The best time to leave a narcissist was as soon as you met. The second best time to leave a narcissist is now.

"Nothing changes if nothing changes". (Heavy sigh). Thank you.

Wow - this really hit home for me. I am batting 6 out of 7. I have to make sure I stick to my "staying away" from her. She is indeed, toxic, manipulative, entitled and utterly self absorbed UNTIL she needs something. Great video.

They get worse. They always get worse. If someone had told me this just three months in I would have gotten out four decades ago.

A trauma bond is when you have an insane loyalty to someone who is destroying you. It is totally totally weird and is really difficult to overcome but the essential ingredient is leaving them and staying 100% No Contact. Take my word for it, life is too short to waste it on someone who is causing you severe harm and simply does not care about you in any way shape or form.

The trouble is, most normal souls have not come across narcissistic abuse before… the red flags are gently hoisted, rather than waved in your face… all I can say to anyone who is thinking they are with someone who is showing the tiniest of traits is RUN. Trust your gut. Don’t take any chances. Not one. If this message helps just one person I’m happy. Please please don’t spend 6 years thinking everything will change and then 3 years sorting out your head. X

Its exactly like Lise says. I went from being happy and positive to a complete nervous wreck in less than 2 years, with many physical health symptoms due to what I suspect is stress brought on by the narcissist. Be on your guard with these people.

I've been studying the topic of narcissist personality disorder for 3 years now and since yesterday, when I first saw one of your videos, I immediately subscribed to your channel. Getting educated about narcissism has helped me a lot. Because of my two kids (8 and 10 year-old) I'm still stuck in a relationship that only drains everything I can offer. Your videos are extremely valuable. Keep up the great work. Best wishes, Lise.

Awesome information- I got stuck on trying to diagnose and understand so I could save the relationship. Have learned a lot on the journey and now know we should never have to do anything of that sort. Let them go. Abusers are addicted to the control they feel from committing abuse.

All seven applied to me and I left my partner last year. It has been tough as the behaviour continued even after I left, through texts. I did get counselling help which has been the best investment I have ever made in myself. Each day things are getting better particularly as I now have tools to deal with the situation. Thank you for videos and help 🇬🇧

Yes Lise this is exactly what I dealt with. The trauma bond I had was the hardest thing I ever went through after the breakup. I was filled with anxiety and depression. As I look back I can’t believe this happened to me. It’s very scary to think about it. This type of abuse can destroy a very good person. Thank god for anti-narcissist videos. They saved me. I binged watched them everyday.

I answered yes to most of those questions. My business dropped off, i felt sick, insecure and unwell. Always walking on eggshells, if i make a mistake, choose the wrong hotel, dont buy her a gift or pay her, how will she react. Isolated, lost contact with my friends.

I enjoy ur calm, direct delivery.

I told my ex of 3 days, "If you think we're having make-up sex after you bring drama that upsets me, you're dead wrong." The fact I had to even say that was a missed red flag, over and over. Boy, was I fooled.

I've watched vids on other channels, but Lise nails it. Thank you. Now that I see what has been going on I am angry, but more importantly free. I now see the game in its entirety. It's all suddenly crystal clear.

This is me for the past 13 years.

Lise you rock! All the information you give to all of us is pure GOLD. You are a very balanced person emotionally/spiritually and that shows physically. 10/10

