I've been out of it for over 2 years. I second guessed myself a lot. This video confirms it though I'm better off out of it. It really was horrible. I'm working on myself strengthening my boundaries. I can't do that again. It's way better to be alone then it is to lose yourself in a toxic relationship.

If a friend said to you, "My partner is amazing but treats me like absolute shit one day a week" you would tell that person to leave their partner. It doesn't matter what mental illnesses or personality disorders they have. It's not ok. Get out.

This is literally my current significant other..... every single tick... we just had a good weekend and then today we were on the phone i brought up something that upset me and instantly she went for my throat over it i simply address something i was upset about. I noticed early on my father who has been a narc my entire life and her vibed well. They always together made jokes at my expense or ganged up on me and belittled me. She always played this off as not wanting to stick up for me and hurt the relationship as she put it we both cant be on the outs. I then watched her have a meltdown at a wedding i was the grooms man at because i wasnt spending time with her, yet i had all my responsibilities of being in the wedding. She made it a point to tell my entire family i wasnt doing well mental health wise. This got back to me much later.. she has EVERYONE played no one sees the sides i see. She told me before to tell people because im the crazy one who will believe me. Now for a couple months we have reached a stage where she is periodically and randomly freaking out mock ending the relationship when i speak up she comes back. It seems like whenever i feel good and start to consolidate control of any kind she has to take it. Something as small as a comment about an instagram post threw her into a tyriad. Every single time i try to communicate and rationally work through the issues in the relationship she ignores or avoids it. I asked her to stop mocking and belittling me yet she always floats back to harsh and self demeaning comments. The one day she attempted passive aggressive comments on 4 different topics in 20 mins until she hit the button. Then she said i was a lunactic and making it all up and this is why are relationship sucks. Im broke, out of shape, depressed.. the discard is coming accept w her its about not guys but a career..shes obsessed with " finding herself". Shes positioned herself with me a position of utter power she determines if i eat because my money pays my bills , my father also refuses despite living with me to even share a meal with me. The situation is shit and they both sent me to " get help" meanwhile they are ones who have manipulated and pressured me. The love bomb phase was about 1 year with issues in the back half of that year. By the 2nd year the situation got worse the belittling, mocking, manipualtion game started. By year 3 she is actively sorta trying to dump me but its a tactic because its the one thing she can trigger me on. Between year 2-3 lying kicked up. This was justified by saying it was for my own good so i didnt get upset. I tried to speak to people but they sided with her because she said i gave her no choice because i would get so upset ,this is partially true but not one of those topics did she attempt to speak with me 1st.. her mother i believe is the narc that made her. That was another disasterous situation. She has EVERYONE believing her story her friends and her family, my family and even a few of my friends. She does this by going above and over for others..this wins her favors. People are stupid they all think because she does a few nice things for them shes amazing. She does it all for supply, attention and because it benefits her game. I cant believe this is the life i live and i let this happen. Im so stuck and in truth afraid. If your reading this and you notice things i said happening please leave / she killed me with support and being my " caretaker " or whatever. It was all about making me look bad.. also - whenever i was depressed and having a really low day she wasnt even around she would find and excuse to ignore me or she would literally call and scream at me. Her and my father spent 3 years convincing me i was the issue and the problem 100% insane!

I don’t think a person who hasn’t experienced the toxic dynamic of living with a narcissist (or working with one) can understand the kind of insidious abuse that it involves. Not even reading the comments.

The #1 indication that you are married to a narcissist is their ability to play the silent treatment game for months at a time and hold back information, intimacy and communication so you don't know what's going on with the family or kids, unless you have another source of information. This usually accompanied by being forced into celibacy.....within the marriage.

We all have to remember the diagnosis is irrelevant. You can tell if you're being abused. Life's just too short to put up with that. Get out and be happy man!

The worst part is them constantly accusing YOU of being abusive. I've spent nearly 5 years trying to "fix my wrongs," have a 3 year old child involved, and was discarded on Christmas day this past year. It sucks guys. The constant, every single minute of the day doubting yourself and wishing you could do things differently, when deep down you don't think it would change a single thing.

