Making your girlfriend go through a weird ass sexist “family initiation” tradition 100% makes you an asshole. The boyfriend is saying “in my family women are expected to cook for the men and any woman who chooses not to is ostracized”. He emphasizes that she needs to make a good first impression on the family and doesn’t seem to understand that the family is also making a first impression on HER.

In that sexism story, Sam 2 doesn't realize that the gf is aware that the world isn't perfect, but her values and boundaries will not be compromised to appease them when she is clearly uncomfortable. She isn't controlling what that family should do but rather what she does. So, she chooses not to partake in something people may regard as "not that serious" because she and many other women are aware that sexism does not end there, it never does, it goes deeper. If she accepted those terms and eventually joined the family, she would soon realize that sexism does in fact run deep in a sexist family. Then it could be that serious.

“I don’t think breast milk is any weirder than goat or cow milk” …but SHE’S uncomfortable with it. It’s from HER body and she specified that she didn’t want him to eat from it. And then her father in law, a man who’s supposed to make her feel safe and trusting goes and consumes her breast milk products after she explicitly said it was for her baby. I don’t get how there’s any confusion there😭😭

How is the boyfriend in the sexism story compromising? Y'all keep bringing up a compromise, but I'm hearing, "the girlfriend has to do what he asks her to do." That's literally not compromise.

So if a new woman chooses not to cook at a family gathering, they get mistreated by the family and the boyfriend is gonna let that slide? Chances are all the relationships that havnt lasted past the first family event ended because the women were chased off by the family.

Its weird that you didnt mention the ostisizing at all in the story about the girlfriend. Like at all thats the main thing that makes this sexist and it was ignored. She couldve gone and just had fun no problem right? No they literally wouldve been rude and catty to her by the boyfriends admissiom how is that NOT a problem or factor here?

im sorry but a father in law being interested in his daughter in laws breast milk automatically has perverted connotations, especially because he used multiple heart eye emojis the first time. theres no getting around him being perverted and her thinking he is, isnt her sexualizing it, she was just calling it out. we werent there in person so ee dont know his vibes, and he directly disrespected her boundary when she left rhe room! thats so telling about his intentions.

What about the fact that it's not just the their first impression of her but also her first impression of his family. Do you really want to be starting off being fake and building the foundation of the rest of the relationship with them on that? What if they think she doesnt mind and she has to play along indefinitely? This mindset is exactly what causes strife between in-laws and the spouse - resentment overtime.

The sexist part is the men NOT cooking. If I were her I would do it, but I’d ask him to be the one guy who is joining me in that kitchen. Happy to make his family comfortable-if he can show that he’ll challenge their status quo.

honestly with the breast milk thing, her saying no and him doing it anyway is already sus. regardless of what either of their motivations were, he heard no and went against her wishes and did it anyway. she can't trust that man with anything anymore.

I knew before the update that the breast milk story was sexual. She wasn’t “making it sexual.” I’m surprised everyone was so quick to make it seem like she was being dramatic.

The story about the girlfriend needing to cook for a first impression really resonates with me. My husband is South African & I am American, when South Africans gather for a braai (grilling & feast), the men make the fire & cook the meat outside, while the women stay inside to make sides and serve drinks. Right from the start of our relationship, I shut down these weird rules by having braai's at my house and making the fire myself and cooking the meat for everyone, abd I have met resistance on it a few times, men trying to butt in and take over the grilling, but I gently said no that's okay I got this but would you please grab me a soda? Now I am known as a very good braai master and I have curated alot of respect. It is always worth it to stand up for your values, because people might disagree with you but with still find respect for you because you are firm in sticking to your morals.

So with the misogynistic family...it rubbed me wrong that men in the conversation were saying just to put up with it. But also, why doesn't the boyfriend stand up to his family and tell them he's not going to ask his girlfriends to do this? He can stand up to his family, instead of putting the onnus on his girlfriends to endure sexism. Men being too cowardly to stand up to their families for what might be their significant other in the future and telling about what kind of partner he'll be...yeah, it's a no for me.

The first story is such a millennial take. Yall are too grown to be pretending it would just be one time. Bffr. And why does she need to be seen as a submitting to this silly rule to be liked? The men don't. This is how we perpetuate a toxic system.

