For real though why did he not warn her before she showed up if he was on her side? He was totally fine with her being taken advantage of and didn’t really say anything about the whole situation until it caused him to waste money. The fact that he gets it but still chastised her says a lot

16:52

@@britnicox3929the mom probably told him she had told OP

And as her father, why is he allowing her to be taken advantage of?? If he sees it like he claims

My guess is OP lied in her favor, basically they proposed told her who all was coming and she didnt like but still agreed to go. Then last minute she bailed. No reason she would have been like “wtf are you saying” if the “surprise” part of the story was true

I am sorry that happened to you. They made it like you were the bad guy. Nothing could be further from the truth.

I'm sorry i wish she had your family and you had hers. I was so happy they believed her unlike most people. I don't understand why people would lie about that, hurting ourselvs and another person too? For what?

Same when I came out about my dad. Literally barely talk to my family anymore it’s been 10 years.

So sorry you went through that. I went through and continue to go through the same situation. No consequences for this persons actions, denial and will never get an apology ik. But continue establishing my boundries with the rest of my family and understand that people arent perfect. As a child i wished they all stopped talking to this person like this story, but now as an adult i dont wish that on anyone and just wish they would have at least believed what i said and confronted that person. All i wanted was accountability. Also, abusers who continue to get away with it continue to abuse other victims and by stopping contact it doesnt fix the issue. Unfortunately, my family member has found new victims to harass and my family continues to turn a blind eye. Interesting story from the other perspective, made me realize the other side of things. I hope you continue to heal in your journey

Exactly! She “ ruined” the vacation that you went on “for her” by not being there? Very interesting. Also assuming that the whole family was there thats 4 adults and 2 kids, how could they not handle it?

​@@colorcutie97 exactly like haven't they ever taken care of kids before? 4 grown ass adults?? And they expected a 17 yo to do so on hER """CELEBRATION"""????? Incredible how some adults are simply that much of a pain, rlly

that’s actually really sad and it makes sense that she decided not go at all. alone time for a week is way much more of a celebration/vacation.

My guess is OP is lying to make herself look better. Her dad probably said that because she DID have plenty of warning and just decided to bail last minute. Otherwise why would he say that, and why didnt she find it weird that if he did

@@call_me_mad1236or, dad was told by mom that "yes, she knows it's all of us and is okay with it" and mom told her "it's just the three of us", it makes no sense that she was told it was a vacation in her honor but she wouldn't get to do anything besides babysit her sister's kids. it defeats the purpose of the vacation, but if to dad it was "one last family vacation since you'll be going away to university" instead of a "let's celebrate that you'll be going away, but you don't get to celebrate"

And to be more specific, he didn't "lose" his family, they threw him away.

​@@Geeves28exactly. They didn't even bother to see if it was true or not

Wow I think ur right. Ugh some parents are so mean to their kids

100% manipulation from the parents

Makes sense. How gross for the OP, I wouldn't be surprised if she goes no contact after she leaves home.

Agree. Especially if the perpetrator was an adult, it makes a lot of sense to accuse someone with less power over you.

Victims of SA can still be bad people though. How can you watch your cousin lose his entire family and have his whole life fall apart, KNOWING YOU LIED, and just allow that to happen?? I feel bad for her if she did actually experience SA from someone but it's absolutely no excuse whatsoever for KNOWINGLY destroying an innocent person's life. She's no better than her abuser.

@@meowJACK Literally no one is saying any of those things...What are you even talking about LMAO???

Exactly what I said but in more detail but i didn’t say it was E’s dad but someone in the immediate family and that OP was an easier not close escape person

​​​​​​​​@@chickennoodlesoup3301Nah they're speaking facts, although I won't fully blame her if that is the case. I definitely feel bad for her if she was legitimately SA'd, but it still isn't excusable to ruin someone's life like that. Definitely think about the victim, but think about the person whose life is going to be ruined under a false allegation as well. Just because one is significantly worse doesn't mean that the other is ok.

Thank you for taking the time to share this. It was really insightful & gave a needed perspective 😊

Yeah I had the thought that she was struggling with the shortage as well. Or else she simply forgot to pick heres up. I think she felt it would be fine if it was only a day or too. The Mom might actually need it more then the son.

Her going without medication could negatively affect the son and put her in danger as far as driving goes. Also it's not uncommon to forget to refill your meds considering you can't refill them before the day you are supposed to run out in a lot of cases. The son would also be met with a lot more understanding for his symptoms since it's a developmental disorder and alot of the symptoms are things kids struggle with normally except with adhd they are more frequent and more exaggerated so it can be passed off as just a harder day as a kid. The child is also not in charge of his own self care tasks so a day or two without meds would not be as detrimental to him as it would be if his care giver didn't have the meds she needs to keep up with care tasks. Although I would choose to have the son skip a day of meds on a weekend day so I was the one taking care of him and aware of him being unmedicated so I could accommodate that for him accordingly. I doubt it is addict behavior. It is a logical risk vs reward conclusion that the son would be more negatively affected if his caregiver was without her meds as opposed to the son who has more support and would probably take his mom struggling with emotion regulation personally if she has harder moments dealing with her adhd symptoms on top of being an adult and mother. Adhd isn't like a stomach ache or chronic pain where it's painful to experience symptoms regardless of the circumstances. It's only a disability because it doesn't align with what society expects from us and the struggle to make our brain do the thing. I would also believe the mom deserves grace when it comes to her not getting the refill on time instead of being called out and feeling that judgement for something her adhd very well might have gotten in the way of her being able to complete. We also don't know if she tried to go without her meds and realized that was worse and that she needed help with her symptoms to make sure she could go through all of the steps needed to get her meds because that can be very frustrating. Adhd Medication management is not very adhd friendly.

