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4 classic SAFETY BEHAVIORS of people in narcissistic relationships

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DoctorRamani

DoctorRamani

Күн бұрын

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Пікірлер: 319
@jw6842
@jw6842 Ай бұрын
What I've learned is that you can be as careful with your words as humanly possible, and it still won't make a difference; they'll still find a reason to get annoyed, mad, whatever. They're looking for a reason to be mad, they're searching for a reason to belittle you, etc. You can't win. This is a game where you're destined to lose if you continue to play. The only way you can "win" with these people is to leave. Walking on eggshells is a nightmare. I never realized that dealing with one person could be so exhausting.
@kristinmeyer489
@kristinmeyer489 Ай бұрын
They're little Napoleons and Hitlers, who dictate what others get, are, and screw us thru insisting on foisting their realities on us. I had my life STOLEN. LITERALLY.
@truthseeker-mk4rt
@truthseeker-mk4rt Ай бұрын
They Like to Fight...🚩🚩🚩 They WANT to get an emotional reaction out of you...🚩🚩🚩 So they'll prod and provoke until they do...🚩🚩🚩 Then they'll play the "victim"😢 ... when you react...😳 They go from victimizer to victim...🚩🚩🚩 That's Their Cycle...🚩🚩🚩 Because it "works for them"...🚩🚩🚩 🚨 That's the manipulation & control they feed on 🚩🚩🚩
@Shadowman...
@Shadowman... Ай бұрын
So true~ I once said to my sister " You should eat Lara bars, there pretty healthy " just said it to make conversation- Her response - " I don't care about your Lara bars, I wont be getting one" Tone of voice is everything. She said it in a snappy aggressive resentful way. They are all such damaged jealous punk bastards.
@montanabirdmommy
@montanabirdmommy Ай бұрын
This has been my experience, too. It was never about us, it was about regulating their own emotions through raging.
@kristinmeyer489
@kristinmeyer489 Ай бұрын
@@montanabirdmommy If you had been literally hunted, stalked, and violated more than Erin Andrews was, when with her CREDIBILITY, she was able to sue and peruse the justice system AS IT WAS INTENDED TO BE PERUSED and this was INTENDED TO REWIRE YOUR BRAIN, SO THAT OTHERS WOULD BELIEVE EVERY NASTY THING PUT OUT ABOUT YOU, THEN YOU, TOO WOULD KNOW WHAT IT IS LIKE TO BE LITERALLY CONDEMNED BY PSYCHOPATHS AND BULLIES WHO ENGAGE IN THE VERY CRIMINAL BEHAVIOR THEY SUCCESSFULLY ACCUSE YOU OF OUT IN YOUR TURNED HOSTILE "COMMUNITY." MINE WANT ME TO LOSE WEIGHT FOR SEX WITH STRANGERS. EVIL DOESN'T EVEN COME CLOSE TO DESCRIBING IT.
@kmduarte2005
@kmduarte2005 Ай бұрын
Narcissists force you to take a test you’ll never pass. It’s a game where you’re setup to fail because the goal posts are always moving.
@dianearrington6666
@dianearrington6666 4 күн бұрын
I too, am challenged, but conversing with a new acquaintance on line, and constantly asking for cyberspace safety. As well as reassurance and questioning. It feels terrible. 31:38
@dianearrington6666
@dianearrington6666 4 күн бұрын
The first online prior ghosting contact after 3.5 years. 32:50😣
@sushmayen
@sushmayen Ай бұрын
Even if you please them and do everything to make them happy they don't care about you. They use you and throw you away.
@happyday3368
@happyday3368 Ай бұрын
And they never remember all the things you did for them. Every day, they press the reset button - you can never please them - they always want more and more.
@yukio_saito
@yukio_saito Ай бұрын
The more you please them, the more use you. They dispose of you if you are depleted.
@kb9982
@kb9982 Ай бұрын
Was. Mine won't throw me away...ugh When I did leave- I got pulled back by 🤬 hopism...
@NarcSurvivor
@NarcSurvivor Ай бұрын
Once you’ve been involved with a narcissist, it may make you paranoid and distrustful. You may feel like you can’t depend on anyone. Or as though the next person will betray you as well. You almost anticipate it. Because you’ve experienced it so many times with the narcissist.
@BL-sd2qw
@BL-sd2qw Ай бұрын
Actually, this is on the kyriarchic system we live in.
@cherrybacon3319
@cherrybacon3319 Ай бұрын
I would find myself being very judgemental of any nan whi comes up to me and starts talking, looking for signs of a first Red Flag so I could walk away without feeling guilty.
@tlove6932
@tlove6932 Ай бұрын
Trust issues for sure 💯💯💯
@SnacckyChanT
@SnacckyChanT Ай бұрын
Yep. It's me🫠
@lauracicero-miller3238
@lauracicero-miller3238 Ай бұрын
Yes, this is so true, also you see narc trades in people..... I run and stay away! I have been in the mud with these people! Run ! Run for your life
@jodycasey6936
@jodycasey6936 Ай бұрын
I like to wake up early morning, when I have the house to myself. I make a cup of coffee, I go sit outside on the patio, I watch the birds and wait for your (daily) video to drop. Thank you thank you thank you!🙏🏻
@jellybean-ky1ip
@jellybean-ky1ip Ай бұрын
Thats what I do too.
@carolgonzales4262
@carolgonzales4262 Ай бұрын
Oh yes! Coffee and my dogs... an amazing morning start! 6 yrs free after 50!
