That tip: put your partner in their place without evoking the ego! Ooh sooo necessary, & well said.

I feel like Jared would be such an amazing cartoon character voice!

I’ve been trying to work on addressing why a situation is bothersome rather than why “their personality/habit” is bothersome. It seems to diffuse the ego reaction and also keep the anger on the problem not the person. Ex: my husband often forgets to refill the toilet paper roll. I wait to mention it until a few minutes later because when I first notice I’m going to be irritated. Then when I mention it, I say something like “ I feel frustrated when I’m using the bathroom and there is no paper to wipe with, especially since I have to wipe every time I use the bathroom.” Then, hubs is more focused on what he can do to make me happy, (replacing the tp), rather than focusing on me being mad at him and him feeling down on himself for it.

Thank you on the submissive note. Women already are told to be submissive by society, what was the point of sending in that comment. It needed to be directed at men 😭

He does clean after shaving. But he does a shit job cleaning up lol

The wind was really coming through for Shannon love it 😭😭

16:04 it is surprising to hear that people can watch your videos and say you both do not have chemistry. Your connection on screen appears to be complimentary.

Marriage marriage marriage! It’s one institution we were never prepared for

Jared came for my throat with that part about addressing an issue without provoking a person's ego. I aspire to do that, especially since provoking the ego has proven not to be effective, but I just can't seem to do it.

I'd love to know more about the "have sex with your partner even when you don't feel like it/are not in the mood or sick" tip, because I don't agree with it and can't see the logic behind it, so I'd love to learn more about the opposite perspective and why you guys go by this tip!

The baby really said ''lemme look like daddy''

Yes Jared, address the problem w/ the potential of tackling it together...rather, than attacking the person.🤗

Divorce Attorney here and married for 20 years. The best marriage advice I have it to follow the 60/40 rule. You should plan to put in 60% of the effort, and only expect 40% effort from your partner. If both sides put in 60%, then there will always be overlap.

I recently said to my husband, “when I judge you I don’t do it out loud. I do it inside and then pray.” Marriage is wild 🥰

Jared should do voice overs for commercials or ads of any kind or something..his voice is so like soothings and his tone is always right lol

So basically Ryu is a star! lol she is so adorable and steals her scenes! Lol

Not have sex even if you're not in the mood ORRR sick!!! that's insane that a partner would even ask anyone of this... it's very telling how much one cares or not about said partner!

“Your standards remain the same, but your expectations are lower“ good thought to keep

They’re such a progressive couple but they’re also so normal! I love it!

Personally, I wonder if it's the word "selfish" being used in space of "independence"...I like "self-full"!

Mutual submission is important. But I actually liked that one about micromanaging

Anyone that says your playfulness is a sign of your incompatibility is without a doubt in a dead-end relationship.

You two are so cute! Such a refreshing, honest partnership. Many blessings!

“It means a lot to me when you laugh at my jokes” 🥺♥️ I feel this! same

Jared is soooo fortunate to have a women like Shann

i love y’all’s love more and more with each video ❤️ always grateful for the wisdom

I’m here for all of this I needed this

Love these types of videos! Especially when you guys deal with conflict and conflict resolution which is something I struggle with coming from a family that would deal with issues with swearing, screaming and extremely childish and unnecessary behaviour then going into toxic relationships where I thought that's how it went down to now trying to be in a healthy relationship. Its hard work breaking habits formed over your lifetime and its nice to see that other people have similar experiences in that it might not be the same circumstances but that everyone does have bad habits to unlearn and re-educate oneself

Man, I love ya’ll. Watching you argue about the hair in the bathroom…😂

LOVE this conversation! So much good advices/suggestions. That self full meaning is wonderful. Is like self care to myself so I feel comfortable and good so I can function and share in a more focus better mood and I can get and give in an open mind ways. Keep this kind of vlogs PLEASE 👍🏽👍🏽👍🏽 love you guys 🥰

State your point without attacking the ego… SO good!!!!!!! Thanks, Y’all.

I could fully relate to this vlog, THANK YOU so much to you both for sharing so openly and freely!

This kinda reminds me of how I handled living with my friends as roommates. This is how we handled things, we waited till we were calm before talking about an issue. It usually helped and we would tackle the issue together, and talk about it. I think a romantic relationship is no different in that aspect

The rawness of your conversations with each other, I love it 😆

Jared has mentioned this quite a few times on Enjoy, the importance of putting your partner in their place without provoking his or her ego. It's something I've been living by for years and applying to all my relationships, whether it be friends, family or even in business. It's really a valuable skill to teach yourself in general. Anyway, it's Winter time in South Africa and I hate it. Seeing you beautiful people looking gorgeous and Summertime-fine is giving me mad FOMO 😭😭😭

Loved the set up in this vid! It was very clean, ethereal and minimal.

