10 Things Narcissists Say To Get You To Doubt Yourself
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If you known a narcissist, you know how much damage they can do. The tricky thing is. that you don't usually see it while it's happening. But over time, the narcissist will say things that subtly break down your self-esteem and sense of self-worth. Learn the types of things they say and get wise to the narcissists games.
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Watch next:
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*In this video, I share the tips, techniques and insights that have worked for me in my own journey of healing after narcissistic abuse along with expert tips and tools I've learned through years of coaching narcissistic abuse survivors. I am not a therapist and this video is not meant to provide therapy of any form. #narcissist #covertnarcissist
@CommonEgo Жыл бұрын
Thanks for watching! So you recognize any of these phrases? Download the complimentary workbook to dealing with toxic people (with toxic relationship checklist) here : commonego.com/how-to-deal-with-toxic-people-guide/
@katrinasmith-mcclelland3349 Жыл бұрын
Ty! This is sooooo hard 💔💔💔😭😭🙏 He had no test from Dr. He has ALL the traits....not violent tho....not to me. I never seen him violent.....physiological....yes.....I just don't understand why or how this could be......
@nelson8965 Жыл бұрын
I'm Nelson, I'm a narcissist. Hi @Christina I have been able to identify some of these traits in my personal behavior. What can I do to improve myself? Please, don't tell me I'm not redeemable.
@PaigeSquared Жыл бұрын
@@katrinasmith-mcclelland3349 80% of women killed by their partners do not experience physical abuse before the fatal event. Verbal abuse escalates. Keep a log.
@NeonCicada Жыл бұрын
@pageashleypage Do you think this comment could have been coming from a trauma centred mindset? _Trauma creates certain cognitive distortions around how we interpret danger and the intentions of others; which can often result in hypervigilance and difficulty trusting._ All of the behaviors mentioned in this video are also common in emotionally immature adults -- and these behaviours (by themselves) doesn't mean a person is likely to murder you or that you need to track them in anticipation of them betraying you someday. I KNOW it can FEEL that way sometimes...but telling women they need to live in fear of their partner murdering them because they have some maladaptive coping mechanisms (like a lot of men & women do) -- can be quite harmful. If you think about it, there's probably been moments in your own life where you've behaved in way that really wasn't ok. You may have even been verbally or emotionally abusive -- and it's possible you didn't realized it at the time because you never intended to abuse anyone. In fact, a lot people don't fully understand just how toxic they've been in those emotionally dysregulated moments. It's not uncommon for people in therapy to learn about how their actions were abuse....for the very first time. (it's not fair to expect people/yourself to know things they/you were never taught) and yes, verbal abuse _*can escalate&_ ...but that's equally true for a lot of things in psychiatry. That fact still doesn't mean 80% of women with partners that have A LOT of therapy work to do...will quite possibly assault women all of a sudden. *_Honestly._* There's a lot of things that might encourage a person to become verbally abusive like this (such as PTSD, BPD, CPTSD, Mood disorders; like depression, SA related trauma, grief, poor social skills, low emotional intelligence, dementia, chronic pain, unresolved content from the past, reactive abuse etc. etc.)
@barbaraseccombe2421 5 ай бұрын
Thanks again for turning on the light. I must have known deep down but now after reading your professional analysis i am absolutely convinced.
@FathersLoveWithoutEnd Жыл бұрын
Don't forget the classic: "You're just too sensitive "
@schaufuss Жыл бұрын
So true that
@sgtmuffinbadger6147 Жыл бұрын
This is the big one
@deannag4581 Жыл бұрын
Or the variation "It wouldn't bother most people"
@sgtmuffinbadger6147 Жыл бұрын
@@deannag4581 I swear they all use the same playbook lol. Mine said this to
@CynthiaSchoenbauer Жыл бұрын
@@sgtmuffinbadger6147 That one hurt me a lot.
@JamesGreenier Жыл бұрын
“You will never change.” I told her yesterday. “You are right. I’ll never change. Because I like who I am and I’ll never change for anyone. And there are plenty of women who would love to be by my side.”
@CynthiaSchoenbauer Жыл бұрын
Absolutely. Why would someone want to change when they like themselves? I really liked who I was when I was growing up, but they made me change by making me think there was something wrong with who I am.
@francesbernard2445 Жыл бұрын
Have a nice life James.
@JamesGreenier Жыл бұрын
@@francesbernard2445 it’s wonderful. And you as well!
