One of the differences I've observed watching videos about personality disorders is that people with borderline often leave comments saying that they themselves suffer from BPD. Most of the comments on the videos about narcissism are from victims of narcissist abuse, not from narcissists themselves. There seems to be a self-awareness in people with borderline personality disorder that narcissistic people do not have.

The 5 PD are not Narcissism ==> 1) Borderline PD - 0:26 - 1:20 Abondenment is a major issue - 1:54 Disturbance & Identity - Instability & identity - Impulsivity, Risk taking & Chronic Manifestations, Hostility & difficulty with anger management. - Self-harm behaviour - Very Strong Emotional Reactions - 3:30 Transient Passing Stress PARANOID ideation - 4:05 RELATIONSHIP (BPD with Narc Abuse) - 5:51 Abondenment b/w BPD & Narc - 8:08 Overlap (Narc with BPD) - 10:38 (Narc + BPD) in the same person - 11:51 Treatment of BPD ------------------------------------------- 2) Histrionic PD - 14:19 - Shallowness, Attention Seeking, Self-Dramatizing - Very vulnerable & easily influenced on conspiracy - Actually consider relationships to be Closer than they are - Ego syntonic - Overly concerned about other people & having poor boundries - 18:16 Narcissism & HPD - 19:20 Psychologically immature, Childish immature - 20:34 Overlap (Narc Abuse & HPD) & as a Parent - 23:39 RELATIONSHIP (Narc with HPD) - 25:05 Treatment of HPD ------------------------------------------- 3) Passive Aggressive PD - 27:09 - 29:28 Covert Narcissism ( Grandiose & Malignant Narc - Actively Aggressive) ( Covert Narcissists is more - Passively Aggressive) - Holding of Grudges - 31:00 Oppositional Defiant Style, Constant Argumentativeness & Unwillingness to follow rules - 31:21 Narc Abuse & PAPD - 33:04 RELATIONSHIP with (Narc + PAPD) - 36:04 Treatment ------------------------------------------- 4) Obsessive Compulsive PD - 36:46 - Workaholicism, Rigid Perfectionism, inflexibility, Narrow Emotional Expression & Difficulties establishing+maintaining close relationships, inflexible, inefficient, Mean, Cheap, Rigid, Controlling, Self-Righteous.. Stubborn - Good in Sending Thanku notes, but Bad at Gratitude - 38:33 OC personality v/s OC disorder - 40:45 Associated with Morality, Values, Ethics & Completely inflexible, they may think Divorce is very wrong... - Not able to through things out like Old Shoes, Clothes not becoz of Sentimental values but cheap - Reluctant to delegate work to other people unless exactly - Very very miserly with Money - More short of Anxious Avoidant cluster of PD - An Offensive kind of very difficult style & not made for relationships. - 43:20 Overlap (Narc with OCPD) (Self Righteous Narc & Neglectful Narc) - Very very Controlling Parent - Coldly Loyal as Family stick together as Rule - Judgement on spending - Gaslighting, Manipulation, invalidation & frightening rage - 56:38 RELATIONSHIP (OCPD with Narc) - 58:19 Treatment ------------------------------------------- 5) Difference b/w Narcissism & NPD - 58:59 -------------------------------------------

I use the term sneaky aggressive instead of passive aggressive. Their gremliny delight at getting under your skin in a way they think they can't be called on is similar to the narc smirk. At their worst, they are utterly grotesque to be around.

My mom was dead on what you describe as histrionic and I married a narcissist who I have to try to co-parent with. It’s exhausting to deal with these types of people. I no longer have a relationship with my mom but have to have a relationship with my ex. I’m just so tired of it all and am counting the days until my son is 18 and I don’t have to parent with my ex anymore. It feels like I’m in prison some days.

I have a borderline friend and I told her she is her own worst enemy and needs to get help, which she did. It hasn’t changed a whole lot but at least she is aware of her behavior. I hold her accountable and will not listen to her blame others for her problems. I do not coddle her or sympathize with her because I love her. I was willing to lose her as long as she got help to stop destroying her life and relationships.

My mom taught me to love myself and is always supportive of my emotions. Thanks mom.

