Humanity's actually insane invasion plan &Humanity's actually insane invasion | Best of r/HFY

Humanity's actually insane invasion plan &Humanity's actually insane invasion | Best of r/HFY | 2025

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Күн бұрын

Original Story :
/ humanitys_actually_ins...
/ humanitys_actually_ins...
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{TimeStamps}
00:00 Intro
00:06 Humanity's actually insane invasion plan
13:00 Humanity's actually insane invasion
#ScienceFiction #Storytime #SciFi
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Podcast is Called : ASN Humans Are Space Orcs , HFY and other stories
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This Story is Classified as HFY or Humanity Feck, Yea , but what does the Mean?
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HFY is a story/series that takes a “human element” in either humanity or an “other” (race/species or object) that exists in a “setting” (future or other world/universe) with varying levels of culture, technology, society and history that help show in some shape or form the potential good or bad for humanity’s race/culture. In These stories Humans are often referred to as Human, Humanity, Deathworlder, Hellwolder in reference to the human planet of origin , Earth. This planet is seen by most of the universe as a place where only death and chaos can survive.
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Taken from the FAQ of the r/HFY subreddit.
Humans Are Space Orcs (HASO) or Humans Are (Fantasy Race) Are used as a guide when writing.
In these Stories we normally View humans like the other races view orcs in a Fantasy Novel. We (Humans) share the same characteristics and personalities as orcs. Humans are normally treated as the outsiders and barbarians. Humans tend to be underestimated as well in these stories. Unlike Humanity Feck Yea , these don't always put a positive spin on humans\humanity sometimes looking at the darker side of human and humanity from the perspective of aliens.
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Пікірлер: 292

@RoninIV_unleashed Жыл бұрын

Whomever wrote the speech from the general was actually in the military at one point.

@Jaegerrants Жыл бұрын

Always assume humans have bigger version of the gun you saw. It may be historical ortheoretical but it exists. The moment humans say it's thebigest, add silent "for now" in there. because will make for bigger boom or weaponize mother nature

@JeanLucCaptain Жыл бұрын

ya it as very bombastic hilariously over the top and truly inspirational.

@Volvith Жыл бұрын

I concur. Threatening to vent your own troops for asking stupid questions in the first sentence does sound nostalgic. If i had to guess, somebody was reminiscing about their time in the Marines when writing that.

@craigstephen3216 Жыл бұрын

Thats what i was thinking too!

@RaderizDorret Жыл бұрын

Not only this, but the complaints over the politicians fucking with military objectives and requirements to look good is spot on.

@Wastelandman7000 Жыл бұрын

"We're surrounded...that simplifies our problem." ~Lewis B. "Chesty" Puller USMC

@Wastelandman7000 Жыл бұрын

Listening to this it came to mind.

@ryanstewart2289 Жыл бұрын

The mechanic who silently stood up and walked away was thinking "Well fuck, there goes my night".

@tjunn936 7 ай бұрын

" Fraking drek... They didn't talk to me first... I'm frelled... I need to make this drek happen... I hate my life, I hate my life so much right now... "

@TheRandyWanker 4 ай бұрын

When I was in service, I was stationed in Panama. I had an old M54 short-bed truck. One time when I was at my girlfriend's apartment Sunday, early morning, someone knocked on the door. I have no idea how they found me. I got back to the base and loaded two 600-gallon fuel pods and a fuel pump. Got my butt to the fuel station, loaded with 1200 gallons of DFM, and was ordered to load my butt on an LCM. I was to re-fuel 3 LCMs on my way to hell knows where. The problem was the FUEL pump was broken! Thank god for LCM mechanics, they fixed it in the middle of the ocean. Next 4 weeks I was away from my base. Had a great time there.😄

@Geroskop Жыл бұрын

"it can fire wide array of ammunitions APFSD, fusion flashetts.....SCHRODINGER'S CATS...." - that fucking killed me 😂😂😂😂😂

@swewened6139 Жыл бұрын

I was laughin hard at tht too

@dracodraconias8096 Жыл бұрын

°Did you load the ammo in the "Get Fecked" Cannon? •I think so. °Well that's good enough for me. *Cannon fires without a round in it* °The she'll didn't come out.... •It still fired though.

