I find it so sad when you realise they don’t want to find solutions or make things better, they just want to dump all their negative energy on you and use you. There is no love.

When I first learned about gray rocking a few yrs ago from Dr. Ramani, I carried a grey rock in my pocket as a reminder.

Gray rock is to remove their significance in your life.

Ultimately, having no empathy for the narcissist doesn't sacrifice your sanity and self preservation...it saves it.

Don’t let them see you bleed; don’t let them see you cry. If you flinch they have prey.

After years of gray rocking, I've found SO much peace 😌

Its become easier to grey rock seeing how their abuse and shenanigans have caused the illness and depression I suffer from time to time. 🤷‍♀️

Grey rocking followed by no contact. That’s my goal.

I totally see now how the narcissists are just trying to pick fights to get us to react so we look bad. I will never interact with them like that again. The dread and exhaustion is totally a messenger. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤

"Don't remember where I heard this, but this video reminded me of this quote "empathy with no limits is a form of self-destruction"

@DoctorRamani “Tactical Dissociation” is the best term I have heard in all of my studies of narcissistic behavior. 👏🏼

Always remember that every narc accusation is a confession. There is no need to react angrily to them because they are talking about themselves. When they say anything, just quietly and unemotionally say "oh" and walk away.

This is so true, the relationship won’t be the same after grey rocking, but it’s also so exhausting

One of the last things I remember my mother saying before she died was "I like to fight". Our house was like a circular firing squad. The point of the game was to shoot the other members of the family and do as much damage without killing them. Spouses could join but you could never leave the game. Those that would not engage were seen as pathetic wimps. What a pathetic existence.

Keeping yourself bland to avoid triggering their rage is very effective, but it comes at such a price. Losing your aliveness, spontaneity, and playful personality is usually the cost, not to mention high blood pressure, increased migraine, and more rapid aging on all fronts

Its so very hard to not react , to not want to defend yourself against the lies, character attacks, smear campaigns snd gaslighting in all forms ... but having your family /kid inducted as their flying monkey to help attack, hurt and ignore you as much as possible is the worst. I just concentrate on my healing, recovery and growth while I silently grieve the relationship that I wanted and did not get from him. His behavior and attacks are all so devious, deceitful, unfair, illegal hurtful and mean truly dispicable & shameful 💔 😢

I've gone to the point now that I don't feel anything except humor when my narcs go off. Getting to that point was definitely the hardest thing I've done but being able to watch a narc go off and finding myself watching from a distance is priceless. They can't hit a target that no longer exists. And when I start speaking calmly to them, they loose their minds. Greatest thing ever.

Thank you Dr Ramani. This is 100% true, it works. I was respectful but I remained an ISLAND they had no access to. They had no knowledge of what I was thinking or feeling. Grey rock is a road to peace.

Grey Rock Café

I grew up in a working-class Chicago neighborhood where kids of all ages interacted constantly. Though my childhood was tough, I did get to learn from older girls how to handle overly aggressive boys, who would try to interact with us without our permission. The girls simply ignored them. And unfortunately, there were a lot of guys who tried to catch girls’ attention by yelling pathetic pick up lines and catcalls. When that didn’t work, they’d resort to saying all kinds of perverted and insulting things that they hoped would pull the girl into paying attention to them. “Just ignore them” was the best advice I got and I learned how to use it in so many different ways. So I guess I’ve been gray rocking for quite some time and it probably saved me from a lot of additional narcissistic abuse.

When they try to push your buttons to bring you down. Smile try to think about all the things that make you happy and never let narcissists know that what they do or say hurts you.

Loved the term "tactical dissociation"! Reading a paragraph long rage rant from a narcissistic co-parent and then replying with a simple "Ok", is the best feeling ever. Once you do your inner healing, especially around wounds of being scapegoated and persecuted, and as a result truly see the extent of how delusional they are, the projection will trigger you less and less, and you feel like a giant reacting to an ant jumping up and down trying to hurt you.

