1:51 "If you are in a relationship with a female covert narcissist there is no happy ending." I beg to differ. Getting rid of her is a happy ending!

Men - this is gold! We’re taught girls are sugar and spice and everything nice, so to think that a psychological abuser can be packaged like a pretty girl defies our logic. You’re not gonna get this info in couples therapy. That will just be used as another vehicle to make you think you’re the problem. It took me 60 years and KZfaq channels like to this understand it. Hopefully this kind of content will save young men from the same fate.

Dear god this is eerily accurate. I paid her bills, I accepted her kids, I accepted her horrific past. None of it was enough.

Both my parents are narcissists. Took me 28 years to stand up for myself. Run.

My rule of thumb in relationships is that if you don't feel good about yourself in the relationship or if the person doesn't make you feel good about yourself then you need to step out. That's really the make or break test.

12 years in. It NEVER gets better. Can’t escape because of kids. It’s a sad existence. Run if you still can RUN !!!!!!

I’m six years divorced from a female narcissist. The break-up was hard but after a few months I found I was happy again. I now live a much happier life free from guilt. I’ve traveled the world, remodeled my house and enjoy my life without her. Thank you for this. It was reassuring.

This happened to me four years ago. I found out that she was seeing many men. She was in control. I actually moved to a smaller town and jumped off FB and changed my phone number. It worked, and I have peace of mind. I learned allot😊

The “abusive ex-boyfriend” who “also did that” is a frequent and effective tactic of hers.

When you're IN this kind of relationship, you feel like "this is just the way things are." Then someday when you're with a mentally healthy partner, you can see how wrong and abusive it all was.

Manipulation. Love bombing will always be the first indicator. A covert narcissist is tricky to spot without knowing the signs. They can be kind, they can be sincere and they will be charming but, it’s a tactic to lure you in. This is why it’s always good to be guarded at the beginning and to keep healthy boundaries. You don’t have be on high alert all the time, but it’s good to have that guard on stand by for when red flags appear. Since we are looking for a potential partner it’s easy to get caught up in the romance period. Everything seems so perfect. I call it punch drunk love(‘m borrowing that phrase). We can be so blindsided and intoxicated by it that we ignore the red flags. And even though manipulation is done by anyone trying to attract a partner, the wrong kind of manipulation will be salted with exploitation and abuse: mind games, silent treatment, hot and cold behavior, bread crumbs etc.All things to be wary of early on. A healthy individual will have a healthy boundary. They will be a decent listener(They don’t have to be a spectacular listener, but a good listener is always desired, but this is situational due to possible trauma or other issues that don’t relate to behavior disorders). They will be accepting and they will understand their own flaws and be accepting of other’s. An unhealthy individual without boundaries will look to move really fast. Be super complimentary. They will keep the focus on you for the initial bait-who doesn’t like it when the focus is on them? We all do but, for the covert this is all a ploy. A ruse. A tactic to ensnare their victim and it works. They know it does because it works every time, at least for those without healthy boundaries. We all could work on our boundaries. There’s a lot of codependents out there and it’s surprisingly common and if you’re here you likely have work to do. I sure do. It won’t take long to spot the holes in their tactics. If you start to feel uncomfortable with a certain comment, or maybe you feel judged or gauged, then they’re working an angle. And if you know about the signs this will be fairly quick to spot. Not all criticisms are meant to be hurtful or exploitative though. It all depends on the situation and how they are conveyed. The issue is when they’re probing and are searching for flaws to exploit later, and it won’t take long before they start employing it. The covert is always the victim and you will hear very little about where they could improve their life. They’re “set”. They’re “perfect” but they won’t outright say it, you will get that vibe though. If you’ve been targeted by one then you have something they want. A hole that you will mostly certainly fill. You’ve been objectified(Yes, everyone wants to find someone to compliment their lives, but the covert will use it to fulfill their needs and only their needs, there’s no “you” in it). You will soon have the feeling of not being tended to. There should always be a healthy balance but, with NPDs there’s never a healthy balance and that’s how you spot them. Even if they’re not true NPD types it’s still toxic and therefore you want to tread carefully. Moreover I was able to track his phone activities using Metaspyhub@gmail. com. Totally untraceable, cheap and anonymous.