@AttainTheGrain Жыл бұрын
Gigachad
@TaiChiRehab 11 ай бұрын
How do you know youll never change? Maybe in a few years you will look back and realise you have probably changed like now, if you look back years ago you have most likely changed since then. Maybe you are wrong and she knows it
@izawaniek2568 Жыл бұрын
Narcisists break your spirit and that is pure evil at work. Thank you Christina.
@CynthiaSchoenbauer Жыл бұрын
Absolutely. Pure and unadulterated evil to play with my heart. It was sooo bad that I did not even KNOW who was breaking because it was so covert.
@casperinsight3524 Жыл бұрын
Observe don t absorb ....let their words bounce off you
@CynthiaSchoenbauer Жыл бұрын
Good advice but easier said than done. But I know there is a way to still do that. That is a very GROWN place. 👁
@iamgoddessoflove Жыл бұрын
It takes time to heal from narcissist abuse because they don’t only break your heart, but spirit also. 💙KZfaqr That Helps People Overcome Toxic Relationships
@metatechnologist Жыл бұрын
"weaponized words". I submit the better word is "predatory".
@RoseThePhoenix Жыл бұрын
It's so validating to hear his words repeated in this context. This is a clear pattern that a lot of people utilize, and it wasn't my fault.
@izawaniek2568 Жыл бұрын
Healing from narcistic abuse takes time and so does the rewiring the old programming. We will get over that but we need patience for ourselves.
@will_Iam61 Жыл бұрын
I have to say that I have not heard these from my vulnerable narcissist, but then her approach to tear me down is a lot more subtle. I heard a few of these from my overt narcissist father when I was growing up.
@CynthiaSchoenbauer Жыл бұрын
My mother would catch me in "mistakes" that were not really happening to make me feel dumb. But strong and confident is where I would like to be and so I make that my goal. I used to be that way, and I want to go back to that way of feeling about my self.
@mariamihalakis2988 Жыл бұрын
All resonated...i was married to a covert narc for 38 yrs..
@CynthiaSchoenbauer Жыл бұрын
That is a lot of "bull" to have to sustain for that long of a time.
@mariamihalakis2988 Жыл бұрын
@@CynthiaSchoenbauer True...i was 17 and naive! He isolated me from everyone..made me look like a crazy person ..untill I stumbled on an article about narcissism ..Thats when it all made sence, i was reading my life..
@2007cgarza Жыл бұрын
My narcissist uses the silent treatment as a punishment for days. As a result all that work of words is accomplished by me in my own mind! I still react initially, but now recognize that I can remove myself from the situation and surround myself with other people who respect me and I feel comfortable with, until he snaps out of it...and I'm starting to really internalize that I am not at fault for his decision to gaslight and challenge my worth. That's "his zoo/his monkeys" :)
@BeautyBeatdown 6 ай бұрын
"I can't talk to you when you get too emotional!" --after having a narcissist rage at me, when I've finally been broken and start crying
@lc4972 Жыл бұрын
"Of course I lied to you, because you over react and get upset when you hear the truth. " and "everybody lies" and " a white lie isn't a lie" and "everybody has secrets"... etc etc etc Mine kept many secrets (usually concerning other women) and in the end we couldn't talk anymore. Everything I said was taken as an attack. Took me years, but I finally bailed permanently!
@CynthiaSchoenbauer Жыл бұрын
Yes! This one is either said or implied often in my past life and needs to be uprooted. Thanks for the contribution.
@SanNik9 11 ай бұрын
That is so hard. My recent ex (still living together) told sooo many lies and really committed to them. Now that he's "practicing honesty" and I'm making sure to react VERY calmly, often having to downplay my feelings about what I'm hearing (and I've always reacted calmly, I'm not an angry or loud person at all) it's like if I have any feeling or ask more, it's "everytime I open up, it goes badly or blows up in my face" "it's hard to want to open up when it ends up like this" .... Ummm? Reality check... I thanked him MULTIPLE TIMES for his bravery with being honesty, and only said that I felt slightly sad that he's acting like he's trying to fix things with me and were acting largely like a couple... Meanwhile he's getting sympathy from his female coworkers and clarifying to them that I'm his ex... 🙄 I'm so frustrated with myself for falling for what seems to have been his big act. He seemed so sincere and safe... Mind you I always had a nagging gut feeling and questioned myself on it.... Convincing myself if was past trauma because my ex was a very in your face, aggressive narcissist
@steph3098 11 ай бұрын
I got that one! I lied about where I was cause I didn't wanna hurt your feelings.
@prov25two66 10 ай бұрын
Sad thing is,I started to lie about bills and the like because mine would go for over an hour about"who forgets to pay a bill" on and on and never let me speak and I felt like crap after, so I started lying.
