For a girl who grew up with a narcissistic father and ended up marrying a narcissist you have been like a father to me helping me heal. I can never thank you enough for the support you provide to people like us who lives in a fog of confusion.
@gillianpears17112 жыл бұрын
I couldn’t have said it better myself.
@vanessamorey38122 жыл бұрын
Anyone who clouds your perception of yourself is a demonic piece of shit and not your friend. Never question they are out for themselves at your expense. It gives one an amazing sense of clarity!!! Yay!!
@AA-mg3xr2 жыл бұрын
I agree & relate
@adinagoodin2542 жыл бұрын
Yes, we have no idea what a good man is. All we know are the bad. Help!!!!
@pamchesler2422 жыл бұрын
Totally agree! Well said and I can’t thank Dr. Carter enough…I am not able to physically detach from my narcissistic ex purely for financial reasons…I only need be around him two days a week (when we’re both off work)…I never understood that I could have psychological power while still being in contact…I do needed to hear this advice..very wise words..
@SuperMrJakethesnake4 жыл бұрын
I will watch this daily until I release myself to have a life of peace.
@anthonyprodution4 жыл бұрын
Jim Kurn me to jim
@bridgettware75774 жыл бұрын
Amen! May God continue to richly Bless You as you seek liberty and peace !
@SydneyInTheSky3 жыл бұрын
Me too
@jennygabat40943 жыл бұрын
That's what I did ! I found my self watching videos of dr. Phil. When I suspected that he is a narcissist
@maureenwoodard95883 жыл бұрын
I do this now for support and encouragement ! Good idea
@theartzscientist80124 жыл бұрын
Narcissists are cold hearted. They will fake loving you in trade for your slave like ways toward them.
@ashevans51524 жыл бұрын
The Art Z Scientist this is absolutely powerful and made me really think that I need to snap out of it! Bc I keep thinking over and over that he said he loved me...reality is....if you REALLY love someone, you don’t just throw them away like a peace of trash bc someone says something in a way you don’t like smh
@deltaradiance90344 жыл бұрын
Some fake love you for money
@jennygabat40943 жыл бұрын
Oh my God this is true
@judy1angel3 жыл бұрын
@@jennygabat4094 No, SO true!!!!
@maureenwoodard95883 жыл бұрын
How true ! These videos give me the proper words and actions to stop or shut up the narcissist !
@lifewithapurpose2373 жыл бұрын
I Will Give Higher Priority to : •My own good decisions •Becoming steady, emotionally •My inner peace, living into it •A life of goodness •Self restraint •I am not a person of fear or anger •Commited to the way of love •Connecting to people who know how to connect •Shedding myself of individuals who bring negative emotional energy Gracias, Dr. Carter
@CharisToTheWheeler2 жыл бұрын
Thanks 😊
@Lyrielonwind2 жыл бұрын
La gracia también la tiene usted por hacer el resumen 🙂
@theathenachannel88 Жыл бұрын
❤
@chrisy941-4 жыл бұрын
i keep having to remind myself that i don’t owe them anything. not an explanation, not to answer their texts or reply to their manipulations. Silence is golden.
@sherrydrake49734 жыл бұрын
Stay strong. You deserve to only associate with people who are kind to you.
@januarybaby4 жыл бұрын
Turning on my phone is my biggest anxiety every morning
@quitageorge75324 жыл бұрын
Yes lol and it keep living life with a smile on your face 😜
@alldor49024 жыл бұрын
Truth, keep pushing soldier 💙
@gracetoglory50204 жыл бұрын
Yes. That's exactly what I'm reminding myself too. I owe him nothing!!!!!
@sharontavares56954 жыл бұрын
5 1/2 years ago I said "I'm Done" and walked away. Never happier or healthier. No regrets
@SurvivingNarcissism4 жыл бұрын
Be you! Dr. C
@trueheartyogi31653 жыл бұрын
That's my goal!!!
@cerenyldz27543 жыл бұрын
Seriously I regretted so many things but never leaving a Narc behind. Yes it doesn't solve everything but it solves like 95% lol a pretty neat deal after years of give 40 and take 1 relationships 😂
@avanellehansen45253 жыл бұрын
"I'm already gone!"
@goesfarfliesnear14473 жыл бұрын
@@SurvivingNarcissism We should always be ourselves-no one else is qualified to do the job!
@Inkdraft4 жыл бұрын
Thirty years ago when I saw the narc starting to treat my chldren (as they grew) the same way he was treating me I gave higher priority to the emotional well-being of my children. I released him. His response was to tell me that he would never visit his children because he knew it would cause them deep emotional wounds and that was his way of punishing me for leaving. Screamed it right to my face as he was standing in the middle of the street. It was the only time he ever kept his word. Thank God he did. It was a blessing to us all. Today my children are happy, functional, caring adults.
@Diotima0fMantinea2 жыл бұрын
He was projecting when he said those words in the manner he chose because the children are a reminder of what he lost.
@Lyrielonwind2 жыл бұрын
You did great 👍
@EnnPeeCee2 жыл бұрын
I wish that could have happened for my children. Instead, they have left him - and are happier for it.
@bjflynnful3 жыл бұрын
“You’re clinging to a hope that is not going to come to fruition.” That was SO me with my narc husband! I went to counselling for 3 years before we finally split up. My counsellor said to me once, “ You’ve been hoping for a long time [that he’ll change] but it hasn’t happened”. That hit me hard & was one of the turning point for me.
@Rubbaduckie19752 жыл бұрын
I'm so sorry this happened to you but so happy you found the strength to walk away, I admire you x
@akcalo2 жыл бұрын
This is one of the hardest truths to accept. I'm currently married to one. I've been hoping praying....sowing seeds of love. But its time for me to wake up and realize that it's dead ground. Nothing is going to grow outta that no matter how much I sow. And I don't want to wast another minute of another day in my life doing that. I did that with my sister, and looking back I'm still kicking myself with regret. Not this time...like the song goes, won't get fooled again.
@leahakol59202 жыл бұрын
I've tried so many things for 12 years but sadly nothing works and nothing will. Now in the process of separating as he plans to leave after I went stone-cold and no affection any longer.
@miker4430 Жыл бұрын
Thank you for sharing this. They are incapable of change. They are a broken record from the depths of hell. Cheers and enjoy being narcissistic/parasitic free
@nelodypond92824 жыл бұрын
“Your opinion serves only you and your broken ego.” 😆 I feel so empowered saying that
@pattygirl63724 жыл бұрын
Me too....its like a light went on in my head. The narcaccist loves to make you feel like you are damaged and wrong, and tries to make it seem that "everyone" feels and thinks the same.
@Art-zs6sl4 жыл бұрын
I don't think you are supposed to say it. Unless you are looking to hurt them.
@marychambrs96884 жыл бұрын
A spoon full of sugar makes the medicine go down in pain management vs. Adding salt to the womb. Opinions are not Truths but lessons in wisdom. Wisdom has it cure. Time. ...Greater Loving Wisdom has no time. Let it Be....Let it Be... Mother Mary came to me speaking words of Wisdom...Let it be.
@rominamoreno47234 жыл бұрын
Last year I had a situation when a narc wanted desperately for me to share what was going on with me by trying to force me to as if sharing was my duty to him as if I owed that person that (when he did nothing in his life to deserve me sharing feelings, because when I did, they were used against me by Poor treatment and labeling me as weak and even crazy). After listening to his non sense drama to make me feel even guilty for not sharing I just simply said: I have nothing to share with you and I can tell by your face that does not satisfy you, But that is not my problem, is yours. He left in silence and did not bother me again (I distanced myself well after that) Narc disarmed!
@elizabethlasseigne53614 жыл бұрын
I LOVE YOUR REPLY!
@nikkiidaniels4 жыл бұрын
You stole pieces of me In all the love I gave you And never got back Keep it now it is my gift to you For you will not get more- And that my love Is my gift to me ... Atticus’
@copperlight4 жыл бұрын
ooooh nice.