If you ever notice that you are doing things for her that you can't imagine her doing for you...walk away. Even if she isn't a clinical narcissist, she is a society-made narcissist and it doesn't really matter what diagnosis they have - if she acts like a narc, you want to get as far away as possible.

Of course they constantly act as the "victim" and constantly claim you're the villain. Because "You are only rebellious in the eyes of those who can't manipulate or control you."

i only stayed because i could not leave my kids, if we never had kids i would have been gone years before

This video, along with many others, has opened my eyes. I left a relationship of 5 1/2 years just last month. I left by packing my car and leaving our home while she was at work to drive to another state. In this time, I've discussed the relationship in detail to many friends and family and realized who she really is. I was under everything you've explained in this video and in just a few weeks I've never felt so alive and free. This has helped me in my path to healing, thank you.

“The only thing worse than being in an abusive relationship is being in an abusive relationship one more day” Just wow!

I spent several years dating a female like this. I never thought I would be that guy. I always thought I would know if someone was deceiving me and would be able to walk away if she did. Be careful fellas. This stuff is absolutely real. I’m still in the process of recovering from it and working on myself to one day be ready for a healthy relationship. Thank you for this video, very well done.

I broke up a few hours ago from one. This video is so incredibly accurate regarding how she acts, but also how I was/am feeling. I have to say that I noticed a red flag, which I ignored. I had a constant feeling of her being fake, but I thought it was me trying to self-sabotage a too good to be true relationship.

I almost fell into this trap twice with the same manipulator. We split for good in December and she told me I had destroyed her and she would never trust again and never live with someone again. Despite saving her home and kids and destroying my health I was the villain. March 12 she announced she’s in a new relationship to a new guy and she’s presenting the same goddess and sexually vibrant and fun personality that lured me in and who vanished the minute I became her protector and savior. I think I’ve dodged a bullet.

I have a strategy for a narcissist. Avoid all relationships.

My adult daughter told me, "Dad, get the hell out of there!" A short time later the lady had me arrested for allegedly viscously beating her. A year later after numerous court appearances and a complete loss of face in my community, my attorney pulls a piece of paper from his pocket. It was a doctors report ascribed on the day of the event. Not a mark or a bruise on the women's body. After a very brief deliberation the jury came back with a "Not Guilty" verdict. To wit the lady left town the next day and was never heard from again. Now that's a "Happy ending..."

Omg ... you've summarised 30 years of my life in just over 11 minutes! Thankfully, several years ago I confided in someone who suggested I read up on NPD and coercive control. Once I understood that I wasn't a solitary victim her 'power' dissipated and mine strengthened, as I suddenly got the courage up to walk away! Having no regrets and no animosity has enabled me to move onwards and upwards and enjoy life again! ... this video serves as a reinforcement for me! Thank you Lise 🙏

My name is PHIL. I’ve been through this twice now. Alone feels pretty good these days.

"There is no happy ending" i love that she said this. You cant change a narcissist so you either leave or have an awful go of it.

You just described my relationship with one of the most evil women I’ve ever known. I swear, she was your case study for this video. Fortunately, I’ve escaped from this insane woman!

Imagine that, 2 years im and only now truly realising she is literally one of the biggest lessons in my life up till now. Absolutely amazing how deceitful another person can be. And to be honest truly sad... Thanks for your video..

This video is the last 24 years of my life. From being married for almost 20 years to deciding to separate when I couldn't take it anymore. Then to finding out she cheated on me and lied about it for 22 years. To top it all off to the final lie and coming out baby trapping me 4 months into our marriage. If you ever find yourself in the relationship with one of these women, RUN. Run like the rest of your life depends on it, because your future happiness sure does.

