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I think being alone seems to be a better option.

Baby!!!! This man withheld everything. From sex, affection, attention, money. They withhold any and everything they think will hurt you. Thinking you will come crawling back. I did at first when I didn't know about narcissist. After I learned the game his withholding became my healing. It gave me time to heal and get away from him.

They withhold emotional intimacy.

Children need to be educated about this in schools to prevent them wasting their time and lives with these vile people

Anytime he sees me happy he literally gets angry. I smile 24/7 😁

They definitely withhold approval, compliments, commendation, encouragement, forgiveness. ....and companionship.

1) Narcissists enjoy manipulating and controlling others, including withholding certain things to torment their victims. 2) They withhold affection as a form of punishment and to maintain control in the relationship. 3) Narcissists may withhold the truth or not tell the entire truth, which can include omitting important details. 4) They may withhold sex as a form of control and to torment their partners. 5) Narcissists may withhold resources, such as money, information, or emotional support, as a way to maintain power and control in a situation.

No victim should have to live like that - being tortured by such a creature in a so called 'Relationship.'

The blood bank is closed... so long Dracula! I deserve better!

The MOST POWERFUL man that ever lived was gentle 95% of the time. He didn't use anyone for $, or anything else, and died for all. Narcissists are the opposite. They are evil.

They withhold to bait you by keeping you confused and in fog until you become frustrated . They’ll hold that frustration against you and say to you and everyone else you’re confrontational or argumentative

Sleep deprivation is another weapon. Audio warfare, screaming and staring arguments in the night.

I went from a bride to an enemy in one night.😂😂😂😂

Yes he wouldn't show me any affection. Withheld sex then just laughed and left me crying. Evil . Kicked him out after 6 years of hell . So happy to be free . No man will destroy me again.

The narc would not hug me.

All of us deserve better !!

They think that you think like they think, and if they think you dont think like they think, they think your a sucker/their supply.

Wow,wow, It hurts me the More i hear the truth the more it Hurts.

The smirking and the laughing is also another way they torment you - even in photographs the narcissist I knew had this smug, superior smirk on his face, like 'I am better than you!' Just awful.

I deserve love. Respect and validation..no compromise

I deserve so much better

I can relate to the affection withholding! She love/lust bombed the hell out of me! Then pulled it back the minute I asked some questions about something she was clearly lying about!

People are All users and abusers so I don’t care about people! The more people I meet, the More I miss my Dog!

Yes like when they cheat on you multiable times do not take it personal 😮👌

THEY ARE JEALOUSE. ABSOLUTELY TRUE. Mine withheld. EVERYTHING. Y thing

I left and I deserve better.

I DESERVE MUCH BETTER.

I changed my ex narcs name to i deserve better in my phone so whenever i was tempted to unblock her i thought twice

I deserve better!!! Withholding sex was the last straw! I thought it might be a prostate disfunction on his part -then I found he was just being mean. 😢

