never confront them. damn. i learned this after being attacked and attacked and attacked. now i keep a journal of all her lies.

Hmm I disagree with most of these so called solutions.

Pretty much what I'm doing but we have kids so it's tough. Another tactic I heard that works is to stick to one thing only as the liar really wants to take any conversation elsewhere. Just keep repeating yourself and don't let them decide where the conversation goes.

They lie aboit things- age- height- ANY ONE CAN Find out about them_ they are lying to them self!

"that is not how I remember it" , is a great term to use if you are a pathological liar.

It is so difficult when you realize that the person you hoped she was was not the person she actually was. #Hijackals love-bomb, and create a persona of being "your perfect soulmate." They hook you on the hope that is true. Then, as their facade slips away, you keep hoping if you compromise, accommodate, and compensate by changing yourself, that original "false" person will return. Reality takes awhile to win, doesn't it? Good for you for caring enough about yourself to say no to people who really don't care about you.

Rhoberta Shaler, PhD - Toxic Relationship Help thank you, do you think that person will ever change ? I just feel bad that she’s gonna live her entire life in a lie and damage so many relationships, she flipped it on me and made it seem like I’m the bad guy when I caught her in lies

@@Mathiah Sadly, it sounds as though she has more tendencies of a #Hijackal than just lying. And, no, she is unlikely to change. AND, definitely, you cannot change her!

@@Mathiah She is unlikely to change. She is an adult, making choices that have consequences. No liar likes to be exposed. Rage is often their response, or the silent treatment.

Rhoberta Shaler, PhD - Toxic Relationship Help so those people are just gonna live in a lie their whole life ? That’s sad, I’ll pray she changes her behavior, no one deserves to live like that

Where pathology finds the boundary of delusion... switching from scotch to brandy doesn't help the alcoholic. It is so much the easier to find fault and blame in the our competitors than to Pathological liars are practiced so much that it becomes like a habituated tic, but it is not necessarily for malicious intent, but often because their lives are bland and non exceptional, and that leads to jealousy of others who actually accomplish things. And thus comes a most hard to swallow lie that serves to make their life at least. Such folks are creative enough to build an entire fictitious story line, which always stops after a few probing questions by the listener. When a person has adopted a custom of lying, they have checked out on maintaining contiguity, but weaves their own delusion that, at least to them, seems to provide more color, more self-exalting to stature they consider more appropriate to what they believe and deserve. This form of lying is likely the lessor in the spattered heaps, as it isn't meant to directly harm the other, just elevate their own status in the relationship so as to present their life as being at least as relevant, meaningful, purposeful, and vibrant...and again, some have become such weavers of tales and stories, that taking that family member on a vacation and folks showed effort towards his/her related experiences.. Narcissistic lying on the other hand is one of the most distorted to be considered, as not only is there a detachment from reality to themseced having Such folks not only can weave an intriguing story, but being they have huge empry holes where the tree of esteem should have been implanted, but, let's face it, to the narcisst, it's not just about making themselves feel better in a manner slightly above their "friend," but their friend, their friends life, their friends experiences and knowledge the narcissist, in his recognition that only his exalted life is meaningful. Their lies have typically been purposefully conceived and presented in such manner so as to make their "friends" claims seem lessor if not dubious while asserting in every manner their own confabulations as being both real and much grander in every measure. But it doesn't end there as despite the grand deillusion spun, often spiced generously with gaslighting their friends attempts to figure out what if anything is true about what the narcissist had spun over time. And again it's still further to go to find the where the outer layers end and the web comprising the core is even pierced. For narcissists devalue all others, as much as they exalt themselves, for the other only exists as an extension if themselves, and really are only considered as entertainment like a cat plays with its captured mouse. To the narcissist the axistance of other people in the world serves but one purpose: to be toyed with, degraded and confused by the narcissist such as to not only show their superiority (in most unarmed of uncivil and immature manner) but the anxiety/insanity that follows that their "friend" actually feel as a result serves as emotional food for the narcissist. They are vampires of another nature. Then there are he more schizoid schizefreniform, lies who seem to have a ripple in their consciousness whereby a delusional story line is created, often dealing with conspiracy or being hunted elements. However, such is often the result of brain trauma and is not meant to he used to maliciously hurt another, though they may become entwined in the delusions which are presented with certainty of conviction. Then of course the is the sociopath who has even less regard for the other than the narcissist. While the narcissist requires the confusion cast Tommie the other and exalt themselves, the sociopath doesn't have the need to make others lessor for their own elevation ( as to them its already a given), but simply because others exist only for the brief entertainment they provide to the sociopath when messing with their heads. Otherwise, other folks really have no value, or even autonomy--being but dumb drones, are thus they are not worthy enough to be merited any consideration. If they die, there is another drone hat will replace them. And if course there are a few more, like those having borderline personality disord. Such folks will skew things they hear in the direction they want it to go, such as to manipulate others, and often couple their issue with playing the victim roll, since they believe others are out to get them for nefarious intent. Lying is part of the human character, albeit from the little white lie such as to avoid issue arising from the nonconsequential, to the biggest of them all: that little green men are angels and God not but a computer.