Although depending on the meds and dosage there are physical withdrawal symptoms so of course that would absolutely have to be taken into account with the son skipping a day of meds. Also they have extended release adderall although it does kick in and make me sleepy after 30 mins. 😅

I was surprised they never brought this up after looking up how ADHD has different severities for different people if her son’s doctors are happy for him to take weekends without his meds regularly he’s clearly not someone where a day without meds is going toe greatly effect their day he will be fine whereas she may be a whole other story it’s not about her “putting herself first” but prioritising needs if she can’t properly look after the kids, drive, get tasks done without medication it would be better for the whole family for the son to be the one to take the break for a day

Wow, he has so much more grace and maturity than me. One of the OG replies to the first post mentioned how in ancient times the worst punishment was exile, not death, because death is merciful, what his family did was heinous. I wish him nothing but healing and peace.

The sad thing about that is that when she finally comes out and said who the real perpetrator is, she probably won’t be believed….

@@Nonchalantlyfabulousher fault though, shouldn’t have lied to begin with. Doubt anything she says would be taken at 100% by anyone else since she lied about something SO big for SO long. It might be different if she had came clean pretty soon after she realized he’d been cut off and told them who it really was. But she waited almost a decade before letting them know “it was probably just a dream”.

Exactly!

Exactly what I thought especially when as far at the family was concerned the victim is a part of their family someone they love who they want to keep safe if it had been true this would have been the right response

I don’t really know about that, as a parent it is your job to set your children in the right direction. If you become aware of the fact that your child is assaulting people, completely banishing them really would be leaving the person with nothing but being a predator. Leaving zero chance to rehabilitate and learn from mistakes, and would result with a predator with nothing to lose.

@dylaniverson1624 I don't totally agree. But, I understand. But, your predator child can't come to family events. Or, anyone else besides you and their rehabilitation specialist. You can't walk some stuff back, and it changes your relationships and ability to be in/create relationships.

It was the last summer before she started her graduating year. Kinda weird but they wanted to celebrate the "last" family summer vacation. OP was trick by a lame preface that had she just thought a second would have guessed what really was going down. OP parents are guilty by omission.

Wow she was literally on drugs and they just took her word?? Wow.

Exactly, I have ADHD as well I’m 34 both my sons 8 and 13 have it as well and I don’t give them their meds on weekends because they don’t need them and I have done a lot of work with them and their psychiatrist to find more natural remedies and methods to help them work through and mostly control their symptoms so that they don’t become absolutely dependent on the medications to function mentally. Also my kids where diagnosed in Kindergarten both of them like with majority of boys ADHD is diagnosed early on in childhood because boys are more known for the hyperactivity and the inability to think before acting on their emotions, feelings and impulses, also boys with ADHD are often destructive. Until the mid 90’s ADHD was thought to be only in boys because the way it shows up in majority of girls as well as the societal pressures and expectations for girls are much harsher and demeaning than for boys. So for girls, it’s not acceptable to be hyperactive and destructive so girls have to bottle up that impulse and the cause and effect of that is, severe depression, anxiety, talking constantly, spacing out, inability to focus, talking super fast and constantly interrupting people when they’re speaking, and extremely low self esteem. O and also not being able to sleep well/ very light sleeper, or the opposite so sleeping way to hard and over sleeping 💤, having time blindness so always late and it’s physically painful to force yourself to be time sensitive. I am 34 now and because in the late 80’s and in the 90’s and the kind of conservative ideals my mom and step ad had and their parents had they did not believe in mental health disorders or disabilities past down syndrome, severe autism and schizophrenia, so I like my brother for the symptoms we could not control just got beat the hell out of for it, we were constantly told that “ they would beat some act right into us”. I was diagnosed during the pandemic lockdowns when I finalized my divorce to my abusive husband of 9 years and switched careers and work remotely and the depression, and having my first desk/ sit down job I could not focus nor sit still I had to constantly get up and move, every time I walked into the other room for something I completely forgot what I went In there for and I told my therapist my struggles and how I always had them but now that I’m stuck inside because of COVID and started my first ever sit down job where I’m not constantly on my get the entire time moving and staying actively busy as a professional chef or car salesman, I was losing my mind and I was diagnosed and when I studied deep into ADHD and all the symptoms for children and the symptoms that are far more common in adults with ADHD I realized how really serious my symptoms were and how if I knew I had ADHD decades ago it could of answered so many questions for me, it could of prevented so much pain and so much judgement from others and myself, it could of helped with self esteem issues, and most importantly helps me understand myself and why my brain worked the way it did. Adult ADHD is definitely more serious than ADHD in children, as children as long as they are not In an environment or setting where they need to focus, sit still, pay attention to a instruction. For adults it’s more about depression and anxiety and work and relationships which is a constant.

