Idk being told I won’t abandon you makes me think your gonna abandon me 10x worse lol

@kileys4887 I'm sorry you feel that way. Actions that don't back up words can make anyone feel suspicious, and all the more playing into this abandonment. Truthfully, you'll know who makes you feel safe and who doesn't. It's a feeling you can't ignore. But I've always been honest with my friend who has BPD. I tell her even truths that I know will make me uncomfortable. But I know that if I don't tell her, it could hurt her all the more, and I don't want that. I've seen her at what she considers her worst, but I just see someone who is worthy to be loved.

As someone with quiet BPD. Thank you for doing this for your friend ❤️ Reassuring your love and care is everything for us

You’re an 😇🫶🏻

I have quiet bordeline ,please bordaliners are not DISABLED so dont treat them so. Nobody needs to be reassured like a baby, the fact of the matter is that its a dysregulation and a fantasm of abandonment. You just seem to enter into her fantasy world where she actually lose feet. Only her can do something to face her problem, aknowledge herself and with the hope awareness will bring her to access more confidence. The more you ll treat like a baby the more she gets stuck and you will be sucked in her fantasy world.

Weirdo

Me neither

Same

Why do you feel called out?

​@@EmotionalAbuseSurvivorsBecause basically every symptom lines up.

Diet is a big one as well. My mom would eat too much sugar and be off the charts. When her insulin & sugar levels were in balance her moods were more stable.

Exercise/physical activity in general, diet and Meditation.

❤️❤️

I think outdoor exercise/activity in general is good for everyone's mental health. My girlfriend has BPD, and my question is, do you find that often when your mood or emotions are fluctuating that you struggle to find energy or motivation to engage in healthy activities that you know will be of benefit? This is something I've noticed with my girlfriend, that she seems to be least likely to do things like hiking or workout or spend time with her horse when she is experiencing turbulent emotions, even though she knows that those things are good for her and actually help her to be calm and stable.

@@HartyBiker Indeed, I do have that lack of motivation…but that could also be my ADHD because it is co-morbid with my diagnosis of BPD.

Please explain the fear of imagined abandonment for me please because I'm trying to understand BPD more. Would you describe it as being preoccupied with the sense that your romantic partner is plotting to sever all ties with you & run off with someone else, or can the fear of abandonment be related to everyday people & situations as well

@@carpathianken pretty much not even about leaving with someone else more just like them finding out how flawed you are or how not good you are in some way or another and taking off on you

@@carpathiankenor friends deciding you’re crazy or not worth being around, just self deprecating shit really

I sympathize with you, I have fear of abandonment as well.. I have bpd... and yes it really sucks!

@@MypronounIsKing Thanks for taking the time to leave me those couple of comments Bobby. I assumed the fear of abandonment associated with BPD was more of a general feeling of impending unease that someone is going to up & leave you unexpectedly with no rhyme or reason for it , but now realise that the fear of abandonment would have an actual cause that a character or behavioural defect made the other person leave & let's be honest none of us are perfect every minute of every day so to have that stress & tension to be perfect & not upset your significant others, hovering over a BPD person 24/7 must be exhausting.

I was just wondering this.. my partner has cptsd, but I used to think it could be as he seems to have a few of these symptoms.. bouts of paranoia, intense anger for various reasons, suddenly argumentative for no reason, sudden low moods, shifting self image/identity, fear of abandonment (reacts by pushing away), victim attitude. But is also kind, caring, empathetic, proactive, helpful, generous, great dad. I find it draining, he won't seek help.

Thank you for sharing that. I have severe CPtsd and watching this video, I thought I should get checked for borderline. Lol So, treat people with CPtsd as kind as borderline personality types. We have been abandoned and it's scary. Especially if you struggle with finances. I honestly don't know how people do it. Just going about life alone and making it. Nvm having a life. 😢❤

You do realize a Borderline will eventually destroy a narcissist don’t you….so that’s false, gotta do the research

Amen my pos hubby

​@@Peteyzee98 what?

@@Peteyzee98 It's not me in which the aggressive controlling problem is that I see. You clearly have not experienced the 55 years of failed psychologists ideas that I have either. Here go take Dilantin until your teeth fall out as I cant tell epilepsy from adhd

Good questions

Thanks for sharing this. Well done for all you did to take good care of yourself. You deserve a good future!

