Addiction is the symptom not the cause…Amy was special…Beautifully written article Russell…

When I was 12- at my dad's for the weekend, I prayed for him to live 20 more years. My sister would find him on the beach or in a car on Myrtle Avenue. It took the birth of his 1st grandson to become clean from 44 years of heroin & drug abuse. He died when I was 33. I got my 20 years and 12 of them he was CLEAN & THE BEST Dad. So glad I had that.

I just watched the Matthew Perry interview with Diane Sawyer, and it broke my heart. Early childhood trauma can manifest itself in deeply addictive behavior as a coping mechanism. I wish for everyone going through addiction the healing they need to live full and happy lives.

Russell is a true wordsmith. That article was pure prose.

Our family has lost two beautiful souls to addiction this year. It's painful as a mother to see the mothers in our family lose their babies. It's heart wrenching 💔

Amy was a wonderful woman, RIP Winehouse

Sobriety is fabulous. I wish it upon everyone who needs and wants it. Blessings. (27 yrs sober)

I lost my only child to addiction. He took his life, with a gun, when he was 21 years old. How did I feel? Powerless. I only thought I had experienced powerlessness with my alcoholism. No, as I ran after him and in shock, horror, disbelief and powerlessness, I witnessed him put the gun to his head. I cradled him as he lay dying. I couldn't help him out of this mess caused by addiction. I truly hate this disease. But I'm grateful to be sober and have been blessed with almost 22 years with a beautiful soul. Thank you Russell for all you do. ❤🙏❤🙏

Amy was and remains a beautiful and brilliant energy. She revealed and shared her being. They stole her identity, and mauled her being, but they could not smother her light Amy did not deserve the mistreatment she received… Amy Winehouse, the voice of a lifetime, one of the most compelling and brilliant singer-songwriters and musicians there has even been.

Wow, that was beautiful. Amy was extremely talented - but obviously something was very painful for her. Addiction is just a symptom of a pain that won't go away.

Take A Moment Amy was a wonderful woman. I am a PTSD kind of guy, 28yr veteran of the RAF. I live in Calgary Untruedauxland. The world has PTSD. Please talk about whatever it is that bothers you. Take care Get free Stay Free ❤️

in April 2013, I made that phone call to my parents. I've been sober ever since. I absolutely adored Amy Winehouse!! I rarely get so involved with the death of a celebrity. Most don't affect me. But hers? I mourned her death. She was unlike any other I had seen in a massively long time. Her energy was familiar. Many don't understand addiction, and it's not my job to convince them of the reality. I believe she was trying to get back on track. It's not that simple for an individual with intense emotion and empathy to easily achieve it. She was 🔹Unique🔹.

The "Deaths" aren't just physical. They are so many losses that bring deep grief and struggle that only exacerbate the mental/emotional challenges that can delay recovery and push someone to avoid the pain of those also. The pain is daily on so many levels.

As an addict myself with 10 years to the good under my belt that was heart wrenching Russ. Thanks for sharing. Unfortunately I didn't come to know Amy's music until after and that saddens me. I love live music so much when I think about those we'll never see perform it stings. A little note from your own story I picked up here that I hadn't known. You got sober at the age of 27. I'm quite sure you realize the significance of that. Instead of joining "the fabulous 27s" you chose to live. My emotions are on fire as I write this... Gratitude for you, myself, and all those that chose to live. And deep sadness and heartbreak for those we've lost. Thank you Russell for all you do. You are an inspiration.

Hearing this article hurt my hear just as much today as the day it was published. ❤

