This makes me so happy you have no idea. 90% of the time I upload videos thinking "I hope this makes sense and helps someone" and the other 10% I KNOW it doesn't make sense but I'm on a self imposed deadline and I gotta hit the upload button anyway. We're not machines. We built machines to make our world easier, but someone higher up decided that it was better to squeeze more money out of the meatbags than let them have more off days. What a backwards way of going about it.

I remember an interview I saw with Bo Burnham where he was asked was sort of advice he'd have for people trying to make it into the entertainment industry and he literally said "don't". He claims everything he has is due to being in the right place at the right time. Sheer luck. Robbie Williams once said if there was any fairness in this world he would be drunk singing karaoke in a pub somewhere, but instead he sold out shows. Luck is definitely part of it. But I'd also argue the "being in the right place" portion of it is absolutely under your control.

@@LifeByJack "But I'd also argue the "being in the right place" portion of it is absolutely under your control." I agree to that, though these small doors to opportunity is also where the action vs coincidence matter becomes murky. Try your best, but only as long as you enjoy it.

@@deltapi8859 Yes exactly. You can control "being in the right place" but then even having any sort of result from it is entirely up to the Universe. And the Universe is a fickle master.

I agree with everything here yes. First off sleep is absolutely underrated as a driver for productivity and mental health and people don't really wanna understand it. I get why, but it's still necessary. And also yes, people who are predisposed to be "good" at something (by means of already knowing a bit about it before) will 100% outperform their peers. Which in turn can direct and focus your life in ways you never saw coming.

This is the perfect example as to why these things work and why. I'm so glad to hear you've got systems in place already. That's gonna carry you a long long way! 🫶🏻

Oh man yeah I'm super sorry. Single parent with adhd and a full time job is never easy. I hope you find some way to carve out time for yourself cause burning out is not gonna help your kid either ☹️

The apps are super weird but this kinda reinforces the idea that physicality has SOMETHING to do with matching but not A LOT. Like most people, women in particular, will read your red flags and politics and taste in music in zero seconds flat. That's what matters. You could have the chiselest jaw in the world, if they think you look unsafe they'll swipe right. We need to put less emphasis on looks, specially our own looks, cause everyone is attractive to different people in a different way.

I find the concept of Chads really counterproductive. There is this imaginary man out there with muscles and good looks and money that we're all competing against. But since he's in our heads he's 100% unbeatable and unfair. So we self sabotage ourselves because WHY TRY if Chad is out there. Except he's not. He doesn't exist. Most people coast on self confidence and taking a shower tbh. And if we're being honest THAT'S pretty attainable.

iono man, when the bar is on the floor and we can't clear it, I think it's a little justified to blame us. I know everybody does shitty things on both sides of the spectrum, but I am addressing what men can do to improve it cause I'm not gonna tell women what to do. I know better 😁

It really messes up with your self image and your sense of self worth it's insane. You gotta steel yourself before you even dive in there. Thank you so much!

OMG it's a match 😘

I'm AB testing thumbnails, so which one did you get? I'm guessing the one that says "NO MATCHES??" 😁 I traded in the world's smallest violin for a heavy metal band that screams "WHO CARES! YOU CAN DO WHATEVER YOU WANT NOW!" instead. Great value! Highly recommend.

OMG what am I doing next week? I can't handle the pressure 😂

Thank you so much! I hope it helps dispel some of the bad feelings dating apps generate... 🙏🏼

Hahaha yeah I getchu! I'm kinda the same to an extent. I get too comfortable in my own silence and my own space and I need to force myself to see other human beings. Takes me a while to recharge and do it again though.

This is good, all of this is really good. Part of living alone is finding those strategies and triggers to motivate yourself. So like if no one is keeping you accountable for - i dunno - cleaning your place, then you could find a way to make it important FOR YOU so you can clean it up for YOU. When I got divorced I went to Bilbao as sort of a "rediscovering myself" trip. The only thing I planned was a long hike to a small hermitage in the middle of the sea. But I found myself not knowing what to do or who to talk to for the next few days, so I get where you're coming from. But you know what? That's great, cause that's taught you that next time you can plan just 1% better and you'll be much more fulfilled. Cheers!

