What you’re sorry for Why this makes you sorry What you will do in the future

It's not the act of apologising that I find difficult, it's finding a way to word it in a way that doesn't sound selfish or dishonest edit: turns out the reason I'm bad at communication is autism🧍‍♂️

I feel so awkward and weird apologising and it kinda scares me to do it

KZfaqr: *Furiously taking notes*

Why you're sorry, Because you feel sorry, And what you'll do to make up for it.

A proper apology is something to be treasured, glad there is real guidance! Props to the speaker

I lost the greatest person in my life because of something that happened to me and I took it out on her. I later told her the truth and tried to apologize. "Just leave me alone please." Her last words to me. If you ever see this, you know who I'm talking to, I'm sorry. I was wrong. I want you to be happy. If you are happy with the way your life is, and who is in it, I can't change your mind. How you spend your time and who you spend it with is entirely up to you. I haven't heard you speak so highly of someone since who you were with in the past. I know he's a great guy from what you've said. And it was wrong for me to say such things about him. And you. If he can love and protect you, then I can live my life. I'm happy for you, and how far you've come. You're a smart girl, you have a good heart, and you have a very great life. And if your last wish of me to leave you is the only way you'll forgive me, then that's exactly what I'll do. I need time to reflect on my mistakes, and time to forgive myself. I pray that someday, we do see each other again. And perhaps rebuild. Until then, you take care. Be safe. And have a good life, Breanna. I love you, little sister.

Solid Talk - amazing delivery - magnificent mustache - Job well done

I watched this video 20+ times while forming an apology. Ive been trying to apologize properly for months so Thank you Jahan Kalantar you helped me save a friendship that i ruined

I was projecting my own Insecurity onto a close friend a year ago and well :^) I honestly hate myself for it, I was not a good person last year and I'm doing my best to change but I don't think they'll ever be able to trust me again

I made a death threat. I feel very ashamed. I don’t know what to do. I felt painful remorse the night after. I don’t know what to do. If anyone knows/is willing to help me. I would feel better about myself.

I have no regrets watching this video, with the help of this I even managed to help reconnect with one of the friends I had a terrible argument with. I honestly felt so much better after apologizing in the first place, but this helped me achieve the best possible outcome. I'm very thankful people like this exist to help people, whether it be in court or online haha.

Solid talk Mr Kalantar. I had a rough patch with the missus last year and believe it or not your talk was the turning point to get her back. All she needed was a genuine apology

Sometimes I wonder if I am genuine when I apologize because I DO mean it, and yet I go right back to the things I ask forgiveness for. Doesn't that mean I truly don't mean it or I purposely sabotage relationships because of it? Saying sorry isn't the hard part... But acting on it and staying true to being different, the next time around 😔

Super useful, I'll be sure to incorporate these techniques in my personal and professional relationships

Note to self: use this framework when apologizing! Great Talk Jahan!

It really did work thank you

It’s so true that a cogent apology shouldn’t contain fancy words and sound scripted. Honesty and sincerity are the aspects that will convince your audience. You have to add meaning to it by describing it and enriching it. Expressions like “it won’t recur” are reassuring to your listeners.

That rocked. Thanks man. Apologizing is an important skill that most people lack.

I've been watching a lot of Ted Talks lately, and this is one of my favorites thus far. Love it!

A great talk done by Jahan Kalantar! I can vouch it has added value too me, where I can use these 3 steps in making an apology sounds so vulnerable and authentic that I mean every word. Congrats once again 👏

So simple, yet so effective and memorable!

Thank you for that, Jahan! Love your method, I’ve been using it since I the first time I watched and it is being very helpful.

I love human topics like this. Very inspiring!

It’s so sad this video has under 100 thousand views. We could all use a bit more of enlightenment.

This was beautiful. Amazing job.

Amazing talk! Such an important, yet overlooked, area of the human condition!

Excellent! And one point, when people are nice they never hurt others or need to apologize. Some people are so careless they never even bother to apologize while all they do is hurt, hurt and hurt others. That's how my mother died, hurt to death and nobody ever cared.

I said something really insensitive to my mother in law who just got diagnosed with cancer. I feel so horrible and ashamed. I hope to forgive myself and be forgiven by her. I rarely feel this low.

This is a great speech from one of the rising stars of criminal lawyers. It would be a pity if Jahan's effort in contributing to the legal study is not recognised.

I think the fact that we are all hear shows how sorry we all really are. But will they ever know how seriously sorry we are?

love this guy sooo much, very useful talk!!

