Paul Clinton Or beyond repair so far as you are concerned. Their mental health is not your problem or responsibility to fix.

@@kevinhornbuckle They are not mentally ill.

Nice one.

@@mr.vargas5648 that is not actually true

@@candacecasey5634 agreed.

Reminds me of Borderline Personality Disorder.

I am learning to be a Narcissistic person.

Trump

They weaponized my wanting to read books and study. They not only presented it as a negative personality trait, but told me it was "holding me back." Imagine.

@Katie P. My narcissistic parents very jealous about my business.they jealous about my outstanding sucess

Williamcult. Good advise.

Yes. I chose to just go through a parenting app and do my best to minimize communication and if necessary, write like it is a business deal with someone I do not know…

Great advice. Thank you.

377

Yes

Good response Stacie Hulm!

So true. I change the subject when my mom starts her praise or insults. Both of them are used to manipulate and I wish it hadn’t taken me so long to figure it out.

They're soooo full of shit. And lies!

I’m not on board to a positive or negative statement towards me. I can sense fake when I hear and see it.

It's interesting you said that. I keep watching this man's videos on narcissists and kept thinking to myself why aren't they getting physically attacked more if there such a pain in the ass to everyone. Wouldn't they be a primary target for violence due to their unlikeability.

ArGonzalez because there’s no way they’re not getting the cops involved (or suing)!

@@elenajohnson6336 Still by sheer numbers of people they affect. You would asume at some point they would have at the very least come into contact with someone who has ASPD. Who would have fucked them up with no care for consequences. Has Dr grande ever done a video detaling someone with NPD meeting someone with ASPD?

NARCS attract empaths, who generally are not violent. NARCS have an innate sense of who they can push around, and who to leave alone.

@@user1.8.2.I think you could break out of the patterns and confusion you describe with the help of a competent therapist with whom you're comfortable and whose opinion you trust. You can understand better what's happening in your interactions and it will give you some relief.

That's awesome!!!

Xime Ruiz Love it!

Score

Wow, that’s cool. Wondering, if they could pick up that you were grey rocking them, maybe they weren’t completely narcissistic?

@@elleblue07 I think it depends on what the person meant by asking him to "engage" with him. My older brother is a malignant narcissist. He can do about 3-5 minutes of superficial social chatting, and then he really needs to either dominate the entire table/room, or in a larger group, corner a few hapless people, with a provocative, aggressive monologue about whatever he's recently "researched" on the internet, usually politics or whatever his newest "career" is. He's been a construction worker, day-trader, EMT/Paramedic, high school teacher, farmer . . so he basically knows everything about everything and is happiest if his audience includes someone who, based on their experience, training, specialization, advanced study or degree, is silly enough to believe they might know more or better than he does. Then he goes straight into abusive remarks about the company they work for, where they went to school, or even their personal lifestyle. It's as predictable as the sunrise. His kryptonite is anyone who appears to be paying attention but has no interest in offering a point of view, opinion, belief, anything he can dispute or mock. He'll later call the person dull or dumb, but my guess is that they've been to his puppet show and seen the strings and just know the best thing to do is to "let him finish" so he'll move along. He truly has no self-awareness, never reflects, and never, ever changes. If he had any sort of authority over a person, like a student or work subordinate, I can definitely see him demanding that person to "engage" with him during a conversation. He believes he's entitled to a reaction from everyone; it's the whole reason he starts a conversation.

Jasmin Schlecht Aaannndddd.....this is one of the reasons why we terminate the relationship with them completely when we become adults.

Jasmin are you my sister?🤣🤣🤣

THAT is an amazing thought process. Any time you talk at a narc (you aren't conversing actively with them, thats for sure).....if you say that in your head before you open your mouth.....you may think twice about what info you divulge. I absolutely love this! Theme song included 🎶🎵 "bad boys..whatcha gonna do when they come for you?" 🎶🎵 I am definitely going to be using this phrase before I say anything to him!! Thanks Dr. Grande ha!

May I borrow this idea? It's a perfect summary of how I act before I say anything to the narc "could this be twisted or used in any way against me?"