@valeriehammond7443 жыл бұрын
Beautiful
@conniedean68423 жыл бұрын
I know what it feels like when they steal pieces of you and you start to feel like a shell of a person and numb... wasting all your love and energy on someone who never gives back the same true love
@Sunny256113 жыл бұрын
❤️❤️❤️ 🙏
@sueb66623 жыл бұрын
Beautiful x
@Jennifer-eb8iw4 жыл бұрын
I Release You is the most profound response to a narcissist. Your channel, sir will help me help my clients who are victims and survivors of domestic violence.
@darlenerego703 жыл бұрын
Thank you Jennifer for helping those you're helping. I've gotten help from a few counselors. It's so wonderful being able to talk to someone who understands.
@stefanpavicevic58902 жыл бұрын
That works? 3 words! I don’t believe
@marketa40744 жыл бұрын
"I want to give higher priority to be known not as a person of fear or anger, but a person commited to the way of love." Wow, that resonated. As a christian I want that for myself! Thank you for this video, I now have what to think about! :)
@SurvivingNarcissism4 жыл бұрын
Thanks for this good input, Marketa. Dr. C
@angiea80222 жыл бұрын
@@SurvivingNarcissism Dr C, thank you for all your videos! I refer your videos to everyone I know. I enjoyed this video and I've begun releasing from the troubled souls in this journey. I think it's important to "Release" but I also choose to release any bitterness. I pray that they can find peace as well on their journey.
@kimberlyadams13004 жыл бұрын
Life's too short for fruitless conversations, or fruitless anything. "I release you" is the best advice ever. This person who cannot find peace or happiness is never going to want you to have it either.
@CG-mj8tk3 жыл бұрын
Oh my goodness this is so true! It's perfect.
@Rubbaduckie19752 жыл бұрын
Yesss! So true! These kinds of people are sappers and have no generosity of spirit, hell, they can't even be happy for themselves! Well said!
@lynnemarylou7611 Жыл бұрын
So very true
@wifferste4 жыл бұрын
This "I release you" can also be extended to people who discard you because they side with the narcissist. It does hurt but it also shows you who your true friends are.
@AlexFurlong4 жыл бұрын
Very good point!
@brainboosterrva23204 жыл бұрын
wifferste ABSOLUTELY true!!! Other narcissists showed their colors as soon as I left my narc. They contacted me DEMANDING that I explained my action, as though I owed it to them! I blocked them all.
@wulfclaw49214 жыл бұрын
Thanks, I needed to read your words. I appreciate this. Wulfy
@smithenterprise4 жыл бұрын
Flying monkeys can be hard to release... I'm not using the term in jest, it describes those who do the narcissist bidding. Think about it and it might make sense.
@sideswiped68744 жыл бұрын
@@smithenterprise quote "narcissist bidding" hmm, maybe just say that to the flying monkeys. something like "hmmm, narcissist bidding, I have heard of that before, by by"
@jjwashere-qo7ow Жыл бұрын
What a relief to finally stop responding; leave them in your rear view mirror and know that nothing you do will change their attitude toward you; it won't happen!
@madambutterfly53433 жыл бұрын
This is making me ugly cry 😭 Everything you said is true of my recent leaving my husband a week ago. 39 years of having “that” conversation over and over and over, hoping I would say the right words. He just agrees, straightens up for a while. Then it just goes back to the same way. Hoping this would be the time he would respond. He never has...he’s not mean. He’s a draining narcissist. Drains me... I’m actually sitting in my sons house watching this video realizing what I want I will never have. I’ve been trying for 39 years to get him to see his lack of empathy and the me, me, me, attitude was hurting me and his children. He’s never been violent or mean, so I thought it was me overreacting. He made it appear he was so unassuming, caring, loving and yet so emotionless. So deliberately cunning in his approach of gaslighting. I only discovered he was a narcissist in 2015 when we separated for 4 months. I always knew his cold hearted actions of cunning manipulation without empathy wasn’t right. But I still gave him passes time after time. It was just his way and his personality. But during our separation in 2015 I began my research and discovered he is a narcissist. A cunning, manipulative, pitiful, soothe sayer of kind tender words and promises of grand things. That he never intended to follow through on. In the past 3 years he’s been trying to convince me I’m becoming a invalid. Convincing me I truly need his help. Convincing me of things that just aren’t true. I began to see through his gaslighting this year. I was wondering why I was having physical problems, trouble walking. Just not being able to do things I used to do without effort. I figured it out over the last 2 months. I’m lethargic, becoming weak and losing my zest for life. He’s slowly gaslighting me to think he can do everything and I can just relax. Keeping me under his thumb and under control. He controls the finances, pays all the bills, drives me around, I no longer drive. My car broke down and he said it couldn’t be fixed and we couldn’t afford to buy another one. He’s totally in control of my life and I’m miserable 😩 and I don’t even know it. I’m to stupid to understand I need to be away from him. But my desire to be with him is strong and stupid at the same time. 39 years of this and I know it’s not going to disappear overnight. I’m so broken in so many ways. I’m living with my son and I told my husband there will be no contact. I’m struggling and praying daily that I can come out of this alive and free. I just want to live 😭
@Davids777242 жыл бұрын
I don't know how you're doing now, but I sure hope things are better for you, & that you've been able to release yourself from the negative crap you've been living under. Never give up, & always remember God loves you, & is there for you!
@dyoung27392 жыл бұрын
I pray🙏🏽that you’re doing better now. Your post was long but necessary and helpful. It helped me after 34 years and facing divorce to know that I’m not alone in staying too long in a narcissistic relationship. I knew he was different,thought it was just a matter of opposites attracting. Just found out about narcissism a few years ago.
@bodymindsoul602 жыл бұрын
@@dyoung2739 blessings on your journey dear one I left mine 10 years ago best thing I ever did. It’s a long process but so worth the work Now I’m just getting rid of the last Narc friend from high school 40 years ago I’ve come so far and so happy Hugs 🥰
@dyoung27392 жыл бұрын
@@bodymindsoul60 Thanks❤️!
@Ishana_Intuitive2 жыл бұрын
Please know that it's not your fault. You are a loving person. He is not. You are a God person. He is not. The good thing is: Healing for you is there in every moment. I come from a narc. family and had a narc. boyfriend. It almost killed me. I felt the life energy leaving me. But as mentioned... healing is there in every moment. Believe in it. Let go of all the sickness and feel the healing.
@ritastevenson73804 жыл бұрын
I visualized myself saying that to my mother and my heart was saddened. However, she needs to be released. My mental health demands it.
@dirtysanchez9413 жыл бұрын
How are you, dear? I relate.
@messue4283 жыл бұрын
Yes! I can relate. I am doing it for my health and sanity
@j.c.hunter89603 жыл бұрын
Realize she does not have the emotional health to give you the proper love and approval you deserve. Release her of meeting your needs, as she doesn't know how. What works is to love her "in spite of herself". Have pity upon her. She is the pitiful one -- not you!
@Jessica-zf2df3 жыл бұрын
@@j.c.hunter8960 thank you for these words. I'm crying as I read them. My own mother passed away over 2 years ago and I'm still struggling with the memories of abuse.
@Caseic4 жыл бұрын
I love this. There is a difference between being selfish, and having self love
@natashastewart82034 жыл бұрын
There is. Just like there is a difference between vanity and self-pride.
@josullivan56044 жыл бұрын
I have a new mantra! Thanks, doc!
@rebeccaperson85814 жыл бұрын
There are so many points which the n. throws back at you that they are actually doing....
@weneedmoreconsideratepeopl40064 жыл бұрын
@@rebeccaperson8581 They're projecting their dark side on you and you can see it as an opportunity to know what they're guilty of. It hurts though because it feels like a false accusation on you and they don't even know how wrong they are. 😵 Really feels like my sanity is...
@williamhofmans37634 жыл бұрын
I don't see it.
@rebeccawilliamson7401 Жыл бұрын
Core principle! "Clinging to a hope for something that is never going to change." That realization made all the difference.
@jenna24314 жыл бұрын
There's only one successful response to a narcissist: FLEE.
@joannajohnson6964 жыл бұрын
My Narc H asked, "what were you laughing at?" On Sun. Evening, I watched the best SNL skit on mother's day & laughed histerically for an hour! His response was, "what an AWFUL SOUND you were making!" My reply, "I have never laughed so hard in 10 yrs of our marraige! And YOUR RESPONSE to my laughter is "WHAT AN AWFUL SOUND????" That is wrong! Not to mention, I think a wife's laughter should be music to her husband. A man in LOVE does not say this to his wife.