I am also a healed one. Thanks God. That was the hell.

Choking me up here, congratulations!

I wasn't notified about these comments but had one about a like on this today so I saw these..I'm late but I'd like to say thank you all for the supportive messages! It means something to me, I carry these comments close to my heart. I hope you all have a lovely day, this was really nice. 💗

I was diagnosed at age 23. Now, age 43. Every day is a fight within myself. It's not as loud, but it still rattles me to core at times.

IDK. Because society makes it difficult for any Cluster B to be genuine without preconceived notions?

Idk......but sometimes shame has a way of making people think that if they just hate themselves enough, they will change. Which is far from the truth, it just makes things worse.

@wonderland7493 I don't understand, what do you mean exactly?

​@@hyperionsolomonguessing here. Maybe in a round about way she is saying that they are not accepting and she can't deal with extra turmoil. Everybody has problems...

That could be because you're not borderline and you know you're using it as an excuse not to improve.

Hey, thanks for sharing this. I got out of a similar situation 6 months ago. I’m still massively hung up on her. Think about her constantly, miss her all the time, even though she was literally straight up abusing and disrespecting me daily, sometimes hourly. How did you cope? How did you move on?

@@ryanives6913 I'm a year out. I can't say that I've really moved on, it still feels the same. I asked my therapist the same thing last week... "When does this end" :) It takes a while to regain your own balance, you picked up some of her bent reality and made it your own, and it's going to take a while to untwist it all. I deal with it by getting invested in other things, work, home reno, learning a new sport, painting, writing, etc. I also spent time learning about it, and doing therapy for myself. I'm not bothering with relationships yet, I just can't get into them. The only thing I can do is turn it into motivation. Pick something up, and focus on it for a while. Find something hard and make it your own. Sounds silly, but pick up a book on DBT, it helped me early on. All the mindfulness stuff. I originally started learning those techniques, so I could understand how to have her back, but I never got to use it. Except, it did work for me too. Unfortunately, you'll never get basic respect, or closure from her. Write about your experiences.

Treatment doesn't work with them

@@krillin6 that's not the opinion of people in the physiology field who specialize in BPD. It can take a while, and requires support, and a willingness on the person's part, but treatments like DBT have been shown to work.

That’s if they are ever diagnosed. The person I know has been diagnosed with lots of individual different things..and treated for each aspect. Lo and Behold..every single one of those symptoms is on this list. And, she is very good at twisting things around so that it looks like she is the constant victim, and that she is being taken advantage of. @@BrillPappin

Fuck you. Her life is exhausting, leave her alone.

You are the stupid one, with privileges you don't deserve.

Such flakes, I relate to this. I went no contact with some family members that have this disease and a couple of ex-friends for the same reason. Absolutely exhausting.

My sister has been abusive towards me my entire life kids to adulthood. These videos or people who have BPD try to downplay their behavior.

There's a huge range and degrees of symptoms. Sorry your suffered for a little while, but get over yourselves. some people would say dealing with "normal"people is exhausting

Same, I just turned 46, and I really have a new perspective on my disorder. I'm not perfect, but I'm doing better by leaps and bounds... I'm ecstatic❤

@@SexyTimes1624 🫶🏻Keep the faith, sister!👍

yep living with bpd is no fun.. I have it..

💯

Duh snot

So true. Im diagnosed with bpd and my father is also diagnosed with bpd. It has a high heritability. My childhood was filled with walking on eggshells and constant screaming and violence. Wish my parents got their shit together.

This goes for wayy more people than bpd. The most violent people arent usually mentally ill. I just want to say that cause all these disorders are sooo stigmatised it's wild.