I fn love watching y’all have these convos we all wish we could have as easily as y’all do ❤️

I enjoy and love how you guys debate and converse

As usual, the honesty in these conversations are incredible! thankyou

Loved this! I feel like Jared is smarter and more insightful then I previously already thought he was! ❤️

No cap, the “marry someone from a different culture cause it forces you to communicate” is actually very challenging and communication *does not* always come easy. The cultural similarities people from similar backgrounds share is actually v taken for granted in these globalized, woke, #minorityfetished times. Don’t romanticize or fetishize interracial or intercultural relationships, remember just to keep love natural y’all, it’ll come how it comes

Thank you shannon. I genuinely appreciate this reminder. Not everything is worth making an argument about. It's not gonna kill yuh, let it go. Lolzz. Thank you both

I’ve heard a lot of these before. But they somehow hit me differently today. Thanks for the great video.

This is golden. Married and agree with everything 💯

I know I keep saying this, but I’m so glad you guys keep being Rayu “to work”. In other words, it’s cool that you get your videos done with her around because…she’s here and this is real life!

I LOVE LOVE LOVE these conversations especially with the babyyyyy❤️❤️❤️

I love these videos. Great quality content. Thank you!

That title scared me 😬 I ship y'all so hard 👏🏽🌸💗

Love this video and also the point of selffullness. I have been married for 3 months now and that is something we talked about while dating but it has been something that we are both mindfully working on now that we are living together and working from home (we live in a studio) it’s a challenge but the fact that we both know this is important gives us the confidence to know we’ll figure it out.

Loving the crispy vibes, quality, and content. Sheesh🔥🔥

Wonderful video, thank you, Shan and Jared! I absolutely LOVE the tip about the "shut the eff up" filter. I've been with my partner for over three years and I've noticed that we never got overly comfortable with how we address each other, practising the use of "shutting the eff up" since the very beginning without us knowing lol. What I mean exactly is that we're really eager on being polite, gentle and respectful with how we communicate with each other, even though sometimes we do feel like saying A LOT more in our heads lol. Just hold the thought, think if it's actually something that should be said, take a deep breath and move along. It's always been incredibly important for both of us to feel respected, as neither one of us felt that way in our previous relationships and carry our own fair share of traumas with us (but who doesn't, really?). I've noticed that the few arguments that occurred were all centred around not feeling respected enough and we worked through it. I know our relationship hasn't lasted long enough as of yet for us to be the poster children for this tip but I still felt like sharing it. Because man, the relationship is as healthy as can be and we couldn't be happier

I feel delighted when i listen to them wowwww

I love this video ! I needed it ! Thanks guys 💗

Self~full, not provoking ego are my take aways ❤🙌

I love your guys conversations!!!

very insightful!! that tip about not provoking ego.. damn I gotta come back and listen to that

This video, amazing. I think a out this topic daily, thank you for putting it all together

Jared's hair is GOALS!!! Y'all are a Beautiful Lil family ✌🏾😘💕

needed this

Shannnnn! I just saw you on Too hot to handle 💜💜💜💜 you are a true queen.

shan you look great, radiating such beautiful vibes.

The hair thing is a big pet-peeve for me too! We've been married 10 years and ugh😩. It's hard to be selful in marriage still working on it. Great points family!

Shan put me on to Audible! Her voice over really kept my attention

"Living together only on weekends" I would LOVE that!!!

For Nigerian I love you both

My husband and I use humor a lot to poke at each other when we do something that maybe one of us didnt like. Lol it helps a lot!

Ayyyeee Shan used my advice in the video 🙏🏻

People talk shit about your relationship?! What I’m soooooo in love with your guys’ relationship!!!!! 😍😍😍😍

Love your channel Shan! You are soooooooo fab

Estoy enamorada. I LOVE YALL!!

I think triggers (like provoking the ego) can be a challenging but beautiful opportunity to grow

You're welcome💕

Compromise 💖

For the shaving! My man does it too!!!! Get a BEARD CAPE on amazon!!!! Changes everything!!!! Love you guys.

I love your spirited discussions, 😂

I think a better word for what Jared said about putting somebody in their place would be to set "boundaries". Because it's telling somebody that you will not stand for something and demanding respect for that

About bein' self-full.. That's so true. My boyfriend had girlfriend that said to him not to hang out with his friends, he stopped playing tennis and cycling and these two sports are his biggest passions.

Cool video. Advice to have a healthy long term relationship for the next!

It doesn't get any more real than this.

I kept focusing on that cute little baby saying "Mumumum" 🥺

Yes, I call it selfFULL. Fulfilling urself and taking care of your own needs in order to better care for others is different from selfish imo.