@cecillebalignasay7358
@cecillebalignasay7358 Ай бұрын
❤❤❤
@melissadykstra5921
@melissadykstra5921 Ай бұрын
So beautiful ❤
@cherrybacon3319
@cherrybacon3319 Ай бұрын
He was always suspicious (Projection) and moody with me whenever I did that as if I was sneaking off to meet someone (another Projection). I dud it anyway and enjoyed the Sunshine and if he discarded me because of that I left quietly and calmly, not reacting. Then blocked the Mother F....r because I'd had enough.
@user-zs7xh6ot4u
@user-zs7xh6ot4u Ай бұрын
"Do they like it when we walk on eggshells" - I think it depends on their mood. Sometimes it makes them feel powerful, but sometimes it triggers them because it suggests that they aren't a nice person and have to be "handled".
@Ayaime7
@Ayaime7 Ай бұрын
❤ that oscillation. Hoover discard rage. Hoover from mr nice guy floor sweep humiliate. Then rage. Its like they expect forgiveness. Why arent you smiling be better let go of the past grow up... it happened yesterday. Mine actually tried to hoover me with a photo that highlighted the day after i got thrown around. I miss you i want this back. I wish i had taken more pictures. True effing story theyre merciless. So why should i have had as much mercy and hope even after with coparenting with a sadist
@rachael_grey
@rachael_grey 28 күн бұрын
Exactly. The very first time (after 23 years) I suggested that he might have done something unethical, he soothed me by swearing that if he HAD lied out of shame, he would tell me. He was sweet-voiced and seemed sincere. He used every bit of my trust to make me believe him. Two days later, he verbally attacked me in a way I had never, ever experienced before in my 50+ years. He shouted at me that he clearly couldn't trust me any longer because I had entertained the thought that perhaps he had lied to me (he had, and about far, far more than this single case). I had betrayed him by thinking he could be capable of unethical behavior. He claimed that I thought he was a terrible person no matter what "kind spin" I placed on it. I felt so shocked and ashamed and guilty, despite also knowing I wasn't just concocting my suspicion from anger or jealousy. I assured him that I believed he was a good person who told a fib out of shame that then escalated. I apologized again and again. Things were never entirely okay after that, and eventually became *overtly* emotionally abusive.
@JaneSmith.9941
@JaneSmith.9941 28 күн бұрын
THIS
@user-ye4tx2bj6s
@user-ye4tx2bj6s Ай бұрын
Ask them to do something for you. Something small. Something you would do for them with no hesitation. If they are narcissistic or otherwise toxic, it will ALWAYS go at least 1 of 4 ways (though sometimes these reactions may compound): They will act as though they didn’t hear you. Depending on how long you’ve been in the relationship, you may ask again. If it’s been long enough, you’re likely to drop the request right then and there. They will promise to do it, but never follow through. If you ask again or remind them, they will usually have some kind of excuse. In these cases, they will still never actually fulfill their promise. Their excuse is not a reason for lagging, it is the reason they should be absolved from all expectation whatsoever. Often this excuse will be meaningless or an outright lie.If you don’t buy their excuse, and tell them so, you will experience the wonderful segue into reaction. An argument will ensue The argument will be your fault. It could be a small back and forth contending against your request, or it might quickly devolve into them screaming at you. You never know which it will be. They might even say outright that you should never ask or expect anything from them. Usually they will express that you are asking too much, hurting them in some way (financially, emotionally, insulting them, etc), or attack your character. The argument will only end when you relinquish your request + apologize, or start ignoring them completely. If you can ignore them long enough, they may apologize to you. However, the conflict will never feel truly resolved. At this juncture they may actually end up giving you what you asked for. Often this does require you admitting that you don’t really need it, or that you would be fine with what they suggested instead. This leads us to reaction They give you what you asked for, BUT There is ALWAYS a catch. It might be small. They show up late with no apology. They buy you what you wanted, but it’s the wrong color, model, brand, etc. They take you where you wanted to go, but pressure you the whole time you’re getting ready because you’re going to be sooo late. Then they want to leave early anyway. It might be worse. They do it out of anger, and make a big display out of it to scare/hurt you. They hold it over your head until you do something for them first. Or, later on, they use it against you. “I did x for you, so you should do y for me.” No matter what, you never actually feel fulfilled, happy, or loved when they do something for you. Somehow, even from the getgo, there was this deep-seated feeling of guilt and fear, this sense that the “special” things they were doing for you weren’t so special at all. Eventually, you become afraid to ask for anything. You’ve been conditioned to believe you deserve nothing. Ironically, or not, the less demands you make, the worse you will be treated. Moreover, Catching a cheating spouse might be difficult, and knowing what local laws say you can and cannot do might be even more difficult. To simplify the process, consider hiring a private investigator to do the sleuthing for you I genuinely appreciate how incredible you are and your work! Thank you for a job well done digitalinvestigate@gmail.com
@JaneSmith.9941
@JaneSmith.9941 28 күн бұрын
Option 5 - they are the HERO for doing whatever it is, even if it's something most people would do without even thinking about it, and you must recognize how amazing they are or they then become the unappreciated victim.
@dawn7733
@dawn7733 Ай бұрын
The covert narc man I married both likes and hates me walking on eggshells. He likes it to feel he has power over me when he's intimidating me into compliance and then hates it because it makes him feel like a bad person because he's being feared by me when he doesn't want to be, which bruises his ego of wanting to feel like a VIP that everyone should love and look up to. 🤡🤡🙄
@clericoflight476
@clericoflight476 Ай бұрын
Yes! Answering the question from the beginning of the video was so difficult for me because my XH seemed to both love and hate me walking on eggshells, depending on the day
@dawn7733
@dawn7733 Ай бұрын
​@@clericoflight476exactly
@cnhsugarr
@cnhsugarr Ай бұрын
Yes! I’m glad you said this! So spot on… they know you need to tip toe around them but it makes them feel ashamed. But instead of apologizing and changing the behavior, they just pout more and get mad at you!