Came across this at 11111

Yes red flags from day 1, I must be color blind bc I ignored them.

Lied to since day 1.. 13 years later the truth came out.

Thank you

You're SO not alone.

So annoying, and so telling! Good people to distance yourself from, right?

Absolutely true and it draining

Many liars are not happy with themselves. Or they grew up in a household of addictions and disfunction where everyone lied. Not saying you should stick around though.

Yes. They are like parasites slowly eating u up. Lol. Annoying is the best word to describe them liars.

Well......good thing I already see myself as a parasite so it’s a greater thing to be called one.

So crazy-making, right? After awhile, it can cause you to second-guess yourself and question your sanity, I know.

Sounds like narcissism to me.

Oh this. Now I started to doubt myself. He makes me feel like I'm the crazy one

Thanks for writing. Your story may be just what someone needs to hear. I'm glad to hear that you're experiencing more peace when you are not constantly walking on eggshells. That's a terribly tiring way to get exercises, isn't it? I wish you well. Rhoberta

EVOLVE FREELY Hi and thanks for chiming in. I have a hundred+ examples of her lying to me on digital recording. A person can say “that’s this type of lying or it’s that type of lying”. To me it’s LYING. I know a couple of factual things: $30,000.00 gone She broke my nose and went to jail (that episode was prompted by me asking her where all the money was disappearing to) I left her I’m happy I could go on and on and on about what went down over a period of 2 years. It was fckng nuts. I’m so happy I finally got the courage to leave her. Take care.

@@PLUM-rp9lt I understand what your saying. My ex is the same way. He lied about everything. And wouldn't see our daughter because hes a alcoholic and would ignore her phone calls so to avoid having to spend time with her and then he would lie to everyone and say I was keeping her from him and then when i would confront him about it he would try to still put the blame on me, to my face. Like I know what I saw and what I heard. Or like when he loses his jobs, hes a alcoholic so he can only keep a job for a short time and then go back to bumming off everyone. He got fired and then he would try to tell me and everyone that he was so great at his job and the blame would always been on the company as to why he lost his jobs. He just constantly lied about things. I caught him cheating and had tons of proof and confronted him and got him to admit it....but even after he admitted he did those things, he would still blatantly try to lie to my face. I remember one year for st. Patrick's day I wanted to stay home that evening and do a family thing with just him and our daughter, he kept making plans for us to go out and I kept telling him I didn't want to and then he turned around and told our daughter "your mom was the one that wanted to go out, I wanted to stay here". It's a constant lying game.

Thanks for sharing. In my experience, money is the best tool for finding out the true character of a person. I find that it's all about selfishness. Lying is just the symptom. The more selfish a person is, the more they lie. In a world of temptation, everything can become an addiction. I find so many people are on medication and/or drugs, including myself. This sickness of addiction affects everyone, with almost no exceptions. I believe that if you can find just one unselfish person you can have hope. Other than that it's all about save yourself or die. Glad you were able to save yourself, I had to too. It's not easy, that's for sure. I had to just about die first before I realized I was going to die here. What doesn't kill you really does make you stronger if you survive.

@@MrOTcomputer Thank You for sharing🤙

Very well said.

they do not lie; they just wait THIRTY YEARS to tell the complete Truth( meet my brother who writes nutty Letters)

My own brother told everyone ' carol is Sneaky' ( gossip man) back StaBBER SIBLING who needs him...

@@carolnahigian9518 Familiar to me unfortunately. Delayed truth. Horrible.

Yes, exactly this. My ex never straight up lied, it is always the half-truths, omitting the full picture to her advantage. She even created a division between me and my friends and it was super hard for me to gain their trust back. When I told my version, it always included the bad part I was responsible for, which confirmed her version in their eyes.