Wanted to take a second and say Thank You Lise, I am 53 yrs old male and have been married for 26 years. I am sitting at my desk fighting back tears (have been for weeks actually) I had no idea what covert narcissism was until about 3 weeks ago. My jaw has been in my lap every since! Video afrer video describing the life I've been living! I have since done the full blown KZfaq search "tour" on the subject, just like you have desrcibed so many of us doing. I had moved out of our home about a month ago and stumbled on to the first video shortly afrer that. Funny thing is, I was searching for self help material on communication skills when I found the first Covert Narcissism Video. I had become convinced it was poor communication skills that had been causing all our problems. HA! That had to be it, it only makes sence I would think that after all the years of unknowingly being gas-lighted!! All our conversations turn into confussing unpredicable messes and ending with me pulling my hair out! And yes I do constantly feel like I'm walking on eggshells every day of my life, it's exhausting!! I have been struggling to decide if I should end our marriage for weeks now. As I've been educating myself on the subject I have begun to realized just how difficult it will be to leave her.(So so hard) I have been experiencing withdrawl symptoms in the form or panic attacks, general depression, anxieity, random bouts of anger, uncontrolable crying and a feeling of profound loneliness! Also the thought of my wife in horrible debilitating pain drives me back to her in my head every time. I actully loved her (as best I understand that emotion). Thank you for enlightening me that its not Love being reciprocated and Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! for these videos. Especially this last one. They seem to be my ONLY DEFENCE against the "trap" for now. Continuously, reminding me 1. I'm not crazy 2. Yes, she really is a Covert Narcissist (so surreal)(stunned disbelief). 3. She been this way for 26 years she is NOT going to change! I've decided not to go back, please pray for my resolve! Post Script: You are very good at what you do, please don't ever stop your making a difference!! Thank you again!

Get the hell out once you know! But don't tell. The female covert narcissist is the worst. I made excuses and believed it was hormones, or stress or other things. But this is a severe personality disorder and you are dealing with somebody who is extremely manipulative and good at acting but in reality has no empathy and no conscience. This is pure evil!

Your senses will deceive you but the heart never lies. Listen to your heart. One sided relationships are not relationships.

Saw all seven in my last relationship. I can’t remember a good time that wasn’t surrounded by a rage fit, silent treatment, projection campaign, or a ghosting event.

Yes, friends warning me, business dropping off, self confidence gone, silent treatment, being controlled, hot and cold behaviour, triangulation, isolation, constant requests for money, gifts. Was hoovered back in several times. Each time the same cycle restarted. Since we broke up, business is improving again and self confidence slowly coming back. But when she was nice, she was really nice.

I fell for a narcissist once. Thankfully I studied NLP, hypnosis and body language. I could see when she was lying and in her "crazy" mode. It lasted 3 months and was the craziest roller-coaster relationship I have ever had. The final straw was when she lied about where she had been one evening, the eyes always give a person away. I called her out and then full-crazy came out. I became very calm and watched her try and keep me from walking out. 1st with yelling, then crying, then trying to get intaimate with me. I just stared, un fazed, grabbed my few things and walked out. Turned out she was juggling a bunch of relationships while I was staying at her house. I sleuthed the guy she was with the evening I walked out, called him and he was shocked; to say the least. A few minutes later the crazy girl called me and said, "Do you know what you just did!? You ruined my life!" I felt quite proud.

The first time you caused them to feel shame (which can be anytime and entirely unintentional) is probably when the devaluing starts. Always pay attention to what they do and not what they say.

"Like a drug, you get addicted to the very thing that is slowly and systematically killing you." So well said, and so true. Staying in a relationship like this is an actual ADDICTION as damaging to our heart, mind and soul as heroin, meth, cocaine, alcohol, gambling, etc.

Narcissism is on a spectrum just like autism. On one side are people that are just a little annoying and usually do have empathy, and on the other side are the ones that have 0 empathy and purposely manipulate us and enjoy it. I imagine that most narcissists are in the middle somewhere. Personally I saw some pieces of it with my wife. I dismissed it because she had been a victim of narcissistic abuse and thought she could never be an abuser. She also had empathy sometimes (but can also turn it off like a switch).