I am an addict, an alcoholic. It's been 5 and one half years since my last drink. A bit longer for pills- but sober in that same year. 2017 was the year I watched my partner of 9 years, father to my children, lay in a hospital bed on feeding tubes. It had been a month since I had had a drink at the time. I felt something coming if we didn't change. Him getting sick was my confirmation. Time for us to clean it up. I continued healing, he started hiding the liquor. Our relationship got ugly and I was firm. Get sober or leave. He did leave, and he did try to get sober, but couldn't. He suffered from a spine injury, along with mental health issues, a veteran. I can't pretend to know his pain, only experiencing it from the outside, but even as an outsider- it was hard to watch. I ended up shutting my eyes to it all. I had to pick up our life for myself and our kids and I couldn't have them watch it all fall. He got thinner, sicker, until I got that call. He was found dead in his bed in 2020. It was devastating for me. I had shielded myself from the love I had for him during those days. It was too hard. Once he was gone though, all the love came flooding up to the surface. I thought about drinking. 2020 was hard all around on top of his death. But I keep it in my head always; I stay sober because he couldn't. What happened to me was so hard but I experienced such intense spiritual awakenings and spiritual truths. The pain was a catalyst for my healing. I see that truth about life now. Without the pain we can't grow. I send my love to anyone who can't get drinking out of their head. It doesn't solve anything, it just prolongs the pain. One day at a time.

I just reached my 11th Sober Anniversary/Birthday Oct 31st.. I don't even recognize the person I used to be. I also lost my cousin and my best friend to addiction on May 31st, 2014. I remember that time like it was yesterday. I remember my mom and sister coming to tell me he had passed. I remember immediately dropping to the floor and sobbing... I couldn't believe what was happening.. I had just seen him the night before he passed. I still had the cinnamon rolls he made us, sitting on my kitchen counter. I remember shaking uncontrollably when I went to pick up my husband from the airport and then heading to the wake. I remember sitting in that funeral home watching the video they made for the family. It was a bunch of pictures on a loop set to music. I remember sitting there watching this and noticing how there were so many pictures of us together. And in the family pictures, we were always standing or sitting right next to each other. We had a very strong bond. I remember as I was sitting in the funeral, it felt and looked like everyone was on fast forward. And I was watching life spin around me as I sat still... it felt, in that moment, like my life had stopped. I remember my grandma holding me tight as we walked up to his casket to say our final goodbye. I remember sobbing for days and then crying for weeks. When I 1st got sober, I had to cut off everyone I used with. One of those people, was my cousin. I'll be honest and say, it didn't last very long at all. He was family and we were so close. So the minute I felt strong enough, I started talking to him again. He was on an up swing and Sober when I started talking to him again, which made it easier. A few months later he used for the last time... there was no call to come pick him up from the hospital in secret... there was nothing. He was gone. I think about him almost every day. I'm sharing this because I know how I felt while I was using. You don't realize the affect you'll have on your loved ones. You can't escape the ending. Some things are inevitable. Get help.. find something to fight for. People will forgive you. And if they don't, there will be someone who cares about you and love you more than the people you had to grow out of.

Shes free now from all the pain that suffocated her light that she ran from and made each day unbearable. Im sorry during her life she never experienced a deep breath or a heart beat without that constant aching thudding of pain but she's free now... no more pain

I was a Crack addict and an alcoholic for yrs. I have been sober for over 14 years and been clean for 5 years now

I was orphaned by 10 years old, lost both parents in their thirties to addiction. I miss them always. I've struggled with addiction myself. I miss Amy, and Janis, and Curt.... Thank you for always talking about the important things. xo

Amy's birthday is mine also. I have eating disorder and addiction issues. So I related to her alot and was obsessed with her music. She was so pretty and unique! I could see what a special friendship you both had. So sad.

Wow Russell that is a wonderful thing you do trying to help fellow addicts. That really warmed my heart ❤️ and im sure gave many hope. Thanks for being a good dude. We love you!!!

So glad I took a chance on this video, filled with insight only available to someone who has been there. Thank you for posting.

Entranced by your gift of prose... throwing my arms around you for your pain... hers.. and mine. You. You are a candle in the window. Thank you

You are very articulate. Quit talented yourself. Mastering putting words to truth and feelings in a empathetic and coherent manner is in itself a gift. ❤️

I lost my son to addiction when he was 39 years old my boy. Was gone 8 years now and I tried as much as I could to get him better tough love understanding love nothing worked but unfortunately he died in a sober house and I feel so guilty I wasn’t there for him I will never be the same I miss him every day love you my always baby boy

Wowwwwww wow wow this is SO powerfully written. I'm in tears listening. My 20 year old daughter has recently quit drinking, she's an alcoholic and also addicted to marijuana. She says she can't feel, she can't connect with anyone.... This article you've written is horrifying and raw. I hope to never get the call a parent dreads. Thanks Russell. You're a light to the world.

