I often use big words to make myself sound more photosynthesis.

This sounds like he's passive agressively roasting someone he knows haha

What you said in conclusion reminded me of something a psychologist told me once: "Trying to reason with a narcissist is like playing chess with a pigeon - it will just poop all over the board, and strut around as if it's won anyway."

I had an aunt who was a narcissist (though we didn't know it at the time) and she lived right next door. She'd come over while Jeopardy was on and impress my grandma by knowing all the answers. Well, it turned out that she just used her satellite dish to see the episode before it aired in our local time zone and memorize all the answers. The effort some narcissists will go to is insane to me.

When I got my Master's degree, my sister said, "Anyone can get a Master's degree". To which I asked, "Where's yours?". She hung up the phone on me.

non-narcissists watching this: "Am I a narcissist?"

I married into a family of narcissists. They were some of the most stupid people I’ve ever met, yet they always thought they were better then anyone else. How tiresome they were

My dad is a narcissist. What I’ve realized is that its almost like you can never really know him. Every time you think you’re speaking to him you’re actually speaking to this façade he’s putting up. Like everything he says to you has been calculated by him to make him look a certain way, not to actually speak to you.

Plot twist: he’s a narcissist and dunking on other narcissists is his ultimate high.

Alternate title: Dr. Grande Vents about his Colleagues

One time my wife brought up a kind of "new" topic of study we were in to with a narc family member. They immediately dismissed the idea as nonsense and argued against every point and rejected even talking about it. One or two weeks later we see her again and she goes on and on about the exact same subject now presenting herself as the authority on the matter. Not rejecting it this time but fully into it, completely forgetting/ignoring the week before when she knew nothing and argued against it for no reason. She now was "teaching" us about it like we've never heard of it before. Major eye roll moment.

When I was a teenager and through my 20s, I was both a grandiose and vulnerable narcissist - vacillating between the two. I was also a practicing alcoholic from about 12 years old until I was 28. Since I got sober the narcissism is diminished somewhat, but I still have it. My 21 year old son told me that he thought that I'm a narcissist (somewhat) as recently as a year ago. I think that what really helped me to recognize my narcissism and to work at reducing it was my participation in Alcoholics Anonymous (working on the 12 steps) - where I learned that I'm not all the rage I thought I was and had to examine which behaviors of mine caused my troubles and why. Then I had to review my day to day behavior (and still do 32 years later), admit when I was wrong (or being a narcissistic ass) and apologize to those I hurt. Also working towards an attitude of humility helped.

im glad im not a narcissist as I am very humble despite my high intelligence and how attractive I am.

I admire others who can say "I dont know", the whole "fake it till you make it" is getting out of hand.

I had my first I Q test in fourth grade after my first standardized K.E.S.T at school. I was immediately moved to a program for kids with high potential and low motivation. Thing is, I’m not a genius. I was horribly abused and I read constantly to escape into a fantasy life. I recognized patterns quickly because I had to to survive. I’m hyper aware of everyone in the rooms slightest body language. I have a great memory. All defense mechanisms. I’ve done nothing with it that others would call successful, but everyday , I work to develop more compassion for myself and others… and that has made all the difference.

We are already smarter than they are. The key is to not allow what makes us more evolved, our emotional maturity, cause for us to have so much empathy for them that we allow for them to abuse us. Most times, it is this empathy that gets us in trouble. We don’t respond the way we should at the first sign of misconduct because we assume that we are incorrect in our judgment. We are smart enough to know that if someone is damaged they are going to act out and mistreat others. So, we are more patient with them. This is where the problem comes in. Our caring and ability to identify with a person’s pain causes for us to fall victim to their callous behavior. We move the boundary for them because we believe if we do, we can help them. We believe that all they need is love. The problem is, they don’t really want it. They just wanted us to move the boundary. They literally want to see if they can continue to make us do things we not wish to do. They want to see if they can cause a reaction that is out of character. They want to watch us unravel. It makes them feel powerful. Moreover, if you feel sure that your husband might never cheat on you, you might have to rethink. Most wives in marriages are shocked when they find out their husband cheating, and it happens more with people who never thought they would cheat. This is why you have to take the tiniest suspicion carefully. If your husband is cheating on you, the best and probably the only guaranteed way to catch him is to spy on their phones. However, spying on a phone is not something you can do without any external help unless you have the James bond level of spy skills. In such case you will need an expert phone spyier Metaspyhub@gmail. com for the purpose,,,

“To the narcissist, every mistake that everyone else makes is a major mistake”. Goddamn.