Great Information!! Thank you!! How can you tell...? 9 Clues: 1) You are researching to see if the person is a narcissist or toxic. Your intuition is telling you something is wrong. If you think something is wrong, then it probably is... 2) You justify and excuse things that you know are not okay. Consult with an objective third party. 3) When you try to talk about your concerns, they will love and sex bomb you to avoid the discussion OR they will gaslight, deflect or intimidate you. You don't feel safe bringing up any complaint 4) You feel exhilarated and exhausted at the same time 5) You feel manipulated, lied to, deceived and controlled- as time goes on you should start keeping track 6) Your boundaries are not being respected- you feel you need even more boundaries. Lines are getting pushed back 7) No guilt or remorse or regret. Not focused on how it hurts you- more focused on how it hurts them 8) The relationship brings out the worst in you. Behaving in ways that are uncharacteristic of you. Feel like you are going downhill. The good comes with a huge dose of poison 9)The cycle will go on forever. You can't change them. Cycle continues to repeat itself. It is a cycle of abuse: A) LOVE BOMBING- Make you believe they are your soulmate, missing piece in our life B)DEVALUATION- confusing you, mask comes off, Cognitive DIssonance and Trauma Bonding to make you feel dependent. Schedule of intermittent reinforcement and punishment to confuse, control and manipulate C)EXPLOITATION- Drain you in every way D)DISCARD- wash their hands, find someone else and repeat the cycle.

Ask them to do something for you. Something small. Something you would do for them with no hesitation. If they are narcissistic or otherwise toxic, it will ALWAYS go at least 1 of 4 ways (though sometimes these reactions may compound): 1. They will act as though they didn’t hear you Depending on how long you’ve been in the relationship, you may ask again. If it’s been long enough, you’re likely to drop the request right then and there. 2. They will promise to do it, but never follow through If you ask again or remind them, they will usually have some kind of excuse. In these cases, they will still never actually fulfill their promise. Their excuse is not a reason for lagging, it is the reason they should be absolved from all expectation whatsoever. Often this excuse will be meaningless or an outright lie. If you don’t buy their excuse, and tell them so, you will experience the wonderful segue into reaction 3: 3. An argument will ensue The argument will be your fault. It could be a small back and forth contending against your request, or it might quickly devolve into them screaming at you. You never know which it will be. They might even say outright that you should never ask or expect anything from them. Usually they will express that you are asking too much, hurting them in some way (financially, emotionally, insulting them, etc), or attack your character. The argument will only end when you relinquish your request + apologize, or start ignoring them completely. If you can ignore them long enough, they may apologize to you. However, the conflict will never feel truly resolved. At this juncture they may actually end up giving you what you asked for. Often this does require you admitting that you don’t really need it, or that you would be fine with what they suggested instead. This leads us to reaction 4: 4. They give you what you asked for, BUT There is ALWAYS a catch. It might be small. They show up late with no apology. They buy you what you wanted, but it’s the wrong color, model, brand, etc. They take you where you wanted to go, but pressure you the whole time you’re getting ready because you’re going to be sooo late. Then they want to leave early anyway. It might be worse. They do it out of anger, and make a big display out of it to scare/hurt you. They hold it over your head until you do something for them first. Or, later on, they use it against you. “I did x for you, so you should do y for me.” No matter what, you never actually feel fulfilled, happy, or loved when they do something for you. Somehow, even from the getgo, there was this deep-seated feeling of guilt and fear, this sense that the “special” things they were doing for you weren’t so special at all. Eventually, you become afraid to ask for anything. You’ve been conditioned to believe you deserve nothing. Ironically, or not, the less demands you make, the worse you will be treated. Moreover, Catching a cheating spouse might be difficult, and knowing what local laws say you can and cannot do might be even more difficult. To simplify the process, consider hiring a private investigator to do the sleuthing for you I genuinely appreciate how incredible you are and your work! Thank you for a job well done *Metaspyhub@gmail. com* ,,

Wow, this video helps so much. I was widowed in 2019 and a year later I decided to open up and in she swooped. Grief does wierd things to you. All you want is your best friend back and I thought I'd found it. It's been almost as bad of an experience as losing my wife to cancer. Finally she's out and you described her perfectly. I didn't know about narcissism at the time. Even now, she's trying to hoover me back in and even buying property nearby in order to convince the world that she wants to make it work. I've gone no contact and I'm sticking with it no matter what! My boundaries won't be crossed again. The thought of living alone for the rest of my life is like a ray of sunshine rather than go back to that poison roller coaster. "I can see clearly now the rain is gone" 🎶 Thank you for this video. It sums up the madness quite nicely.