@raymondgarafano86044 жыл бұрын
Dear J Alexandria, you are so right about that. I have had 3 wonderful ladies in my life for over thirty years and I was in love with them as well as loving them, anything I did to make them happy made me happy as well. He could be jealous he never made you laugh like that. I hope you are a happy woman. Take care and God bless.
@betsyhood12064 жыл бұрын
You are not alone. My narc father said my laugh hurt his ears, and now my narc brother has picked up the theme - our last interaction 6 months ago, his big insult was that I have a stupid laugh. I was thinking 'is that all you've got?'
@raymondgarafano86044 жыл бұрын
@@betsyhood1206 Dear Betsy Hood, so sorry to hear you have two sicko's in the family, like one was not enough.
@ru.m.61194 жыл бұрын
Same, he was in his bad mood and me laughing was a sound of an old hag, my voice was ugly made him cringe... lool, me having a nice fun time also annoyed him lool.
@sherrim40674 жыл бұрын
I would love any laughter these days. Good for you. It is music to the ears.
@catnc14 жыл бұрын
It's almost funny...all the years in these relationships, knowing something was wrong; feeling crappy about myself; thinking maybe there was something wrong with me. Turns out the issues were at least 90% them. Knowledge is liberating!!!
@moonchild664 жыл бұрын
Deffo xxx
@manjithothi65554 жыл бұрын
I have had the same experience but with the great help from Dr Carter I have reached the same conclusion as you. Stay on your guard X
@peaceofmindofpeace16504 жыл бұрын
It seems to be one of the narcissists biggest goals: sowing seeds of self-doubt into our system. Even after disconnecting I kept defending myself internally by saying to myself 'there is nothing wrong with you, you are healthy and you did not do anything wrong and you are a whole person'. They really attack our positive thoughts and confidance and try to make us feel like a bad or disturbing person while they are the ones triggered bc we confront them with their own bad state of mind compared to a human being with and social emotions.
@tedschmitt1784 жыл бұрын
Knowledge is a beautiful thing, especially when you’ve been in the dark for decades (referring to myself).
@peaceofmindofpeace16504 жыл бұрын
@@tedschmitt178 Yep, same.
@petabrown69374 жыл бұрын
It's all just so much sadness tho.... So many years too.... Never expected this stuff at this age... We could have had completely different and happy lives...
@goesfarfliesnear14473 жыл бұрын
@ Peta Brown I think we need to mourn our losses and let them go. I've missed many a year of accomplishments and left a really good job for someone like this. Does lost time make me sad? Yes. But we cannot look backward because we will miss what's right in front of us-a healthy future. We got this!
@bethmorano14522 жыл бұрын
It is a loss you have to grieve. It’s only been a year for me. So even though I am healing, some nights I just sit here and let the tears flow. No noise, no wailing, I just let them flow. So much loss.
@pegihaider8132 жыл бұрын
I feel exactly the same Peta - so much sadness over practically an entire lifetime lost & crippled by a covert narcissist mother. So bad that I had to go no contact at age 40 & am 68 now & still trying to heal. Can't afford therapy but at least have great videos from Dr. C, others, & a loving Father in God to help me heal.
@petabrown69372 жыл бұрын
@@pegihaider813 Stay strong...
@clover63382 жыл бұрын
This message is critical for me as I prepare to officially end a relationship with a vulnerable narcissist. Eleven years of believing he simply struggled with his dysfunctional childhood, struggled with depression, struggled with work/life balance, struggled to get ahead... all the while resenting me for my sense of self, my stability, my character, my financial security, my optimism and my hope for him. I realize now that I almost lost myself, but with the support of a wonderful counselor, and my own internal compass, I finally saw the light - and it was blinding. I will echo the sentiment below: when the student is ready the teacher appears. I find courage, and especially wisdom here. For this I am grateful.
@SurvivingNarcissism2 жыл бұрын
Definitely. At some point you have to unhook.. Best wishes as you move forward. Dr. C
@seventeenraccoons28254 жыл бұрын
When the student is ready the teacher appears ... that was both emotionally moving and inspirational ... Dr. Carter's words were precisely what I needed to hear ... thank you Dr. Carter.
@SurvivingNarcissism4 жыл бұрын
You're welcome! So pleased to be with you on the journey! Dr. C
@TheProtocol484 жыл бұрын
It’s a Buddhist axiom.
@tanyab.12414 жыл бұрын
I agree. I stumbled on this totally randomly. Sent when needed most. Thank you
@Jaxson_da4 жыл бұрын
Same here!
@melissamalone11024 жыл бұрын
Same. Thank you so much.
@billhoward5324 жыл бұрын
My favourite response to a pestering Narciopath is: "I'll give that due consideration" - this TOTALLY bewilders them & they don't know what to say next because it is non committal, neutral, unresponsive to their agitation.
@user-el3lm4hf2t4 жыл бұрын
As soon as I read your post it hit me like a ton of lead lol !! It’s been over 2 months now my girlfriend (if I can even use that term, she’s hidden our relationship the whole time she’s been with me, yr &a half now) and I my last text message to her I said something similar and she immediately replied what do you mean by that !! Funny how something that we know is so simple to comprehend gets their kind of response that’s full of confusion and bewilderment lol !! Yet she thinks she’s smarter then me and is part of her gaslighting bullshit but hasn’t the brain capacity to understand such a simple statement from us !! Thanks for your comment, I’ll be sure to use this one if I bother to respond to her texts I’m getting after 2 months pretending she’s concerned about me and asks hope all is well, but doesn’t realize if she didn’t cheat on me and blatantly rub it in my face, I wouldn’t be in this situation in the first place !! Shows the disconnect and immaturity level she’s really at to now keep texting me all of a sudden she cares about me but what’s funny is any one who really does care about there partner calls that person and or makes the effort to come and see me to show what a normal human shows there partner they’ve been with for over a yr & a half lol !! Good one Bill, thanks
@billhoward5324 жыл бұрын
Yep - Narciopaths whole existence revolves around extracting attention & preoccupation one way or another - neutrality baffles them and leaves them without bullets to fire - really we need to totally ostracise these little demons altogether in one big concerted effort - find them a remote desert island where they can't harm anybody but each other and stick them all there.
@carterm44214 жыл бұрын
@@user-el3lm4hf2t Is that a thing Narcissists do? Hide relationships? God, I wasn't the only one
@pointsbeingmade79964 жыл бұрын
Thanx great tool.
@Jool0054 жыл бұрын
I have found the same type of responses to my partner is also the most advantageous. Go us! Makes my life a lot easier to limit ‘narcissistic injury’ to the poor, delusional soul.
@apeyb56063 жыл бұрын
For YEARS- my narc tried to convince me that anytime I thought about someone else’s feelings that I was being selfish- because he was the epitome of empathy and I should only think or care about how HE feels... which 9/10 was never very nice, or empathic. Dr. Carter, I can never thank you enough for giving me the permission to release myself from what he thought!!
@lacyjrgensen66384 жыл бұрын
I got to the point where I had to say to him "go be free" and ever since then I'VE been free because my expectations became zero.
@nmuphelps13 жыл бұрын
BRILIANT!!!
@davidbundgaard4 жыл бұрын
I did this too, said it out loud and never looked back, never felt bad, never felt more me. Don’t say it silently, grab your stuff, realize the life is short to just be somebody else fuel station. Love your self more than you love the narcissist. Care about your feelings and emotions. Your heart and mind. Release the person that suck the life and air out of you and you will grow and expand to fill the space instead. I don’t watch these as I often as I previously did but it is good to go back and remember why I took the actions I did. Continue all on your lovely journey in life and you will find happiness.
@barbaraevening38544 жыл бұрын
Are you a bear?!
@peaceofmindofpeace16504 жыл бұрын
@@barbaraevening3854 lol
@anitramoore95144 жыл бұрын
Amen!!! No contact and even need to parent but every time they are around it’s a game. Mine will not go away and hanging onto my parents and playing games with everyone. He has a girlfriend and I was happy about that but he is still stalking me on line and stuff!!! When do they go away? My parents are caught up in it and we are tip toeing around his bs right now! They don’t want him around anymore after showing them proof of his lies! I collected for years to sink his butt! They are good liars and stealthy!