🙏💜🇿🇦 I intuitively learnt to Gray Rock as a teenager. My first marriage, I did the screaming & fist thumping. Only when prove yourself to be loopier than them, will they stop the torment. They can drive you to insanity. Second marriage, gray rocking started after 6 years, and by 21 years, we were down to yes &no. A Widow now, it's taking me far longer to start up my own life, after having lived in a tin for most of my life. Getting there. Big elephant, small teaspoon. 😂❤

This happened with the narcissistic sister in law who purposely verbally attacked me at a family dinner because I keep boundaries with her. I was cornered and had no choice but to stand up for myself and tell her to stop. She wouldn’t stop yelling insults at me until I finally snapped and yelled back. I then had to defend and explain myself to my family as to why I finally got mad back. I have tolerated so much crap from her over the years, just not tolerating anymore. Next time hopefully I can just walk away, it’s hard when you’re cornered and attacked out of the blue. Survival and a natural defence kicks in. Giving myself lots of grace. Not believing her lies. Won’t engage again despite her trying to manipulate and control me. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤

Having support is invaluable when grey rocking. I don't think I could hold back if I didn't have someone to talk to that understood and supported. Last week, I was getting some horrific texts from my ex, we have a child together so I can't completely ignore her. I was grey rocking, only simple answers, so she kept getting worse. I was about to hit send on a very heated response to her most deplorable texts. I can take attacks on me but she went after the kids. I instead called my pastor who knows the whole situation. He listened to me vent and encouraged me to not respond and just save her texts for evidence if I need it. Remember, there is NOTHING you can say to ever get through to a narcissist. Don't respond, let them torture themselves. Everything they are saying about you, they're really feeling about themselves.

Ask them to do something for you. Something small. Something you would do for them with no hesitation. If they are narcissistic or otherwise toxic, it will ALWAYS go at least 1 of 4 ways (though sometimes these reactions may compound): They will act as though they didn’t hear you. Depending on how long you’ve been in the relationship, you may ask again. If it’s been long enough, you’re likely to drop the request right then and there. They will promise to do it, but never follow through. If you ask again or remind them, they will usually have some kind of excuse. In these cases, they will still never actually fulfill their promise. Their excuse is not a reason for lagging, it is the reason they should be absolved from all expectation whatsoever. Often this excuse will be meaningless or an outright lie.If you don’t buy their excuse, and tell them so, you will experience the wonderful segue into reaction. An argument will ensue The argument will be your fault. It could be a small back and forth contending against your request, or it might quickly devolve into them screaming at you. You never know which it will be. They might even say outright that you should never ask or expect anything from them. Usually they will express that you are asking too much, hurting them in some way (financially, emotionally, insulting them, etc), or attack your character. The argument will only end when you relinquish your request + apologize, or start ignoring them completely. If you can ignore them long enough, they may apologize to you. However, the conflict will never feel truly resolved. At this juncture they may actually end up giving you what you asked for. Often this does require you admitting that you don’t really need it, or that you would be fine with what they suggested instead. This leads us to reaction They give you what you asked for, BUT There is ALWAYS a catch. It might be small. They show up late with no apology. They buy you what you wanted, but it’s the wrong color, model, brand, etc. They take you where you wanted to go, but pressure you the whole time you’re getting ready because you’re going to be sooo late. Then they want to leave early anyway. It might be worse. They do it out of anger, and make a big display out of it to scare/hurt you. They hold it over your head until you do something for them first. Or, later on, they use it against you. “I did x for you, so you should do y for me.” No matter what, you never actually feel fulfilled, happy, or loved when they do something for you. Somehow, even from the getgo, there was this deep-seated feeling of guilt and fear, this sense that the “special” things they were doing for you weren’t so special at all. Eventually, you become afraid to ask for anything. You’ve been conditioned to believe you deserve nothing. Ironically, or not, the less demands you make, the worse you will be treated. Moreover, Catching a cheating spouse might be difficult, and knowing what local laws say you can and cannot do might be even more difficult. To simplify the process, consider hiring a private investigator to do the sleuthing for you I genuinely appreciate how incredible you are and your work! Thank you for a job well done digitalinvestigate@gmail.com

Oh oh oh I played right into his hands for years. Shouted ranted, raged, swore loudly. For about 12 years. For the next 2 years I learned about Grey rock and used it. Not perfectly. He still managed to push my buttons. Divorced and left June 2017. Not one angry day since then. I found I'm actually easy going!!!