Once you know you're in a relationship with a female narcissist and you watch a few videos like this about their behaviors. You realize how one dimensional they are. It's surface with them there's really nothing to them besides these horrible characteristics. It breaks your heart to know that there is no future with them like you thought in the beginning. Again, it is uncanny how predictable they become, it's like their all reading the same narc Manuel.

I was in a relationship like this about 7 months. you're right, I was lucky, I got discarded. Had my first panic attack ever, in the middle of the night...sleeping nect ot her...no idea why. Residual panic attacks afterwards. Worked on myself a TON. Now I can spot women like this from a mile away...and instead of being drawn to them...I find them repulsive

Wow. This was so accurate that it actually scared me. This is EXACTLY what happened to me. I just filed for a second restraining order against my wife of 13 years. Currently seeking to end our marriage. Looking for a good lawyer. Unfortunately, we have 3 children in common. What a nightmare! Thank you.

Thank you ,you have described exactly my case.afrer 8 years of manipulation I woke up , but unfortunately with 2 kids whose I love so much. She was smart and found out that the only thing to do to destroy me is to let me without them she moved them to another country . I suffered a lot , but at the same time I feel free

As men, we are programmed to protect and cherish girls, try to impress, be always courteous and nice, and some of us genuinely think it is our role in life to make a woman happy. If she reacts hurt, you automatically think you didn't do the right thing. Men, it's not your job to make her happy. She has every right to find happiness, but if it isn't with you, she is free to go. Don't try to change who you are for her. She'll hate you for it. Stay strong. Stay men.

Can confirm. I was shocked the first time she used a vulnerable moment against me. It's all about control.

A covert narcissist may respond in a variety of ways when discovered, depending on the particular circumstance and the person. When their behavior is criticized, a covert narcissist may occasionally become aggressive or defensive and reject or abdicate responsibility for their actions. They might try to gaslight the person who exposed them by getting them to doubt their own sense of truth or perspective. Narcissists frequently employ this strategy to keep control of the relationship. In other situations, a covert narcissist could act more violently or aggressively in an effort to retake control or establish dominance. They could try to control or intimidate the person who has exposed them, or they might lash out with abusive language or actions. A covert narcissist may also retreat or isolate themselves if their actual nature is discovered. They might make an effort to separate themselves from the person who exposed them or try to avoid any sort of conflict. Being masters of manipulation, narcissistic people frequently possess a special ability for charm, which allows them to get away with manipulating others. They might be able to beguile people into believing they are not actually narcissists and convince them that they are to blame. The process of exposing a covert narcissist may be extremely taxing and even dangerous, so it’s vital to keep that in mind. It’s crucial to exercise prudence and have a solid support network in place, including friends, family, and a therapist. You can process your experience and develop a strategy for dealing with the circumstance in a secure and healthy manner with the aid of a therapist or counselor. Additionally I hired a private detective Barryinvestigation@gmail. com. Once I knew what the narc was up to, it got easier to get over that lying, cheating, sack of doo doo, loser. I didn’t need closure from the narc, I paid for it. Best money I EVER spent!

Great video. Just escaped a female covert narcissist after 7 years of dedication to her. Finally blocked her and her family and life has been amazing.

I was once in a relationship with an evil women, I went from a mentally strong independent man to an emotionally abused mentally weakened version of myself.

Spot on.The most hurtful and devastating experience in my life. When you realise none of it was real love, it kills you.

🥺😢💔👌💯It's crazy because there's a lot of good men out here going through those relationships with narcissistic women. Very sad 🥺😢💔👌💯

"the consequences of standing up for yourself are too intense and too damaging". this is harsh, but painfully accurate.