@joannajohnson6964 жыл бұрын
I am in covid lockdown. I feel as if I am in a bad episode if the Twilight Zone with no way out. I have to go.....
@davidbundgaard4 жыл бұрын
Anitra Moore as long as they get energized from people they will hang around, and I guess you and your family has to tell him no, that he is not welcome or you all are not interested in having him around. If you got kids with him, it will be harder. I wish you good luck and hope you get your peaceful life.
@mrs.morris55064 жыл бұрын
I love it when people are able to speak from the heart and offer HEALTHY and EMPOWERING advice.
@LisaSteffan3 жыл бұрын
This video is a lifesaver, thank you so much! Peace
@saddam9507 Жыл бұрын
As the old saying goes... with friends like that, I don't need enemy's!
@joanhuckabay33014 жыл бұрын
I have dealt with a very narcissistic family member for years, I spoke up to her once and quickly realized I had made a big mistake. My husband and I have come to realize there is no reasoning with a narcissist and have kept our family gatherings to a minimum.. I love the thought of releasing that person, it will certainly help me in future gatherings. I imagine a giant hot air balloon lifting off!
@janetstephens95634 жыл бұрын
You have this 64 year old Grammy fist pumping - “I release you!” I have been free of my narcissistic husband for a year now, and am truly feeling happy and free for the first time in years. Thank you so much, and God bless you Dr. Carter! God has used you to bless and change my life. I’m so thankful for your wisdom. I never miss your videos, and look forward to each new one.
@mariaelenarodriguez61883 жыл бұрын
Janet, I am 64 too, and released him three months ago, after 48 years of hoping… I have peace in my heart. God knows I tried year after year.
@judywhittlesey40104 жыл бұрын
I so wish I had known this 50 years ago. I kept thinking "Someday, I can make him understand how I feel." I wasted so many years, and the thing I most regret: my children are paying for all the craziness, my choices.
@Noahsoak4 жыл бұрын
Judy Whittlesey ditto. I knew but was afraid to go. Our children suffered for it and it definitely did them damage.
@judywhittlesey40104 жыл бұрын
@@Noahsoak I am so grateful to Dr. C, he has answered so many of my questions. I know I can't change the past, but my heart and mind are quieter. I will pray for the same for you and your children.
@raia94 жыл бұрын
Judy Whittlesey - Know that you did the best you knew how to do at the time you really did. Rememeber as well society didnt supoort women leaving as it does now - financially and otherwise.
@judywhittlesey40104 жыл бұрын
@@raia9 Raia, Thank you for the encouragement, yes thankfully there is more community support now, but still not enough. Just today, I thought; "I really think I'll speak to someone at my local shelter about volunteering." I not sure I can, I worry about being triggered, but there is such a need, even more since the covid quarantine. My local media reported on 2 deaths this week. It's never-ending.🙇♀️
@plutooliver6864 жыл бұрын
Bless you both🙏🏻❤💯At least you found out the truth and are now doing your best to change and heal the past with yourself snd your children❤ I was a child of a narcissistic mother and a father who was the enabler. It was painful yet i am at the place now where i forgive them both.They truly were in a dysfunctional program and playing out patterns and progrming which was unresolved pain from their own childhoods.I did have alot of repressed anger and pain underneath that and underneath the pain was fear and shame below that was sadness and loneliness and beneath that my true self and the unconditional love i craved from my parents and family and as i heal myself and love my self i am filling the void i carried for so long. We are born beautiful innocent beings that dont question if they are good enough etc..babies just are who they are, and as we become conditioned by the world around us we stuff ourselves down down down and accept the projection and beliefs of others which i say with compassion this consciousness shit isn't easy.You both did the best you could with what you had and with compassion and understanding totally comend you for doing what my parents didn't do,i never got the chance to talk about this with my father he died years ago,but i bet if he was here today he would and wouldn't have shut me down like mother who i have no contact with anymore but the catharsis and healing that happens between anyone experiencing this especially parents and their children....it's quite powerful.Even though i didn't experience it with my own parents i have helped people mend it with their own families. Much love to you both and blessings to you and love to your children.
@susanfeuerstein6572 жыл бұрын
I have been married to a narcissist for 41 years and finally left. Les Carter, you’re a genius. You explain so clearly and accurately about what it’s like to be in a relationship with a toxic narcissist, it’s all consuming, and ultimately a waste of one’s life. This video motivates me each day to live a mentally, emotionally and physically healthy life. I will no longer sacrifice my precious life to a person who has no self awareness and whom I’ve allowed to take up so much space in my mind. I am released from that toxic bond! Thank you!
@greylizard10402 жыл бұрын
I could listen to this man's voice all day. Not just because he puts out such helpful videos, but also because he has such a soothing temperament.
@zahimiibrahim36024 жыл бұрын
"I release you" is more to help release ourselves from letting a narcissist have power over us by clinging to the hope that he or she will magically change to a sympathetic loving empathic person. Thank you for good, simple, plain talking advice.
@SurvivingNarcissism4 жыл бұрын
Yes, you get it! Dr. C
@m0L3ify4 жыл бұрын
It seems to be along the same lines as forgiveness. People don't understand what purpose forgiveness really serves, but now I'll be using "I release you" instead when trying to explain it to people. I think it'll make much more sense. It's not about excusing their behavior, it's about allowing yourself to let go and move on. It's something you do for yourself, not them. Very healing!
@bereal65903 жыл бұрын
Excellent if ur unable to walk away.. but mentally a sanity saver 👏👍🙏🤗
@rougirmore3 жыл бұрын
@@m0L3ify forgiveness is hard for me to grasp because it has been used by my narcissists to gain leverage. But I hear you. Can not let someone live rent free in the kind or heart. It just keeps the pain going. "I release you" feels safer. Like...I dont forgive someone just so they can keep hurting me. I release them and never look back.
@m0L3ify3 жыл бұрын
@@rougirmore ♥
@latessaspiers26954 жыл бұрын
Yes - "I release you" means I am really freeing my own self ! Truth!
@SurvivingNarcissism4 жыл бұрын
You get it! Dr. C
@mariasartzis-pellicier1723 Жыл бұрын
It took, UNfortunately 2 years AFTER leaving my husband to say "I release you, Oscar" I honestly do not know how I came to say that to him. Much to my surprise, it worked. Not too long after that, him and I went fully no contact, and I am very grateful.
@sduskybutterflyk37204 жыл бұрын
"I release you." Such powerful words! Relief, freedom.
@Catherine_Kate4 жыл бұрын
*” I am a free person. I am going to be fully me. I release you.”*
@Jess1cah4 жыл бұрын
Two years with a narcissist. I was recently diagnosed with cancer and I think this was when I realized how little he cared. These responses... it’s exactly what I do. I’m clinging to the hope that if I work harder or tip toe more delicately or if I can explain it in a way he might understand ... he will change. This was eye opening. Thank you for reminding me I’m 1) not crazy 2) not alone. ❤️
@2010cmarie2 жыл бұрын
I pray that you are ok now.
@MeghanNystrom Жыл бұрын
@@2010cmarie same
@jackilynpyzocha6628 ай бұрын
You deserve to live in peace! Don't walk on eggshells. He's not worth the trouble.
@Jess1cah8 ай бұрын
@@jackilynpyzocha662 I’m happy to report that I escaped my horribly abusive spouse and I’m rebuilding my life - I work a lot but I’m happy and I’m doing it all on my own. Proud of myself. There is life beyond that hell. I’m living proof. ❤️
@Jess1cah8 ай бұрын
@@2010cmarie thank you! I am! I got away from my narcissist and I’m in remission from cancer! 💪
@terryplatt83404 жыл бұрын
Should be ten million likes. To everyone who has fit the criteria of narcissism in my life, I release you, and expect nothing from you!
@kayb68033 жыл бұрын
Dr. Carter, you out here saving lives and repairing souls! You can tell that you feel deeply about this because you say things from your whole chest meaning your whole heart. The beam is from your heart into others as you speak. That's the power of a real true healer even if you didn't have a bunch of letters after your name!