Hi! How do you respond to them beyond what you wrote? How well does it work...😉?

Ugh! Been there, done that. Found out about two-three years in, that everything I thought I knew of them was false. Lied just to lie...also had dilusions of grandeur.

Yes, it's infuriating and frustrating, for sure. The fear of not winning in every moment is what drives Hijackals of various stripes to lie. Pathological liars, of course, are often narcissistic tendencies which makes the lying more ingrained.

I have the same as you describe, the simplest of discussions result in lies and untruths being said which over the years simply undermine the relationship at its core level. Hates being called out about it and the idea she could be exposed to others showing her true character seems to be her biggest fear - really sad and quite toxic.

My mom too. I love her but all the time she claims that “her and the governor” are trying to change things. She says that almost daily. 🤯(knowing no truth to it)

This sounds like President Biden. The constant lies, inflated self importance based on others accomplishments, and the amount of gaslighting is off the charts. It’s so infuriating listening to him and his administration, that help him perpetrate the lies.

I just had to file for divorce after uncovering such a major lie that my soon to be ex husband kept for our entire 3 years of dating was so absolutely disgusting that I could not see working through things . And as another comment is so perfectly added, it seems like he’s afraid of being exposed by certain people in his family and particularly his mother will, in my opinion, make him take the secret to the grave.

You are so welcome

Mine too and I actually can’t stand being around him. I’ve dealt with the over exaggerating whatever but the compulsive lying makes me disgusted. It’s seriously either a disease or a curse. All I know it’s a living nightmare I’m slowly trying to detach from.

I just meet someone..one year ago. And I think he is lying continually. I didn't want to accept that and I want to believe him but now every time he talks I am like ok let see what he is going to say this time. Is so annoying.. Is first time I meet compulsive lair. I don't know what is worse. Horrible 😖😟

That's a difficult relationship, for sure.

Yes, they do. Sad, frustrating, infuriating, and endless.

You're so welcome. I'm glad you find it empowering.

L

Ironic that abusers like to fall behind the "muh poor childhood" excuse. Had a male friend screaming at me who was allegedly a former scapegoat too. Yet incredibly used that as an excuse to scream at me for trying to pick up a few pieces of loose tobacco. I used to use this excuse to be a victim of bad relationship with an ex-girlfriend too, as in continuing to have any association beyond the point of any reasonable return. They say that curiosity killed the cat. But so did sympathy too! Ultimately, I get really sick of some of the people on KZfaq comments excusing their bad behavior with this as if it's a legit excuse. Some of the most wonderful people I knew had way worse childhoods with their parents than those monsters. I've seen people use that excuse to continue their torturous marriages years longer than they should have. But at some point, it's not an excuse, but a rationalization! And I'm too old to reason away with that bullshit any longer(at 48). If it walks like a power trip, talks like a power trip, it IS an annoying power trip that NO ONE needs!

That is so stressful and so disappointing to have someone in your worklife that is that difficult! I'm so glad you were able to shift your working environment and take care of yourself.

Glad it was helpful!

You're so right! That's how pathological liars--and many #Hijackals--roll. Exactly those responses. The question is always, then, why continue a relationship with them? Sometimes, it seems unavoidable, and other times, it's a welcome choice.

Oh god! Suffering from same situation right now..

So often! It makes me feel insane like I'm losing it

I'm glad it helps. Your story is such a clear example of these behaviors. I hope you're beyond the manipulation now, and away from further hurts.

It is very difficult to deal with pathological liars, especially when your primary relationship is with you. I hope you continue to experience relief.

Good for you! Run for your life. Don’t get sucked back into the vortex.

If this is an ongoing behavior for your partner, this sounds like a good person to love from a distance. You cannot trust a pathological liar. About anything. Period. And, yes, it sucks, big time. 😒

Google ‘Gaslighting’. Important to get away from ‘chronic invalidation’ and smear campaigners.

I was dating one that is just like that and we were together for 6 years, the lies has never stopped, even I have being calm but it got even worse. It won't change.. I love him and it breaks my heart to go but I had to and I end up leaving him 2 days ago.. He is 49

Yes, I trademarked it years ago.

...maybe, they're lying...lol!

Good one. Lol

You are so welcome!

So difficult! I certainly understand why you need to move on. I hope you can keep your baby safe from the distress this mom could cause. Do you have a plan for that?

