I met Paula today. She's working at a respite center helping trauma survivors like myself. The fact that she's still 10 years after this documentary devoting all her time to help survivors means so much.

This just breaks my heart. This is what abuse does to a child's mind

My mother had (DID) back then it was called MPD (Multiple personality disorder) her childhood was filled with massive physical and sexual abuse. All her personalities liked me for the most part. My friends thought it was so cool to have a mom that would play with us. I spent my childhood hiding this from everyone. I could always bring my mom back. Her alters would listen to me for the most part. She was a single mom of 3 kids at a young age. She was successful and was college educated and owned a home for us kids. She was a survivor. She could at times control it as life calmed down. She would get extremely tired when she switched alot. All her alters were kind. There was only 1 that was mean and agressive. She was like a tough woman with an accent. I only saw her once and that situation traumatized me. I had the most amazing wonderful mama. Sadly she died of cancer 5 years ago. We were best friends and close as ever. I feel lost in this world without my amazing mama. I hate that i was ashamed of her because of this growing up. But it was just fear people wouldnt understand. I still dont speak of her disorder.

"It's not literally real, but it's very psychologically real." That's the best description of this disorder that I've heard. It doesn't matter if it's "real" or not, literally. It's real to the person and affecting them negatively, so that's what needs help.

I see KZfaq recommendations brought us all together today.

The little girl saying “I don’t want to be hurt no more” broke my heart. This must be incredibly hard to deal with. Hearing about the doctor who told her she was faking for attention really made me angry, first of all that’s not how a medical professional should talk to a patient who is in distress whether he thinks it’s real or not, and the reason she ended up at the hospital in the first place was because she was clearly suffering, which she hardly would if she wanted to be this way/was in control of it. She (they?) is very brave to speak openly about this misunderstood condition. I wish her (them?) all the best.

I believe her!! Imagine how exhausting this would be to fake. Shes so strong and powerful.

The documentary was 10 years ago, I wonder how she/they're doing now.

The human body is one mysterious crazy thing. And probably the most craziest part of it is you're brain

She was sexually abused. So "left her body: it makes sense and I hope she gets help. I believe her God help her

The brain is such an incredible yet terrifying thing. This lady is so strong. I hope she’s living a beautiful life now, filled with happiness and nothing but good memories 💕

and then there’s trisha paytas who makes a mockery of the community. thank god no one takes her seriously

I just wanted to give that poor woman a hug the whole time :(

At least she’s in charge. My aunt’s personalities all fought to be the main personality. They’d tell my aunt that they were going to lock her in a case in the basement... I guess there was a world in her mind where they all existed, fighting to come out. One was left handed, one was an artist, one liked making model cars... so strange.

The spooky music is so inappropriate.

This is absolutely fascinating..I'm not too sure if Paula will ever see this comment.. But if she does.. Thank you Paula for sharing your story. And, Thank you to all your alters!

I was abused as a child and only have 4 plus myself. I cant imagine having 15. I remember having a very same experience with the mirror as I was growing up. Thank you for opening up about this!!!

Did they really say "omg this disorder is so misunderstood, we gotta change that!" then put scary music over this woman speaking about her disorder?

No wonder she really wants to prove she's not lying probably one of the biggest reason is her own sister.

I love that this woman has been able to accomplish a master's degree! This would stop most people in their tracks in regards to progressing in life .. She is amazing !

I get this totally. I am a survivor of CEN (childhood emotional neglect) where I had to hide any strong or negative emotions as they weren't acceptable in my family. Combined with a narcasstic mother I have suffered from lifelong depression which started at age 6/7. I can't remember much of my childhood and young adulthood and I was always accused of daydreaming. It wasn't but it was dissociation and depersonalisation. Fortunately I have had counselling and meds which helped a lot. It has damaged my life though to this day. I really feel for this lady and have some understanding of how damaged she is.

I had to pause for a second midway to write...that police sketch artist is incredible, especially without reference features to draw from, and whoever cast the models based on those sketches literally did an INSANELY amazing job. It was so precise I'm floored.

“Has it ever struck you that life is all memory, except for the one present moment that goes by you so quick you hardly catch it going?”― Tennessee Williams..