@SurvivingNarcissism3 жыл бұрын
Thanks so much, Kay! Dr. C
@lynnemarylou7611 Жыл бұрын
100-percent agree 💕
@luisparra85304 жыл бұрын
She just got served her released AKA divorce papers this past Friday. 15 years of buying the peace at any price, pleading, explaining the logic behind my reasoning, all for naught. It is released time, thank you dr. Carter for shedding so much light on so much darkness.
@jasonberry76874 жыл бұрын
Yey, live a happy life now
@sherrydrake49734 жыл бұрын
I hope you find the happiness you deserve.
@m0L3ify4 жыл бұрын
Haha "release papers" that's awesome! I wish you all the happiness in the world once it's over!
@katherinehedrick91084 жыл бұрын
Thank you for your wise words. When you said "I want you to have a good life" I nearly started crying. No one has ever said that to me before. It was wonderful to hear. I look forward to leaving my narcissistic family & all of the trauma they've caused behind me forever. 😔 💔
@SurvivingNarcissism4 жыл бұрын
So pleased for these comments, Katherine. Dr. C
@katherinehedrick91084 жыл бұрын
@Aurora Nemesis I hope you begin living the beautiful life you deserve. Keep growing forward.. I'm going to do the same. 🦋🌺❤
@laurabarber66974 жыл бұрын
Yeah I felt that one too! Well let me say it to you, I want you to have a truly wonderful life!
@katherinehedrick91084 жыл бұрын
@@laurabarber6697 Thank you for your caring words Laura. I genuinely hope your kindness blesses your life also. 😇❤
@soulprospers41103 жыл бұрын
I also want you to have a good life- full of dreams coming true and power and purpose and destiny😘
@jillianarnold4414 жыл бұрын
You're so right. Once you kill the hope that they can become this or that, it's a freedom that eventually puts you in a place where no matter what they say...IT HAS NO EFFECT ON YOU. The " I release you " strategy...magic.
@Camax1112 жыл бұрын
I've been seeing all your videos for a while now, I'm stunned by the epiphany of continuous discovery about myself and the people around me. I feel so relieved since I'm understanding/questioning so much at such high pace. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.
@SurvivingNarcissism2 жыл бұрын
You're quite welcome.
@funlovinbloke62664 жыл бұрын
That is a very interesting subject, especially when it is the other way. You, 'the victim" releases the narcissist. That's what I did and my covert narcissist ex partner didn't like that of course. She lost control of the situation. Frankly, I honestly don't think she even cared, because she hasn't got empathy skills to deal with such feelings and situations. My advice, take your losses if that's part of ending it, accept that it is over, don't expect any excuses or apologies from the narcissist, close the door behind you, start healing and living again.
@venusrising65544 жыл бұрын
Good for you. Be happy.
@joyceandrews80944 жыл бұрын
Her response is to be expected. The releasing is for you, so that you aren't standing there waiting for her to hear and respond appropriately to you, so that you have passed her hot potato back to her.
@fantaclaus70534 жыл бұрын
Fun Lovin Bloke ....Exactly, no empathy. They will throw you under the bus, abandon you in times of trouble and they really have no grasp as to why someone would show compassion. With them, it's all about their self image and it's all mental, no heart. Really liberating when you realize it's a waste of time to try and argue with them. It's all about black and white, win or lose, control and asserting their own superiority. I laugh because I am a retired Canadian civil engineer and she was just a housewife and worked various jobs. Yet, she thinks she's superior. Her need for control and power is a sickness that comes from an unhappy childhood. An angry person within. Works hard to keep it under wraps.
@rickie51504 жыл бұрын
It's an eye opener to realize the type of person we let in to our lives. Time heals and with the invaluable knowledge you now have... the future should look a little brighter. Hopefully you don't have any things of permanence tied to this person. For some, the cost of that knowledge comes too late and can leave a good person devastated in so many ways. I'm glad you survived... Life will get better !!!
@davidslocum95364 жыл бұрын
Your tomorrow will be much better than your yesterday!
@ishouldbesleeping13544 жыл бұрын
The VERY END you said, “ I release ME”. WOW, THAT’S the ticket! That’s WISDOM and LOVE from on High.
@sandram69134 жыл бұрын
Such a great message. After 20 years (we have kids) I've gone through many stages of growth and I am at this point to release him. This has given me my strength and joy back. Now, everything goes my way. I have a new vibrance and love of life. And this helps the kids. Thank you!!!
@Wombler151 Жыл бұрын
So very hard to give up that hope especially when children are involved. Not only enduring abuse but also seeing your children endure it is so horrible. I thank you again for the videos...they are helping a great deal.
@DeborahLArmstrong4 жыл бұрын
Before I came to a place of acceptance, I tried everything to get through to Hollow Man. I tried reasoning, I tried explaining logically, I worked hard to be as clear as I could be in my communication. I tried emailing him when verbal communication didn't work. Eventually, I broke down and started screaming at him and became abusive myself. None of it worked. It was like bashing myself against a brick wall. I finally reached the deep understanding that he was never going to change, and nothing I did was going to make a difference. That was difficult to accept, but once I gave up the last of my hope, I did feel a kind of inner peace. I no longer try to get through to him. I am quietly and covertly working on my exit plan.
@venusrising65544 жыл бұрын
I remember the same fruitless journey and came to the same conclusion. Congratulations ! You will be much happier.
@DeborahLArmstrong4 жыл бұрын
@@venusrising6554 I really look forward to just being alone!
@kathyt.88224 жыл бұрын
When I read what you have put here I have done it all too...it amazing how all of them seem to have the same m.o
@jennifermalky52654 жыл бұрын
Deborah Armstrong I agree with Venus rising - U will Be MUCH happier! I finally made my exit for good. There is a peaceful solitude that comes with the immediate freedom from being someone’s supply. Just be swift, under-the-radar & don’t breathe a word to the narc. Wishing u the best in your return to self. Enjoy the reunion! You deserve it. Personally, I have never slept more soundly.
@kekepagele81354 жыл бұрын
Good for you. Be careful because people like this will go to extreme lengths to stop you from leaving and be prepared for the possible sabotage and smear campaign.
@susheila11104 жыл бұрын
33 years of being married to a narcissist and I really needed this. Thank you 🙏
@jennyanderson47962 жыл бұрын
Pray this daily : I release you & won't stay tethered. & kept from my higher priorities of peace & goodness ......Amen. 🙏
@annegalloway88672 жыл бұрын
I’ll listen to this one over and over . Like so many others
@SurvivingNarcissism2 жыл бұрын
This is one of my favorites.
@Kate987554 жыл бұрын
Tonight my narcissist said when I came in to talk i looked defiant, I said i am an adult who came in to talk, you can label me defiant, but I can’t be defiant to you, you’re not my parent or my boss, you’re have no power over me, so I’m not defiant or rebeling against you, I’m an adult who disagrees with a situation. One little step at a time
@user-uh5fc3rd9e4 жыл бұрын
Years ago I resigned from my job to get away from the constant manipulations and character assassinations from a covert sycophant narcissist and his overt narcissist friend. Before resigning I remained professional yet my blood pressure had risen to dangerous levels. After leaving, my BP returned to healthy levels. I went completely no contact ignoring their attempts to reconnect. Every now and then I still get angry and have to reconnect with my values separate from the pathetic world they still live in. I know time will heal but the scars remain.
@probablynot13684 жыл бұрын
Thank you for your comment. I, too, resigned from my job to get away from my boss. After discovering this channel, I realized that I had been working with an overt narcissistic boss. I enjoyed my job; however, the emotional blow-ups, the blaming, the put-downs became so overwhelming that I couldn’t relax over the weekend, and dreaded Monday mornings. My health was suffering. It took me nearly 2 weeks after I quit to finally relax and enjoy daily life again. I am thankful for Dr. C’s videos, as it now helps me manage my dignity and emotions as I deal with my next door Neighbor From Hell, whom we met when we recently moved into our new house.
@user-uh5fc3rd9e4 жыл бұрын
@@probablynot1368 Thank you as well. Dr. Carter's videos are definitely helping my self-esteem. I 'm learning that I took the high road despite their ugliness. This experience taught me that no job or position is worth losing your health and self-esteem over. My family is more important.
