The hidden narcissist in my opinion is the most dangerous and destructive because they are so sneaky and cunning.

You said “they attack people who attack them”. I have seen many times, and from my own personal experiences, it is more of a “perceived” attack the narcissist sees.

In my relationship with my narcissist ex boyfriend, every interaction with him had some underlying power struggle. It was so exhausting because sometimes I just want to have a friendly adult conversation without having to hold my ground. Its not like I was trying to steal his power, I could care less. But he constantly had to assert himself over me as dominant. It did not feel good. It created arguments which I always ended up losing. He would start verbally berating me & gesturing his hands in my face, with this really intense look in his eyes. It felt like anger was the only genuine emotion he ever felt. Glad that is over with now.

Being a narcissist means never having to say you're sorry.

The Narc lures you in with the illusion that they project. You buy into and bond with this illusion and then they destroy you. That is why it hurts so much when they victimize you!

#6) "Sensitivity to other people asserting themselves is a sign of narcissism." THAT JUST HIT ME LIKE A TON OF BRICKS. Thank you SO MUCH, Dr. Grande.

Main thing to pay attention to: “cognitive empathy”-it’s learned BEHAVIOR; it’s not genuine.

When it comes to narcissists, it’s the people around them who eventually have to seek mental health services because the narc never will.

It’s pathological. The trauma in childhood is an explanation of the behaviour. It shouldn’t be justification. They should be treated as disordered so that they can be responsible for their behaviour and also responsible for their behaviour modification. Narcissism is on rise and should be taken seriously. Excellent presentation Sir! 🙏

They don't take ownership of their ways. They are so abusive.

This gave me chills. My ex-husband was a president of a Fortune 500 company before the age 40. He was always mean but when he gained power, he became EVIL. It's one thing to read about these traits but living through them is unbelievable torture. If you are going through this, document your days in a diary and keep it somewhere safe.

Kind of reminds me of my father. He is the kind of guy who always bragged about how he was so successful and he never went to college and he never took a book home in high school and he got all A's. He is never wrong in an argument and even when he is wrong he is right in his mind. He never says he is sorry and he always makes you feel like it is always your fault when something is wrong in your relationship. It is exhausting being around him because he is so condescending in the way he talks to me and other people and it seems like he enjoys making you feel inferior to him. I have decided just to not talk to him or be around him. I value my own mental health too much to subject myself to being around a person who will never change.

The vindictiveness made the relationship END.... I walked... I REFUSE to give my power away.

In other words the narc is what I would call a toxic person.

My mother was SO crazy..I believed she MUST have been abused in childhood... When I became an adult I started talking to her family and friends about it..They said she was a SPOILED BRAT from the day she was born...no abuse

My covert narc mother used to regularly have roof raising rages at home but in public would act demure and quiet spoken with a forced fake smile on her face . What an act . She regularly told me how bad her mother had been to her and later tried to justify her constant scapegoating and abuse of me by screaming that she had 'put up with MY mother's miserableness' . I certainly never trusted her and actually came to hate her .

This man knows his stuff! There is no one better on KZfaq with providing knowledge and explaining disorders 😊

Something i find interesting about narcisism and narcisists in general is that they usually succeed in low iq or low moral environments or a combination of both, (like in most job environments) but not so much where the overall intelligence of the group is higher. i would like to point out also that one of the main reasons why narcisists dont make good bosses is actually pretty simple: They wil always put their interest before anything else when nobody is watching, and they only are loyal when convenient and as an investment, never as true appreciation for other peoples good characteristics. Thank you Docotor!! Blessings!!!