@SmokeGrinder Жыл бұрын

SCHRODINGER'S CATS, that's a thumbs up for sure.

@Nempo13 9 ай бұрын

@@dracodraconias8096 Literally space ork methodology.

6 ай бұрын

@@Nempo13 Ifz itz workz, itz workz! Waaaaaaaaggggh!

@Elyseon Жыл бұрын

"Who the hell do you think we are?!" - Humanity's motto

@terrorcop101 Жыл бұрын

"Wait, you have bigger ones?!" Of course, how else do you one-shot an entire star system?

@Kriegermeister1 Жыл бұрын

**pushes on the speaker button on my Captain's chair.** "You may fire when ready commander." **A planet and it's moon explode.**

@jonathancastillo5686 Жыл бұрын

star killer base

@polishscribe674 Жыл бұрын

@@jonathancastillo5686death star

@TheMonk72 8 ай бұрын

"Well, there's the JSN-Saitama. We keep that one aside for real threats though."

@mikkelnpetersen 8 ай бұрын

"We always have a bigger gun, if not build, ready to be"

@thesquirrelherder Жыл бұрын

I love the verbal gymnastics required to keep this video monetized.

@TheStarMachine2000 Жыл бұрын

He won the Olympics for this one

@Wastelandman7000 Жыл бұрын

I don't love them, as I hate the stupidity of this system, but, I do love that he went to the trouble of doing it to read the piece to us.

@bvc5320 9 ай бұрын

I also hate the system that force this, but you have to admit Squirrel has mastered the art of working through it.

@JonathanLee-vz6yu Жыл бұрын

Lmfao, when the officer said the GAG 15 type 3, could shoot schrodinger's Cats I literally wet myself with laughter.

@robertstoneking7916 Жыл бұрын

Ahh Pixel, the cat who walks through walls. There's no stopping that one.

@100_American_Bison Жыл бұрын

One hell of a crazy story. But those tankers did steal pillows and what they did is Strategic Transfer of Equipment to Alternate Locations.

@kusada3035 Жыл бұрын

lmfao its a legit acronym S.T.E.A.L

@guamsoncruz5107 9 ай бұрын

ah a fellow fat electrician enjoyer lmao remember its not a war crime the first time!

@MrSirwolf2001 8 ай бұрын

Quack Bang!

@Speed001 4 ай бұрын

I wouldn't be surprised to hear if that has really happened

@JBEEUD Жыл бұрын

"A miniaturized, DOMESTICATED, well behaved Black Hole" "as light and matter try to run away from it, run away from the machines of humanity" I haven't laughed that hard in a while!🤣🤣🤣

@YDV669 Жыл бұрын

Humans can pair-bond with everything. Apparently, even with black holes.

@maurizioginanneschi9402 Жыл бұрын

@@YDV669 Only if they are well-behaved black holes...

@wbnc66 Жыл бұрын

@@maurizioginanneschi9402 black holes are easy, controlling politicians and bean counters that's the tricky bit

@antonberkbigler5759 Жыл бұрын

I feel reverence for TON-618, if that counts. Fucker could easily annihilate even the fourth-hand-knowledge exaggerated versions of Goku and it has more mass than our entire *GALAXY,* if there is an idol resting on the altar of power then it is TON-618.

@Gurtington 10 ай бұрын

I read that as a miniaturized, domesticated, well behaved black guy.... I think I'm spending to much time on sites I shouldn't be looking at

@johncochran8497 Жыл бұрын

Maxim 11. Everything is air-droppable at least once.

@peterwalls-qf7ii Жыл бұрын

Thermodynamics ? Human armies do not believe in letting civilians ,get in the way o the mission. Thermodynamics, if i recall correctly, is a set of laws. They have any complaints , they can talk to the lawyers.

@Volvith Жыл бұрын

For those not familiar with the military, that speech was actually quite kind. Try saying _'we're all going to die'_ in front of a CO briefing you on a mission. God forbid they'd call in the drill sarge for not doing a good enough job.

