explicitly differently from my halfbrother in his will. In such a situation one hasn’t even necessarily begun to accept it for oneself before finding seven or eight times as many photos of him with his other son in unrecognized places boxed up (what is it with narcissists and pictures I swear to God it’s gotta be their workaround for absent object permanence and constancy) because without being informed about NPD (and in the presence of the NPD’s and everybody else’s satisfaction by all imaginable excuses) a person can actually still manage to try believing something less than completely horrible about their parent. I was going to make a peaceful memory as a matter of fact I had already reached a peaceful perspective on the experience of surviving my father. Knowing he’d treated a son badly enough to maybe suspect drove me to the detached ability to do that would absolutely be the petty sort of thing an abuser would not want to let a target have, so whether or not he had that much insight it pretty well cinches what he was. The only good thing that can come out of some POS making a clean getaway and needing you to know they’ve committed the perfect crime against you is a very late explanation for why you already know the others are whack anyway. But at least I have some perspective on the past and can stop walking into endless betrayals for stupidly wanting a family that’s always been the most treacherous place to be the safest. I’m damn sure the only one sorry I feel this way, so I’m not about to mince words for their benefit.... Scapegoat has quit, and where there is indignity behind appearing dignified I release those motherfuckers to it😉😳

... but typically “I’m sorry you feel that way” is a classic response from a narcissist who does not at all care how you feel and is never “sorry”.

should probably be 'too bad you feel that way' why should we be sorry they're not ...

This is one of my favorites.

flashfloodarea3, I hear you re. other commenters on Narcissist Personality Disorder (NPD) videos referring to narcissists as ‘demons’, ‘pure evil’, etc. I think such simplistic labeling may be a coping mechanism mindset used by victims of narcissists, who are hurting. People who are 100% incapable of empathy towards others (narcissists) can and DO inflict totally unnecessary endless pain and suffering on their “loved ones”... which usually is exceptionally difficult and laborious to figure out, understand, learn about and either continue to deal with or (ideally) remove from one’s life. So, I can understand why victims of narcissists tend to see their Narcissist as an over simplified, one-word description. Having had Narcissist relatives, partner and friends (before having access to all these highly educational and helpful NPD videos), I can say with confidence: It is far healthier to view the Narcissist as the cause of all that is bad, rather than to have empathy for them, while enduring the Narcissist ‘s reign of insidious destruction/gaslighting/control/abuse. Only until AFTER a victim of narcissistic abuse has fully recovered from the narcissists’ abuse, can we afford the luxury of having empathy towards the abuser. Just because one may have a narcissist for a relative does NOT mean one must or should have empathy for them! We must, first and foremost, take care of ourself and clear out a Narc-free safe space for ourself to recover. Only until after we have done this should we be considering the humanness of our narcissist, a.k.a. our Narcissistic Abuser. Thats IMHO, mind you. Take care

@@iownadodge7081 You're right, no one "should". I agree with all you say. I wouldn't be here if I wasn't a victim of decades of narcissist abuse. It has destroyed good sized chunks of my life, and left lasting damage that I wrestle with today. That said, I think part of my concern is the well known phenomenon where victims of narcissist abuse develop "fleas"; as in how we learn and adopt narcissistic traits and behaviors ourselves, after years of exposure. If victims of NPD truly believe their abusers are demons, I think we risk letting ourselves off the hook for any self reflection. I, myself, could easily spend days discussing the worst traits of my abusers. What is much harder is the painful work of honest self examination, which leads me to realize that, while I may be an empath at heart, I have picked up some ugly fleas that I must work to eradicate. Looking back over my family history, I can see that while my older sibling, and worst abuser, has a very serious case of NPD, my parents were very codependent and my dad had a milder form of narcissism. Was he a demon? Hardly. However, looking farther back, I have heard that his mother was pretty awful. Makes me wonder, who abused her? My point is that a lot of these traits are learned, or passed on in families; and I think most people on these threads would benefit themselves, their own children, and anyone else around them, if they look honestly at what fleas they might have picked up. My worry is that viewing those with NPD as literal demons will make it harder for anyone to admit, even to themselves, that they could have developed some narcissistic traits, and might need to do some serious work in order to eradicate them. I have been trying to share my journey with my young adult children, whose other parent has a major case of covert NPD; but, in doing so, I have to admit to my children the that there are some behaviors of my own that I'm not proud of, and want to eliminate. I am doing this to improve my behavior, and reclaim who I feel I really am at heart; but ALSO, to help my children heal and to recognize the reality of this disorder early on in their lives. I wish I had learned about NPD decades ago. That knowledge might have saved me an enormous amount of grief, and I could have started the work on eradicating these fleas back then, as well.