Some days, it's hard to hear this discussion 🙄

9:27 I will never understand people who go after women or men that don’t fit their family dynamics if they just gonna appease their families. If you know how your partner is and still be with them knowing the possibilities and still want them to do something you know for a fact they wouldn’t like. You shouldn’t of dated them or cared about what your family would think. Whether it’s a good impression or not the fact that you would be treated like trash for not wanting to part take in the tradition sort of shows how they really are no? A good impression should be consisted of being respectful, kind and appropriate. Not forcing a 100 decade ideal. It’s also suspicious that he didn’t go into detail on what these traditions actually are. I doubt it’s just her being in the kitchen that made her upset.

It’s crazy that he brought his own chair and the pregnant lady felt entitled to it lmaoo

You guys were focused so much on the breast milk muffins that you forgot that he sent a text message with 😍😍😍 about trying her breastmilk popsicles prior to that, which was the first indicator he's a creep

the last story: LEAVE HIM!!! He doesn’t respect your boundaries so leave him

Brandon: “it’s just what the family does” does that make it acceptable? This is wild. Why don’t the men cook while the women hang out and bond? This is crazy disappointing

I absolutely make food for my baby with breast milk and have made breast milk popsicles. I have never tried breast milk muffins because I never thought of it, but I will as soon as my baby can eat them safely. So many people make baby food with formula and breast milk as an easier transition to food. That being said, don’t touch my baby’s food especially since the baby needs those specific nutrients that my body makes specifically for him.

Sam, she didn’t offer the breast milk items to him and FIL went to eat it anyway. Especially after the emoji comment he left 😭

The breast milk thing. It doesn't matter how we feel about it, the mom said no. It IS personal, so her word rules, period. And cooking with breastmilk is super common, it is a great way to get extra nutrients into babies. And sometimes frozen milk just needs to be used, and some moms make a lot of milk. There is truly nothing to debate about this.

The pregnant woman in the chair story is infuriating. Her poor planning is her own fault. The OP brought his own chair, no obligation to give it up

With the pregnant lady, this is what makes having an invisible disability so difficult. I've gotten the side-eye from old people and pregnant ladies before when not offering them my spot on the bus because i look totally healthy even while I'm actively trying not to fall over or faint before i get home. You don't know what other people are struggling with, so it's fine to ask but you aren't entitled to other people's property. Yeah if he wants to offer it, that's good community building BC he doesn't have to

I'm surprised about the response regarding the sexist family. The boyfriend seems to be aware that it is sexist but isn't willing to stand up for her at all. He should have either supported her in not serving the men or joined her in cooking. He is being spineless and part of the problem. There is a difference between this being an innocent tradition of the girls getting to know each other (like you guys seemed to depict) versus being a mandatory sexist task where you get socially ridiculed and bullied if you don't participate. If I were the girlfriend, I wouldn't want to be associated with people who are sexist like that anyway.

Weaning a baby can include giving things the taste of breastmilk so the baby has an easier transition. This baby is probably more like 2, that mom sounds granola and its normal for her and others. The mom is making treats specifically for the baby to eat.

The breast milk muffin thing seems like the woman could tell the father in law's intentions are sexual, and even if she doesn't see breastfeeding or milk as sexual so much as intimate

the breast milk stuff is not weird at all, she said her baby was weaning so obviously it's eating more solid foods and could handle some muffins.

Wtf is up with Sam 1 and the breast milk? She has extra breast milk so shes using it. Thats not weird and yes a 7 month old can eat muffins.

I don't know if anyone in this podcast ever was part of another culture. Also why can't the boyfriend "just cut carrots"? Sorry to say that, but that's so naive to think anything like that is a seperate tradition and not part of a whole family dynamic. I wouldn't go and if that would be a problem, that's where our ways part. I come from a family like that and that not something she does "for the first impression". It's the beginning and mostly it get worse. And men who aren't taking a stand and push her into this, aren't staying with that "progressive" mindset they want to present after marriage. Don't start with that. That's not a one time compromise. Value yourself without exception.

Another thing about the food blogger if she is verified on insta and is getting paid for it he is messing with their money smh yeah they need to split up

I can understand if they did want to make the compromise to make a good impression and maybe try to gain ground later. But at the end of the day if she refuses that’s her decision and she’ll have to face that reality. She’s within her rights to do so and the bf should have her back best he can. If I was her meeting his whole family I would be concerned about being separated from my partner most of the party and if he wanted to compromise he could have offered to cook with the women. It shouldn’t be all on her.

