1. Confusion: Gaslighting, Word Salad, Alternating Hero & Villain Dynamic 2. Control: Love Bombing, Breadcrumbing, Intermittent Reinforcement, Discarding 3. Deception: Lying, Denial 4. Blame Shifting: Projection, Deflection 5. Avoidance: Silent Treatment, Rage, Refusing Accountability

Don't forget about withholding love as manipulative.

"If you don't prioritise your life, someone else will." - Anon

Them guilting you into feeling responsibility for them as a parent, as they take on a child role, thus making yiu feel like you are abandoning a child, and not the adult they really are, is so insightful.

If you’re seeing your partner regressing into a little child, that’s more likely to be BPD. They do this often. The ONLY time you’ll see that scared little child in NPD, is when they’re absolutely devastated, mortified, and on the verge collapse. Even then, you may not witness it. I recall this happening to me maybe once or twice and it was horrible.

Robotic repetition of the words, "I love you."😂😂😂😂😂

They will say something to you then tell you they didn't. Pure evil.

It’s kind of contradictory to say that a narcissist ex admitted that to gaslighting. One of the behavior patterns of a narcissist is that they won’t admit fault on their own, and that they use gaslighting to convince you that they were never at fault. I can tell you what behavior of my narcissist ex led me to believe that I was being gaslighted though. Gaslighting is a real insidious way of manipulation- to make you believe that there is something wrong with you, that the actions/words of your narcissist weren’t really what they seemed to be. It makes you question your judgement, leading to you ignoring your instincts and senses. I swallowed all of her gaslighting for years, mostly because I wanted the relationship to work- like most people who have been the partner of a narcissist. I started realizing that something was wrong 6 months before I was discarded. It was actually this revelation that I had that led to the discard- once I started seeing through the illusion that she presented, I started to see all of her actions for what they really were, and I started to question her on everything and stood my ground on issues that I previously gave in on. We had gotten into a really bad argument. Tensions between us had been building for a few months. We had to move from our rental and find a new place to live within 2 months, in a town that was going through a surge in prices for rental properties. It was difficult finding a place to live that was within our budget, and still live in the town that had come to be our community. Between that and all of the normal logistics in moving cause a lot of minor arguments and stress between us- more than what was normal with her narcissistic and selfish behavior. We found a place, moved in and was in the process of bringing the final things over from the old place to the new place and cleaning the old place when we had gotten into an argument about something minor. All of the pent up tensions and resentment came out. During the argument, she was dismissive to me and told me that everything was my fault and if I didn’t like it then I could pack my shit and leave. I was so frustrated that I knocked her external computer monitor down (so she would face me and not continue to argue with her back turned to me). She got up and in my face and told me that I probably wanted to hit her. I said that I didn’t, I just wanted to discuss the issues. She said that if I wasn’t man enough to hit her she would give herself a black eye and call the police on me. I turned and left the room, because I knew the argument was escalating to a place that I didn’t;t want it to go. As I turned to leave the room, she jumped on me and started punching me. I told her if she was going to hit me, I would call the police. She started punching me again, so I left the room, went to the master bathroom and called the police. They came, interviewed both of us and arrested her for spousal battery. Afterwards she only blamed me for the incident and never, never acknowledged that she hit me. A week or so later, she asked me to write a letter to the DA requesting that the charges be dropped. I said that I would write a letter but that she would have to acknowledge her actions and to apologize to me first. She said that she was sorry that I felt that way. I told her that I wouldn’t write anything to the DA, and she stormed off, giving me the silent treatment for a couple of days. I knew what happened, and have a very clear recollection of the events. I’ve been punched before with closed fists, and I know what it feels like- and it doesn’t feel like a “shove”, what she insisted was what she did (her story was that she shoved me only after I shoved her, which was nonsense). I got a copy of the police report, and one of several reasons that they arrested her is because they found her knuckles red and swollen. I tried to move through this, but she kept trying to change the narrative of what happened when I was very clear on what happened. I felt crazy, but knew that I wasn’t. This led me to question everything else that she told me. Once I started realizing that most things she told me (when it came to disagreements or things that I had an issue with) were lies, and I believed the illusion that she created to trick me. That’s what the narcissist does- they present an illusion to you. Just like looking at an optical illusion, once you see that it is a trick of the eyes, you can’t look at it again without seeing the trick. Once I started seeing through her illusions, the house of cards that she built started to fall down and I slowly started to realize the type of person that she was, even though I didn’t want to believe it. I started enforcing my boundaries and that drove her crazy and caused more fights and gaslighting, which is what I believe led to her finally discarding me 6 months after her arrest. She never admitted to gaslighting me though. Even after confronting her with things from years previous that I realized she changed to make me the one at fault, she stays with her story. Even with indisputable proof, she stays with her version of events and says everyone else is wrong. Don’t expect any type of satisfaction or closure from a narcissist, because you won’t get any. You have to believe your judgment and instinct, and not tie your self-worth and self-esteem to anything that they say to you. Additionally, If you ever suspect your partner is cheating on you give it a try and remotely access their phone. I had to follow my instincts and get in touch with this private investigator Metaspyhub@gmail. com who gave me unrestricted access my partner device.