That's awesome to hear actually. I know it's hard for me sometimes to recognize that I've come a long way and things are ok. So "doing good" is goals quite frankly 🫶🏻

Last name is basque, I'm actually Ecuadorian, but I live in France. It's a whole thing :)

@@LifeByJack My last name is Jauregui and I’m American and Mexican, I just noticed from ending, cool vid

Jauregui! Yeah I knew a few of your cousins back in Ecuador believe you me. Thanks for watching man! Saludos por alla

Also this video came out great.

I did like 15 takes of that to get it right 😁😁😁 Thank you so much for still being here watching these ramblings. It really means a lot 😊

Yeah stimming is incredibly important for neurotypical people, and communal spaces aren't really made for us.

This was really nice to read man. Thank you so much for taking the time to leave a comment. It's hard to live by yourself at first, but if you reframe WHY you do things and WHY you enjoy things and remember that it's mostly to entertain and advance YOU, then it gets easier. Much love to the doggy.

Omg yes. It's impressive how the usual "I'm a person who has trouble deciding" sort of disappears when you're the only one you're making decisions for.

That sounds stressful. Is there nothing you can anchor to that feels real and true?

Hey if it helps you're so very welcome. It's really hard for people to understand how crippling this can be and how much it doesn't "happen to everyone else". Also the squirrel thing grates me as well. My culture is not their costume.

Thank you so much! This really helps cause goddess knows how much I second guess my own decisions thank you!

Ya ain't tripping! I did change it. Turns out saying "To Live Creatively" in conversation leads to very few people finding the channel via KZfaq search. So I changed it to something easier. Also helped by the fact that I DID start out talking about creativity and productivity in the face of executive dysfunction and anxiety (and will continue to do so), but then I ranted about male loneliness and I was like "that seems outside the scope" so I changed the scope :)

@LifeByJack makes sense. plus it's more concise too.

Yeah. Simple. Easy to say 😊

OMG I get you. I was put on Lexapro in 2011 and it...worked? Like it made me "normal" and I was able to function within society with a lot less friction. But...the voices in my head just kinda died out. Like all that creativity and random thoughts and ideas just went poof. So it seems that in your case what the meds did was they took out the urgency of situations and you're just...there. How DO we find the fuel to get to work? How can we hack our own brains to HELP us instead of HINDER us? Personally I'm still working on that question. Maybe I'll make a video about that to try and find an answer...

Thank you so much for coming back every week you have no idea how much I appreciate you. And yeah I mean I figure you of all people would enjoy that joke 😁

"...you gotta grow up and be your own mom. take yourself out, introduce yourself to others, take care of yourself and your home." I wanna print that and put it on my wall. You gotta be your own mom indeed. We are always taught that "boys will be boys" and what that means is "boys will not be held accountable for their actions because they're immature and cannot be held responsible for their actions". And the sort of men this is creating in today's world makes this world a little less enjoyable...and sometimes even dangerous. I don't know if I'm right but I do know something needs to change. One small step at a time.

"Societally masculine tendencies" is such a good way of putting it yes. I'm glad some of this resonated, cause yeah I was talking to men specifically but a lot of lonely people out there could probably relate as well. Comfort zones are easy to stay in. That's why they're comfortable. The world outside is scary as shit, but that's where LIVING is. Nobody has ever started a fun story by saying "So I was home by myself this one day and..." Community is so important. I hope you find your tribe 😊

Congratulations on living your truth and doing something about it man. I saw a TikTok recently where someone who transitioned to male talked about how it was such a shock to live as a man in society. Harder to make friends, harder to walk up to strangers and spark up a conversation, harder to get invited to things. And he was right. But we can sit here and say "everyone else is wrong" or we can do something about it. Changing and adapting to a world that doesn't call us first is ON US. We can do more. We should do more. Thank you so much for your words. They mean more than you can imagine.