@koathekid8255 Жыл бұрын

I think he let it off because he was so close to doing the same at the politicians he’d scratch the paint

@Maddog3060 Жыл бұрын

The little Brion's memoirs would take the galaxy by storm, as it was the first widely published non-classified account of humanity's battle prowess by a well-known species. Many commenters would decry its validity, but only until the Space Moth survivors swore up and down that it was exactly as they remembered. The memoirs name didn't help at first: "Insane Space Apes: My Time With the Warnauts"

@rayanderson5797 Жыл бұрын

I like how in this future we have weapons that literally delete their targets. Like you just look at an enemy fortress and go "Nah."

@jaypax Жыл бұрын

Col: "Sergeant. What am I looking at?" Sgt: "An enemy fortress, sir." Col: "I don't want to look at it anymore." *sips coffee* Sgt: "Yes sir!"

@Darqshadow 7 ай бұрын

This speech and the weapons is giving me so many vibes from several universes its making me giggle insanely.

@Xidification Жыл бұрын

The fact that the Whole company had 1 (one) radio and they sent a runner to another company for a replacement (who presumably also only brought one) tells me that not much has changed in the military of the future 🤷

@Iluvantir 11 ай бұрын

"You're understaffed, under-equipped, the plan is shit, the forces against you are vast. We need that target." "Mission: accepted." Later: Done, boss. Fracked up situation, but it's done. Our alien observers are in the psych ward, however."

@VyzraSchattenmond Жыл бұрын

I am just sitting here, laughing, and imagining the pillows getting stolen to cushion the tanks :D

@disturbedwaffle327 Жыл бұрын

I mean, I would prefer some cushioning while plummeting in a tank.

@Jason-sm4oc Жыл бұрын

Of course we have bigger ones, that one didn't even pierce the planetary crust!

@GrimpakTheMook Жыл бұрын

Ah yes, a gravity cannon. The answer to the question "can you weaponize the Higg's boson?"

@NeSeeger 9 ай бұрын

Im pretty sure there is a HFY about humanity weaponizing anything

@oldnick4707 Жыл бұрын

No way in 'H-E-double-toothpicks' would I want to get hit with a Schrodinger's cat!! Hellno!

@Nempo13 9 ай бұрын

Are you really sure you haven't been hit with one? You can't actually ever know...

@oldnick4707 9 ай бұрын

@@Nempo13, 🤔😁

@OGSontar 5 ай бұрын

The problem with that round is you don't know whether or not you hit until the target looks, but the target doesn't know if it was hit until _you_ look. A very confusing round, useful for sowing chaos on the battlefield...or not.

@enoralapatate6891 Жыл бұрын

38:46 "physical form of a Fuck you " 😂 I'm dead. That it. You killed me.

@GlanksFlnks Жыл бұрын

The sheer level of controlled chaos expected from everyone with new and improved idiot proof directions brought back memories

@thatotherguy8138 Жыл бұрын

"We ALWAYS have bigger ones."

@genericuser984 Жыл бұрын

cool they deployed the ODST Orbital Drop Shock Tanks

@MrinsaneMr Жыл бұрын

If I thought marines could actually write, this is what I would assume they would have wrote.

@RevokFarthis Жыл бұрын

They bullied a tech into setting up speech to text

@stephenwallace5969 Жыл бұрын

Crauns rite gud

@shipleypennison2781 Жыл бұрын

@@stephenwallace5969 bro google doesn’t even know what you said😂😂

@ryanelorza2764 Жыл бұрын

@@stephenwallace5969huh???

@KaseyZINC Жыл бұрын

@@stephenwallace5969deffintly a murin

@instarissicco Жыл бұрын

What's truly astonishing is how much this actually sounds like what it would actually go like 🤣

@savevsdeath Жыл бұрын

I believe EVERY word of it. The only fictional part is the space stuff. 🤣

@Meowthix 9 ай бұрын

Somebody could tell me this was just some late ww2 paratrooper plan reworded and i'd believe it.

@yomogami4561 Жыл бұрын

thanks for reaffirming my faith in having a lack of faith of politicos great pair of stories

@WallNutBreaker524 Жыл бұрын

"You fucked with the wrong species." -Humanity

@syncringe1885 Жыл бұрын

The worst part about that speech in the beginning... I can see someone actually yelling it at their soldiers... And some poor alien smuck who just happened to have been sent. Oh and "Wait you have bigger ones..." Is what she said. I'm a grown ass child and I don't care.