I needed to hear this today ❤ I've been fighting the urge to get in touch with my partner who I've been in a trauma bonded relationship with over 20 years. She has all the characteristics of a dismissive avoidant vulnerable narcissist and the chronic stress put me in therapy after physical mental and emotional illness. The confusion is her total lack of any sense of fault together with her insidious ways of playing victim and creating total confusion over what's going on in her head. I've watched many of your videos Lise and understand fully that it's a toxic connection but it's so hard to give up on someone you've shared a huge chunk of your life with/ had some of your best times with and still hold love and hope for making it work. I walked out a month ago after spending my day plumbing in her new toilet ( we're not married or living together-- her choice! ) and she rewarded my efforts by picking an argument over something trivial. 2 days later I got a weak text apology saying she was tired that day. I didn't reply. 10 days later she sent a pleasant text saying she was alone and doing nothing. I asked if she'd like to meet up as she lives locally and the reply was NO , I want to be alone, I'm never going back. I asked why she bothered sending her apology and said OK let's call it a day but understand I'm not sticking around for when you change your mind or need something from me so DON'T GET IN TOUCH AGAIN. She replied she thought we could stay friends. Then as usual she puts it on me saying contact me if you want to. 3 weeks on with no contact I'm ruminating over her. I know she'll have given her family and friends her usual sob story making me the problem and also I DON'T TRUST HER as far as her having someone else in the background she sees during the frequent no contact times she's created by provoking rows knowing I always walk away and go no contact. She was married 3 times before we met .Her last husband was more of a sugar daddy as I've been told she chatted him up when she was a young single mum traffic warden and he was in his 50s but quite wealthy owning his own business . He passed away age 70 she met me 9 months later. I'm not wealthy!! She just thought I was a nice guy trustworthy and good looking and a bit younger than her as well. I look after myself keep fit go to the gym etc but she's not ageing gracefully although still attractive( when she bothers- which for me is hardly ever) That's part of the reason I don't trust her not scheming a more prosperous old age with her next nice guy !?? Am I paranoid? or wising up to the manipulation and games of a narcissist woman. Her family liked me and she was so reluctant to introduce me knowing her faithful loving husband had only been dead 9 months therefore she's cunningly laid the groundwork by running me down to them saying I walk out on her or shout at her but never telling them what she does to provoke it. She is a true wolf in sheeps clothing . I hope I stay strong and do the right thing. I guess her apology text was testing my response so she could do the reverse discard trick ! God save us from the evil hearted.

Yes to each of your questions. I have become someone no one would want to be around either. I can’t blame them because I’m responsible for how I am. It affect you though.

These are an excellent tips about evaluating my 40+ years of being married… I feel relived my experience and perceptions can be enough - don’t have medical diagnoses. I am in educating myself phase- very helpful. I am stuck at the moment… going one day at the time and learning to recognizing when I am triggered and take care of my pain and lack of safety. Thank you 🙏

Doesn’t matter what you do or what you say . Doesn’t matter how you approach them either sensitively or assertively . They take take take , and only portray to give when they need you to gain from you. A narcissist would say to a blind person why are you complaining , I have to wear spectacles . I think that just about sums it up! Thank you so much for downloading these videos , they are easily interpreted and they are so accurate , it’s actually a release to listen to them … ❤

The clinical analysis in your content is an affirming compliment to the emotional survival instincts that eventually seek the actions necessary for self preservation.

Being reduced to a mere convenience is one of the most dehumanizing things I have ever experienced. TODAY I am locking him out because it is impossible to love myself and him at the same time. I don't want to do it, but i must. I have recently become painfully aware that being with him means betraying myself! He does not compromise - ever. I am done with bending over backwards to try communicating anymore too. Stonewalling, and gaslighing are his go-to's as well. Lucky me. Counselling is out for us - outright. He won't go. . . . EMPATHS- NEVER KEEP BENDING OVER BACKWARDS; it can break YOUR SPINE.

I needed this video, ive been looking for so long

This is really great content, especially in the way you explain it so well..

This is a great video. Thank you!

This is a great video to help evaluate difficult relationships. Thank you for the continued information and education.

I Think I'm Paralysed By Confusion An Cognitive Dissonance And Fear. I'm Not Even Sure Who I'm In Relationship With. Everything Is So Confusing And Shifty Subtle And Sneaky. I Find I Cannot Identify Anyone With Certainty. Everyday There Is different Signs Pointing To different People. I Found Years Ago That Seeking Help Only Led To The Helper Being Enlisted By Someone Who Was Targeting Me And Triangulated Against Me.

Very eye opening describing my current situation. Really like this kind of subject questioning me. That’s good. Didn’t see an improvement after 10 years and brig cheated as a man. Kids and house are the more challenging thing. Not Bering alone is good. Stay strong better days come.

Thank you Lise I needed this

1. Yes 2. Yes 3. Yes 4. Yes 5. Yes 6. Maybe 7. Probably

Nice video. Almost everything that you outline, I have experienced. I appreciate the strategies you give as well. I am often surprised at how the content you present reflects past parts of my life. Where were you in 2014! 😀 Thank you.

I felt caged.

7/7...im broken...he has destroyed me.

Thank you for this video

wow! thank you so much.

Clever. .. they're great manipulated towards someone who is a good person trying to help. Then the mask comes off .............

you have help me very much weith this video to take the decision to leave she ,thankyou lise

Your pointers are dead on target. It's like you were in this relationship with us. Thank you, very helpful indeed.