This man is a national treasure and most be protected at all costs!

I think the only word I would add, just to be helpful and point out one specific scenario, is the word, "pity." This is in the dynamic of dealing with a covert/fragile narcissist. Pity and victimhood is their biggest "supply line."

She would also ghost me for a couple of months then come back and the first thing she would say to me is HOW'S YOUR MENTAL HEALTH..instead of a straight forward hello...very strange...

I'm at stage 5.... 3 years no contact now. It's exactly like Richard describes... feels like leaving a broken/wounded child 😞

1. Religion (to start wars and form cults) 2. Religion (to extract people’s money and exploit their kindness for resources) 3. Religion (to control and manipulate perceptions and to commit acts of atrocity against children) 4. Religion (to proliferate misogyny) 5. Religion (to prevent half the population from having sovereignty over their own bodies, controlling what they wear and what they do)

A current example of Reversal is 🇨🇦 PM Trudeau, filmed & preserved on TV insulting ppl who preferred to make their own decisions regarding a certain medical procedure, calling them terrorists, misogynists, and all sorts of evil. And then when confronted with his hate speech (which ironically he's trying to ban with a ridiculous law, if one can call it a 'law'...), he pretended he did not say what he was caught saying. So ppl played back the recordings. Response: "Well, you misunderstood me..... poor me..... etc.." still insisting that was not what he said. In the face of the evidence, they keep lying because admitting a wrong is too shameful. And yes I'm one of the insulted Canadians, so I can bring it up.

“We don’t negotiate with terrorists.”, Les Grossman.

I think they also are afraid you will outgrow them or find someone who treats you better.

16:26 Gotta love the spontaneous comedy at the end of the video 🤣

I’m 15 months post narc (he discarded me in the most horrifying way imaginable) and I’m just starting to feel free of his insanity. Reality tastes so sweet. It’s been a decade since I’ve had it.

I did have guilt and shame because he said if I divorced him he would have to die. Then after he was gone I felt badly that he would become homeless without me and be one of the crack hoers on the street. Wow, thank you Richard. Thank you. You are helping so I don’t feel crazy.

My last relationship 3 year ago was a long distance relationship with a lady who turned out to be a covert narcissist who was very sociopathic towards me, when i caught her cheating on a dating app she said to me YOU DON'T LIKE IT WHEN YOU SEE ME ON A DATING APP, as if it's my fault she got caught cheating, more like she meant to say I DON'T LIKE IT WHEN YOU CATCH ME CHEATING ON A DATING APP more like...

After 17 years of being with my woman im just now catching on to this. I could never put my finger on it but i now see that she's a narcissistic.

David Byrne said " I believe, one day, we will live in a world without love".

OMG!!! I do have fear that they will end up homeless!!! And that they won't survive without me.

This is one of the most accurate illustrations of what it's like being in a relationship with a narcissist! Watch, take notes, and apply this information because I know I am! Be safe everyone! 🙏

You just described my 12 year relationship with my former fiance!!

Karpman triangle has definitely got to feature in this. Used so often by the Narcissist.

Oh. And thank you to your other contributors who commented because I learned from their comments as well. Mahalo!

“Handjobs under the bridge for small change and crack” was a bit specific Richard 🤣

The Director of the bar I work at acted offended of me accusing her of Gaslighting. She literally used to get me to go down to the cellar and turn the gas valves on and off to "test" the previous GM. Literally the most textbook example like it was even the plot of film.

