It’s so true, they are absolutely obsessed with impressing strangers but will treat their own family members, who love them, like trash.

Biggest red flag to discover a covert : they ratchet up your sympathy/ guilt for " not helping THEM enough" even though they do ZERO for you and you have been BEYOND generous with your love, time and money.

Narcs truly are already living in their own hell. Under their false self they are self-loathing and miserable.

Getting away from the narc in my life was the best decision I ever made in my life.

What's sucks is that we find this information and help after the damage is done. The aftermath of their actions is the worst....so painful and destructive.

Let them dig their own grave and don't look back. Move on with your life and stay strong. They sow their own seeds so don't give them any water.

They will destroy their own lives and anyone else in their path who they blame.

"They underestimate you. They overestimate themselves. Allow their ego to be their downfall. As long as you give them rope they will hang themselves." How we hope this is true-reaping and sowing manifest.

“Never interrupt the enemy when they’re making a mistake!” 3/7/23 - Now that I think about it, I think Peter O’Toole said it in “The Lion In Winter” when he played King Henry II, Plantagenet.

I have been around narcissistic people all my life. I walked away because of their toxic attitudes. I keep moving on and look to better times ahead.

I felt sorry for this person for 50+ years. Then I got sick. Boy, did I get kicked in the face by the emotional abuse.

The saddest part of them is when they get old & they see that everyone around them has moved on in their own lives & they’re still stuck in a particular time period. They look around & see that they absolutely have nothing - no family, friends, money, etc and that others have successfully secured their future. I’ve seen it in many of my friends as time went on. They would rather live as a victim- then come clean about their poor judgement & take responsibility for anything in their life. That my friend is SAD .

I’m moving on… what is painful for me is that others don’t know or see the narcissism they’ve seen the false self that was presented and I look like the angry bad guy!

I'm so GRATEFUL for so many things. I refused to be a victim. I thrive anyways.Despite being villianized, and bullied, and shit on. I'm still grateful, and thankful and I still dance,smile , and laugh.

I'm in a legal battle with mine and its bizarre to see how every time they make a false claim and get called out and proven wrong on it they just rearrange their narrative and go at it again, as if none of their claims are being documented let alone are all going to be used against them in court later as proof this whole shyte show is just a huge narcissistic bullying and extortion attempt gone wrong.

I have experienced the tantrum after telling a toxic person I no longer wanted to be their friend anymore because they told me they would no longer respect my boundaries, and I was tired of all the emotional, verbal, and gaslighting. They went into a rage, told me they unfriended me first. Ok, whatever. Lol..... The very next day, they were acting like nothing was wrong, and they are "Ok" with me...... Nope. Did not reply. If they see me as the "bad person", that is on them. Not My problem. These boots are from walking away from toxic people and situations.

This is all true. Especially that they are genuinely shocked when you leave them.

I've moved on! Amended my divorce paperwork today, from barely taking anything, to making him give me half of everything. He was always a victim. I even asked him, don't you get tired of being a victim?? He rolled his eyes. Whatever. I'm stronger then him. I will prevail.

Don't tell a narcissist you are leaving or confront them. It's a death sentence.

"They have to be the victim" really resonates its really quite shocking in the middle of stabbing you in the back they r crying about how hurt they are. And that they would rather have outside sources than family is so damn true.

I am moving on! I so relate to this. I used to ask him why he sabotaged all the time. With lying or deceit or secrets something would always come to the light and then he’s the victim. Apologizing and hoovering. I’ve never experienced anything like this before. The emotional abuse is unbelievable.

Even a paralyzed person has enough self respect not to seek PITY.

My covert narcissist ex seems to have much better control of his emotions. I rarely ever in 20 years saw him lose it. I’m the one who has the passionate honest transparent outburst of emotion when something unjust is done.

I agree, they are THE WORST! Like an enemy that pretends to be a friend.

I suspect my sister-in-law of being one of these, she brings havoc in other people's lives but she's the victim

I moving on,with God on our side we win!🙏💙💙

I’ve tried to move on- 8yrs later, she’s still dragging me through court. It’s truly a sickness.

Number 6 is where the flying monkeys come in. Once the story has been established about how difficult you are, always carefully based on a truth or a true situation but they run with it and you can never atone for whatever it was that you displayed or something you said in distress and frustration.

both my parents and now brother are narcissists... so naturally all my first boyfriends were narcissists... one day i decided NO MORE - and was amazed to find this kind amazing guy... who of course turned out to be a covert narc.... now finally 18 years later I am almost free of all of them ( 2 kids with the covert... ) the covert was actually the most HELLISH of them all

I live with a narcissist and he was shocked when I stopped talking to him. Just a awful condition, or whatever it is. Definitely agree with you that they think kindness and empathy are a weakness.