Ohhh so true... my mother too

YES they want to get in your head. Surprisingly they already are scary

J. Graham - You have figured out the best method to deal with a narcissistic family member. I see your point and understand your strategy very well. I grew up in a family in which my father and sister are narcisdistic and it was a nightmare until I figured out who they really are. I have maintained no contact since then and it will be a permanent thing. I am glad I am completely detached from them now. Thanks for sharing your experience through a comment. All the best to you.

Sooo true, and I just started to learn how to do it ... being grey neutral and boring... just do grocery make food clean up and let her bla bla bla and leave her puzzled and me free from her toxic soul

Yes they really are shocked when they don't get the usual reaction they are seeking. My husband acted like it was really killing him. He would either start loving bombing for a few minutes or leave. Finally it didn't bother me but it is hard to do when you don't get what you really want. Love and intimacy

Oh, boy, can I relate.

Like realizing that the world is better without them.

I've always preferred "grey" to "gray," myself.

Should i share my business/work related information with my narcissistic parents??they are jealous of my success

@@bravodiyemon1757 I wouldn't call myself any kind of expert, but as someone with a similar sort of upbringing myself I have found that a personal commitment to avoiding external validation has been helpful. I ditched social media accounts, and deliberately ignored the feelings I got from praise from people in general (after politely thanking them- my commitment was purely internal). I think we all want to get positive feedback from parents, but with some parents we crave it because we never really got it. I think it's healthiest to learn to get our validation from inside, instead of continuing to wish someone would give it to us. 🙂

@@barrydworak i think grey rocking is excellent process to nars parents.i personally abused by love bombing and other types of nars abuse for 9 yrs(2012-20).but from 1 month i started grey rock and noticed significant improvement than before.but in the beginning it is extremely difficult to resist narscissistc sociopaths(naropaths) from abusing you.they target your weak points and then try to manipulate you by your secret weapon.but i think being grey rock is a very benefical in the long run also have some risks that we cant avoid.because narcs have no empathy for others.they may pschycically or verbally abusive.but keep in mind that grey rocking a nars or pschypath is just killing their ego and their fragile weakness i mean their image

Look at me, listen to me, I'll act like a toddler if you don't, me, me, me.....

That's awesome. Unbelievable how many of us are experiencing the same exact thing.

I’ll have to do this with my husband

What if you always do a grey rock and then the person decide to hurt you using what you love the most ex. abuse your pets in your face, What you do?

Victory is mine Get the eff out of there if you are not a minor! I have heard stories of people living in their cars with their children until they were able to find a place to live away from the abuse. I grey rocked until the first chance I came across to remove myself from these people, at home and at work. I vowed to myself as a child that I would not subject myself to abuse as an adult and I’ve kept that promise to myself. Do the same for yourself, please, if it’s at all possible. If your abuser is hurting animals, it might not take much for them to cross that line to physically hurting you, too. My prayers are with you.

beautifully put sparky

This advice really works but be prepared for rage. This was the reaction of the narcissist that had me in their grip since I was a toddler. Learning to forgive myself for allowing it to continue as an adult when the signs were there all along is very difficult.

"Getting angry at abuse, is victim mentality" is what that sounds like. Should delete that opinion, it's completely absurd and too far from fact.

Daisy Lou Misaki Dondu would you be angry at a snake if it bit you? I would be angry at myself for allowing the snake close enough to bite.... since it is their nature

We have control over climate by collectively, reducing CO2 emissions into the atmosphere which contribute to global warming. Ex.s plant trees, drive electric vehicles, our electric bill has fees for an energy effeciency program, install solar panels, and moderate your home usage of electric power.

Great idea!

My son figured this out pretty young, too. Eventually he started packing up to come stay with me for long periods of time when his dad would act up. A couple times he avoided his dads house for 6 months at a time. His dad finally got the picture.

I have found this to be true as well. And God help me when I have a weak moment and don't follow this rule I have for myself. It just keeps the cycle going.

Exactly! This is such a good point. The agents for the narcs are coming out of the woodwork, like sneaky cockroaches that love the dark, and pretend to be Allies.