I’m not a narcissist, I’m actually better than everybody.

I'm so glad I stumbled on this video. There are a couple of points that hit home for me. [3:05 - 3:45] "to the narcissist, every mistake that someone else makes is a major mistake." "...they're saving up the mistakes to get that embarrassment factor up higher." Narcissists are in a perpetual vortex of manipulation. It's their default.

"... saving up the mistakes for a greater embarrassment factor later..." Wow, the inner workings of narcissistic thought gives me the chills when filtered through the angelic voice of Dr. Grande!

I’m super humble. That’s what makes me so great

"Every mistake that someone else makes, to the narcissist, is a big mistake." Beautifully said.

My late brother had a wonderful sense of humour. Someone we knew never missed a chance to use long and complex words. One day my brother said to him "Wow! You're so clever, you even know the botanical name for a fart!"

I have a theory that certain professional fields really attract narcissists. Politics and business are two big ones. As a former activist, I met a loooot of covert narcissists who thought they were saving the world. Oddly enough I think the field of Psychology attracts a lot of narcissists as well.

"To a narcissist every mistake that somebody else makes is a major mistake"

The first rule of Condescending Club is pretty complex, you probably wouldn’t get it 😒

1:12 Correcting grammar 3:55 Using words incorrectly 6:16 Talking about obscure topics 7:46 Confirmation bias 9:49 Ad Hominems 10:54 Blaming other for their incorrect beliefs 11:33 Using “Logic” and “Reason” 12:26 Discounting other intelligences 14:42 Lying about their IQ 18:03 Pretending to know alien subjects

the " I use logic !!" one especially resonates, of course coming from the vulnerable narcissist who has a terrible time remembering recent thoughts and regulating emotional outbursts.

Being a narcissist sounds a lot like being in junior high.

"Item 5: Attacking people who have different views than them instead of arguing based on actual evidence." Everyone on twitter...

I found it spot on. Having lived with one for 22 years too long, I could identify with EVERY 10 POINTS. I hope MANY people find your video so they can avoid narcissists.

years ago, I was told my mother was a malignant narcissist [I believe it was my father] and all you've Said in your video on malignant narcissists notwithstanding I believe it is an accurate and descriptive name her behavior, towards me, in particular, she was aggressive, cruel, belittling. and dismissive, this continued through to adulthood and was turning onto my Children before I finally cut off contact with her

What's really annoying is how narcissists do manage to fool a lot of people. I am so glad that these videos are being made to raise awareness. Thank you Dr. Grande!

Irregardless of what you say, its a mute point saying I'm an narcissists souly debased on the fact I use fanciful words in my grammer...But I digest...

My ex-husband, a narcissistic high-school teacher with a Master’s Degree, once told me after we were married for 7 years, that I wasn’t very “intelligent” because I was a “just” a beautician. He said, in his haughty voice, “I’ve been schooled, and beauticians can’t be that “intelligent” because there are so many of them, it can’t be that hard to become one.” (I thought, “Well, there are thousands of teachers in the world, so it must not take that much intelligence to become one either.”) A few years later, Mr. Scholar, made the highly intelligent decision to have an affair with our 18-year-old babysitter/his student. 3 years later, he married her when she was 21 and “legal” so he wouldn’t look like a total pervert. 😐 My sister (another narcissist) was in school pursuing her Doctorate, and we were discussing something that she didn’t agree with, and she stated, “I HAVE A Phd!” (Again, I was just a beautician, so she had to let me know her opinion trumped mine because of her degree.)(Which she really hadn’t gotten yet.) 🙄

I am late to the table now in 2023, but I am glad I listened Dr Grande. My narcissist prefaced conversations with, “ When I was in Graduate School …”. He especially liked doing this in the company of blue collar types, friends of mine, including my father. His credentials didn’t have any bearing on the point he was trying to make. It was just BRAGGING to diminish others.