I’m going to try to do this in court, it makes sense. Not reacting.

I've been grey rocking for about three years now and am sure that there really is a physical and mental toll to not speaking my mind. However, the toll of fruitlessly wrestling in the mud with the Narc proved to be even worse. Sooo...I choose to continue to grey rock but also address the physical toll through exercise, healthy diet and socializing with positive individuals. It's like everything else in dealing with a Narc--There really are no good solutions; Only less damaging ones.

Brilliantly said dr Ramani. There is no difference between a narcissist and someone mentally unstable who is claiming to be one. Engaging in madness gives it credence and we should not enable evil behaviour. Thank you so much. God bless you ❤

I’m still grappling with my narc’s identity and relationship to me. It’s been a challenging journey.

I can remember ‘switching off’ my emotions and reactions when walking towards my narcissistic mother. I didn’t know what it was called then, it just seemed the best way to survive. It was interesting that you used the ‘vampire’ example because when I was young I had many, many dreams that my mother and father were vampires

I need this. I need help with tactical disassociation. I do a lot of gray rocking, but I can tell that my attitude is coming through it and I don’t want that at all. Thank you so much Dr. Ramani!🤗

Not only do you not have to be bothered reacting you also end up giving them NO AMMUNITION.

Grey rock works for me It is exhausting tho

I did really a couple days ago on a lunch with him. I literally had to prep myself the whole drive there. It was a very mundane, until I accidentally did react, then it was odd, at my breif upset he smirked, yeah that put me right back on track & gray rock back on track. It has been so long since I felt proud, we are at the beginning of the end.

Thank you for the definition of gray rocking. For years, I called interactions with certain family members, "taking all the emotion out of my voice." Until, like you said, a pressure valve blows eventually, and then I was labeled unhinged and over emotional, the b word, etc. Gray rocking has now turned into no contact as I heal from years of toxic behaviors, including my own.

Thank you Dr. Ramani!!!!!!!!! NOBEL PEACE PRICE FOR YOU 🎖️ I’m in the dread & exhaustion phase now and I live with and work (gardening Thank heavens) with him also! 🎪🎬🥁💃💃💃💃💃💃💃💃

I have a family event next weekend. This is exactly what I needed. Previous gray rocking was used to fuel narcissistic rage. This makes more sense. 🤞🏼

Yes, not reacting is very powerful! My Buddhism practice gives me that power.

A family member told me when I went over for MY LAST Thanksgiving (wth those people), That was eight years ago), "Oh, well, the husband thought you had gone home." I turned around and asked them politely, "Why did your husband think I had left? I'm normally a quiet person." They dared to turn around and say, "No, you're not!" I held my poker face and didn't engage further. In my head, I was thinking to myself (Screaming at the top of my lungs), "OK, YOU"RE NOT ME You'reTELLING ME what my personality is supposed to be like?" THANKS FOR THAT

"Ok" "yes" "no" "I don't know" "that's nice" etc. are my go-to's when Gray Rocking narcs. I don't really go deeper than that. All personal information, opinions, emotions, reactions are weaponized against you, so I opt out.

Dr. Ramani, I've been opening up to my counselor about issues with my dad (alcoholic narcissist) and I've been mindfully listening to your videos. I'm a 31 year old male and just really struggling with the humiliation, invalidation, gaslighting and disappointment I've been burdened with. I appreciate you making these videos.

Rock smashes scissors. Rock rips through paper. Rock always wins.