@user-lo8wm4ji2k
@user-lo8wm4ji2k Ай бұрын
Spot on - this is the dynamic with everything with them. There is no winning or doing anything right.
@antheredhen
@antheredhen Ай бұрын
Pout. Mine doesn't yell or rage. He pouts then continually throw back a truth he didn't like that I said..
@Truthteller1s
@Truthteller1s Ай бұрын
They always find reasons to rage. It makes them feel better about the awful things they do behind your back. " I wouldn't have to do 'blank', if you hadn't done 'blank'. " 🤬
@melissadykstra5921
@melissadykstra5921 Ай бұрын
Radical acceptance that they will always blame you for their actions…. The mental gymnastics, they must have to play to rationalize how nothing they ever do is their fault….. It makes me wonder how sucky and exhausting it must be to be them The absolute powerlessness to feel like you have no control over your actions because other people always caused them … It seriously does suck to be them But I think it sucks for us more ❤️‍🩹😢
@Just_ice_forvictims
@Just_ice_forvictims Ай бұрын
I’m serving my silent treatment literally. My husband told me that he’ll shut me down until I learn to be quiet. Week has passed and I do not miss his contact at all 😂. Treatment may continue.
@tinadixon8186
@tinadixon8186 Ай бұрын
I don’t know you, but I know you don’t deserve that treatment. Your voice is as valid. But stay safe however you can 🤗
@Just_ice_forvictims
@Just_ice_forvictims Ай бұрын
@@tinadixon8186 what’s weird about this is that I know I don’t deserve any of this shit neither I would “allow this relationship happen” to any of my loved ones and still… There’s so much staff that I could write a book or a play about it. I’m on my way out so it’s easier to joke about it. It wasn’t funny a bit during the last 4 years. Thanks Tina for your kind words ❤️
@kikiypsilanti_theMindSurgeon
@kikiypsilanti_theMindSurgeon Ай бұрын
Use his silent treatment as a (painful ) reminder to conquer your own fears around rejection, abandonment by diving deep into your traumas and then you will find yourself firewalling him with his own weapons (silent treatments) without feeling sick or overwhelmed - until you finally make The decision of your life dear. That's what I did. Much ❤
@marjorietoor4665
@marjorietoor4665 Ай бұрын
My husband does the 3 day’s silent treatment that can go on for weeks. I’m so used to it now that before the silent treatment starts I ask if he’s not talking to me for 3 or more days. Then I go on my happy way. No talking means no meal prep, no contact in any way and I enjoy the quiet time as if it were a mini vacation. 😊
@MT-ij4kd
@MT-ij4kd Ай бұрын
Yes, enjoy your peace!!
@nisc1091
@nisc1091 Ай бұрын
I am in the stage of planning my way out with my kids after 15 years of this hell. I love to listen to your videos over and over for support and to give me the push to keep going, thank you, God bless Dr. Ramani
@janetamplin7318
@janetamplin7318 Ай бұрын
❤..gather your legal papers birth cert..house. marriage cert bank record. Get a spare set of car house keys.......enough. grab a bag clothes. ....only you. You.only well know when to leave..do not tell anyone....
@turnbacktime65
@turnbacktime65 Ай бұрын
Janet’s right. Keep it secret. Pack go bags for the kids, too. Take precious things. Get out first and then tell him. That way you are all safe. He can’t use the kids to control you. Sending you hugs and strength from a sister. 😊❤❤
@Rickettsia505
@Rickettsia505 Ай бұрын
Prepaid visa, cash, and copies of ID in the Go bag. Medications.
@SnacckyChanT
@SnacckyChanT Ай бұрын
same here! I hope you are able to get out safely! im luckily not married to mine, we are just living together and not together but they threaten you with the kids. Did yours threaten custody or joint custody?
@erinward2983
@erinward2983 Ай бұрын
It's not like the narcissist suddenly turned on me and became a narcissist - they were always that way, always doing horrible things. It took me decades to understand and see the situation clearly. That's the gaslighting and indoctrinating. Realizing it wasn't what I thought shattered my trust. When you don't know what's in front of you because you've been played so well, trusting can feel dangerous because, really, it might have come to be that way. Even when you didn't know it was. This isn't simple stuff to understand. Especially when those who hurt us were close to us and hurt us a lot, over a long period of time. It's a process, I think.
@MrsEd-fh2gs
@MrsEd-fh2gs Ай бұрын
Put up or shut up. Grin and bear it. Leave well enough alone. Loose lips sink ships. Don't rock the boat. These are the things I've heard a lot in my narcissistic relationships and toxic work environments.
@AnnaAtl
@AnnaAtl Ай бұрын
Yep. I got " keep your head down"
@kld70
@kld70 28 күн бұрын
I got “Go along to get along” and “Don’t sweat the small stuff”.
@erinward2983
@erinward2983 Ай бұрын
We lose so much to shutting ourselves down. Too much.
@peacemakers6316
@peacemakers6316 Ай бұрын
no it is very annoying for them. when I was scared my ex husband used to become a monster. ironically, asking me "why are you looking at me like I am a monster!!!!!!" he would yell.
@Lilrumbles
@Lilrumbles Ай бұрын
Possibly not annoyance but more of a predatory behavior as he “smells blood” your vulnerability just might ignite his desire to destroy you and toy with you. He might be a psychopath/narcissist. They are diabolical. Mine might as well have killed me.
@MichaelBroder
@MichaelBroder Ай бұрын
My ex never really said I was wrong about anything. He didn’t have to. That idea that narcissists say “my way or the highway.” My ex never did that. My ex just said “my way” and left me to figure out the rest- namely, that my only choices were to concede or leave. But I didn’t want to leave. I didn’t think I was supposed to leave. I didn’t think I needed to leave. But I was wrong. I DID need to leave and it took me 20 years to figure that out.