@marierose67924 жыл бұрын
@@user-uh5fc3rd9e Hi, I heard an amazing statistic, many years ago that always surprised me. Most heart attacks in men happen on a Monday morning. Our neighbour had one at that time so it really struck home. You did the right thing.
@stacymurphy25994 жыл бұрын
The scars do remain.
@angelmaden15594 жыл бұрын
I was managing a covert N. It was a nightmare of lies. Resigned. Am rebuilding. It’s a process. Took a pay cut but no job is worth your peace or health. Much much happier.
@lightningbolt28324 жыл бұрын
Wow I love the peace “I release you” brings. Thanks!
@jeremygibbins50863 жыл бұрын
Best advice I ever got. All of a sudden she wants to work it out and "change " after 22 yrs. Because I took this advice, and went as far as to tell her that is how I feel. I don't believe she can change, just another act. Thank you for all your advice, it really helped me move on and focus on working on me.
@nelumbonucifera1484 жыл бұрын
Trying to maintain or mend a toxic relationship with a Narc is certainly not worth our time or energy. They don’t have healthy relationship goals and we pay the price with our peace and sanity. ‘I release you’ is a mantra I will be using henceforth. Thank you, Dr Carter😊🙏🏼
@denises18684 жыл бұрын
I have tried for 40 years. Almost cost me my life. I have released him finally. He is on his own journey. And I love the person I have become.
@nelumbonucifera1484 жыл бұрын
Denise S, sorry for what you lost. Mine was a 27 year battle with a Narc husband. Physically, I have been free from him for 3 years. But he’s still lurking there mentally and emotionally. Time to release him from there. All the best to you, dear!
@venusrising65544 жыл бұрын
@Nelumbo Nucifera- Denise S - Mine was 40 years. Congratulations! You'll be happier.
@jackierobinson87854 жыл бұрын
I'm like an old wandering spirit caught between the world of the living but not yet dead. And that life long struggle l have had with my unfinished business still stands before me. It remains immovable as I am to its hellish bondage. I have said my piece but felt no peace. What has been lacking was me saying the words...I release you! I release you to your fate as I release me to mine.
@nishiramkhelawan86224 жыл бұрын
I release you for you are no longer my sky. No longer will I tremble and cower beneath the brewing storm of your thundering insults, blaming & shaming of my tender heart. I release you cos now, I am now my only sky.
@sherrymace86323 жыл бұрын
I love your videos ! I divorced my narcissist however I still deal with the legacy he left behind in our boys. They often exclude me and invalidate me. I thought as I age I’d move closer to my sons but I actually don’t think that would be healthy for me. There are so many people who cherish my love and friendship I’ll take a less traditional course. I’m so over it! I release myself!
@SurvivingNarcissism3 жыл бұрын
Having kids as collateral damage is the most difficult aspect of divorce, especially when you know it could have been averted. Dr. C
@G.G.8GG4 жыл бұрын
Wow. By the end of this one the tears were welling up. This goes beyond dealing with the narcissist and promotes the agenda of the soul. Feeling gratitude, Dr. Carter.
@SurvivingNarcissism4 жыл бұрын
So pleased. Thanks, Esther. Dr. C
@spongebobsqueeze4 жыл бұрын
My standard response is “Im sorry you feel that way.”
@SurvivingNarcissism4 жыл бұрын
Same concept. Dr. C
@Zarathustran4 жыл бұрын
Interesting and totally valid as it’s about the best one can do with one of them. Have you noticed if you ever get any sort of pseudo-apology from a narcissist it’s some very near equivalent to this? It’s polite to express regret or sorrow like that, and of course a narcissist counts on exceptions being made and living in the gray area. Extending that polite courtesy is offering them the exception of still hearing something apologetic. Took me quite a while to refine that into “that’s unfortunate” or “sucks doesn’t it” LOL but now I don’t even pretend to apologize to someone for their lack of reason anymore. That said, of course I didn’t have that even close to figured out until a good while after it would have been most useful and I was well into not often finding myself in these kinds of conversations anymore. I released them....ran and even covered my tracks too, but I didn’t understand what I was seeing in terms of somebody thinking so completely differently than I do (since they pretend that they don’t) and I made or accepted rational excuses for the irrational .... and was ultimately hooverable. When it’s your family of origin and that leftover childhood survival strategy that allows you to think “they love you but just aren’t great at showing it” or they “love you as much as anyone can after the trouble you’ve been” is still in place all you’ve done is release a monster that can still get you back. Monsters don’t need masks with kids who still hold out hope their parents only looked like monsters lots of times. I left home at 13 (boarding school) and thank God, but at 46 when my dad died I was still asking myself stuff like if he was never gonna let me win (have his approval) why didn’t he just tell me as much and leave me to it during any of six estrangements that lasted longer than a year (the last 3-4 of which were my decision). Nobody asks themselves if I was so awful why he kept bringing me back, so I guess they actually believed he was some long-suffering model dad and aren’t the ones who’d see his cruelty in treating me explicitly differently from my halfbrother in his will. In such a situation one hasn’t even necessarily begun to accept it for oneself before finding seven or eight times as many photos of him with his other son in unrecognized places boxed up (what is it with narcissists and pictures I swear to God it’s gotta be their workaround for absent object permanence and constancy) because without being informed about NPD (and in the presence of the NPD’s and everybody else’s satisfaction by all imaginable excuses) a person can actually still manage to try believing something less than completely horrible about their parent. I was going to make a peaceful memory as a matter of fact I had already reached a peaceful perspective on the experience of surviving my father. Knowing he’d treated a son badly enough to maybe suspect drove me to the detached ability to do that would absolutely be the petty sort of thing an abuser would not want to let a target have, so whether or not he had that much insight it pretty well cinches what he was. The only good thing that can come out of some POS making a clean getaway and needing you to know they’ve committed the perfect crime against you is a very late explanation for why you already know the others are whack anyway. But at least I have some perspective on the past and can stop walking into endless betrayals for stupidly wanting a family that’s always been the most treacherous place to be the safest. I’m damn sure the only one sorry I feel this way, so I’m not about to mince words for their benefit.... Scapegoat has quit, and where there is indignity behind appearing dignified I release those motherfuckers to it😉😳
@interestinglyenough76013 жыл бұрын
... but typically “I’m sorry you feel that way” is a classic response from a narcissist who does not at all care how you feel and is never “sorry”.
@lifewithapurpose2373 жыл бұрын
should probably be 'too bad you feel that way' why should we be sorry they're not ...
@Mystic_hermit4 жыл бұрын
He is teaching me how to talk myself out of the narc's vicious circle... Can't be anymore grateful. Thank you!
@chazellejohnson11783 жыл бұрын
I wish I could play this in my head randomly throughout the day. So powerful
@aviewer95163 жыл бұрын
This was a beautiful explanation of how to release someone and a great reminder that we are responsible for how we react. That we should never give up that power and ultimately lose trust in ourselves. I love, love, love your videos Dr. Carter. You are doing a great public service. Truly, you're a hero in my book.
@angelawade14452 жыл бұрын
Absolutely 💯
@MarlanWarren4 жыл бұрын
I will play this over and over until I have it all written down! These have been my solutions with the narcissists who were in my life. But you articulate it so beautifully. Thank you, Dr. Carter!
@kt76294 жыл бұрын
It truly is amazing advice!! I took down notes as well and I strongly agree with you that he articulates his points extremely well! Also, it is so rare to have this kind of incredible advice available to us for free, I am super grateful for this guy and that he dedicates his time to sharing this with us!
@catherinevolkova89964 жыл бұрын
" I release you" ---- words of gold.
@sergeantfury7854 күн бұрын
This is an EPIC moment in my search for myself. 33 years of marriage, but I still have to face up to what God has shown me.
@SurvivingNarcissism3 күн бұрын
So glad this one resonated. It's one of my favorite videos. Keep learning!!!
@jakeanant4 жыл бұрын
Damn I needed to hear this. Caught up in this with a narcissist right now.
@brudzool4 жыл бұрын
i wish id known all this 10 years ago. I'm sure a lot of people feel the same way.