Arye, no NPD could handle whatsoever curling up in a ball on the floor wailing, crying and grieving, over the breakup of a romantic relationship, or death of a loved one, or pet etc. They cannot handle the pain of the finer and positive emotions of compassion, empathy, sympathy and love. As we all know love is the most powerful, joyful and glorious of feelings. Yet, when love breaks down through what i mentioned above, as we all know, love then becomes the most extremely painful emotion known to man. Only "the strong' can deal with that and go through that horrific emotional pain. NPD's can't do that, their not strong enough to deal with that emotional pain, it would finish them off. So be proud that you can experience those painful, but neccesary finer, positive emotions of love, that are connected to reality and not fantasy. Thanks our kid, great video.

In one of his books, Gabor Maté wrote: "If you are faced with the choice of feeling guilt or remorse, choose guilt every time.". The feeling of guilt is therefore something I have to learn to accept as just a feeling. My reaction to that feeling of guilt should be carefully considered, to avoid possible traps. 13:43

I don't know if it's a sign that I've recovered and matured, but the last narcissist I left behind was someone who was almost "clumsy" in his manipulations. Kind of like he started shaming and guilting me before he even established "the dream" properly to fall back in. A psychological defense I've had most of my life, that probably hurt more than helped, is that many people seem to perceive me as more naive than I truly am - but in this particular case it was probably helpful because the narcissist obviously misjudged how "hooked" I really was: not at all. Otherwise, "playing dumb" is probably what got me into these dynamics in the first place, in stead of just asking manipulators to kindly go to hell.

The Love Bombing in the workplace works with fake promises and future faking. Have experienced it on my own body how my vision or my love for my future development was used to manipulate me. Fortunately, I found the red pill twice and beamed myself out of the matrix. It’s hard to spot but thanks to content like yours my consciousness is on high alert when entering new situations. Keep it up ❤️

What a Good video. They should teach this everywhere. I’m I feel at the end of my journey, but man have I paid the price for not wanting to be abused. It’s insane it’s at this level in our society but I’m Very grateful for the internet, being isolated and all, this was my portal for understanding what is happening and that I’m not alone. Thank you

My narc has hijacked my algorithm so every ad I get is personally insulting. All of my Recommend For Yous are insulting. All across the Internet, I am constantly told I’m Old Fat Ugly and Worthless. I’ve absorbed this. This will go on forever. I don’t want to go on.

I am in so much pain I will just cry in tbe niddle if the night my husband was so mean to my schitzophrenic sister who died in my home .. he was so horrible wen I said I would not pitch in for bills u til we put our money together he took out a pension to buy a Tesla … he’s from another country , i petitioned him here , and wen my sister died I got a restraining order and would not let him back … I still don’t believe what I’ve been through

Guilt, shame, and fear.

Shame and guilt are very different… i can deal with and face guilt but shame is different. I recommend standing up and facing the feelings expose them and control how others perceive us not letting the narcissist control how others see us… i do by making myself look even worse

Asking "is the person using (your) love (for something) to gain leverage against you" is a pattern I think I need to be alert to involving a work situation. Thank you for explaining it.

If a narc knows you Love your job, they will try to abuse you to love them, and then discard you when you are miserable from the trauma bond.

to love is to witness beauty

I relate it to being addicted to a drug (not that I ever have ) but I think it’s similar to that feeling of needing a fix

Watching til the end is bonus 😂

I love Richard's accent. He has a beautiful personality and voice. The content regarding NPD is also very authentic, and not offensive. Blessings to Richard from America.

I need out of this dream . I'm just having a hard time distinguishing who is doing this to me. And yes I feel like I have been in a coma😢

Yes, the last couple years I was married to him. I knew he was pulling away and was looking elsewhere for supply but now that I’ve been divorced from him for three years, I still miss him and I remind myself constantly of how miserable I was the last few years we were together and yet I still miss him it is so aggravating.