Dear Michael - I agree with you - The problem is , they are intelligent. And

Kids. When you’ve got kids together, it changes the whole equation

Yes yes yes yes yes. Learning. Thanku. Xx

My covert wife drove me crazy, our relationship turned toxic, and then she divorced me for being a narcissist lmao. So painful all that time wasted.

You got me at number 1. I just made a narcissist so angry because he said I was not obeying him when he was telling me how to do something. I had seen red flags but ignored them. I think his main purpose was to try and make me feel like I was stupid and not following their instructions. I wish I had left earlier.

Another reason is when you reach a certain age and job opportunities dry up. The law in some countries even protect the narcissist, as physical abuse is obvious, but financial, emotional and mental turmoil is harder to prove. The other reason is when your work is tied to your house and you cannot replicate it in a small place / flat, so you could even end up homeless. Third is, we had cats and I was the one paying all the bills whilst the narc had them registered in their name. If you can get out, do so. These people are the very definition of evil.

Thank you

Really astute!

You have to know about narcissism to recognize one...most of us had no idea until in the eye of the storm, thanks to God I found out.

Powerful!😳

I went from being a hardworking, happy Christian Sober Flight Attendant leaving the job I loved , losing my car and drinking and gaining weight - Having to start over after 40 - after being married to one narcissist then dating another one -

It was getting rocky with this friend,. then I got an email full of lies and gas-lighting. That's when I cut them off.

No way you can write down anything: if they find it you will be in serious trouble

Great videos. I have a hard time determining if I’m with a narcissist based on subjective scenarios. It’s sort of like when you read about symptoms of a certain disease and you feel like you might have those symptoms therefore you have the disease, which is almost always not the case. So yeah, I’m confused. Or in denial. Not sure.

Great Content.

Best time, yesterday

HI Lise! Great video series. A lot of people aren't touching the subject. Question: Do you have any videos on dealing with a narcissist younger sibling? I think I am in a relationship with one, but don't want to "Diagnose" it myself since I am not qualified. But it feels that way strongly. Thanks!

1. Yes to all of them. Argh....

#s 1, 2, 3, and 4, yes, yes, yes and yes

Heck yes i was happy before this marriage

This describes my ex..I always felt emotional alone when in the relationship but when not infront of her, I felt at peace and was me. Whenever she was around me, I felt like it was a bad smell and that she was too much with negativity at times. I was in the relationship because I felt guilty and that I was sorry for them. Because they would guilty trip or act like I wouldn't get anyone else better than her. The relationship was not working for me, it was too toxic. I started becoming mean in order to defend myself. I was there cause I was confused and felt paralyzed.

what has been happening to me in the relationship I’ve been in with this lady.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, and 7. 27 years. Trauma-bonded and childhood PTSD, but three wonderful children. 6/7 of these signs. Everyday. Everywhere. Relentlessly. Shamelessly. So confusing. So crazy-making. 27 years. Taken the strength of Hercules to break free. Cost me $$$$ and my children's opinion of me - twisted by my ex. The most unbelievable, mind-bending, and twisted relationship I hope to ever encounter. Never again.

I went to a spiritualist meeting and got a message from my passt covert narcissist ex. She said ' It's unbearably hot here! and it's all your fault!---- typical gaslighting manipulator-- she's alive and kicking her new slave.

Now there is going to be a list of things that cover an immense amount of excuses. From being married to one, including having kids. And all of a sudden, the when it’s time to leave goes out of the window very fast. When all of these things matter, that staying in an Abusive relationship matters more than your personal health, including the health of your children, as you keep making these excuses. Remember that the one whose describing your future. Isn’t going to be far from unhappy seeing your inability to choose to change or part ways from your Abuser as an adult, you leave a child in an abusive relationship has no excuses. The children aren’t interested why it was a good time to make any excuse over an Abusive relationship over their heads as in make more excuses. No financial means, is an excuse. Prepare to leave without doing the obvious notice part. As an adult you have a duty to make your life not a hell, but a part of doing the right thing, loyalty towards any abuse knows no loyalty, so staying loyal towards abuse is making excuses and that only will harm your future. Instead of saying do you feel, as in emotional labour, or emotional reasoning. Ask yourself this question instead, does the relationship work. IF not say goodbye to crazy. Be assertive, be consistent. Peace out.

I so enjoy your videos. I would like to know, as a parent of adult Son & Daughter Of Narrisist. I would like to know when seeking a therapist what are you looking for? What kind of training should we look for?