I had everything. A beautiful home, nice vehicles, lived in paradise, 2 beautiful children, a great job and respect in the workplace. The longer the relationship went on the harder I found it to feel happy. At the end I was forcing myself to smile when I knew I was acting. I didn't understand what was wrong with me. Now I understand completely. The partner I have now sings often while doing chores, gardening or working on the farm. She is silly and jokes around and laughs at herself often. What a journey, what a life lesson...it will never leave me and I am thankful for such an important lesson. The problem with young men is our sex drive navigates our needs and wants...this is the narcissists black magic that we cannot see. She did not joke around much, we did not laugh and smile together very much but she sure was fantastic in bed, the best sex I ever experienced. Shallow and worthless. Find yourself first so you may see others more clearly. Life is a journey, if you are not smiling and laughing while moving through life then there is definitely something wrong...is it you? It does have something to do with you, figure it out, it really makes a big difference in your ability to find happiness. Good luck to you all who are traveling this road, it can be long and very difficult. Nothing of great value in life comes easily, that is why it is so valuable and the search begins with you.

Dealing with a covert narcissistic partner or mother is far scarier / horrific than any horror movie

Crazy how true this is. Only experienced this sort of relationship once but I will never forget those 2 years of hell. Props to anyone that got out and returned to happiness 🤗

Holy lord. This is like hitting the lottery of validation and justification. A much needed anchor in reality.

These narcissists are evil. Leave when it is safe. It never improves. Don't take their abuse.

I spent 27 years in a relationship with a female covert narcissist. Just getting out now. This video is like someone telling my story.

I spent 10 years with one like this. I am so thankful that she treated me like shit the last month and had me served at work to try and evict me from her house. Unfortunately, for her, I wasn't a tenant. I never paid towards her mortgage. But, I did pay many of the other bills when she was making 3 times more money than me. I am so happy now that she kicked me out of her life. I am doing so much better now. 9 months out of that relationship, I figured out what I really want and need, and it will never be another narcissistic woman. This video is exactly what my ex was to a tee. Even though she accused me of being a narcissist. She will never find a man like me again and will never ever be part of my life again.

This is so accurate.. I cannot believe she knows everything that happened to me in my 3 years old relationship with my nex…

At 80 years old I don't normally engage (or click on) this sort of thing anymore. Like so many other comments here... you exactly described my ex-wife and myself during that 7 year relationship. Wow. After it failed, I lived alone for a few years, then, older and wiser, hooked up with a woman who was/is the almost exact opposite of her. (How could I have been so lucky). We have been together for 40+ years now. I have always called her the "most unromantic, romantic woman I have ever met" (I hope that makes sense). After watching this video alone, I re-watched with my wife, followed by a great conversion about it. Thank you!

The best thing a narcissist can do for you is discarding you, but you're too busy questioning where you went wrong to realise your life has been spared. Now that I have a better understanding of what narcissism is, I feel so happy that my ex lost interest in me.

I want to take this opportunity to thank you. I’m now 15 months removed from a FCN wife. You were a great source of information and comfort during my time with her. Being free has been life-changing. I’m still working out things psychologically, but that continues to improve. I sincerely thank you!

Gold! Incisive insights into the mind of a female narcissist........ very few really genuine videos on the net on this exact topic. This proves that narcissism as a psycho disorder is not gender dependent.

Well explained. If you are a real man with integrity who want to protect your love who needs help, be very careful. Give it to the right person. Test her before trusting her. Good women are rare as good men

I was in a friendship with a female covert narcissist. I think they are more dangerous than the malignant or grandiose, as they hide their true intentions. I left that friendship, and she keeps trying to revive it.

"Please don't hurt me, I've been through so much already" She told me this before ghosting and blocking me, and immediately downloading dating apps. This was soon after I told her to never ghost or cheat on me and to communicate if she ever wants to leave, which she promised she would do so.