I am moving on. My sister I feel sorry for her, self victimizing has become her MO. My sister has everything a person could want and still the world holds no joy. She releases her rage of lack of self worth onto those who love her the most.

when the narc goes into their rage...just step back and observe...they will literally fall in the hole they dug for you.

Narcissists are EVERYWHERE. Only finding out now what these people are about. I’ve been a narcissist magnet in the past but now I get the hell out if its looking suspicious. My most recent experience was a “friend” who was bossy and non caring uninterested in my stuff. Blocked her and she tried another platform blocked that and everything else she was on. Next thing I’m getting a text from her granddaughter, they are relentless. It’s over now thank goodness

I was with a covert narcissist for a couple of yrs. The 1st covid isolation gave me that little bit of time to research his behaviours - & there were many. That's when I was card & out. It hurt but staying would have hurt even more. I was lost, & a mere shadow of my former self.....

Great video!!! Death by 1000 cuts is real! Thanks for saying that. That’s how they get people sucked in. We say to ourselves. Hummm. Did he mean that? Is he socially inept? He didn’t mean that bc that was so mean. He has no reason to be mean to me. They are excessively insecure and jealous but have learned how to dole it out to where they can get away with it for awhile. They can’t help themselves.

Mother Theresa was a kind person in the first sight but after the door was closed I understood that she was a person who really knew "what she wants"..

I can’t thank you enough for the help you have given me in understanding the way I’ve been demeaned and demoralised by close family members many years of my life. Due to your advice over the last three years, I was able to listen to this video retrospectively and realise that no contact whatsoever has given me both strength and peace without regret.

I'm moving on! IT feels good... I realize I just can't go down with the sinking ship!!!!!

You are right. My covert narc self sabotaged his entire life. He is always the victim and it is always someone else. He holds grudges and his ego won’t allow him to help work through problems in the relationship.

She thinks I’m weak because I’m a nice person. She has to be in conflict with everyone.

My ex narc did his self in when practicing law & lost his license to practice any more. His behavior was horrible & blamed others & of course it was not his fault - ever. Glad I got out before it happened!!! He never thought I would leave - but I did!!! I moved on!

I let my kindness be a huge weakness and get exploited as an unknowingly willing victim by two different bad people in my life; however, after realizing that I had some codependent issues and had come under the influence of people skilled in subtle manipulation, and played power games, I have been able to change myself in a not-toxic way where i'm still a decent, giving human being, but not with everyone and not right away.

I'VE MOVED ON! Over a month ago now. And it's been wonderful!

Although there are times I've asked myself if I've sabotaged my life, there's been many times that I believed I was the frog in the pot as you put it lol for years I struggled internally but normally I kept to myself about things, and in that same light tried to be nice/uplifting to others...we are our worst critic ironically, but thank you for helping clear some of the garbage with your wisdom, I respect you alot for giving information to help others

Over a decade of crazy ! Mine smokes weed every day all during the day and drinks alcohol .the combination of her narcissism fueled by marijuana and alcohol it’s like hell on earth . It’s been 30 days now blocked . I hope I can do this .. I have to say I feel my energy coming back because these people are true soul suckers…

I did confront her twice the last two weekends ago and I called her out and told her all the ugly things she had done to me and she just stayed quiet so I got up to leave and then she asked me what I was doing I didn't answer and left she called and called I blocked her I'm done never again will I give her and opportunity again and thank you I have never been so happy I feel way better and again thank you for waking me up

My sister sabotaged her own life so other people would take care of her. We both worked for our overt narc parents (the worst mistake of my life). She was bad at her job on purpose and then trapped me with guilt into staying. Cost me 10 years of no retirement contributions and being severely underpaid. I should have left at 18 and never looked back.

There is also a genetic component to Narcissism. It’s not just due to a bad childhood.

I’m moving on!! They don’t think people can truly live them because they don’t truly love themselves. They don’t really think no one could love them!!!

With positive support (family, friends, prayers, and the good Lord). I’m moving on!

The Frog in boiling pot of water. This is where I am at. I can not go home because my grown children and soon to be ex LIED on a restraining order. I attacked him and my our grown child. (I have severe carpel tunnel and sciatica. ) He lied on the divorce documents also. I was arrested , no place to live, my he isolated me from family . I owe two lawyers and my family . I get up daily with GRADITUDE. Thank you, Rebeca for your free training.

When I meet someone that's not that " exciting" and dose t make me anxious now I'm excited because I know most likely they are not a narcissist.