For many years when I lived with and around my immediate family, I was pinned with having Chronic Depression and Borderline Characteristics. I didn't want to die, but I knew I didnt want to be around the environment. Outside of being around my family environment, I felt calm. So...Right before my father passed away at 80 years of age, he told me my mother had made his life a living hell. I didnt understand what he meant. After he was gone, I finally got to see and experience how horrible being around my mother and brother could be. I learned that she and my older brother were narcissists, so I went no contact. Voila! All those chronic depression and borderline characteristics went away. I hope people who live with narcissists don't get misdiagnosed and medicated if they don't need it. I hope they get away so they can heal from the abuse and finally get to know themselves.

I have Borderline and my ex husband is a covert narcissist. I was diagnosed with it a few weeks ago. He abandoned me after 30 years of marriage and i was so traumatized I almost took my life. I also have plugged into the Seattle Narcissistic group which you have spoken on Zoom. Between Therapy, my group and you Im finally healing. Thank you so much.

I was married to a woman later diagnosed as a psychopath. She faked having BPD to enable and excuse her toxic and manipulative behavior. It worked, because any time she was called on her behavior, she would play the victim card. "How dare you criticize me for my bad actions. I am the poor, sick individual. Do you think I WANT to behave badly? You are cruel and uncaring for even suggesting that. I am the one who is suffering here."

Because my mother is a covert narcissist, I think that caused me to subconsciously gravitate towards people with personality disorders for a lot of my life, both partners and friends. I eventually reached a point where I will not let people with personality disorders into my life. I have a lot of empathy for people with BPD because I had several friends who were officially diagnosed with it and I saw the turmoil they went through, but ultimately all of those friendships ended with them going off on me for some perceived slight and then never speaking to me again. I need relationships where I can trust that the emotional bond won't be nuked at the drop of a hat.

THANK YOU! I’m so sick of seeing everyone claiming everyone is a narcissist 🙄🙄 I really like your channel and I’ve been watching for a couple years.

Finally a video that makes sense. That word, Narcissist, is used often by lay people that are not mental professionals. That you for this video, the end is very telling.

One thing that people also mistake for narcissism upon first meeting someone is certain symptoms of autism. Because we don't show emotions appropriately, we may struggle with empathy and we can come across as narcissistic when we talk about special interests because we seem like know it alls.

For years and years I thought we were going to make progress. Not anymore. I really really woke up. How could I not see that she never once hugged me, no kisses, never ever an I'm sorry, constant lies, bashing me to anyone who will listen, etc etc etc. I thought I knew she was ill, but you really don't understand until you Wake Up. It is a very odd place to be mentally when you finally wake up. It's actually astonishing that I was so dumb for 60 years. I don't have money for therapy and I know for a fact I wouldn't have woke up fully without Dr Ramani. Bless you Doctor...

Wow! The description of the OCPD person was a person I worked with. She made me so exhausted that I went to counseling over it. I was an independent contractor and she still wanted to control every little thing. The place where we worked had to be organized but she wanted the place looking like a showroom ALL THE TIME. The thing that stood out was one day I was going into a room with a client to do an esthetic treatment and I moved a jar with product closer to me so I wouldnt have to walk back and forth. To me it was common sense, and for efficiency. She told me to please put the jar back in its place and said that when she works she keeps the jar in its place and goes back and forth. On that day, I just agreed with her and put the jar back, but when she left the area, I closed the door and moved the jar close to me. I didnt work there long. I was exhausted working there. I ended up quitting and I no longer needed the counseling. My unnecessary stress went away.

I have BPD. I can't stand being seen as parallel with NPD. I just got out of a narcissistic abusive relationship. I have graduated DBT and I go over my DBT skills regularly. It really does help along with meds. I just practice practice practice my skills and it really does help. I now have more clear boundaries and display less symptoms.

Histrionic Personality Disorder really does need to remain in the DSM… With today’s social media, one can easily identify those who suffer from HPD. It really isn’t a normal behavior to be honest. If they don’t get the attention they seek from being exhibitionistic, it messes with their psyche. There’s other examples but it needs to stay on the DSM… If it’s taken away then people will view it as normal character.

You're right. It's contempt! He holds everyone in contempt. He/she wants us to be aware of the contempt they have for all of us. Narcissists want us to feel it on a very deep level. I'm still having trouble wrapping my head around the narcissist selfishness and self - absortion.