My eldest daughter is also a liar. She was finally exposed I'm sad to say because it took the suicide of my second child on the 12th of September 2023 to bring her lies to light. She had caused my children to be estranged from me for the last 5 years. I have 4 children all together. My first grandchild was born 2 years ago and I've only just met him. I had no idea it was my own daughter manipulating my other kids. I have a narcissistic mother and I was the scapegoat and I have two siblings that go out of their way to denigrate my character so I assumed it was my siblings. Now kid 1 has been exposed she's trying to regain control but she is being met with opposition. So now she's spreading lies about my third child being rude and nasty to her. It's insidious and so disrespectful that she's lashing out and making everything about her as soon as my son died. And I mean on the day he died she did it. To really convince me that she's most likely a sociopath she got married 5 days after my sons funeral and didn't invite her sisters because they're talking to me. She had a whole month to reschedule, there were less than 10 people in attendance all up and she's posting pictures all over facebook like it's completely fine. I couldn't even eat 5 days after my son's funeral let alone attend a wedding. A lot of my friends saw her Facebook and didn't say anything to me about it. It's distressing and worrying. She recently told my 3rd child that she was histrionic and her son autistic all because kid 3 didn't want to talk to her when she showed up unannounced and uninvited to kid 3s house and pester her to talk to her. I've told kid 3 to get FVRO but she's living with her dad who just happens to side with kid 1 and won't even listen to kid 3's perspective. And he's not even kid 1's biological father. He attended the wedding and he let her plan the funeral and she made sure that me and my youngest daughter were not included in the eulogy or given a chance to speak. We both requested songs to be played and that was muted also. She's got her stepfather in her back pocket and they totally hijacked my son's funeral. So much time and energy being spent on kid 1 and her behaviour that it's distracted us all from properly grieving for my son. I'm actually going to go get some counselling about all this as it's deeply hurt me. She's also got my mother on side who's trying to tell me my youngest 2 are the liars. Absolutely won't hear anything else about it. I just think that it's tragic that my son had to die for the truth to be revealed. He was such a loving and caring boy and he loved his younger sisters. He struggled with medical resistant depression for 6 years and just left the house one morning and committed suicide at a public location where he wouldn't easily be located until later that morning. And my ex husband called my eldest daughter to tell her he was gone before me. Just so wrong. 😢

Glad it was helpful!

Glad it was helpful!

You are so welcome. I'm glad to hear that you are in therapy BEFORE you commit to a life together. You're wise!

It is SO difficult, I know. And, its' important to question everything, once you recognize the lying patterns. He'll lie to your son as well, and that can cause more difficulties and pain.

Yasmin Tapia,You look cute,Hope you are not with a narcissist....

I hope you find better days, as well. What does your therapist say about his lying, impersonating, and pretending?

Welcome aboard! I'm glad you've found it, too. I hope you find it helpful in many ways.

Hi! You're so welcome! I'm glad the video was helpful. That's a difficult thing to affirm for sure. I've had clients who were pathological liars as a result of deep-seated childhood insecurities, and aside from the lying, were quite pleasant, reasonable--though unreliable--humans. The only way in which they were abusive is the lying. #Hijackals, though, think nothing of lying to "win in the moment" or "get what they want." So, the reverse is more true: people with the traits of personality disorders are more likely to be liars, pathological or not! I hope that helps. Rhoberta

@@ForRelationshipHelp I tried to reply but my long message was halfway deleted for some reason after posting. Thanks for your helpful insights, it's brought me a lot of clarity! :)

Pathological liars

Such good questions! So much is subjective, for sure. However, when dealing with a pathological liar, you are likely very aware that their pattern of representing the world they see demonstrates their inability to keep a story straight for long. Their view changes with their need to feel right and/or secure in each interchange.

As you see these patterns, does it make you question the relationship?

Thanks!

You're welcome. Good for you for ending it early!

Good for you! You've taken a step towards peace. Knowing you're being continuously lied to is wearing, and the basis of the relationship can be quite flawed, right? Loving her from a distance can be a good thing. I wish you well.

Rhoberta Shaler, PhD - Toxic Relationship Help - Thanks Roberta and thank you for your excellent video. It helped a lot. 🙏

My dad still believes my idiot little sister who lies about the smallest shit just for all of us to look at her for two seconds during her bogus stories. She always needs something to complain or talk about

Glad it was helpful!