@@otah7493 Sorry, but BPD people stigmatise themselves. And you do not even have to be evil-willing to cause severe damage. The OP is completely right, BPD people shouldn't have kids, if they cannot control their shit. And I say this as a child of a BPD mother. But as if that wasn't enough, I also hadn't too much positive experiences with other BPD people. They do not even get their shit together when they know you suffer from PTSD anyway. Just unbelievable. I also see on a regular basis that people who shouldn't have kids for several reasons bring them into this world anyway without giving a single thought to what consequences this will have for their kids. And afterwards, I also regularly witness that the outcome of the story turns out to be exactly as I assumed. By the way, I myself heavy-heartedly decided to not have kids due to my PTSD as I wouldn't have been able to guarantee the up-bringing I wish for every child in this world. Not because I am a villain, but because some factors of PTSD like hypervigilance may have caused some major difficulties simply for the reason that kids are being kids.

💔

Holy shit bro!!! 😢 are you okay?

@@cynthiab9229 you look very familiar.

@@hyperionsolomon I'm fine. I, honestly, didn't think she'd do it because she would jokingly talk about suicide so often that it seemed like she was just looking for attention. I didn't know her ex-boyfriend but she was smitten with him when they first met 3 years ago and when he ended their relationship she accused him of being manipulative but then complained about how he never reached out to her to see how she was doing. I really believe that she was the problem and he couldn't stand dealing with her emotional neediness anymore.

@NOCDIB it's not his fault. She was suffering long before she met him. She was accidentally colonizing his mind, body and soul, but not on purpose. He did what he had to, to survive. She was doing the same. She would have drown him. No contact is the only way too. I'm very sorry about the other dude. That shit may haunt him for his entire life 😞

Во имя Асторот!

No God does not help demons ..period..get educated by the bible

Amen please pray for my husband.

Please give more detail on this?

Get her fired don't quit

What’s a Bfather?

@@lia.6408 Good question. Bfather stands for, 'Baby Father'. 🙂

yeah going through that at the moment, I'm also trying to be seen for Autism and Bi Polar as my housemate was a carer for his Bipolar mother and autistic sister for 20+ years and said I have the same kind of patterns as her, my symptoms match bipolar but not BPD at all but the joke of a clinician in the NHS didn't like when I took his report and highlighted every part of it that was incorrect or omitted. It was basically a bright yellow document. The stuff they gave me to 'deal with bpd' like throw ice cubes in bath, write a letter to the part of you that is angry, tear up newspaper, it's insulting but the sad part is he refused to believe I have bipolar as I don't have a history of self harm, like I don't want to exist, I'm not trying to cause myself more pain. Seems the NHS will only take you seriously if you pull 13 year old attention seeking crap. Well I just told him outright exactly how I'd do it and politely explained that it is impossible to fail that, so I'm gonna get help or one day I just won't have the mental energy to convince myself to wait a little longer for help

It can be comorbid. Understand the differences before absolutely misleading people.

You do realize their are different types of bipolar as well. Know the differences please!

@@yvonnemar5366 yeah at no point did I say there wasn't more than one kind. Just that it isn't BPD, the treatments for BPD are completely different to the ones for bipolar and guess what I tried them they all make me worse I wonder why, but as we have an update the clinician I had before was removed and I'm actually currently undergoing investigation for bipolar, autism and adhd. But can you guess what these clinicians ruled out day one? BPD. The only one here speaking without the full information is yourself who assumed. At no point has anyone been misled apart from yourself, seek help

Same thing happened to me. Obviously a lot of people get diagnosed and identify but it's a new type of hell when you don't and have to fight it. People don't take you seriously and whatever IS going on with you gets even more confused as symptoms (obsessions, compulsions, depression, anxiety, sleep disturbances, panic attacks and dysregulation) go through the roof. If you're in a situation of abuse as well ha! It's a journey. But I am properly treated now (no depression and other symptoms managed) and I have never felt better. The point being, getting this as misdiagnosis is traumatizing in itself. It's dangerous. I feel for everyone who has it ❤

I just know that I do not handle stress well. I’m very jumpy. I’m super sensitive and read into everything that everyone says and does. And I battle depression, anxiety, co-dependency, ED and SH…!

Here's the most unique thing... people with bpd attract people that are narcissistic like a magnet.. Because narcs lack emotions and people with bpd lack confidence.. and narcs have confidence and people with bpd have tons of emotions..

Isn't the biggest obstacle the bpd itself?