I’ve grey rocked the flying monkeys, which really helps. No contact with the narcissists.

Dr Ramani. YOU ARE A GENIUS! thanks to you answering my question in live I was able to see my beloved aging dad first time in years, talk to him more than ever before, not engage with mother dearest and come back not absolutely broken and destroyed mentally. I owe you, my amazing therapist and my support team my sanity. I have learned so much from your videos. I'll be forever grateful. Very best wishes, g

I became a quiet mute / non reactive when I was 15 because nothing else was safe. Then got blamed for decades for never talking to family like normal anymore all my life. I guess this is different than gray rocking? I was just trying to survive as a kid, and it was a final ptsd event in the family toward me that spurred my silence. I swore I’d never be myself again. Not sure how this relates to gray rocking, but seems like it’s what ramani was talking about being careful with it, that it can be antagonistic too. Understandably, it’s taken me a few decades to heal and gather myself back.

"It's literally the hardest thing you can do." YEP. Still working on it but Dr Ramini give's me hope that I'll develop the skill. Each encounter is an opportunity to practice. Thank goodness for her and for Buddhism.

I have been trying grey rocking for couple of years now since I first have came across dr. Ramani channel. Every time I follow gray rocking, it works. Every time I react, it does not. It is helpful to me to hear it again and again, that if person 'knows with 100% certainty' my intentions, perception of things and my emotions, this person lives in la-la-land. Gaslighting gets under my skin even if I can see it now and I can name it. That is why I find this YT channel so helpful. I can come back for the reminder and clarity what is what. Thank you again, dr Ramani.

You are such a beautiful Queen Dr.Ramani! God bless!! I love you to the moon and back 🙃 thanks for everything you do for our community!

I really appreciate all the info you freely give us 🙏

For me, the perfect follow up to gray rocking is no contact. Even if the no contact stage is temporary, it’s the chance to really vent and take out all of the anger built-up from dealing with their lies and cruelty. It can be you going to the gym and doing a very vigorous workout, including kickboxing. Or it could be journaling and writing down all the things you actually feel about that person. but if you have to be in a situation long-term and need to do gray rock for your own peace of mind, it’s essential that you do find a place to vent your frustration in a safe space about that toxic individual.

I made it to the other side but don't ever think it's easy! But it's so worth it 😊

The narc wants your energy, *_ANY ENERGY! SUPER HARD FOR EMPATHS TO NOT GIVE ENERGY!_*

Taking it too far can also trigger the narcissist into interrogatory mode and put you further into the spotlight that they are glaring into your face.

I try to grey Rock but my wife chatters like a 9 year old asking circular questions as traps and nonsensical ones just to fill the air with her voice. Will ask out of nowhere "can you answer a question?" Waits 20 seconds and says "forget it." Car rides are at nightmare cuz she reads every sign. How can you grey Rock when somebody won't shut up?!! Inadvertently because of her childishness, she will make mistakes speaking describing things, general conversations. Her latest thing is "don't correct me when you know what I'm talking about!" Totally frustrating and absolutely maddening.

It means confidence. Do not answer everything 😅😂

I remember one time when a narc in my life welcomed me back from a trip & said “I have something to tell you, but I’ll wait til you’re well rested in the morning”. I was like, “oh, why not tell me now?” & they refused so I went to bed & knew they were gonna say that they were moving out. Then the next morning when I was about to leave the house they were like, “so I’m gonna move out” & I was like, “oh, ok… see ya” & she was STUNNED. Didn’t move while I walked out the door LOL.

I am finding the narcissistic person in my life enjoys greyrocking me. It provokes me. I have given him oxygen. This was supposed to be my tool! I will try the advanced method!

I love gray rocking. I practice it.

Brilliant. You're so good at knowing what fine tuning we need and when, Dr. Ramani. Thank you!