Been out 5 years and yes it was the most painful experience of my life post discard. The only way to get over it, is to go through it! Trust me, there’s a better life at the end of the tunnel.😊

Yup. Experienced this. Things began to break down on her side when I started calling her out on it. A great day…then precisely at the end would 100% of the time enact this manufactured fight. It got boring. I did not know it was an “actual problem” til now after the fact. But i would call her out: “Wow! That was a great and fun day! So, it’s time for you to start a petty fight to cause distance and kill the intimacy created all day!” “Doing anything Sunday? or you gonna deny your having plans but have tentative plans but you’ll “let me know” so you can string me along til its too late to meet when you THEN announce you are ALREADY out with your friends - BUT repeat to me that you had no plans?” “Oh so you wanna meet up on wednesday so i can drive you around 50 miles for free and all will go well and fun BUT THEN right at the end you pick a fight either over something stupid OR literally over nothing at all? Sounds like a fun night TO ME! How about….no.” (There were long trips she wanted me to drive for but every time i made her pay for more than 50% of the gas since i was also driving. More recently she tried to ‘sneak in’ more freebies which i declined - knowing her routine and specifically how she would predictably absolutely ruin the evening. And to be clear: this was not a friendzone situation. We dated and were intimate but something was clearly “amiss” in her attitude. At the time i just had no idea what was behind it all. It seems with these videos i do now) The smalls asks led to BIG ridiculous asks and that was when I drew the line; they were ridiculous on their face and FELT as if she was asking these things just to see if i would say yes. I never did to those big things. But…it was only when i started calling her out loudly and overtly on her PATTERNS of doing these behaviours that she invented a fake argument, broke things off and ghosted me.

"EXPECT them to be the perfect poison!"! That's pure genius.

my ex-narc would literally take off her clothes to stop an argument/discussion in its tracks. she said it was a trick to know whether something was worth arguing about, but really it was just a way to avoid accountability.

I was too weak and confused to leave. I was lucky she ended the marriage and set me free. Still amazes me how I let it happen. I thought I was being strong and put up with her abuse fir the kids and to offer some protection to them. Little did I know she was turning them against me behind my back. Anyway I'm free and I am a lucky one, I would be dead I feel otherwise. My only regret is now my kids are living that nightmare and I cant help them.

Thank you for making this vid. Sadly, there isnt anyone left to ask as an outside opinion. She has forced me to distance myself from my family and i have no friends other than "her friends"

I also LOVE how you point out a tough truth: You are drugged by the narcissist and should NOT discredit what friends and family who you know you can trust pointing out the narcissist's bad behavior and expressing their concern. If someone has known you for a long time, and has done right by you... why would they want to hurt you by ruining your relationship? They wouldn't.

I've been through 2 relationships that were so toxic from a narcissistic woman. I had no idea back then what a narcissist was. She was a textbook narcissist. The beginning was on FIRE. She was beautiful and would do ANYTHING in bed. She loved my photography and listened to my problems from the past. Things about my depression and why I had it and things that happened when I was young. She also freely told me things about herself. When the abuse started it started slow. The first thing was when we were making the bed. I was doing it wrong and she just suddenly snapped at me and called me an idiot, but laughed about it right after like she was joking, but it hurt. She began to make me feel like I wasn't good enough at ANYTHING. I didn't have a good enough job, so, she said I needed to go back to school or something. So, I went and enrolled in a Technical college. She told me that Technical schools are schools for stupid people that can't get into a University. She went to a University. She would push me away then right when it seemed like I may leave she would pull me back in by starting over with great sex and constant compliments. That felt great and I would be reeled right in. That would last for a few months and it would just seem like everything was great again. Then, it would start all over again with the small insults building into vicious personal insults. At the end of this back and forth she completely discarded me which was such a blessing. I got drunk one night and called her at her parents cussing her out and her family. It was so embarrassing, but what it did was sealed the deal. She tried to hoover me 10 YEARS LATER!!

I must keep away from her.... No matter how sad I am... I need the strength

7:05 - "It can look like guilt but it's not. It's shame."

WOW! This video is SO powerful. The brutal truth delivered with elegance and precision. So many people would benefit from hearing this.