@Wei2Vile 9 ай бұрын

"How will the tank crew survive a Halo Drop?" "The 45th stole all the pillows in the ship and stuffed them in the tanks. Good luck having a good sleep when you get back!" :D

@petergould9174 7 ай бұрын

I know; the mechanics response way too much like reality 😂😂😂

@taitano12 Жыл бұрын

Well, yeah. There's still a planet and stellar system, isn't there? DARPA's probably working on a Galaxy Gun by now. Take out a star cluster in one shot.

@osmacar5331 Жыл бұрын

ah, the most terrifying ammunition type. a paradoxical cat.

@GabrielArchon Жыл бұрын

I deeply enjoy the fact that one of the most useful tactics was to Wreck-it Ralph the moths. FIRE THE LAMP.

@madnimrod2489 Жыл бұрын

This was a fun pair of stories. Was a bit scary at first, but then again, the crazy plans always work. And that short bit of attraction in the medical shed was cute.

@hayorge27 Жыл бұрын

Never realized sci-fi could be so 😎

@Arexack999 Жыл бұрын

What?! Scifi is the exemplar of 🥸

@shaincastillo6772 Жыл бұрын

The nanites have taken another one @Agro Squirrel

@chrstfer2452 Жыл бұрын

You mustve never seen bladerunner

@chrisweiss6363 Жыл бұрын

I also like netnarrator

@Hellsong89 5 ай бұрын

Someone havent ever before enjoyed scifi it seems. That is where the cool is...though its easiest to write since such wide range of possibilities, while say earth born stories are somewhat limited by say gravity

@baconthedarklord970 Жыл бұрын

What killed me was "Wait... YOU HAVE BIGGER ONES?!?"

@PhoenixThunderheart Жыл бұрын

This Author Militarys. Maybe a Army or Marine vet. Great story!

@lainesprowl5582 Жыл бұрын

I saved the offers a army vet do the s*** talking he gives the Marines

@The_Viscount Жыл бұрын

There is no problem that cannot be solved with liberal application of firepower. If it doesn't solve the problem, you aren't using enough.

@savevsdeath Жыл бұрын

Ahh...flashbacks to my military days. Good times.

@controlledchaos9698 9 ай бұрын

Dude...as someone in the military, i feel that speech in my soul.

@GenStallion Жыл бұрын

I was apart of a group called the 43, this amuses me greatly.

@lorenzotorresi4474 Жыл бұрын

I nearly choked in laughs at " just a physical of fuck you"

@LegendStormcrow Жыл бұрын

For a moment I was confused when he said a torch with a battery. I guess the translators work in the king's English.

@TheCombatEditor62 Жыл бұрын

Uncoordinated planetary landing? infantry units only? no air support, naval support, tanks or artillery? why do I get the feeling I'm about to witness Klendathu?

@oldnick4707 Жыл бұрын

Hey now, we can ill-afford another Klendathu!

@lukasexler Жыл бұрын

yea we have some crazy plans but i still wait for the technology to allow us rocket jump so i think we are ok

@Demonicpurity Жыл бұрын

Unfortunately, it is hard to tell if the time/space laceration rounds are effective or not as we have yet to find a worthy target to test on. Although some scientists do theorize that in itself might represent a successful firing.

@Steelwhip2001 Жыл бұрын

well hell..sounds like SOP for every military maneuver I ever was a part of....must be Tuesday.

@Nempo13 9 ай бұрын

Especially the whole, yeah we hate those guys but they are MY punching bag...the enemy isn't allowed. Which pretty much sums up how the branches see one another lol.

@cannab-al9582 Жыл бұрын

Lol i was just calling someone a crayon eater as the guy says the person planning the mission had half eaten Crayons

@Mobius_118N7 5 ай бұрын

If we don't know what we're doing, the enemy definitely won't know either.

@benjamintherogue2421 9 ай бұрын

As someone who has slept under running fighter jets in a combat zone, we really can sleep anywhere. This was clearly written by someone in the military.

@ArchonSG1 Жыл бұрын

Very enjoyable story. Luckily the situation wasn't true FUBAR just SNAFU, just another day in the Military. 😂 Love the idea of the cannon though, harness the power of a black hole to propel your payload, use hyperdimensional travel to exploit range and in human terms, cause a really big unstoppable **KAAABOOOOMM!"