Thank you for sharing your formula with the world because I think of it often and it helps me when I want to be meaningful in my communication

Loved watching this live in Sydney, and has worked so well! Feel like I can get away with anything now that I know how to apologize 😜

I was already sad, but the second story made me cry

saying the apology is easy because I know what I did and why I did it. the hard part for me is if I will actually change my behaviour after that for real. I worry the apology will all be for nothing anyway because I don't trust myself enough if I can really go through with the change:(((

I keep screwing up friendships. I don't blame myslef but I still feel terrible about it. I have so much going on in my life. Balancing my life/emotions, school/future and social life/friends is hard. It isnt an excuse but a reason. I overthink things and I get scared and I can't think straight. I overreact and I regrett it. Why? Becuase I know what it feels like to be mistreated and I get scared that I will get mistreated agian. I am scared and confused and embarrassed and guilty. I wish I could make then understand but they shouldn't have to put up with my problems. I think I ruined a really good friendship. Or at least lost a good friend

This is so enlightening! Your commendable delivery made it all the more effective. Loved this throughout!

I really love this Jahan you are a captivating speaker I get inspired by you every day I love it keep going!

2nd video on apologies. No1 talks how sorry doesn't mean right or wrong. It's about caring about upsetting each other. And goodwill authenticly afterwards is best

Inspirational talk: 'mia culpa' ... 'to err is human and to forgive is divine' ... that's what i have heard of ... YES ... Honest Apology and genuine (authentic) thanks does have the power to heal broken hearts and generational misunderstandings ... like 'Rudd Apology on 13/2/2008.....!!!

If the man in the story spent 8 hours writing an apology letter, I feel good about spending that time writing an apology letter too. Thank you for sharing.

I can’t apologize cuz my friend blocked me I annoy her as a friend of course everybody annoys somebody but I went a little to far and oh god I feel terrible it’s all I can think about

When I was in the military, I learned that it’s pointless to apologize. You’re forced to carry around your mistakes forever because they never forgive, or forget. I am a genuinely contrite person and feel remorse for all my mistakes. But I feel that apologizing will not make one difference to how people feel. So it’s useless to try. Even recently, I got in trouble with an authority figure and I didn’t apologize. Because it wouldn’t change how they felt. One bad deed invalidates one hundred good deeds.

It is a great talk, I now know how I can apologise it!

This world is a strange one isn't it. Thank you for your advice my friend. I will take it with me for the rest of my days.

Pleasure listening to you, it was a great speech Jahan 👍👍

Great work Jahan - fantastic delivery

Solid Talk. Great Man. Jahan Kalantar

I literally told my sister to wait for 7 minutes as I finish this TED talk before I apolofize, so I love you man, thank you for this amazing sharing because you made me know the proper way to authentically apologize to my sister and I hope I can continue to remember the lesson you give for this small 7 minutes in my life.

It is a really useful speech! Good for improving my speeching skills, thank you for this.

an excellent message, well delivered!

This guy….100% class. Thank you

what a wonderful Talk.

Fresh, nice, and clear presentation. Thanks!

great talk and very inspiring!

It’s not just “why, because and and.” It’s got to be genuine - but I learned it goes like this. 1. I’m sorry. (Be real, and genuine) 2. I made a mistake … (admit it was you, own it) (The last part is most critical) 3. How can I fix this. Everyone forgets #3. Practice this method on children, or whomever and watch them learn the art of an apology.

This is a great video.. I accidentally made meggo feel terrible and bad and I’ve never felt more guilty in my life. So hopefully this video will help me create a more authentic and genuine apology, thank you, meggo, I’m sorry

My advice to persons looking for a good way to apologize: hear the other person out. Ask them what is bothering them and what they were thinking and feeling in that moment. Try to understand and empathize. For example say: I see how my action to...(insert) .. caused you to feel... (insert). Even if you don't think you did something wrong, try to validate the persons feelings. To do this you need to have confidence in yourself to be open to criticism, without defending yourself. Also ask the person how they are, after the hurt. That's really important too. And if you feel that they are important to you, make sure you let them know! For example say that you really value their friendship and that you hope they can forgive you and you want tor rebuild the trust that was broken. Also ask how you can do that. Once you apologized, give the person time to receive the apology. This may take some time and should not be rushed. You can not make the person accept it, they have to do it on their own terms. Be patient if you really love or like that person and want to make amends.

Solid and professional talk!

So clearly displayed, you transmit confidence and certainty from experience and yes, it is not easy but it is something to be done. Thank you.

Great talk. Simple and helpful

Loved listening to this great speech... keep it up..

I've let down a friend. Many times, actually. And I feel awful for it; she stuck with me through a lot of rough times. And now I've cost her a lot of months of stress because my anxiety makes me an awful communicator. I'm working on myself, but in the meantime all I can do is say sorry before I make myself worthy my friend.

Thank you

I keep coming back to this video. Its so good I can't forget the speaker's name.