Why are they putting scary music in the background ? That’s literally offensive bruh it’s not a scary story it’s a real disorder

I'm glad shes gotten help and is no longer having periods of time where she doesnt remember anything. ❤

Such an interesting story....she truly turns into that person at the moment. Her demeanor, everything...is there to protect her. That must be tough to have so many different voices in your head...definitely something hard to deal with on a daily basis. Wishing her continued success in her journey ahead. :)

As an alter who doesn’t relate to the body’s appearance, I avoid mirrors and reflective surfaces at all costs. Not because our host is ugly, she’s very pretty, in my opinion. But it’s just... not my face. -Erika

Such a strong and admirable woman. How awful she experienced so much abuse and bullies and still has to deal with them now. She is an inspiration

It's hard to imagine the amount of prolonged pain and suffering that would cause your brain to completely dissociate yourself and create a new person (or multiple) to take the damage. Truly an interesting thing for humans to be capable of, but horrifying how people have to endure such pain.

it may be hard to believe that this disorder is real, but it comes from severe childhood trauma. it’s literally a world created by a child’s brain in order to allow the child to survive the trauma they’re going through, so it varies from person to person and can be simple or fantastical, according to whatever that child needed when they were little. the alters/personalities would take over and live through the extreme trauma instead of the child, so every alter/personality deserves respect because their existence was/is necessary for the child’s survival

I wish this woman and her system the best of luck in the future.

I was just diagnosed with DID this year. Mine is not nearly as "concrete" (I can't see them), and I'm still learning the distinct personalities. This is an incredible resource. Thank you to Paula for sharing your story.

the topic is very interesting, considering how little we know about the brain. what pisses me off though is the editing of the whole thing. they make it feel almost like a horror movie with suspense unstead just showing it through an undistorted lense. the poor woman. people with d.i.d. face enough prejudice and fear already because we can't understand what's going on with them and media made them out to be dangerous, and here this documentary is giving it a horror vibe

Paula, I know and understand your journey with DID. I was diagnosed DID/SRA (Satanic Ritual Abuse) from birth to ten. My addiction to food helped me to stuff down my horrific pain. I always knew someone broke my leg so I wouldn't talk. I always knew they told me I had polio; which was a lie. I always had the thought, "was it a crib or a cage" and later understood from my alter that it was a cage. I used food to self-destruct to cover up the self-hate which I never understood. Many counselors/pastors/clinics didn't understand me, and the pain below the surface. At 68 I finally found someone who understood DID/SRA. My alters were held down by the demonic. When my counselor dealt with the demonic, all 20 alters were able to surface to tell their stories. In 1-1/2 years in prayer counseling each multiple personality told their story, were healed, and then integrated back into my heart where they broke off from, at an early age. Today I am fully integrated, fully healed of their trauma, and whole. In integration each one of them made me stronger, I now have their strengths their understanding, and their insights. They haven't been lost, they have completed my heart and we are now ONE. All my alters have written a book about "their truths, their healing, and their integration." Thank you so much for your bravery, for putting yourself out there, for being real, and for educating the world of DID. I would love to talk with you.

I like melinda. She has a really good reason to take over. She only takes over when she needs to, not when she wants.

My Mama who is now decreased, suffered from both paranoid schizophrenia and D.I.D. She suffered severe emotional, mental and physical trauma during her childhood. I've seen how detrimental this can be and my heart goes out to this lady.

Paula is an incredible woman. She’s been through so much. I came here to learn more about DID, I have two friends who have it and would like to educate myself as much as possible.

the alters alive for us were amazingly spot on! It wasn’t just their uncanny resemblance to the drawings, it was the look in the eyes, the tilt and the attitude behind the expressions. As an actor, acting coach, and director I can truly appreciate the level of quality here.

I am a therapist who specializes in DID. Thank you, Dr. Ross, and a big thanks to you, Paula and the alters. I believe you.

when she started crying after the scan thing, I almost had to exit out the video. That was really rough to watch. she is so strong I can't imagine suffering so much and not having anyone believe you

Watched this all the way through. I was suspicious at the beginning but am now a complete believer that she is not lying at all. I learned in my late teens that the human brain can do wacko things to perception during my first anxiety attack. I was not stressed in the least, and out of nowhere it occurred and I was sure I was dying and left work in an ambulance. Nothing physically wrong at all. Apparently just a misfire of some neurons. Had 2 more and have now happily been on paxil equivalent for 35 years with not one more episode. Back in the olden days they apparently called it a "case of the nerves". Paula's condition seems pretty complex and it's heartwarming to see that there are doctors that are starting to learn about this and are trying to help her.