@yomogami4561 Жыл бұрын

ivanova would be pleased. boom today. big boom. big bada boom

@robertalexander5892 Жыл бұрын

@@yomogami4561 Except they didn't fill like waiting for tomorrow's boooom, they wanted it today.

@ernestmac13 Жыл бұрын

Yes SSDD, just as another wonderful day in the military, surprised hurry up and wait wasn't part of this story, lol.

@kusada3035 Жыл бұрын

the japanese series space battleship yamato also used black holes by compressing hawking radiation & releasing it as a beam that could pour blue piss on a planet & crack it, the entire cannon assembly is the same length as the cannon on the Ignis, so they mount it to a starship camouflaged as a hull of a ww2 battleship, the Yamato, like the GAU-8 on an A-10 thunderbolt

@gman1515 Жыл бұрын

Why does the high tech gravity rail gun need apfsds ammo? How does a discarding sabot work at relativistic speeds? I have so many questions

@fahrimertdincer8421 Жыл бұрын

light speed penetrative round .... oh god its just glorified fusion bomb

@cousinzeke4888 Жыл бұрын

I don't know about fin stabilization in space but a sabot would work the same as ever.

@topkek996 10 ай бұрын

Most likely some subcontractor sells exclusively the fin stabilizers to the military while the senate gets kickbacks. Like nowadays

@gman1515 10 ай бұрын

@@cousinzeke4888 would it? In the void there would be no resistance to cause the sabot to discard, so it would act more like a composite round (soft outer casing, penetrating inner core). And moving in atmosphere I don't think the sabot would have time to detach because it would reach it's target in nanoseconds.

@cousinzeke4888 10 ай бұрын

@@gman1515 It doesn't really matter if the sabot breaks off, it's job is just to create a good gas seal and keep the round centered in the bore. You'd just have the penetrator hit along with a couple pieces of junk.

@johnwoods3184 7 ай бұрын

In the 77th year of the twentieth century I was able to sleep in a flying CH-47 Troop Transport!

@Hellsong89 5 ай бұрын

With enough hearing damage you are not bothered by noise, just tinnitus, That only leaves bumpy ride and vibrations, but if you are tired enough, you sleep absolutely anywhere and in military you learn to take powernaps even while standing attention, or so i have heard.

@TairnKA Жыл бұрын

At 36:18; with the question and the answer at 36:26 I was expecting to hear a description of a battleship, maybe in the next episode, but this "Battlecruiser" was more than sufficient (they should have gotten their heads down). ;-)

@Meanslicer43 Жыл бұрын

Orbital drops of tanks sounds.... amazing.

@thutanyanmarcus4134 11 ай бұрын

A HALO drop, or as I like to call it "High Altitude LEEROYYY JENKINNNSSS Orbital" drop

@JeanLucCaptain Жыл бұрын

if the plan is insane the enemy cannot possibly prepare for it LOL.

@KroMagnum4 Жыл бұрын

Me likum crayons! Oddly I felt inspired to go out and fek something up🤣🤣🤣🤣

@cannab-al9582 Жыл бұрын

"played a funny game. It involves sticks of many legnths and someone always gets butthurt"........😂😂😂😂

@markuhler2664 Жыл бұрын

"... as if we didn't just witness something that defies the laws of thermodynamics." That's why you shouldn't teach thermodynamics to weapon developers.

@NeSeeger 9 ай бұрын

"I never studied Law" -RoadRunner

@sinpathicenderson1198 11 ай бұрын

i love that explination at the end and then " wait, you have bigger ones"

@DaWhiteWolffie Жыл бұрын

This was fricken HILARIOUS.

@RealArcalian Жыл бұрын

Greetings Mentlegent! For the Rhyhtm that is Algo Hidden Reinforcements and a black hole gun. Sounds about right.

@Vonbek32 Жыл бұрын

That should be a series lol that was awesome

@Monster_Ink Жыл бұрын

This was great, thanks for the story & narration! For the algorithm!

@EroDisdain Жыл бұрын

I can feel the love from all the crayons in that speech YES SIR!

@BuilderB08 Жыл бұрын

41:00 I would assume that you can’t really use that in space combat, because that seems like the type of thing to violently implode/explode if shot while firing.