@SanNik9 10 ай бұрын
@@steph3098 ugh I'm sorry 🥺 if they have to lie about something they did to not hurt or feelings... Chances are high that they know its not appropriate during a relationship!
@AthenaVelecta Жыл бұрын
Some my narc mother loved to use when I mentioned an interest or hobby or goal or career possibility was "Why do you insist on trying to do things you know you will never be good at?" Or " Your not good at anything, your not even capable of being good at anything."
@CommonEgo Жыл бұрын
Thanks for sharing. I hope you're proving her wrong every day... because that's her story, not yours 🙏❤️
@thecementhead 6 ай бұрын
My mom did that to me. A woman asked me if I made furniture and my mom said, in front of both of us “He thinks he can”.
@bevyetc5307 5 ай бұрын
Sounds like my mother
@will_Iam61 Жыл бұрын
I love your set design. It's obvious you chose the shapes and colors for your video to compliment each other. Kudos!
@teripersson1308 Жыл бұрын
I am pretty convinced my ex (if he can be called that) is a Covert Narcissist. Where you mention at the end about the cycles- had several cycles over 4 years. He would hoover, I would get sucked back in. I thought it was just because he had commitment issues. There was that to an extent, but the devaluation in the early stages was the give away. Some examples 'you're the shortest person I've been with' 'Why don't you dye your hair (to his favourite colour in a woman)? 'If you dye your hair, I might put a ring on your finger'. I feel sorry for him. Very shallow. No depth of character. He knew I had him sussed so when I finally decided I had had enough, (aka giving the benefit of the doubt too much) I told him I was deleting his number, that way he would know the door was no longer open.
@roxymovie3938 Жыл бұрын
N. say things to destroy your self-esteem over time. They do this very subtle, often by repeating same phrases over and over again. 10 sentences you might hear from a toxic person: 1. "How could you even bring that up when you know that there are more important things to talk about?" / "These other persons - they have it so much worse than you." -> triggering your shame that you feel ashamed of your own feelings -> minimizing -> gaslighting 2. "You need to do this thing for me!" -> they let you think that their time is much more important than yours -> Entitlement/expectation that you have to make their life easier for them 3. "If you ask/do this again, I am out!" -> this is a threat of abandonment -> this is a form of control -> N. always give you the feeling as if they are with one foot out of the door 4. "Your ex is right! You are a mess/crazy/jalous." -> this is a subtle form of triangulation 5. "You ruined my life/it is your fault!" -> blame-shifting -> victimhood => everybody is responsible for his own actions/reactions/decissions/feelings 6. "I am sorry I hurt you." -> pseudo-apology because they do not mean it like you think and you can proove it through their non-changing in acting different next time -> subtle form of blame-shifting -> gaslighting byond 7. "It is all your fault!" -> projection -> blame-shifting 8. "If you were not so gullible, you would know the truth!" -> blame-shifting 9. "If you were not so stupid, I would not need to repeat myself so often!" -> blame-shifting 10. "That's the last time I ask your advice/help!" -> telling you "you are not good enough" Be aware: A N. deeply feels insecure and powerless. From the inside he is an empty shell and he needs you to feel himself (secure and powerfull). So when you hear these kind of sentences, remember that it is not your fault!!! These are techniques to manipulate you and mostly of the time they come quite naturally to a N. because he needs you to feel "bigger" in order to survive.
@sumari972 Жыл бұрын
just a couple of them had been missing in my relationships... 🙈 One subtle variation of the last one still stays in my mind. I was excited about something new that I heard of and telling him about my discovery, he looked from above his glasses like a teacher and said to me smiling: Oh, how comes you didn't know about it till now?! I thought you would...
@clairefalvey6813 Ай бұрын
I woke one morning to a barrage of messages from the narc and I had had a few drinks the night prior and had messaged about my own loss of a parent in regard to his comments on someone losing a parent and they were suffering. In the many messages I was told was telling me that I had no right to tell him (who had both parents) about offering sympathy to someone who was losing a parent. They my own personal experience of parental loss was not comparable to another person losing a parent - they were suffering more than I was/did/could. I remember thinking at the time it was an over-the-top response and a complete shutting down of me and my feelings/side/perspective - as he didn't "value anything I had to say". WOW!