I was diagnosed with dissociative identity disorder last year and it has completely changed how I look at my life. I started a you the channel to document things

I hurt for her and the little girl she once was and never got to fully be. it’s so terrible that because of some terrible person that did terrible things, a woman’s entire life is greatly and negatively impacted. it breaks my heart. I hope she finds a way to heal and happiness.

Mad respect to Mariah she came in to protect Paula when she needed it

When mom told us kids her diagnosis MPD, at the time, everything made sense… I would look at situations & how she was acting. She integrated with the help of a great therapist. Though, she always had terrible depression. Mom & I were in a great place when she passed. I miss her so much. Man, she was funny too. ❤️

I'm happy that people like us (DID systems) are being able to speak up- to tell our stories from our own mouths, and to make documentaries and docu-shows about our life and how our disorder can eventually be BENEFICIAL if we work in therapy and try to work together as a team. The end result isn't integration (merging all alters together), its just to live safely and happily. And if that means still living as a system, then so be it.

I think this an amazing coping mechanism. She’s amazing and I’m glad she could share her story and experience with us.

I was diagnose and June 2017 with dissociative identity disorder. I have 11 others and myself a core part which makes 12 of us. I would never wish this diagnosis on anybody else. It’s very exhausting and sometimes can be overwhelming because society does not believe in this diagnosis.

Awe I feel so honored to have gotten to know Paula and all her alters. I'm sorry for what happened to you for you to need alters. And in case no one told you, it was never your fault. You did nothing wrong. On a positive note, you are helping those who do have a mental health disorder that it's ok to talk about it as well as helping those who don't have DID what it is and how it effects your life. For that I thank you. You're so brave!

I just don’t understand the people that say she’s faking. Like who would want to go through so much pain?

"I don't want to be hurt no more" God that broke me. One of our littles is also a trauma holder (specifically they hold the emotions from that time) and they've said stuff like what Mariah said. It's just so incredibly heartbreaking. For a member of your own system to be so incredibly young, and having to deal with these horrible emotions caused by a horrible event -Bex

Surely she is a very strong woman. This must be really tough for her. God bless you Paula.

I've been reading the comments and see that there are a lot of loving and warm people out there. One of the most important things I learned during my therapy is to love all the parts. That's all they have ever wanted. Life is peaceful now. A young child will present occasionally when she senses that the people in the room are very kind and loving. Bravo to her and to her courage. You know satan tries to destroy us but God enables us to split apart for a time so he can bring us back together again. We have terrific attributes, God given, we have his attributes of creativity, lover of music, art, dance, math, sociology, anything, nature, animals. We are created in his image. Thank you for telling your story. God bless you.

Has anyone read the book Sybil? She had Multiple Personality Disorder. That's what it was called decades ago. Amazing book. She suffered terrible abuse at the hands of her Mother, literally was tortured. It makes sense to create other personalities in your mind, in order to 'escape' the abuse. Can't physically leave when you're a young child, so escaping in the mind makes all the sense in the world to me.

How very amazing that Paula could create her own protection from the horrible deeds done to her. She is one brave woman who should be admired for her strength and perseverance. I hope she finds more and more happiness in her life. I wish you only the best Paula.

OMG, this was so heartbreaking. This poor woman who suffered so much at the hands of her abuser that her mind created different personalities to protect her and itself. Absolutely amazing. Paula seems like such a nice person. She will probably live alone for the rest of her life. These personalities keep her company. They are part of her life. She has been validated which is what she always wanted. I think they should leave her personalities alone. Imagine how hard her life would be without them. That's all she knows. You'll be leaving her all alone.

A good book is called When Rabbit Howls. I recommend reading it. Its very detailed though about the trauma experienced but it's a true story of DID

When a child is exposed to repetitive trauma over an amount of time, their minds develop differently from a child raised without trauma. A child raised without trauma will have incorporated all their feelings and emotions into one personality, usually by the age of six years old. They understand the word sad and the emotions that it represents. You can see their personality traits developing and how they handle feelings and emotions. Children that suffered prolonged trauma understand differently. When their minds could not take what was happening to them anymore, instead of developing a feeling or emotion about it, they developed another personality to handle those situations when those feeling or emotions were present. So instead of developing anger, they developed another person that handles that emotion/feeling. That's why I think they called it split personality disorder for so long. Because their mind did split into different people that represent certain feelings and emotions. Instead of sadness they developed an entity, that can be any gender or age, and only that entity knows the depth of trauma that the system endured, from their childhood to their present time. The The Front Person understands sadness probably the same as everyone else, but not the sadness caused by trauma. The Front Person may know that they suffered trauma, but they will not know the true extent of the trauma, although they may have a good idea about it. We developed feelings and emotions are rolled it all into a nice little bundle named Marion. Paula was rolled in a nice little bundle of separate personalities that share the same body, or system. These personalities are as real as you are and they all believe they are real people because, well, THEY ARE REAL PEOPLE.