I think a lot of therapists are easily duped by narcissists. I used to see a therapist for DBT therapy, and I attended her group class. Most of us went voluntarily, but a couple of people were in there as some part of a divorce and/or custody process, either before or after separation. In my 8 months, I saw 2 narcissists, one man and one woman. The group was always a pretty even coed mix, and no one bought into the female narcissist’s story because she was actively cheating on and openly admitting to lying to her husband, and she didn’t seem to understand that we would all be a little judgmental about that, even in our wisest minds, because, hello, dishonesty is not okay and we don’t validate the invalid. But the male narcissist was different. His wife had already separated from him, and he “just wanted his family back” and every woman in the group, including the therapist, swooned and fawned and openly, audibly “awwww”ed at his story (except for me, of course, and I’m not sure if it mattered, but I was the only woman without children in the group at that time). But to me, he was a fraud, because I could pick up on little things on his language that were narcissistic tells, which I had hear verbatim from other narcissists. It wasn’t much of a surprise to me when they both dropped out of the 8 month course at about the two month point. The therapist totally fell for the guy’s BS and it really diminished my confidence in her.

My dad ran off with a narcissist and he’s all alone. He lost everyone, he has no family and he dumped all of his friends for this woman. She also beats him. He allows it. He tolerates it. The last time I saw him he said he believed all the lies she told about us all. I learned that the person who decides to stay with the narcissist is just as sick, if not sicker. They ALLOW it.

They are mean they hurt and use and abuse and think it is funny, if they are nice to you it is because they want to use you, they are empty and heartless Demon is a good name for them!

Like witnessing a 43 year old man having the mindset of a 3 year old, trying to appear like 43.They try to outsmart those in higher position than themselves and land flat with their face on the floor.Even if they make it, everyone around them knows they don't deserve it.People just put up with them out of politeness and good manners and discuss it with people they trust.That's the path we have chosen, not them.They feed off our good intentions and willingness to forgive.I don't think that is enough for a human to be called intelligent.Thank you very much dr Grande!

I disowned my “earthly mother,” her narcissism caused so much pain and destruction. I just Pray I don’t become her!! 🙏

Of course when I call out a narcissist they laugh and belittle me like I don't even know what I'm talking about.

This seems to fit the actions of many politicians. Maybe that's why their priorities focus on themselves and not the country. The more power they get the worse it gets.

The most dangerous one is the handsome man who looks adorable. Their fan club would destroy you or think you are crazy if you mention that they are a demon.