@andreacaramaschi9056 6 ай бұрын

I assume that in the setting this story is narrated in it would count as “calculated risk”

@GhoulishBrush Жыл бұрын

Probably just me but I can’t stop imagining the Brions looking like the Avali furry species.

@WE_DONT_LIE Жыл бұрын

I see nothing wrong with the plan

@insanecrazyman7637 Жыл бұрын

I wanna know what the Schrodinger's cats ammo is...

@oldnick4707 Жыл бұрын

I wouldn't even want to get hit by the box! Lol!

@nobodyimportant2470 Жыл бұрын

It both does and doesn't exist until fired When the quantum state collapses the planet's core will be destroyed or the atmosphere will burn off from the mussel flash of a blank.

@ceu160193 Жыл бұрын

Probably just means, that you either exist or not, after being hit by it. At random.

@GabrielArchon Жыл бұрын

@@ceu160193 If at first it doesn't work, fire again until probability and quantum observation decide the target, in fact, doesn't exist.

@elfeater1760 Жыл бұрын

For the Algorithm11!

@nos2342 Жыл бұрын

To please the algorithm is all

@proudamerican183 5 ай бұрын

1:13 This really be a "hold my beer" moment. 😂

@danielleriley2796 5 ай бұрын

You are so good at reading these stories. I thought the AI read ones were good, however you proved me wrong and now I only listen to yours. Thanks and thanks to the authors.

@diyindinee7492 7 ай бұрын

Thank you for the story!

@juandp3862 10 ай бұрын

I've been looking for this video for 6 months

@unspacy2099ad Жыл бұрын

OH MY GOD I WAS LAUGHING MY HAD OFF !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!LOVE IT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

@lunkystraydog6572 Жыл бұрын

When the space rabbits realize the humans half @$$ stuff

@jeffhall4228 7 ай бұрын

Thanks, that was an amazing story

@hanzzel6086 Жыл бұрын

FOR ENTERTAINMENT! FOR THE VOICE! FOR THE ALGORITHM! WE LEAVE OUR LIKES AND COMMENTS!

@luisortiz9017 4 ай бұрын

7:34 best quote ever yet😂😂😂

@Melanesian-dude 6 ай бұрын

im listening to the logistics of this and i dont think enough people understand how much of a bloody miracle this operation was

@victortahlor4038 Жыл бұрын

Thank you for the reading

@johndacey4631 14 күн бұрын

if only i could give multiple thumbs up!!!

@donaldscholand4617 Жыл бұрын

I wonder what the Moths did to piss humanity off. Fly around our porch lights in an aggressive manner?

@hanzzel6086 Жыл бұрын

Nah, they ate a hole in some politicians $10,000 doll suit. And then ate the Marines crayon rations.

@MourningNihilist Жыл бұрын

That was friggin awesome

@hawkforce4295 7 ай бұрын

Cracks me up. Will say ass, but not shit? Or many colorful words of the english language

@firatsanliturk 7 ай бұрын

I giggled more than once at the colonel's antics. God bless him.

@Speed001 4 ай бұрын

7/10 for sleeping under rocks, we really can sleep anywhere if made too

@frankmoore3598 6 ай бұрын

Shrodlinger’s cat 😂😂😂😂

@HunterX109 5 ай бұрын

Props to the story writer I was a little disappointed when if they said they were surrounded they could have said "Good now we know where they are, and who to kill!" Also, the speech sounded way to much like a real military one in real life. But yes the last part of "WAIT YOU HAVE BIGGER ONES!?" was the best!

@redhausser7492 Жыл бұрын

This is definetely something that would happen 100%

@caelestigladii 8 ай бұрын

This is like ww2 in space. No working radio? Every soldier we have NOW have radio.

@KwaterbugBUTCHER 6 ай бұрын

For the Algorithm ,For the Author(s), For the Disembodied voice!

@Darqshadow 7 ай бұрын

I have read speeches stretching from when we fought in Linear Warfare to now that contained this man's wrath.

@emilschw8924 10 ай бұрын

4:06 - 37. There is no 'overkill.' There is only 'open fire' and 'I need to reload. Best to send in a huge detachment of your troops so as to overwhelm the enemy. Otherwise you'll need to go back for seconds. And thirds.