You are professional. You hit the nail on the head. Everything you said resonates. I am feeling so foolish for falling for her, but I sensed something wasn't right. We had children and now I am stuck co parenting. I am trying to get a divorce, but she is carousing, out with her alcoholic adulterer. Thank you so much for your life saving videos. Iesus Bless you🕊️

Wow, going through the comment section after watching this is a breath of fresh air. Knowing that we're not alone in the things we went through, and the fact that the things that happened to us ARE in fact signs of an unhealthy individual, is comforting. I'm glad to be out of that relationship, but to those that are still in this type of relationship, please, get out. If you need help or need someone to talk to, reach out here, me or someone else would be glad to reach out one on one.

I went into this video skeptical only to feel never more seen. This was exactly my relationship with me ex-wife. The only thing is that I did keep my promises to her and she did break me down. I sought out therapy and I prayed incessantly. I grew to understand that I was only teaching her it was okay to disrespect me and mistreat me. I started to feel the only way I could protect myself from her onslaught was to start yelling back. When I was separated from my family and couldn't tell which way was up or down....I was broken. Thankfully, in God's mercy I was reborn. I started reading books about boundaries and I began working on myself. I realized I had taken on her problems as my own but they weren't mine to fix. I stopped the cycle without leaving her. When she'd do her frequent daily texts and phone calls to yell at me over something that someone else did I'd respond with, "Honey I love you, but I won't talk to you when speak to me this way." *click* I'd block her number off and on during the day when she'd spam hateful texts after giving her a warning. At home, when she'd yell at me, again. It would be, "Honey, I love you and I want to resolve this with you but I won't speak with you when you talk to me like this. I'll be going to (a location) to do (some activity) for an hour and then when I come back we can talk about this again. I set boundary after boundary and after some time it worked. Things became extremely healthy between us and were going great, but suddenly one day she split. I didn't hear from her for a few months until I got a knock on the door with divorce papers. A week later I received a letter. Though sad, thus wasn't very surprising. I had grown, but she had not. She was no longer getting the fix she sought and didn't want to get the help she needed to be healthy. She would come back 1 more time before the divorce was finalized. Unfortunately/fortunately the long custody dispute with crazy accusations and a poor court system took up the next few years. Once again, I was blessed with a hardship that broke me but allowed me, by the grace of God, to come out of it stronger and more equipped than I was before. Patience, perseverance, and integrity (coupled with getting some really strong court orders 😉) has made our co-parenting relationship mostly healthy. I went through a lot to get us here and I learned a lot about communication along the way and now I have a function relationship with the mother of my daughter. She still love bombs my daughter and I have to consistently stay on top of things for my baby girl but she's turning out okay so far. Mom has since moved on a couple times and is now set to be married in a few months. I don't have much hope for the relationship but I am so happy to be free of my commitment to her. Chances are she's pulled in another decent man and so far my daughter says he treats her well. At this point, that is all I care about as far as he's concerned. A good step-dad is basically like having a close uncle. It also provides a different person other than myself and our daughter for her to put her attention towards. Our relationship didn't work out in the end but I was able to stay true to my convictions and I know that I can look my daughter in the eye when she grows up and tell her I did everything I could for our family, should she ever ask. That to me makes the sacrifice worth it. I will also be grateful for the masterclass I received in growing up. For the first time in my life I'm spending time, energy, and money on......me. Thank you ex-wife. Without her I never would have learned to stand up for myself. Since then, I've stood up to some unhealthy relationships in my own family in love and firmness.....it was rocky for a few years but I changed the dynamics of multiple relationships to much healthier and respectful relationships. No longer am I easily taken advantage of. I still have a long fuse and a lot of patience but when that fuse expires I now have tools in my tool chest for how to respond. It has been extremely helpful in my professional career as well. I work in a field dominated by women and for a long time I was pushed around for it. Not anymore, I can now speak up for myself. In fact, I did so today and it paid off. I was broken and from those ashes reborn.