Dr Ramani. Thank you for your books. Now I have something to give to my friends who are enduring narcissistic abuse. You can’t just call it out, and it’s always more complicated than you think, but you still want to help. Now we have a starting place for opening up a conversation. I hand them the book and say, “just read it. Even if it’s not your situation, there are answers in the book.”

Misery loves company. They try to pull you into their head-space of constant misery they have to live in everyday and try to feed off your emotions to make THEM feel better. By staying calm, quiet and collected, sabotages their agenda because they don't know how to handle it. I used it often on him by just giving him a stare and it worked well for me. Thank you, Dr. Ramani.

They take your reaction and use it to make you look bad to others. I couldn’t get angry but they could. They had everyone else convinced I was the problem. Surely by now that I’ve been gone a lot of people know the truth.

One of the ways that I am able to not get sucked in to the narcissistic person’s fight trap is to pause and not immediately accepting the premise of their fight bait. Take a moment to think about what is being said and evaluate it for yourself. I am a chronic pain, autoimmune disordered, fawner stress ball. My mom is highly reactive and fights dirty for prolonged periods of time. I’m the oldest kid and got her unbridled nastiness as she cut her parenting teeth on me. I bottled more emotions than I expressed and we fought a lot.

When the narcissist really started to zoom in on me and tried to bring out my worst response (always in front of family and friends), I instinctively grey rocked. I think I was in shock and I'm not usually a confrontational person. After a while, she decided I wasnt worth her efforts and discarded me. Of course it wasn't that easy, she had to discredit me and make it look like she was the victim. She was devious, but I feel grateful to be out of her circle.

Thank you Dr Ramani ❤

Tactical disassociation.... Perfectly said

Just got together with my brother and family, and I gray rocked like crazy. My jaw started aching like I had been clenching my teeth. That night I couldn’t sleep because of the jaw pain and anxiety from all the things I wanted to say but knew I couldn’t. I learned something: the lesser the communication, the better.

I practised grey rocking with my mom on the phone. She seighted: ”You’re so weird now!” She tried to pump up information from me and I just was a ”grey rock”.

I thought I invented grey rocking when I was a child in 1956 dealing with my mother 😂. You’re so right. It works well. One day, in my 50s, doing my usual grey rocking, I saw clearly that she didn’t love me and wouldn’t change. Sad but freeing. You’re also right that it takes great energy and takes its toll.

Gray Rock has been my go to for years. When I get text, I reply cleaning the toilets or cooking dinner. It didn't work once before because the narcissist told me I shouldn't buy meat because I couldn't afford it. Good Lord you can't win but someone asked me how I dealt with certain people I told them about the toliets and we laughed.

Dr Ramani, I am so very grateful for your generous, knowledgeable and caring support for those of us struggling to understand, navigate, leave and recover from these toxic relationships. I have finally acknowledged that I really do not deserve this kind of treatment. Recently I had to euthanize my beloved old cat. It became clear that I was not only walking around on eggshells for me but also for my cat being a cat. Despite being an animal lover, she would yell at my boy when she was annoyed with his non-problematic behavior. I was afraid to leave on a getaway for myself, because I didn’t trust her to be kind to my boy. Now, I have scheduled in at least a month away by myself in hopes that I can figure out how to disintangle myself from her and our situation. Interestingly, she has started therapy and is being extra nice to me. I think she knows what’s coming. Anyway, I continue to use your nuanced information and encouragement to work toward freeing myself. You mean so much to so many of us.

Grey rock is a new phrase in my nearly acquired narc vocabulary. This is so invaluable. It will be challenging but I can see the merit. Thanks Dr Ramani and people who’ve left comments before me

I don't have a relationship with my children because of lies religious abusers refuse to reveal. If the liars were just affecting me, that would be different, I could just walk away. I wake up to this nightmare daily and have done for over a decade. I have lost so many in my life because of it. People tell me to 'move on' and I say to where without my children? It's beyond cruel. I have tried to get help from so many people. The liars who have affected my children are convinced I'm guilty of something when I'm not. I will NEVER heal without my children. They have been affected by the liars who hate me and divided me for no reason.