I love this guy’s dry humor.

My narc ex said that he was tested and scored so high that the test couldn't measure it. He said that he was literally too smart to be tested. 😒

I started painting as an adult. I took classes, read books and watched KZfaq videos. I am proud of my work. My sister asked how I created one piece. This was early in my learning phase, so I used tracings as I cannot draw. I still had to use the correct strokes, brushes, mix colors, etc to create the work. She looked at me and said, “I could do that.” She didn’t compliment my work as any normal sister would do, she said that she could do it.

I use big words often because I love words.. I know you weren’t making a blanket statement or anything… words just fascinate me, always have… everyone reading this have a safe and happy life…

“When a narcissist is unable to win on the basis of evidence they switch to other tactics: Attacking people who have different views than them instead of arguing based on actual evidence”. Hmmm. Sounds like half our population, at least

Good thing I'm not a narcissist, I'm the most humble person I know

I had a friend in my teens and early 20s who when looking back, I would say fit the description. One early red flag was when he once requested I pick him up from the airport at midnight. He just never arrived and I didn't hear a word from him for two or three days. Eventually when I finally met up with him, I found out he had taken a flight the next day because "no one had woken him up for his departure announcement." Never got an apology from him for wasting my time that night, it was like he had been the one super inconvenienced. It got worse from there as the years went on.

My brother, his wife, and their kids exhibit all of these traits. I'm the one with the MBA, and numerous work awards and they do everything they can to try to belittle me and others. I'm glad I know who I am, and don't let them get to me.

People who think they know everything are particularly annoying to those of us who do.

This is helpful. I was in an abusive relationship with a narcissist. He developed an interest in poker and took me along to a tournament one night to show off his skills. I won the tournament and boy was he mad! Lol

In having discussions with my father-in-law, he often tells me not to say so much, deriding me for the “walls of text“ that I send him. So I started using larger, more meaningful words so that I can use fewer of them, but then I get accused of trying to sound smart. I came to realize that there is no pleasing this man

I've had to cut ties with a friend I've known over 20 years. This is something I didn't care to do, considering the years. But then in those years I've gotten to know him well whereas he didn't think I had saw him. It was his world and to be in it, wasn't hard to lose one's self there. Every relationship he's had as that after awhile they got fed up with the way he poked at 'em jokingly whenever company was around. And he was always following up with "You know I didn't mean it, I was just funning". It never failed as when they had finally left, it was automatically their fault. He's the victim, they abandoned him, they didn't love him and I knew this wasn't the case as I've witnessed it and as I aforementioned, I've gotten to see him for who he is. But I also saw something else in him and so he wasn't entirely bad. I tried explaining to him unless stop living in denial and come to understand your self, you'll never move forward. He got with a woman in which perhaps they'll make it as marriage was on the table. I was like wow ok and I'm genuinely happy for people who are doing well and happy in their lives, especially family and friends. Sadly this to ended with her to blame about how she didn't love. She out lasted others and apparently he hadn't changed. She loved him and most likely still does in some ways. Personally, I got tired of being lied to and he's lied to me for years. But I hung around; not only in hopes of trying rekindle that glimpse of spark I saw in him as when he was young spunky kid, cause when I become a friend it's for life... Sadly he's a first hopefully a last. I'm sure I'm added to the long list of people who've disappointed. So be it as I no longer care to accompany nor compliment his misery.

Wow, I really learned a lot about 10 Things Politicians do to Appear Smarter than They Really Are.

"Narcissists tend to over-commit to ideas that protect their ego." - Dr. Todd Grande I hear that.