I've been married for 20 years to my husband and we've been together for 29 years. I met him when I was 17 years old and he was 21. Well to make it short for about the past 10 years after birth of our 4rth child he has been withholding emotional intimacy. He says I don't deserve to be kissed anymore because of lying about partying with my friends when I was in college. During college he was very controlling so i wouldn't tell him when I went out with friends just to dance. I'm a dancer and it's a passion for me. So recently he has been extremely enraged about it. He hugs me goodbye only when I'm leaving the house with the boys as if to make himself look like a great loving husband in front of the kids. About a year ago my youngest son noticed how he withholds money from me and he stated mommy when I grow up I'm going to give you money all the time. Our oldest daughters have also noticed thing about him they are 21 and 19. We have 4 children. My oldest son is 14 and was just recently granted a birthday party when he turned 14. He goes so far as to not allow me to plan parties for our children. It's getting to the point recently that I suffered with suicidal thoughts from his torture. He's always accusing me of cheating or wanting other men. I've been faithful this whole time. I also cant talk with my Pastor because he and His wife have narcissistic tendancies as well. I don't know what to do besides secrectly plan to disappear with our youngest children and that's not realistic I'm not financially able to leave. I cry all the time and listen to music about God's love for me because what I know about Jesus he withholds nothing and doesn't shame us of our past or accuse us. He also constantly asking me what's wrong but when I share to him how he's making me feel about withholding intimacy he turns it around on me and blames me because of college 22 years ago. And want to know every detail of the parties I cant even recall. I refuse to talk about it because it just makes him more enrage. He says I hurt him and I'm trying to figure out why he even married me if the whole time he believes Im cheating and accusing me of wanting other men. It makes no sense and and I feel like I'm losing my mind. Recently I read about Leah on the Bible and I feel my life mirrors hers in alot of ways. He also has been emotionally involved with female coworkers 3 that I can name. 2 have visited our church . One actually placed her child in our church camp and was extra flirty on a trip to Disney World and he admitted to meeti her on a Sat to change her tire and kissed her but denies now that that happened it was when my second daughter was a year old. The other recently visited our church and he walked all the way to her side agter church and embrassed her. I was so ashamed. And he says it was nothing. I never felt so hurt and when I called him out on it he argued with me about my college days 20 something years ago as to why he did it. I'm so over him now and I'm battling regret thinking I made a wrong life choice. Also his older brother 30 years ago was stabbed by his girlfriend at the age of 20. His brother was physically abusive to her so the police did not arrest the woman. His brother died and he was there. So I feel his issues and hate towards me are a result of that trauma I also believe he is stuck me tally as a 18 year old when that happened. He will be 49 this year. I have mentioned this to him and he gets really upset and angered and says I lack compassion but he is still grieving its hard for me to grieve his brother because I never met him. When I met my husband he was stalking the girlfriend who killed the brother and had lots of rage toward her I convinced him to stop doing that and he did. So there were so many red flags but a 17 year old is too too blind to see these things then. I know I made my bed in hell but God is with me. All I do is pray and he also has asked me to stop praying and calling on Jesus name. This has been exhausting just reflecting on all this pain.

They will definitely try to provoke you at work to do something stupid.

I deserve better! Learned I was dating one and didn't realize it till the end putting all the signs together. The love bomb is serious especially if you been single for a while. Be careful in this world, be stronger than them. They hate that!

Thay are full of rage that' s why they try to make you emotional and insane. They like negativity and conflicts because they are full of it and can' t stand your positivity or peace.

You are so right about empaths. I was sexually abused at 5 and 17. I was date raped. Now in a 20 year marriage with a Narcissistic man I met shortly after beind date raped by an ex boyfriend. Ive only dated 2 people my whole life. The man who raped me at 17 and the narc I'm now married to. My life is an emotional roller coaster. I deserve better!

Another one is withholding really nice pictures/photos of you, and especially if they have social media, posting the bad ones (by comparison) instead.

When they withhold emotion from you, then blame you for being hurt because you're upsetting THEM, but they've been having an emotional affair (as far as i can tell, could be more tmh) with a co-worker the whole time, giving the affectionate behavior to them. While telling you "i just can't care about your emotions right now, I have to take care of the people I love"... just me? 😔

Bingo I got hours of texting from him in the early stage ,,,now I am lucky to get any from him even though we are in the same house

Few months ago, I went out of town one weekend w my kids, took them down to the beach. He called me Fri night to make sure we arrived safely. My kids and I were in the indoor pool area - so it was hard to hear, I told him I’d call him back. Well…i didn’t call him back until Saturday night. And WOW…ever since then, he has withdrawn from me. Like I’m being punished.