I get called "cold" and "narcissistic" when I don't engage!

Gray rocking has saved me, and it is causing a narcissistic collapse in my partner. I still have empathy and compassion for him, inside. I work hard to not react. It saves my energy, but it's definitely causing him a "come to Jesus" moment. There's almost no one left in his flying monkey club.

One note: I've never met a table-pounder who wasn't a control-freak of some sort (narcissistic or otherwise). When someone does that, I just leave and don't look back. Today it's the table, tomorrow it's your head. Every time.

I slipped away from gray rocking recently and deeply regretted it. My ex was being grateful towards me and I let my guard down. Then he was right back to being obnoxious about a current affairs topic: a strike at my former employer. I wish I had stuck to neutral topics.

I think of gray rocking as finding my inner peace. It is not so much a battle tactic as it is a reminder that I am my own person and I can find a centered place within me that the Narc cannot take away. I gray rock when I am having a load of crap thrown at me, and I don’t share anything that can be weaponized against me later, and I remind myself that I do indeed have my own identity and my own way of doing things and my own thoughts. Gray rocking brings me back to myself, and that brings me peace.

Gray rock is one of the tools in my journey of healing (tool box) from narsists. Each tool used was never wasted in time and emotion. It has brought me to a place of indifference. Without anger. With a new understanding of myself and the narcissist. Each step is as important as the one just learned. Then……….”snip”

I was walking to my home with my phone on speaker. A neighbor walked towards me with an enraged look. As I continued to walk I turned down the volume. It took a while to realize she was making a fantasy crisis out of my phone volume. I felt afraid until I figured it out.

After the grief comes clarity. 😊

I just give my mother a blank stare when she criticises/abuses me. Then I get on out of there. I truly do not care any more…

Rock 'n Role, baby. i'm from Cle, home of rock 'n roll hall of fame, and longtime narc survivor. when you say rock, i say roll, but here, i mean role. when i would gray rock, years ago, without knowing it would someday have a name, i noticed our roles switched for just a moment, and my role became the one in control and he couldn't stand it. and would leave. perfect.

⭐Advanced Grey Rock Activate ⭐

I have trained my mind to ask this question "why are they doing this?" As soon as they do something bad to me. They are, compulsive by their personality. I cannot help them. I cannot explain to them. Not my problem. It makes so easy it to deal with them. I can move on do whatever I was doing. Sometimes it takes a day to recover, but atleast I am able to get back.

Thank you so much for this video. Your analogy of a person who is completely delusional helped me understand this so much better.

I used gray rocking years before I knew that anyone else had done this (my older brother was the main narcissist bully)! My rules: minimum communication, no emotion, no crying! Sometimes I would act as though the narcissist was invisible! Working great! But also ... the dynamics of my family changed in unexpected ways. I was asked if I was sick. I thought I had unacceptable power! I thought I had gone insane! If I could have found support outside of my family, that would have helped a lot. Thank you, Dr. Ramani, for helping me sort through this even years later.