@RobinSpeer
@RobinSpeer Ай бұрын
It doesn't matter what you do or how much you do, narcs love chaos and confusion so one day they love you're walking on egg shells other days they rage because you're walking on egg shells. One thing is for sure, once you realize what type of person you are dealing with, you will never be able to unsee it. Thank you Dr. Ramani, these videos are massive help navigating these relationships.
@anniefinsilver6707
@anniefinsilver6707 Ай бұрын
exactly! once you know, you can’t see it or on it. It’s power. Do you know what’s going on now.
@dk5755
@dk5755 Ай бұрын
I discovered that the longer I walked on eggshells and only did small talk or discussed the weather (even the subject of weather would become a disagreement), I internalized my anger and became depressed and anxious, to the point of wanting to unalive myself. He encouraged me to do so, or even threatened he’d do it himself. I became exhausted being a chameleon to appease him. I knew at that point I had to get out once and for all. Up until then I thought I could just cope if things stayed the same. It only got worse, just like experts in the subject proclaim.
@sarahodom7091
@sarahodom7091 Ай бұрын
That's horrifying he encouraged you to unalive yourself! I've seen that though. My last narc, something happened where it became apparent he was fantasizing about getting me to commit suicide. Of course not. But he was fantasizing about it, it would make him feel powerful. I had to explain to a cousin that she and other family members may feel like it's my moral duty to commit suicide, but NO, there's no way. I actually had to explain to my cousin that NO, I would not commit suicide to please her or the rest of the family.
@damionk3258
@damionk3258 Ай бұрын
I would not recommend the course that I took. Reflecting on the abuses I endured, I realised that there wan't much left that they could do short of killing me, so I stopped walking on eggshells, lauighed at attempts of intimidation or threats and drew a hard line in the sand at any gaslighting or manipulation. After many conversations trying to get to the bottom of their reasoning for my abuse, I discovered that they just don't see themselves in that way, they rewrite their memories to fit their narrative, they find weird and wonderful ways to justify their behavour and rationalise their lies and deceptions.
@Star_Light_4
@Star_Light_4 Ай бұрын
My experience is that they DONT like it because they like to think they are easygoing and chill when they are not. In the past when I told him I tiptoe around him he got upset about it and didn’t want to believe he was difficult to live with, then said I was of course!
@LibraryBP2
@LibraryBP2 Ай бұрын
We walk on eggshells because we need a moment of peace. If you never have empathy shown to you, the only way to have comfort is to avoid their tantrums ,their sulking and silent treatment at all costs. Sad, but they don't change.
@t_nels
@t_nels Ай бұрын
'Psychological Hostage'
@MB-gb7lt
@MB-gb7lt Ай бұрын
I left my family behind due to a narcissistic mother, however, they have a whole network of flying monkeys who harass at work, out in the community, at church. I left the church. I work in a job where I have little contact with people and I no longer go to family gatherings or have any person to person contact with them. I CANT GET AWAY FROM THEM! My hatred for them grows daily and this is affect me in a deeply profound way. I need help.
@ruthstolz7127
@ruthstolz7127 Ай бұрын
GET. THE. HELL. OUT.! Thank you, Dr. Ramani and peace, safety and blessings to everyone here😊
@user-sp4eh6vj8u
@user-sp4eh6vj8u Ай бұрын
Not easy
@user-sp4eh6vj8u
@user-sp4eh6vj8u Ай бұрын
Not easy
@unomeecj
@unomeecj Ай бұрын
😢
@bekind7288
@bekind7288 Ай бұрын
One of the most healing things is no longer needing to communicate with him. A short text on occasion from him and a short response. The more he's out of my life the stronger I get. Thank God ❤
@yukio_saito
@yukio_saito Ай бұрын
Yes. I no longer pick up a phone from someone suspicious. I'm cautious about recruiter outreaches even while I'm unemployed. I also minimized my friend circle. ⭕😁😊
@JaneSmith.9941
@JaneSmith.9941 28 күн бұрын
😔 I left most my friends circle. Due to the stalking I had to abandon all social media and anyone who wouldn't switch to Signal for messaging. After years I'm trying to get back out into life. So far I've got like 5 FB friends. I'm comfortable with that for now.
@hodamawlawi512
@hodamawlawi512 Ай бұрын
0:17 You walk on eggshells 7:53 You can't be yourself around them 15:57 You silence yourself 23:51 Trust gets lost
@jenreiter8580
@jenreiter8580 Ай бұрын
Yes, I think they love it when they make you walk on eggshells. It makes them feel in control. Then followed by silence.
@deannaclayton6934
@deannaclayton6934 Ай бұрын
Yes. Chaos is name of their game plan.
@lisapotts7960
@lisapotts7960 Ай бұрын
Yes, I think they do like it when we walk on eggs shells. It gives them more power and control.