I left and he couldn’t believe it. I took all the money with me.

Yes and they suck all smiles but rotten to there core sighs and runs away

Dating online and I keep meeting people who are users. I have gotten rid of all my online accounts. I just blocked the last person I will ever talk to again. I have moved on.

Wow. This is my ex to the T. I also find that they sabotage themselves by doing nothing when you are negotiating. Totally agree you can change the way your brain is. I am in the process of releasing the trauma in my body which changes the way your brain operates. Thank you for all what you do for people

I have been through narcissistic abuse as a child then when my mom passed away I have since moved and found myself for the second time and it's the same covert narcissist 🙏🏻

They lash out viciously and I used to turn the other cheek. Now that I know how horribly toxic they are and how to recognize them that is NO LONGER HAPPENING!

Mother Teresa , Rosalyn Carter, Rosa Parks & Fannie Hamer will always be in my heart.

Even more of a mindscrew is when she labels ME as the narcissist.

I have been married to a covert narcissist for 14 years. So many times he has sabotaged his own life. Ridiculous. I have wasted so much of my time, love, effort and energy rescuing his ass. Cleaning up his messes. No more. Screw that!

they dont care they dont feel failure or feelingsin general and until they die they will never admit to any wrong doing

My covert narcissist mom sabotaged her own life by naming my malignant narcissist brother as trustee over her estate. As the water was getting warmer and warmer all around her, he turned up the heat, phonying up evidence to get her declared incompetent so he could get control over her money. When that didn't work, he hastened her death by getting her addicted to higher and higher levels of sugar while he had sole control over her diet. Yes, people, narcissists are capable of going that far! Don't underestimate their resources. And don't fail to stay far ahead of them. As slick as she was with setting up required signatures on the Power Of Attorney over her finances, Mom overestimated herself. In the end, after she was gone, the malignant narcissist reimbursed himself from her estate money he was never authorized to spend in the first place. That's embezzlement, so now, to avoid embezzlement charges, he's holding ransom the inheritances of heirs by requiring they approve the final accounting, or else they get disinherited by the in terrorum clause he bullied out of mom. Mom playing the victim & succumbing to the malignant narcissist's bullying tied my hands to help her. It was gut wrenching to watch it play out.

I am moving on 😐 up to the East side to a deluxe apartment in the sky- y y! I've finally got a piece of the pie! 🥧

I can normally spot a narcissist, but I recently had a covert live with me. I could not figure out what exactly what wrong with him. Way too emotional and over nothing, was rarely aggressive but had a few outbursts. It was very interesting to see. I simply told him I would not deal with that behavior in my home, and he left. Instead of giving 30 days notice, he snuck out moving his stuff at like 5am every day for a few weeks. Very strange but I chalked it up to him being embarrassed by his own behavior. The first thing I noticed is he was eating my food when he thought I wasn't looking and I told him to stop doing it right away.

I am moving forward. It’s been 3 months and finally had him served after running away like a 2 year old. ✌🏽🙌👏

I'm moving on...after learning so much...and becoming shocked about how they work...I won't take a step back, I will move on.

Dealing with a wife that is like that. 25 years is long enough. Enough abuse.

OMG!!! Rebecca! You describe my husband! Gave me hell for many years! I won’t talk to me, won’t try to make marriage better. I can’t fix him, and can’t pay a mortgage. I feel robbed

I got so lucky she made me move on. So glad i never looked back. Then I started dating another lady with NPD. That relationship ended muchh faster than the other one.

My mom is a narcissist. She got mad at me bc I stopped her from verbally putting me down. We got into a heated argument. And she became very petty, spiteful, and disrespectful. She was so mad at me that she wouldn’t even call my son to congratulate him on graduating from college. She always spoke highly of my son. I thought she loved him. She’s boiling with jealousy. Bc she failed her children.

They try to garner sympathy which keeps you stuck. I think people feel bad for them so they stay. They make people feel guilty.

Do the narcs not care that they are destroying their own life along with destroying the life of their victim? This question was running in my mind for the past few days and I got the answer through your video. Thank you so much ❤️

I moved in Oct 2020. Not easy but heartbreaking. I am free. No more gaslighting, lies and BS. Thank God.

My narcissist was successful and popular and remains so. Can’t relate to this.

My husband and 30 year old son are Covert narcissist. After 31 years of marriage my husband left me and stole everything I owned including my clothes before he left. His free ride was over after living rent free for 17 years in my sisters front house. When she passed away 2 years ago this month and her daughter sold the 2 acres with the 2 houses on it so we had to get out. This is when he knew I was now at his mercy and he turned into satin like a light switch over night 11 months ago I’m on disability and don’t make enough money to pay rent anywhere. Cant even rent a room somewhere. He never even showed up to my 3 daughters funeral when they were killed by a drunk driver. He turned all our friends against me by starting a smear campaign behind my back and would leave other womens underwear on my bed. He destroyed me emotionally, mentally and physically!