​​@@USHGJDSit's not weak to need to vent to people you know about someone who consistently mistreats you. it's something you have to do that you sometimes don't do bc it's basically a dodging tactic & dodging is exhausting. find ppl who don't know them at all, and vent to those people about them. Don't let them isolate you to where you can't talk to anyone, if you can avoid it

😂😂😂 I'm sorry but it sounded like a "grey rock" joke... I'm glad you got out of that situation...

It sounds very mean to punch you in the head and i think it was a total win for you😊

pls telll me you punched her back

Mark Paladino To choose your health over money, that’s truly something to be proud of. There’s nothing greater than peace of mind.

you should definitely protect your piece of mind...but, you should also find a lawyer that delights in confounding narcissists...ypur inheritance probably needs help grey rocking...

amy joy I agree with this. Get a lawyer to get what you deserve-if possible.

That's not easy. Good luck, never give up.

But how can you be healthy without money

Yes. Think first.

@Pinkaugust my scumbag "father figure," could care less.

was a bout to give the same compliment. these videos are presented in a way that are easy to follow on a complex issue.

Yes they mirror you, warped creatures never stop, it’s a wonder they even sleep.

I couldn’t agree with you more. My husband does this. However I act is how he acts sometimes. If I gray rock and act nonchalant he’s acts nonchalant. I’m Usually the one that has to break the madness. I have to shower him with love to break the cycle

I was thinking about what you say...I realised that one must get to the point where we understand that what they say or do really doesn´t matter and being in a calm state is pleasant for us so we can go to that feeling with no effort.

@James Gerboc Correct! They have studied us and know us well so they know we've changed. I got a lot of rage and punishment for stepping back. I'd prefer a no-opinion robot over the ramped-up punisher, argh! The detachment works beautifully (better, I think) with people who are not already in our homes.

@@Juniperberry1 if you know that your husband is a narcissist, then why would you stay with him? Those people never change

Eliana Boer The narcissist plays the game called, "I get to deceive and manipulate you while representing that you are obligated to be open and forthcoming with me." That's how they roll.

@@kevinhornbuckle lol yes!

@@kevinhornbuckle Yes- they are hypocrites in every aspect of their life.

Same attitude with empathy. They expect boatloads of empathy without giving a drop.

They will just lie and make stuff up if you give them nothing. They have no honor just a need to destroy.

Yes, if one starts down this road they have to be willing to see it through no matter what

@@lizl1407 At times that "road" you're referring to seems more like the hallway from The Shining when engaging with a narcissist. ;)

LOL (NOT REALLY FUNNY) buI yes a dramatic attention getting

Yup my mom threatens suicide when she doesn’t get her way. I had an ex boyfriend who did that when I broke up with him. I don’t fall for that. I’m not responsible for keeping these people alive lol

Sometimes I wonder if my mother was a narc. I vaguely remember never speaking of any emotional problems, thinking that she wouldnt care, pretend to care but not, and it would just make her feel stronger as it proved I was weak and needed her. Codependents are like that too. She was definitely one of those. In ways, they seem to be similar to narcs.

I think the risk of grey rocking across the board is real. But it still might end up being worth it to escape a narc abuser.

I'm creeped out by healthy people. They don't seem real. Ah Ha! Yup! I have a narc detector. Everyone is one now! My emotions are reduced to a form letter for all! This may illustrate what you're saying. Most people are either narcs or the flying monkeys that help them. And while I know this isn't true during the entire day to day I can't help feeling this as a go to defensive measure.

@@troyc6427 codependents are nothing like narcissists

Out of curiosity are you hoping they leave you or you're just completely stuck and have no other choice and it looks like you'll be with them forever ?

Well now your free to run amoke.

I took a course about handling "difficult people", too. It seemed to exist in a weird place between very nearly admitting that office politics are a breeding ground for narcissistic behaviour and claiming that even extremely distructive behaviours would be normal communication challenges. The course was not actually bad, but it felt a lot like a walk on a tightrope.