I recently used the Gray Rock technique with my narcissistic neighbor. Around mid-May, she sent me a meme via text, prefaced it with that she hoped me and my husband found it funny, but it was actually a meme that ridiculed my husband. My first reaction was to send a msg saying “f-u”, but I resisted….instead, I just didn’t respond. I showed it to my husband, and said I did not respond to it, and I wouldn’t. He wasn’t happy about being made fun of in that way. He’s not a confrontational person, so I know he ignored it as well. Not long after that I went out of town for 3 weeks. When I got back, my husband and I were eating dinner, trading stories of what I did while I was away, and things that happened at the home/neighborhood in my absence. My husband said that this neighbor was driving by and stopped to say something to the effect that she didn’t realize we were “so sensitive” and got angry at the meme she had sent. My husband said he thought I said I wasn’t going to respond. I told him I didn’t. He was confused why she acted as if I had responded in an angry way and then mocked me/us for getting angry because “it was just a joke” and words about how we need to get a sense of humor. So, the Gray Rock didn’t work in this case. I believe she sent the meme ‘as a joke” with the true intention of upsetting us, and when we didn’t respond that way….she just imagined that we did. I’m not upset with my husband at all. He doesn’t quite understand these types of behaviors in people like I’ve come to learn. It just riled me up a bit that she got him to say that we weren’t angry and acknowledge to her that we understood it as a joke…..when neither was really true. I don’t like that she knows she can manipulate him in this way. I’m at a point in my life where I just don’t feel the need to “humor” narcissists anymore, especially when there isn’t a reward in it for me. With this neighbor, when her BS starts, it just invites more BS. I want nothing to do with her, and she doesn’t have any sort of power over me. We just want to be left alone. Telling her that directly, early on, just made her try to insert herself into our lives even more. She’s only lived in the neighborhood about 2 months more than we have (we both bought homes in 2022). The only real motivation she has to drive us bananas is that she is upset that our home wasn’t up for sale when the house she bought was on the market. She wants our home (it’s much newer, bigger, bigger property). The first time I met her she proposed “trading houses”. She apparently told another neighbor that she’s going to get us to move, and sell at a loss, and then she’ll snap up our house and sell the one she bought in the first place. It’s all stupid and childish. Life’s too short for this nonsense.

Yes, so true, a small facial expression can also become supply for the narcissist. Grey rock means no expression too. Really just stare and talking about something else, move on to the next thing. I figured this out on my own before Dr. Ramani told me ☺️ She has already trained me how to deal with new situation with her videos❤

In therapy this week my therapist and I stumbled on a remarkably accurate analogy that my mum is the Child Snatcher in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. It was an epiphany moment for me. For years she had been “luring” my inner child to her “candy cart” by being “a loving mum”, but ultimately there is always a cage of hurt beneath it. Not reacting to her “lures” or “rages”, if I say no, is like always seeing the cage and not falling for the candy. Gray rock method I see as my adult self protecting the child from running towards and being captured by the candy sweets promise of the Child Snatcher. I’ve even changed her name on my phone to this and put an ice cream van tone to it so I can be aware and warned of her arrival. Your videos are a real source of help. Thank you ❤

Narcissistic people are highly transactional & always trying to get the best deal. Suppose we look @ the lies, the rage, etc as yet another salespitch & not reacting as not buying or not even needing the deal.

This is so true. I finally learned how to gray-rock my narcissister. She just "turned up the volume" and said meaner things about me. All in front of her friends and family. That's when I decided to go no-contact.

I m so tired of grey rocking my husband he gets angry and then I give in to his drama.

It can take a few failed attempts and definitely some practice. With an ndp family member, I try to keep it upbeat and just say, "oh, good." Or, 'hmm,' with a slight smile in sympathy, or 'ohh' as if they're confusing me (if they ramp it up), and then I get busy or distracted. It would be too much to say, 'oh, really?' I let there be no perceived challenge or invitation for them to keep talking. Bottom line is, I have to keep interactions as brief as possible and make sure there are reliable witnesses in the room, so they will generally behave. I also try to see the overriding themes when they talk. They like pushing the theme that I'm the outsider, or ostracized. 'You probably don't know this, but...' So I tell myself, there she goes again. It can be subtle messaging, but it still doesn't require much of a response. They keep pushing the same old buttons. I see them as an old sticky computer program running without any upgrades.

Tactical disassociation ❤ I love it! Step back and emotionally detach from their insanity. Disengagement is self love. Freedom is bliss!

Wow, you just helped me figure out how to stop trying to prove someone wrong by using the Napoleon example.

Hi Dr. Ramani, I'd like to thank you. The narcissists in my life are a few of my band mates. Through your videos you have given me tools to see through their narratives and the mental fortitude to keep my sanity together. My time with these people is on a countdown, indeed. Much appreciated, from Brazil 💚

❤ love the book 😍