@Alanbromwich
@Alanbromwich Ай бұрын
When it comes to narcissistic abuse, it's crucial to focus on understanding the dynamics of the abusive relationship and the impact it has on the victim, rather than making assumptions or generalizations about their behavior. Narcissistic abuse can have a profound and complex effect on victims, often leading to emotional trauma, low self-esteem, and a distorted sense of self-worth. It can erode trust, create feelings of isolation, and manipulate the victim's perception of reality. Some victims of narcissistic abuse may struggle with maintaining healthy boundaries, trusting others, or recognizing their own value. In some cases, individuals who have experienced narcissistic abuse may engage in behaviors that are out of character, including cheating or seeking validation outside the relationship. These behaviors can be a response to the emotional turmoil and manipulation they have endured. It's important to approach this with compassion and understand that these actions may stem from a desire for validation, escape, or a misguided attempt to regain a sense of control or self-worth. However, it's essential to note that not all victims of narcissistic abuse engage in infidelity or seek external validation. Each individual responds to abuse differently, and their actions may vary depending on their coping mechanisms, personal values, and circumstances. If you or someone you know has experienced narcissistic abuse, it is crucial to seek support from professionals such as therapists or counselors who specialize in trauma and relationship dynamics. They can provide guidance, healing strategies, and help rebuild a healthy sense of self-worth and trust. Remember, the effects of narcissistic abuse are complex, and the healing process is unique to each individual. Judgment and assumptions can hinder the understanding and support that victims need. Providing empathy, compassion, and access to appropriate resources can contribute to the healing journey and empower survivors to rebuild their lives. Additionally, If you need to find out about a cheating narc; send a request to: Metaspyhub@gmail. com
@olgaandreeva1210
@olgaandreeva1210 Ай бұрын
Thank you for your work, dear Doctor Ramani! ❤ Knowledge is a weapon! Rescuing weapon!🙏
@jw6842
@jw6842 Ай бұрын
Geez Louise, once again, Dr Ramani hits the nail on the head! You do bring your actual self to the relationship at your own peril! When I first met my narc, I was excited to get to know her and have her know me; I wanted to share my interests and thoughts and fears and dreams. But over time, I gradually learned that opening up was a recipe for disaster. If your interests or feelings aren't being openly derided or torn apart, they're being ignored or diminished. After a while, you learn to keep quiet bc you think that's what they want, but then they deride you for being "boring" or "closed-off." It's like they want you to talk about yourself so they can remind you of how little they care; to have an opportunity to put you in your place. Narcs want it every way and aren't satisfied with anything.
@jenniferrivera1265
@jenniferrivera1265 Ай бұрын
YES, I think they like the control.
@DzsM-rz7gu
@DzsM-rz7gu Ай бұрын
The problem is that after they tried to destroying the true self...nobody wants to showing it's true self again as it would be only a next destruction and rebuilding. Honestly I don't think the world nowdays deserves true selves.
@tillaeulenspiegel9281
@tillaeulenspiegel9281 Ай бұрын
But we do...
@youngblood8540
@youngblood8540 Ай бұрын
It's Halloween every day for narcissists. We ask the wrong questions when we're dating. Instead of asking, "What's your favorite color?", we should be asking, "What temperature do you like it in the house?" and how do you like to sleep? Do you like to cuddle or do you like to sleep on a diagonal with your feet stuck up my butt?" 😅😂
@awomen1072
@awomen1072 Ай бұрын
I asked those ,it didn't help a covert from the beginning.
@peace11-111
@peace11-111 Ай бұрын
exactlyyyy
@kitty.k1924
@kitty.k1924 Ай бұрын
@@youngblood8540 Ha ha ha!😁😉🙂
@JaneSmith.9941
@JaneSmith.9941 28 күн бұрын
Doesn't matter what you ask, or look for, or try to avoid - when mirroring is their strength.
@anniefinsilver6707
@anniefinsilver6707 Ай бұрын
Finding your podcast and understanding narcissism was truly healing for me. I realize that my husband of 20 years is a full-blown narcissist and his constant raging, belittling me, emotional, and financial abuse makes complete sense now. it’s like I’ve been walking around in a dark closet and I finally found a the light switch. now that I know and feel validated I can move on with much more information and strength. Thank you, thank you thank you 😊
@precisiongrinder
@precisiongrinder Ай бұрын
“You don’t trust other people and you don’t trust yourself…” …a sign post appears, “Welcome to Hermitude”…
@vicihigby269
@vicihigby269 Ай бұрын
This empath has perfected my masks❤
@nataliesirota2611
@nataliesirota2611 Ай бұрын
Yes! I believe they love it when we walk on eggshells, it feeds their supply.
@pinkpearlx
@pinkpearlx Ай бұрын
The eggshell thing got me. I use to tell my narc ex I am always walking on eggshells around you. He never said anything or seemed bothered by it. I like Dr. Romney‘s videos and appreciate her shining a light on narcissistic people, but it hurts because when you love with your heart and you think this person really loves you just to find out you’ve been being used and not sure to believe. If they really cared or loved you like you did them. Talk about a betrayal.
@gabby7455
@gabby7455 Ай бұрын
Another great video! Thank You, Dr.Ramani, You're always spot on ❤️
@lb8357
@lb8357 Ай бұрын
Thank you for posting these videos. This has helped me realized that I was in a domestically violent marriage. But also shed light on the demented behaviors of my ex. I was convinced that I was the problem that everything was my fault. It's hard to see when there is nonstop chaos but then moments of false calm. They are good in the short term at manipulating but that mask slips. Your videos helped me see and once you do you do not unsee and I am truly grateful. I am better equipped at dealing with the aftermath divorce with 50/50 custody with kids does not end. Thank you from a domestic abuse survivor!
@gorunsko31
@gorunsko31 Ай бұрын
Hostage I am. But at least, now, I know. I don't like it and spend as little time with the narcissist, as I absolutely have to. What a terrible affliction the covert narcissism is. Poison. Love to all brave seekers of healing. Thank you Dr. Ramani.🙏❤
@barbpace-lamb
@barbpace-lamb Ай бұрын
I lost ALL trust in ALL, I’m alone forever
@gloriabarrett6476
@gloriabarrett6476 Ай бұрын
Yes me too
@Michael-db4sn
@Michael-db4sn Ай бұрын
I am an anxious and depressed adult survivors or narcisistic abuse and neglect at the hands of my biological parents, best friend growing up and both my romantic partners. That does not define my life. We have unimaginable strength and God will carry you through any struggle. Believe it.