Me personally, since it’s family, I’d want to try to reconcile but ……. how could you ever have a relationship with these people???? For 9 years straight he was completely disposable I could NEVER get over that abandonment.

I disagree, it sounds like she just ran out and needed something for that day. I have definitely borrowed from a family member's prescription when I wasn't able to fill mine before I ran out. I don't think it's that big of a deal, especially if it was just 1 day. You can refill those scripts at like day 28 usually, so the son wouldn't even necessarily have to go without. She also wasn't sneaking, she took it while they were actively having a conversation. People who are abusing prescriptions are not taking therapeutic doses, they're taking multiple pills at once. Adderall can be addictive if you abuse it, but it's not likely to cause addiction if you are taking therapeutic doses. I think the husband is overreacting.

It’s addictive for people without ADHD and if you take more than needed within a given day. The government regulation is more so because of non-ADHDers taking it and abusing it

Tbh what's shocking me the most are the people defending E's actions. Someone brought up a valid point that she could've possibly been SA'd by someone else in the room and, out of fear, called out OP as the perpetrator since he wasn't in the room. But imo that doesn't excuse placing that kind of false allegation on someone. I can maybe give the victim in question the benefit of the doubt, but definitely not people who act as though saying it's wrong somehow makes you a bad person. As though the falsely accused isn't a victim of the situation too.

@@JewelWildmoonyou’re acting as if what e did wouldn’t have been a trauma response. we have no idea why she did what she did. she could’ve been threatened or something.

didn’t he say he could do the stuff she accused him of and worse tho lke it’s so odd

just wanna say the part about victims becoming abusers is not true.. it's false info that people have been spreading for decades to shame victims into feeling guilty and bad..

Yeah, that's what's maddening to me, even if you think you're doing the right thing by throwing them out, to try to handle it all in-house? No! If he really was an abuser, you just let him go off to abuse someone else's kid. If the police had been involved, that flimsy accusation would have fallen apart in no time since she caved under almost no pressure seemingly. And if he had done it, at least there would be the chance he would be separated from future victims, even considering the small number of SA investigations that actually result in charges

agree 100%. if mom works, it’s way more important for her to have the meds, not to mention that ADHD makes it harder to remember to refill your meds-maybe she needs the dose today to get past the executive dysfunction to remember to reup. i think the mom has other issues but a single isolated incident of one pill isn’t concerning to me

honestly it depends on the meds. i know with adderall i dont have withdrawals. in fact its used most often specifically because you can change the dosage day to day and take drug holidays with little effects. idk if the bahvior is really all that dangerous. but its definetly weird and i wonder if this is something she does often.

The accuracy of this hurts. So well put thank you, from another SA survivor. Hearing them talk about how cutting him off was wrong made me want to throw up and reopened old wounds. My family brushed it under the rug, made me the bad guy, and they constantly try making me forgive the relative who did it. It seriously broke me for so long. I would kill to have had my family react like OP's did. I do have sympathy for OP of course, and none of what he went through was fair or okay since he was innocent. But the family cutting off someone who they thought was an abuser after hearing every messed up (and unfortunately made up) detail was an appropriate reaction i think. I wish people wouldn't lie about this, it really screws over every victim out there.

@@candysong8603 I truly hope you're healing. It's devastating all around, I feel so bad for that man but the family dis what they thought was right, even if they didn't make 100% sure.

This. I agree with all of this. Also if they genuinely thought he did that, yeah they should've involved police. Hopefully maybe they would be able to investigate and see whether or not it was true. This story is honestly pretty difficult as, on one hand, you should do what you can to protect the victim when that allegation comes out and, on the other hand, it would be difficult to tell whether or not it was a lie.

@@JewelWildmoon My main thing when it comes to these issues when there is no evidence is this: Stay cautious. Obviously these allegations if false can absolutely ruin someone's life but if they are true you might be allowing them to further harm and assault others. Like in this family, there was no evidence so anyone with kids would be right to not let them be unsupervised with OP on the off chance the allegations were true, but totally cutting them off with no evidence and no further investagation is horrible. No one wants to think a family member would lie about these crimes, but they do.

@@Graves933 I agree. I guess the family was one of those who go with cutting someone off entirely under the assumption that family would never lie about that. I hope they take this as a lesson, though it's horrible that it resulted in what happened to OP. I'm seeing some people claiming that him thinking about getting back at E is proof that he did it, but imo I think pretty much anyone would have those dark, hateful thoughts towards someone who falsely accused them.

More than likely she just forgot to get her medication. We are very forgetful.

I love the crunchy Flinstone vitamins lol