Anger seems to be the only genuine emotion a narcissist feels. I’ve recently had a bruising experience as a line manager dealing with a narcissistic employee. I think he is a really peculiar mix but ultimately a communal narc. The schmoozing and fake sycophancy was cringey. I did everything I could to help build his confidence and to feel more secure. He sucked up to me horrendously it was so embarrassing, and one of his worst traits was dripping poison in my ears about other colleagues in a really sly way, as if he was just trying to be helpful but he knew exactly what he was doing. Drip drip drip. I knew he was a narc and it was hard work for months making him feel he was in control when really I was on him! I had to covertly boost other team members and fortify them against him on the side so that they all knew I knew what this person was like and reassure them that I wasn’t fooled but managing this person so he wasn’t destructive took a certain amount of theatre to ensure his vindictiveness was not triggered. He was the oldest in our work team at almost 50 and really bright, but so very lazy. He was very entitled and felt he was owed respect based on his age and years of experience in our job, but the reality was he was lazy, incompetent and the younger kids on the team were running rings around him and had a great attitude. He saw them all as threats to his position. It didn’t matter how kind everyone was or how much we all tried to support him, he put a big fake smile on but underneath I could tell he hated us all and was constantly furious. He lied incessantly, name dropped and was so toxic, always trying to put divisions between people. It was baffling. Our job is really fast moving, dangerous and hard work, where every individual is essential to the safety and success of the team - and he was clearly struggling but refused to accept he wasn’t able to keep up and wasn’t willing to learn new ways of working to keep himself current. Instead it was everyone else’s fault that the world was changing. I decided to keep him close and made him my deputy, but that was my biggest mistake - giving him authority. He used this status to lord it over others whilst being incompetent himself, and when I discovered what he had been up to in terms of performance standards when I was away, I was horrified. Whenever he was challenged on his lack of basic professionalism and operational skill, it was always someone else’s fault that he hadn’t been trained properly. What really bothered me was his tendency to try and gaslight and mess with other colleagues heads - to try and make them feel insecure and eat at their confidence. As his status started to slip, he tried to dig wedges between me as the boss and other team members and ruin their trust in me - didn’t work but was distressing for everyone. Eventually he made a couple of big mistakes in terms of behaviours and I called time in one spectacular meeting - stripped him of his status and performance managed him to within an inch of his life. All professional and non victimizing, just calm clear and boundaried. The whole team stayed calm and didn’t react and we kept the ship steady to prevent a Catherine Wheel style destructive tornado ripping through the team. He lasted about three weeks after that before out of shame he transferred out to a different specialism, making up some utter BS about his kids saying they were scared he would be injured on duty, and he was leaving the frontline for them and not because of his behaviours and that he had spectacularly offended everyone in his team with the things he had done blah blah blah. He went on a campaign of reputational damage toward me which just failed, everyone knew exactly what had happened and I was well supported by my team and my own boss. I heard he is already in trouble in his new role and has had meltdowns because he can’t cope with the upskilling (it’s a tough role). I now find out he has previous for these behaviours for over 20 years in our organisation and me/ my team are just the latest victims! The most important advice I would have to anyone in the same position is to be really clear and to document everything. And to play the long game, and ensure you keep clarity of thought rather than allowing emotions to run things. Share your strategy with your team to ensure no flying monkeys are created and make it clear you are well aware of the behaviours but that clever, subtle management is a better tactic than overt challenge if you want to minimize the harm. I absolutely relied on the trust of my team to get this person managed, their harm minimized and eventually to get them out. We also achieved this with a positive and supportive environment - despite his bad behaviour the narc was always treated warmly and professionally and never ostracized. By the time I did the final showdown I had so much crystal clear evidence to put on the table, documented over 18 months, that there was nothing this narc could do except skulk away! I ensured all of that documentation was given to his new line manager and that she was fully advised as well - give him a fair crack of the whip but to be aware of his traits. Dr Grande’s videos on narcissism equipped me to manage this individual with the least harm caused to his colleagues and I am forever grateful to this resource! My team are amazing and I am so proud of them for how they rallied around to neutralize this threat and ensure that the narcissist did not win the day 🙌

I escaped from a doomsday cult two months ago and this kinda info really keeps me feeling a little better and less cripplingly guilty for the actions of others, thank you Dr Grande for helping me stop blaming myself 💕

To understand is to forgive. It’s fascinating ~ unfortunately, narcissism can involve sadistic elements

Dr Grande rocking the lumberjack look😎

You described my boss, Dr Grande. The description is so striking that I got chills. Needless to say, the work environment is incredibly toxic.

The vindictivness of a punishing narcissistic parent I've found the hardest to overcome. : (

My narcissistic ex-husband is in total denial. I told him numerous times that he needed help. But he chose to believe that I’m the one with the problem. He makes poor choices, and won’t listen to advice. The other person is always wrong.

The pathology of NPD has filtered down through the generations of my "family." I have seen first-hand the damage the son of a b**** known as my father figure has created. This toxic personality disorder deserves a lot of attention analysis and widespread dissemination. Thank you for doing your share of Goodwill work Gratis on KZfaq. Hats off to Dr. Grande!

this video helped me get a malignant sociopath/narcissist fired from my workplace, these people need to be in solitary confinement. best advice i can give is that these kinds of people always end up shooting themselves in the foot. Patience is the key/document everything

My father is a retired professor with a PhD. He’s too old to want to get better. He wears a mask in front of those who he thinks might help him. He has many contacts and allies giving him a certain power and advantage over others. He has come across as vindictive. I’m scared for my life and that is why I’m frozen and afraid to retaliate or even seek justice against all the wrong that has been done to me.

I always find the interplay between cognitive empathy and affective empathy interesting. Very informative, Doctor. Thank you.