The bravery it takes to work through this is immense! Well done Paula and family!

thats so cool we have the same necklace, I was given it when I was little, theres a poem on the back that says just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly

Paula y'all are validated and it doesn't matter even if drs don't know bc they aren't experienced enough. You're a survivor, baby and we support you!

Jonathan really stands out to me. He's so... I don't know, like he really loves Paula but is too "tough" to say it

Absolutely brilliant to give people an understanding of what created this and to realize that horrific sexual abuse when you were very young created this . Very brave of you and I thank you.

This was excellent. Paula has helped so many people by telling her story. Thank you Paula! This has helped not only people with DID but also family and friends to understand more about what is going on. The doctor did a terrific job as well shedding more light. Paula is such a nice person. Wonderful that she wants to help others and is doing just that.

Hi Paula, we worked together like 20 yrs. ago. I would never have guessed it but you may have told me..on nights. Stay strong girls and guys!

MPD/DID survivor! I believe you and know all too well what your life is like. I hate that they call it a disorder because for me it's my ORDER! It saved my life and mind from horrific ritualistic child abuse! 40 years of therapy later with many disasters like bring told by a therapist I must intrograte my personalities! Today I think GOD for the powers of my mind that saved my sanity and life!

This is very interesting, very understandable to a trauma survivor to cope and also seems terrifying all at the same time I hope all goes smoothly and mostly I hope she is safe with herself. 💜

watching this brought tears. She's a strong woman and a survivor.

When she is talking about in the beginning how that the documentry would make a difference for someone . I am one of those people. recently diagnosed with D.I.D. it feels so good to find other people's stories.

Much of what Paula says about the origins of her system are extremely similar to my own, down to the ages and roles. I have been aware of "parts of me" since i was 10, there were no voices only sensations of anxiety, warning, foreboding, heightened awareness in different parts of my body. I was diagnosed with 4 personality disorders, 2 anxiety disorders and bi-polar disorder and clinical depression at age 41, but medications never worked fully, Cognitive behavioral therapy helped for the more superficial trauma's but nothing touched the deep trauma's . Each disorder is representative of one or more alters, go figure. I will never "integrate", I have realized i am more functional now in relation to my mental health than i was before the Extreme emotional trauma at 63. At 63 i had ( yet another ) major emotional trauma and the voices began, awareness of the parts of me that had been silent for so long emerged, the memories stored in the deepest recesses of my mind began to emerge. Dissociation's tripled and i lost almost 6 months of time to being just unaware. It has been 4 years of discovery and I have 30 identified personalities and fragments, the majority are under 16, the most vocal are 13-18 and don't readily interact because of trust issues. I know of at least 4 other friends, with DID, who are diagnosed because they country they are in does not acknowledge it as a mental illness( they are possessed), or the country they are in is more likely to diagnose schizophrenia or severe borderline personality disorder. I strongly believe the percentage of people with Dissociative Identity Disorder is much higher and getting greater as early childhood abuse seems to also be on the rise.

You are an absolute inspiration. I’m sure that people are learning from, and appreciate you at those conferences. Keep doing what feels right for you. ❤ thank you for being willing to share your story.

I myself have thirteen. And to see someone who is just like me, I don’t know it just makes me happy. Her and I have a lot of similar experiences, mostly in my middle school and early night school years. We were mocked and mimicked. So they hid. I remembered one of them calling it a “social experiment”. I only just now, a few months ago, began to let them come out and hang out with a very small group of friends, my parents and my councilor. EDIT: It’s going well so far, besides the few mishaps where one of them is prone to violent outbursts.

"Can't we compromise" Story of any relationship... except it's (number of alters) more often when you have DID. You guys have such strength!

It’s so crazy that the mind can do that

I just want to hug this woman. To have been so broken and still be here in this ugly world helping other's with her story...so very strong.

I’m cheering for you Paulo... whatever happens to you or is happening to you has a reason. Just never give up and have faith that you will get over it eventually.