All the signs

Spit hot fire! 🤣😂

1. yes, 2. yes, 3. YES, 4. Yes, 5. no, follow up no, 6. no we broke up, I was the blame, 7. yes, I have been feeling now as a Codependent. When I broke up I deleted her, her family, and friends from Facebook...... she went "BALLISTIC"

I have a question that I feel is virtually impossible to ask as a male. The second point you made about emotional inconsistency, walking on eggshells not knowing what to expect. It's been my limited experience that menstruation or prior to it can play some role in this and thus should be given some latitude? Not really sure how to phrase it, maybe Grace? It's never been a significant factor in relationships besides the one I suspect was with the narcissist, but I've been told by many women that the variation experience by women in general is all over the map. I'm thankfully making an exit now, but I'm also getting to an age where menopause issues are significant. I don't feel like there's a lot of outlet or resource for me to understand what degree of instability it is merely chemical? Just for the sake of discussion, because it's more static, if your mate was menopausal, and had some strange fears about that, I guess I'm asking how long is it normal for that imbalance to last? I don't really believe in the concept of normal, I suppose I'm asking for a spectrum. In general, most of the channels like yours, that seem more educational or informative, if the therapist is male, I'm often vaguely uncomfortable with the undertone. It's important to me to not become bitter or make assumptions about the gender as a whole. I was raised in a very feminist surroundings, I quite literally was not exposed to the idea of an intentional accidental pregnancy until I encountered it first hand in my twenties. Maybe this is wildly sexist of me, but the women in my life that I've watched go through menopause, it strikes me as a pretty impactful life event and it's often not short. So what does one do if they encounter symptoms that are clearly negative, but they only occur around menstruation or menopause? How much allowance makes sense? I'm able to see some cyclical rhythms in myself that are not completely unalike, I think maybe it's milder and not discussed as much. But I also got the distinct impression every time I shared, it elicited disgust. But there was many years when I only saw this other person during menstruation. I feel like I get a dismissive response from any female I speak to, regardless of phrasing. I suppose that is fair considering the past, but there should be some resource out there. Something for both the genders to be able to get a sense of what is within safe guidelines. I'm not suggesting any kind of discrimination against those with mental hardships, but it feels like something that ought to be disclosed prior to a serious arrangement. I know there's no normal, but clearly there is a list of dangerously abnormal behaviors; maybe this should be presented by a coed board of therapists, non-binary included, to put something like this together? The format of this, where you ask a series of questions and say, if your answer to any of these is it's time to go, I think a great deal of people would benefit from such an authoritative statement. Especially when you describe the typical victim, it sounds like I might not be alone in fighting with my sense of integrity above my day to day observations? Perhaps the PHILs of the world need more direct intervention, they would be fighting with their own sense of self, no?

The problem is we own a business together that I work harder to build...

Lol saving them😂

As soon as their lips move walk away, they are incapable of change

But to leave such a person for sake of my own well being i will have to pay by maybe feeling remorse as she will be hurt, how to put this together?

I was on cloud nine before the stupid narc

Omg these people cant keep others around without trama bonding them

🎉

Maybe she's got a guilty conscience, and blames her victim.

7 for 7.

Kapag sira na ulo katulad ng Isang narcissist, discard him at once katulad no manipulator, nanggugulo.......sour graping tawag diyan. Bakit nga ba nanggugulo SI Narciso?