I'll always say that narcissists are half-way to being a full blown socio/psychopath. I've had to deal with several of these types in my life and there's always the (uneasy) sense/feeling that there's something wrong with them, but you can't quite, 'put your finger on it'. They tend to be 'big talkers', but the focus of the conversation always goes back to them and their overinflated ego. Their favorite words are often, 'I', 'me', 'my' and 'mine'. But because they're big talkers they tend to attract a lot of attention, which, of course, feeds their ego and quest for power. For this reason, they often have a pack of lemmings/flying monkeys following them around. If you dare to express independence of thought, feeling, interest, etc. apart from them, they don't like it. Free spirits aren't generally approved of or may even be perceived as a threat to the narcissist.

You have put in apt words all that one living with a narcissist can experience in bits and pieces but never as a whole .Thank you Dr.Grande... Having said that living with a narcissist needs another kind of disorder....It is next to impossible to live with one and retain mental normality.....

I trusted my wife and friends for 27 years. Jesus and God opened my eyes

I think the damage that they can caus also depends on the person who's on the receiving end. There behaviour isn't as damaging on someone who got healty boundries and carries them true. When your a pleasing person that wants to see good in every person it's gonna be a different story. It's easier to get taggled up and hang on for to long...

One of my parents has EXTREME signs of NPD, and despite the fact that I have not seen them since I was 13, and growing up, I was only around them every other weekend, or so, their behaviour still impacts me to this day. At 20 years old, I'm constantly questioning myself, and feel as if my opinion is not valid until at least one person confirms it. (Not just important opinions. If I liked a kind of pizza, and you said 'No, that's gross.' I would be like 'Oh. oh... ok.') I always feel dumb, and stupid, since I was often laughed at for whatever things I did, and when I brought any of it up, I was told I was wrong, without any discussion. It's so harmful.

This makes so much sense -- cognitive empathy as self-centered and the lack of emotional empathy : Memories are arising... connecting more dots. Thank you Dr Grande for sharing these insights.

Grandiose Narcissists pair successfully with Introvert Narcissists. The introvert narcissist lets the Narcissist with Grandiosity to do all the dirty work and look like the bad guy

Vulnerable narcissism is hell to live with. And it's also hell for the people close to them because they don't really know what's going on until it's too late. Sometimes I envy grandiose narcissists. I know all forms of narcissism are dysfunctional but at least grandiose narcissism are more adapted to daily life. Their extraversion and charm brings them success in social situations vulnerable narcissists can only dream of. And while grandiose narcissists are abusive in personal relationships too at least they are more easily recognizable. It's the worst feeling to hear someone you love who once saw you as a good person see you for the controlling insecure narcissist you really are. I experience crushing amounts of shame every time I alienate a romantic partner.

Fantastic Dr. Grande! I have had experience with narcissists and the suffering they can cause is real. The challenge is to recognize this is a pathology and try to find compassion and forgiveness within oneself to deal with such people. Thank you Dr. Grande, you are the best!