In 1963, our mother was misdiagnosed as "neurotic" by our family physician. Our doctor treated her with the new wonderdrug, Valium. Meanwhile our childhood (sister and I) was littered with mom's passive aggressive insinuations and physically violent actions. The years went by and by the time I was in my second-year of medical school, and our class had finished studying axis I and II personality disorders (DSM-III). It was then I realized that our mother was psychotic. She was torturing us, her children, to illustrate to the world how physically and emotionally abused she is. Our father was a U.S. Air Force Senior Officer, and her didn't allow his emotions or those of other people, to wedge in between his sense of duty, honor and the country he loved. Our father died in 1979, and was being eulogized by his friends, family and members of the United State Air Force, with whom he had served. Our mother stood up and told everyone the cold-hard-truth about our father (that was a real Betty Davis moment). No one was shocked or dismayed by her behavior. Our mom, a three-pack-a-day smoker, died of bilateral, non-small cell pulmonary carcinoma two-years after our dad passed away. Mom was far too ill and malnourished to raise the roof about her self-inflicted malady. At the end of her life, in a vented mask on 3.0 liters/min of Oxygen, she died crying. Here is the moral of the story: don't trust your PCP to diagnose abnormal behaviors exhibited by your family members.

She threatens me all the time with rages ‘I will scream until you do it’

You so nail it! Our mother preferred the company of drunks at a random bar, over the company of most of her own children and grandchildren. Asking her to do something with us was met with a solid "No" or "IT'S MY TIME!!". Every effort to love her, to ingratiate ourselves to her, was met with backbiting and outright lies that made us look bad to her audiences. And when we finally walked away, honoring "her time" by giving her the opportunity to reach out, she responded with, "THEY'VE ABANDONED ME! THEY HATE ME!" It was insane dealing with her.

To me there's a vast difference between someone who actually has been a victim of narcissistic abuse and someone who just wants to play the victim even when they are being the abuser. I wish you could do a video on that difference.

Thank you well said, ... unfortunate we have these kinds of people.. predator/control freaks in denial of their sickness 😔

Im moving on. When I cant trust anything, theres nothing to salvage.

I AM MOVING ON!

I will be moving on this situation financially struggling but that situation will work out and I will be out of here 🙏🏻

I’m moving on, great information now I know in the end toxic people will get their just desserts from all their lies and tactics and they lose everything including family and relationships the best thing is we will have better days ahead mine days are getting better and better after getting out of my crazy ex girlfriend and her crazy family

Yes Nr. 6 around min. 12 is really crazy. They do not let themselves be happy because they feel they cannot reach that high.

Totally moving on

I've lived in the same place for the last 7 years. I really didn't need a steady man in my life. Then I met "Dave" just after a couple months he was pushing me to move in with him when that didn't work he pushed to move in with me and when that didn't work READY FOR THIS... HE STARTED A FIRE AT MIDNIGHT IN THE BEDROOM OF A TRAILER HE RENTED THE LAST WEEK OF FEBRUARY with a candle. He kept the fire contained in the bedroom of a 1980's 16x60 mobile home trailer. He lost his bedroom suite, some of his clothes and few miscellaneous items. Anyway he shows up wrapped in a blanket that a neighbor gave him needing a place to stay.... He gets to play the victim. He played red cross for little over $400. I called around and found him some clothes. I contacted my landlord the next morning and the said he could stay a week and that was all. He threw a fit on the 6th night cause he new he had to go and he hadn't even tried to find a place. We fought the next night. The following morning he took what stuff he had at my house when he went to work the morning of what would have been his 8 day. He has tried to stay with me 4 an 5 nights in a row and throws a fit because he has to go somewhere else. He goes above and beyond when it comes to my yard and made repairs a round the house to impress the landlord... He gets pissed cause he cannot move in then he gets over it I swear he's bipolar. It's a vicious cycle... Any way I've never heard of a narcissist taking it that far. Willing to burn his place to the ground and the entire trailer Park. WOW

Oh, my goodness, you are completely spot on. Dealing with this behavior in an ex and a narcissistic sister. It's through videos like this That I have come to understand this crazy behavior. Thank you so much for your video and advice.

It literally makes me nauseous to deal with this person. My grandkids are at risk as long as they are in his contorted nightmare of struggling.