@bereal6590
@bereal6590 Ай бұрын
You aren't alone, look at all of us here, all saying and feeling the same ways. We may all be a long way from each other but we aren't alone. I used tk think I was the odd one out then I found dr ramini and dr carter, I was just surrounded by hyenas who don't give aren't damn aren't bout anyone but themselves. ✌
@auntihooha
@auntihooha Ай бұрын
My sister used to love to show me how afraid her kids were of her. "Watch this," she's smirk. "Kids, go up to your rooms right now and get ready for bed," she'd yell. Both her kids would run up the stairs without looking back. My sister would smile like the little dictator she is and I wanted to take her kids away~
@3leggedsharkkickssurferinballs
@3leggedsharkkickssurferinballs 29 күн бұрын
Holy crap, that's evil 😈. Poor kids 😢
@IVIayhem
@IVIayhem Ай бұрын
I was always walking on eggshells however, I think it didn't stop there. Yes, she liked it when I was "in line" and doing whatever it was she wanted me to do. However... if she picked up on the fact that I wasn't HAPPY to be "in line", that upset her too. I needed to be happy to be "in my place"... by her side... always on her side... always backing her up even when her argument is stupid. She always seemed to be in an argument with somebody, and she is not a very smart person, besides the fact that she has like a grade 3 education. It was exhausting. I live by myself now in relative peace.
@DzsM-rz7gu
@DzsM-rz7gu Ай бұрын
Basically until destruction continues and narcissistic people are that much supported I prefer to keeping my true self for myself.I don't have another decade to rebuilding myself in their destruction time.
@antheredhen
@antheredhen Ай бұрын
One of your best videos. Thank you. The Silencing the self theory... I've seen this in my mom my whole life. Now it's me... Really awesome video.. Thank you for your honesty about your trust issues.
@thebluehare.
@thebluehare. Ай бұрын
My CN just keeps taking more love away. They don't yell. They don't get angry on the usual. They just ice out and will not listen to anything I have to say. Even in a general conversation they will say, "What? What are you talking about?" Even after we began a conversation about , let's say what we are having for dinner. They won't respond, they won't be generally affectionate - hugs or just touching an arm or back. They will suffocate their attention to me. No yelling. Just isolation.
@chargarland8962
@chargarland8962 Ай бұрын
This. My son's Dad is this.
@Sanosarah
@Sanosarah Ай бұрын
Okay so this is unrelated to this video but I've been watching all your content for years and you were basically the voice that guided me back to sanity after recovering from narc abuse. I know you enjoy media that portrays narcissism really well (I also watched Succession based on your recommendation, incredible). Years ago there was a Jessica Jones series on Netflix and it is SO INCREDIBLY GOOD. David Tennant plays a narcissistic villain SO well it's actually triggering to watch. His power is mind control. You can fill in the blanks! I would love to hear your commentary on it, I still feel sick watching his scenes but they're so good.
@moniquejackson7741
@moniquejackson7741 Ай бұрын
Wow. This compilation really spoke to me and, even though I've seen them all, had me hanging on every word. Thanks so much!
@ddilly9825
@ddilly9825 Ай бұрын
I don't know if you've talked about this in previous videos but I'd like to hear your thoughts on survivor's rage. Now that I know what is going on: narcissistic abuse, I feel so much rage! What do I do with it? How do I use it for my good and not let it destroy me?
@MT-ij4kd
@MT-ij4kd Ай бұрын
Oh I get it- as long as you know that "you don't matter." I wish I had come to this consensus before. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤
@traceykusser368
@traceykusser368 Ай бұрын
This one resonated with me in so many ways! I’m thankful you share your wisdom with us. 🙏❤️
@alliwarwick5590
@alliwarwick5590 Ай бұрын
This is what i needed to listen to today. After 7 months I've stopped therapy, and now a month later I feel I'm slipping. It's been almost 9 months since our split and my breakdown. I've lost trust in myself and every situation I encounter, at work I always second guess myself and my judgement. I also can't stop thinking that my replacement is getting what he couldn't give me because I was too weak. Some days I'm fine but it comes in waves. This video especially reinforced what trauma I had gone through. 😢
@lizsanchez2416
@lizsanchez2416 Ай бұрын
We read the room, otherwise "watch out"
@kitty.k1924
@kitty.k1924 Ай бұрын
Absolutly !they love it because it makes them dell empowered and in control.
@juliebryson4998
@juliebryson4998 Ай бұрын
Yes they enjoy seeing it & like to think they’re in charge!
@PhD1986
@PhD1986 Ай бұрын
Dr. Ramani is brilliant and kind and has made a huge difference in my life. I would, though, like to know what research there is to suggest narcissistic people are insecure. I'm a PhD psychologist with 40 years of experience and have had relationships with family, friends and romantic relationships as well as narcissistic clients. I believe overwhelmingly they believe they are superior and special.
@marcamp5450
@marcamp5450 25 күн бұрын
Your views on trust spoke volumes to me. Keep talking Dr Ramani. Our lives depend on your words. ❤️
@BC-ev4hl
@BC-ev4hl Ай бұрын
I can't leave. No car NO money. And no support system at all. My life has been a sheer hell for 18 years. They made sure I'd be trapped
@Truthteller1s
@Truthteller1s Ай бұрын
Don't give up. Make a plan and stick to it. If you go grey rock, sometimes they will discard you. Just be as prepared as you can. God bless. 🙏
@sarahsue42
@sarahsue42 Ай бұрын
Walk away when they're asleep Fortune favours the brave
@jellybean-ky1ip
@jellybean-ky1ip Ай бұрын
I understand. I should have walked away years ago but I had nowhere to go. Family lived in a different state and I had a child that was having developmental issues. Its not as easy as some people think. Its like being in a bird cage with the door open but you have no where to fly.