@Bianca-sw5id 3 ай бұрын
Liked to tell me to : "think about it"
@sawdustadikt979 Жыл бұрын
I’ve experienced all of these through my life growing up in a family the had every variation of cluster b. Since that is how I had to grow up, all of my friendships were of this dynamic since that is what I’m familiar with. I’m now middle aged and self employed carpenter. I separated from all of my family and friends. The only people in my life are my wonderful wife and son. I could speak on all of these things but what rose to the top was the second. I get calls from people all the time entitled to my undivided attention, time and skill. When I pick up on this theme which can be brazenly apparent in the first few sentences, I have ways of referring them to other contractors. After decades of therapy, coaching and educating myself I’ve come to see that I have massive blind spots due to lots of extreme trauma over decades of time. At this time, it’s best for me to read red flags and avoid these people at all costs. Because the cost of doing business with them has cost me everything, multiple times over. Figure out where your at, work with that the best you can keeping in mind that you will modify and improve with time.
@Mothermochi Жыл бұрын
Yep, I’ve been called stupid so much in this relationship. I did exactly as you said. Excuse it. The weirdest part is my spouse said negative things about himself constantly - self pity. Eventually he started acting like I said and felt those things about him
@sumari972 Жыл бұрын
what they say to you it's always about them. A wise person would never hurt you with words
@sms1067 Жыл бұрын
Projection is very real.
@sandypurcell756 Жыл бұрын
He hears things I dont say
@BeautyBeatdown 6 ай бұрын
Mine is lying and saying I've called him stupid. I've never done that. I don't understand
@Mothermochi 6 ай бұрын
@@BeautyBeatdown hang in there. That person is likely mentally ill and you are just the target of there frustration because they can not function like a adult. I’m a year and counting out of my marriage. Distance helps a lot. I could write a book with all the things k was accused of - including stealing. He harassed me for months about money he gave me and I used to buy appliances for our home (that we all used).
@truthh8597 Жыл бұрын
10 Things Toxic People Say to break your self esteem- 1) How could you even bring that up? Other people have it even worse 2) You need to do this for me totally 3) Triangulation Your ex was right.. you’re jealous You ruined my life 4) I’m sorry that you thought I did something hurtful You’re not capable of understanding 5) It’s your fault that I’m this way 6) You’re too gullible 7) If you were not so stupid I would not have to say/do this again 8) You are not good enough 9) Make you feel stuck and you end up procrastinating 10) Demean you
@Jazzmaster1992 Жыл бұрын
The second point is tricky because it is so subtle. People will tell you that taking care of your own needs should come first for yourself before the needs of others, which is generally true. However, there is a clear distinction between being the one that meets your own needs and sets boundaries, and expecting the people around you to do it for you. I've gotten trapped by this because I was very considerate of others and trying to right by them, thinking it made me a good person who is unselfish. Turns out I was just being used and exploited for my time, energy and resources by far more people than I care to admit. One thing I will say is that the folks who have to outwardly say that they only care about themselves and only you will ever care for yourself, etc. are usually the ones who are this way, and are projecting their worldview onto everything and everyone else.
@gloriachapman5618 Жыл бұрын
He would mince my words and twist them into things I didn’t say or mean. Just to fit his narrative.
@CynthiaSchoenbauer Жыл бұрын
Mine too! I had someone twist around what I was asking for so bad, that I can not characterize them as anything but slippery/slithery....🪱NOTHING I could do to stop it and defend my self in the moment. I did not ask for that... but that is what I got.
@garycordle5295 Жыл бұрын
This is so true Christina, it's the gas lighting and running hot and cold and it leaves people hope,👍 Christina thanks for the video 🦋
@CynthiaSchoenbauer Жыл бұрын
Yes, hot and cold. No sustained support when real relationships are about support. I validate your wisdom and give it back to you. I like that relationships are here to help us, but only when it is good.
@casperinsight3524 Жыл бұрын
False hope
@casperinsight3524 Жыл бұрын
Gaslighting creates cognitive distortion
@AyushRaj-uu1dw Жыл бұрын
I related to this video so much especially the part at 3:13 as this is something that has personally happened to me and done my no one else but my own mother. Thank You for putting this video out here
@katrinasmith-mcclelland3349 Жыл бұрын
He may have hurt my heart and blew my mind....NO ONE can break my spirit! I'm covered!
@CynthiaSchoenbauer Жыл бұрын
Absolutely for me too. With a statement like that I can know what I am protecting. I am protecting my spirit. That is defense against evil! Thanks for that good statement.
@katrinasmith-mcclelland3349 Жыл бұрын
You are so welcome! No weapon formed against you shall prosper!
@hideousmorbideous9249 Жыл бұрын
]}··¤··{[ great words of wisdom .*.*.*.