@adisyoye4 жыл бұрын
I'm 26 and for my whole life, I was having fights and fights with my dad, trying to defend and to give reasoning to my thoughts unsuccessfully. My mom tried the same, she couldn't do it and left my dad 14 years ago. These all had a huge negative impact on our lives, our confidence, health, and self-love. Few days ago after another fight, another confronting my dad with so many truths he said - those are all lies - and after just another shaming, I've told him that he is a narcissist and I've given him a test to do to prove him that he really is. After he finished the test he told me that the test isn't really good and that they should have asked him for opinions before making it. Just imagine at what level he is. Somehow I finally ended up on your youtube channel and omg it's like a story about my dad. I've started with the oldest videos and will try to watch them all and I will try to have a completely different mindset for all future conversations. Thank you doctor Carter for giving away all these information for free
@jasnettaranelle11014 жыл бұрын
It’s unbelievable how textbook these individuals are. I’m in the midst of being discarded by my narcissistic partner of 10yrs. It’s so hard to look at myself in the mirror and know that I have let this person humiliate and degrade me for the past several months. Hoping I get the courage and strength to end it soon. Thank you for these videos. If they help one victim, they’re worth it. 😊
@barriwilloughby462 Жыл бұрын
THANK YOU Your words broke through the Hard Shell I have been wearing for so long Now I can Listen to this session over and over . Just heard what those words meant a lot to me I AM FREE to get better. I am so happy That after all these years finally found what I needed to hear that hit that right button in myself to be able to shed those toxic people that have been in my struggle of life. Realized I am going to be a better person for going through all of this. Sadly I also feel bad for them cause honestly the truly deep down don't have a clue or know any different. Not saying to excuse their behavior or the bad stuff we chose to endure due to the fact that Toxic people make Us feel guilty for just being alive in their world. I Thank U
@goldilocks35934 жыл бұрын
Brilliant. They can’t change. Release them to their world. And take our power back to our own. Cheers!
@annieroserise4 жыл бұрын
I had just this revelation a couple of days ago. I was living in a mental and emotional hell dictated by the narc in my life and the. I just chose to release myself. I don’t have to take his calls, I don’t have to respond, I don’t have to defend myself, I don’t have to live the drama. I can concentrate on my own good life. Seeing this video feels like an angel has reached out and guided me to you. I have been looking for the path to freedom and I hope I can get there once and for all. Thank you
@lorrainenicoletti62322 жыл бұрын
Thank you as always Dr C🙏🏻 The true freedom ,awareness , no more binds that tie me to these family sick , “I Release you from .....” I am taking this , you are Dr C , a true ANGEL , caring and wise , a Healer Thank you
@SurvivingNarcissism2 жыл бұрын
Thank you, Lorraine. Peace.
@ruthg82694 жыл бұрын
Wow. Dr. Carter, everything you mentioned with a narcissistic abusive husband and the ways I tried to respond to him, ineffectively, were 100% exactly how it was. I left him as he was violent, no contact was my only hope. But learning the I release you concept is amazing. I’m glad I heard this. Thank you so very much.
@SurvivingNarcissism4 жыл бұрын
Thanks, Ruth. So pleased! Dr. C
@classydahlia39334 жыл бұрын
I am so thankful to have found this community of narc survivors. I was discarded on April 23rd..realizing through your videos that I have a problem as an empath. He is a true narc and I never realized this was such a widespread thing! These videos have literally saved me. Thank you Dr. Carter and Laura
@SurvivingNarcissism4 жыл бұрын
So pleased you are on board with us! Dr. C
@venusrising65544 жыл бұрын
I'm an Empath as well and just went through the same thing. Believe me, you are a better person than they ever could be. Put them in the rear view and go forward. There are many good people. The best revenge is to forget them and live well. Good Luck.
@leeannalynn554 жыл бұрын
hey nanc, i got the final discard in feb. i'm still trying to move on but once i realized the guy was a covert narc and that everything wasn't my fault, i was able to find some peace with the situation. not total peace. i still think about the situation all the time. but each day it gets a little better. watching the videos on this channel has also been beneficial. try looking up support forum for narcissistic abuse on reddit. also helpful to read the stories there
@martyminer8284 жыл бұрын
@@venusrising6554 The BEST revenge is FREEING yourself,,,,AND,,,moving on into a HEALTHY, LOVING RELATIONSHIP AND BEING HAPPY! NARCS HATE THAT! SO, SMILE! 😉
@classydahlia39334 жыл бұрын
@@venusrising6554 Thank you Venus
@lynnramos96634 жыл бұрын
Dr. Carter you ARE such a blessing , THANK YOU , THANK YOU , THANK YOU THANK YOU ❤
@DeniseMeissner4 жыл бұрын
Truly a blessing ❣️ And this is one the most important techniques he has explained
@kt76294 жыл бұрын
@@DeniseMeissner such a blessing!!
@a.phillips68923 жыл бұрын
I so easily forget that I am in control of my own life and who I invite to be a part of it!
@rockarawatkins11534 жыл бұрын
Thank you. Ive been living the "i Release you" for several years just from personal maturity. But, wow, through your videos i see now how much of a narcissist my husband of 30 years is. Also, how low my self esteem was just to be with him.
@rodneyrowell2284 жыл бұрын
I love the idea of releasing the narcissist and releasing myself. As a recovering codependent, I neet to give myself permission to not let the narc's opinion be a determining factor in what I believe and how I behave/react. I have been trying to figure out how to cut the truama bond between myself and the narc and it turns out that I am the one holding the key! So, powerful. I took detailed notes on this video and am establishing today as the day I released the narc so I can begin my life anew to realize my full potential. Thank you Dr. Carter. Your videos have saved my sanity and my life!
@januarybaby4 жыл бұрын
How did you seperate your feelings of who you thought they were and who they actually are? That's where I'm stuck. I need to realize I dont actually know this person.
@rodneyrowell2284 жыл бұрын
@@januarybaby I left and went no contact. This is a long ongoing process. I continue to educate myself about narcs and journal about abusive experiences. I allow myself to feel the feelings and write about those also. I realised that the narcissism is not my fault bc it stems from unresolved trauma in the narcs life. The narc is in a tremendous amount of internal pain that we can do nothing about. This is not an excuse for how the narcs abuses us, but allows me to be somewhat empathetic that they will never be happy or healed. For me it makes it a little bit easier to forgive and release. This is allowing me the freedom to heal. We have to admit that this happened to us and that we are responsible for our own healing. It is challening and confusing, but focus on finding your true self. I hope this helps.
@januarybaby4 жыл бұрын
@@rodneyrowell228 wow yes thanks🥰
@flash_flood_area4 жыл бұрын
Simple. Freeing. In fact, the phrase feels like something one would say in order to cast out or dispell an unwanted spirit. That said, I'm dismayed when commenters on NPD related videos refer to narcissists as "demons". They're not. They are damaged human beings. Usually, they are our relatives. This phrase, "I release you", is especially good because it is so neutral. It casts no blame. It allows for compassion. It allows empathy for the narcissist, who really is a damaged soul. The phrase allows us to retain our compassionate selves, but permits us to detach. It's all about distance, letting go, and self care. It gives us a healthy tool for survival, especially helpful for those who tend to stay trapped in codependency with an abusive narcissist.