My whole community and family are doing this and have been since i left my ex. I've moved to 3 different states and it keeps following me. I want out!

so true, guilting and shaming is powerful, just now learning to not fall for it after years of not seeing it

A little by little after four years healing, alone, trening and understanding still have pain, but less. I discovered that I'm not introvert. This pleasure to be me is new. Scary, but optmistic. Even in this shi** world 😊

I took years to escape, all of these 5 and more. She also outsourced the abuse. It was made so much more difficult as we have a daughter, which she used all of her strategies to gain absolute control of my daughter, the behaviours so out of control that she no longer bothered to hide her abuse of my daughter and was witnessed by the parents of my daughter best friend. They described it as horrifying. Next on the agenda was to isolate my daughter, cut her off from everyone. Total ownership, ensure that nothing could enter her reality. , remove all risk. Truly horrifying

I would love to enter the course, at the moment I am sharing a house with narcissistic people, so I think it will not work for me now as I am experiencing abuse 24/7 . Yes they are dead people, why? My housemates are closing doors very laud, they start closing the doors quiet when I close the doors same way as they do. So it goes the smash the door then I don't, then when I don't they do and the circle goes on and on, this is only one example of abuse. I have no opportunity to move out at the moment. And yes shaming and quilting is next. And yes when you try to confront them they act like children,... I wouldn't do that is their response not responsibility! Thank you Richard ❤❤❤

IMHO, the gaslighting film starring Ingrid Bergman is the good one.

I feel like you had a camera in the room with me during my 10 year marriage. Everything so scarily accurate, especially the last bit. She told me she would die if I left her. Well, I left. Hasn't died.

Do some narcissists gaslight just for fun? My mother did that when I was going through a difficult time and was already emotionally fragile. She seemed to enjoy my pain and confusion.

Church of Scientology,use to be member,got out 4 years later!

Well done. I just started to understand the horrible effects of being grown up Jin a narcissist home. Always knew something was wrong . Healing is life long like learning. Chin up!

"Giving hand jobs for small change.. and crack" 😅 Favourite line. Thankyou for bringing to light a lot of ways I've adopted mothering instincts. Your content is both highly informative and entertaining.

One of the narcissists I knew lives wherever he can. It could be in tents, under bridges, in a family member's car, etc. He is drug-addicted and does have sex with men and women for drugs, money, etc. He was in a drug-induced coma 10 or so years ago after getting jumped in the streets by five guys and suffering a head injury that I think has given him some sort of TBI. I can pull up his arrest record and it includes arrests for breaking into parked cars for money, etc. He is really messed up and was once very handsome but not anymore in his 40s. He was intelligent with a family that included doctors. I learned a lot from him.

Past focus/shared fantasy is interesting. I guess that’s why my intuition kept giving me fantasies of Tim Burton’s movies, humorous, but with dead characters. Death=stagnation. I knew somehow the fantasies would become darker and become a whole horror story. I didn’t exactly understand why yet, but I knew I needed to get out of the relationship. My intuition was presenting the delusional nature of the shared fantasy. Thank you 🙏

The coma story sounds really horrific indeed. It resembles the relationship with the narc, also my experience. Cannot break through.

That last bit about the bridge - they’re probably already doing that for kicks/as a hobby, they’ll just be forced to make it their full time profession 🤣

Oh you do always manage to make laugh out loud at somepoint. I always go into these videos feeling very serious.

I saw a short the other day, that was supposed to be showing what gaslighting is. I think it was posted and acted out by a mental health professional no less. It went like this: Woman in kitchen and husband walks in from his work day. Man and woman hug and exchange "How was your day?" Then the man asks, "What's for dinner?" Woman: I don't know honey, I forgot to make something. Man: Well that's no surprise. Woman: Oh really, why do you say that? Man: Because you're useless. Woman: Because I'm useless huh? Man: Yeah. Woman: Huh. Every single comment was saying how it's not gaslighting and one comment was chastising her for being a mental health professional and not knowing what gaslighting is.

Love bombing. Remember the word "bombing" when someone is doing it to you. It's really bad, and it's just a way to make you lower your defenses so they can start abusing you. I feel like when someone is love bombing you, it's better to... kind of freeze the relationship - like don't let it escalate - calm yourself down into a neutral state from the infatuated state - try to slow things down so you can figure out is this thing going to go from "love bombing" to "abuse". Perhaps you could test the person somehow, to see if they're an abusive person or a good person - perhaps just say no to them on something, like say "no" 2 times (meaning 2 separate occasions) to them when they ask you out on a date - if they start acting all crazy, then it might be a bad sign - if they act cool, then perhaps say "yes" the 3rd time they ask you out or ask the person out yourself after the 2nd time you say no.

Looking forward so much to it. I remember a video you made 3 years ago and you came up with a superior strategy of being calm cool and creating a space between the observed facts and our response and to abandon all sincere communication with the terminally insincere. Looking forward to more depth, more ways to efficiently handle them . Especially in situations when it's a family member like brother in law or mother in law who you see once in a while still they put you down so much that it gets on your nerves. Effing frustrated. Can't go no contact. Tried grey rock . Didn't work. Help us Richard.