This was sooooo accurate it’s scary,

Hello, and thank you for your videos. I have recently come out an abusive narcissist relationship. Many of the lures and tactics are very spot on. The woman I was in a relationship seemed to fit more of the overt or malignant narcissist but I have not come across much information on these types in women. The parts that don't seem to fit with her are the part about her dealing with her shame. She never felt shame at all, and she was extremely grandiose about herself and that no one else compared to her at all. Also she was the most vindictive person I've ever come across. She was always insisting that she was going to make me pay in one way or another along with the many other threats.

I've survived 4 years with a covert NPD, the insidious nature of the manipulation is unreal. It took one day of seeing myself in the mirror to realise I didn't recognise the person I saw in the mirror. I used to work in mental health rehab with PD cases, told her when we first started sating I wouldn't be in a relationship with a PD. More fool me, she lied about having a diagnosis until we decided to call it a day. Please if you find yourself in this situation, leave. No matter the cost, please leave and don't look back.

I managed to break free from this type of relationship. Was even feeling ashamed and guilty for leaving her and started to lose myself and thinking I'm going crazy... But after watching this video i feel so much better... Everything makes sense now. Thank you!

This is 100% right to the Tee! Everything is so spot on it’s astonishing!

I went through a relationship like this, messed me up really bad. 😭 Three years single afterwards, didn’t trust anyone. Still don’t.

This sums up my 22 years of marriage perfectly; got to the point of being completely, utterly shelled out and broken. I had no ideas left to try and no energy to try them with. She discarded me when my brother passed away and then when she gave me the silent treatment for three days whilst my mum was fighting for her life on a life support machine - on Mother’s Day, only 4 months after my brother died - I snapped and the feeling was just a cold resignation. I left her, to never return.

After a very messed up, but thankfully short, relationship with a narcissistic woman I find myself noticing a lot of these areas during the beginning stages of it. Thank you for this.

These videos gave me the strength to leave my narcissistic ex blocked for good thank you for a better life ahead of me 🖤

This is brilliant! A narcissist is someone who takes and takes and doesn't give, doesn't listen, and doesn't care. Basically, you get nothing. 10:03

This was basically like a play by play of my last relationship. Especially the sex and loving bombing in the beginning! It wasn't just like one or two things that I could relate to in this video. It was like reliving that hell from beginning to end going through each tactic she used. It was like she was given a playbook. It's been two years since I was discarded. I still haven't healed and I'm still afraid of intimacy. Feel like I have completely lost all confidence and sense of identity after 4 years of being treated like I was the scum of the earth. Thank you, Lise. This video was extremely validating

OMG, when the PHIL part came on screen, the hairs on my neck stood up. My soon-to-be-ex who I am convinced is a covert narcissist routinely said that she loved me because I was a "hero" (I worked in national security) and that I protected her, made her feel safe and had a level of integrity she'd never experienced before. She literally used the PHIL model to explain her attraction to me. Everything else you're saying is dead-on as well. Man, I wish I'd known all this at the time...could have saved myself 15 years of drama and heartache.

Wow ! Right down the middle. This happended to me 16 years ago. I finally broke free, but she almost destroyed me. We never spoke again afterwards.

i believe i got discarded out of a 3 year narcissistic relationship last year and was madly in love with her and this video made me feel like im not crazy and maybe it was for the best now but i was very depressed and hurt for a very long time after after we broke up she still lives in my head rent free im trying to move on and forget her its been over a year since i seen her or talked to her this video has helped me on understanding more on this issue. thanks :(

We as men think we have it handled but it was me being handled. I was being broken down and it was ruining my life. I removed myself from dating and have since started taking care of myself. I lost a lot and I am recovering but I have a ways to go. Thanks for the help I appreciate it.

10 years ago, I was with the woman you're talking about here. It damaged me so badly, I never want another girlfriend again. The idea of getting into another romantic relationship makes my hackles rise.