You literally get it. I can't believe it.

I love that you describe the discard as a gift. So many narc abuse support videos discuss the discard in terms of how to avoid it, how to cope, sometimes even offer suggestions on how to get them to come back, but the discard is really the only kind thing a narcissist will ever do for you. Getting discarded is like a wrongfully convicted prisoner finally getting released. Embrace the discard!

I’m trying to put into words exactly why I appreciate these videos by Lise so much and why I hope that more people discover them and benefit from them. When we have been lured into a trap and preyed upon by a predator, I think it's 100% natural for the mind to obsess over understanding how that happened so that we never allow it to happen again.I think we are all here for that reason. Without these videos, It took me many years to correctly identify what exactly was going on. Here’s what my path to truth looked like: The cluster B DSM categories were frustratingly fuzzy in both traits and certainty of root cause. As such, I found them to be mostly useless. For a while, I thought it might have been psychopathy. This seemed to match the absence of conscience which I had observed. It also seemed to match the heritable nature of the phenomenon which I had observed. (Her mother's side of the family had the trait. Her father’s family was completely normal.) It also had a well identified cause (in brain physiology). However, the more I researched psychopathy, the more I realized that psychopaths have weak pain signals and were fearless. That did not match the vulnerability that I had observed. So psychopathy was NOT a match. For a while I thought it might be Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) The DSM criteria were a match. However, I observed that Marsha Linehan, who was a Borderline, was also a very good person who was strongly driven to help others. This did not match the total absence of a conscience which I had observed. So BPD was NOT a match. NPD seemed to be a match for the observed trait of no affective empathy. However, it seemed to have been defined in a fashion such that it only applied to non-vulnerable status seeking men. It wasn’t until I discovered that 1: vulnerable narcissists exist and 2: all narcissists share a hereditary brain anomaly which prevents them from experiencing affective empathy that I was confident that I had found an accurate explanation for the phenomenon I had observed and sought to make sense of. This explanation was a perfect match for what I had actually observed. It took years for me to figure this out. Even after I figured it out, I was still frustrated by the imprecise way that literally everyone was using the term “narcissism”. Some people just used it to bitch about boyfriends who had left them. There seems to be a huge market for this sort of thing. But this embrace of bias is imprecise and misleading. Some people, like Les Carter, miss the target due to bias for the coping mechanism of connection over aversion. This leads to false positives for disagreeable types and false negatives for agreeable ones. This particular bias is so widespread that it seems to be responsible for the phenomenon of predators using “wokism” to camouflage themselves. This illustrates how dangerous it can be to be carelessly imprecise in the construction of sensory motor predictive models. I believe that many/most therapists share this bias for the coping mechanism of connection. For this reason they are less able to offer good guidance. Worse, all of psychiatry thinks that mental illness is a chemical imbalance to be treated with drugs rather than the natural reaction of a prey animal to being preyed upon by a predator. Finally, some people who make videos about narcissism seem to be still suffering intensely themselves. So, despite good intentions, they lack the ability to help others and inadvertently do more harm than good. In all my years of searching, Lise is the ONLY person I have found who is (1) dedicated to understanding the phenomenon precisely (2) telling people the uncomfortable truth (even though comforting lies are more popular) (3) has genuinely conquered her suffering and therefore has something of great value to offer. For these reasons, I hope that more people can find and benefit from this wisdom.

They will never change and it always gets worse as they age. Get out as soon as you can. Much love and light to you❤️

Confused and Uncertain! That was what I felt like.

I've watched countless videos about whether or not she's a narcissist, hoping that one of them... JUST ONE... will give me hope she isn't. She is. And it crushes my soul :(

It takes major strength and courage to break it off and never go back. As for me it was so addictive that it took a parent death to wake me up and quit it.

Your videos are so underrated! They are gems for those who deal with narcissists! I'm watching them over and over again and learn more an more how to deal with such people.

Everything you've said, it's so true. No matter how great the sex is - it's not worth losing your own identity and inner long term happiness x

This is the best! Simple and effective. And a great contrast between a normal relationship.

Yes on the money, time, and then I was useless...so funny. It is just so ridiculous. More thank you...