I don't think she realized how bloody brilliant she was or even cared ..but she did love Blake and vice versa ❤️

God's grace is sufficient for me. I thank you for your honesty and your heart for the addicted lost souls. Pray for the addicted that in the hour they cry out Abba Father show Yourself to me that they will receive the touch of healing and a supernatural experience that will leave them whole.

Compassion. Beautiful writing and true.

I'm so sorry for your loss. Amy's death was heartbreaking for you. Her family will always hurt so profoundly. Thank you for honoring her memory. She is still missed dearly. I still enjoy her voice. I miss her "SELF" expression and will until it's my turn to go where she went.

This was just one of the most beautiful pieces of writing I've ever heard. Edit: really reminds me of the genius of Anthony Bourdain's travel writing.

A beautiful piece about a beautiful young woman gone to soon with an amazing voice , irreplaceable 🙏

Russell, that was beautiful and you are right, Amy and her talent were a gift from heaven. It is a shame such a gift was lost. And for all those out there who want to look down on her or anyone else with an addition, what is your addiction because we all have a vice, a monkey on our back we cant let go of. For some its drugs and drinking, which was my personal avenues of destruction. For others, its food, cars, sex, tv, you name it. People need to stop being so judgmental because her demon was different from theirs. Thank you Russell for sharing your thoughts on Amy and I hope you continue to grow and help others.

I have been sober just over 8 years. It's not always easy and right now I'm struggling with life but I won't drink or drug, I know that won't solve anything, just make it so much worse. I wish everyone a fantastic week ahead, love to you all 💗

A poignant piece of writing, from the heart. I can imagine Amy to be quite hard to get to know, always came across as being pretty lost. Loved her writing, her voice was just beyond ❤️❤️❤️

Thank you for sharing that! ❤️

Beautifully put

THANK YOU RUSSELL 💜💜💜

That was beautiful Russell. Thank you for sharing.

Absolutely spot on, word perfect ❤

Beautifully expressed.

Powerful! Thank you for sharing this.

Thank you, Russell.

"The aire of elsewhere". I know it well. Been down that road, and can see it make it's apprearance in others. Beautiful piece of writing, thanks Russell.

Thank you!

Beautiful and heartbreaking article 🙏

Absolutely beautiful 😢❤ Thank You Russell ❤❤❤

I enjoyed hearing you read this so much mate. Thanks for sharing.

I don't know what to say. This letter touched my heart. Thank you, Russell, for sharing such a personal letter with us.

I am dealing with this right now, within me. Thankyou Russell.

Thank you for your contribution to this planet and my time here

Beautiful words

Want to cry. So moving, so powerful. Thank you Russell

spiritual awakening with Russel, appreciate it

Beautifully written and read.

Chilling. Thank you for sharing your heartfelt and wise perspective.

Beautiful ❤️!!! I will always remember her like dazzle in the dark. Her voice was so deep and as you said it coming from somewhere else..

That was so beautiful Russell. Amy was loved. Losing someone to addiction is so tragic. I’m glad you are sober. You are loved. ❤

Absolutely Beautiful, Russell. Thank you for your insight and for your admiration, love and tribute to the the genius and stunning star that was Amy Winehouse. And the same vulnerability in all of us and that we all share. Thank you lovey.

Beautiful article, Russel 💔

Love your stuff dude! Keep speaking facts! Your soul is dope

I am so deeply appreciative of your articulation of such a complex issue. So much compassion from a voice who has touched addiction closely... Love to you Russell and all of us who have faced addiction head on ❤️❤️❤️

Great writing

Bless you. There are so many layers to this subject. I appreciate your peeling 😃😂

thanks for being you, Russell. loved Amy Winehouse. addiction ..... hard stuff.

Yes. Thanks for saying all that so well. I feel exactly the same about Amy. Thanks for speaking reality.