@@sal2975 no. BPD is very treatable: the person and their family learn DBT. But one of the problems with stigma is that it stands in the way of seeking and accessing treatment. Even for those who *want* treatment, it is difficult to get because of stigma. It's difficult to get an accurate diagnosis as well, again, because of stigma. Edited for typos

Very good desription

Thats not a BPD thing. That is using BPD as an excuse thing.

I get what you're saying and you may be right...but try to stay open to the idea that "normal" things could very possibly be 10x harder for her. Could also possibly be a stress or trauma response or coping mechanism. Especially if she feels any resentment or guilt or shame. Could be a survival tool she uses to hide behind. Or maybe she's just using BPD as an excuse to be lazy lol just try to stay open 😊

Then thats the narcissistic aspect and not the BPD aspect showing up. All those things you named are narcissistic features.

Good thing she's your ex! I hope she does not accept the label, stays away from drugs and learns self respect, realizing that other people's abuse got her there and not her. BPD is not real, and made up to blame and control traumatized people, or the person takes on the label to make excuses for themselves, which is just regular narcissism. It a fib everyone is telling themselves because they are too lazy to respect and listen to loved ones. If she is too much, go find less!

​@@N0p3er5Lmfao shut up. Your ignorance is disgusting.

​​​@@N0p3er5h i got bpd from being r4ped and beaten as a kid. Theres differnt forms of bpd aswell, i have queit bpd which is just inward and against myself instead of others. Dont deny mental illness that has been confirmed to be real by thousonds of professionals becuase thats like saying depression or anxiety or PTSD doesn't exsit.

Hope she gets help too therapy helped me aton with my bpd, barely show any symptoms anymore.

@@berserkagain7976 then you have depression, PTSD and anxiety. Most psychiatrists use BPD as a punishment for patients they hate. It's a dumb catch all label that can ruin your life further, I refuse to acknowledge it, psychaitrists are fascists and some come from places that treat women like animals. You have no clue what happened to me, but it's also pretty bad, and I'm not afraid to say everyone else is fucked for trying to keep me from telling the truth about it. 4 years med free now, with an actual partner and home. I got my brain back. They don't want you to think, they want you to act the way they want and blame yourself. I don't buy it.

I BELIEVE THIS IS TRUE!!

Please help me. Any sources on how I can regulate my emotions? Currently going through an abandonment situation and I hate feeling like this

@@exquisite_f1213 it’s several things I’ve been doing daily for 1.5 years. You’ve to keep at it. Morning affirmations, meditate, daily yoga, and when you’re in a heightened emotion journal- everything the good, the bad, don’t filter. All these helps but u need to keep being discipline. There’s a road map but you need to be determined to follow it

Overcome it may not be the best word to use.. Lets say you can learn to live with it and accept that you will be living with it for the rest of your life.. Acceptance is the 1st step to healing.. I live with bpd and had 2 narc parents..

@@EmotionalAbuseSurvivors acceptance may be the first step but managing and overcoming it comes later. It can be done. You can achieve as far as what you set your mind to achieve. But everyone has their own perspective about things. Sending u lots of love and healing energy

Most undiagnosed people don't know they have mental illness. You need to tell them.

BPD is generally insufferable & exhausting to be around.

Poor behavior is poor behavior. Having bpd is not an excuse

@@penderyn8794tried telling my ex who I was working on my relationship with after she lied about seeing someone behind my back for months after my brother died (I even cried on her shoulder at his funeral) that she most likely has BPD and laid out every single symptom with photo evidence of her expressing these symptoms, along with every instance of a lie or abuse she committed against me and all she had to say was “thank you for sharing how you feel.” She said this to someone who recently celebrated the first birthday of his dead brother at his grave. No apology, no acknowledgement of any wrong doing. Mental illness is not always an excuse. She knew full well what she did was wrong and still did it.

💯💯💯💯💯💯

I also LOVE the use of "we."

🙄

How do you survive these breakups when they use them as 'punishments' ? There's multiple kinds of BPD and apparently not all are manipulative

In my experience, it's not just pertaining to a break up. My BPD person would shift self image to match with whomever the favorite person of the month was, then would go to great lengths including threatening suicide and self harm when that person needed space. This would look like rejection and lead the BPD to split. This could be a love interest, a class mate, a teacher, a Co worker, a friend, a relative... anyone. It's leads to lots of unstable relationships with others.