Your descriptions are so accurate, based on my experience with a couple of extremely narcissistic people. One person, in particular, seems like a textbook example. He will automatically discount the achievements of others, mainly in fields where he himself has been active. Most,or all, of his credentials are suspect. Someone who does not know him well once asked about his experience in graduate school (the rest of us have doubted he ever attended grad school). He evaded the questions and changed the subject until the person gave up. He seems to think that he can simply say he is qualified in some way and others will accept it, but he completely lacks any in-depth knowledge. I think jealousy plays a big role: he will show respect for people of the past, who are now dead, but people in fields that interest him and are currently active are dismissed as phonies or just 'lucky'. He has openly stated that he "has no flaws"", that's he is a good person in every way, and highly intelligent of course. I also know he thinks he is extremely attractive and will rarely credit others with being good-looking.

I was married to a narcissist and his ignorance absolutely baffled me because he showed all 10 of the things that you mentioned in the video. One of my favorites was when I told him I had a degree in sociology and he was convinced that I was studying psychiatry and trying to analyze him. I just shook my head after I picked my jaw off the floor.

One 'tactic' I've observed from a narcissist is that when I ask a question they don't know the answer to, they try to divert the conversation to something else, or respond with a silly joke answer. It is impossible to get them to admit 'I don't know'.

I hope these don't apply to me. "Item Number One: the narcissist feels the need to correct the grammar of others." Damn it.

Having been raised by a narcicist mother, its scary how many of these traits have been passed onto me, I beat myself all the time recognising these issues in myself.

Love the clarity of your points. I was raised by such folks and being smart was a big deal. Thank you! Been working through this stuff for a long time!

This was phenomenologically good. I'm tiresome so I think I need a nap.

Also, when a person humbly asks a narcissist for help, the narcissist will lord it over them and make the task seem 15,000 times more complicated than it actually is instead of simplifying the steps, encouraging, and teaching them.

I just wanted to pop in and say Thank you for your time, efforts & your work. I've just recently came across & have been tuning in to your channel on here. Very interesting and helpful in my current life. Thank you so much!!

One of the most spot on videos I have ever viewed in KZfaq I worked at a government lab in Southern New Jersey which was a remarkably narcissistic and toxic organization. Undercutting was done more than actual work toward the mission. Some tactics I saw that were referenced by Dr. Grande: Pretense about understanding of logic (overuse and even misuse of logical fallacy terms to fabricate opportunities to impress others and gain power by correcting other people), foraging for more obscure terms and concepts ("uncanny valley", "Poincare maps") that staff would go "woo" over, and pretense if statistical understanding and refusal to yield to those who know more than they do. One key manager and the site leader used all of the tactics Dr. Grande mentioned. Their egos did not allow them to acknowledge that anyone that challenged their often non+starter or incomplete proposals could actually be correct. in fact, they used overt and covert tactics. They did this to my predecessors and then to me and other colleagues: Blame shifting, credibility loss claims, covert management, keeping staff from meetings, triangulating employees against each other, rewriting narratives, and using employee surveys and performance reviews as weapons. The problem is that the fiefdom management structure with low turnaround and lack of accountability in a government agency in a low work alternative region resulted in a system which promoted narcissistic behavior. Together with the security aspect of the work, an opportunity for ambitious narcissists to work the system covertly and even be incentivized and rewarded for toxic behavior. The shocking thing was how much of the staff rationalized the behavior at the lab. Clearly, some were benefactors of others' misery. Some employees seemed to have Stockholm syndrome. Others either adapted and evolved to fit the system or were fit to survive because they themselves were narcissists. Most were blue-pilled and in denial.

"Even fools are thought wise if they keep silent, and discerning if they hold their tongues" (Proverbs 17: 28).

I think it’s hilarious that he delivers sarcasm totally straight faced.

When my husband and I were in our dating phase as boyfriend and girlfriend he would use uncommon higher educated words and I would just nod and pretend to understand him, then excuse myself and look up the words he would use to finally understand what he was saying. After years together I finally told him about this secret and we both laughed about it 😜

I had a person inform me in an email that I had misused the word "whoever" when I should have used "whomever". Good catch.

Dr Grande just described every single person on Twitter.

In my experience, they often raise their voice instead of improving their arguments..

Perfect. Thank you for this wonderful analysis. You are incredibly intelligent, well educated, and well-spoken professional. Great service.