@@flash_flood_area If you don't mind, is it okay to contact you for advice on dealing with specific situations regarding narcs too? I'm in a relationship with one right now and while I empathize with what my partner is going through (he's had a rough family life and he constantly blames himself for not being able to receive love that sometimes it gets projected onto me), it feels like I have to limit myself because he twists my words sometimes. The emotional baggage I carry doesn't help too I admit, but sometimes whenever I'm the one craving for reassurance from him just like how I offer to him... it's not being reciprocated in the same way and that makes me upset. And for some reason, it seems like he doesn't see that or he doesn't care. Even when he says, "I love you" .. it doesn't show on his actions that he does. And when I question him about it, he says that I don't trust him enough. Whenever I unknowingly trigger one of his insecurities, he lashes out on me and acts like a vindinctive child. And I'm not sure how to respond to him accordingly because he might say I'm crazy again or that I deserve it if I make it clear that I'm upset. That all he's doing is just toughening me up so I shouldn't take it personally... I came up with several options on how to deal with it, but what I'm worried about is his reaction. Because we go to the same campus and we will see each other a lot... I'm kinda ashamed to say that I care about how people will see us or judge us. But yeah. As his partner I feel responsible of what impact I'll have on him and want to make myself clear. But at the same time I'm worried that me explaining things (about myself and my interpretation of his actions) will make him feel like he doesn't need to explain his part... I feel alone in this relationship and he probably does too because I've been becoming distant over the neglect and projection. I feel like I should apologize and explain but.. I'm always the one apologizing and explaining that I'm worried it might become a pattern... I feel like I'm setting myself on fire just to keep him warm. I jusy don't know anymore and I've been looking for advice where I can but most advice are from bitter people and I don't want to treat him like a demon to just be avoided. But at the same time, I'm worried about myself too...

I get what your saying......been there done that. But what I have learned is that....I can't control him or the situation, I can only control me!!! Release him set boundaries and take care of you!!! It will be ok, and you will feel so much better!! God bless you!

@@weneedmoreconsideratepeopl4006 I don't know how you would contact me. However, I will say that the relationship you are describing doesn't sound healthy for you. I have spent way too much of my life tip toeing around someone else's feelings. I don't recommend it. What a waste of so many years. When I look back over three major, long term relationships, I see enormous amounts of time spent treading carefully around the other person's fragile, wounded ego. I still feel great empathy for the fragile, wounded person; but I wish I hadn't felt responsible to give up so much of myself just to protect their feelings and inadequacies. Does your campus provide counseling, or can you get counseling in your community? You may qualify for free or low cost counseling. Also, if cost is an issue, there are online groups and blogs that can be helpful. Maybe join a group on reddit for codependency? I suggest watching all the videos you can, on codependency. There are good books to read too, if you can get them. I'm happy to chat, but I'm no expert.

Thank you for your comment. I, too, resigned from my job to get away from my boss. After discovering this channel, I realized that I had been working with an overt narcissistic boss. I enjoyed my job; however, the emotional blow-ups, the blaming, the put-downs became so overwhelming that I couldn’t relax over the weekend, and dreaded Monday mornings. My health was suffering. It took me nearly 2 weeks after I quit to finally relax and enjoy daily life again. I am thankful for Dr. C’s videos, as it now helps me manage my dignity and emotions as I deal with my next door Neighbor From Hell, whom we met when we recently moved into our new house.

@@probablynot1368 Thank you as well. Dr. Carter's videos are definitely helping my self-esteem. I 'm learning that I took the high road despite their ugliness. This experience taught me that no job or position is worth losing your health and self-esteem over. My family is more important.

@@user-uh5fc3rd9e Hi, I heard an amazing statistic, many years ago that always surprised me. Most heart attacks in men happen on a Monday morning. Our neighbour had one at that time so it really struck home. You did the right thing.

The scars do remain.

I was managing a covert N. It was a nightmare of lies. Resigned. Am rebuilding. It’s a process. Took a pay cut but no job is worth your peace or health. Much much happier.