@nr5919 Жыл бұрын
This is an excellent video. Thank you for creating it x
@NSEasternShoreChemist Жыл бұрын
My dad uses "you need to do this thing for me right now!" whenever he wants something done. The "if you say act this way to someone else, they'll never want to see you again" (aka "one foot out the door") was used to shame me when I made social mistakes as a child. By both parents. The "fauxpology" is something my father uses to put my mother down. "It's your fault I'm this way" is a classic. "I wouldn't have to repeat myself if you didn't keep forgetting" -- yeah, I hear this too.
@ChrisLewis-ws7eu 3 ай бұрын
When I started struggling with mental illness as a young teenager, it was made very clear to me that it wasn't a 'real' thing, just an expression of weakness, failure and trying to cause them trouble. This has had serious repercussions my whole life... on top of the difficulties involved with the illness itself. I was told I was 'doing it to them' because I 'hate' them and, also, bizarrely, because I wanted to 'destroy their business'. I was asked to apologise (!!!!!!) to my brother. I could not be trusted or believed because I was 'on drugs' - ie medication prescribed by a qualified doctor. When I finally got some help and saw a psychologist for the first time and I felt things may get better, they cancelled it. I had to wait years until I was old enough to access medical care on my own. My health was neglected and I was abused for it because it was inconvenient, embarrassing to them and clashed with the image they wanted to project. I think it was also inconvenient for them to be 'forced' to deal with a sick child. I think maybe the psych I saw that first time told my ma some uncomfortable facts she couldn't tolerate, and took as a personal attack...? For this, and other similar reasons I am no longer in contact with my family.
@dinab7852 10 ай бұрын
This video describes my narcissistic ex-husband 90%. God bless you 🙏 for your lifesaving channel.
@izawaniek2568 10 ай бұрын
Everything you said I have experienced as well. It is so true. Healing is a journey and we will get there. Thank you so much Christina. God bless you❤
@Someoneoutthere67 Жыл бұрын
I love this channel and your wisdom on this subject.
@thewaywardtrio Жыл бұрын
Christina your so knowledgeable and in addition your a gifted communicator as well. Thanks again for another great video
@MegaBrousseau Жыл бұрын
Thank you for sharing your personal experiences!!! It's inspiring! My narc adult daughter told me I have dementia when I witnessed a situation of child molestation.
@martinbadenhorst5632 Жыл бұрын
The information you give us are so valuable. Thank you so so much. ❤
@CynthiaSchoenbauer Жыл бұрын
I Agree! She comes from a very good place of equality, I believe.
@deezgex 6 ай бұрын
Yup def played the im all these names,referenced in insults for her actions justifying her choosing to belittle me. Then sometimes back to living in a day or so
@eddieh3580 Жыл бұрын
Oh my goodness you nailed it this is what I have been experiencing for the past year and couple months I’m on 35 days without talking to them after I was blocked again and I finally express myself maybe a little too harsh person apologized but they didn’t like it and showed me the screenshot of the things I said via email and I did not reply. Trying to recover. Thank you so much for validating my feelings and experience
@CynthiaSchoenbauer Жыл бұрын
I love the "Repeat Myself" one. This one is very good for me to know.
@casperinsight3524 Жыл бұрын
They repeat themselves like a broken record, repetition does not equal truth, its mind control.
@izawaniek2568 Жыл бұрын
Thank you for absolutely great observations and advice. ❤
@Ra0935 Жыл бұрын
All if this is so on point with what I experienced. Wow! This is so crazy to me that I lived this and couldn’t see the control they had over me.
@CynthiaSchoenbauer Жыл бұрын
This is an extraordinary topic for me because I always just feel bad when it is done to me and beat-myself-up for not being "above" it which I tell my self I should be at this stage of my life. But I can't ever be above abuse from those I have trusted with my self-esteem. I need good experiences in relationships to seal in a good sense of self. And I need to do it with those I trust. Naturally I look to others to back up the changes that I am making in myself but that does NOT include any narcs.
@nicoledemaio887 5 ай бұрын
Oh you stood in the way of their dreams… my favorite one
@sakshijogdand8053 Жыл бұрын
Entitlement, I felt that so much and even the 3rd one. He constantly said things like "I will never talk to you again." "You ruined my life" was something I heard the whole time last year when he came to know that I tried to tell the new supply that he was cheating on her with me pr basically double dating.