I was taught in the 1960s apologizing was part of growing psychologically and emotionally. Apologizing sincerely isn't difficult for my generation (obviously, not everyone). The "Everybody makes mistakes." excuse has taken the place of accountability. Next, learn the difference between offering an explanation and making an excuse. Professional maturity involves both apologizing and eliminating excuses.

Sometimes people apologize not because they did something wrong. They apologize because they are good person and don't want to start a war based on religion back in home country over small things like tweets etc. They are visionary and look into the future and don't want unnecessary drama. " It's important to know where to loose."

Joe from friends! Love it!

Thank you.

This is the best video I’ve watched!

Wise words!

I didnt understand much from video will need to watch again but understood more from comments.

Why: Sorry I'm breaking up with you Because: I just felt that you are unbearable to be around And: I dont want to see you ever again

Inspirational and Super useful !

You need to do more public speaking. Really good presentation.

"Good stuff"!..."i mean it"

Amazing great story.

I miss her so much

amazing speech, very impressive!

well thank you

this helped a lot

I hope my dad forgives me. I hated him all my life and now I just lashed out. I made a letter full of my anger, the things I think he did comepletely wrong, and consecutive curses. I felt good after sending it so I went to sleep, waiting for his reply in the morning. But the second I woke up, I regretted it. I thought about all the good things he did for me growing up. It's just so hard right now. I don't know what to do. He's giving me the cold shoulder so I told my mom about it. I think he's very angry at me, but I'm confused why he isn't yelling at me? Threatening to slam my head onto the wall? Why isn't he saying the usual words he says when he's mad? I'm confused, this hasn't happened before. My mom told me he was probably hurt with what I said. She told me my dad had emotions too. He's still wrong though but- ARGHHHHHH fml

Thanks. Like this!

Great as always 👍😍

👍😍💡WHY, BECAUSE, AND Sharing this other ppl I know. WHY - it’s Fantastic BECAUSE it’s Simple AND straightforward. 👍💝

An employee wrote me an apology letter for touching crew members too much. Casual touches, like on arms or shoulders. He was always very outgoing and tactile at work. Still, I'd taken him to my colleague’s office for a chat and told him he shouldn't touch anyone without consent. Just handshakes. I said we needed the workers to be comfortable in a good work environment, that he pretty much shouldn't talk about anything other than work and school. How he shouldn't tell his stories because they may be inappropriate to some degree to the other workers; funny to him only. I think he’s about 25, give or take. He seemed pretty quiet and uncomfortable during my speech. Answered a question or two with a nod and headshake. I even said to my present colleague "Is there anything you want to add?" I didn't realize how insensitive I was that day. That day after work, I saw him and some woman from my apartment's balcony. On the road, a truck almost hit him, and he BARELY got out of the way in time. He could've been KlLLED. He looked horrified and distraught. His friend comforted him and led him away from the area, rubbing his back as they left. They didn't notice a letter that had fallen out of his hoodie pocket. I went down to bring it to him if he was still within sight, but he was gone by them. I noticed the letter was addressed to me. He wrote that he was so sorry for making his coworkers uncomfortable and that he never meant to. That he wouldn't have if he had known. That he wanted to make things right and redeem himself. He also explained that he had ASD and sometimes acted socially flawed, inappropriately jocular, and unfiltered. He said he felt so bad about that and that whenever he got the impression someone didn't like him, he would be quiet around them to avoid provoking them. He also wanted the person he discomforted to know he was sorry. Well, now _I'm_ sorry, because in certain ways, I didn't handle the work situation so well. Our last moment together would've been in the office had the truck ended him. I wasn't very respectful to the poor guy. So how do _I_ apologize?

Im too scared for the apology because i dont wanna make them feel more hurt and dont want them to think that i want them to feel bad, but one friendship i lost, hopefully wont be lost forever. 😢

I needed a break and now I’m doing good 👍🏼

What an awesome video 👌🏻

I hope this helps me

The action of apologizing isn’t difficult to me here’s an example, when I say I’m sorry I promise it won’t happen again, but scared it will and when it does I believe they won’t accept it next time.

This is great

“I feel sorry for your mother” -Menace 2 Society

Brother you have no idea how thankful I am 🥺🥺🥺 That was very very very much helpful It was perfect Thank you 🥺 I accidentally deleted my besttt friend's THE importants cuz i didnot notice as hurry got me😣i was furious. That's all excuse though😖😖😖i should have noticed Now the guilt is burning Its gone! He trusted me! I'm remembering all the dark of my life And its not great And this video helped. Thank you so much 🥺

I want to apologize to a girl, but I don't even know why she's mad at me, and she won't answer my texts

Hey buddy jokes may have been a lil too abundant but this really started to break things up into simpler things for me

I forgot to do an online test and now I need to apologize to the teacher, I'm rly scared rn from her ;-;

I really need to say sorry to my mum

The mindfulness book "30 Days to Stop Apologizing" by Harper Daniels is helpful.