@sharicoburn5475
@sharicoburn5475 Ай бұрын
Contact your local women's shelter they will pick you up
@MM-xw1jm
@MM-xw1jm Ай бұрын
Contact a shelter for the abused.
@JaneSmith.9941
@JaneSmith.9941 28 күн бұрын
We NEVER wanted him to notice we were walking on eggshells, because 1) one of my main goals throughout our relationship was to NOT hurt him or make him feel bad. Or even look bad. 2) if he noticed, we'd be punished for it in some passive aggressive way, or he'd swing the pendulum in some random unanticipateable direction in his grand efforts to fix it.
@BflyMom_212
@BflyMom_212 Ай бұрын
Great video! You made so many great points for Me in this journey of where I'm at now. 30 years of an abusive marriage and divorce is final. Now the real healing process begins. I'm not in a hurry to date or have any relationship without a lot of caution. I don't trust Anyone, and I don't know if I ever will again. Its sad, but its true. I heard some advice about dating. IF I were to date someone, I would make sure I didn't have any physical contact. Like, holding hands, kissing, or even hugging for a minimum of 90 days. I don't know maybe longer. I don't want the hormone to take over and have Me do what I'm not comfortable doing at this point anyway. I've got to be strong and keep My boundaries up!!!
@user-ep3ed5jd7q
@user-ep3ed5jd7q Ай бұрын
Thank you for these amazing building blocks to help us rebuild ourselves. You continue to amaze me. I can only imagine how many other lives you are saving on this healing journey. May God truly Bless you infinitely as you so bless us.💜☮✝☮💜
@jvc8947
@jvc8947 Ай бұрын
I’ve been in the loop so long. I cannot express how much Ketamine helped me. I cannot explain how - because it was almost mystic. It taught me self love and authenticity. I finally feel like I am not less of a person. I met myself In there. Once this occurred - Narc abuse had no chance. It may not work for everyone, but transformative for me. 6 treatments last Winter and it lasted. ❤.
@purpletiger2778
@purpletiger2778 Ай бұрын
if a narc will always find foibles in others, the best thing to do is to say nothing. They wont win that way because you have not given them the thing they want most and that is an emotional punching bag/dumping ground. they are still going to react but the difference is you are not relinquishing your power to them. If they can play the silent treatment, so can you. I found some comfort in that when my parent tried to do that to me; I found comfort knowing they felt the way I did when they behaved this way towards me or in front of me. I am never on their side but two can play the game, and I enjoy making narcs as uncomfortable as they have made me and my own.
@CandySphynx
@CandySphynx Ай бұрын
I can’t repeat it enough: you’ve helped me so much on my healing journey from the abuse I suffered from both my mother and ex partner. Thank you so much. You’re an actual life saviour.
@lizsanchez2416
@lizsanchez2416 Ай бұрын
I really love this Dr. Ramani thank you. You can never be your true self because they do not allow you to be. I have noticed this. I used to love to sit by my pool play my music, he used to say " again" now I have stopped and he says " no music today, come on babe, play your music." Nope, I will not, not then only when I want to or him, lol
@vmaria.-
@vmaria.- Ай бұрын
Mrs Ramani,you are a blessing for me!!! Tons of love from Greece...
@ChosenMe
@ChosenMe Ай бұрын
Thank you Dr. Ramani! Your content has been SO helpful & healing for me over these many yrs. that I’ve been following you! ❤️ Please know EVERY time you share the “REAL” information about Narcissism it makes this WHOLE world much better! Keep up the wonderful work, YOU are definitely appreciated, seen & heard! Again Thank you from the bottom of my heart! 😇🙏❤️
@nishiramkhelawan8622
@nishiramkhelawan8622 Ай бұрын
Stop judging & second-guessing yourself. U've been scarred, physically, mentally and psychologically. Becoming normal & serene in thought again, is a difficult path to reach😢
@katmeyster
@katmeyster Ай бұрын
I self-silenced as a child, self-silenced in my marriage, and self-silenced in my last long-term relationship. Just learning this at the age of 66😮😢. I may not want another relationship at all at this point - I need time to heal.
@wendyclark387
@wendyclark387 Ай бұрын
YES! YES! YES! to all you have shared in this excellent compilation...especially the all-around loss of trust, in every direction and level. Thank you for this, Dr. Ramani!! It helps me to feel that I'm not completely alone in all of this and that I'm not the only one with HUGE trust issues.
@kc8127
@kc8127 Ай бұрын
Thank you for this conversation. I thought I knew a lot about this. I am living this with my mother who is 80. I am 58 and the only one of her children that is still there to help. My older brother was the golden child, I am the second child truth teller and scapegoat daughter. My younger sister has no contact. It is so difficult. Fine myself in private that has to have a good cry in private at least once a week. Even though I know that I can't change her. It's like I am always trying to slow her down. She I vicious bad talking contest anger and invalidated, selfish. Just mean. But I do love her and help her. But I am always glad to go home. Thank you. I also need to wear a mask for protection. I am open and get hurt often .