@NKRAIEM Жыл бұрын
My NPD girl friend would tell me occasionally " I didn't divorce a Multi millionaire for this". Wild! And I didn't walk 😢
@TimKerman 9 ай бұрын
Very helpful
@barbaraseccombe2421 5 ай бұрын
Yes you all have great points pity i didnt read this long time ago
@cymbolichuman433 Жыл бұрын
One day he admitted that he wanted to "break me"... And i said" "Good luck with that". He made a good effort though, and made my life a living hell. I made a good effort too by grey rock and leaving. It's awful when you have kids.
@prov25two66 10 ай бұрын
Man, I'm just now seeing all of it. I think because I didn't hear it word for word, it wasn't happening. But damn. It's definitely happening. The depression this week, after starting to truly see what's going on after divorce was brought up for the hundredth time, is crazy. I feel so..I don't know. Just bad haha. Thanks for the info. It's a great help
@2007cgarza Жыл бұрын
Something I haven't seen specifically addressed is frequent comments such as, after my making dinner or a dish, "oh. do you think you should have cut those pieces smaller? (random)" "oh. you made that?" (Duh obviously)... Zero reason to say anything if good intentions...you mentioned at the end that healing and rewiring is a journey, exactly and thank you.
@lc4972 Жыл бұрын
He told me that I bait and switched on him. I'm so glad to be out of that hot mess!
@patooter5559 3 ай бұрын
The projection 😑
@deezgex 6 ай бұрын
She talked about her re wiring herself from the beggining of our relationship from her past traumas. But it seamed it just transfered to me because it went on and off non stop till became all my fault
@realKHz Жыл бұрын
a lot of these are said to the narcissist, like deliberately misinterpreting my words, or twisting what i am saying. there were others, but i forget
@Someoneoutthere67 Жыл бұрын
Yes!
@JoyLearnSallay Жыл бұрын
Omg, all the time!
@jeanettewright5077 Жыл бұрын
Yes I was the problem. My whole life lol 😂 xx Thanku x
@hisfavorite08 Жыл бұрын
Or how many times I was told even when I absolutely asked a Clear question With A Question Mark I'd be told "well you didn't ask a question". If I pushed for an answer he'd Blow Up cause a Huge fight and Refuse to give me the answer I Simply Asked for stating his refusal was out of "principal" and "it was my fault" he refused to answer me because "I caused the argument". I HATE that I still love him!!!
@fernandomartin3517 5 ай бұрын
She did tell me one time!!! But she leveling ALONE!!!! We're i be stuck, trying to run to Arkansas!!! WOW
@Someoneoutthere67 Жыл бұрын
It is a process for sure
@Marauder-kd8zi 5 ай бұрын
I was told I was over analyzing everything after the breakup and told I needed thicker skin around her when we were together
@stylist62 6 ай бұрын
Acting dumb like they did nothing when they are stealing from you cheating lying, the thought of it hurts inside. Accusing you playing victim living for free not helping with anything disrespecting your home, this is a vile creature not a husband, playing with your head emotions, continually words say one thing actions from hell 9 months in my healing took me from so much hide their money make you feel ashamed punish you for everything you do. Playing victim. Lord please heal and help everyone going through this🙏🥰😢 I had no idea these monsters exist running in circles giving helping crying prayers 😭 It’s changed me, I was so afraid thought it was me😭 Doing good healing get away trust your feelings they are right even if there is too many at once.
@dinab7852 9 ай бұрын
My narcissistic ex-husband blames all his problems on me even though he's 100% to blame for his problems because he has serious anger issues and is incompetent in a lot of areas. All I ever did/do is help him all the time and for everything he needs, but it doesn't matter, all his problems are my fault and all I get in return for helping him all the time is: yelling, zero appreciation/gratitude and blaming me for all his problems.
@deezgex 6 ай бұрын
Im guilty of the crazy part because i kept going through it and was told i was all kinds of horrible things just when trying to talk about a issue
@deezgex 6 ай бұрын
And the way she acted in rage and thrashing around having fits was far from normal in any way possible
@bryan_witha_whyy 7 ай бұрын
My wife has a serious epilepsy disorder and she will bring that up whenever anyone tries to share feelings of frustration with her. Totally manipulative and maddening to the whole family.