Your article is beautiful and raw. It seems to be the case that the greatest talents, intellects and potential reformers hold so much pain within themselves. Any substance which removes the pain is initially helpful in many ways and may be the reason the individual is still in body. I have known many people who have self-soothed through substances as well as worked with individuals as a psychotherapist. It is sad that out society is so bent on punishing the inwardly most vulnerable people rather than allocating resources to building skills to tolerate seemingly intolerable emotional states. Bless you for channeling your experience into creating a mechanism which offers hope to others.🙏🏻💚❤️

She was an amazing artist and it was such a loss, thank you for the information I hope it reaches enough sxx

Thank you for so much hope for all of us. Working through and feeling the pain sober can decrease the desire for addictive coping mechanisms we have to numb ourselves. Everyone of us can forgive ourselves for wanting to feel better. We need each other and a higher power, however that is for each of us. May all of us be peaceful, loving and healing.🙏

I love your story time

We lost my sister in law to alcoholism when she was only 38. People only talk about Heroin (and now fentanyl) , but alcohol addiction is a killer too. She was self medicating because of a horrible childhood and the abandonment of her father when she was a little girl...

Russell, thank you so much for reading this letter from years ago. I have followed you like a son, from madness thru your years of cleanliness & happiness. It is a daily process, as you have said. I've covered literally all of your public appearances, podcasts, youtube productions. I am so proud & supportive of you. Please don't feel any guilt about Amy. Our journey's are our own. I have purchase your books for people that I hoped would help them out. Keep on keep'in on young man. You are an inspiration to this recovery heroin addict!

I can see how much the issue of addiction effects you Russell. Amy was so beautiful and talented. Im glad you made it through.... I remember worrying about my son, "not waking up" when he was in the darkest part of addiction... What a battle that was, It always needs to be considered for the rest of his life. He is okay now and im so thankful..... Thank you Russell.....

It’s sad that something as impressive as this, Russell, gets 11k views on this platform. Thanks for sharing. ❤

When I see AW, I just see someone who seems like a really sweet girl in more pain than she could cope with. I wish we could all see what makes us all special and deserving of love.

I miss Amy, too, though I didn't know her. I only knew how she made me feel when she sang, which was hopeful and somehow more connected to beauty in its purest form. I honestly thought the music would save her. That it was strong enough to do so. I still cry when I think of her. Absolutely poignant and cutting piece, Russell. Among all your talents, your writing is one we don't laud enough.

Thank you Russell for a beautifully written letter to an amazing artist, a beautiful soul who didn't get to live her life fully. You Russell, are amazing as well for what you do and the hell you went through to get here! God bless you! I used to watch Amy sing her music and I loved her jazzy music and the way she presented herself. But as I watched her, I felt there was something behind her music, there was so much pain and sadness and I knew something was wrong! At her age she was living the pain and so she could really show it in her music. I was very saddened by her passing! A true legend and genius at her age and so heart breaking at the same time! 💔💔💔

I remember getting out of rehab in January 2015 and my therapist at the time made me read this article that russel wrote and it really smacked me in the face. Russel is truly one of the great orators of our time.

Again such eloquent and beyond authentic writing. In my eyes my father was a mild alcoholic. He would not listen to my concerns when I finally voiced them. At least to this point that I know. My mom had food addictions...and the inability to be present and really love is one of the biggest sacrifices of chasing escape..as you mention. Its so easy for those addicted to alienate those who care...I find. Maybe they aren't ready to give it up...and protect it. I have casually faced my addictions that have rubbed off from my upbringing. Those ways are real...and deep. But there is healing...and it is true. Thank you for your awareness. Much support to you Russell and all you do.

I looked a lot like an addict, but I was a handicapped man self-medicating for pain and madness. Amy Winehouse was lovely and her pain radiated out through her eyes. I was attracted to her the first time I saw her on TV but I lived on the other side of the planet and I was a ruined soul myself. Her passing hurt a lot more than I expected. Beautiful writing Rus' I ate your lunch again

Beautiful Russell 🥺🙏❤️

I remember reading this on the guardian. I know someone who suffers from addiction and they have no intention of ever stopping. It’s a slow and painful death and causes havoc with your personal relationships. Thank you Russell for using your touching writing to let people know, this is an illness. It’s devastated to see a person lose their dignity self respect, self esteem.. they can be whoever they want to be, they just need someone to show them compassion and help them realise their worth.