1:01:24 - omg this laundry list of narcissism is spot on "It is: Lack of empathy, grandiosity, entitlement, arrogance, superficiality, chronic egocentricity, admiration and validation seeking, envy, incapacity for intimacy and instead exploiting and using people in relationships. It's disregulated anger, it's the two faces - the validation-seeking face in public and the abusive one in private. That's narcissism."

I'm going to preemptively state that my strategy is to stay away from them all. I don't trust them. Yes, I spend the majority of time alone and that's fine with me. I realized that if they don't want help, they're going to resent me no matter what I do. Now, I'll watch the very informative video.

I never thought of my sociopathic sister as being passive-aggressive before, but OMG did you ever describe her.

For 10 years, I've struggled with a very toxic relationship. I can't even remember me before her. Now, with all the abuse I've endured, 've got some inner work.

Bipolar, borderline and even autism. But some disorders can be comorbid as well.

Thank you so much for doing this! There’s nothing worse than being told “what your problem is,” by someone who has no idea! ❤

In the beginning of my husband and i relationship, I had to tell him that I wasn’t being silent to hurt him, that’s just the way I processs things. Being silent was a trigger for him because of growing up with his malignant adoptive grandma. And in my household growing up we didn’t talk about our feelings so I internalize things inside where it’s safe. My mom/ sister always had the notion of acting like hey everything’s fine everything’s fine let’s just sweep everything under the rug lol

Dr Ramani, brillantly identifies with clarity. She deserves a nobel peace prize.

I have found being given a diagnosis of mixed Personality Disorder, mainly BPD has been a mix of benefits and disadvantages. I am frustated that when I initially was given a diagnosis, the mental health professionals involved didn't explain my diagnosis nor giving me further information and education about it. I feel they basicly passed the buck back to my primary care GP and voluntary sector services. It is a mistake not to educate people who want to improve and manage their health, relationships and life. For people reading this who may be in a relationship with a person suffering a Persnality Disorder, please support us wisely. Don't try to rescue us and don't try to fix us. We are only going to grow by learning to manage our emotions, our problems and our lives ourselves. Thank you for taking the time to read this.

My sister has either bipolar or borderline. She can apologize, genuinely mean it, feel bad about it, and try to fix it by putting in effort. She has never disrespected me, or my kids by calling us names, putting us down, belittling us etc. she is suicidal, she does have mood swings that are drastic, and cuts people off when they did nothing to her. I love her so damm much, I wish she got the help she needs, but she truly believes she can heal herself and fix herself without support. I don’t think the same way, I do believe she needs psychological help, but she refuses help, so I had to cut her off. I couldn’t sit back and continue to see her risk her health, her life, and lose respect for herself the way she was anymore. It hurt more to be present in her life and witness the choices she was making, and hear how low she spoke of herself. No matter what I said to her, no matter what compliments I gave her and help and support I offered, it was never enough or she wouldn’t accept any of it. I tried protecting her the best I could, I tried helping her to the best of my ability, but she wouldn’t cut off my mom like I was able to. I tried telling her we could live together, on our own, and just leave everyone behind, and she agreed but then backed out last minute. Hopefully when she gets older and gets help, we can come together again.

I have BPD and tend to get sucked into narcissisticly abusive relationships because both my parents are narcissists. It's my worst fear to be a narcissist. This explains the difference and describes my experience exactly. I know I am not a narcissist because I do have extreme empathy that can make me vulnerable to narcissistic people and I question myself. Narcissists don't have strong empathy, nor do they question themselves or their own motives. BPD and Narcissist abuse is truly dangerous like you said. This should be discussed more often so that people can detect the signs and possibly avoid or intervene if necessary. It's not just dangerous for the individuals in the toxic relationship, but everyone around.

You just described my sibling. He made himself the executor and the trustee. I had to get an lawyer to protect myself. I couldn't believe someone could be so cruel and hateful.

I experienced a narcissistic abuse and had bpd. But the worst part is she manipulated the situation and claimed that i self harm with the intention to control her. Im so thankful to my therapist that im recovering well now

Yep the golden child is taking care of both parents now! Lots of manipulation and I see through it all! Been aware of IT since 4 years old! I’m the scapegoat wanted to help them come out of it! It puts me in danger.