@deezgex 6 ай бұрын
Yup i got blamed for her actions, hateful words, and for her being mean even towards her kids etc
@angelm6497 6 ай бұрын
My turning point was after being run ragged putting him and my son before me, I fell ill and wasn't expected to survive. I faced a long recovery period. I never thought that when I was down, I would be left to struggle on, dimply because I was down far too long. I began to understand that he was sucking the life out of me, that I had been stressed out dealing with his f ups the entire relationship and that I could not rely on him for anything. I caught onto Covert Narcs by recognising my mother was a Narc, yhis then ked me into the covert narc and I started to understand the relationship dynamics. Because of my mother I would never tolerate overt abuse. He was told if that was the kind of relationship he wanted, there was the door. Had I understood Covert Narcissisism, I would have been out off it much sooner. One of his key tricks was getting strangers to attack me, yet they would swoon over him. Then he'd say, I don't know why they don't like you. With my GP, hed say, I think your mother's said something to her and thats why she's such a bitch to you. Yes they rewrite history. Telling you thats not what happened. They didnt say that.
@misswednesday Жыл бұрын
Your voice is very calming which adds comfort to your validation of us 🥰 What microphone are you using? Thank you!
@rockybalboa4593 Жыл бұрын
“You don’t know me”. I heard that one plenty from my most recent one!!! Mine apologized but it was a blanket statement shallow apology with no specificities. He tried to say narcissists and sociopaths aren’t known for their apologies and I’ve apologized to you. That can only mean he’s been called one before that he knew the terminology
@elizadomealittle Жыл бұрын
"Don't be so selfish, just think about all the hungry children in Africa that have it so much worse than you." That's what I heard so often from narcissists, their flying monkeys or uneducated/desinterested people. In fact, African or not, suffering children of any kind make my heart bleed. Or suffering animals, suffering people in general, and all the coldness and injustice in the world. Nonetheless, everyone has their own backpack which you can not compare in any way. Shame should be on those who shame others without reflecting.
@casperinsight3524 Жыл бұрын
I experienced this from altruistic religious pastor and his wife, Riding high on their horses of sanctimonious superiority. Beware ...shame and judgement harms not helps. If someone makes you feel bad about yourself, pay close attention, it may not be your problem, but theirs.
@andrewschoenfeldt5620 8 ай бұрын
I've got to the point in the relationship that I'd become short abd irritated saying "Fe3k are you stupid" it was wrong, I went to the hospital and got help with anti anxiety meds. I thought I was the problem. I after some self reflection, your videos and identifying myself as a sigma male I realize my nature led to the use and abuse you talk about in all of your videos. My mother is an overt narcissist 💯 and your videos paint my wife to be a covert narcissist. I however find it hard to believe she is not empathetic. She's the most empathetic petson I know, just not towards me. Feels like im in a one sided relationship of use, use and dangling carrots. But raised as a recluse to society I found this to be the best relationship Ive ever had or seen. Breaks my heart and hard to start to try to get away and heal.
@deezgex 6 ай бұрын
She wouldnt admit lying she would ignore it and attack me on how i am and i wouldnt listen and follow her in her known truth
@anonymous-ze2ug 10 ай бұрын
I don't know if I agree on the 1st one as there is always someone worst off and if u look at that person it makes you count your blessings.
@jl9769 Жыл бұрын
Yesterday, my narc wanted to do something that he knew would break my boundary on the topic, he was expecting me to explode angrily about it to get his narcissistic supply. Instead, I looked him direct in the eyes and calmly said , “I’ve said no on that and it is still no.” He says, “You need to forget what I said (that caused me to put up this boundary with him.) I calmly replied, no, and went about my day. They do not like being told no , but to have the strength to look them in the eyes AND calmly say no to what they believe they should get, oh boy. I get the stonewall silence now, but my narc was really becoming annoying this week so I’m enjoying my weekend of silence!!!
@minimumwage2millionaire Жыл бұрын
I ended our relationship. I was getting all of the things mentioned. It became physically violent. That was the last straw for me. I still love her, so I had to do an exit plan. But my plan was cut short when she said something that tore me apart and I ended it. They got angry, packed up, Said more hurtful things and left.
@Someoneoutthere67 Жыл бұрын
Boy oh boy! 😅
@jasonstone8222 Жыл бұрын
any more in my life. first time someone intentionally lies to me or gaslights me. instant doorslam after confrontation.....if someone lies to you its disrespect and if someone can't value your relationship enough not to lie to you then they do not have the capacity to live you. and if someone will lie to you they will also steal from you or worse. trust goes out the window. is also a sign they are users and abusers and highly manipulative.
@iopakayalo3459 Жыл бұрын
"You will never believe me so what's the point?"
@francesbernard2445 Жыл бұрын
A narcissist on the other hand is probable going to take offense while no offense was intended at all when we are trying to repair the relationship with them in good faith 'too' according to them. Since they are often counting on having the upper hand given a list of double standards they like to rely on most. And so while being around them we get the sense that we are constant in a double dilemma which ends up feeling exhausting.