So pleased you are on board with us! Dr. C

I'm an Empath as well and just went through the same thing. Believe me, you are a better person than they ever could be. Put them in the rear view and go forward. There are many good people. The best revenge is to forget them and live well. Good Luck.

hey nanc, i got the final discard in feb. i'm still trying to move on but once i realized the guy was a covert narc and that everything wasn't my fault, i was able to find some peace with the situation. not total peace. i still think about the situation all the time. but each day it gets a little better. watching the videos on this channel has also been beneficial. try looking up support forum for narcissistic abuse on reddit. also helpful to read the stories there

@@venusrising6554 The BEST revenge is FREEING yourself,,,,AND,,,moving on into a HEALTHY, LOVING RELATIONSHIP AND BEING HAPPY! NARCS HATE THAT! SO, SMILE! 😉

@@venusrising6554 Thank you Venus

So pleased. Thanks, Esther. Dr. C

Truly a blessing ❣️ And this is one the most important techniques he has explained

@@DeniseMeissner such a blessing!!

How did you seperate your feelings of who you thought they were and who they actually are? That's where I'm stuck. I need to realize I dont actually know this person.

@@januarybaby I left and went no contact. This is a long ongoing process. I continue to educate myself about narcs and journal about abusive experiences. I allow myself to feel the feelings and write about those also. I realised that the narcissism is not my fault bc it stems from unresolved trauma in the narcs life. The narc is in a tremendous amount of internal pain that we can do nothing about. This is not an excuse for how the narcs abuses us, but allows me to be somewhat empathetic that they will never be happy or healed. For me it makes it a little bit easier to forgive and release. This is allowing me the freedom to heal. We have to admit that this happened to us and that we are responsible for our own healing. It is challening and confusing, but focus on finding your true self. I hope this helps.

@@rodneyrowell228 wow yes thanks🥰

My sweet son knows he should leave his Narc partner but he no way wants to leave his children,, and she wont let them go either ,, so she says ,, but I really dont feel she is capable of LOVE ... none of them are !! He feels sooo stuck .. I am praying a special prayer every day for this situation,, the sweet children are learning her anger and its soo hard to see .. w such innocent little ones.

I heard someone recently say (para), learning how they think, and spending your energy silently analyzing and even anticipating their behaviors actually makes you less likely to be emotionally reactive to them. You are too busy anticipating their obvious next narc move, or phrase ..such as dehumanizing phrases when you don’t give them the fix they need from you. I have found this idea very helpful to me personally in a recent situation. You not getting hurt and upset is what drives them mad.

Sherry Mace,You look cute 🥰,Hope you are not with a narcissist….

Thank you, Lorraine. Peace.

After divorce from N, I longed to be surrounded by normal human interaction. Not necessarily engaged, but around it, again. It had been so long.

Alexa, yes when you deal with a narcissist and they pit other people against you successfully, you begin to get paranoid! I think if there is anything you can do about it, you should get away from the narcissist. They literally take all of the joy of life out of you. You deserve to have a peaceful life full of people who know how to be in a relationship.

Cate....I'm in a great relationship and have good coworkers. I dont know how I found myself here but I've been watching all his videos I feel so sorry for all these commentors that they have all this anger pinging in their heads.

Alexa Rihani , i've been lived with a narc partner for 9 years,wasteful time, so much pain, tears, untill i finally do no contact, during these hard time i have a bestfriend that always support me. but few months later he ask me to be with him, he say he will take care of my wound, he will make me happy, and he does. i'm so gratefull to have him, i know its too soon, but i really don't know what my life would be without him, unfortunately sometimes when mu trauma's back, it makes me have these anxiety, i feel useless, angry, crying for no reason, i pour my rage toward him, i become easily angry just because a simple thing, i know its not fair for him , and i'm afraid that i will hurt him the way my narc ex hurt me. i'm afraid i become a monster just like my ex. so i guess you are right, sometimes its not easy to find yourself back even after these toxic person removed from your life. i'm still trying my best to help my self find peace and heal.., so that i can focus to people who really love me.

It takes 1 year for every 5 to recover so it took me 5 years. And I still trust everyone but am aware that I attract psycopaths and narcissists. Even though I am careful I recently got love bombed for 3 months then ghosted and as I didn't respond by going mental like others did he said I was strong and unfriended me. I find good guys are boring and unromantic but I am learning to prefer that.

I know this. Thank you. If you cannot be civil, respectful, responsible and reliable...I release you. If you are the one with the anger issues and have abandoned me or ghosted me because of a perceived slight...I release you. When you agree to meet me to civilly discuss something, yet try to start an argument....I release you.