😂😂😂

Except it's now a few billion dollars :(

I missed that! Man, they were so great at satire in their hay day.

Well we gotta do better than the Pyramides at least. Centuries from now when Earth finally becomes liveable again and humanity reclaims it, they can't think that the Egypthians did better than we did.

Danny Sullivan this is also hilarious giving our infrastructure maintenance problems

Damn it! You just beat me to it by six months.

@@robertwhitten265 Beat you to what? Needlessly transcripting the video?

Like a true American

@@obiwac hey could you not interrupt a scripted conversation? me and my fiverr buddies are trying to make some honest seo cents here

wow it's even better when you say it

sucks man

Sad

huh, so the american dream is actually dead if you had to sell your bar... this video works on so many more levels now

Unfortunate

Respect, man.

+Nick Ziklim It's on in 2 weeks, after 'Taking water down a peg or two'

Absolutely

It keeps getting delayed. It’s now been put behind “Air -The Absent Killer”, and “Earth - Crushing Us Under” which are still in pre-production.

those who's supposed to make it... still haven't put their pants on.

They misspelled "wife"

Justin Silvers oh yeah yeah

@@alph5230 oh yeah yeah

It wasn’t before its time. It was the golden days when hard satire peaked. Think it’s going to get better? Doubt.

Love this channel, just wish I discovered it sooner

One of my high school friends interned for the Onion during their golden years. He moved on and now works for Pixar I think. Probably a smart move.....

he's being torn apart by Lisa

Tuffy still hasn't put his pants on.

Just busting your balls and Tommy wants to increase the minimum wage so he can get paid more for a job he can’t even get right.

Thats one mistake you can make working at a reatraunt. Dont ever learn anyone elses job or your employer will then expect for you to step up and do it. They wont give you additional money just expect you to do more shit.

Thank You.

Real shit from 2011

@@Gwynplaine4 says who

It's in the video description...

Funny how the most real news are the satirical ones, like Onion News. The reason why satire is so effective is because everyone else is feeding us horseshit. In a perfectly honest world, there would be no need for satire.

@@PaleBlueDott There's facts and there's attitudes and how you interpret & contextualize facts. Just because you don't agree with how some news programs present you the news doesn't mean they're fake. As long as people can have different opinions & attitudes there will be a place for satire.

Omega Paradigm 86 I relate to this too well

@@LemystereManCarloc me too.

at least he was awake.

@@ThePkmage Yup, I am laying in bed right now, watching this, I haven't even gotten up, let alone dressed or eaten, and it is approaching 1:00 in the afternoon! 😞 When I was a kid, I wanted to be a scientists when I grew up. Once I had just grown up, I put myself through college, working part-time because I wanted to be a professional scientist working in an academic setting! In my 30's I went from trying to get into Grad school, to studying computer programming, so I could do that, ideally for a small business, but a large bank or government organization was Okay, too! NOW, that bank has folded, and this year I got laid off from my job working part-time as a night janitor, and all I want is for _them_ to hire me back! 😭😭😭 Part of the problem is that I no longer _want_ anything else, anymore! 😭😭 😢👋 💨👻(⬅️my soul)

same... _haha... ha_

People always say it's the thought that counts...and I hold em to that.

I dont even own pants

@@hannibalburgers477 what are pants?

@@unbanrofellos5786 what are ?

@@heatherperleberg7816 What?

facts.

So much awesome.

Good for you man

I thought you're going to say that loud crash was your American Dream dying at the same time as Tuffy's haha

Well I'm glad you were able to fulfil your dream of investigating the noise. Inspirational.

I think we found our new Morgan Freeman for every narration roll you’ll say yes to, right here in this comment section!!!! Now we just have to wait for the current Morgan to pass and your American dream created by somebody that’s not you becomes a reality!

***** RIP George.

Connor Snowberger Yeah....props to George Carlin.

exon exon Who's a big boy?

Shut up

@@bleumann9774props to who? That low life subversive sack of shit carlin? fuck him

I think its a good thing that they stopped making these. I wouldn't want any modern ones in the back of my head

@DESS DESS you can't be saying that with a profile picture and a username like that

@@grovercleveland8572 they've left that job to the imagination, it's getting harder to be ridiculous in a ridiculous world EDIT: Our imagination

@@angelaklassen7444 Damn

The onions recepie for success finally revealed: They hired nostradamus.

Haha

Here is a partly political broadcast on behalf of the APATHY party.

Me too, I also want to see that reporter on fire.

@@flybeep1661 REPORT NOT REPORTER DUMBASS, FFS SMH :P

Tune into IFC®, then.

No, it's evil.

.@@nicholsjoshua15 Pure.. ...Or???

It’s not to be untrusted

THE SUSPENSE IS KILLING ME!!

Yes.

Wish other Americans would follow suit and accept that some old racist fuddy-duddies were not 100% comprehensive in their formation of this utopia we're all basking in.

​@@tweex1 I mean, America has been the richest country on Earth for like 150 years now, not an utopia by any means but we can all say that whatever the founding fathers' project was, it definetely succeded.

@@Vitorruy1 Funny how the richest country on earth has so many people poor, in prison, and shooting each other in school. Huge success, though, such money, much billionaires, wow. Also so many homeless! Those are great for scaring the impoverished and struggling families into working themselves to the bone, or just literally to death, just to try to survive and keep their hovels. But at least churches don't have to pay tax - all of their money shouldn't go to helping the poor!