I don't know why these videos came up but I'm glad they did.. I was wondering what's going on with my current relationship. It was amazing in the beginning and now just months later it's different. I feel like I've done something wrong but I know I haven't. I didn't really know what she was doing or what to call it. After watching a few of these videos it makes a lot more sense. Getting mad at me for no reason or over something very small then saying all these things that hurt me.. not long after coming back and saying either she didn't mean it she just said those things because she was mad or she was just joking. Now it's happening more often and as hard as it is to let go I know I have to

Keep making these videos. Its insane how many of my close friends have been destroyed by narcissists.

This is so true, they take, take, take until you have nothing left, then discard.

i am madly in love with your hair . A narcissists i met was the worstperson i have ever met in my life the hate and nastiness she possesed was like none other I ever experienced . How can they ever be happy just devalueing people , person after person such hate coming from one person .

So true! Great video ! Run! Yes, relationship turns you into that person you don’t like. Don’t stay… twenty some years later - so bad, no better. Forever like Lise says

This is so true , I was in denial for so long think I’ve finally accepted it for what it is .

it's incredible how you have described my ex's behaviour exactly. I could write a book on what she did and said over the two years I was with her. From the love bombing, getting me to make promises and all the rest. All I can say is I'm glad it's over now. But the funny thing is, I really don't think she knew what she was doing, and yes I do feel sorry for the next person she meets. When I met her, it took a while but she finally told me she was still in contact with her ex because he was like a father to her daughter, he had given her over 300k and had mortgaged his house twice to give her money. As I said, I could write a book on it, and once again, I'm so glad it's all over now, I finally got away and never going back.

Wow-you are SPOT ON! Bam. It is what it is and it doesn’t change only gets worse. Get out while the getting is good. If you are called crazy, that’s OK! Who cares if crazy calls you crazy! Love does not tear down, devalue, does not ignore concerns etc. look up the definition of Love: do it, it’s worth the look!

She got angry over everything when she had all the right things. Great job and good health. She had an alcoholic family she told me . Took care of herself since 10.. She smacked my face and spat on me 4 months into the relationship. Bc I wouldn't apologize for being insensitive or "making fun of her sczhophrenic sister". Which i would never do that to my lover. It was while she came along to help me move furniture for my hostel business. I thought she was so amazing for volunteering. And I was only trying to be strong for her and reason with her over her family. She basically said she wants no input from me and just wants to vent . I never raised my voice to her. Always calm and compassionate. I saw it coming tho. I saw it.. and unfortunately most women I've dated who are feminist or independent or have family issues always become verbally aggressive towards me . I feel defeated. 38 and lonely and healing from a year and half of break ups and sex and control. She didn't make me spend money like most girls. Why I loved her so much. And she was vegan chef.. but she would get so angry at me messing up any cooked meal. No patience

Thank you, Lisa. Whenever I hear your words, I feel like someone helped catch me just before I tripped over something. It helps in grounding me. With all sincerity, thank you 🧡🙏🏼

Really wish I knew about keeping a calendar of abuse/manipulation earlier on. Eventually got to the point where I felt I needed to keep a journal of our interactions because I was being gaslit so hard. That's when I knew beyond doubt something was very wrong.

at the end of the day people like you and I get walked on and abused, I just want to be the person I am, I want to be kind to others and NOT be treated badly or abused for it.....I have found that doing the simplest kind act for others makes me feel good about myself, there really is nothing that feels better than being nice to others....and yet there are endless people who are evil, manipulative and abusive why cant people just be nice?

These people like to leave their stamp on you. Trauma bonding is their forte, especially in the bedroom.

I am not sure if she is the narcissist or if I am, or if we both are... she discarded me last year and claimed it was because I was a narcissist. This last year has been almost enjoyable - I have had far less stress to deal with. I started researching narcissist after her accusations and I can see myself a bit in some of it but feel like I see her a lot more. She had an abusive childhood - likely the worst imaginable, although at this point I'm not even sure how much to believe. I believe it is real, its just that she vividly believes or invents alternate realities. It gets a bit confusing to follow. She also told people that I was abusive, and when I confronted her on it she responded that I was "emotionally abusive." I told her that she needs to clarify that with people. I feel like she was trying to discredit me socially but it didn't go anywhere. She also accused me -and is continuing to accuse me of infidelity which never occurred. I was approached by multiple women, both of whom I have been courteous to, but in no way interested. I have been living on my own for a year and some women see that as an opportunity. I'm in my 40s and these women are single mothers in their 30s. I am quite content for the bit of peace that I have been given.