@@LifeByJack glad I could encourage you, keep it up

Thanks man. I tried. I don't know if I covered everything I wanted to, but it's a good start I guess

I mean this is your problem right here mate. If you don't wanna become "this great guy" then that's on you. And it's specifically on you because you believe that you're doing his for the benefit of someone else. It's for you. BECOME a great guy. Be who you want to be by being interested in what the world has to offer. You're not gonna meet new people cooped up in your Tower. I should know. The world outside has so much to offer if you just open up and let it teach you. Happy to talk more if you need to.

@@LifeByJack I appreciate your replies and look forward to continuing our conversation. I don't want to become a great guy for me and that shouldn't prevent me from dating is all I'm saying. Thus far I've found that I don't like the world and would rather stay in my tower. I've heard all my life that "women are the same as men, they like sex just as much, they like video games just as much, they can be just as lonely, they can be just as isolative" and yet these women that I've been told are in my same boat only want to date "real/great men" that's a terrible double standard. I feel that I want a woman in part for lack of this self-actualization. If I were this self-actualized great guy then I would be busy grinding away at my purpose. I don't have my full thoughts on it figured but the thought I'm having is this: seems like a grid that's not making sense. neither self-actualized = single Not self-actualized man + self-actualized woman = single self-actualized man + not self-actualized woman = relationship both self-actualized = relationship this is bad, why is the man's level of self-actualization seemingly the only thing that matters to dating? Shouldn't it be that relationships can form in those first two levels? If not, why not? I can talk more about why I don't like the world and don't want to self-actualize but I worry that will go too far off topic and maybe make this too specifically about my idiosyncrasies rather then the broader trend we're discussing.

Oh nah. Companionship, love, relationships...they're not an algorithm. You can't just AND/OR/XOR your way through it and figure out that a relationship happens only when the mathematical planes align. Let me be a little blunt here: the reason why only the men's level of self-actualization matters is because normally they're the only party that HASN'T self-actualized. Sure it's a broad generalization but you've heard the phrase "women mature faster than men" yes? Well they don't, they're just forced to. So it's more normal for them to BE self-actualized and a full adult before any of us. Some women aren't great and some men aren't great and the fact that those non-great people aren't getting dates isn't a bug, it's a feature. That's your equality right there. Women DO like sex, and they ARE alone, and they DO play games, but the vibe you're giving off is "I want someone to perform a function" and not someone to share a space/life/pizza with. In short: stop wanting a gamer girl, start wanting to meet someone beyond what they do in the surface.

@@LifeByJack I don't mean to make it an algorithm, I'm just noticing a trend. So you're really saying women are more self-actualized then men at rates comparable to the level of sexlessness? I find that hard to believe on it's face and moreover that doesn't match with my experience. A totally unactualized girl could get a date with me or thousands of other guys as proven by their dating app experiences. What you're calling a feature isn't working cause I believe that not great women get dates and plenty of great men don't. It's not working out how you're describing man. What's making you think it is? How am I giving off that I want them to perform a function? From my perspective I'm saying: "I like these things and I hear that women like these things, so why am I finding it impossible to date these women that allegedly like and want the same things as me?" That doesn't mean I want some gamer girl or someone to perform a function, it means I'm not understanding why something everyone is telling me is right there is seemingly impossible to find. I'm all about emotional depth and philosophical conversations and deep connection, that's what I've always wanted. My frustration is that I don't have the opportunity to establish such connections for lack of interest from women. Mutual interests don't hurt either.

clearly your..". ugh" personality is the issue here. look inward and don't just lash out at someone for once.

@@Man-ej6uv how did I lash out?