@@hazukichanx408 Well a utopia is actually actually impossible because people want to be carefree to be living in leisure but thats not what you really want because trust me bro being in creative mode is the most boring thing.

@@hazukichanx408 Sir, I must say that, if your intent here was to misinform, keep trying! Someday you will reach it.

You definitely want to keep fire at a distance.

He'll still stick beside you, cook your food, and keep you warm even if he trashes the house. He may be a bit volatile, but he always has your back....except when he's on it.

Oh no 😮 maybe call 2:29 Kranowicz Heating and Cooling?

You are so right. How???

They live in an alternate timeline and this is all real for them. We are merging them together right now in 2020.

because they are aware of our least discussed therefore most pervasive stereotypes and play into them

One casting director worth a dam is all. Some one who hires for ability and not for whose parents throw the best parties.

Actors act, it's their job...

I know this is a old comment but that quote belongs to a guy who gets paid to talk on a stage, if the job of "saying shit on a stage and pursuing my idea of art" isn't the fucking american dream I don't know what is. My family went from oil workers to lawyers in a generation. Literally adapt, find something, the whole point of oppurtunity is it isn't easy and it may never come to you but u buy into this nihilistic garbage and your family will never get there

It's called a dream because it's unrealistic once you look into it.

@@sometimeslol5578 Yours is less old but it is riddled with fallacies, and as a resident internet person who knows these it's my duty to inform you of the following Attacking the source doesn't change the validity of an argument, that's called a genetic fallacy. There are hundreds of self-made rich people true, but for each of them there are millions of people wallowed in debt or unable to move or find work through no fault of their own. The second one, while congrats to you and your family, is also an anecdote (and also kind of hearsay in the fact that I have no way of knowing if you're lying your entire ass off nor an oath to confirm), not evidence. The idea of the American Dream and Meritocracy, while common, isn't that true, (specifically in terms of socioeconomic and intergenerational mobility when controlling for race, gender, and other factors) in which America far lags behind the vast majority of developed nations. I got sources if you want to read up on it, though I will say it is pretty depressing www.americanprogress.org/issues/economy/news/2006/04/26/1917/understanding-mobility-in-america/ www.nytimes.com/2012/01/05/us/harder-for-americans-to-rise-from-lower-rungs.html?sq=mobility&st=cse&scp=1&pagewanted=all

@@seanwaddell2659 learn to make a concise point, u can type ten pages worth of a comment and get a million likes and it means nothing if I don't read it, life isn't a debate class your goal is to connect with me and change my mind or more likely it's to make yourself feel superior by typing a ton. Regardless Carlin is a hypocrite as he complains about the rich while being the rich and says no one can make it while he has made it, don't get sucked into the retail and service industry hole and you'll do fine in America.

@@sometimeslol5578 way to be butthurt dude. None of those refute the sources or the facts, my guy

Crimea_River Had to give you a 👍🏾 and a treat for that username

That name is good shit

Lmao

How many drunk guys standing around in a circle, passing the bottle around, have theoretically already solved many of the world's problems? I dare say many such groups did. But noone got any wind of it because they're "insignificant".

@@evieni1465 you know you can't just solve a problem with only an idea? So they didn't solve many problems then

Stretch goal is dead thanks to Secure Act- inherited IRA's from non-spouse must be liquidated w/in 10 years or forfeit all money left.

America has been stretching for far too long. This year we need to change it to MASA. Make America Slim Again.

The Onion® are Liberandus...!!!!°

@@maazkalim It's a satire channel.

Yup

🅱

@@santicheeks1106 🆗

Hey bro, didn’t know I’d find you here

the mayans were right

That is this universe

It was just that...a dream.

cool ralsei pfp

@@PadsterX Oh thanks. 😅 Not much of an artist usually, but I drew it myself.

***** Oh Christ, your right

+DarkW0lverine Actually, the Comedian said that.

"Who watches the watchmen?" - Pitbull

Sorry to bother you about an old comment but, do you mind replacing the name Rorshach with The Comedian? Click the little squares on the far right side of your comment.

wasnt it the comedian that said it?

Meh, why bother. It is what it is. You know the thing! I dont really care..... They call me the Grim Reaper.

@@migs7220 exactly! I did my part and voted for Howie Hawkins of the Green Party, but like 99% of the country is brainwashed as... you know the thing! 🤦‍♂️

RPF Creates no shit

That's what makes this skit so genius. The american dream is an illusion, very few people actually rise to any superfluous level of wealth.

​​@@DanielFerreira-ez8qdI think it's more about the people that say the American dream is dead is people that really didn't try to achieve it. It is still thing but people take their own individual experience and say the whole thing is dead because they can't cope with failure so they blame something supposedly bigger than them like society or the government.

​@@megathicc6367dude made his own bar. The American dream is a myth made to keep you hoping you'll someday be of a higher class if you just keep working.

@@thesnowmiser6728 you can. There's plenty of success stories out there of just that.

nah, it's been compromised. the good videos are all from 7 to 12 years ago

All Gas No Brakes has got you for some good gonzo journalism. But The Onion has predicted the future.

Fantasies are hot.

Always was

The American dream is just that, only seems real when someone is asleep

Synonym for a dream

Food coma. That might be more achievable.