Be kind not nice! Being kind includes treating yourself with respect!

Also being kind is not being weak and unkindness and bullying to look tough is not hiding weakness

Setting boundaries helps!

I will be quoting you in the future.

Kindness does not equal nice. All of the examples she gave are unhealthy. Thus the reason not to do it

The human body male or female is not naturally ethletically pleasing. Pns in movies are taken care of and cleaned girl when realizing they aren't ethletically pleasing go straight to hanging themselves. We know amen aren't ethletically pleasing .but don't ☠️ themselves . On that issue. Maybe we both men women can give advice on how to handle those issues of beauty or feeling like have no purpose.

Hahahaha it was so forward yet much needed. Love Anna

I've been looking into it recently as well.. good push

As a guy I need to point out, Nice Girls are equally crazy compare to Nice Guys. Among guys we call them "Crazy ex girlfriend" and "psycho girlfriend"

You put MY OWN FEELINGS IN ANECDOTES SOMEHOW IN THIS COMMENT. BAFFLED

Yessss!!! Nev

It's important to be assertive at certain time, and it's important to be passive at other times. You have to know when to be assertive and when to be passive. It's not always just black and white all the way. Just like how you have people that you don't have interest in speaking to, but you don't hate them either. They are just acquaintances that you deal with because of social conventions. Sometime in a relationship, it's not always good to be right for that moment just to prove your point of view, because overtime you're damaging the relationship itself. You can be either happy or be right. Depending on the person you're speaking to and the situation you're in, this all varies. If you find someone that actually appreciates and challenge you out of your comfort zone, I think that's a good thing because a healthy relationship is meant for both people to grow together. But if the relationship is toxic, then that's when you have to ask yourself if it's worth it long term or not. And if the answer is no, then you need to get the hell out of there. I think being assertive is good at certain situation, but it's not a good idea to be assertive all the time, because then it makes people very hard to approach you and open up to you about their personal things. You have to adapt and change depending on the situation you're in and who you're speaking to. For example, it's probably not a good idea to headbutt against everyone just to prove your point of view on something, especially if it's in a work environment. What does that really accomplish aside from starting off from wrong side of shoes with multiple coworkers, you know? Sometime, silence can say a lot of things about a person too. Other times, you have to be assertive or people will take advantage of you. Knowing when to speak up and when not to is the key to success. Understand that the difference between humans and animals are not because humans can think for themselves as a higher intellect, but it's the fact that humans have the ability to adapt to their environment and change accordingly. Human evolution has survived and continue to evolve this long because of it. Hence, Survival of the Fittest.

Being assertive and "intimidating" is actually sexy. Passive girl is a burden

As John Green said, "The Venn diagram of guys who think you're too smart for them and guys you don't want to date - is a circle."

Thanks for this! It makes it easier to revisit the main points in the future .. :)

@@tiff8346 thank you for the comment! and that's exactly why i made the list haha :D

oooffff, this hit me hard! thanks for sharing :)

big yes to this... me too honestly

This is a really negative way to look at it... you should not explain somebodys bad behaviour towards you by blaming yourself for being nice

Perhaps, but also someone who loves you truly won't take advantage of you. So it's both.

Please don’t take all the blame for your partner taking advantage of your agreeable nature

Thanks for saying this!

I REALLY APPRECIATE YOU WRITING THIS AND REMINDING ME THERE'S CONTEXT FOR BEING "NICE" THANK YOU 💜

OMG when it come's to women's problems it's always society fault or some kind of past trauma. However, when it comes to men like creeps or simps it's always the mans fault. Never society or whatever past trauma he might have.

@@RiseUpToYourAbility Who said that it wasn't society fault that boys turn into simps/creeps? It literally is a product of society not teaching children about consent, accountability and other stuff. Its okay to want to feel heard. But the way you are trying to get heard by this comment, is not productive and frankly quite rude.

Same! The Anna Akana to therapy pipeline lol

I love how much of an advocate she is for mental health, I’d honestly say some of her videos helped me work on myself outside of therapy.

I also started going to therapy recently. It felt like I was going through a second puberty for a while to be honest but has also been eye opening.

@@j.o.w.4099 Same here, also, I was not sure that I would be able to be frank and honest to an unknown person, because needing to be 'nice' was/is such a habit and it was a surprise that I am open to talk to a therapist about things I avoid.

Better late than never

Thank you for this note.

this this this! but I think this is also what she meant by the therapy bit. I saw this as someone in the trenches of trying to find a viable one. but what you said is so SO true!

My narcissist parents Emotionally abusive parents and relatives Bully ex frnds

very true. growing up with a narcissist sets people up for failure. it basically teaches you that you need to be passive or you don’t deserve love.

Yes, so true. I am an assertive person, but when I'm around narcissists, they become angry when they realize you aren't putting up with their lies and manipulation. Thanks to the pandemic, I realized it actually brought me more peace to be alone. It's like I'm lonely, but it's because I don't like living in my generation. It's like everyone is obsessed with technology and doesn't know how to communicate or treat people with respect anymore.

Wishing you the best!

@@andras.8193 Thank you! I wish you a nice day btw! 😊

I think that we do have to realize the shear amount of social pressures that go into this behavior though…. it may not be being honest but I think calling it manipulative puts so much responsibility on the individual rather than the societal pressures and perceptions that push women to be passive. Anna talks like these pressures don’t exist, but they do…

This hit home lol

Oh I did the same thing!! I was codependent too. I'm in therapy now and watching these videos, I feel attacked, in a good way 😅

I relate to everything you just said! 😭

@@nightkingxx it depends on the girl you talk to lol not all girls are the same

@@nightkingxx there is no general thing that they want. You have to treat people as individuals to connect w/ them.

@@tkygixdo 😞

@@nightkingxx it really depends on the person, it could be emotional needs, like wanting to be understood all the time... but there's so many different things!

There's a part of me thats sweet and warm and loving, and there's a part of me that's cold and and rational and very very sad. That voice is useful, but it I don't like being that person. I don't like the way I feel or the way people see me when that part of me is in control.

@@selainx We are all multifaceted like diamonds. Everyone is a little bit manipulative, everyone has some parts of them that they are hiding. Don't make yourself feel bad for being a multidimensional human being.

Maybe being sweet and caring is just who you are❤️ My bf says thats what he loves about me, and I think we do need more people that are genuinly sweet and kind.. i believe the issue with “nice girls” is not having boundries and confidence to speak up when something is wrong

@@selainx Just wanted to let you know that you're really great and that you're an absolutely beautiful person in every way. Yourself and all the other beautiful people out there are perfect and more than good enough as we are. Xxxx

It’s her fathers invention?

Me too

pls