Years ago they had a movie based on a true story. Sally Fields played "Sibyl" ... I saw where a lot of people thought that it was all a hoax. I can verify that it wasn't a hoax because the real Sibyl was my ex husband's cousin. Childhood trauma is devastating and manifests itself in many different ways. Sadly there is little help for people who were traumatized as a child, and even less understanding. Hopefully this will change.

Thank you so much for helping to fight the stigma by doing this documentary in a respectful, well researched, and informative way

People in the comments, please be careful what you are commenting there is a lot of triggering language! If you care for people with trauma at all please be careful.

Paula you are so strong. Thank you for your help in the mental health community. I am proud of you for your hard work.

I hate being recorded. It's weird to see what I see in the recording and the voice isn't the voice I hear in my head. Thank you to those with the courage to share their lives. It helps so many people and the world is blessed to have you in it.

Thank you, Paula and all your alters for your honesty. DID is real! You've had a lot to deal with in your life. Good luck with your studies. I've got DID and Sensory Processing Disorder and I got my degree in occupational therapy. I belong to a support group for DID survivors!

I can so relate with her story. Thank you Paula for helping others who experience this. ❤

I have just found this months later but I have DID and I honestly expected to find cruelty and skepticism in the comments and it feels so validating to see how many people have opened up to the truth about people like us and not just what hollywood has portrayed us as.

Every one has their own difficulty, but one worse than someone else. Not being yourself is scary, paintful and lonely.

“The body keeps the score “ so true brain, mind, body trauma my therapist suggested this for me I have fibromyalgia caused by trauma , abuse, my heart goes out to her I knew when I was diagnosed and the way my body torchers me with pain it was from my childhood but didn’t know until therapy what I thought was actually true glad but angry at same time there was a reason, I’ve heard of this DID before and can understand the brain protecting her there are no words for a child to express when abused so proud of her ❤️

Hi Paula..if you read this, just wanted to tell you that you seem like an amazing woman. Paula, don’t ever be afraid, your never going to be alone as I believe your friends will always be watching over you. You got this girl...you will move mountains, just don’t sell yourself short. Peace and love~ Mary

I am so happy to see the comment section... I didn't see one negative comment from the ones I have read. There is hope in humanity! ❤❤❤ I couldn't imagine how exhausting it must be to have more than one person living in your body. I have OCD, ADHD, anxiety, depression etc. So I know what it's like to always have a voice in your head but shew it would be hard if it was more than one in there! I do think that it could be nice in a way that you always have someone there for you to feel less alone-I don't know if that's actually how that would feel though. I find DID so interesting. I'm so glad that she shared her story. I wish her the VERY best!!

What a terrifying experience must a child have to literally split to 15 pieces for life! I wish I could help this child in any way I could. Heartbreaking :(

Fascinating. I'm so intrigued by did. I, however, have never seen another system be able to call people to front at will. So that gives me questions. But I'm glad to have watched this. I have an anxiety disorder and I believe it's so important to have open conversation.

Thank you for presenting this to society. It really helps to identify where the behaviour is coming from. The silver lining of such a horrible experience in such a young age is realising the capacity of what human brain might do and how it can comfort and fulfil itself which can become a huge pride that yes, you can take care, protect and be enough for yourself.

Paula is one of the most fascinating people I have ever come across. I pray she finds peace and safety in her mind and life. She’s incredible. ❤️

Johnathan is cool. Love the free throws

This was a year jerker! I believe her and I adore her for coming forward and allowing herself to help others! This has made a difference n I thank u and I think u are an amazing , beautiful women. You are going to help so many! Dont listen to any negative comments. You know your truth and everytime someone should judge remember the ones your helping! Lots of love

I believe her and believe is so true and real. I am so proud of her strength and her willingness to tell her story. I wish her noting but love and acceptance in life

I wish Paula and all the Alters the best! Good for her for doing this documentary and helping to destigmatize this disorder.

It's clear that this soul is / has suffered in her life and can not deal with it like others can. If nothing else it brings home issues that we all can relate to, and for me, it will help me to be mindful of how I react to life's problems, both big and small. It also brings home that none of us are qualified to judge anything online and letting loose your own Melinda.

Oh, Paula, I just want to hug you. I wish you good health, peace, & ❤️. Thank you for sharing your story. I, for one, believe you.

Paula seems like such a sweet lady and shes so strong i love her

This touched me to tears. You are so beautiful just the way you are. And so strong. God bless you.