I'M MOVING ON

Moving on and going back to school. All this has done is give me a reason to keep going.

(Mother Theresa was tiny and evil af.) My ex sabotaged his life in ways I couldn't understand - he destroyed everything that was good and healthy for him. This is a tragedy of the narcissist - he kills everything that he (his inner child) really needs.

So spot on. I knew when my ex was lying because I've gotten to know her so well. She had certain physical tells and also couldn't keep track of the lies. She definitely saw me as weak and herself as stronger than me. She was shocked the first time I left her, almost as if "you don;'t leave me, I leave you!" I am now permanently done. The more I detach the more I start to feel like I was living in a bizarro world. I truly, truly loved her, was even willing to die for her (actual circumstances) and she discarded me for the crudest desires. Now she has none of the love and none of the help and resources that I provided her. But yes, time is a precious commodity and I'm done wasting it on her.

I've been a self sabotager my entire life. I grew up emotionally malnourished. I grew up without a father (i was the product of an affair and my dad was pretty much non existent.) My other two brothers have the same dad..etc. They were given their dads last name. My last name is my mother's married name from a marriage she left when she was younger living in another state. I feel being the "surprise pregnancy" as she told the story, i felt i was always treated differently. My brothers pretty much as they got older, got to be boys and do stupid stuff while i had to stay close to home and didn't get to do much of anything. From that i remember having tantrums as a child. Like when the entire block got to go to a pizza birthday party and i was invited too but was told i couldn't go. That type of stuff. Anyway, i was never taught how to regulate my emotions. I have always grown up feeling like no one loves me. I was bullied in school, I never had a real support system. There was no protection, nothing. I was the awkward, quiet child who got bullied and picked on not only at school but by a very unstable older brother too. I was always looking for my dad. Birthdays, holidays, etc. Then high school i discovered he was always am alcoholic yet could still be available for his eldest kids from hos marriage. No one ever showed up for me. Anyway, i grew up feeling like i jad no identity, no real friends, no hope. I had no support system as far as any mentors in the home. My neighbors let me hang out but as i got older things got complicated so no one wanted to deal with me. It was never fun. Never being picked for anything at school or being the last to get picked. I was never really happy as a child. I watched my brothers be alcoholics and drug addicts. I watched them go to jail and now they are living their best lives and im wreaking havoc on mine and everyone else's. I have abandonment issues. I have trust issues. I have identity issue. I dont approach diversity with calmness, i cuss everyone out and i blame everyone for ky messed up life.y mom came from Arkansas to California in the 1950s. I was born in 1970. I am 53 years old. I watched my mom struggle to raise us yet never work a job. I grew up lacking self discipline and went without due to money issues. My mom provided yes. We had Christmas yes. Im not negating that. But I was still lacking as a child. When i was 12 years old i took it upon myself to cut grass wash cars for pocket money. When i got older o believed the solution to our problems would be for me to work. I barely made ot out of high school. So i worked. I provided, I gave. I started doing for family. For my brothers, mom, girlfriends etc. But quickly realized that no one gives back. But i kept providing and expecting the same back. Until this day i provide. My girlfriend who is maybe narcissist like me dont work or do much. I helped woth uer kids etc. Our home environment around the kids is volatile. I blame her and them for our relationship mishaps because my partner always found a way to make me a bad person in front of the kids while she pretended nothing was wrong. Yet tell me i couldn't tell them to do chores or anything. Yet i was paying for and still paying for the entire apartment 13 years later. Anyway, im all over the place. Ive been watching these videos and am very self aware that i have these issues and am not a good person. I just wish i could find a video that can help me instead of bash me and wish me dead. I am alone because people dont like me. That's the worst feeling in the world to be alone in your on misery but it's also a bad feeling being the devil at the same time. No one in my oath is safe if i feel like you've wronged me. I know it comes from my childhood and sometimes i just wish i was dead because i see future self in a nursing home getting beat up every day for karma. I have no kids by the way. Rhanks for your time

Thanks God I'm moving on.

I was already moving on! The self-pitying and woe is me tendencies are the worst.

I think I developed a lot of narcissistic traits and behaviors when I was younger, as a result of the narcissistic abuse I went thru. I feel really terrible, because I see aspects of myself as the narcissist but also aspects of myself as the one who was abused. It was like a light turned on when I realized other people have emotions and feelings the same way I had, and it hurts me to this day to know i was an uncaring friend and partner. I feel like I’m in a awful spot because I feel victimized but more than that I feel bad for acting like a narcissist to those I loved. But then I cycle back to the cause of my narcissistic behavior, and it’s a cycle that can take up my entire day.

I'm moving on the best I can.

Im moving on!