This explains my nephew entirely. My late sister was married to a dyed-in-the-wool narcissist. She was very well educated, probably the most talented person I ever knew and rather wealthy. Her eventual husband had about enough education to fit in half of a thimble, a foreign national from Jamaica who came here to America with the clothes on his back, a busted borrowed suitcase tied with twine. She met Hobo Harry at church and when he set his sights on her, he found the Golden Mealticket. She was totally Love Bombed and he quickly found her Achilles Heel: she loved to be flattered and waited on. All through the courtship and engagement, he was like the perfect lapdog/servant, errand boy extraordinaire, personal chef and masseur. Needless to say, my sister paid for everything: she bought herself a $10,000 engagement ring, paid for the lavish wedding with a couple hundred guests, and honeymooned in St.Thomas. She also bought him a car and a van to establish his new business. Hobo showed his true colors on the first night of the honeymoon. He proclaimed to her he was the Entitled One and he would no longer be her personal lapdog chef et al and she better start waiting on him as her husband! What did my sister do? Finished the trainwreck honeymoon, immediately got an expensive Christian counselor to help the Hobo get back his 'first love' back. Needless to say, the marriage had disaster written all over it. She went through at least three of these Christian counselors with no success of him becoming his 'real' loving self. He treated her with thinly veiled contempt and regularly displayed alcoholic rages where the police had to be called. In this union, two children were born. The girl was absolutely born crazy. The baby girl screamed and cried day and night. Years later I asked my sister when baby girl finally slept through the night. She said 'I don't know! I handed her off to her father to deal with, I had a job to go to!' I later learned of Hobo's chronic extreme insomnia and he eagerly sat up all night with the little terror. Baby boy was born about eighteen months after baby girl and as a baby, the polar opposite of his sister. He was one the most pleasant, charming babies I have ever seen. I never saw him cry, he was always smiling and happy. On the other hand, baby girl always seemed to have a frown on her face. My sister was the only mother I knew who had to coach their child on how to smile. My nephew did a 180 when he turned seven years old. It was in his eyes, when he thought no one was looking or when he took a picture. I never said very much to my sister about this and to be honest, I really couldn't put my finger on what was off about him. She thought the sun rose and set in my nephew. After over twenty years of strained marriage, Hobo packed up and left on a Sunday afternoon, before my sister got home from church. There wasn't a note, a call or a text. He filed for divorce and spent years trying to get alimony or some type of spousal payout. He also did his best on trying to make her sell the house so he could get half. My sister had an excellent lawyer and Hobo Harry ended up with zero, not another dime from my sister. My sister's relationship with her now grown daughter was continuing to be very difficult. My niece from birth was always determined to have her way about everything, no matter what. Oh, but my nephew was the Golden Child and could do no wrong. He was totally solicitous and attentive to his mother. To say that she adored him would be an understatement. So when my sister was diagnosed with inoperable, incurable cancer a few years ago, all the masks were off and the fakery came to light. The Golden Child got a look at my sister's estate, control of all her bank accounts and assets. He declared he always hated family, especially me. He was a carbon copy of Hobo Harry, with an college education. He despised his mother for her ideals of honesty and holiness, and was secretly a heavy drinker and smoker, a habitual liar with murderous tendencies. I guess it's kind of difficult to say whether it was nature or nurture when it comes to my nephew's narcissistic proclivities, most likely both.

Dr. Grande's work is so clarified...you need a very honed attention span to follow at times I feel. The concepts are large and definitive...and clear. Listening gives me a very solid sense of workable sign posts in tackling this information. Turning info to knowledge seems as though it takes place here. Very appreciated material!

I really appreciate the scientifically informed approach. Thanks Dr Grande!

The absolute best, laser pinpointed and most detailed description of a Narc that I've ever heard. WOW! Saving this for later. WOW! Thank You!

NO Contact is the only healthy choice including for aging parents.

Vindictiveness plays an important role in making the narcisist more destructive. People do not complain because they are afraid of the vindictive attact of the narcisist and nothing gets the chance to get improved or changed and that is why the critical mass of narcisists in a socially oriented institutions is one narcisist in a position of power. It can bring the whole institution down. Thank you dr Grande.

Dr grande , I enjoy your videos about narcissism and psychopathy because you give the lecture and you're not judgemental, thanks for your videos Doc.

I found this to be incredibly enlightening! I was dealing with several of these traits in one person. I’m newly out of this relationship but I still have contact because this person is my son. I can admit that I was not a good parent when he was young as I was dealing with addiction. I found a way to break the chain and I’m forever grateful. I’m hoping to find a way for him to seek help.

Absolutely fantastic! VERY informative. Thank you so much for putting your knowledge and thoughts out on KZfaq for us all to benefit from!