Listen mate, your first comment here before you edited was "this is horseshit!" so yeah that's lashing out. That's being defensive. And that's FINE, that's part of living. Being emotionally disregulated by thing you consider a personal attack on you is normal, but also not something people are obligated to put up with. Asking "how did I lash out?" when you know what you did is called gaslighting, and coming back to your previous points, people can sniff that out from a mile away. So maybe that's something you need to work on. I know, because this used to be me. Things would feel like personal attacks and I would fight back against invisible enemies...threats that weren't even there. I was a lonely kid. I don't have any friends from high school. And one day I was at a wedding and someone from high school was there too, and we got to drinking and talking and reminiscing and I was a bit drunk and I complained about how "nobody liked me back in high school" Boohoo me right? And she said "well...you were an angry kid...people didn't know how to talk to you". Being vulnerable is more than just being sensitive.

@@LifeByJack I was defensive but I edited the comment before receiving any reply cause I saw that it was too harsh. Changing that before receiving a reply is not gaslighting dude. I'm not fighting invisible enemies, they're right there. When someone tries to speak into being that which you don't want, I feel you ought to argue against that. That's not an imaginary enemy. I can be vulnerable and don't struggle to make friends, I just don't enjoy being social. I'm there for people when they need to connect emotionally and self-disclose in kind, I'm not some terrible person. I'm just not some extrovert, alpha dude with big muscles and money and masculine frame and all that bullshit. I'm an individual person, in the feminist/progressive sense (though I'm not really a progressive politically, thought that's aside from the point). I'm comfortable with my masculine and feminine traits. Women don't seem to want that, not that they even know what I'm like cause they never bother to match with me or approach me in public. Everyone says I have to take responsibility for that, but wtf happened to equality all of a sudden!? Aside from that, I can't make friends with my real personality cause people believe in a buncha stuff that I just don't feel so I find friendships dissatisfying.

@@Man-ej6uv It's far too easy for you to make it my fault, you know nothing of my personality. It just has to be that men like me deserve to be single, right? It couldn't possibly be that things are unfair or that women are doing something wrong, right?

Yeah I get that, but let's be specific. What things do they not want to do with you? What are you setting up? Nobody is forced to like what you like. Who are these women you're inviting out? Where are you looking for them? If no woman wants to do something with you then you gotta ask yourself some questions - cause you can't go through life thinking "everyone else is wrong but me". Are you putting out bad vibes? Are you asking them to do things nobody in their right mind would want to do (like iono...going wasp nest bashing or whatever)? Hell, do you smell funny? Something's putting women off (by your own admittance) so let's figure out what that is and CHANGE that. That's the point. That's what self-actualizing means. If you find that what you WANT isn't coming to you because of something in YOUR CONTROL, then fix it. You don't have to change your entire self for the sake of other people, all you have to do is learn how to SELL IT better so it's not off putting from the get go.

@@LifeByJack I'm asking them to match with me on a dating app and then we can discuss doing anything either of us like. Firstly, I'd like to go to lunch or a movie or for a walk in a local park or something, a first date to get to know eachother. That shouldn't be too much to ask. The needing to sell it better doesn't make any sense to me and that's the source of my frustration on this topic. I want to date and have sex with women, they don't need to sell me on that. So then having to sell them on me feels like a ridiculous double standard. Moreover, this isn't just a me thing cause the rates of sexlessness and loneliness of men in my age group is enormous. I'm not saying I'm perfect by any means but one shouldn't have to be even near perfect to date. I should be able to match with lots of women of varying qualities and "play the field" so we can both get the experience we need to build that all-important lifelong commitment later. But currently I can't get any dates or experience so I can't improve in that area. I can improve in other areas, but I think a big part of my lack of motivation is lacking positive emotion and I find that the few times I have had a woman's interest my positive emotion and motivation are greatly increased. Basically, there's nothing so horrible about me or my dating app profile that should mean I get practically no matches. It should be that I have thousands of likes just like average women and we can all date and see what works. Know what I mean? Is that not frustrating? And then it's a negative feedback loop cause the more I see that women aren't interested in me the worse I feel about myself and the less I want to go out and be social (which I already hated doing).