Going along with a tradition that goes against your beliefs for a partner just breeds resentment. She’s going to get annoyed that he is the reason she has to do that. The only compromise I could ever see is if they only say the family out to eat so no one is cooking. She shouldn’t have be put in the position where you either abide by these clearly unfair rules or be ostracized.

Men eat first in my family. My husband refuses until my son and I have food.

Naaaahh the guy is TA in the last story, i totally disagree with Sam 1. HE'S the two year old. She tried to have a mature conversion with him and he said okay then decided to be a jerk.

The family tradition thing, all the takes just sound like compliance.

breast milk has countless benefits for babies, it’s antiviral and has all the nourishment their little bodies need. it’s the perfect way to transition babies into eating solid food! definitely not weird for mama to make her baby breast milk muffins. fil crossed a boundary for her though so not ok for him

The boyfriend in the sexist initiation family should protest by insisting that he get involved in helping to cook. Then it isn't all women and his girlfriend isn't left totally alone working on a meal with people she has never met.

It's not her chair! Bottom line, no one is entitled to anyone else's property. If it was her husband who brought a chair and she didn't, she maybe could complain when he didn't let her use it and hadn't offered to bring her one while grabbing his own. This is a stranger! I am a part-time wheelchair user due to sickle cell anemia and a hip replacement. Thus, I can walk but use a wheelchair when I'm too fatigued or in pain. If a pregnant person is having trouble walking in the mall, am I obligated to hand over my wheelchair because a stranger got tired due to their (often self-induced) condition? No! Your lack of planning is not my emergency. Able-bodied people who choose natural family planning to have children need to understand that they are opting in to the temporary disability of pregnancy. It is an encumbrance, but one you chose. You need to figure out how to deal with it between yourself and whoever got you pregnant. And without years of chronic pain and limited mobility, there is no way you would know if you would have given up your chair.

28:38 Sam you freak… Sam… Come on… if it was consensual that’s one thing but the op finds it weird and that’s all that matters cuz it’s HER breast milk. That just feels selfish to me like yeah YOU don’t find it weird but who tf are you to talk brother last time I checked you can’t lactate so🤨 also yes, human milk is different than animal milk. Be serious.

To me the story about the girlfriend and the "family traditions" is really about hazing and whether or not it is acceptable to continue the cycle of hazing. Any was you look at it she will lose. If she does it and they don't like it, she will be ostracized. If she doesn't, she'll be ostracized. If she does it and they like it they will make her do it again or else.

Why do Sam’s takes get worse every episode?

I’m pregnant (with my second little one) and in THIS situation, that OP was NOT the a**hole (regardless of whether he was or was not having his own physical issues). There are moments or situations that catch you unexpectedly when you are pregnant. So you quickly have to make adjustments to whatever plans or ideas you had thought of. However, all it takes is one time to realize and then you prepare for the possibility of that situation happening again. Let’s say she didn’t realize she was going to have to stand for a long period of time…. I would have A. Gone back to the car, or B. Sat on the floor. I would have NEVER thought to ask someone else who prepared ahead for THEIR chair. Now if the chairs/benches were provided by the location and everyone could sit. Then maybe I’d ask if someone could make a bit of space for me once I got tired of standing.

like many things, if it feels wrong, it probably is. the mom felt the dad was being perverted about the breast milk and surprise surprise, he was. I don’t get why they were nocking her for saying that and “sexualizing” her breast milk. things like that usually feel weird and off before the person goes further to an undeniably perverted action. it’s listening to your gut.

I think that the reason the FIL is weird for eating the muffin bc I cannot think of a reason for him to want to eat it after being told no repeatedly except for it being something he’s /into/

If i had to cook for all of my inlaws to pass the family test as a woman I wouldn’t marry into that family. If they take women cooking THAT seriously you know they’re probably going to be a big pain when it comes to the wedding, babies, and everything else the women do.

I don’t think it’s weird if someone wants to drink breast milk or eats products made with breast milk. However, it IS weird when you insist on drinking the breast milk of someone who does not consent to you consuming their breast milk.