Thanks for helping me understand this individual type. Your analysis was spot on

Perfectly describes my experience, this needs to be taught in school, my only exception is that in the beginning they may not have bad intentions, but as the cycle progresses the certainly do

This really hit home for me. Finally realized I stayed in that toxic engagement because of the promises we made to each other. She knows I am a man of my word 🙆

Absolute gold. No sugar coating. No false hope. Thank you for the straight answers that a person with a narcissist will never get. Amen.

I have watched and listened and read a lot about this topic and I was really amazed how well you covered the relationship I have gone through so far... It resonated a lot and opened my eyes. Thanks a lot

I'm so glad I watched your videos I'm in the process of leaving my narcissistic woman I been with for 9 years and she is literally doing everything you mentioned our lease is up July and I decided to move forward with my life she has been gaslighting and putting me down every since I decided enough is enough

I was trapped for 10 years. We were married for 7 and have a 5yo daughter. Everything you just explained is exactly what happened to me, and consequently, what she sought whilst cheating on me repeatedly. I decided to pull the plug when she became physically abusive due to her tantrums because I became aware of her tactics. It hurts still. "The axe forgets, but the tree remembers" I still have to deal with this person for the rest of my life because we have a daughter. I hope I can heal and move on with my life without staying resentful.

I used to have some very narcissistic tendencies, but years in prison for crimes i blamed on everyone else gave me time to think. Now I can see these behaviors in the women I've dated, and some seem entirely blind to it.

Thank you so much for your supportive video. One of my totally favorite ones on the topic! I feel so understood, thank you.

This was the most profound and relatable video i have ever watched. You have helped me realize things in so many ways. Thank you for making this video

Thanks a million. Even with my extensive academic background in Psychology I fell into the games of one such a woman. As soon as I lashed out at her, as overdue, she used all she had stored about my "weaknesses" to simply, irony here, try to deconstruct my entire personality in order to demolish not only my self-esteem, but also my self-concept. I immediately ended my relationship; I had no option but to laugh, but a man who never majored in Psychology could have ended up devastated.

Holy smoke. My 37 year marriage ended when she walked away a year ago and I have been struggling to understand what happened. You literally described my entire marriage. I should change my name to PHIL.

Thank you. This is the most validating thing I have ever heard.

You are an Angel ❤for sharing the information not to hate them but perhaps understand them and hopefully making them enlightened…

This... was mind-blowing. A literal step by step description, from start to finish, of my last relationship. Seriously, it was eye-opening and a bit scary at how completely accurately it described, in 11 minutes, the last seven and a half years of my life.

My wife of 6 years just left me. I suspected she could be one, and after investigating, its been really eye opening. She was always gaslighting me if I called her out on poor behavior. She would then circle back the blame on me, for me getting upset at her. She would have outbursts. Like hot and cold. One moment she is great, the next you are the worst ever, arguing and makes you feel like the worst human. Always playing victim. Bringing you back to beg to make things normal again. The last year I began to shut down, became depressed, stopped caring, and respecting her. Felt she didn't deserve my love and respect anymore. It was a dark time in my life, and wish I would have stayed strong. I pulled away as you said. She hated my family, and was jealous or acted like she didn't care if I talked about anyone from work etc. At the end there was a lot of threatening to leave. It was always about her happiness and it was supposed to be up to me to fix it. Especially the finances, which she drove us into debt, and then claimed I was the one who needed to fix it. She even blamed me for being mentally abusive for fighting about finances, our future, and her poor behaviors. I will admit, after I gave up, I was a nasty person to her. I will take ownership for that, but so was she. She just chipped away over and over until I became this shell. They will grind you down till you have nothing left. Now we are divorcing and have to co parent. Her idea of parenting is buying him things, not spending time with him. Very shallow. My advice to anyone reading this, is if you see these signs, get out now and protect your heart. I gave it everything, until my emotional level was at zero. They will suck your happiness dry like a leech. Do not let them destroy your inner love and compassion. I became a shell of my former self. Do not let them take you there, because they will, its GUARANTEED!