Glad it helped!

Nasty! I'm glad she was called out, though of course, it didn't change much. Good for you for seeing her behavior so clearly.

I'm glad you let him go, and I hope he will let go of you, too. Yes, there is definitely grieving for what you hoped might be and could become. It's sad, but people with the traits of disorders almost never have an interest in changing. I wish you well.

@@ForRelationshipHelp Thank you so much. My guard is definitely up until I am able to move out.

I'm glad you enjoyed it!

Yes, pathological liars are confounding, and cause you to shake your head, right? I'm glad you found validation in the video!

You're welcome!

You're welcome. I'll cross my fingers for you that it works. You know that it is unlikely. Pathological lying is an entrenched response to life, and undoing that is a long process requiring dedication.

Gwendolyn H,Hope you are not with a narcissist.....

My husband as well. I hope you found your peace. It's humiliating when he accuse me of cheating when i'm with his family all day and night and he claims they are lying together with me. But I can't leave him as I love him. My only comfort is his and my family backing me up due to his track record. My only saving grace is we are attending couple counselling where I document and proof of lies. I hope you find your inner peace & space to manage as it is utterly exhausting.

@@rinatan8515 sorry you are going through this. Maybe he thinks you are cheating via online? Emotional affair? My husband communicates with side whores online. He is at home but he is emotionally not present in the home, his head is in the clouds. My husband’s family make excuses for his bad behavior, so it is not uncommon for family to side with family. But the verbal and physical abuse my husband has caused me can’t be explained away. The reported abuse to the police explains my truth.

Lying has no place in respectful communication. (Yes, I know there are little "social" lies that spare someone's feelings, but that's a little suspect, too. ) Being silent rather than lying is wise. However, silence can lie, too, by omission, right? Another approach is to consciously speak in ways that are totally kind and totally honest at the same time. When we take care of how we speak in that way, we do our best to be empathetic and communicate clearly and honestly.

You're right about the smoke indicating fire, for sure! I'm sorry you have to experience this firsthand.

You're very welcome. If you'd like to work with me, you can begin here: BeAClient.com

Many people feel the need to embellish their accomplishments and life stories. It's sad that they feel the necessity to lie to feel better about themselves, for sure.

You're so welcome. Are you still navigating these behaviors of his?

You're very welcome!

You're right. Many people habitually lie for different reasons with different underlying causes. Trauma can be one of them. Insecurity another. I wish you well.

I think you should consider the effect your pathological lying has on the people around you, your loved ones, etc. People who are manipulative/abusive rarely realize that they're being manipulative/abusive. As someone who has been the victim of an abusive pathological liar, I have trust issues to this day, 5 years later. And those people are usually the victim of trauma themselves.

No excuse for habitual lies

How can we believe anything you just said? You’re a pathological liar.

@@swanningabout no one suggested it was an excuse. but its more nuanced then they're just "bad people" a good bit of the time.

That's sad, and difficult. Have you had any specialized help to make shifts in a positive direction towards better quality relationships? Sometimes, that's creates the impetus you need to create new patterns. I wish you well.

@@ForRelationshipHelp I have, as a member in a recovery fellowship. I have a sponsor and a group of like-minded individuals who I have been in communication with lately. I realize it's part trauma and part character defect. It's something I must work on every single day, and lean on my faith in all times (especially when I feel alone).

@@xxx-jigsaw-xxx213 phuk positive as well as being negative,......just (be) move through it undeterred. Master this shit

❤

That's a difficult one! Whether you're dealing with your daughter or the grandkids, I think it is important to always state neutrally and genuinely: "I know that is not true." Repeat, when necessary. Share with them statements like this: "I know it's best to tell the truth." "People trust people who tell the truth." etc. You may have to set a non-negotiable boundary: "You'll have to leave if you lie." or "When I know you're lying, I'm leaving." And, follow through...every time. The children have learned by modeling from their mother. Do you know where your daughter learned to lie, or did she always do it? Little children spin tales often, but grow out of it.

Hi, Tina, Yes, that is a strange thing to lie about. Were there other things happening in his life or in your relationship at the time of that lie? Please consider that one lie in a relationship doesn't break trust, but can make you question it. It sounds like there are other things going on. If you'd like to talk, use my new client offer: BeAClient.com Otherwise, respond to my question here and we'll continue the conversation. Rhoberta

That's the cycle, for sure! Sad.