Kintsugi I believe it’s about fighting against feelings of being ignored or insignificant, it’s what is at the root cause of NPD so it’s a deep fear, Of being invalidated by someone close to them. Or treated like less. I’ve been diagnosed with NPD I don’t believe I would meet the criteria for diagnosis today I never experienced anything like supply or atleast in the way I’ve seen it described. I’ve gotten obsessed with people, maybe this is what supply is. I don’t know, I think the disorder rears it’s head the most when faced with failure or certain types of criticism, certain triggers that have left deep wounds in the psyche. Honestly think about a child who is being ignored by his mother and his feelings are hurt so they act out to get their attention, that’s basically what it is in my opinion

@@fishstix1900 no its actually the desire to upset someone and get the upset response

@@fishstix1900 Is your empathy warm (affective) or cold (cognitive)? Understanding someone's pain, or feeling it yourself?

Blue Colonial Ok, I see, so just not reacting to the theatrics.

Troy C I don’t really know Troy, I guess cognitive would describe it best. To be honest I tended to think people were over exaggerating for attention with emotional displays and I also tended to ignore their circumstances as well, I could understand perfectly if I took the time to think about it or listen properly it just wasn’t my default state.

@Attie’s Mom hey you =) hope all is well. ❣🥳

Absolutely love and adore your name

Get a BOBLOV M5 body camera!

I live in Canada half the year, and Florida the other half. So I can only take the 5th with my narc in the winter.

Yes. I've noticed my limit is 2 hours when another is constantlt pushing and attempting to control.

That's what narcs do when people ignore them. It leads to other gossip and accusations of things that are "wrong" with the victim. They accuse them of being distant, socially inept, etc. You can't win.

Eliana Boer It may already be as concrete as things can get in psychology. I think they refer to it as accepted wisdom.

They will go after you. Be prepared and aware of your surroundings. They will contact your friends for personal information. Continue to pursue you via guilt, shame, manipulation, and criticism, pretending that they care..will threaten suicide..sometimes create superficial wounds follow you around-the-clock..etc!

Stacy Barbeau...I do it too. Don't beat up on yourself. We are normal and want connection and bonding. I figured I must find other, safe and normal people to do this. So I'm doing that but we all need to make some social groups for true empaths too. Yes!

I think the point is to get discarded, so good for you!! Congratulations!

Schizoid was my childhood coping mech to cope with narcissistic caregiver

Did you get out?

@@Thecraftyblacksheep yes he finally evicted me claiming he was dying. No help from him for moving or relocating, lawyers said it would be long process to go after him for unlawful eviction (in pandemic here in Canada not allowed), so i found a place. 8 months later he started leaving voice messages calling me honey, i havent replied.

All the narc has to do is pretend that you spoke with them. They distort and destroy.

Right. They use the kids as tools to get attention for themselves. Effectively, they emotionally and perhaps physically torture the child(ren) in order to elicit attention from the other parent.

Yes

Those communication apps like My Family Wizard and others are a great form of gray rock and it saves all communications as documentation and in chronological order when one sticks to it, yes I agree a pain and time consuming, but aren't narcs going to be a pain regardless. Best wishes to you and yours, stay safe.

It is difficult but gets easier as kids get older. Mine are now 18 and almost 15. Unfortunately they are involved in many sports and activities that bring us together but I’ve got avoidance down pat. He does find cracks in my armor on occasion and comes in for the kill but it just results in me strengthening my armor. He also makes himself look crazy to others when they see him doing his song and dance as I stand there silent. He then tries to punish me when we are out of anyones earshot so vigilance is key. It’s exhausting but Hallelujah I’m almost done lol

Me too. So I like thinking of the tree concept with branches having blossomed. The blossoms are nebulous and overwhelming to you so simply remove the crossbred substructures if you feel it limits your oversight.

@@S3RAVA3LM omg that was so poetic.. i loved the metaphor. I'm not sure if you actually appreciate it, but what the heck! I'll give it a try -- i like thinking of input we receive from people as layers of colour being painted across the bubble of one's soul so when it starts to weigh on it too much, it can always be rinsed away. It's just paint... who we all are.. That's like, high degree of detachment..

@@malabuha you're the best. thx

I'm exhausted. This entire thing was incredibly traumatic. I couldn't begin to describe. But thats what I'm trying to do for this impact statement. My main concern is him staying in prison for a while to allow my daughter time. She's 18.