You are doing a very important job educating innocent people and raising their awareness of the danger posed by these toxic people. I have been told to take a compassionate attitude toward all evildoers, but I have the right to put up a barrier and protect my own peace. Read the article Compassion hurts.

Thanks for sharing. I suffer BPD, and all of my realtionships were with NPD. The last one coast me retraumatisation so hard that I lost myself. My rage is inward, toxic shame, no self easteem, emptiness, and empathy and super explanation for others. My mother is NPD, and I have a lot of NPD traits, but the only difference is that I have empathy, and early seraching for psychological help scence teenage, because I was suicidal each time I had broken relationship, and the only thing that brought me there was that Im crazy and that something is wrong with me. No grandiosity in a good scence. When I was broken from the last relationship there was no medications for me, I was only worse and worse. Only therapy that helped me is deep trauma work, because in my personal expirience BPD is acting out of CPTSD. And I hope that DSM will change a narative about disorder in general and to treat trauma and not behaviour. Our nervous system only knows what it knows, and in BPD it was somehow childhood abondonment. Many people have sexual abuse in the early childhood. Also many people have one of the parents who have full blown NPD. I have hope. And I want to say thank you for sharing so much support. Wish you thw best dr Ramani.

One of my exes was a grandiose narcissist with a passive-aggressive style. This is probably an unusual combination and was it ever confusing!

I really appreciate how you spoke on narcissist symptoms and BPD coexisting. I get really, well... triggered, by being called a narcissist because I know that I am not motivated to intentionally hurt others like a narcissist would and to think that the way I'm acting is similar to that is painful to comprehend because it would be the last thing I'd ever want to do. From what I've learned over the years, we often take on the traits of those who abused us and I think it feeds our negative self-talk and shame to think that we could ever exhibit those behaviors when we swore we would never be like those people. It's hard to come to terms with, but possible for the person with BPD to see their actions and feel intense self-hatred for acting that way - which can sometimes make us act out even more in that self-hatred and trying to downplay what symptoms from our narcissist abuser we have adopted or learned. I for one have been incredibly thankful to learn the names of these things so I can identify them within myself to work on them as they arise... and arise... and arise...

Some say autistic ppl are similiar to narcissist personality disorder, however not all autistic ppl are like narcissist. You might gey some ppl with autism that share similar traits to npd. However, I have autism but I have good cognitive empathy levels. I'm definitely not self-centred, and I'm not arrogant. We, as autistic ppl, aren't perfect. But some ppl with autism like myself are very caring and thoughtful.

I learned to keep my distance from the disturbing sight of my friend's ex overbearing,psychological abuse of her in public. The thought of her not being able to find her way is so sad!

OMGoodness! Years ago in a psych class I remember a teacher saying that when she began her course work to become a psychologist, she identified with all the behaviors she was studying. LOL this is how I feel today as I listen to Dr. Ramani who is incredibly articulate! 😊 I've been seriously attempting to find a psychoanalyst to assess me, now that I've completed as much self analysis as possible on myself. Yet, I truly do not think that we can ever stop growing - as old as we become. I suppose the bottom line question is, how defensive am I? I do believe that we must learn to accept all the positive sides and the negative sides of ourselves...and be willing to continue to improve the negatives that interfere with our personal lives.

I also think the BPD is wayyy over diagnosed. It seems to be the modern version of "hysteria." When I would say half the time it comes from trauma & is symptom of the way society functions.

Emotional dysregulation is definitely an issue of mine I have to work on. I have never been diagnosed with NPD or Borderline. But have been diagnosed with major depression. My depression is in remission now, and I able to function reasonably well with meditation, prayerfulness (with or without a spiritual object), and habit changing. It's a process, and not a process where the focus is not measuring up to an unmet ideal. Yet, it is simultaneously a matter of raising my standards, and embracing that they are my standards FIRST, rather than to be SO subject to introjects.

I have bpd, autism, cptsd, anxiety, and depression. It's a unique kind of hell to experience because I don't fully recognize others facial expressions and tones of voice but I have good pattern recognition and so I can tell what's "good" emotions and what's "bad" so I need very clear communication and a lot of reassurance. Thankfully I'm on a good med regimen so I don't have the extreme rollercoaster emotions anymore. Though i still have a lot of depression. I've never had a problem with empathy because my autism makes me hyperempathic all the time. I've found that it is really easy to take advantage of me so I have a very small group of family and friends that vet any new friends or partners. I've found that tapping, and emdr has really helped me more than dbt and cbt. I think it's because it's helped process the trauma and reframed a lot of my typical bpd thought processes. So if you have a similar make up of disorders and cbt and dbt haven't worked for you talk to your therapist or doctor about trying those.