FIL is a very strange man. Gotta think that he has some ulterior motive if he is eating them so eagerly after being explicitly told not to and explicitly told they had her breast milk in them

I gotta say, I'm a bit disappointed about the replies about the sexist traditions story. No one called the family out for treating someone like shit for not doing what they want. That's flat out abusive. Why is misogyny and abuse EVER ok? Why is she wrong for not wanting to be treated like that?

Wow the breast milk takes are crazy LMFAO

Some of y’all’s takes remind me you’re in your early to mid twenties.

I've seen twice now (once with a girl who was vegan, and this instance) that sam will assume that a person acting based on personal moral code is doing so to fulfill a sense of self righteousness and to make an attempt at larger change. It doesn't seem to cross his mind that some of these people are just enacting a boundary and not attempting to control other people's behavior. The gf in this instance wasn't trying to change the family's tradition, she just didn't want to partake in it herself so she opted to stay home. That's not being controlling, that's just enforcing her own boundaries.

I think the second story would be different if he came at it in terms of supporting her but he just wants her to comply to make things easy for both of them. It’s her choice, I get having a difficult family but this is not just a one time thing it’s a value system. Even if he doesn’t agree with it if he’s not willing to stand by her it is going to continue to be a problem when things are more serious and his family does more problematic things. He doesn’t have to fight his family but she can stay home or if she agrees they can go as a team and he can step in, try to make things light hearted and get in the kitchen and cook with them. He doesn’t have to make steps to bring change if he doesn’t want to but if he’s not willing to make room for who she is then she shouldn’t have squeeze herself into a mould to be the right fit.

🤣🤣🤣😭 I am screaming at the first part but yeah why would he say that right out. Was not his place to put his gf business out their and that is a touchy subject. Like all aggressive.

I think people don't understand from the first story that the vast majority of devout Muslims do not believe that dating is allowed. Depending on how religious her parents are, simply acknowledging the fact that she has a boyfriend is basically saying she's not Muslim anymore, or at the very least not as Muslim as they are. The boyfriend kind of couldn't introduce himself honestly without at least partially revealing that she no longer believed in something her parents did. (Disclaimer: I myself am not Muslim but I did live in the Muslim country for 2 years and I have many Muslim friends who, at least based on their understanding and the way the religion is taught in their culture, have said "dating" as Americans usually do it is not permissable. My Muslim friends who have gotten married all spoke with their now husbands before meeting, had video calls, maybe were even friends, etc, but they didn't even kiss until becoming officially engaged)

Story 2, It's not even a bonding moment because the women who've gone through it do not want to continue

Wow, everyone's reactions on the story with the sexist family tradition really gave me the ick. Imo it's so clear that OP is an asshole and I think they're giving him too much grace

For the second story: 100% YTA. I see this a lot in Latino families where the women cook and the men do nothing, and while you could argue that it’s just how the family does things that dynamic continues to uphold gender norms and machismo within the family. The reason the family does it is because the majority of the people do believe in the sexist/patriarchal gender roles. It’s not just “how” they do things but values that they’ll also pass down to their children who will be ostracized. Also, the fact that the women who don’t cook were ostracized should have given you an inkling that it’s not just “how the family does things” but that they actually believe in these sexist beliefs that women should do the cooking/cleaning.

These episodes are way too short

Nah the first op is def the ah. If my gf didn't wanna cook at a family dinner, she don't wanna cook and she's not going to. And if my hypothetical family (cuz my real family would never) wanted to act like petty ass sexists, i'm calling them out 🤷🏾 y'all aren't gonna disrespect and ostracize my gf just cuz the men are too lazy to have a basic life skill. If anything, gf should break up with op, cuz obviously his family views gender roles a certain way and that dinner is not gonna be a one time thing with people like that.

the breast milk story is weird bc he specifically knows and has been told she’s uncomfortable with it. and he seems to be enamored and just loves the idea of drinking his DAUGHTWR IN LAWS breast milk i hate Sam 2 saying it isn’t and i found it weird how Sam 1 was criticizing OP for making things out of her breast milk, it’s called liquid gold for a reason of course she’s gonna make a lot out of it especially if she’s producing a lot

Every time I watch this hoping for a good take and every time it’s clear no one will ever give one

This whole episode was a trip, it seemed like everyone was playing devil’s advocate for everyone in the story who was obviously in the wrong. To call the gf childish in the last story though because she didn’t pay for bfs food is weird. “It was an agreed upon deal” so was him letting her take pics of the food??