Thank you, Dr. Grande. I appreciate your very informative discussions of this condition. Your analysis are very accurate as I have experienced in my life.

Another common thing I notice is, a narcissist will try to dominate the conversation and always choose topics he knows something about. So situations where the limits of his knowledge become visible, don't even occur. And if other topics do come up, he might dismiss them as irrelevant.

I am 69 and only recently have started to become aware of my own narcissism. This is painful, but in a useful, necessary way. This video was very clear and very 'convicting': it 'held up a mirror', one that gave a true reflection, in a way that got through to me. I plan to listen to it again, to take some notes, and possibly post some 'bullet points' from it somewhere that I will see them often (or, at least, daily). Thank you for making this available: I know it is something I needed to see; and I hope it will help me to grow up and out of where I usually am now. Thank you, again.

The depth of your understanding of things narc will say or do and how to manipulate them in short term exposures. Is remarkable, thank you Dr. Grande

My oldest sibling is a narcissist. That’s bad for the other siblings, trust me on this.

I appreciate having my friends correct my mistakes. But I can usually tell if someone is sharing knowledge in a caring way vs gloating over and enjoying seeing me make a mistake.

Finally, a youtube recommendation that fits my personality.

My brother tested "over 180" on an IQ test at Stanford University Admissions. My sister-in-law told me "You have to understand. When we were first married we got into terrible arguments. Then I realized that he is so smart that he is always right." Call it smart if you must.

My witchy mother used to say she had a college degree. In reality, she had attended ONE night class at a major University. When I found out, I asked her what the one class she'd taken was and she answered, "It was a long time ago. I don't remember."

My brother, a malignant narcissist, once tried to belittle me while I was working on my undergraduate degree. He told me that I needed to 'catch up with his TWO master's degrees in photography'. He never went to any accredited school for photography but felt the need to compete with me. What started the whole thing was he asked what was new with me and I simply stated that I had started school to finish my degree. That's just one example of many that he fit which caused me to have to distance myself from him. It's been almost four years of peace so far.

Thank you for your help,time ,and compassion for US( simpler minds ) to learn ! Thank you ,thank you,thank you ! Much appreciated 👍

I’ve put up with a narcissist relative for years. I didn’t know there is an actual name for her behavior. Whenever I was around her, I’d have to defend or explain everything I said no matter what it was. She’s always superior in every way. I’ve been done with her for one year and I really mean that this time. I’ve put up with a pattern of behavior where she eventually will go into explosive rage over something simple. I realized looking back that it’s usually when I’ve made a big decision without her permission. I have no desire to be around her anymore, literally none.

When I was younger, I thought that using big words made me (and other people) sound smart. The older I get, the more I think that truly smart people use big words when they need to and can explain difficult things in simple ways.

One thing I have learned. If someone doesn't feel they have to live by the rules they put on everyone else, they have core problems. This seems to be a common thread that connects major mental/personality problems like narcissism.

I am much better informed after watching this video. Thank you so much for the great in depth content and explanation on this topic.

If you want to really punish a narcissist, point out their mistake and make sure it's something they can't refute.

Phenomenological video Dr. Grande!

This is a legitimately good video. This guy presents it in a way that doesn't feel like he has a seething hate for narcissists, it's factual and put forth without personal bias. Most narcissist videos are rife with criticism and projection, often coming off looking hypocritical. I see lots of narcissist experts that display a lot of the behaviors they're describing... Always thought that was weird.

It's interesting how this align so well with some folks who are outspoken about conspiracy theories like flat-earthers. A handful of them diminish other people pointing out minimal mistakes discarting the entirety, believe in themselves to be smarter than everyone else (even specialists and other credible authorities) to very end of the road and say they are reasoning and being logically right.

A narcissistic gentleman I know told me he dated a woman with an IQ of over 200. I think he said 220. He satisfies the criteria for NPD, for sure. Lying, parasitical, entitled, etc. I've witnessed him in breakdown mode too, which was interesting. It taught me that having NPD can be exceptionally painful.