So true, the longer a Narcissist gets away with their actions, the worse they become. Once you face up to knowing you are dealing with a Narcissist, then you just have to end it, as quickly as possible. I do have a question about Narcissism - Aren't we all somewhat Narcissistic? By that I mean, don't we all have to think of ourselves? This is my issue right now, if I stand up to stop the control and domination and manipulation of a narcist aren't I then being narcissistic?

Videos like this help to confirm things in my life. Much appreciated. Thanks, Grande.

Well-articulated. And well-timed, as well. Great presentation, as always, Doctor. Thx!

Thank you for your videos! Been following you since the rewired soul issues and am glad to see your channel grow!

Dr Grande, Now you know you’ve got a whole lot of people grateful for this info; especially while watching the news these days! Lol! Excellent commentary as always!

Another home run, Dr G!

Yes..yes and yes!!! Thank you for validating so much here...much respect and love Dr Grande..x

Thank you. Best descriptions of covert vs overt narcissism I've heard. Very helpful.

Thank you for your education on the narcissist. Very helpful to me and my siblings. One of our brothers was told years ago by a counselor that he was narcissistic. Through the years his behavior has been hard to understand and it has caused all kinds of problems throughout our family and his. After learning about this from you I have been able to come to terms with the situation and protect myself. My sister and I often share your videos to help us. Thank you so much for the time you put into these videos. It has been a great help to me.

Thank you so much for your videos Dr.🙏!! I’ve had issue(s) with narcissists in my life.. pretty sure it started with my narcissistic mother, so to a degree I was “trained” and a magnet for them.. My last relationship was with, what I believe was a malignant narcissist, who tried to kill me and he nearly succeeded just because I wanted to end the relationship, but thankfully, I was lucky enough to get away with my life, and after that nightmare I basically shut the entire world out, for nearly 4 years.. I’m just now healing and feeling brave enough to start interacting with new people again.. it’s really hard to learn how to trust again after someone you once thought loved you tires to kill you.. I’m so grateful for Dr. Grande informative videos, I’ve learnt so much and come so far just listening to his channel.. you truly are such a blessing for those of us who are unable to obtain or afford counseling. 🙏🤗

Thank you Dr.G ! Love your channel and happy I found you a year ago. You have helped me tremendously with my CPTSD. 14 months “no contact “ with my in-laws. Never been happier!

Awesome video! I worked for a few Attorneys who had Narcissistic Personality Disorder - I am sure of it. They were brutal to work for. Not all the attorneys in the law firms I worked at were like this, but the few I worked for who were caused a lot of trauma in me. Now I won’t let them get me down. I won’t directly work for people like that anymore. If I wind up in a situation like that again (I hope not ever!!), I will cautiously plan my escape! Don’t let them get the best of you. It’s all a power game to them! Keep your power and your chin up! May God bless, strengthen and protect you all who are suffering on this channel! 🙏 ☺️

You’re breakdown is spot on. Ive encountered this in my personal as well as workplace. It’s overwhelming ….

Having read 'People of the Lie by Scott M. Peck and 'The road less traveled' Peck shows an awful lot of traits shared by Narcs are shared by people who are out an out Evil and Evil is Live spelled back- wards. Many forms of Evil but a well known trait is the absence of empathy.

Spot on explaining my ex. His father taught him well. They use money to secure supply but they dont realize they are just being used by said supply. It's so sick. Hard to believe until you see it in action.

You have explained this in a way that I have not heard before. It was alot and I have to watch the video a couple of more times but I appreciate how you broke everything down.

I love your channel because you are always so respectful and non judgemental.

Awesome video. I think a lot of people out here of all different cultural, economic, professional and educational backgrounds are trying to put our heads together and figure out ways to protect ourselves and our loved ones from the atrocious abuse we've suffered and are seeing others suffer, and when clinicians in the mental health field come onto "the scene" with a lot of clarity, curiosity, empathy, consistency and a willingness to share and empower, it's very much appreciated! Thank you for the care and thought you put into your videos!

Doctor Grande you make the complex simple and give those of us who didn’t see the narcissist coming giant eyeglasses to see them going!!!