Oh I hear you! I have a friend with bod and she's intense. But I've made many many efforts to be there. Unfortunately I lost my mum and then my partner has been diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. Now I'm the oos because she can't understand why my priorities have shifted. I'm still here though...absolutely no support from her because. It's all about her feelings.

You don't need examples, you need a professional. Please don't try to diagnose yourself.

(TRIGGER WARNING) mentions self harm and suicide I have bpd. Most people who see from the outside dont really understand what that means. Yes, its an intense fear of abandonment and loss. Usually its people who did not have stable connections growing up, so they dont understand what its like to be securely attached to someone (like a parent). In my case, my parents werent exactly abusive, but they werent there for me emotionally or physically (most of the time). I didnt grow up with a secure attachment with someone I love. This is partly due to the fact I grew up in a way where I would never talk about my life or issue or feelings. I felt the need to hide myself because I was in constant fear of how others would react. This is what can develop BPD. It is not a genetic disorder, its generational and nurture. There are many other ways it can develop. But anyway, present time. I now have an intense fear of losing somebody I finally make an "attachment" to. For me, I dont blow up or attack people (idk who does really unless you're BPD with another disorder that causes increase risk of external harmful behavior to others). I only can get irritated and RARELY ever do I blow up at another family member who is ignoring me or bringing back those feelings I get. But those are NOT the extreme parts, those are very benign compared to everything else I experience. When I am in an emotional breakdown, I am by myself, I have a fear of BEING ALONE. Im not gonna freak out when Im with people, that just doesnt make sense. Anyway, I'll sob for a long time and literally feel physical pain due to the emotions Im feeling. My body will literally hurt. There were studies shown the people with BPD do experience emotions at a significant increased level of pain compared to those without the disorder. (yes pain can be scientifically measured). Anyway, many with BPD cope with self harm to remove that pain, for me, (yes I feel ashamed about it) I may hit myself on the head until I get dizzy or stop feeling. Other coping mechanisms I have (healthier route) is to dissociate. Which means to detach yourself from reality, I lose feelings and go blank for hours. Some people do resort to suicide (i have a couple times), which are due to depression feelings, hopelessness and loneliness. I may begin to feel hopeless that there is nothing I can do and that I am all alone in the world so theres no point in trying anymore. I've never ever threatened that to another person before (though I can see why someone would) because I understand how rude and horrible that is. I dont want others to feel that. I'm a big overthinker... I think many people may display attention seeking behavior because they dont know how else to get other's affections. Its a rewarding thing to have when you feel like you can never truly get it. The whole "loss sense of identity" comes from the part where I grew up and didn't spend any time being able to figure myself out because I spent the whole time trying to figure everyone else out (ie by trying to see how do I get people's attention or create an attachment with someone due to not having that growing up). Anyway to sum it up, BPD is an "insecure anxious attachment," as said by my therapist. Trust me, most of us do try and looking back, I see how annoying I mustve been to be friends with. DBT does work if you have the resources and open mind needed. I'm still recovering and not perfect, but at least I understand social skills. I feel bad for how misunderstood and generalized everyone is, there are people who are suffering more than I am/have. We just need support in realizing that changing and healing is not impossible. People with BPD have horrible black and white thinking (all or nothing). (bpd is NOT narcissism) Trying to reason with people who are Narc or stubborn is different, however. Idk about that

Go to your county health dept.

@@neveragain733 I don’t have one near me,and if I did I would have to still tell my parents

❤ same here, 2 wks ago. Gonna start dbt soon.

You are still the same person. You just have an idea on what you have to work with. It a long road but you can do it. You will have setbacks but thats ok

I understand how you feel but what makes you feel like they would turn you away? I think it could be worth it to try to call a helpline. Even though you might be scared of finding out what potentially might be the cause for your feelings, it does not have to be bpd and it will definitely help you. Better than no help and sitting with those feelings ❤

They always tell me I shouldn't jump onto self-diagnosing, but I'm not, I have never mentioned to them that i've self diagnosed myself with bpd, and they brush it off when i try to talk about my worries :(@@RealTalkwithLou