Narcissists watching this video- "ah, I don't do any of those stupid things; damn, I'm so great"

I actually married into a family of narcs I think. I know for sure and for certain that one of the things they regularly discussed was their IQs. They were completely flabbergasted that I didn’t know mine or my son’s. My oldest child is pretty intelligent, always straight As and in gifted and talented, even received a letter from Duke University when he was 13 wanting him to take the ACT. However, his brother struggled but was technically a savant of some sort. He started taking things apart when he was 3 and fixing them. It taught me really quickly that there are different types of intelligence and all are a gift. My oldest son wanted to be a kid and I thought his childhood was more important than Duke wanting to ‘measure ‘ his intelligence. It was a travesty in the narc family. How could we NOT want to know EXACTLY how smart he was?!?! They completely lost the point that the most beautiful thing about my ‘smart ‘ child was his tender heart and the way he never put himself above others

This video is GOLD, Dr Grande!! It is a spot on description of many of the people I work with!

This is an amazing video. Thank you for posting.

I'm relieved to know that I'm not a narcissist, but an individual that exhibits narcissistic behavior. Thank you for this video.

If a person corrects you in front of everyone, think about your relationship. A person who really cares for you corrects you without embarassing in front of everyone. And kindly.

I stopped my narcissist friend from correcting and trying to display knowledge by telling her that intelligence really isn't knowledge, its processing speed, everyone has different pockets of knowledge based on a lot of factors, formal or informal education, hobbies, etc. But also telling her that she's quick to solve problems, which is true, I wasn't lying to her. So many narcissists are unfortunately very deeply insecure. At any rate, it really solved that issue.

The end of #5 is a big one for me because I remember being corrected on small things by people who claimed to be big thinkers. I thought they were just pushing me to nail down the details. I felt awkward (but eventually liberated) finding, later, that they weren't actually trying to help.

This is actually oddly therapeutic. I have always struggled with why my family is so f'ed up. But hearing him describing narcs traits...wow. that's what I was dealing with all these years. Thank you for this wonderful video.

1) 1:11 - Correcting other people's grammar --when you don't have to or it's impolite to do so They may avoid telling them in order to use it against them later. 2) 3:55 - They often use words incorrectly (that's the irony) 3) 6:16 - They try to talk about areas where they believe other people don't have a lot of knowledge 4) 7:47 - They support a position even though the evidence is against it --they tend to over commit to ideas that protect their ego 5) 9:48 - Attacking people who have different views than them For example: "If that person can't spell that word correctly, I wouldn't trust them with anything" 6) 10:53 - Blaming others --"That person gave me bad information" 7) 11:35 - Using the words 'logic' and 'reason'. Simply by using them makes their argument sound better 8) 12:25 - They discount constructs that are connected with intelligence For example, if they're unsuccessful: "Success is a matter of luck" Or, in front of a very smart person, they focus on their flaws like social inability. 9) 14:42 - Narcissists lie about their performance on intelligence tests --and they don't remember what type of test they took, where, or who administered the test 10) 18:02 - They pretend to understand material that they clearly don't understand

Thank you very much for this illuminating discussion, because now I know that when I deal with some people that I consider less knowledgeable, I tend to act completely as a narcissist, instead of doing what you say and disengage from a conversation that always leaves me very stressed, maybe because the other person is smarter than me.

One of your more top notch videos Dr Grande! Spot on and super informative! Thanks so much 🙏

I worked for a lady who had narcissistic behavior and it’s was a nightmare. She was the owner of the business. She inherited it from her father and really didn’t know anything about how the actual business was run. She would say the craziest things to customers and to us, the staff. You couldn’t correct her any capacity because she thought she knew everything. It was very stressful. The manager there at the time could sometimes talk sense to her, but not always! He quit and she hired a lady with no management experience but was a carbon copy of her. That was to much and many of the staff quit. These types of people constantly make fools of themselves, prey on the soft hearted and folks who aren’t assertive. Always make try to make you feel inadequate and unintelligent. They make being around them miserable and anxiety ridden. I only worked for one....can’t imagine being in a relationship with one.