I was diagnosed with BPD when I was 23 and CBT and DBT have helped me so, so much. My ex husband of 10 years is a narcissist and it was incredibly toxic. I left 7 months ago and I’m so much healthier. Thank you, Dr. Ramani, for helping me learn how to process this. I still cry a ton and am struggling to ever imagine being in love again, but I’m finally understanding what I have gone through so that I do not get into another toxic relationship in the future. I plan to be single for a couple of years.

I had an acquaintance of my mother approach us out of the blue at a store and she gushed that my mother was the sweetest woman in the world. The punch line was along the "but you know that" variety. Shocked me somewhat speechless knowing my mother's tendency to be something of a victim narcissist and my living on the inside where all that woe-is-me and judgmental scorn at current events gets expressed. Outwardly my mother was trained by her parents to be cordial with strangers and cultivated that style it to appear, I guess, Southern "sweet" but also kept that front up to work for people and at the same time get to tell stories and get validation to her viewpoint in the stories from her clients. One quirk has always been my mother breaking out into a "thank you" to people she talks to for agreeing to the angle of the story she's telling when the listener affirms the idea she is striving to present as insightful in the superior way. My mother would never disagree with a client so would be entirely sweet to anyone met in public or their private home. it was hard to understand the "appearances matter" aspect without becoming aware where my mother draws the line in each relationship.

My Nana told me in the last couple of years that my Mum was diagnosed with “indirect behaviour” as a child, the closest I could find was “indirect aggression”, she has extremely manipulative behaviour, It seemed that my Nana didn’t grasp what that meant, she thought that just means she could misbehave undetected, but not realise that means she can also use indirect aggression to mentally torture people. I can see how indirect aggression / passive aggression can be is so extreme it can intersect with histrionic and NP styles.

I listen to so many of these symptoms and they also remind me of the symptoms of those being abused by these personality types - for me, that’s led to a lot of confusion… I used to want to be so understanding. I think I was overly sympathetic because of my own struggles. It makes it difficult to discern who exactly I’m dealing with. I’ve experienced a lot of trauma, so I think that’s also left me susceptible to being overly understanding while empathizing that we’re having struggles for similar reasons. Also, I like how you mentioned paranoia. I used to think this was what I was experiencing when I distrusted people and it turns out what I was fearing was actually real…. it turns out that there are bad people and that they do bad things. 🤦🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️

Oh, Dr. Ramani! I have watched every video you’ve made since your channel came across my path at least 3 years ago. You have taught me so much about NPD (of course!). THIS one comparing and contrasting all the personality disorders is taking my breath away!! Thank you so much!!

OCPD + narcissism explains everything! I even went through the only-two-pairs of shoes per year fight; I had to secretly save money to buy what they needed as their feet grew or they needed band or track shoes, and still hear the crap for doing it. The endless court battles for stuff I was only too happy to give him but he never came to get it, on and on. The endless contempt for everyone. The picky perfectionism that drove me and everyone whoever worked for or with him. Name That Tune. Thank God I'm finally free from this lunacy.

I’d be curious to hear you talk more about co dependency I also have had passive aggressive friends. This leads to covert narcissism. And abusive negative behavior. I def felt more isolated as a result of this too. Multiple people I knew were like this. I’m glad it’s a I knew although those relationships weren’t all bad.

Interesting way of looking at Histrionic PD as “Narcissism Lite.” Also, thank you for clarifying how the concept of being ego-syntonic fits into the Histrionic PD.

My ex lived at the crossover point of OCD superstition and OCPD systematizing... she'd check the burners on the stove several times before leaving the house because every time she did, her mind would skip to whether she unplugged the curling iron... and then forget whether she locked the front door because she skipped back to worrying about the stove while turning the key... and OMG, a menu could induce the paralysis of choice for half her lunch break.

My cousin is both BPD and schizophrenic/schizo affective. I was trying to help her, but she became too abusive and I had to step away. While I can't do anything for her, it helps to understand. Thank you for helping me to understand.