I'm a behaviorist. Behaviorists are uniquely perturbed by narcissists because we can see this whole other set of Motivating Operations that are governing a separate, unique set of behaviors which include lying, misleading, and withholding the truth. The MO conditions are unique and special to the narcissist's ongoing behavior and perceived needs. Behaviorists see these conditions that lead to the pathological/compulsive lying by narcissists...and it is SO painful to witness

I deserve better .. my ex narc is doing this to me atm .. with hold intimacy !!

I deserve better

I will tell you up front. #1 is information needed to make vital decisions! There is the lies of omission.

The ex a covert narcissist is ADDICTED to terrorize, torment and try to make me squirm! He tries and tries even rt now however I’m ignoring him 100%. While together yes he withheld affection allot versus when we first got together the affection was astronomical. I was duped! I was sucker punched! He has NO capability to truly be affectionate.

Narc boss brought me in, abandoned my training within the first month, had me go stay for extended periods for “training” that didn’t happen, withheld information details about performing specific tasks and then let me make a mistake and shamed me for it; didn’t let me know he needed particular info for something and then when he wasn’t prepared blamed his failure in me (I’m still trying to learn a very complicated new job!) Then fired me after I’d spent a bunch of money for lodging to be there for training and now I have to go after him to abide by the law and reimburse me. I felt stupid, confused, incapable, lazy, emotional the entire time (Exocet for what must’ve been the first three weeks of boss love bombing?)

"I deserve better " and I told him that 2 months before I walked away from him.

The legal profession needs more attorneys like you. Most judges and lawyers don't understand the narcissistic manipulation and it's very difficult, especially if there's children involved, for a spouse or mother of children to extricate themselves in a court of law because the narcissist is so clever at the manipulation.

Wow this definitely was my last relationship! I finally went no contact. I Deserve Better!!!!!!!!!

I loved that analogy of the kid torturing a worm, I once took a lighter to an earthworm to see what would happen. I felt so horrible watching wringing and writhing in pain. I never did that again. I do not know how people can get off watching something innocent get hurt. Thank you for this video!!

I'm a very good woman I'm a empath and he is always trying to pick a fight and gaslight me and holler and curse at me then he comes home and he is so sweet and loving but I have my garden up and I'm aware of his ways thank you Rebecca for helping me with this

"I DESERVE BETTER" I truly mean it!! Gratitude Rebecca for all support, I can see clear now all what I have been through!

This is my father in a nutshell. I’ve been trying to break away for years. My stroke, has made that much more difficult.

You are sooo right!!!Sounds like my soon to be ex. I am sick of it, its Wednesday and because he is mad, no affection, no communication, no sex, nothing since Sunday 😢. I am looking to move, almost 6 years of this and i am over it.

I DESERVE BETTER!!

You reminded me when I tried to initiate dance with my narcissist husband and he withdrew like I was a hot flame.

This all resonates..the with holding of sex was the hardest thing I've ever been through I deserve better

I have deserved better my whole adult life. Maybe I'll get it now. Raised to be an empath, others first!

I felt duped and it took years of my life to figure it out, as I tried to explain to family.

I deserve some who knows HOW they can take care OF THEMSELVES.

And soon after that when you stop paying attention to him, I decided to open up a I’m monarch butterfly habitat and my time went to that and he just cried telling everybody. Oh he just suffered for five years well that’s because it was narcissistic injury. That’s what it was.

I deserve much better😊!

My hypervigilance is nuts because of this.

So so so so so so so accurate. It's such a sad truth unfortunately.

I’m currently with a narcissist and I am at my limit. I did not know he was a narcissist until after being together for four years and getting married now I’m with a man that I did not sign up to be with wondered for years. Why can’t my husband just do the things that he knows will make me happy why if I say up he says down if I say left, he says right This man did everything in his power and still does the thing that’s gonna disappoint me rather than the thing that’s gonna make me happy. Until right now I finally get it. I already knew that he enjoyed driving me crazy and I think this is all part of it. He loves seeing me. He loves seeing me lose my mind. I’ve only listen to the first thing you said, but I can also tell you that a narcissist they withhold sex, intimacy, really just any form of empathy, caring and I would ask my husband why don’t you wanna have sex with me and he would never give me a reason ever which made me feel unwanted and disgusting and stupid for being turned down constantly. I’ve stayed with this man through so much abuse, I need to get out of this relationship

This Vidéo should be presented in Schools. Prevention is the best for futur happier lives. Our kids should know all about this stuff. The younger,the better❤

I deserve better 💜

I Deserve Better!!!!