Yes, sir and thank you for the observations and the terms. #6 knocked my hat off as I had been looking for the definition of that being done to me.

Our youngest is studying Criminology at Uni, Dr Grande and your videos are proving invaluable, many thanks. He thinks your marvellous! He's right! Incidentally, I had no idea that vulnerable and grandiose could kinda segue but now you say it, it makes sense. Thanks so very much for sharing your expertise, it's deeply appreciated by the whole family.🙏

Great explanation. I support the approach of standing against narcissists rather than trying to buy the "peace" from such people by faking emotions. It is not because the latter is shameful or weak but allowing other evil people (like narcissists) to get away with their deeds could result in more harm in the long term or even the short term! I know that many people just want a piece of mind but if the approach of resisting such vile become a culture among people, (generally it will not) I think we will see fewer and fewer narcissists or at least the damage will be minimized.

Dr. Grande I just want to thank you for all you do on your channel. ❤️These videos help me understand why the narcissist in my life is the way he is. Not that this is an excuse. The main thing I’ve learned is how to navigate life with a narcissist that I can not cut contact with(at least not yet.) The biggest take away is the explanations of narcissism from a true professional. It helps me limit the effect his gaslighting has on me because I know what is really going on with him and can keep myself grounded in reality. I know he won’t change but I can. I can control my reactions because I have knowledge now and knowledge is power. 💪

Dr.Grande is something special man!!! The way he breaks this down, even a child can understand.I love it!

Yes I know this video is a couple of year ago but I just discovered what narcissism is and now I’m watching and learning all I can. My narc would yell at me and when I said stop yelling at me he literally said and I quote “I’m not yelling at you I just get excited but the wrong kind of excitement.” Yelling is yelling and I won’t be yelled at. Leave them. Life is too short. Let those narcs stay miserable. They will never change. You have to start thinking with your head and your gut. Peace and love everyone❤️

I've been on KZfaq for years and haven't ever been sufficiently interested in a channel to actually subscribe until now. Thank you for making well-ordered information about mental health accessible. Would you be willing to speak to the evidence for a relationship between eating disorders and narcissism in a future video? I've encountered papers but don't have enough background to understand the implications of them.

I need to meet someone like you in real life! After watching/listening to your videos I occasionally learn and get a different view on things I thought I made my mind up about already. I have also found validation in feelings I have had and I am grateful. Thank you for your thoughts. I really wish I could get a few sessions with a professional like you.

I'm watching these videos on my Nightshifts. I really like this channel. Helps me to keep my own mind on track and reflect myself and people around me

Love this video! This info is what's missing from so many others. Thank you Dr Grande!!

Those are similar to my experiences with narcissists in my life, plus: - they always talk about how they had to endure unimaginable injustices in their lives that no one else did - they made up stories about their hardships and their achievements even though they knew people could easily check and find out the discrepancies - if the conversation veered off even for a few minutes away from them as the main topic they either looked bored, or interrupted - they couldn’t hold a relationship for any amount of time and as soon as they broke off one, the person who only days ago was their best friend or their partner, became a tyrant who had done great injustice to them.

Another thing is like to point out is that narcissists LOVE to deflect. I’ve seen this with both grandiose and introverted narcissism. For example, when they accuse you of something that only they themselves have done. The crazy part is that when they are doing this they tend to know exactly what they have done and understand the morality behind their either criminal or just plain destructive behaviors. The difference is that they just don’t care. My husbands ex girlfriend accused me of being a cocaine addict and claimed she had ‘proof’. But honestly I have never done drugs in my life except nicotine. A few months later she was convicted of possessing narcotics while traveling across state lines.

dr grande is really good on this subject, assessing another persons narcissism is always the most important thing in a relationship

Tried to work with a narcisist. It was a nightmare. He was too controlling and thought he was the best, but he was down deep insecure.