Dr Ramani, Thank - you for your videos on toxic people. As an adult daughter of an undiagnosed toxic mother I am forever grateful. Through my own research (10 years) I am discovering my mother displays narcissistic and BPD traits. She has bouts of deep depression, violence (when she was younger) verbal abuse and anger, however no suicidal tendencies .. Question: Is BPD always associated with self harm? Thank you Dr R and to your online community Cheers from Down Under 🇦🇺

Wow! You described my husband of 35 years with that Passive-Aggressive Negativistic style! It's exhausting, but on the plus side I've learned to do everything myself. I wanted to leave ages ago, but something always went wrong and it was bad timing, or so I felt. Two years ago I just couldn't take it anymore and asked him to leave. My health, mental and physical, has improved sooo much since then.

Thank you so much for describing these symptoms of BPD because I don't understand the difference between narcissism and BPD sometimes if I get triggered. I have friends who have BPD and would love to be able to recognize what is going on before I respond.

OMG It’s the first time I hear about OCPD 😮my ex was that! He said he had OCD but it was nothing like it, this makes so much sense! Wow you’re great Dr Ramani I admire you so much 😊

Thank you for this video, and for giving so many examples with the different personality types as well as the personality disorders. This is exceptionally helpful to clear those muddied waters from the misuses of those terms. I have a lot more realization of what these really are now rather than just what some people say or post about.

One of the most informative videos. Thank you Dr. Ramani.

I was never involved with any of these disorders. Nor do I have any of these disorders.

This is the best video I've watched I now completely understand why I was diagnosed with BPD cluster b,3. Thank you 🙏. In the end it's just a way I ended up with dealing with life after 5 suicide attempts 20 years ago . But, not all of the personal traits fit . I feel much better about myself now. All started with being surrounded by narcissistic people from a young child

People who have borderline personality disorders seek treatment, while those who are narcissistic do not

Even though I have suffered at the mind of a narcissist and their lack of empathy, understanding and realisation that their horrid childish behaviour won't be tolerated. They have to understand that if they don't look to change their hateful destructive attitude they will loose all friends and people who once enjoyed their company. There is help available and they should seek out that help to recover. I hope the help is there when they need it.

I have myself piece of each one of these. I can see pieces of me in all. I was accused of being a narcissist by my daughter, then I went to get a complete evaluation by a psychologist. His final words to me was that trauma is at the root of all your behaviors, but no your not a narcissist. The funny things is that she’s a lot like me🤣

Thank you so much for sharing the information in such easy way to understand and follow. It helps to deal with understanding self and other people around you. Love watching your clips.

I'm borderline and I'm terrified of being abusive or manipulative. I sometimes aks I my boyfriend and my long terms friends about that. So far so good, apparently😅 But I struggle with despair and hurt myself, causing myself bruises :/

I'm learning a tremendous amount from you!! Thank you for the thorough and easy to understand explanations.

Best Video Yet, and I listen every day. Smart Woman, I hope she continues to educate, give insight, give real attention and help others with her experiences, education, support and advice for the ones that are trying to learn about themselves and others. Thank you, Dr. Ramani

I would be very interested in learning how these personality types react with high masking neurodivergent personalites

I've still been in trauma years later after I've saved my ex from hanging himself. I do think he was BPD, yet narc like you said. I'm finally realizing that him breaking up with me kept me from what I kept putting off. His wanting to hook up for supply a few months ago was a huge mistake. I'm hurt again and they ghosted me after three days of doing that. Don't fall for it, anyone, if they act like they want to be back with you. It was just his "supply" filling.

Just a note: in classical studies we are thought that "histrionic" comes from the Latin word meaning actor, mime and not from the Greek word ύστερα which means womb like for ex the word hysterical, which match with the definition of theatrical

OMG, I was just thinking Histrionic personality sounds like narcissistic light. I was thinking of a relative that I get sad about because I believe she has narcissistic tendencies. But sometimes she acts as if she cares. I don’t know maybe she’s really good at manipulation. I do not take her behavior personally anymore. It used to break my heart. She’s very confusing.