@iownadodge70814 жыл бұрын
flashfloodarea3, I hear you re. other commenters on Narcissist Personality Disorder (NPD) videos referring to narcissists as ‘demons’, ‘pure evil’, etc. I think such simplistic labeling may be a coping mechanism mindset used by victims of narcissists, who are hurting. People who are 100% incapable of empathy towards others (narcissists) can and DO inflict totally unnecessary endless pain and suffering on their “loved ones”... which usually is exceptionally difficult and laborious to figure out, understand, learn about and either continue to deal with or (ideally) remove from one’s life. So, I can understand why victims of narcissists tend to see their Narcissist as an over simplified, one-word description. Having had Narcissist relatives, partner and friends (before having access to all these highly educational and helpful NPD videos), I can say with confidence: It is far healthier to view the Narcissist as the cause of all that is bad, rather than to have empathy for them, while enduring the Narcissist ‘s reign of insidious destruction/gaslighting/control/abuse. Only until AFTER a victim of narcissistic abuse has fully recovered from the narcissists’ abuse, can we afford the luxury of having empathy towards the abuser. Just because one may have a narcissist for a relative does NOT mean one must or should have empathy for them! We must, first and foremost, take care of ourself and clear out a Narc-free safe space for ourself to recover. Only until after we have done this should we be considering the humanness of our narcissist, a.k.a. our Narcissistic Abuser. Thats IMHO, mind you. Take care
@flash_flood_area4 жыл бұрын
@@iownadodge7081 You're right, no one "should". I agree with all you say. I wouldn't be here if I wasn't a victim of decades of narcissist abuse. It has destroyed good sized chunks of my life, and left lasting damage that I wrestle with today. That said, I think part of my concern is the well known phenomenon where victims of narcissist abuse develop "fleas"; as in how we learn and adopt narcissistic traits and behaviors ourselves, after years of exposure. If victims of NPD truly believe their abusers are demons, I think we risk letting ourselves off the hook for any self reflection. I, myself, could easily spend days discussing the worst traits of my abusers. What is much harder is the painful work of honest self examination, which leads me to realize that, while I may be an empath at heart, I have picked up some ugly fleas that I must work to eradicate. Looking back over my family history, I can see that while my older sibling, and worst abuser, has a very serious case of NPD, my parents were very codependent and my dad had a milder form of narcissism. Was he a demon? Hardly. However, looking farther back, I have heard that his mother was pretty awful. Makes me wonder, who abused her? My point is that a lot of these traits are learned, or passed on in families; and I think most people on these threads would benefit themselves, their own children, and anyone else around them, if they look honestly at what fleas they might have picked up. My worry is that viewing those with NPD as literal demons will make it harder for anyone to admit, even to themselves, that they could have developed some narcissistic traits, and might need to do some serious work in order to eradicate them. I have been trying to share my journey with my young adult children, whose other parent has a major case of covert NPD; but, in doing so, I have to admit to my children the that there are some behaviors of my own that I'm not proud of, and want to eliminate. I am doing this to improve my behavior, and reclaim who I feel I really am at heart; but ALSO, to help my children heal and to recognize the reality of this disorder early on in their lives. I wish I had learned about NPD decades ago. That knowledge might have saved me an enormous amount of grief, and I could have started the work on eradicating these fleas back then, as well.
@weneedmoreconsideratepeopl40064 жыл бұрын
@@flash_flood_area If you don't mind, is it okay to contact you for advice on dealing with specific situations regarding narcs too? I'm in a relationship with one right now and while I empathize with what my partner is going through (he's had a rough family life and he constantly blames himself for not being able to receive love that sometimes it gets projected onto me), it feels like I have to limit myself because he twists my words sometimes. The emotional baggage I carry doesn't help too I admit, but sometimes whenever I'm the one craving for reassurance from him just like how I offer to him... it's not being reciprocated in the same way and that makes me upset. And for some reason, it seems like he doesn't see that or he doesn't care. Even when he says, "I love you" .. it doesn't show on his actions that he does. And when I question him about it, he says that I don't trust him enough. Whenever I unknowingly trigger one of his insecurities, he lashes out on me and acts like a vindinctive child. And I'm not sure how to respond to him accordingly because he might say I'm crazy again or that I deserve it if I make it clear that I'm upset. That all he's doing is just toughening me up so I shouldn't take it personally... I came up with several options on how to deal with it, but what I'm worried about is his reaction. Because we go to the same campus and we will see each other a lot... I'm kinda ashamed to say that I care about how people will see us or judge us. But yeah. As his partner I feel responsible of what impact I'll have on him and want to make myself clear. But at the same time I'm worried that me explaining things (about myself and my interpretation of his actions) will make him feel like he doesn't need to explain his part... I feel alone in this relationship and he probably does too because I've been becoming distant over the neglect and projection. I feel like I should apologize and explain but.. I'm always the one apologizing and explaining that I'm worried it might become a pattern... I feel like I'm setting myself on fire just to keep him warm. I jusy don't know anymore and I've been looking for advice where I can but most advice are from bitter people and I don't want to treat him like a demon to just be avoided. But at the same time, I'm worried about myself too...
@sharonruiz28234 жыл бұрын
I get what your saying......been there done that. But what I have learned is that....I can't control him or the situation, I can only control me!!! Release him set boundaries and take care of you!!! It will be ok, and you will feel so much better!! God bless you!
@flash_flood_area4 жыл бұрын
@@weneedmoreconsideratepeopl4006 I don't know how you would contact me. However, I will say that the relationship you are describing doesn't sound healthy for you. I have spent way too much of my life tip toeing around someone else's feelings. I don't recommend it. What a waste of so many years. When I look back over three major, long term relationships, I see enormous amounts of time spent treading carefully around the other person's fragile, wounded ego. I still feel great empathy for the fragile, wounded person; but I wish I hadn't felt responsible to give up so much of myself just to protect their feelings and inadequacies. Does your campus provide counseling, or can you get counseling in your community? You may qualify for free or low cost counseling. Also, if cost is an issue, there are online groups and blogs that can be helpful. Maybe join a group on reddit for codependency? I suggest watching all the videos you can, on codependency. There are good books to read too, if you can get them. I'm happy to chat, but I'm no expert.
@Marie-tq9wx4 жыл бұрын
Good words to hear. I didn't know I was married to a narcissist and now he is freaking out cause he can no longer control & manipulate me. Thank you for confirming.
@pinardemircan17493 ай бұрын
I said, just forget me to be more healthy..and shared that I have peace without negativity
@estellaf40724 жыл бұрын
This unlocked a part of my emotional brain. The reset button was pushed. Thank for supplying the words. Thank you. 🙏🏽
@kastalisk4 жыл бұрын
"If I just...talk, walk, crawl, ask, speak, act, think differently and accept the persons why of being. Or if I change myself...perhaps then we will be able to communicate or have a good relationship or understand eachother" Thank you for this video, it gave me the answer I have been looking for about 25-30 years.
@izawaniek2568 Жыл бұрын
I release you narcisists and toxic enablers. I choose to live life in peace and serenity. Thank you for your kind and loving heart. ❤God bless you dr Carter❤
@melanieberlier84874 жыл бұрын
This is great! I release you is a good way to embrace what others term as forgiveness that is often misunderstood. Let them go! Let the relationship go! Freedom!
@speakingout97403 жыл бұрын
Thank you Dr. C. Thinking of those words, “I Release You” as I interact with the narcissist will be like cutting the ball and chain. I like that!!! That feeling will provide my emotions with a sense of freedom. THANK YOU Dr. C.!!!
@arkansastrey96944 жыл бұрын
Seems like "suppression " ends up being the most dangerous way of dealing with your anger.
@selecttravelvacations74722 жыл бұрын
I heard someone recently say (para), learning how they think, and spending your energy silently analyzing and even anticipating their behaviors actually makes you less likely to be emotionally reactive to them. You are too busy anticipating their obvious next narc move, or phrase ..such as dehumanizing phrases when you don’t give them the fix they need from you. I have found this idea very helpful to me personally in a recent situation. You not getting hurt and upset is what drives them mad.
@fifinafan63542 жыл бұрын
I release myself from you, I release you. What a profound statement. Thank you, Dr.
@JessicaJLandi2 жыл бұрын
It can feel like a roller coaster detaching from a toxic person. Just when I'm feeling better and peaceful they contact me and I'm filled with dread. I want clean living with healthy boundaries. I release them!
@bencracknell64994 жыл бұрын
My little boys mum is a vicious narcissist and thanks to you and your videos, I've come to realise that I can't change her but I can change how I handle her and you have helped me no end with not allowing her to affect my mental health. Its still a week by week struggle but it is becoming easier, thank you.
@kayskeete61254 жыл бұрын
This is truly a blessing. The release is difficult at first but becomes easier and easier until you mean it truly from your soul, no strings attached. Most important is releasing yourself. For me it's letting go so I can be my better self.
@kelliecole82354 жыл бұрын
The only thing I'm not going to release my self from is you! You're stuck with me and you have your self to blame for that!! You are so, I know I say this word a lot, but darn, you are AWESOME!!! God Bless!!
@rebeldaddy65893 жыл бұрын
The narcissists paradigm: "I will prove my superiority by bringing everyone else down to my level". Just release them (and thereby yourself) instead.