I want an example of a boundary situation where the person is being passive aggressive. Being called names is such an easy line to draw. Passive aggressive situations can be so gray and so hard to vocalise what line is actually being crossed.

Thank you for this video. I’m in the process of leaving a very toxic four year relationship and I’m a mess really. By the time you reach the absolute end it’s so hard to find the strength to make it out, and the narcissist won’t make it easy. They will show up unexpectedly, poison the people in your circle of friends and family, and tell anyone who will listen what kind of trash you are. But if you can hang on, don’t respond and keep your head down, eventually they will get bored of you. As was mentioned in your video, we should all be so lucky. Thank you for the clarity

I found to wake up to narcissism is the first step yet not easy when its gone on for so long you make excuses.

Oncore! Very good summation of the narc and a stable person entangled. When the entanglement begins, you never see the doom coming.

"The relationship brings out the worst in you" it is slowly killing you (me) There is always some hidden cost to me...she is the victim and I am to blame.

Thank you Lise 😊 💗 ...

This really helps bring the big picture into focus. Especially when we are being blamed for the other's behavior, and even told we are doing exactly what we see being done to us, we question ourselves. This helps me put both the narcissist's behavior and mine in perspective. So clear and well-articulated. A million thanks!

I totally agree. I been with Lorraine for 8 years to the day I see her masks drop. She set up the close friends accusing the husband to have a affair unbelievable. She invited them up for dinner them She lashout about accusing him. Lorraine is a person with has been damaged by the parents, I observed that at some point I descouver the family's a cult of narcissist. Really dangerous people they work such as hunters. The sisters all of them been divorced and remarried with reach people but they don't love them USING THEM. Please leasing what she say I been there They are masters of manipulations set strong boundaries . walk away from them. Never come back. Protect your life.

This was an excellent synopsis! Really good guidance.

They are in distress but it is all about them. Damn I wish I heard this a long time ago. I forgave again and again under the guise the distressed but I love you without so much have an apology ever. I also wish I knew about all the lies and slander being slung behind your back, even to your own family, lining up everybody for the day when it all blew up to cover their own shameful behaviors. Abandoning her own child with me (I’m stepdad) and remarrying in months. I’m lucky there are some that saw through all of this. They saw behind the mask but never spoke up in 13 years. Amazing how many people do not see it or don’t want to put any time into seeing it and just love the covert narc and the victim story. But then again my ex was diagnosed borderline personality disorder twice but the end result was she left the state to get diagnosed PTSD as she was remarrying and leaving her son behind with me the bad guy. And then her son claims a couple years later that his mom molested him. I wish there was a way to protect people from the destructive cluster B who have no problem lying to therapist or anybody else that might be able to help them. Some do not want help and they just continue destroying people even their own children

Thank you thank you!! You have no idea how much your videos are helping me navigate through this toxic relationship I'm in. I'm trying hard to get out from underneath.

Thanks again Lise. Really great and concise. Take care and I appreciate your massive efforts.

Essential information for everyone. Great work. Thank you xo

Awesome vid! You hit home with a lot of the basics that people overlook but new subscriber...love the channel

Lise, you have an amazing ability to take a very complex and perplexing subject and present it in a way that is very clear and easy to follow. The way you in which you explain the stages of a narcissistic relationship is easy to understand and is dead on accurate! Thank you so much for taking your time to put this together. You are helping thousands! I pray God blesses you abundantly in this quest!

Excellent, EXCELLENT video. I'm going to save this one and play it over and over again. 🗝

You by far give the most clear and accurate descriptions of anyone on YT about the thinking processes that motivate narcissists and the head games narcissists play to manipulate everyone around them. Thank you!

Just another fantastic video, straightforward, easy to understand yet very professional. Great content, thank you very much!

She's super concise & to the point, WOW

Thank you for this video. I was in a relationship with a NPD/BPD for 10 years and left. I recently started a new one in a similar cycle. Once the toxicity came to the surface, I ended the relationship. I don't regret it one bit now.

Again, completely accurate. This channel has helped me a lot from this girl that absolutely broke my heart last year. Everything you're saying is exactly what happened to me. You've helped me so much in the healing process.