Loved, loved, loved learning these differences! Thanks for your knowledge and expertise on this topic. I cant wait to learn more.😉👍♥️

Thank you, thank you, thank you Dr. Ramani! I was diagnosed with BPD at 23, and have been so afraid I might also be a narcissist; I've had family members tell me I was, unfortunately. Within 2 minutes of this video I understood the difference, thank you SO MUCH for what you do. For anyone with BPD, there is tons of hope! I have been in therapy for over a year now, and DBT group for months. The information from DBT has been more valuable to my life than any other experience I've had. Never give up!

Listen ! I don’t have to care about your problem!

I agree with most things in this video, but squirreling away money is good practice if you’re living paycheck to paycheck. A medical emergency or a death can financially ruin someone, money and possessions aren’t everything by a long shot but depending on the situation having a nest egg of sorts is good. Not helping in an emergency when you’re okay is bad, but being frugal can be a smart plan, especially if you’re trying to get yourself into a better situation.

I was diagnosed with BPD many years ago, so I went into therapy, both individual and group settings. Since then I’ve been able to manage and regulate my emotions, set realistic boundaries and remain drug free and self harm free for 12 years now. Now 61 years old, I’ve worked very hard to change myself and my life. I guess my question is, can someone with BPD be cured? Could I have been misdiagnosed? I just broke free from a 12 year on again off again narcissistic relationship a couple of months ago, and initially I struggled with abandonment issues. Since watching your videos and working on my own self discovery and self growth through an intense journaling process, I was able to go NO CONTACT and start to find inner strength and peace again.

Thank u....it wasn't until the clarity at the very end speaking into narcissistic personality traits vs disorder & the fact that it's not diagnosable....that I was relieved to have listened to the whole lecture....cause it was a lot. It is a powerful word & ur clarity & depth surrounding it & the traits associated with it are super helpful. I very much appr3ciate when pros call out bogus-Ness online...we can all get caught in these traps & I'm thankful you spoke into this:)

1st thing a narcissist does, tells you there’s something else wrong with you, and why you should care. Even if it’s not true subjectively. They have to convince you, you are something else when they lose control.

As a clinician, I think this video is helpful. One criticism is the sort of implied strict definitions to all these PDs and their manifestations. Behaviors can have varied motivations and explanations. Observing a person with judgment or looking for certain dx can cause mistaken diagnosis. It is important that untrained persons do not dx others or themselves. It's more important to trust yourself and your experiences so that you can decide if a relationship is safe and reciprocal for you. Also, everyone has character flaws, maybe even some of the aforementioned traits. That doesn't mean that any person should be dehumanized and made unworthy of love or relationship because of flaws, symptoms, or a dx. It doesn't automatically justify divorce either. Patience, grace, reflection are needed in these situations.

Yes, thank you! I'm diagnosed with BPD and recently I've started therapy and as hard it is to admit to some of my own faults rather than avoiding them and repeating the same mistakes I've come to a place where I'm sort of in an existential crisis because I really see how selfish I can be and this led me to wonder whether I'm really a covert narcissist. Haven't watched the whole video but had to comment first, I'm kind of excited to hear your thoughts!

It would have been nice if you also had included C-PTSD since it overlaps so much with especially BPD

Thirty years ago I walked away from a narcissist with a healthy touch of OCPD with almost nothing. But I had a great career, and am now very happily remarried. Your videos have taught me soooo much, explaining my family of origin and the one sibling who is determined to either control me or destroy me. Blessed with two very loving and supportive siblings, plus my daughter and grandchildren. The information you have given me helps me to navigate all relationships with opened eyes. I used to be the eternal optimist and very gullible. Not anymore! Blessings and love, Dr. Ramani!

This is why your videos have become so important for me. Your teaching so I can understand

I can hardly begin to describe how much Im suffering. Im losing the will to fight for a happiness that feels far out of reach and I can no longer imagine a life where I feel happy in any circumstances. The anhedonia and numbness feels like a perfect storm of hope-destroying symptoms. I can’t stop running away from myself even though theres nowhere to go. Nothing satisfies. Nothing helps. It feels selfish to talk about. I can’t stop ideation and intrusive thoughts. I hate myself for failing to be happy alone. I hate myself for hurting myself and others. Im scared of finding new ways I can’t enjoy things that I should be happy about. I avoid going home. I avoid people. I avoid hobbies. I can’t relieve stress in any meaningful way. I find myself wishing my life will end every day. My car was broken into and a bunch of stuff was stolen and I couldn’t even feel angry. How can it be that a human being can even feel like this?