I'm not sure that anybody can truly appreciate, the terribly malevolent nature & malignant intentions of a 'Malignant Narcissist' (Term: Social Psychologist Erich Fromm 1964), unless they have (unfortunately) experienced it for themselves. Yes, it is essentially traumatic experiences, and potential genetics, but to see the arrogance and sadistic pleasure that these individuals garner by others pain, is to witness evil in action. There IS NO EXCUSE for the basically psychopathic abuse meted out by them to generally kind and empathic people. The World is in a grip of a Global crisis of Pathological & Malignant Narcissism, and there are a number of reasons for this exponential rise. DR G, perhaps you might look at the Global Implications of the demise of Empathy, and how Humanity will/is self destruct/ing.

Thank You, Doctor for this summary! I've just realised last year, at age of 45, that my mother is a vulnerable NPD. And as a bonus, I'd been living in a country that has been the playground of a grandious NPD and his mates for over 10 years. It's an anormous work to heal myself from the harms all this done. I appriciate Your wise videos a lot. There are perhaps millions out there who need help but can't reach for it. Your work on YT is invaluable. I'am happy to see a quiet but steadily growing tendency in the world (partly thanks to global sharing of information) that more and more people get aware of the various tipes of harms done by fellow humans and raise their voice against it. Or, at least don't accept it as normal. Than You again.

Your video explains for me why narcicism so prevalent in Educational administrative positions because they are attracted to prestige and power. I have witnessed vindictive Principals, Superintendents, Directors, destroy careers of amazing teachers because they asserted their contractual rights to say no to unsafe work, unreasonable demands or no to toxic meetings, or supported a bullied staff member or student. I've always been shocked such toxic destructive narcisists get promoted in Education. Out of 20 Principals 5 were amazing educational leaders...the rest absolutely power hungry vengeful hateful narcissists who seemed to hate teachers, hate students and parents. They never get fired. Keep spreading misery for decades. I believe this is why bullying culture so prevalent in our schools.

This is good - you're hitting many of the nuances. We think of narcissists lacking empathy - but it's their ability to manifest it in a healthy way. The narcissist in my life used to tell me as a child, "you have to understand what the other person is feeling. you have to put yourself in their shoes." But what they DID with that information was quite destructive. Wow! Then you talked about Vindictiveness - and that is the way the narcissist in my life would use their empathy.

Thank you for making this channel. I believe this kind of information should be avaliable in middle and high schools, known in general public. EQ is very important, self-esteem is very important and it contributes to relationships, life satisfaction, understanding of others, etc. I also believe narcissism is at rise in todays world, so having strong sense of self is crucial. Thank you once again for making my life easier with your videos, they are also very well done and insightful. I share them wherever and with whoever I can. Greetings from Croatia!

Thank you, another valuable clear and concise explanation

Absolutely love these intelligent, informative videos!!! Thank you so much Dr. Grande!!!

Thank you for sharing your widespread knowledge! Recently, in a video listing people to be avoided, I have seen recommendations that we should turnn our back to people who are telling something about somebody else. Seemingly regardless of content it is all called "gossip". This worries me a great deal. This attitude plays right into the hands of both kinds of natcissists. They can go on hurting people, who have no chance comparing experiences with others or finding support for a break up.

Excellent and insightful as always! There's one subject I would like to know more about, and that is narcissism and stalking behaviors. I would love to know more about it. :D

What gets me is that I think the true narcissists are the ones that cause all other narcissists to become narcissists, and I think they get away with it. Also I think I was a pretty destructive narcissist, but I think it was all because of my upbringing and getting addicted to drugs and alcohol, since I quit I think I'm a much better person. I don't know if I'm still a narcissist. I don't know if we can fully change. I feel like I have though.

This is the best objective data! Harmful behavior being their personal choice versus a mental issue is a tough subject. I watch when people feel powerless or powerful over time. And how they handle power when they get any and how they leverage it.

So well articulated. I wish this type of conversation would have been happening when I was younger, ie becoming involved in Intimate Relationships and in counseling sessions regarding my family.