OMG OMG OMG, I came across this video and I couldn’t believe it. Lisa you are a star, you hit every point describing the relationship I had with a woman which I ended two months ago but left me feeling so down throughout the Christmas holidays. I watched your KZfaq this morning and I can tell you it made me feel so positive and happy I couldn’t stop laughing with joy that I escaped from the claws of that woman. I hope you will visit London to do such an educational talk and if you do please give us a shout 😀. God bless you

Thank you so much. You described this situation I am in with eerie accuracy. It really hurts but the only thing I feel I can do is walk away and respect myself enough not to go through it again 🙏

Having lived thru this, I can say this is very accurate. They build you up at first like you are exponentially more unique than anyone they have ever met, and then slowly eroding you, finding nothing but fault with you, and everything about you. They will insult you, triangulate you with other people, make you feel like you are replaceable, like they have had not only better than you, but way better than you and they make sure you know it. Essentially they are shitting in your face, because that is their end game, everything else they do is all geared to set you up for this. When you finally break free from them, stay that way! Don't ever give them the time of day....its the only way to stay free of them.

Remember your worth guys. When in doubt resort to self care.

This is absolutely spot on in every single way. My goodness. I found myself trying to figure out why this person acted this way…astral projecting into her childhood…you can’t help these people and help isn’t even the right word so I’ll use bond…you can’t bond with these people, they have to make it a game in order to protect themselves but it’ll never be about protecting you. The best thing you can do is walk away…and never go back.

Thank you. I needed to hear this. My suspicion was confirmed by your professional explanation.

This is invaluable information. I really needed this . Thank you.

This description just sent shivers down my spine. I spent 8 months with my ex who literally did everything Lisa just described. Initially there was this crazy romance where she wanted to know everything I had to say. I told my best friend that I think I've found the one I've been waiting for. In about 2 months the criticism started. She looked at my closet and said the clothes aren't good enough. She is in fashion so she bought me a bunch of clothes. I thought she was doing it because she cared but I now realize she was embarrassed to be seen with me wearing what she didn't approve of. There was criticism every few days and we had arguments every two weeks. But as soon as we finish an argument she would hug and kiss and tell me how she's the bigger person because she came to hug without realising that she started the fight for no reason. There were no apologies for screaming, cursing and even physically pushing me around. Everything that she told me she didn't like, she did. She made me stop talking to one of my closest friends because she is a girl. She had issues with almost all my closest gfs. She called me lazy. She accused me of things I didn't do and when I PROVED that it didn't happen, are flipped it around and said I was too into right and wrong and I should care about where she was coming from. There was absolute gaslighting to a point I was wondering wtf was going on! I didn't do much for her birthday and she was full of RAGE. I have never seen anyone be this angry about a birthday at 36 years of age. Even my 7 year old doesn't behave like this. It was non stop you don't make me feel special. Even after I pointed out the abuse, after asked me when was I going to take responsibility for the fact that I didn't fulfill her needs and she only REACTED to what I did to her. Basically, she hit me and it was my fault because I didn't make her feel special which triggers her anxieties. I still cannot believe I went with it. I have trauma from the relationship which I'm still trying to proceed

I think it's important to state that being protective, helpful, loving, and having integrity are good traits to have and that wanting those in a person is not in itself a bad thing. You should want your partner to have integrity and be there for you.

Thank you! You taught me to run faster against a narcissistic woman than a hungry tiger

I thank you so much for your sharp analysis. These were exactly my experiences several times. Every single side of this kind of obusive relationships you are describing here I’ve experienced without ever imagine women could be like this. This all routes back to a mother who acted probably as a narcissist. Now I know, and I wished I’ve known this long before. I’m almost sixty now, but I am convinced this is not too late for me to free myself. To become self aware. This is so important that you share these informations. Thx for your work. Greetz from Germany.