Grateful for your videos Lise Leblanc! Thank U!

Excellent delivery, accurate and concise, brilliant clarity, thank you..👏👍👏

You are so very good in relaying the information pertaining to narcissistic abuse and recovery. There is a passion to your communication, which could perhaps come via personal experience (of being a victim of narc abuse). Thank you for sharing. 🤗

Great practical video, without explanatory psychological profiles. Practical and to the point!

I have watched a lot of videos on this topic from people such as Dr. Ramani (who is also very good). This video is probably one of the best I have had the pleasure to watch. It is simple, clear and to the point. It reach people guts which to me is my true-self.

I've shut myself down emotionally when in her company so she can't use me as narcissistic supply anymore. She is completely distraught and depressed and dug herself in her personal business, since she knows she can't use me anymore. Meanwhile I've been spending hundreds of hours during evenings on my computer researching narcissistic abuse on KZfaq for the past few years. Just to make sure filing for divorce is the right thing to do for me... :( It is so mentally draining.

I so appreciate your videos. You have a way of communicating a reality check in a calm, realistic and loving way. It hurts me deeply to let her go but I know I have to. God bless you.

You describe the coverts so perfectly. Better than anyone else on KZfaq.

fantastic video, thanks for making it 🙂

Thank you for this video. It furthered my understanding and validated my experiences.

Awesome video thank you!!

Classic, all the boxes got ticked for me. I’m out. So sad.

The weaker you get, the stronger they get. They suck your energy then they discard you when you can’t reflect back a good image.

Thanks for knocking me out of self blame and thinking I lost the best person ever. This brought back so many memories and red lights I ran and the "citation" has been hugely expensive in terms of time, energy, opportunity cost, and physical and emotional health ...

Thank you so much Lise! Several of your comments resonated so completely with my experience in a 4+ year marriage...I have used those very words in trying to express what I have been experiencing! Love bombing, gas-lighting, so much projecting her behavior onto me. I need to trust my intuition and instincts...we are separated but she is doing her best to draw me back...being on her best behavior. Now I know why she is avoiding arranging marriage counseling like I asked...her behavior will be revealed for what it truly is. Very sad 😢

Thank you Lise. Thank God for your videos.

This is so spot on I get goosebumps over and over... IMHO it's the best explanation how a person feels and lives in a toxic relationship... it literally makes my guts churn just like it did in the relationship...good one to go back to whenever I feel melancholy...thanks Lise.

This is amazing information, things I've been journaling and found so difficult to articulate.

Thank you! This is really helpful! 🙏💔

Insightful and bright, thanks.

I don't think my soon to be ex wife would be diagnosed with NPB not extreme enough. Also, she doesn't seek attention through drama, as a matter of fact; she's very conflict avoidant and doesn't brag. On the flip side; complete lack of empathy and compassion, always in victim mode until you hold her accountable or catch her doing something wrong (then she attacks), always wears a mask and is super helpful to anyone and friendly....gives off a very innocent sweet vibe (for the exchange of being validated or getting favors), superficial attachment (at some point years ago on a very rare vulnerable moment she even admitted she wasn't sure if she could actually love someone, which is definitely my experience with her), very little to often no self reflection, distorted sense of reality and history, always needing to cover up anything that could make her feel ashamed. I often feel compassion towards her, my biggest trap is falling in the saviour complex though. I want to stop doing that and I want to detach emotionally from her to make some of the pain stop. Still need to raise our kids together.....

Thanks so much for your help. I didn't know what a narcissists was until I watched your videos. Thanks again.

I used to call them 'pity parties.' If, by pushing him, by not allowing the gaslighting, the deflection, the stonewalling, but instead insisting we address some denial [and it didn't matter WHAT he could not be wrong about, from forgetting to clean the milk frother on the coffee maker to fathering an illegitimate child] he would have a narcissitic collapse where he would rage, rage against himself, cry, scream, etc. Even though it shocked and frightened me in the early days - I just wanted him to stick the milk frother in a little water when he was done wiht the machine, after all - I mistook this emotion for understanding and growth Took me years to see that this was still all about HIM. My hurt never got addressed. And he'd wait for me to be low to get his 'revenge.'

Wow you are one of the best thank you 🙏