Y’all needed ALLL THOSE DETAILS about the breastmilk story to see a red flag??! Even if we want to say “breasts aren’t sexual,” the general premise is that drinking fluids secreted from another human is pretty effing intimate. He was clearly fetishizing her. Anything can be sexual. Feet aren’t a sexual organ, but foot pics are a thing. It would be perverted and creepy if he was trying to collect her toenails or take pics of her feet. The fluid having caloric value or being a food for a baby is completely irrelevant to whether or not it’s appropriate for him to help himself to her fluids. Also, a weaning baby can eat muffins, and she’s taking breastmilk the baby would normally have had in a bottle and incorporating it into other foods. It might not be a practice in every single household, but it’s also not uncommon for breastfeeding families; especially the popsicles. Breastmilk still needs to be the primary food at that age, and few things are as calorically dense, and this way baby tries new textures while still getting those calories while they are still too young for cow milk.

Bro sams take on breast milk is wild sometimes y’all have the most out of pocket takes i stg

It’s crazy how we as HUMAN have been taught that consuming HUMAN milk is worse then consuming another animal’s. We are the only mammals that consume milk from other mammals on a consistent basis. It makes it even more crazy that it wasn’t that long ago that humans shared their milk with babies they weren’t theirs either due to status or the bio mom not being able to nurse her own baby. The terms *bosom buddies* and *nurse maid* were created from that🤷🏾‍♀️

LMAO as a doula i literally cringe through the responses on episodes with stories that involve pregnancy, labor, breast milk etc. Childbirth classes should be required for any adult who ever wants children because YIKES. Never thought I’d be so aligned with something Sam (2) was saying lol. To be disgusted by human breast milk when you eat dairy is actually wild. Ive never seen sexually active adults be disgusted by French kissing, oral sex or penetrative sex all of which exchange bodily fluids. To be clear I think the entire family is weird for their take on breast milk, and grandpa is also a full blown weirdo lol

The breast milk story….. many moms make things for their babies that contain their milk. I couldn’t produce but I would never think it’s weird for a baby to eat something with breast milk. And….. she said her baby was 7 months old…. Old enough to eat just about anything depending on development.

If the family is a bunch of assholes to people who dont participate then they all are the assholes. Thats nuts, my family is very musical and we get together and play instruments and the people who cant play guitar or something get handed other instruments that they can play easily. No one is made to feel like a piece of shit if they don't participate though, the option is just there.

Story 1: that was so out of pocket. I'm not sure what kind of flag that is but I definitely know it's red

Your soundboard gives me so much life

Hospitals, NICUs do take breast milk donations for premies or for babies when moms are having trouble breastfeeding.

I think with the family cooking story she is not wrong for defending her morals, i also think he's not necessarily in the wrong because hes not just tryibg to force her to cook but he wants her to be able to spend time wirh his family. I think what'll be important is how they handle that. If she doesnt want to and he wants her to stay around, he should help her wirh protesting and navigating the situation. He needs to be the one to speak up so they don't look at her as the bad guy.

I don’t think drinking breast milk is crazy it’s just milk but drinking your daughter in laws breast milk esp when she specifically said no that’s really really weird

As a breast milk producing mama, the fact that humans drink milk from other species weirds me out way more than a human drinking another human's milk.

They don't understand because sexism is normalized. Even that older lady seemed like the type who would adamently uphold those beliefs. I think the men in the video would understand If it was a white family that made all the non-whites cook for them as a tradition. Just because we've been desentized to women having the role of subordinates doesn't mean it's ok for a women to throw away her own dignity and put up with these ideas.

Yeah checks out.😂 Babies don't eat muffins 😅

Our family got snowed in and ran out of milk...I used breastmilk to make muffins for my kids and husband. I didn't tell them that's what it was until after they had eaten. Even though all my sons were breastfed they still wouldn't have eaten it.

If he didn't tell the mother that he was her bf what would she have told her mom? A lie? He didn't need to tell her that the daughter isn't Muslim anymore. That was unnecessary.