It is about power / control of the other person. Had some of that stuff done to me. I got professional help and gained the knowledge and tools, that way I could make an informed decision that was in my best interests. Thank goodness I recorded a lot of stuff and played that - once the people I hired to "check me out" heard those recordings, they knew straight away what was going on. If they had not heard those recording, I would have got the wrong information and help.

I DESERVE BETTER!!!!

I'm crying listening to this because it's my entire relationship being told to me by someone that doesnt know me. The things that are driving me crazy and sending me into the worst depression ive ever had and its all just a game ro someone. I believe im a magnet for narcissists truely. I found out way to late what a narcissist truly was and the things they do. I didnt understand what was happening and lost my baby to this nutjob and have been fighting for my 1 and only child for the past 2 years. It amazes me the things her father says and does and people just believe him and im the devil but none of it is true. I finally feel comfortable enough to take a chance with someone just to find ive met far worse and I hadnt seen a thing yet. No one has ever made me feel bad about myself or doubt who i am. No one has ever made me feel like im fat or ugly cant do anything right and just so unwanted until this guy that started off great. Now i havent seen him in days, he doesn't touch me, we are sleeping different rooms, he lies lies les, and im crazy and being clingy, BUT if im down to bring a friend then he's all for it. Like im just not good enough alone. Im in a nightmare that just wont end.

I deserve better. My Mothee deserved better too. I believe my Father is a covert narc. He withheld sex for 19 years and that stalemate only ended after Mum died. He was keen to start dating again on the first anniversary of her death.

I put a brother through Grad School... if he wanted to PUNISH ME he'd take me to a restaurant and Verbally trash me IN FRONT OF SERVERS.

Your videos have been invaluable throughout my journey of co-parenting with a narcissist. Thank you for all that you do and for helping me to understand that it’s not me who is the crazy one. I can’t wait to read your new book. ❤️

I deserve better....✊️

Thank you for your insight/wisdom. I’m exiting a five year stint with a narcissist. I don’t just throw that word around. Once you experience someone like this you understand the seriousness of “narcissist”. I still have two months before moving out. I’d rather leave asap, but not possible. I’m concerned about an escalation of her tactics as the date gets closer and she sees I’m serious. Right now her tactics are subtle, but I know how far she’s gone before. What I don’t know is how far she’s willing to go. Praying for a way to have my life back without losing it. LiveRightToday

I deserve better!

My grandparents were demanding to be placed on a pedastal - " DIAMONDS" They didn't deserve it. That's unrequinted love, I understand the bullshit now. They're no longer on a pedastsl.

I deserve better.

If they have to choose between winning and hurting you, they'll choose hurting you.

Withholding affection almost killed me with my covert Narc ex , because my mother is a covert and cold like a dead fish. My ex is a porn addict-btw: he said I shouldn't take it personal so I struggle with saying we shouldn't take it personal. It is, because Narcs don't mistreat everyone. So, my Ex wanted sex, but he withheld anything I asked him for what I liked in bed. He didn't touch or caress me and he didn't want to be touched. So it ended almost like I satisfied him in 90% of the cases and I didn't want Sex, any longer. Which is quite weird because I wasn't like this in earlier relationships. Btw: I blamed those sexual issues I developed in this relationship on my perimenopause and I still struggle with sexual-abuse like issues years later and though being in an amazing relationship now. Blaming myself for everything came in handy for him, I guess. Also he didn't help in the house. I asked him to clean the dishes a few times, he set the whole kitchen under water and told me he has issues coordinating, so I always did it myself.