@nicoledemaio887 5 ай бұрын
You cant ask about about things they are hiding … and they always have one foot out the door.
@briancorrer7775 9 ай бұрын
I caught my ex wife talking to multiple people almost all of the time online and her phone, eventually she just double passwords everything and wouldn’t even walk away from the computer to use the bathroom quickly without locking it completely down. When I would bring up the behavior I would get a response of “well it makes you mad when you see the people I’m flirting with so I hide it so you don’t get upset”. Never mind being faithful to your husband instead….
@Marauder-kd8zi 5 ай бұрын
I was compared to my exes mom and dad 😢 when that was not even who I was
@jeanettewright5077 Жыл бұрын
I've always been mental and weak 4 crying. No I'm jus real. Xx
@samothom7333 7 ай бұрын
I told the Narc that im not going to be put in a miserable situation by her next thing i hear from the flying monkeys is that im miserable and making the work environment hostile the exact thing the Narc was doing.
@realKHz Жыл бұрын
i think it's important to acknowledge reactive abuse. a lot of the narcissistic behaviour can lead the survivor to feel that the narc is to blame, for making them "feel this way," and to even get angry and start screaming when having been gaslighted and invalidated. i got so angry with someone for not accepting my explanation of a situation, and then suggesting how i was maybe to blame. they didn't even try to see the situation from my point of view, and didn't ask the other party, and in fact, went out for dinner with them, making out like nothing had happened.
@montoya1310 Жыл бұрын
I have a question so Saturday night out of nowhere she tells me she didn’t wanted me to get near her or kiss her she was looking at me sideways like I did something bad to her when I didn’t do absolutely nothing to her I even bought her a microwave for her new home I was expecting her to say hey thank you babe instead she was there with her face mad I didn’t know what was going on so I really got mad and I told her that it’s not fair for her to act that way because I do so much for her and she tells me oh you throwing what you do for me in my face I said no you don’t get my point of view I do so much to come home and you treating me like shit so she took it in a bad way and now she says she doesn’t want to be with someone that’s gonna throw things in her face so now it’s my fault my question is she a narcissist or she just toxic??
@deezgex 6 ай бұрын
She would tell me she really loves me but in the moment she did hate me or mean the things she said but just in those moments
@alimccreery755 Жыл бұрын
I’m totally with grey rocking and stonewalling 👍
@wtr7 9 ай бұрын
"Are you still mad?" No, was never mad, it was a decision. Went no contact with the narc ...
@izawaniek2568 10 ай бұрын
Narcisists will do anything to undermine your self-confidence and If they succeed, their taking over of the person’s life is just a matter of time. We must not Let them to get us to a place where we feel lost.
@janettekreulen54 Жыл бұрын
This doing a covert narc...he talks negative about a situation with a person and he go over and over again. So you give also a negative reaction about this person and suddenly you have done it ..that what you say is not true..you have ot wrong he is suddenly his best friend. And you feeling bad that you say something negative you fall in to the same trap that he did weeks a go.
@blainefiasco8225 11 ай бұрын
Normal people do #1 all the time. It's called relative privation. It's the whole premise of the phrase "first world problems"
@JoyLearnSallay Жыл бұрын
Conflation. Incorrect.
@michele7215 4 ай бұрын
I would get the "Miss Know-it-All" comments to try to get me to question facts .. smh
@elmaswanepoel1598 Жыл бұрын
I left him 2 weeks ago. Yet he keeps pulling me back in - entangling me in his web. WHY is it so difficult to free myself??? He absolutely believes that I will be his wife. Just can't anymore..... There's a lot in here he doesn't do directly it or so bluntly but makes me feel that way sometimes.
@lindanorton2088 Жыл бұрын
This sounds like my expérience at church
@ishiirohilla2154 Жыл бұрын
Why narcissist become successful and you remain the same healing from abuse while they achieve whatever they want?
@davidm4566 Жыл бұрын
Because they are still as broken as before and are not held back from their brokenness, and go on to keep blaming others for it. Once you fully heal, you will be better off than them.
@jacobhayes5305 3 ай бұрын
What if the girl did say that she wanted to have a family with you made you get her pregnant gave up my apartment moved in with her then 3 weeks later she goes and has a abortion and instead of talking to you about the abortion. She goes and has an abortion after talking to some guy that supposedly had been paying for her car for the last few years and then tries to pretend like she had a miscarriage.and tells you he is just a friend.
@casperinsight3524 Жыл бұрын
Have you ever loved someone who made you feel bad about yourself ? Loaded question
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