Yeah you guys miss the whole point in the second story. She was supposed to coo the meal and serve the men! The wife’s don’t help! They only judge if the new girl isn’t being submissive. He even said they get bad treatment If they don’t cook. It’s not her just in the kitchen helping, they wanted her to cook. To see if she is good Enough to be part of the family.

After hearing this I’m curious on how breast milk muffins taste and now can’t wait to get pregnant 😂

🙄 im glad yall have groen just a teensy bit because sexism is strong here in the early eps

"Play by the rules" hell no

Having olddddd school Asian parents I completely understand the first story (times have changed my parents but some roots are still there just because that’s how they grew up, it was a different time). My family would never do things like this no and make you feel like shit cause you didn’t cook with the other women no, but having two older sisters they were very strict on them compared to me and my younger brother. My sisters barely had social lives, didn’t see their first birthday party till they were much older and can never have friends or boyfriends over. And when asked why is because “you are a girl”. Me and my brother on the other hand, I would stay out till 3am+ on multiple occasions without any judgement. I understand where both OP and the girlfriend are coming from. Her boundaries matter very very much and if she feel uncomfortable than she has the right to not attend. But OP I completely relate just because sexism is bad yes and my parents to some degree these days are but it doesn’t mean they are terrible people, just as some of them said, it doesn’t sound like the women are being the men’s step stools no, it doesn’t seem like that at all. So just playing along for that one night doesn’t seem terrible but I can see why it’s degrading.

If I was in line with chair man I probably would’ve told them to stop asking OP. Like stop harassing him when he already said no.

Neuropathy in the feet is no joke, that dude could have had some actual problems that would cause extreme pain if he stands for long durations. Just because a lady is pregnant doesnt mean she cant plan ahead as well.

2nd story. I think its important to see red flags in your partners family as much as you would see them in your partner. Because clearly this tradition doesnt allign w the gfs beliefs, and if theyre this conservative with this, theyre going to be conservative with other things. Which means there will always be points of contention. I also think it is important for her to feel she has full support from OP. And she does not. He couldve explained what the situation is and let her choose what to do. As opposed to asking her to sacrifice her comfort in an already awkward situation.This is one of those points where she has to make a choice to either accept this is how it is going to be if she decides to stay in this relationship, or if it isnt worth it for her feelings to be put second for the comfort of others.

34:50 now I got the whole story.🤢🤮 he’s sick!

Lol the breastmilk story 😂 Also it’s so normal to make things with breastmilk and babies DO eat muffins that’s literally some of the infants i watch favorite snack..😂

Oooo I’m early yay!

I wouldn’t consume anyone’s breast milk because they produce a finite amount at a time. BUT I don’t consider it to be sexual unless as Sam 2 said “it’s coming straight from the Taft” cuz now that’s foreplay. Any milk that’s not vegan is “from the body” the question is, would you rather get it from a consenting adult or an unconsenting animal? It’s definitely weird that he ate the muffin even though she said not to but it’s not overtly sexual.

Their views in this episode are wild

Comparing a sexist tradition to watching football and drinking a beer. I want to like this series/podcast, but some takes of yours are so incredibly surface level it is painful. I don't think I'll be watching anymore.

The issue with story one is that it’s sexist. He knows it is and he points it out. If it was just a tradition for the women to bond that would be different but he makes it clear it’s a sexist thing so theirs probably more issues that will come out apart from just oh women cook and we don’t

The foodie story: im not gonna say the op is the asshole, because i agree she shouldn't pay after that clear boundary, but i do think she should have told him feom when she asked him to let her take the pics the times that she paid, she should have said or ypu can pay for yourself. Also the bf was not starving obviously he had the appetizer and then had enough time that he purposely reached over to mess with her food, in which case i would have made him pay for that as well because that was uncalled for and intentional

Sam at it with another round of massive L takes

Perhaps it’s cause of pain/pain drugs due to surgery, but I agree for the sexist story. You may not like it, but you go for the tradition and then make the gradual changes. But I also understand and respect boundaries

On the breastmilk story. Welll sam like you said earlier that although it shouldn't be a certain way, it is still in the real world, apply that logic to breastmilk then. Yea, maybe you would like it to not be sexualised, but it is still in "the real world". Really bothers me how sam always finds a way to somehow not put blame on men for being creeps. The FIL was a huuge creep and it is in no way her fault for sexualising it.

The breastmilk muffins smdh eww haha