I just lost my adopted sister to alcohol. There was that phone call and I had to make others, heartbroken and calm - I knew it was only when, not if. Prayers for those lost, and for those who still have a chance. Work now, cry later. Thank you Russell.

Well said Sir Russell, will never look at phone calls the same again...

So moving ❤

That was beautiful Russell, the last sentence was definitely intense 🙏🏽

😥 Rest in love, Amy. ❤

That was beautiful Russell

3:11 So true. I feel like I’m not as present as I was when I was younger and sober. Instead of consistent awareness of the current moment, I feel I appear to be clinging onto the future contentment that my drug of choice will hopefully bring me. I admire and appreciate your thorough sobriety Russell, thank you man. I Love You and All That You Do. 🌱⛲️🕺🏼

Thanks Russ - it’s never too late to remind this generation of Amy’s talents, her beautiful yet vulnerable core and perhaps where more could have been done for her by her nearest and dearest. Your article was beautifully written. We must remember to refrain from judging those who need our help and guidance the most. Good wishes to you and your family.

Russel so eloquently describes why it's hard to have an authentic relationship with the person who is an addiction. For me this is a few of my family. Is so painful and I just pretend like it's not happening, but I can't relate to them at the end of the day and I try so hard. I have received the call, my little 34 year old brother, RIP. I truly am an adult child of alcoholics ....But I am also extremely empathetic because of them. Addiction it hurts us all. Thank you for reading this. A beautiful tribute to "a fucking genius" You honor her deeply.

This one took my breath away. You can feel when people are talking through you when they are not connected to anything. As someone who lost the father of their child to addiction and just housed his sister to get her into rehab this was amazing and your words are just beautiful. Thank you for sharing. I have been sober 2 years and have been starting the process of trying to help other people as a career I hope one day to be able to provide as much wisdom as you have shared over the years.

What a proper and powerful tribute, from someoone -- a friend -- who scarcely escaped joining the 27 Club himself, and now sets an example for the rest, for all of us, to follow.

Well done lucky to meet her!

Beautiful

This was so beautifully written, Russell! God certainly had a plan for you when he gave you a second chance and I’m so proud and impressed to see you using your skill and voice to make a difference. Imagine if news media talked about celebrities with diabetes, or cancer, the same way they report on those plagued with addiction.

So true about fear of getting phone calls - of one kind of news or the other. My heart always pounded nearly out of my chest when I’d get them. Society & even many hospitals outright suck when it comes to helping drug addicts when they want help. I took my son to an ER when he’d had enough and that was the biggest eye opener when I saw how he was treated and they did NOTHING for him. The dr on duty (after we were there for 5 hours) told my son when he asked what he should do said “just take deep breaths”. That’s when I lost it. He did thank God get into a place to detox after that but the place was horrible. There for a month then I found another place for him long term where he still is (6mths total in December) This place now is very good and he’s doing great. Those that look down on the ones needing help when it’s their job to do something, should have the situation turned around to see how it feels.

I've been in and out of recovery for most of my adult life. Over 10yrs meow. Luckily I've been IN recovery consistently for the last 3yrs. April 2020 I lost my brother. He was killed by his wife. Whom both were addicts and had mental health issues. I also lost my fiance in a drink driving accident. These were the hardest things I've ever dealt with and I somehow did it clean and sober. The last time I used was the night my fiance died. He had wanted to come over and I ignored him because I was getting high and he hated that. So I have guilt inside that if I hadn't ignored him, he would still be here. I know that's not the case. But our hearts and minds hold onto things. Sort of out of our control. It appears anyways. Tho ive learned many new ways to get deep inside of myself. Through breathwork meditation and many others. 💜 My name is also Amy (Ami).

That was hauntingly beautiful 😢