When they try to put you in jail

I was amazing before all this

An idea to consider … Our suffering obscures our perception of reality. How so? What we aim at determines what we see. What we focus on. What we filter out. In this fashion, our perception is shaped by what we are aiming at. Anything which constrains our aim, constrains our perception. Suffering constrains our aim. As such, suffering constrains our perception. All suffering is an inner conflict between (1) a part which clings to a desire for a particular sensory experience and (2) a part which clings to a desire to see the world the way it actually is. Releasing the former and embracing the latter is the end of all suffering. It is the ONLY way to end suffering in an enduring fashion. But it is not easy to do. Our desire for a particular sensory experience can be an intense addiction. Sense-desire is a false God. It corrupts our sensory motor predictive model of the world which we rely upon to guide our movements in the world. When we cling to a wrong model of the world, we live in a state of perpetual anxiety because we cannot trust our model to accurately predict sensory experience. We may blame others for our anxiety, but this is just the addiction to sense-desire speaking. We may blame ourselves, but this too is just the sense-desire seeking to preserve itself. The blame belongs neither on others nor on ourselves but on the addiction itself. The Buddha said that clinging to sense-desire gives rise to (1) greed, (2) hatred and (3) *confusion*. The greater our ability to free ourselves from these addictions, the greater our ability to end our own suffering and to help others to do the same. All suffering is a choice. What choice? The choice to cling to the sense-desire and resist seeing the world the way it actually is. This choice weakens us in ways that we may not be consciously aware of. For example, predators who desire to control us do so by seeking to exploit the addictions which lead us astray. The most common of these are “the feminine desire for safety via connection” and “the masculine desire for safety via disconnection.” The “feminine desire for safety via connection” seems to be the weakness targeted for trauma bonding. The “masculine desire for safety via disconnection” is less effective for this purpose. First the predator gets us addicted to them. Then they threaten to take away what we have become addicted to. This increases our suffering so that our moral restraints are weakened. Then they tempt us with an offer to end our suffering which exploits our weakness. If we refuse to give in to this temptation, they punish us. If we give in to temptation, they reward us. They repeat this cycle of abuse until we give in. When we give in, then we are their slave. For example, if we were terrorized into pressuring our neighbors to taking the death jab and cheered on when they were punished for their non-compliance, we gave in to the “feminine desire for safety via connection”. Now we will look upon the growing evidence that the death jab is killing innocent people (including children) with absolute horror. How can we admit to ourselves that we are responsible for this? We can’t. So now we have to remain bonded to the lie because the truth would destroy us. Now we are enslaved to Satan. Now we are trapped in hell. Trauma bonded to the narcissists who exploited our weakness. We can blame others and this blame may offer some temporary relief but it will not allow us to escape from hell. Neither should we blame ourselves. All humans have such addictions which trap us in the cycle of suffering. Blaming ourselves not only harms us, it harms all the people whom we would otherwise be able to help if we freed ourselves from the suffering. Both blaming others and blaming ourselves keeps us trapped in a narrative of self-absorption which blinds us to seeing the world the way it actually is. No one can free us from the addictions which trap us in the cycle of suffering. The best they can do is plant the seed and hope that we consider it. Only we can free ourselves. We won’t do this until we reach our pain threshold. Opening our heart fully to the suffering of others enables us to release our addiction to the desired sensory experience and see the world the way it actually is. When the mind is experiencing the bliss of the 4th jhana, this mantra will cut the attachments will give rise to and sustain suffering: “Happiness does not depend upon the satiation of THIS craving for THIS sensory experience”. This anchors the blissful correction to the bad habit so that the habit is much weaker. Eventually the bad habit will disappear entirely. Each time we release such attachments, our suffering is released. Opening our heart fully to the suffering of others enables us to free ourselves from self-absorption in the narrative and see the world the way it actually is. When the mind is experiencing the bliss of the 4th jhana, this mantra will cut the attachment to the unskillful narrative of self-absorption. (anattā) This allows us to entertain other narratives which might more accurately predict sensory experience: “In the seen there is only the seen In the heard there is only the heard In the felt, there is only the felt, In the cognized, there is only the cognized.” By separating feeling from thinking in this fashion, the opportunity to see errors in thinking becomes possible. When these errors are replaced with new hypotheses which seem to more accurately predict sensory experience, the narratives of self-absorption, which trapped us in suffering, can be released. This. Only this. Is the end of suffering.

#1 Yes. For 40 years #2 Yes. For 40 years #3 Yes. For 40 years #4 Yes. For 40 years #5 Yes. For 40 years #6 Yes. For 40 years #7 Yes. For 40 years How fucking sad is this. Thank God I’m waking up.

This relationship doesn't Work for ... YOU ... !!! BUT LOOK Carefully... !!! how nicely this " relationship"- works for a Narcissist ... = $he ●♤●. You are acting just like a BRIDGE for a Narcissist to brdge the Abyss between * beeng free careless " tenager like PERSON ... ... UNTIL ... she can gat back into same mentality : * beeing careless teenager. ...only what makes The difference is YOU dude ... WILL sacrifice 5- 15 years of your hard work arround here - Having few childreen. ... Not mentioning that she will eventualy do - this NASTY reverse polarity FLIP + ... she will stop YOUR children from becoming psychological Adults - but KEEP THEM staying on her side of the River of mental imaturity. So... sooner you dissapear from that hopeless scenario The better for you.