@kc8127
@kc8127 Ай бұрын
My brother passed away from sickness, and my sister is in no contact. So I am the only adult daughter to help. It helps to watch videos and realize I am not alone. My personality is an empathetic, very sensitive person that she does hurt often. The problem I am working through is the codependency trauma bond. She can do something that would make most people leave at a run. And I always forgive her. I really believe that she isn't happy unless she is talking crap about someone including her children. A rough place to be
@bittu-kd7zy
@bittu-kd7zy Ай бұрын
Projections and shaming 😮‍💨 I trust myself. But it's heartbreaking to see my narcissistic husband not able to trust me even after 26 years 😢
@sarahodom7091
@sarahodom7091 Ай бұрын
My experience is that they do LOVE having you walking on eggshells around them. They feel powerful, and enjoy it. It is sadistic. They truly believe everybody else is put on earth to serve them. Amazing. And arrogant beyond words.
@poonamkhanna3383
@poonamkhanna3383 Ай бұрын
Thank you so much Dr. Ramani for these informative videos on Narcissistic relationships. Ma'am... My husband is scapegoat adult child, he is so much enmeshed with their mother and brother so I request you to make video on that how Can I make him understand about it and live my life peacefully with my husband.
@MichaelBroder
@MichaelBroder Ай бұрын
I think I can trust people as long as it’s not in an intimate partnership i.e. boyfriend husband would have you. I certainly never want to be married again. I certainly never want to own property with somebody again and so on.
@turnbacktime65
@turnbacktime65 Ай бұрын
I agree 100%. Well said.
@pamwhitehouse5961
@pamwhitehouse5961 Ай бұрын
Me, too. I want my OWN property 😩
@ghaili1175
@ghaili1175 Ай бұрын
When I said stop hanging up on me… finding my voice, he said. Live with it and hung up.
@chargarland8962
@chargarland8962 Ай бұрын
Part 3.. silencing yourself !!! Omg yes i turned into a zombie/ cyborg when we had our son. That was over 11 years ago, now my son is dealing with a narcissistic Dad.
@SherryTomlinson-mk7gm
@SherryTomlinson-mk7gm Ай бұрын
Good video Ty Dr Ramani, at 68 I feel so odd with my trust issues being raised by a psychopathic father.. I know I was close to my mom and older brother both gone now. But I have a daughter and even a grandchild.i can’t explain it. Being in therapy for many years. I am going to ask for a trauma therapist finally! Yes, back in the day when dad came home from work my brothers ran out of the house lol though would show back up for dinner. Mann these dern narcs!
@GellaHumbug59
@GellaHumbug59 Ай бұрын
I’m not sure he was a narcissist, but I felt exhausted 24/7.
@ro7547
@ro7547 Ай бұрын
OMG! You just described what I do around my husband.
@nessap87
@nessap87 Ай бұрын
In my relationships walking on eggshells would frequently annoy them because it made it harder to pick fights which they seemed to love...
@sandylevan5647
@sandylevan5647 Ай бұрын
She has often times been annoyed with me if I look like I’m creeping around, trying to stay out of the line of fire… Blames me for overreacting
@tracykrause9914
@tracykrause9914 Ай бұрын
Yes it gives em that much more power and control
@PenninkJacob
@PenninkJacob Ай бұрын
I don't feel like "I'll never trust anyone again", but I will always assume they are narcissistic FIRST, then they will have to prove to me they aren't... - (the opposite of Christianity) I think we should all do that... why don't we? 👍❤❤❤
@gtrmarv333
@gtrmarv333 Ай бұрын
It COULD annoy them . but then again .. they know you're " in line " and i'm gonna say that gives em a " charge " .
@Thunder-lightning852
@Thunder-lightning852 Ай бұрын
They definitely do mind job on you. Who knew that love,Hope,trust, patience, caring, giving,being an empath. Could be your worse enemy. they will not only empty your cup,damage your cup,trying to fill their bucket with no bottom. I have ate so much brown grass in my relationship of 27 years. I don’t even care for green grass.
@alisonodonnell1773
@alisonodonnell1773 Ай бұрын
I understand there are situations where you just cannot leave, but it is said that if you knowingly stay in an abusive relationship, you are not so much a victim but a willing participant. I left, and although I sometimes second-guess myself, I know I made the right decision! He moved on Fast and mutual friends feel the need to tell me how happy he is, but I keep reminding myself they aren't happy people so he's just telling them what he wants me to hear. It's just a matter of time before his rebound sees the mask come off enough times to feel the way i did. She let him move in far too quickly, as I didn't see the mask come off for what it was until about a year in. I'm sure he is even better at the game now with her.
@wownicole81
@wownicole81 Ай бұрын
I’d love to be a part of your research Dr. Ramani!
@user-lo8wm4ji2k
@user-lo8wm4ji2k Ай бұрын
I told my husband he was making everyone miserable- long time before I realized what was going on in my marriage. It always bothered me that he wasn’t even hurt by that I said it out of frustration to hurt him. He was soooooo sensitive about everything else but it bother him at all. Now know he didnt mind the insult because he didn’t care
@kallasusort2986
@kallasusort2986 Ай бұрын
Thank you! and - you look great in purple - its a good color for you.
@ro7547
@ro7547 Ай бұрын
I’ve always claimed that “thieves” are smart.
@montanabirdmommy
@montanabirdmommy Ай бұрын
She does seem to secretly enjoy it, but she got super mad when I told her I had to be exceedingly careful and walk on eggshells around her.
@timm2580
@timm2580 Ай бұрын
Yes they love it when we work on it shelves
@ellesse9155
@ellesse9155 Ай бұрын
Brilliant! Thank you Dr Ramani
@Questinia1
@Questinia1 Ай бұрын
This is an excellent discussion on the topic. Thanks so much for uploading.
@Rickettsia505
@Rickettsia505 Ай бұрын
I thought of four after reading the title: i was thinking safe home, not safe me. Hiding money in multiple places. Storing up "food for the famine". Two weeks of clothes, a bar of old fashioned soap, and a scrub board . Knowing where the nearest pawnshop is located.
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