Target, that word will forever be cemented in my mind.

Omg! 😂that voice @richardgranmon when you said this is like a video for the narcissist! Lol

Julia Cameron in The Artist's Way has good perspective on the gatekeepers in the art world. (This book is for everyone.) Lucky I read this because when people tried to exploit my love for my art, I was onto it, and managed to get associated with positive situations instead.

Amazing video, wow! So well said and understandable. Thank you 🙏🏻 No contact since 7/2/23 😄

haha, joke's on him: I was always ready to leave an "abomination" to die in the forest! Perhaps that is why i'm pretty guilt free -most of the time.

Richard your my favourite narthithith 😂

Wow! You nailed it! 🥳🥳🥳 Shame and guilt for submission. 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

Brilliant video as usual! Just a little two cents I wanted to throw in, gaslighting can also involve changing things in the target's environment, like moving objects around so they question their sanity when they remember it being there. ...Applied to conversation, it can look like a random peppering of inconsistent statements. Amazing how such a simple tactic can wreak so much havoc on someone's mind, but it does!

F A N T A S T I C!! Thank you, Richard

1: Kindergarten 2: Elementary school 3: MSM 4: Politicians 5: Religions

You're wonderful Richard 👌✨

very powerful teaching. Sumple concise and easy to remember. Thank you.

They are crouched atop the Dragon with a welding iron, feverishly welding those Golden Scales into place

I love your videos. It is so true how we have this motherly instinct. I watched my ex be homeless but they do so many evil things that it’s not worth the torture to even try to help them. It’s 2023 so I’ve dealt with mine since 1998. They are vampires. My parents were narcissists too, and my sister. I didn’t think real empathy and humans with souls existed.

Mannnnnn THANK YOU Narcissistic Possesion something I have seen and been in. Good luck to those who are in it hope they make it out alive

Your videos have helped me. I watch them every day. I am also seeing a therapist. This is all so new right new to me and I have no idea what to do

I love these analogies 🙂 they really make things much more comprehensible 😉👌

I have watched videos on KZfaq and read articles in Internet in zillion numbers. You beat them all - they never gave me the point of view, the understanding and grasping your video gave me. Especially that thing with love and love bombing and hooking and loosing ourselves during these key stages. Never came across such a mindblowing explanation like yours. Amazing!

OMG this video is the BOMB I see what ur alluding to in 10mins. Genius 👏👏👏👏👏👏

Great explaining of the structure of this narcisistic abuse. Thank you.❤

Thank you Richard. I'm a practitioner in healthcare and observe the destructive methods of psychotropic drugs along with this very nefarious world. Using your knowledge with the videos has healed my mind, the natural way. It took a while however I can attest to you and your information regarding validation.

I have seen that also. Agreed. Horrifying experience. Thank you for putting words to that.

Constantly demanding ridiculously high standards or perfectionism from others... Not sure whether that's a tactic per se or a subgroup of narcissism of its own (there seems to be a narcissistic perfectionist according to newer research). Would be very interesting to hear about that, Richard.

Exceptional. So sad I am where I am but nail, head, hammer. Thank you for creating and sharing these fantastic insights and framework into their minds.

I apriciate your videos.

This is so true!

threatening suicide fu(ked me up & kept me in for awhile, but when IT told me IT was having dreams of me being chased down by a mob and killed in the street, that was all it took. these entities are NOT human. gtfo.!

Why do we humans have to make life even more, bloody complicated? Thanks Richard, and appreciate your candid approach. ✌🏾

Wow this was a great summary, thanks Richard

You are hilarious Richard. Love your vids!!

Thank you.. I do feel it was like being stuck in the past & that the present and future has a very different feel.. Everything was always made my fault, it feels beautiful to no longer have that in my life Appreciation for you & sharing your knowledge 🙏

Thank you for sharing this information!

Oh this film was brilliant Richard. I cried a lot. I decided that I don't go into an intimate relationship until I have learnt to love myself enough and completly destroyed the shared fantasy .Every time when I think I am in reality for good, they call me and I am back in .I wished I had the possibility of complete no contact.

'hjs under a bridge' hahahahahahahahaha talking about driving a point home! hahahahaha thanks

This was very well done. Thank you so much!