Taking a break from this wonderful presentation at 28 minutes. I will come back. Very very interesting with the varieties of strong minded people that we have in my family. I’m thinking at this point of my youngest grandchild even with the help of Quakers ( in a school attended). Now getting much better with out medication from five different therapists, with a personality disorder, attitude instead of a chemical disorder but of course, now they all have to be considered together. I’ll be back.

That closing speech was Olympic Gold. God bless you a million times, Dr Ramani!

Dr RAMANI, You have such a likeable and genuine personality. I wish the world had more of your compassion and true kindness. Thank you for your beautiful heart and wisdom. God bless you!

Interesting info. I def think I had a friend who was histrionic leaning. Or at least had some of that going on. It did feel very much like toxic NA. She told me she sometimes would assume or used to assume she was best friends with someone If she met someone once. And she def did that to me and my friend circles. On top of codependency and narcissistic tendencies. Gaslighting and aggressive verbal abuse became highly present at the end no matter how kind I tried to end this friendship. I felt bad. Because I cared for them. I just couldn’t do it anymore. I’ve also experienced personality disorders where someone is suicidal and it sadly took this persons life. She would change drastically and suddenly also want to do something random that felt immature for her age. Then would be very sweet and then suddenly very angry then beg for forgiveness then flip and admit she was lying. Very confusing something wasn’t right about that friendship I had. I blamed myself for a long time. And am learning this was likely sadly something beyond my human ability. And I am now at a point of letting those feelings go: although it’s difficult because there is a lot of pain there. Thanks for posting about these other disorders. It’s interesting hearing about them and how they can look like narcissism

I think I needed to see this. I am still holding out hope that my mom is not a narcissist. Omg: I have been wondering for a while if my husband was passive aggressive. It’s unfortunate that it’s not part of the DSM. Because you described him to a T. I might have recognized him sooner, if this had been covered sooner.

Yes Narcissist with other disorders is more stressful harsh life for me. Radical exception work. But man it works your mind, emotions and physical exhausting

Thank you for this exceptional explanation. It has helped me tremendously to understand the dynamics and overlap of some family members behaviors and personalities and that all the therapy in the would wouldn’t change them so nothing I say will either (which I already knew but it is reassuring to hear from a professional). It is such a relief and makes my journey of forgiveness to achieve personal wellness and happiness easier. Thank you again for all of your wonderful videos.

Wait a minute...the borderline folks I have treated have been overwhelmingly angry and manipulative. They are funny and smart, and complimentary to a fault. Until you refuse them something, or don't align with them in their actions against others. THEN the nastiness comes out. Do yourself a favor and do not get into a romantic relationship or friendship with a borderline. Keep them at a distance and have a happier, calmer life.

Treatment with CBT or DBT for these diagnoses assumes they have insight. Most don't and "treatment" fails.

Needed this so much this morning ❤

My favorite, probably the smartest woman I’ve ever heard in the world! Thank you again thank you thank you thank you thank you!❤

If Dr. Ramani were the Grand Poobah of the DSM, she would rename OCPD "Ebenezer Scrooge Personality Disorder". Then, everyone would understand it instantly.

I was so happy at first that this video was about how BPD can appear like narcissism or be mistaken for it, because I was abused by someone who felt narcissistic but who I believe was probably diagnosed with BPD although he never specifically told me that was his diagnosis (he just told me bits and pieces of his issues and I put it together). But then right after you finished describing what BPD is (and you were describing my abuser almost exactly), you started in on what it’s like when a BPD person is with a narcissist, which isn’t what the title of this video suggested you were talking about. Every time I thought you’d go back to what I was waiting to hear, it was more about what happens BETWEEN narcs and BPDs, and I got so upset I had to stop watching the video.

Thankyou Dr Ramini for this immensely informative video. I now understand that my husband has OCPD and NPD.

Dr. R this is sooooo good! Thank you! ❤

This is great!! I def. had a mix of of personality disorder and then was with a narc. Now I have two adult sons whom I whiteness with both traits.. one of each. I just listened to The Body Keeps the Score.. WOW!! I wonder if you know of this book Dr. Ramani !? It’s so very good.