Little side note here mate...do NOT pin your self-worth to dating apps. They are lying to you. I should make a video out of it. I'm on an app called FEELD, for example. I get 0 matches in it. A few weeks ago, I was having breakfast with one of my closest friends, and as we do we starting swiping on apps for a laugh. About 20 minutes later she comes across my profile. Now first of all, 20 minutes of swiping is INSANE. My profile is buried in there. Second, I tell her to "like" me so that I can see what happens. She does. I immediately get a notification. I can see her blurry profile in my "likes" tab. I don't pay for these things so I can't like her back, you get me? That was WEEKS ago. Since then I keep swiping on that app (still 0 matches) just to pass the time. I've ran out of people in my feed like 10 times. I wait a bit, I come back, new people have signed up apparently, I keep swiping. My friend lives 20 minutes, so it's not a range issue. I have yet to come across her profile. I've ran out of profiles and the one profile that supposedly liked me is nowhere to be seen. Cause they want me to pay for their PLUS service or whatever. They want my money. Dating apps are not there to help you get dates, they're there to get your credit card details. You know what I found works? Take a short trip to another city. Not only will it refresh your app, you might even meet new people to share a pizza with.

@@LifeByJack I get why I shouldn't but how can one constantly be rejected without thinking "gee it seems like they don't like me"? I hear this all the time, that "the apps are just out for money and they're keeping people lonely" but that doesn't make any sense based on how the apps work. Sure you're friend had to find you but I guarantee if you could see the data for how many views you're getting it's in the thousands, it's just that women almost never like profiles on dating apps. Have you seen the comparative like rates of men and women? They're astounding, I don't see what the apps are possibly doing to make women swipe left on 90+% of profiles. Seems more like a problem with them women to me. Going to another city would be pointless cause I want a steady relationship where I live. Sounds like passport bro tactics to me. There is no reason I shouldn't be able to match with a woman in my county of hundreds of thousands or state of millions of people, unless the women don't want to match. What am I missing here? Basically, do you think if the dating apps were fair and there were no algorithms or premium services that men would get hundreds of likes a day like women? It seems to me that no matter what algorithm they use, if women swiped like-crazy like men do (I've had times in the past of just swiping right on every single profile) it would be mathematically impossible for men to receive so few likes. I think it's something other then that.

♥️

Well yeah. Cause you're her special little boy

I honestly hope that's not the case but I'm really really sorry if it is. See the thing is that when you live in a community/family where things have to be done ONE WAY, and you make the decision to break the cycle and do your own thing...well, the people who did things the old way because they just didn't know you could do it differently will usually become jealous and blame YOU for doing the one thing they were told they couldn't do. It's misplaced rage. I'm so sorry.

@@LifeByJack Thanks for your kind words

@@kalasatwater2224 I hope things get lighter to carry

Very kind words thank you so much. But yeah you can't spend energy on people who don't replenish it for you...not in this economy!

Thank you so much. That's high that I'm not sure I deserve but thank you!

Hopefully it's not THAT dog though. Thanks again for stopping by and dropping a line...it means more than you can imagine

Damn right! It just happens to be THAT dog

That's the key. Embracing failure as a catalyst to teach us how to respond and react better. My work got me into this mess but hey if it helped, then you're welcome 😁

Thanks! That's what I was going for actually...just a "storytime" sort of rant/hangout. I found out in 1994. I had just drawn Simba from the Lion King and went to show my mom and she went "Wow! And Dr Silva said you would never be able to draw!" I must hav been...15 or 16? And yes that's exactly right! Everything changes you...everything changes the direction of your life. In some cases - like in yours, and mine - those changes are good. You can only make the best of it with those cases that aren't ideal...

I'm so glad it struck a chord! Failing is absolutely not the end it's the beginning of your next level! That's the best way to learn. Don't be afraid of failing...be afraid of never trying.

Yeah the magnitude of the consequences will freeze you up accordingly, I can relate. But I'm at a point in my life when I am trying to be more deliberate about how I live, and letting life make my choices for me has not worked out fantastically over the last few years. We're still here though 😉

Flipping a coin only works for me cause when it lands on what I didn't want then I automatically know what it is I want, so I suppose it's effective that way 😁