Jared's shirt!!!! so fun

You guys look soo God together 😍

The live together separately sounds like an interesting idea

Great content, as usual! I have been in (as close as I’ve found to) a LAT relationship. Loved it! There used to be a dating site for those interested in same, but I now can no longer find it. Do you know of any other resources?

Jared when they were arguing about his shaving is so me 😂😂

The things you brought up are similar to the advice a friend of mine got from his parents. This July I think will be their 53rd anniversary. One of those pieces of advice was to pick your battles, and be respectful when it comes to things you don't think are worth fighting over. The example was religion. This is usually a big thing for people, I know. They work as a couple because they do share the same core values. That being said, Mom grew up Catholic and is a person of faith, and Dad is Agnostic. They don't get on each other about it. Mom would go to church every week. Dad would stay home. The kids got to decide what they wanted to do. They still passed on their values to the kids, and didn't feel that it was a deal breaker. Another thing is the saying don't go to bed angry is actually a toxic idea. This relates to putting your partner in their place without attacking ego I think. If they were having a fight, and they didn't seem to be getting anywhere while angry, which happened a lot because people aren't rational when they're angry, they would separate and cool off. If Dad had to sleep on the sofa in the TV room so be it. It gave them a chance to process solo. Then when they were in a more rational state of mind and had a better way to explain their feelings, they could get back together and discuss in a more productive manner.

I so relate to the tiny hair thing. So annoying 😩😩

I wish It was uploaded few weeks ago 😓🤕 Can’t get over that selfish - self fulness fact @13:15 👏🏼

The STFU filter that Shan's mentioning reminds me of the "price of admission" that Dan Savage mentions... It's such a simple concept of realizing - this is what comes with this human, and I love them, so yeah, fuck it, I need to also accept them.

The secrets one...how does that not erode trust? And who gets to decide what is a secret worth sharing?

Diggin Jared’s sleeve

I don’t think what Jared is talking about is actually selfish, so I agree that the better term is self full or as another comment says, independence. When I think of selfishness I think of someone who only cares for their own needs and their intent is to only progress themselves. The way Jared describes is, making sure you are self sufficient and you are reaching your full potential so that you can be the best person for your family and home. The intent is different, you want to be the best version of yourself for you AND your loved ones. Selfishness is just caring for yourself and that’s it.

Humor for sure ! My husband and I Constantly joke about BS and it definitely took off this “Edge” in the beginning of our relationship that we had. Like you guys said we were constantly poking at The ego. We would have never lasted. We put in a lot of work to have a healthy relationship today and in our marriage but big part was just joking. For myself , I don’t think a lot of women admit there wrong doing. Entering my relationship my husband he was very confident knew what he wanted and didn’t want. I was very insecure took everything so personal. Nick-picked over everything thought ever word and look he gave me ha because I was an overly anxious person in my relationship . With much growth from both of us we developed a 8 years relationship and this year marriage with healthy boundaries Love the conversation

I love the way jared says relationship for some reason haha. love you guys! great tips- really really resonate with the people pleasing and agreeableness.. I definitely need to work on speaking my mind but I also value that I have a strong suit in the agreeableness category! ❤️💕

ONG “how much time they spend in the bathroom” my god I felt this in my core! sis after 30 min I’m like I miss you 🥴😂😂

That wind in her hair was literally hittin 🔥

Well the thing is, selfish means being concerned with yourself with disregard for others, I've noticed people trying to change the word and flip into some self care thing. I would better express this as understanding you have to love yourself right to love anyone else in a healthy manner. Not selfish, but loving others necessitates loving yourself well.

I agree with EVERYTHING! The intimacy part regardless of your mood or health, of course that's a conversation for your individual spouse and that's where the consent and how the order of execution will work for y'all comes into play. I personally agree with it because being intimate with the person YOU married is more than just the act; Its stress relief, fun, comforting, trust bonding and exercise.. We've been through extreme sickness, multiple injuries, situational struggles and still got it done! Opting out of such an important part of your relationship because "you don't feel like it" or its inconvenient is silly to me. Imagine calling your boss and saying you "don't feel like working today" or "your schedule is inconvenient to your nap times", NO WAY! Your boss could replace you in an hour tops! If you deny your partner enough, would it be fair for them to want those needs fulfilled by someone else? If your married, is it not implied that YOU are the #1 person your partner will go to for ALL of their needs? That's a huge responsibility. Im just saying be ready for it.

I know I need to work on the agreeableness. It's been my lifelong problem because I felt like a child-parent- my mom let me make many adult decisions, have too much freedom, and basically just be the boss. So, I expect it in all relationships. Plus, I'm a virgo, and I believe it's affected my personality.