Torment of any kind is NOT love. Get away as fast as you can from these Bad Seeds.

Both sides of my paternal/maternal sides of my family threw us out as " the throw away kids because my parents were not conformed , we were not offered any other options as to healthy family supports.

Thanks for providing these helpful videos.I always addressed my covert narc wife with a term of endearment, while she would just call me by my first name 90% of the time. She methodically increased the excuses to avoid sex to the point of total physical abandonment. The process was ridiculous with me staying up for hours attempting foreplay, waiting for that "maybe later" to happen, foolishly trying to gently out argue the "is that all you want me for," or listening to some form of criticism or absurd accusation as she made it clear she was going to just lay there and make sure there would be no moment of intimacy and I would just give up trying, As the 20 yrs got worse and I got more mentally exhausted of being the only one investing or attempting intimacy, we have three children and feel deeply entrenched in a toxic marriage, I no longer even try and sure enough....she has not attempted or made any gestures of intimacy towards me. I'm trying to understand how this is possible as I work from home and know that she's not cheating, how can she not have any physical/intimacy desires. Looking back, it was always me who initiated all intimacy except for when she was trapping me (at the very beginning)....I can't believe I didn't have enough self-esteem, awareness, or wisdom to see it earlier...I truly blamed myself and was made to feel at fault for a massive amount of her unhappiness even though logically that unhappiness was already there when I met her...After all, I would be her loving hero and everything would turn out wonderful....never thought that I was being manipulated and set up to be used for so many years. I don't think it's healthy to be like this, anything I care about is dismissed, all joys seem to get critiqued into misery, zero praise and zero encouragement (not sure how I've survived this long), I'm responsible for everything, so many things are challenged and second guessed, to have supported her for all these years and to have no trust is painful, and I'm seeing significant signs of emotional damage/changes to my daughters. Now that is also being blamed on me.... Not sure how to untangle this mess...

All so true, "it's all about respect!"

I deserve soooo much better! Also beware It is "Mine" Me syndrome. As well as they claim that they bought this and that when you obviously have a receipt on the item.

Rebecca, You are always so spot on. You are a godsend. Gratitude!

It’s a bag of Rattlesnakes, for sure.

I wish I’d heard this decades ago! I deserved better so long ago. 😢

Guys, nobody can die in your place to pay for your sins. You are responsible for your own life and how you treat people. We've been bamboozled.

The suspected ex narc I dealt with knew I wanted to go on dates. I was often the one who planned, initiated and paid for any dates we’d go on. Meanwhile he couldn’t be bothered to plan or initiate a date. His excuse was he didn’t know how to date and he never went on a date. Yet he’d go out to eat with his friends, family etc but when it came to me he couldn’t be bothered.

I DESERVE BETTER😔

I DESERVE BETTER! I RECEIVE IT NOW! THANK YOU GOD! THANK YOU REBECCA. GOD BLESS YOU!

My ex is a master of half-truths. She rearanges the timeline of truth too. Miss-leading w/out lying. Then tell you that you miss-understood what she said.

Dear CCC: I deserved better, I'm so happy without you!

I deserve better!!

They want to see you only when it suits them.

I deserve better!! One full year of no dating , no belonging to anyone but myself and take time to heal.

Best thing is to break the trauma bond and find a supportive system of trusted friends and carefully selected new friends. Thoroughly enjoy your time with them ( it drives my narc husband mad when I talk and laugh a lot with my friends on the phone ). But keep them away from your home or your 🐊 will swallow them alive, ie steal them and turn them against you. Narcs are extremely good at this.

I do deserve better.

I don’t understand how my brother could possibly think the things he thinks about me, or have such a horrible opinion of me. That is what I am struggling with the most. I have been a really good, kind, thoughtful sister, what did I do to cause such extreme disdain, hatred & cruelty? I just can’t understand his opinion of me.